Because they're dead.

He thought he had seen his friend Keith but it was just a phone box.

To get to the other side.

He proceeds to have an existential crisis after he realizes that he walked into the physical manifestation of the lyrics that he just spoke.

Trustworthy

One day, Timmy's teacher asks him, "Timmy, if I give you 2 cats, then another 2 cats and then another 2 cats, how many cats would you have?". Timmy replied, "7".

The teacher said, "Listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, then 2 cats after that and then 2 more cats, how many cats would you have in total?". Timmy replied, "7".

The teacher, confused, said, "Ok, let's try this differently. If I give you 2 oranges, then another 2 oranges and then another 2 oranges, how many oranges would you have?". Timmy replied, "6".

The teacher then replied, "Great! So if I give you 2 cats, then another 2 cats and then another 2 cats, how many cats would you have?". Timmy replied, "7".

The teacher, frustrated, said, "Why do you keep replying 7 when you know how to add 2+2+2?"

Timmy said, "Cuz I already have 1 cat at home"

Everyone knows the black dudes would stomp the crackers. Crackers are inanimate objects... they are food.

They have never been to the moon.

Blue paint.

One

Because he's dumb

Severe weather meant her flight had to be delayed. It caused a minor rift in their relationship but after many months they worked through it.

The other one asks: “Do you want to talk about it?”.

Burning to death in Antarctica. Although freezing to death would be a horrible demise, you would eventually just fall asleep. Burning to death, however, would be extremely painful.

Because he doesn't want a girlfriend.

Because she's dead.

War

The doorman opens the door, allowing the bartender to enter, as "knock, knock" was, indeed, the password.

A lawsuit.

Their absurd ideology does not prevent them from enjoying each other's company as they get drunk and watch a football game.

It died

Finally

Because she was having sex.

It’s very tastefully furnished.

Just one.

They each sit down beside each other and after a couple drinks they start talking about their issues.

"My home is overrun with geese," The first man said. "This flock of geese is the only thing my father left me after he passed. Now I don't know what to do with them. They ate all the grass on my lawn. It's expensive to keep them fed. And they shit everywhere!"

"You think that's a bad inheritance?" the second man responded. "I got a useless plot of land. It's completely covered in overgrown weeds and grass so I can't do anything with it. I'm too old to clear it all out myself and it's costs too much to pay someone else to do it."

The third man took a long drink. He slammed the empty glass down and said, "I wish I had your problems. I convinced the governor to host the state fair in our town. But I just found out that the location I had in mind got closed down indefinitely due to a burst underground sewage pipe. Now I need to find a new location for a fair in this small town quick or I might lose my job."

The three of them all stared at each other. In that moment, they each came to the sudden realization that the solution to their problems were plain as day.

The first man decided he would sell the geese to an old friend of his who owns a large farm.

The second man decided to sell his land to a private investor.

The third man decided he would inform the governor about the situation and suggest a different town.

They all got up and left the bar. Never seeing each other again.

they wanted to express their opinion

No I didn’t.

Luckily I didn’t find that out the hard way, I fucking rose a dinosaur and stared at a wall for half an hour lol