/r/AsianAmericanIssues
Current issues relevant to Asian Americans.
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/r/AsianAmericanIssues
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Racism that I can’t complain about
Racism that isn’t recognized.
I experience so many micro aggressions and ignorant comments but I feel like I’m not allowed to be upset because it probably doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. I’ve experienced a variety of moments such as kids telling me my food was weird, pulling their eyelids out and saying we’re the same, or people saying things like “Asian woman are so beautiful”, asking me to solve a random math problem as if it’s a party trick, or ask me where I’m from (I say I was born in the USA and they respond with “are you sure?”, strangers greeting me in various Asian languages and getting upset that I don’t respond, asking if I’m a communist, someone has asked me how I was “imported” here, telling me they love a specific food of my country, guessing “what kind of Asian I am”, and so much more. It’s recently gotten worse when I moved to a new area. Although the area has a lot of Koreans, the community acts as if they’ve never seen an Asian person before. The amount of questions I get about where I’m from is taking a toll on me. I’m getting tired of the “are you sure?” that follows because why do I have to defend that I was born here. The thing that made me the most angry was when I introduced myself and they had to call me by my last name, the other teacher couldn’t say it and immediately said “I’ll call you Ms. (Insert first letter of my last name)” and introduced me to the whole class that way. When I complain about these things I’m often told that some of these comments are just compliments or that there’s nothing wrong with other people being curious. A lot of times people also say it’s positive that people view Asians as a model minority but it’s just prevented me from getting as much help as I needed. I’m always just told “I know you’re smart, you’ll get through it” or some variant of that and they don’t know me. And I feel like I can’t complain about this because it’s not the “worst” kind of racism to experience. It also boggles my mind that only a few years ago, Asians were beat on the streets because of the stigma around COVID yet no one talks about that anymore. Even research on Asians is sparse and we’re often lumped into one giant group. Also a lot of people think I don’t experience racism because I have light skin and some people also claim that I’m white because of my skin but also acknowledge that I’m Asian. A white coworker argued with me before that Vietnamese are not Asians. This is all just a rant because I needed to get it off my chest. I’m tired of feeling like a foreigner in a country I was born in.
07:35 UTC
Despite Biased Algorithms Against Asian Men Here's a Step-By-Step Tutorial On Taking Better Photos And Getting More Matches On Dating Apps like Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, etc
00:22 UTC
Stop Project 2025's Proposed Mandate to Administer Military Entrance Exam in High Schools
Project 2025 is proposing that there should be a mandatory and required testing of the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery (ASVAB)—the military entrance examination—by all students in schools that receive federal funding.
Danny Chen was a 19-year-old American soldier found dead in Afghanistan in 2011 after weeks of racial maltreatment and hazing by his superiors. When he enlisted, he did not know about the racism and culture of hazing in the military.
Especially for Asian American students, the right to choose and the right to disclose military entrance results should be left to us. These proposals threaten to violate our privacy and disclosure rights and legitimize institutions that have historically harmed Asian American soldiers.
Speak out and never forget. Take a stand: https://chng.it/NMCzJx846D
00:45 UTC
Impact of Minority Stress on Asian American Queer Women (18+, Asian American queer women)
Hi all!
Some of you may have seen this post before, but we are still looking for participants! I appreciate your time and support.
My name is Darya, and I am a doctoral student in the clinical psychology program at the University of La Verne in California. I am conducting a study on the dating experiences of Asian American Queer Women and am looking for participants to answer a quick survey: https://laverne.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_2uBYQmFYe8K8KCq
This research is incredibly important in furthering the existing understanding we have of marginalized communities in the United States. I would be grateful for any way you are able to help in furthering research about Asian American Queer Women. Let me know if you have any questions. Thank you so much for your time.
19:08 UTC
Is Europe A Dating Paradise for Asian Men?
18:08 UTC
Hey everyone here
07:04 UTC
A movie filmed in Markham and about Markham, will you watch in the cinema?
05:25 UTC
Vietnamese non-refugee immigrants study (discrimination, acculturative stress, dyadic coping, mental health)
Hi everyone, posting for my friend about her study on Vietnamese non-refugee immigrants:
Link to Survey:
https://laverne.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_5d0HqPUMSx9bXVk
THANK YOU ALL IN ADVANCE! PLEASE FORWARD TO ANYONE YOU KNOW WHO FIT THE CRITERIA.
00:29 UTC
How Discipline Helped Me Overcome Stereotypes and Unlock Confidence
TLDR: As an Asian man, I struggled with stereotypes and confidence, but discipline helped me transform my life. By starting small, gamifying progress, and removing obstacles, I rewired my mindset to succeed in dating, fitness, and life. Watch my video for more tips: https://youtu.be/SMPHf0_ZkAg
As an Asian man growing up in the West, I constantly felt boxed in by stereotypes: too small, too quiet, too “unmasculine.” It’s tough to break out of those labels, and for years, I struggled with confidence—especially in dating.
But here’s what I learned: Confidence isn’t about being born a certain way. It’s about building the skills and mindset that allow you to take control of your life. And for me, the key to doing that was discipline.
Discipline isn’t about grinding endlessly or forcing yourself to do things you hate. It’s about training your mind to want the things that are good for you. Here are 3 actionable steps that helped me rewire my thinking and transform my life:
- Start Small and Be Consistent: Instead of overwhelming yourself with massive goals, start with small, achievable actions. For example, if you want to improve your social skills, don’t aim to approach 10 women in one night right away. Start by smiling and saying “Hi” to 5 people a day—whether it’s at the grocery store, the gym, or your workplace. Over time, these small steps will build into bigger habits.
- Gamify Your Progress: I’m a data nerd, so I started tracking my actions. Whether it was workouts, social interactions, or even rejections, I recorded them in a notebook or an app. Seeing the numbers improve over time kept me motivated. It turned what used to feel like failure into a game of progress.
- Remove Friction: Set up your environment to make it easy to succeed. For instance, if you’re working on fitness, keep your workout clothes ready the night before or find a gym nearby that’s easy to access. If you want to improve your social skills, pick venues that feel comfortable to you—coffee shops, social clubs, or meetups. By reducing barriers, you’ll naturally stick to your goals.
Discipline helped me lose 60 lbs, overcome approach anxiety, and even succeed in my career. If you’ve ever felt stuck, start with small changes. Progress doesn’t happen overnight, but with consistency, you’ll see your confidence grow day by day.
I share more details and a bonus tip in this video: https://youtu.be/SMPHf0_ZkAg
04:17 UTC
The Art of Attraction Stories (Making Conversation Interesting Through Storytelling)
18:23 UTC
My Parents Expect Me To Take Care Of Them And I Don't Know What To Do About It. "Even though this is common in Chinese culture, I have mixed feelings about it."
00:41 UTC
How To RizzMaxx and Be Charismatic (According to Science!)
Charisma accounts for 82% of how others perceive you, according to a 2007 Princeton study.
That’s a staggering figure—and it’s good news for us because charisma isn’t about being tall, rich, or conventionally handsome. Here’s what the study says: People judge us on two key traits—warmth (friendliness, approachability) and competence (confidence, skill).
Balancing these two traits is critical. Too much warmth without competence, and people may see you as likable but not serious. Too much competence without warmth, and you might come off as intimidating or aloof. It’s about mastering a balance between warmth and competence—two things anyone can learn to embody.
For Asian men, navigating stereotypes can feel like an uphill battle. Society often boxes us in, portraying us as either passive and invisible or overly competent but cold. To break free of these perceptions, charisma can be a game-changer.
So, how do we put this into action?
1️⃣ Warmth:
- Avoid the Asian Poker Face! Smile often, especially during introductions. A genuine smile signals trust and friendliness.
- Start by being genuinely interested in others. Use active listening—nod your head, tilt slightly toward the person speaking, and make consistent eye contact.
- Compliment others sincerely. When approaching women, instead of generic compliments, make them specific: “I love your red dress, you're very confident”.
2️⃣ Competence:
- Slow down your speech and lower your tone when speaking. This conveys authority and control. Avoid rushing or ending sentences on a rising intonation, as it can sound uncertain.
- Stand tall and practice open, expansive body language. Avoid crossing your arms or slouching, as these convey insecurity.
- Share stories of your experiences or achievements when appropriate. Competence is more impactful when it’s evident but not boastful.
- Your style and having a complete identity in your sexual avatar and social presentation, and paying attention to detail, can show a high level of competence.
I go into more detail about this in my latest video, breaking down how anyone can RizzMaxx their charisma.
Check it out if you’re interested: https://youtu.be/khvfdpNflXw
17:50 UTC
What does American Identity mean to you?
Hello everyone,
As part of my capstone paper, I'm interested in understanding what 'American Identity' means to you. In your opinion, what are the key elements that define being an American? How do cultural, historical, and personal factors shape this identity?
Thank you in advance for sharing your insights!"
07:30 UTC
A Generation Lost: Why Positive Role Models Are Important For Young Asian Men
Growing up as an Asian guy in the West, many of us had no one to guide us through life’s challenges. We lacked role models who truly understood our struggles—people who looked like us and could inspire us to rise above the stereotypes and expectations forced on us.
Bruce Lee was the symbol of what was possible, but he’s been gone for over 50 years. Since then, we’ve been left to figure things out in a world that often refuses to see us. Sure there's been the rising tide of Kpop/Bollywood, but it's still not all that popular in the West. And yeah, we got Simu Liu in MCU's Shang Chi, both their first Asian superhero but also the very first male lead superhero that did NOT get a romantic interest in all of the MCU.
So two steps forward, one step back. This absence of representation has real consequences. It chips away at our confidence, our self-image, and our ability to connect with others, especially in relationships, self-esteem and mental wellness.
That’s why I created this video, "Generation Lost: Why Role Models Are Important for Young Asian Men." It’s not just about recognizing the problem—it’s about starting the solution. Asian men can and should step up as leaders, as role models, and as examples of strength and success.
It’s time to fill the vacuum ourselves. Watch the video and see how we’re breaking down barriers and building the foundation for a stronger future. Let’s show the world—and ourselves—what we’re capable of. 💪
17:14 UTC
How to Get Us Out to Vote?
The Anti- Asian Hate movement springs up apprehensively whenever one of our elders gets shoved or assaulted. I say apprehensively because the public fears backlash from those of the race that usually targets us. The left will say proposals to curb shoplifting, drug use, and violence disproportionately targets black and brown. Notice how we are not included in their concerns though? Most times we just keep to ourselves and even shrug off verbal abuse, but anything more than that is unacceptable. We as a community do not get out to vote enough though for the anti-crime measures and candidates. San Francisco is at least a third Asian. If we all got up to vote to exercise our rights, we can actually shift California more to the right. If we are not voting, we are not gaining a voice or power in the U.S. What can we possibly do to get our community out during election season?
18:20 UTC
[VIDEO] How To Overcome Approach Anxiety (7 Beginner Level Techniques)
As Asian men, a lot of us know that approach anxiety isn’t just about the fear of talking to someone new—it’s can also include the cultural and social pressures we carry, too. Maybe you’ve felt the extra layer of nerves because of stereotypes or assumptions about how “approachable” we are (or aren’t) or how receptive she is (or not) to us as men of color.
The truth is, approaching and connecting with women isn’t just for the “natural” extroverts or guys without insecurities. It’s a skill you can learn, and it’s one that can build confidence in all areas of your life.
Here are 7 beginner level tips that can help you push through approach anxiety and start feeling genuinely comfortable connecting with others:
- Start Small and Build Up Don’t try to go from zero to approaching the most attractive woman in the room right away. Start by talking to anyone around you—whether it’s the cashier, barista, or even someone you pass in the grocery store. This isn’t about flirting or “picking up”—it’s about getting comfortable with initiating conversations. The more you do it, the more natural it becomes.
- Desensitize Yourself to Your Environment Spend time in places where you’d like to meet people—cafes, parks, bookstores. Familiarity reduces anxiety because you start feeling like you belong there. If you know a spot where you can get comfortable, keep going back until it feels like home base. Feeling at ease in a place helps you feel more in control and reduces that nervous “outsider” feeling.
- Use Simple, Observational Openers Instead of stressing over a “perfect line,” make a comment about something around you. Say, “Hey, that book looks interesting, what’s it about?” or “You seem like a coffee expert—what did you order?” These openers are low-pressure, genuine, and allow the other person to open up naturally. For Asian men, observational openers also help sidestep any cultural stereotype that we’re shy or too formal, by keeping things light and easy.
- Apply the 3-Second Rule When you see someone you want to talk to, count to three and go for it. The longer you wait, the more your brain will come up with reasons to hold back. This rule helps you stop overthinking and makes you feel more decisive. It’s a powerful technique for stopping that self-doubt spiral we sometimes fall into.
- Get Comfortable with Rejection Rejection is part of the process, and honestly, it’s a good thing. Every time you face rejection, you’re getting more resilient. Remember, she’s not rejecting you personally—she’s just not interested right then. Taking rejection less personally can be especially helpful for Asian guys, since we often feel like there’s extra pressure to prove ourselves. Shake it off, and move on. Every interaction is practice.
- Visualize Success Spend a few minutes every day imagining yourself having positive, relaxed conversations with people. Visualizing successful interactions helps “rewire” your mind to expect good outcomes. This is a useful mental exercise to overcome that extra cultural baggage and self-doubt that can hold us back. When you’re used to picturing success, it feels less scary to make it happen in real life.
- Celebrate Small Wins Don’t measure your success only by numbers or dates. Give yourself credit for taking action, even if it didn’t go perfectly. Every time you step out of your comfort zone, you’re winning. Asian guys often feel like we have to reach some high bar to feel “worthy.” But the truth is, progress itself is success. Recognize each step forward, and confidence will come more naturally.
These steps won’t erase approach anxiety overnight, but they’ll help you make real progress and build confidence over time. If you want to dive deeper with examples and explanations, check out the full video here.
And feel free to share any tips that have helped you—or ask questions if you’re struggling or interested in more advanced AA management techniques. We’re all here to support each other.
18:07 UTC
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