Postpartum Mood and Breastfeeding Survey Participants Needed Please!

EDIT*

Hi everyone! I'm finishing my PhD in Psychology with a women's health focus and am looking for people to take my survey! This topic is very close to my heart as a momma of three who's breastfed for a cumulative 6 years (ouch). My study aims to add to the research base surrounding the postpartum experience, specifically looking at factors that impact breastfeeding and how we can make things better for moms, dads, and babies in the future through attachment and social support.

It takes 10 minutes, and asks questions pertaining to your experience with breastfeeding and postpartum mood changes. To take it, you must be 18 years old, be breastfeeding (exclusively or supplementing), and be in a romantic relationship. Relationship is defined as ANY romantic relationship - however you define it.

If you know people who meet these qualifications, you can send this link to them too or direct them to this post. I so appreciate you guys!!!

**If you have taken my previously published version of this survey before, I had to add a few new questions, so please take it again if you feel like it. **

https://ucachbs.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9NwkJbzoMPpCaBU

I have 4 week pp and I am scared to tell my BF that I most likely have ppd.... He thinks mental illness is dumb and doesn't like that I'm on anxiety meds even though they help a ton! We have one preemie together (she is 3years old) and just had our 2nd preemie 4 weeks ago. Before I had him I was hospitalized for a month because my water partially broke. It was so hard on me mentally, and now to have another NICU baby is making me feel like I'm crazy. I have an appointment with my OBGYN next week to get help, but I just don't know how to tell him. any advice or encouraging words?

Note: I wrote this for my partner. We have a 10mos old. Please feel free to share wherever it may deem helpful.

1. Please don't get frustrated or annoyed with me. Yes, it's one of those episodes again, prolly over something mundane, but please don't ignore, sleep on, or walk out on me - that'll only make it worse.

2. Please know that I'm already ashamed of my outbursts. If I physically or verbally lash out over something, please stay gentle and don't grab me or yell at me.

3. During these episodes I will struggle to speak, please don't force me to say anything bc I have so many narratives in my head and I wouldn't know how translate it without screaming or crying until I calmed down.

4. I will have violent thoughts or urges, please don't let me lock myself away and be mindful of anything I grab and release it from my hand gently but firmly. You can also lock me in a hug until I breathe normally.

5. Please don't ask me to stop or snap out of it, I already feel like shit and I am being flooded with emotions but you can distract me by asking me questions, giving me a cold drink, a cig or telling an inside joke.

6. Don't leave the room, or stop talking to me. I may not be able to talk about what triggered me immediately, but I'll need to hear the reassurance that you want to help me and that you will listen.

7. I wouldn't be able to acknowledge your frustrations right now, in my head I am already guilty and blaming myself, so instead you can remind me that you're here with me and that we can talk about it when I'm ready.

8. Please know that I'm already embarrassed and sorry for needing to write this down but you're the only person that I fully trust so I hope you remember a thing or two during my episodes and be kinder to me and remind me that I'm loved.

I want to vent but I don’t have anyone that I can trust in at all. Tried to look for a therapist and found out that depending on who it is it can go on record.

Does it have to stay on your record? Cant I just pay a therapist without them having to start a file on me or having that file completely destroyed once we are finished?

Seems like the more days pass the easier it get to just leave it all. I love my kids but I’m starting to notice that my feels are just not the same anymore.

I’m trying to keep it together but the time where I can just unwind and let it out seem to disappear more and more.

I just want to call it quits on everything at times.

I feel normal one day and then the next I feel anxious and sad. I can't stop worrying about whether ill ever feel better or not. I can't stop worrying about if I love my baby or if I'm just going with it because it's what I'm supposed to do. I feel guilty for having a second baby and taking my time away from my first born. Is this really postpartum depression and anxiety or am I just going crazy ? Please help me 😭

Hi everyone, I am conducting some research about new moms and PPD/PPA.

I have a short survey (should be less than 7min) that I would love if you could fill out and maybe even share for me. Myself and a group of wonderful women are trying to see what we can do for new moms. If we find trends that lead to ideas for change, we will need research to present to hospitals and organizations.

I would appreciate any assistance. We're just out here trying to empower new moms! https://forms.gle/ArfDu57ShwqL3UMG7

I wish this place was more active.

In april 2018 I gave birth to my wonderful son. 6months or so later I had a PPD, something I have never experienced before or even come close to.

What started it all was a negligent upbrining that hadn't affected me before I had a child myself.

I am much better now and see a therapist once a week. While expensive, I've come to realize that unless I did this it would become a permanent part of my personality and I would affect the people around me, eventually leading to serious negative consequences.

In order to stay in the positive circle, I have to do things for *me*, but I would much rather chill on the couch watching netflix or whatever. I am a couch potato. How do I get up? How do I organize myself what I can't even think too far beyond necessity?

How do I pick up the crochet hooks instead of sitting on the couch?
I feel like everything becomes unimportant when I want to rest, but resting takes over my time.

I know some of you will say give it time, but deep in my heart I feel like my house is burning, and giving it time will only burn it to the ground. I kinda need to put out the fire now. Sure, there's no real fire, but I can feel the stress affecting me from it.

I've always imagined how cool it would be to meet your 80year old self - think of the experience that must've been gathered! - but unless I *do* something my 80year old selv will be pretty dull.

I hope this made sense :O

I have a history of depression, anxiety, and OCD. It was flagged before I got pregnant that this may be an issue for me especially post birth when sleep deprivation kicks in because that's known to exacerbate my depression. This post is probably in the wrong place but I just need to get it out of my system and I don't know where else to turn.

I'm pregnant with twins after multiple losses. I was over the moon for the fact that we had not 1 but 2 healthy babies now and they were growing well, strong heartbeats etc, I was thrilled. I've had a suspicion through the pregnancy that it may be girls, just a gut feeling, or probably a gut wish.

A week ago the OB/GYN said "oh I can take a look for you, then you can confirm next week at your big scan" and then said "they look like girls to me!" I was OVER THE MOON. I had dreamed of girls and I got girls. I started really letting myself relax and enjoy the pregnancy and any time those invasive thoughts of "you can't do this, you can't keep these creatures alive. What is wrong with you to absolute idiot?" I would focus on my 2 coming girls and all the things we'd have together to replace the thought.

I had my scan yesterday. The technician stopped the scan over a spot and my heart sank before she even said "hey... these aren't girl parts" my husband leapt out of his chair with joy and shock. I almost started sobbing. He knew something was off after that and figured it was just a bit of disappointment so he tried to downplay how excited he was (pointless really, I knew he wanted boys and it wouldn't have made me feel better or worse to have him so excited). But I was just numb for the rest of the day.

All my anchors were gone. No little girls to look at when I'm breastfeeding through 'sad nipple syndrome' to make that sensation of grief during stimulation worthwhile. No little girls to sing my girly songs to, to make the crying less overwhelming, no little girls to dress in dresses and bows, who love their dad like he hung the moon in only the way little girls do to make up for the tantrums, sleepless nights, and more... no girls.

I can't bear looking at my bump, I don't want to talk to them anymore. I know it's messed up and objectively I know i'm an evil person for it but I resent them for stealing my girls away. The girls I thought were there aren't. I know it's not their fault. But all I want to do forget I'm pregnant at all. I'm not ready for this. I had all these plans and images to get me through this and they're gone. I don't know if this will go away, I'm hoping and I'm sure it will... but right now... I can't even imagine wanting to look at my sons after they're born. I don't know what I was thinking, I'm not capable of being a good mother. I'm going to be an awful parent. I can't even deal with my pregnancy insomnia, how the f**K am I going to deal with that for MONTHS WITH the added dirty nappies and constant feeding and crying.... I don't want this. I hate my bump, I hate the fact that I can't change this and this is it for the rest of my life. I may never have another chance to try for a girl. I didn't get to have a say, I don't have any control. I HATE THIS.

So I'm pregnant and due in March, and I'm starting to get nervous. I have two older kids and had PPD with both, only it was much more severe with my second son. It's to the point that I still feel guilty about it and I can barely remember our first year together. (He's now 4) My family is very old fashioned about PPD. You basically don't talk about it and simply get over it which only made it worse.

I'm excited for this new baby but I'm also scared of getting PPD again and failing the new baby. Already with this pregnancy I've had GD and anemia and I feel like I could have prevented both of those from happening. And I also worry about getting so focused on the new one that the other two won't get enough attention. With my second I had to put my oldest in an in home daycare otherwise it was too overwhelming and I feel guilty about that.

So any advice for getting ready for the new baby?

My baby girl is 9 weeks old, she's healthy and beautiful and I know I am lucky.

Since I brought her home from the hospital.. I have had a feeling of What have I done?? Totally overwhelmed, sad.

If I could go back right now I honestly wouldn't do this, I would not get pregnant.

Is this a part of PPD, could it be that the baby phase is not for me.. and I will enjoy her when she's older. I do not want to live like this, I want to enjoy my child.

I'm so scared this feeling won't go away. I am wishing for her to grow up and be 3 already. I'm hoping other moms have had a similar experience and things got better for then?

I've been switching doctors constantly trying to get some help since my son was born pretty much in August. I've had doctors tell me to try taking a nap and to call when I'm going to kill myself or the baby. I've had a therapist tell me to lose weight to stop feeding the baby at night and let him cry all night "unless he is physically in pain it's okay" and all sorts of stuff.

I have another appointment with a new doctor my new ob suggested saying they will have me on meds in a week and if not to call him. They couldn't get me in for a month and when I called he never responded. The nurse said she would ask if a month is long enough to validate it.

I am not going to kill myself. But I think about it alot. I can't manage to shower or clean my house or function. I tried to divorce my husband so I could get away from the baby. I begged for him to put the baby up for adoption. I've yelled at the baby and I feel like garbage because of it.

I've been telling my self he isn't mine. I don't have a baby and I'm just baby sitting and it kind of helps.

Is there anything I can do to get help sooner I feel like this has been drug out long enough

I am a 35m my wife is 34. She's been struggling with PPD for 8 months now. I've been doing everything I can to help her get through it. Taking care of the baby work allowing. But I'm really struggling. She keeps insisting it's hopeless and looking for any excuse to give up. She even brought my mom up who suffered from mental illness after oxygen deprived during surgery. I'm so angry, sad, helpless...

I know that this is a process and it is extremely difficult for her to get by on a normal day to day routine. I just can't help but feel resentful that she looks at me and or beautiful baby daughter and looks for a reason to give up.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I hope this is allowed here. I'm sorry if not.

I'm 6 weeks pregnant today with my first and have had issues with depression and anxiety all my life.

I'm finding this really, really hard. I can't bring myself to eat, to get out of bed, to do anything. My partner is finding it hard cos he's so excited and I'm just... not. Don't get me wrong - I wanted this, we've been trying for two years and now it's finally happened all I can do is cry. I feel like a horrible person because I've seriously considered a termination just to stop me from feeling like this. That thought alone makes me feel even worse.

I can't get in to see a doctor until Thursday and I'm just... I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. My parents keep texting to see how I am and I just snap constantly. I feel like everyone is happy about this apart from me.

I'm not even really asking for any specific advice, I don't think? I just want to be happy about it all.

I feel like I've got this alien growing inside me and all I want is it out. But at the same time I don't. Please say someone else has felt like this cos I feel like an absolute twat.

It's been a while since anyone posted, and I'd like to get the sub a slight bit more active! So here's a check-in.

I have been feeling the effects of the stress I've been under recently. I've been tweaking my meds and we're still trying to figure out a good combination of Lamotrigine and an antidepressant. I've started an as-needed beta blocker to help with my panic attacks. I'm struggling a lot, but I try to keep pushing myself out of the holes.

How are you?

I have some bad news. Due to council funding cuts the charity Home Start, and particularly the branch in Redditch, is likely to have to drastically halt their support. As a mum with pretty bad PND/PPD it has been an absolute lifesaver for me. I've been attending the Mums In Mind group since May. The support I have recieved has been amazing- it's certainly saved my sanity, if not my life and certainly my marriage. I find it impossible to comprehend that cuts can be made, thanks to the Tory governments budgeting, to such an urgent and necessary source of help.

The funding cuts mean there will be mums like me, who desperately needed someone to help, who cry out for support but won't get any. I find it quite heartbreaking to think about. There really isn't anything else like this charity for families who need it.

If you know of anyone- individuals, companies or charities- who might be able to sponsor Home Start, or give a one off gift to the charity, or help in any way I know several wonderful women who would be eternally grateful. Please get in touch if you think you could help.

In the meantime, if you have any creative ways for us to fundraise please let me know!

http://www.itv.com/news/central/2016-07-18/fears-for-future-of-family-support-service-amid-70k-funding-crisis/

So my wife comes from an adopted family and that family can be really mean, agrasive, rude pretty much the definition of hell!! The older step brother neglects her so much to the point where she comes to me crying for support! So bottom line she's always depressed, but she's so good at hiding it!! We recently had a baby boy in April. She was induced due to high blood pressure ( which I'm %100 sure it's due to stress that her family gives her ) and the doc proved that was the case already when he witnessed her on the phone with a sister. She was letting her know something and at the same time they where talking her blood pressure. Any who we've been home for a month now the first week you can say went by smoothly! Baby cried I woke up change his dipper and she fed him. Everything so far so good! It was around the 3rd day she started to seemed more tired and as that came so did frustration. As she tried to breastfeed our baby he would get mad and scream as all baby's do but she couldn't take it. So I proposed she pump and at night I'll get up to feed him with a bottle while she get rest. Every dad wants to be super dad, but the sleep deprivation catches up to every body. The second week I would be mad when she would yell at me at night because I'm to slow to tend to our baby. She told me I was being a bit rude or as much women like to say "you're an asshole" so I said I was sorry I've bit a little on the edge. Having only gotten 2 hrs a sleep a day. So that week went by she's being getting lazier, verbally aggressive and just last night hit me for the first time. The respect I have for her is so great I took all of that!! She's been getting really bad she seems okay at time but at night it's like she becomes the hulk and is always angry with me nothing I do is quick enough, good enough or perfect. When we first met she was okay as all women and guys are. They respect one an other. As one gets more comfortable they show who they really are. She was a bit mean. I came to the conclusion this was all caused do to the adoption. She wants controls of everything. Nothing I do is perfect. It got worst when she got pregnant but now it's at its peak. I think due to ppd, but I don't know since I'm not a doctor, but nearly a driver for FedEx. I only know boxes and address! I'm not sure, but I believe because of her problems with the whole adoption issue it playing a big role in her PPD, she threatens to leave if I even think about going to work! As a new dad I know my obligation to my family. I can't stop working or will starve. I need help idk how to confront her about it. She's told me about the adoption one time when we where drunk and talk about it when we where sober, but I don't m ow what to do is her depression about the adoption playing a role in her aggressiveness right now! She threatened to leave me. Yelled me she doesn't love me. And when I do say something she comments back " I didn't know I was in a relationship with a female! Because you sure do bitch like one!" Please help she's tells me she doesn't know how she can deal with me when I'm the one taking all this in and I honesty don't know how much more I can take!!!!!

I just need to say that the intrusive thoughts are getting really bad. I don't have a person who is good at listening here in my new town. I was able to reschedule a dr appt from June to mid-May, but I'm worried that's not good enough. I feel like my marriage is crumbling because of some fucking hormone imbalance.

I just want to be myself again. I want to be the person who people commented on how happy and optimistic I was. I don't want my daughter growing up with someone who is a stranger in her own body.

Edit: grammar

I never thought I'd see the day where I could say I'm happy and feel human. I'm on some really good meds (Lamictal for bipolar and Prozac for PPD), and have started a DBT parenting group with other moms in similar situations. I have more energy, I have motivation, I'm finally sleeping somewhat better, and I can keep my cool SO MUCH BETTER than before. I'm in such a good place right now, and I hope it keeps up!

I feel terrible about this and I know I'm in no way able to have another baby right now. Financially and emotionally, but I feel like I need a second chance. A chance to have a baby and not freak out 3 months in. A chance to know I'm normal and can have a normal life. My PPD was actually more brain chemistry changing and finding out I'm actually bipolar and not clinically depressed though. I still can't really explain what happened in the past year, all I know is that I don't want to risk it being that bad again. But the urge to have a baby is so strong right now. Has anyone else experienced this? I'm so confused and conflicted. My psychiatrist would flip out if I was pregnant though so I know it's really not a good idea.

Does that even exist? I've had ups and downs since giving birth 6.5 months ago and am feeling really down now. Breastfeeding was a huge challenge and I was depressed about it until we got it sort of figured out (still supplement a little) around 3 months. I saw a therapist at about 2 months, who told me I didn't have PPD. She basically said I was a control freak (I disagree) and should just give up on BF if it was so hard. I told her I love my baby, but I cried all the time and thought about suicide via self-mastectomy (if these useless tiny boobs can't even make milk, why keep them). My mood definitely improved when BF got easier, but lately I'm feeling sad and angry a lot again. I'm so frustrated with my husband even when he's being helpful and trying really hard. I cry in private. But if I can keep busy I'm OK...and I'm really good at putting on a happy face with friends/in public. Is this PPD? I'm so hesitant to throw money at another therapist who will just make it worse. Ugh. I just want to love my husband again and feel happy. Has anyone had mild PPD that you can just kind of muddle through?

I am 7 months post partum, and I have a 3 year old as well. I realize I am probably a bit late in asking for help, but better late than never.

I started getting anxious and angry when I was pregnant with my second child. I thought it was just pregnancy hormones and I figured it would go away after the baby was born. It didn't, after my daughter was born the anxiety just got worse. And I started having what feel like uncontrollable bouts of anger as well as crying a lot, especially after the episodes of anger. The worst part is that my anger is mostly directed at my three year old son. The anger comes as yelling and screaming, usually set off by something so small or insignificant. Even as I am going off on him, I know there is no reason and that I should stop, but I can't. I don't feel like I know how to stop. When my husband is home, these episodes are much less severe, not because he stops them, but because I clearly know they are wrong and restrain myself in front of other people. Which to me makes it so much worse. Unfortunately my husband works away from home for weeks at a time, so I am alone with the kids most of the time.

I have tried everything I can think of to try to control my anger, some times it works, a lot of times it doesn't. Every time it happens I make sure that I apologize to my son, and try to make him feel better, but I'm pretty sure I am damaging him emotionally with the rollercoaster of emotions I keep forcing on him.

Almost every day I think about killing myself. I think the kids would probably be better off without me. It scares me how much I actually think about dieing.

Even as I write this, I think about how pathetic it is, and I am doing everything in my power to not just erase this. For whatever reason, I can't ask for help. No one in my life knows that I am going through this. It makes me wonder if I am an amazing actress and noone actually knows, or if everyone I know just doesn't care enough to ask if I need help. I did tell my husband once that I have anger issues, he told me to get out with friends more often. Not very supportive. But even at check ups for baby and me, I always lied to the doctor, and myself, and said I was feeling good and everything was going great. I don't know why I do that.

Tomorrow the baby has a check up, I hope I am able to talk to the doctor tomorrow about this. Sorry for writing so much... At least it feels good to finally get it out.

Maybe it's ppd, maybe it's situational, but I'm 7 weeks postpartum and it feels like it's getting harder, not easier.

I have intense anxiety about my baby's health. He got this awful rash (red ring around bum hole) several weeks ago. It got so bad he'd bleed. Doctor feels it may be an allergy, so I'm on a very restrictive elimination diet.

I can't have wheat, soy, egg, nuts or dairy. And then each week I reintroduce one item to see if it causes the rash to return. The rash keeps coming back, and I can't determine the cause, and now I'm anxious about every food choice I make.

I'm vegetarian, but have had to start eating meat because I'm wilting only eating beans, veggies and rice. Now coffee, orange juice and tomato sauce are out because it could be acidic things causing this. LO writhes and cries out in discomfort, I'm scared to eat and feel guilty wanting all the food I can't have right now.

I had to go back to work last week, I work 2nd shift. Because I am not getting much sleep with my baby, and little energy from food, I keep falling asleep on the job by 9:30pm (my shift is till 11). I'm so tired.

I'm exhausted, starving, and feel so lonely. I cry constantly just thinking of the many tiring, hungry hours ahead. My husband tries to comfort me, tell me it's all temporary.

I'm just so beat. And my worries for my baby are nonstop. What ifs. I see my doctor on the 15th. I just needed somewhere to vent.

This is long and rambling and I honestly don't expect feedback; I really just need to get it out and I've already posted other things to my Facebook PPD group recently.

I don't think my marriage is going to survive my PPD/A/OCD. My husband is pulling all of the weight... He stays home with our son, he cooks and cleans everything, he tries to support me when I need it. Honestly, I think he overdoes it sometimes.

He wants me to give a little more to him instead of just taking so much, but I feel like I have no emotional energy for that. Like, I have a spectrum of emotions that range from negative to neutral. There is no happy, unless it involves my son. I don't feel like he's affectionate or cares about me enough in the ways I want him to. He doesn't have pictures of me (because I never really like what I look like in them), his current Facebook profile picture is one of him and our son. Mine is of the three of us, even though I loathe what I look like in it. The background on our computer is yet another picture of the two of them.

I love that he loves our boy so much. He's an incredible father; much better at parenting than I am. I just feel like he loves our baby more than he does me, as stupid as that sounds. When I got pregnant, he started trying to make changes (mostly quitting using porn) for our son. Not for me. I was never a good enough reason, but once I became pregnant, that was enough. Not me as a person, but his unborn child.

I have no sex drive. I don't want anything to do with it. I get annoyed even thinking about masturbating. It's just too much work for very little payoff. For a long time, my husband had little to no libido or would choose porn over me on the rare occasion that he wanted anything, so I've kind of been conditioned to not really enjoy it. Now that my body just physically cannot and will not, it's causing huge issues. Normally, I have no problem with hand jobs and blow jobs (which I used to love but hate now because nothing works on my erection-problem-having husband), but those are chores now. He can't even rub my back without me getting tense and anxious about having to fool around.

I don't feel sexy. I hate my body. I don't want him to be attracted to me like this. I want to feel like he has better standards.

I told him he could look at porn. That's really hard for me. I hate when he does that but I just needed to do anything to ease some of the pressure of not wanting sex. He keeps asking me to consider his needs and to want him like he wants me, but my body just physically won't. I've tried to push through it a couple of times, which I thought were successful, but we had a conversation about a week ago where he basically told me he'd rather jerk off than fool around if I'm not into. Totally understandable, but it still hurt. It fucked me up for a couple of days and led to me oking porn.

He didn't use porn though, he used Facebook. Which is so much worse to me. It's less anonymous. He could look at someone we know. He used Facebook in the past to be sneaky about the porn thing.

I don't like him some days. I love him more than anything, but I just don't feel many positive feelings towards him. I'm just... neutral. I get absolutely distraught if I think about him leaving or being with someone else, though. And it's petty, but his moustache is too long and his breath is really bad sometimes, and it turns me off even more, but I don't know how to tactfully say something.

I am 2.5 weeks postpartum and am struggling quite a bit. I have suffered from depression in the past and have been on Prozac, which has been very helpful, but went off this when I became pregnant. I love my son very much but I feel so trapped, sad, and scared. I often feel that I have a heavy weight on my chest, have a very upset stomach, don't want to eat, feel like the walls are closing in, and just want to cry. I am so scared that my life will never be enjoyable again and that I will forever be in a cycle of just trying to survive. I spoke to my ob about this today and she put me back on Prozac, but I am very afraid that this will not work as it seems like too simple a fix for such awful feelings. Any suggestions for how to get through this?

I am under the care of a new med manager, and have been prescribed Lamictal (Lamotrigine). My new med provider is totally comfortable giving me meds and just keeping a close eye on me and the baby.. something my old provider wouldn't do! I'm so hopeful now, and every day gets a little easier. I can almost see the light on the horizon!

I finally got in with a therapist. I pay $130 out of pocket at the moment, which we really can't afford, but I need the help.

I've had two appointments so far and it has been amazing. My therapist is so kind and she listens. I don't feel like she's going to judge me. My first appointment, I just unloaded. It all came pouring out. She started sharing coping techniques that I began using immediately, like deep breathing.

Appointment #2 was tonight and it was really nice. She gave me a couple more things to try, mostly focused on reducing intrusive thoughts.

I find myself really pushing my own boundaries with her. We try some activities that I would normally be really shy about, like having a dialogue with myself by taking on the roles of Logical Me and Emotional Me. I'm not afraid to tell her when I feel silly doing something. I'm open to all of the ideas she has for me. I need the help, my son and husband need me to get better, so you bet your sweet bippy I'm gonna take all I can get from her!

I'm not even close to starting to get better, though. I'm sad. I'm still struggling, big time, with milk supply issues. My husband and I fight regularly. But I feel more hopeful than I ever have.

If you still need to find someone, check out postpartumprogress.com. That's where I found my therapist. It took me three tries to find someone I could work with, but I'm glad I persevered!

Oh, and if anyone wants to hear some of her strategies, I'd be glad to share! :)

I have 2 babies, one 4 years old and 1 nine months old. I had PPA and PPD with my first. Didn't do anything about it but "braved" through it. Then right before conceiving my second, I went through a terrible loss. I was very depressed and knew that this new stuff mixed with my past postpartum was a recipe for disaster. So, I seeked out a therapist at 5 months pregnant and have continued to see her every 2 weeks for my PTSD, PPD/A, PPOCD. She would really like me to take medication but I'm terrified to nurse while on it despite the assurance of its safety. I even got it from my dr but I'm too scared. My anxiety keeps me from discontinuing breastfeeding because i feel it calms me and keeps me attached and responsive. I have been doing an good job coping with the therapy and other things I've learned but would love the angry outbursts and intrusive thoughts to stop. Wondering which meds you all take while breastfeeding? If you've noticed any side effects in your little ones?

*sorry typo in title. I was diagnosed as adhd 3 years ago, I'm 28 years old. I was on Adderall xr 20 mg for 2 years, and then weaned off of it when we found out we were pregnant. Pregnancy went well, I had almost no hormonal emotional episodes, but here I am 5 weeks out and I'm still not medicated due to breastfeeding. Ice been told the little info that's out there says it's ok to take therapeutic doses of Adderall while breastfeeding. My doc agrees with this. Adderall treats my symptoms well. But now I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is ppd or just my adhd symptoms coming back now that my pregnancy hormones are dissipating. I have always had emotional flooding when off meds, which has come back and I think is made more intense due to lack of sleep from being a new mom. Sometimes I get sad for no reason it seems as well, and I'm not sure if that's from normal baby blues or ppd, or a combination of exhaustion and my adhd symptoms. I took my Adderall today and did feel like myself again.

Guess I'm just wondering if there are any moms who experienced ppd with adhd and what your end result for treatment/therapy was. Thanks!

I think I'm might be at the lowest point I've ever been at. On the outside I look okay, happy even. But inside I feel like a black hole.

Wednesday I was fired. It was %100 out of the blue. I have never felt so humiliated and worthless as I didn't being walked out. I almost drove my self to ER because I felt so out of control. I failed. No way around it. I'm a bad mom because I can't provide for my daughter. All my thoughts keep telling me how im never going to find another job and if I do the same thing will happen.

It might be time to for me to reach out for more help