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My chest physically aches so much that I can hardly breathe.
💔💔💔 I’ve loved him for two years. Since the first night we met, our chemistry could move mountains. After great enthusiastic conversation for several hours, he asked if he could kiss me, and right then, it set passion like I’ve never known ablaze.
I’m a very passionate person in general. I’ve had many relationships, some situationships, though I’ve never experienced anything like this.
It’s so special. When we’re together, I literally feel like I’ve taken ecstasy. Mind and body. I’ve been told being physical with me is like being on drugs, but I’ve never felt that reciprocation to anyone else before him.
And yet I am reduced to a distracting indulgence in his mind. He’s kept his distance, been very closed off. It’s been this on and off game for a couple years now. I’ve tried to play by all his rules but it seems like I can never win the prize. I just want him. I want to call him mine and have his heart and time, not just his desire.
He says I am special to him, but I don’t see it in his actions. Only when we make love do I feel it. It’s beyond great sex, it’s something more.
He blames his depression, his commitment to his goals and making music, that he doesn’t want to disappoint me, and that the attraction between us is overwhelming and too hard to keep a grounded grip on.
I got upset at him after Halloween and thought I ended things, which sent me in to a deep deep depression. Until I heard from a friend that he had been dating people a week before Christmas.
Of course I reached out to him so upset and hurt. I called him many mean things. I felt so lied to. He was ready to date, but just not me.
He was hurt my outburst and asked me to not contact him for a month. In the mean time I painted an oil portrait of him, to show him how much he means to me. I thought if I encapsulated him into art, proving my dedication, that he would finally be willing to love me properly. I just want to be in his life.
We arranged a meeting last week. I gave him the painting as a gift. I poured my heart out. He seemed so willing to listen and focused on being present and gentle.
He looked at me and told me it’s so bad how attracted to me he is. I asked why. He said it’s hard to manage. We ended up making passionate love for hours, as usual. And after, we stared into each other’s eyes longer than ever, as we laid in each other’s arms.
We hugged several times goodbye. He told me how beautiful the painting was and that he would talk to me soon. I thought maybe finally everything would better.
Instead, a week after our encounter, he has ghosted me completely. My chest aches so badly. I don’t understand. I don’t think I will ever understand him. I am heartbroken, but I know I shouldn’t have to beg someone to love me.
So I remain in this loveless limbo. Unable to have the person I want most and would do anything for. 💔💔💔
I will share the painting in a comment. 😮💨
I Don’t Give A Soup of Noodle Dish!
I never lied, I never cheated and I never abused someone. I am extremely fair to people, very loyal and feel empathy for people who have been through bad times in their life. Because I can understand them. I don't look away when someone gets bullied and I defend them as If its my own life who gets threatened. For these people, I am the knight in shining armor. Even though I never did anything bad in my life or to other people, I've been through abusive relationships, my mother abused me through my childhood and insulted and beat the shit out of me sometimes. She always made sure that I know I am bad a daughter, have no talents or whats so ever and that I am nothing good for. At 19 years I was almost raped. I can't form any friendship, because no one gives a shit about me. I tried to form online friendships too, but here, I also have huge anxiety. I am scared that they will say "What? We aren't friends what the hell?", (yes that happened to me, even though we had a good time chatting) or that we have different opinions about a topic, start a fight and that they will leave, talking all cocky "I don't need to waste my time with you.", I feel abused and like absolute shit. My good nature gets abused and taking for granted. I am scared I make myself look absolutely ridiculous if I DARE to assume that we are friends. The guy I was in my first serious relationship told me at the end that he only needed me for the bed. Another one also needed me for bed. Most men only use me for sex and I gave up. I think theres no hope for me to find a guy who really wants me for my character and says "You suffered enough. No its my time to be your knight in shining armor.", and doesn't look how gets sex as fast as possible out of the relationship. Once I had a crush on someone who was basically clinically dead after a attempted suicide (because he himself also had not a good life) before he woke up. After that, almost everyday I visited him in the hospital and maked sure he knew I was there for him and won't leave his side (I really loved him) guess what? Yeah, he didn't date me. The one who paid him a visit almost everyday and never leaved his side. I was always there for him because I loved him and when he dated someone else, It was like someone put another knife in my heart. Its probably my own fault for being so desperate for a good relationship. But I am SICK of collecting bad experience one after another. Am I the only good person in this whole god damn world? If yes, I make sure to NEVER EVER form any relationship ever again because it looks like no one actually deserves such a person like me. Because atleast I want to keep my good personality, before I turn into a complete insane person and let my inner anger take me over or try to commit suicide again. But don't I deserve a bit of a good time as well? A bit luck? I think I do.
I am often told that I think beyond my age. and there were a lot of things in my family that made me grow up in some way. I work with a psychologist, but this is not enough. It is very difficult for me to understand my feelings. I used to be very sensitive to everything that happened in my life in general. but at one fine moment a girl appeared who completely changed my perception of everything that happens in my life. but she does not understand me, although she thinks she knows me completely. as the saying goes, "trying to laugh at this while hiding the tears in my eyes" honestly, I just don't know how to move on. I thought this man was everything to me. The other day we stopped talking. and I just don't know what to do next. before the war, I lived in Ukraine. when I moved to another country. all my dreams were shattered. and I just don't understand what I need to do to be myself. I never had a father in my childhood, he always went to smoke a hookah, every evening throughout my life. I saw him only in the morning, sleeping. and sometimes we went to the movies together or roller-skated. but that was not enough. my mom always took care of my sister and they just gave me a tablet and told me to go play. I never felt love from my parents. And now I find it hard to believe that at least someone loves me. As a child, I was often told that I looked very insincere. but I just didn't know how to express my emotions, and just like now. I am often told that my laughter and anger look strange. and often think that this is a pretense. But how can I be myself in this case? to be honest, I don’t understand anything about myself anymore, and who I need to be in order to stop looking like a freak in the eyes of others. in the country where I am, I have practically no friends at school, although I do have a couple of friends. but with no one did I feel as comfortable as with the girl I mentioned earlier. she was just different. and there is no one who can compare with her. there was no one with whom I would also be interested. I often think about her, and it pains me to realize that we may never communicate again (we definitely meet once, but when is not known). and also, I really hope that none of my acquaintances will see this, I will be too ashamed. yes, my problems may seem silly, but I don't know how to adjust with all that's going on around me. I just want to talk to someone, at least something. but I know that I may not understand.
I really don't like myself, my appearance, and in general my hobby. I have a lot of people who say that I'm comfortable, but also a lot of people who say that I'm weird. it hurts a lot, the idea, I just stopped pretending to be someone. I feel bad very often, but when I tell people it always translates to something bad. and I just lost hope that someone will completely catch me.
I’m sorry, that this text so long. I just want to speak to someone, but this has nothing to do with the thread. What is going on with you? I want to listen to someone, even if I can not support
really, I don’t know how works Reddit. so, I hope, that I wrote it to correct community🥲
Im an 18 F, i have a boyfriend who helps me with my distorted look I have on my body, in the moment hearing the words, "you're not fat, you don't have broad shoulders" makes me feel good, but later when I'm alone when I try to tell myself that I feel like I'm lying to myself, but when I tell myself, you could lose a lil bit of weight or yea I do have big shoulders it's the truth to me. Sad thing is I deep down don't wanna lose weight, but before I suffered with anorexia, I still do but it's not that serious. I feel guilty after eating but I try and not think about it. I'm also working out, which is another reason for me for eating more, but when I look in the mirror I look the same , people around me tell me otherwise and I don't know what to do, i wanna see what they see
Sorry for all things I come here to tell truth. And ask help. This is Final place I rejected everywhere.
I bombarded with discrimination in reddit. But even discord I find nowhere. So, I ended it here. I I hold knife and I have urge to kill people in street. please anyone stop me. I know I broke all reddit rule and Discord but I need help right now.
I have mental illness. doctors says I'm extreme Psychopath and it's in DNA. So, I see world differently than other. recently I heavily assaulted by my very own parents. I need cool down. I did. I hold urge kill my father and mother who hate because I'm transgender. I revived their sorry words. so cool downed. but, I try to up my feeling watch movie avatar and I made mistake. so I made review and bombarded discrimination those people who respect even alien even human specie died. that's how I hold knife now stopped best hold urge to kill. Due to my mental illness I see world differential and know criminals mind because I'm Psychopath. But it is big mistake.
Do you think I want to be transgender to woman? NO, it is my best trial to reduce urge to destroy woman do terrible thing. murder them. by becoming one of them woman so. I try to remove my bad attitude to woman. my evil nature. So, even I try to best be LGBT and Try serve community.
I born differently. as Psychopath. I always feel worst possible urge. but hold. even worth throw me in dirt.
It's long story but in short : I have mental illness. but reddit avatar people don't know that and insult me as murder who actually try to murder people twice but hold and eat drugs meet doc and even help people with risking my very life.
My murder nature kicked out by that I try all my life hold my mental lillness. try cure it. but avatar r people call me murderer. I try to explain why I'm that wrong but they block me out.
Now I'm in emergency but police say go to meet mental docs.
but mental docs rest a weekend.
my docs does she seems in very deep sleep.
I tried to say sorry to even r avatar reddit. but kicked out.
This is how what is going on to me.
My mental unstable now. I need help. but modder delete my all post and discord to let do kill spree.
so. ask you people comfort me and support me.
about this drama.
I think I know evil well because I'm murder and tried it twice.
so I try to explain about why human act like this in movie.
but in murderer view humanity even face extinction but they seems hold their feeling like me. They can kill all blue alien but didn't but rather trade them. I know even best kind person in the word person fall in desperation. so I defend human race.
what I got? block.
they called me murderer and bad person and monster who actually try best to not harm others.
that how I triggered but there is no doc can help me now they rest because weekend. mental docs do in Korea.
and police happy says go to hospital.
I begged to police officer to lock me up.
in jail for a while.
but they kick me out.
Now I have no where to call for help. so come here.
If you want i will give link about post.
I just says in murderer's view humanity hold their urge best to no harm alien.
here is post in murderer view of avatar :
These people seems never watch many people once so kind fallen in desperation and become monster. I saw it in my eye.
but me? I'm not trying not being one of them.
I do my best and enjoy movie but triggered. those people who can even face extinction for alien. I explain that. in return but insult me and wounded me.
do they want murderer do murder?
I lost my mind.
thanks to hear me out.
Oh reddit delete all my post.
thanks modders. You guys seems really hate murderer join reddit call for help.
Is it true face of reddit.
all my fault is watch avatar and says human is good guys they start to trade. you know? when people desperate they gone mad. even world best-est mind does.
judging by that in movie human face utter end. and only alien resource save them to me as murderer they really hold well. normal people simple nuke them.
kill all aliens.
I saw it in my eye people who I trust fall and become monster.
I just point out that.
but those people who can face mankind end for alien being racist to me.
what the hell?
I once was soldier
I once met a good soldier just like avatar fans.
but in the end he kill himself in front of me.
who once really try best to dying for people who never understand but being fallen in madness.
so many people do. I lost count number.
so I said it is utter, pure good. human not kill alien.
but offer trade first.
but they insult me and reddit modder hide all my damn post after r avatar I ask for help.
I was in that madness.
that is how I know fucking human nature.
funny thing fellow kill himself use raddit he is fan of first avatar movie.
Please some one spread this. for shake for that poor avatar fan who killed himself.
in this world avatar fan actual fall who believe he must kind to aliens kill himself.
so I point that and I kicked out I'm called monster.
is reddit a place punch out and take and cut and destroy heart of who try to do best?
tell people true nature of reddit.
for justice to prevent other minor people fall in trap. please post and tell the truth of reddit. fans of avatar.
Now I only thing i want is to prevent people like me fallen into trap called reddit and avatar fans.
Please post this on all reddit and link to me.
I really want believe there is justice is still breathing on this world.
I tell place modder hide ugly truth and when my cry for help.
r ask reddit askpsychiatry.
why I am LGBT? I once man but fear my madness rape woman. so I decide become woman.
I try that much hard.
I Tell all of this and but modder hide it.
and link to me I want see justice.
I will wait you guys do reply.
That poor soldiers killed himself very worst way just act and kind like exact same as avatar main character.
fiction is fiction.
but review is real.
what we psychopath do for you common people me become women and some do more worst one of people cut both arm to no harm others. I'm sorry. I don't kill myself like most of us to save people.
reddit is place. where people like me who failed kill themselves but do some work like being woman orcut arms. but kicked out and hide truth.
someone post this goddamn reddit and spread it like wild fire because modders don't care life but only reputation of reddit..
reddit user deserved this truth.
if you are at least human or avatar alien. Even, movie alien don't do that things.
spread this on reddit. save people like me and stop us do no harm to people.
reddit says this is place like us. they says welcome us. what really modder and avatar fan do? hey go to kill random people with gun and knife. we make you angry enough to ruin yourself. and kill others.
are you reddit guys enjoy this?
I want save my kind.
I want save people worst than me.
that why I want seek justice.
and hope someone spread post this on reddit.
and tell and wake up people.
give me link I want people know truth.
I once 11 years ago when I become transgender when I think I protect women I know. people throw into dirt because I'm LGBT. at that Time in Korea even banning gun and making Civil war level tech rifle is easy. make 20 of guns. 500 lead bullets I don't expect kill all night market people but expect 200 people dead. but one lesbian who I know stops all cost of her life. and cool me down. even most of Korean hate lesbian because she is gay.
IN US still a lot of people hate LGBT. I really trust LGBT r. but they hide truth block me. now I know It impossible odd 200 lives saved.
spread this on all reedit tell truth. Please protect us so evil people don't attack us. if they do we kill random people over 200 body counts.
I tell all of this to LGBT R They delete my post. block me.
Where is justice LGBT crying?
reddit modder will soon delete this. They will find me. for glory of reddit. we hate you. there is no mercy on murderer
now I'm brand with hot iron form LGBT.
If many people Post truth.
this madness can stop.
this is only way to stop madness.
Try trick modders. make interesting post name and tell the truth.
they are stupid to let me post in avatar r.
I'm branded but not you.
I'm branded now but not you.
if you not stop. the truth. I cry for help. but reddit modders hide all delete all. other will die. some poor people will hurt by reddit. and kill others.
Now I know reedit is place ruled by modder. They let random people dying on street. blood everywhere. tell killer do not harm name of reddit.
I will soon go to take guns and find place shoot many people as possible. thanks, you reddit modders I cried and keep posted to help them. comfort me. to not harm people but glory of reddit is utter impotant matter of 200 lives of us people because reddit is US and many more. thanks for reading this.
if you guys give good words and modder will not delete this I will not kill people. but if not. you see reddit modder will says let's prey for korea. but they the one push me in to end. and they know it.
Thanks for reading this.
I feel as I've gone into one of my lowest points imaginable, and I don't know where to, or even how to start getting out of this shallow barrier I put upon myself. I can't look up to the future, as strings from the past always come to haunt me. I cannot escape my past, and the memories tied to it. I lost my girlfriend on September, and ever since then they have done their best to make me out to be the worst person to everyone. I've lost whatever image I had left because of them. In school, I feel isolated. There's no one I can talk to, as I feel they will never understand. It hurts even more looking at what the relationship even was. I was used as a toy boy. All they ever wanted from me was my body, to the point where I would have to relentlessly decline, even to their persistence. And now that we broke up, I almost miss that feeling. They left me with so much confusion on my life (Note: I was a virgin) I didn't know how to feel. I can't get out of this depression. I feel so alone. But I can't help to put myself for fault. I haven't done anything to stop these rumors they put against me, and haven't done anything in a sense of revenge. It's because I don't want revenge, I want closure, and I want my friends back.
not in a depressing way in my opinion maybe more like there is just nobody like me & i want to be around people who are . i know i don't belong in my family they're all stuck in their own self sabotage & anger . i mean im not perfect i think about killing myself all the time but hey who doesn't . when i was a kid my mom talked about killing herself a lot & well shit i would too if my dad killed himself . idk nothing feels real but i feel everything & sometimes it's too much . i can feel some peoples vibes from miles away & it's kind of always been like that . i have weird dreams that make no sense . idk i fit in but i don't at the same time . it's weird . i'm not doing that bad either i mean fuck lol i have a good job i'm living in a nice city but fuck man ... idk
Hello, so I downloaded the app feels and got a fair amount of girls showed as "interested", as it is for many other dating app, we can see a thumnail of their picture so I'm sure I send a like to their profile as well but it does not match them.
How can I do it ?
I was fucking forcing myself to forget you i was forcing myself to forget all the Memories we had together. I had forced myself to forget your face when you came back why come back if you where going to leave WHY CREATE NEW MEMORIES FOR ME TO REMEMBER IF YOU WHERE GOING TO FUCKING LEAVE ME AGAIN . why lie to me I just wanted to try and move on but you didn’t let me. Oh god I’m so pathetic I realized I will alway let you come back
During the nights and days I am getting dark ideas no matter what i do I am not getting away from it even if I am with friends or at school eventually I start think that I don't deserve friends now I just don't have the mental power to get out of this downwards loop. I always put up a positive mask to show everyone I am fine. It feels like I am fully alone and isolated from the outside world.
I love you as you are and I love you so much it's hard to express it and all of that is hard to find but I feel like you don't care about that . Starting to remember times when you would hurt me all the times you disappointed me. I want you to actually check on me but you won't and I'm sure you won't and I'm scared because there are times when I realize your hurting me emotionally and those are them times I tell myself I need to go but I always end up thinking about everything good you have done because no matter what you do I will always ignore those feelings . AHHHHHHHHH FUCK MY EMOTIONS I MISS FEELING NUMB AHHHHHH FUCK MY LIFE . I feel frustrated that you ignore me because you know I will always let you back. Let be honest YOU always come back you know I’m good for you but why do you treat me like this and I know we need to talk about it but I don’t know how to bring up any of this to you . How do I do that how do I bring it up ?
(throwaway cause a lot of people i know know my main acc). WARNING - COULD BE GRAPHIC
I am a Firefighter. I have seen a little girl ran over by a truck. I have seen split skulls, with brain splashed around in a car accident. I have seen dismembered people and heads and limbs lying around when people got under a train. However, people always assume that i am just ice cold inside when i eat my lunch right after witnessing something like this. This is not the case. And i do actually have PTSD, but it's not from seeing stuff during work, it's from my ex-girlfriends breakup. We've been together for about 2 years, and she broke up with me about 3 years ago now, but its still so hurtful thinking about it as the day she broke it to me. Every time someone mentions her i can think about nothing else for 2 days straight. My heart starts beating faster and aches, i am sweating and starting to hyperventilate whenever i happen to run by her on the streets. I always avoid her seeing me but it totally throws me off for the next few days. I have never told anyone about this.
Please sit down with me at the feels bar and have a cocktail. You don't need to say anything if you don't want, just be there.