/r/AmItheAsshole
A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole.
See our Best Of "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered!
A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in a real-world argument that's been bothering you. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole.
This is the sub to lay out your actions and conflicts and get impartial judgment rendered against you. Were you the asshole in that situation or not? Post should reflect real situations, and abide by the rules below.
After 18 hours, your post will be given a flair representing the final judgment on your matter. This flair is determined by the subscribers who have both rendered judgment and voted on which judgment is best. The power of the crowd will judge you. If your top level comment has the highest number of upvotes in a thread, you will get a flair point. More details are listed in our FAQ.
Visit our sister subreddit /r/AmItheButtface/ for posts about fiction or relationships, and basically anything that we don't allow here! /r/AmItheCloaca for posts from animals and /r/AmItheGrasshole for all your lawncare conflicts!
See our Best Of "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered
Looking for some Regional Assholes? /r/AkoBaYungGago/ /r/BenIkDeEikel /r/BinIchDasArschloch /r/EuSouOBabaca /r/suisjeletroudeballe
See our resources for those in an unhealthy or abusive relationship and resources for members of the LGBTQIA+ community that might need help or support
In your top level comment be sure to include one abbreviation for your judgment, i.e.
YTA = You're the Asshole;
YWBTA = You Would Be the Asshole;
NTA = Not the A-hole (and the other person is);
YWNBTA = You Would Not be the Asshole (and the other person would);
ESH = Everyone Sucks here;
NAH = No A-holes here;
INFO = Not Enough Info
Attack ideas, not people. The purpose of this sub is to determine and explain who is in the wrong, not to eviscerate anyone. Treat others with respect while helping them grow through outside perspectives. Derogatory or dehumanizing language, including insults, violate this rule.
This rule applies to everyone, even those not on Reddit. Don't insult others or get into prolonged spats in the comments. Don't lecture people about the rules (use reports).
Be respectful. Be nice. Don't be an asshole.
Upvote posts that make for an interesting discussion. DON'T downvote if you think OP is an asshole. DON'T DOWNVOTE COMMENTS YOU DISAGREE WITH. Downvotes should be reserved for off-topic discussions or spam. Report harassing comments, don’t engage.
Don't participate in threads you have found through crossposts and links outside of this subreddit. In this sub, your comment is a vote. Brigading/Vote manipulation is against Reddit site wide rules. Brigading will earn a permanent ban.
This sub is here for the submitter to discover what everyone else thinks of the ethics or mores of a situation. It is not here to draw people into an argument you want to have, or to defend your position. If people start saying you were the asshole, do not take that as an invitation to debate them on the subject... accept the judgment and move on. If you have valid reason to think a commenter needs more information or misunderstood the facts of the conflict, you may give new information.
DO NOT delete your submission once a discussion has begun. Your post must stay up for at least 48 hours. We encourage submitters to use throwaways to maintain their privacy, but deleting a discussion is unacceptable. Violators will be banned.
Don't even mention violence.
If your post or comment references violence, don't share it here. Any hint, mention, euphemism or suggestion of violence falls under this rule and isn't allowed.
Comments and even jokes about violence are not tolerated. Encouraging self-harm, suicide, "bad karma," property damage, food tampering, or anything that wishes mental or physical pain on anyone is strictly prohibited. Violating this rule will result in a permanent ban.
The TITLE of your submission must begin with the acronym AITA or WIBTA (would I be the asshole?), then a description of the situation.
Posts are limited to 3000 characters. Paragraphs are good; block text walls are bad. Format and punctuate your post reasonably. Be clear and concise. Don't link to screenshots or other subreddits. If you can't explain yourself in one post, without using external text pages, it does not belong here. Do not use someone else's account or a shared account.
Posts should be descriptions of recent interpersonal conflicts. Describe both sides in detail. Make it clear why you may be "the asshole."
Submissions must contain a real-life conflict between you and at least one other person. They should not be about feelings, opinions, or desires. If your conflict is with a larger demographic, an animal, someone online, a business, or a third party who’s irrelevant to the main question but thought what you did sucked, your post will be removed.
Posts must be truthful and presented as fairly and accurately as possible. Posts must be written entirely by you and from your own point of view. Do not post on behalf of others, or from the point of view of another person in the story.
This is not a humor sub. This isn't a sub for copypastas, satire, overly embellished stories, AI generated content, or creative writing exercises.
Shitposting will result in a permanent ban.
This is NOT an advice sub. All submissions that ask for advice (instead of or in addition to judgment) will be removed. This sub is for arbitration.
You may include advice when you make your comments, but remember that your primary objective in commenting is to assign blame and pass judgment.
If a thread's focus becomes about advice instead of arbitration the thread may be removed regardless of the OP's intent.
Posts dedicated to discussing AITA should be directed to the monthly open forum. Any META posts will be removed & may result in a ban.
Update posts require approval. This includes any post that references another post, including posting the other perspective. Review the update criteria for more info. Unapproved updates will result in a ban.
This is not a saga or diary sub. Excessive posting will result in a warning or ban.
AITA is not a relationship sub. We do not allow the following types of posts:
If judgment is primarily motivated by whether commenters agree with your stance on a broad issue it is not appropriate for this sub. This includes anything from politically motivated conflicts to innocuous issues like if cake is better than pie. If you're ultimately asking if it is okay to kick someone off your team for their sexual identity, stop talking to your friend because they vape, or any similar debate, your post will be removed.
No starting off topic debates about marginalized groups
There are many subreddits for sharing tales of revenge—this is not one of them. This is a sub for providing feedback on interpersonal conflict, not for endorsing how you escalate a conflict. If you're here to tell us how you punished someone who totally had it coming, you're probably breaking this rule.
AITA is a platform for moral judgment, not medical advice. The life and death consequences of many medical conflicts are well outside of Reddit's paygrade. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is transmitting or contracting any communicable disease, or undergoing any kind of medical procedure.
Subreddit rules are intended to provide a brief overview of our sub's content standards. Please ensure you read the FAQs for a detailed understanding of our community standards.
Normal Rediquette applies
Filters | ||
---|---|---|
Assholes | Not Assholes | Updates |
Everyone Sucks | No A-holes Here | Talks |
/r/AmItheAsshole
I M(15) recently found the subreddit r/teenagers and thought it would be cool to post on it asking for help with my hair. After i posted some guy Dmed me and we were making small talk until he randomly said i was cute. i called him out on it being weird and he got all sad and started ending his messages in periods to make a point that he was sad(i think he was trying to guilt trip me). Also he said he didn't mean it sexually but it came out of nowhere and in his bio he said he's bi. idk how to feel about the whole situation.
This is a tale as old as time. Alas, here we are. I am in the military. My wife is also veteran (no longer serving) turned stay at home mom. We have 3 kids, 2 in elementary and 1 that isn’t old enough for school yet. I work at a minimum 45-50 hours a week. Sometimes more. For example this week we are on 12 hour shifts for 7 straight days. She is familiar with this, she used to have the same job as me. So, when I come home after a day like today and her fuse is exhausted (the 3 kids are driving her crazy) I don’t feel inclined to feel bad for her. We have had this talk at least 10 times. I listen, in the past I have tried to help her come up with solutions, sometimes she says she doesn’t want solutions, so other times I don’t give any advice. But then she gets upset with me that I’m less than willing to grovel to her, when I just worked 24 out of the last 48 hours. She already has a bachelors degree, and attempted to start school again (she gave to because it was too stressful) and she isn’t extremely motivated to get a job yet due to the kids ages, and I put no pressure on her to do so. But I have suggested both options to her as either would help her generate her own money. The GI bill provides a monthly allowance if you’re a full time student. Job is self explanatory. On top of that she gets $600/month that I have never asked for even a dime of from a disability check. She could use this money to get a baby sitter quite frankly whenever. She doesn’t. Also, when the older two are in school M-F she can and does take the baby to the mommy-gym. Or she can read a book, go get a coffee, literally anything. So. I’m just out of gas when it comes to this conversation anymore. I am A very helpful dad when I’m home, and have almost no hobbies of my own. Only to sneak away to the gym for an hour or two 1-2 times a week if I can! And I feel bad for the kids AND her because it ends up being long, less than beautiful days for everyone when she’s like this. Not saying necessarily that she’s TA, but AITA?
My “girlfriend” F18 and me M18 got in a sexual relationship knowing she was in a struggling relationship. I want to be with her and she wants to be with me. However, she doesn’t want to end her struggling relationship with the other guy M18 unless he ends it. AITA for wanting her to end her struggling relationship, knowing we’re in love?
AITA, It’s been years since this happened but away for a year due to work and will move afterwords, we both agreed that I wouldn’t pay to come back 6 months early because our relationship was strong. I was 27 and she was 26. From when I left, things were good between me and her despite an 8 hour difference (I was ahead). We’ve been long distance for 4 years before getting married. The phone calls, the video chats, the picture sending was great at the beginning. Give it 3 months and I ask her how work is going. she tells me this new guy started in her room. She calls him her “little brother”, they are just friends. “Okay nice”. my stomach churns a little. She spends time with him and his group of friends. I’m not one to stand in the way of that kind of thing so I just think she’s having fun. 6 to 8 months pass. We get the occasional, you didn’t call me back, I’m sorry I was asleep, and the “don’t call me/dont care” speech from each other. We make up but as she talks to me. I find out she’s seeing this guy alone. They go to concerts, go out to eat. I call and he’s there at our house watching a movie at 8pm. Okay, a little weird. I overreact. Her friends that I know even tell me they think something is going on between them. I don’t talk to her the rest of the night since I have to go to work. I come back home off the plane and is late picking me up. I meet this guy, his brother and other people. They’re nice. However, she doesn’t act the same way while being with him. She’s joking with him and even takes food off of his plate. Practically flirting. I get upset with her and ask her what’s going on and she says nothing, we’re just friends. I don’t believe it. Next few days, I’m getting everything ready, our stuff gets picked up by the movers, then our dog starts acting weird. I take him to the vet and find out he’s sick. We put him down due to kidney disease. I get sick and have to go to the emergency room. I ask her where she is and find out she’s with that guy again “working late”. On a drive home after eating out. She tells me that she wants to stay for maybe a year. I ask why and tells me I don’t know. Oh because of that guy? She says no then gets mad at me. I yell at her and start overreacting saying some mean things I’m not proud of. After meeting with a marriage counselor. She still tells me she wants to stay and tell her okay we’re getting divorced. I ask for the rings and necklace when we first got together and after getting married. Even took back the Disney interlocking keychain that I hand made for both of us. That was practically the end for me. I buy our dog an urn and let her keep it since it was her dog. Our house was up for lease, I let her stay with me until she found a place at the hotel I reserved. I slept on the couch and gave her the bed. The rest of the time she was still seeing that guy and found a place for 500. I resulted to begging for the remaining days but ended alone to my next place. We divorced before the year ended.
Quick context, I was in the middle of moving city for this man. Found a job and starting to set up my business. A whole 3 weeks later, he decided to drop the “I don’t think I can give you what you need”. Completely out of the blue, I felt so blindsided given the fact the week before he was saying he loved me, I was his wife etc. The excuse he gave was due to his ongoing custody battle, he isn’t sure he would be able to commit to marriage and further kids with me and he doesn’t want to stop me from having those things given my age etc. It felt like a lame excuse tbh, this has been ongoing for 8 months so why now has he decided he can’t do it. He was the one talking about marriage and kids initially and for the past 6 months when I’ve tried to progress the relationship there has always been some excuse or resistance. I feel like he leans avoidant and the relationship became real as I started to transition to his city and he bailed. I cried so hard all weekend, I felt like my whole world crumbled. For the past 4 weeks I have cried myself to sleep every night and I have probably been depressed to some degree. I haven’t wanted to do anything but bed rot. I had to hand in my notice at my new job and we agreed he would let me stay at his house for the days I work in his city until then. We agreed to no contact but we have broke it every week and continue to sleep together. He continues to tell me that we are over, I asked him last week so should I move on? He said he didn’t want that but yes. So, I downloaded a dating app, encouraged by my friends at work more to cheer me up as a laugh than anything serious. They feel like the situationship I’ve found myself in with my ex isn’t healthy. I actually paused my account and haven’t spoke to anyone on the app, arranged dates etc. So this weekend, while me and my ex were chilling. I showed him something on my phone and he saw the app downloaded. He got so angry and said he’s never talking to me again. To leave the key when I go and don’t come back. I tried to explain to him and he wasn’t trying to listen at all. He stormed out and I am literally heartbroken. He was like your in my space and you’re on a dating app. I get that he’s hurt but he doesn’t want a relationship with me. He has continued to make it VERY clear that despite the sex and weekends together we are both single. I never wanted anyone else but him, I didn’t download the app with any intention. Everyone is telling me I did nothing wrong but I feel like now I’m the bad guy.
I have some friends that I have been close with for a long time. I am hosting a party that is coming up in a few weeks and, while planning who to invite, I've been considering leaving them off.
I have a few different groupings of friends that I hang out with, and my two older friends have been fairly rude to some of my newer friends (ex. never talking to them when the others try to say something to them, completely ignoring them, whining about them to me in front of the others, constantly giving them the cold shoulder, etc.). Now, I'm not expecting all my friends to completely get along because I know they all are quite different, but this party I am planning to host is either the last, or second to last, big party I will get to have where I can hang out with and invite any of my friends that I want to (as many will be moving away soon). I want the party to be fun for everyone and not end badly with fights or drama, but I also know that the area I am hosting the party at is fairly small and doesn't give a ton of space for everyone to get away from one another. I have been toying with the idea of inviting everyone and just letting everyone know that they may not like all the guests, but I don't want my newer friends to not go specifically because they don't want to make things awkward.
I mentioned the guest list to a few of my friends (both older and newer) and they all have said it might be awkward being around each other in one room seeing as two of them seem to have problems with everyone else. I don't want to ruin everyone's enjoyment at this party, but I also want to invite all of my friends. I told one of my friends (one who complains about my newer friends a lot) about me planning to invite some people she doesn't like and she went on and on about how I was being selfish by inviting everyone and clearly just wanting drama. I told her that I just wanted all my friends to get along and snapped at her that if she could put her feelings behind her for one night, it wouldn't be awkward.
I already told my childhood friends bits and pieces about the party and they are expecting an invitation. I know that if I don't send it, they'll want an in-depth explanation that I can't provide.
WIBTA?
I live with family currently so i can save up and move out and of course i’m appreciative, but i sleep in the living room which is next to the kitchen and also the front door.
I’ve been annoyed at my 2 family members who live here because they don’t try to limit their noise levels, light pollution, how late they come into the kitchen, and they have a dog who doesn’t get taken out enough and so she’ll pee and poop in the living room—- where i sleep.
Now i’m not expecting to stop their life at midnight or even 1am. while i would love to be able to sleep by that time, i know it’s not fair to dictate that so i’ve been adjusting to going to sleep later
My issue is if i communicate my issues, i come off the wrong way, so ppl feel the need to walk on eggshells, so i try to not rock the boat or be too annoyed but after months of it happening it does get hard.
I do pay a small portion of rent so i feel like i don’t really have the right to say anything and although i am passive about it, my irritation comes out.
I thought humor could work but even my humor is prickly smh, so i get it but tonight my sibling and her friend come in at 3am, the apartment door is extremely heavy so it will slam if you let it, and so they come in let it slam, and at at max speaking volume. They are not extremely drunk but just loud and happy. I was dead asleep and woke up.
They went through the hallway, turned on the light— and then my step mom comes out of her room and they’re all yelling in the hallway, and i call out “ima beat y’all up “ i wasn’t being serious but there is truth in every joke, and i am actually annoyed at the inconsideration
I know how i might be the asshole for saying that but i want to know—
AITA for wanting it to be quiet in the living room after a certain time? I’ve been adjusting for their schedules, and so there should be consideration for me at some point.
How can i bring this issue up properly without rubbing ppl the wrong way or seeming like i’m trying to dictate.
TLDR; AITA for being annoyed by late night loud family members?
what do i say to not come off as a jerk but still express my concerns about the lack of consideration for me sleeping near where all the traffic of the apartment is?
Hello this is my first post on here but (17f) wedding is in 2 years but I'm really excited for it. And I dodon't really want to invite my (40f) mother because she really wasn't there for me when I was younger. She love don't drugssand she cheated on my dad (43m) a lot when they were together. When I was in 2st or 3ed grade I saw her with my neighbor and then we got kicked out of our house and I lived with my dad ever since. My childhood was rough but me and my dad was like pees and a pod we were and still close.
But now that I'm engaged i was thinking who to invite. I don't know if I should invite my mother because of what she did I could go on and on. On what she did when I did live with her but that's a lot. But my grandmother (54f) that I'm also close said that I should invite her just to keep the pease but my dad and my (42f) mother-in-law said that it's my choice and I'm looking for advice on what it do.
And thank for reading this and I will answer questions and reply to lol comments 😋
. So i have very bad asthma, recintly i was hospitalized for a week a couple months back, unfortunately since then its been uphill and i have relied on steroids heavily (albuterol and flovent and stuff doctors gave me). So much its a hassle sometimes to even wake up and head to collage wth out using the emergency inhaler. I am also out of ensurance so my meds last only so long until insurance finally aproves me.
I work at a fast food, i am the team trainer, after me being hospitalized to told my upper manager that i cannot work wth fumes no more as my condition has worsen, he was understanding altough as well did try to get me to work wth chemicals at times and i had to explain to him i couldn't again he understood and was polite to some extent. Maybe a bit frustrated since before i used to handle all that stuff fine i just cant now.
Come today and there's a new manager, end of shift comes ans he NEEDS someone to filter out the oil on the friers i explained that altough some in the shift have training we dint filter at this store during closing. He then asked me, i explained that i cannot due to asthma, he then very arrogantly, tells me he has asthma to, i simply said the fumes would be an irratant and before i could finish my sentence he left. Guess he was annoyed,minutes later hes done wth the first half and asked me if i can do the other 2 machines again, i again try to explain that i cannot as i have been hospitalzied bla bla bla and my lungs cannot take that. He very much just leaves annoyed. As if it was my purposefully doing this.
Also, asthma rescue medication (inhalers) can sometimes not work if the attack is severe enough, i already experienced this before the hospital thing, my lungs where just shutting down, took 3 days of continuous albuterol and other steroids via therapy to get me stable. So i don't wanna end ho there again. Could i have done something better so that my managers can understand more clearly and not be jerks about it?.
Thanks in advance.
I need to vent about a situation unfolding in the youth travel basketball league in my town (Westwood, MA). The league has always provided a space for 7th and 8th-grade girls to play and grow together. But this year, that’s all changed—and not for the better.
Here’s what happened:
The league just approved a combined 7th/8th-grade girls’ team, which is already unusual. Even more frustrating, the person coaching this new “hybrid” team is a woman who also runs a private AAU basketball organization (Ozone) and coaches at Notre Dame Academy in Hingham. Her coaching position seems to have given her sway to rearrange our town’s teams to fit her agenda—one that conveniently benefits her own 6th-grade daughter.
Now, over 40 girls who have played together for years are directly impacted by this change. Instead of forming separate 7th and 8th-grade teams, they’ve been combined and shuffled around, displacing kids who worked hard to make these teams every year since they began basketball. Parents were blindsided with this news only after rosters were issued, and complaints have been dismissed without any intent to fix the situation.
What’s really going on?
It seems like the real reason for this team restructuring is to give this coach’s 6th-grade daughter (who is a tiny point guard) more competitive experience with larger and older girls so she can justify putting her on the Notre Dame high school team next year. She even went to the tryout to choose the “support players” from each grade specifically to fit her daughter’s needs, at the expense of other kids who actually deserve spots on the traditional 7th and 8th-grade teams.
Meanwhile, this coach has her own “elite” AAU club. So why not develop her child there instead of co-opting the town league that other kids and parents rely on?
Why it matters:
I think it’s unfair for her to use a public youth sports league like this—especially when she’s already got a private club at her disposal. Other parents have spoken up, but the league is refusing to make any changes.
What would you do if this were your town? Anyone else dealing with youth sports politics like this?
My partner (29m) has an ex (25f) who has it out for our relationship I have known my partners ex since high school and she was honestly not a nice person even then she actually cheated on my partner when they were together and fell pregnant with the other man’s child (who ended up leaving her mid way through the pregnancy) She left my partner and moved overseas taking their daughter with her and leaving my partner in an inconsolable state he spent 2 years running himself down drinking and drugs to forget the pain of losing his daughter and partner I myself had a pretty rough relationship with my owns kids dad and we also ended on bad terms 1 year after leaving my relationship I went on tinder and met my now partner who I have been inseparable from ever since (until now) Leading up to this we have honestly been through a lot but one day I saw a text pop up from his ex being quiet forward and flirty with a couple x’s behind it so I mentioned it to him that it had made me uncomfortable and I would like him to set some boundaries with her in this regard so that’s what he did and she absolutely lost her mind over this Sent text after text after text saying how I’m crazy and jealous and thinks she wants him back and that I’m not safe to have around their daughter because I’m just so drama filled them goes on to say how she has her own partner who she is happy with and in about 7 different messages states how she “would never go back to him” She then starts saying she feels sorry for my partner because I must be an insecure girl But the thing is I never once have been bothered about their communication as they have a daughter just like I have kids with my ex it’s a given To me it all came down to respect and I’m so confused if I’m an asshole for trying to set these boundaries My partner is upset at me as she is now using their daughter as a pawn and saying he can’t see her because of me but I thought something as simple as a text saying “hey would you mind not sending x’s and kissy faces as it comes off disrespectful to my relationship” could turn into me being an absolute villain I respect her as a mother but I really thought she would have responded saying no worries I wanted to say something myself but didn’t want to overstep so stayed out of it but I just can’t help but feel completely disrespected So AITA for trying to set boundaries with my partners ex!?!
I live next door to a business and the workers keep parking across my driveway even though it is illegal. Once someone was parked across my driveway for 3 hours and another time I was late for surgery because I couldn’t get out of my house. The workers keep making noise at 4.30am and midnight even though they have noise restrictions between 5pm and 7am. Today when I got home I noticed someone (who has done this before) was parked across my driveway so I simply parked behind them and walked inside. About half an hour later they came back to their car and were in parked in and didn’t like it. I completely lost it at them and they told me I was a mean person and the nastiest homeowner on the street. I proceeded to call the police and formally complained to their CEO. Is this a normal reaction?
I (19M) currently work at a movie theater in New York. I just hit 3 years there and the job has been tons of fun. Yeah, there are some rough days, but I've honestly loved it. A big reason why I continue to work there is the group of people that I work with. Every couple of months, people come and go and the dynamic of the theater changes, and the current crop of workers that we have right now is a great bunch of workers who are quick, smart and hard working. However, there's one issue: they are very much night owls and love to party. Most nights, they stay up until 5 AM or so playing games on Discord, finding a 24/7 diner, staying at the theater to watch something, etc.
So last night, about 16 out of my 40 of my co workers threw an early Halloween party at one of their houses. I didn't attend, but I was in the group chat that was made for all the invited guests. From pictures and other gossip from people who attended, everyone had a lot of drinks and got pretty drunk. The party was also shut down around 2 AM as a neighbor apparently got mad at how loud they were, so they stopped early.
Fast forward to today, I had a closing 6-2 shift. Imagine how I felt when literally half of the people that attended the party called out or just didn't show up and told no one. This left me and 3 other people as well as one extra hand to run the entire theater on the floor on Venom opening weekend, and we were very understaffed. Mind you, they've had over 16 hours to feel better from the party, but they just decided to not show up.
In a furious mood after work, I went onto the group chat and called out the people who didn't show up, calling them rude, irresponsible and disrespectful for not showing up to work when they knew that they were working the next day and had time to prepare themselves. Now I'm getting bashed in private DMs from people in the group chat saying that this was uncalled for and that I should've kept my thoughts to myself.
I feel the reason I did this though was because this group of people always drink and party and usually show up late, but if they are now deciding to not show up period, and it's starting to get on my nerves. So I wrote out the message with the thought of giving them a warning, but now I don't know if I made the right choice or not. So AITA in this situation?
(Edited for spelling)
Lately it doesn't seem like it matters what time it is, my upstairs neighbors at my apartment complex like to create a lot of noise upstairs. Last night around 11 pm, they were creating so much noise that I could feel my entire bedroom shake and it was giving me a pulsing headache. I was truly getting pissed and I kept sending a friend voice memos of just these insanely loud noises that sounded like a herd of elephants running through the room.
I watched some TikTok videos on my phone and listened to some music and eventually I was able to drown all the noise out.
Well tonight around 7 pm, I could hear the herd of elephants so to speak yet again. It was even worse this time and I got pissed. I couldn't control my anger so I went upstairs and literally pounded on their door for about three minutes.
No one answered the door but I could hear very loud music and then eventually the noise came to a stop. Or at least it got quieter. I kept knocking because I wanted to talk to someone but no one answered so I went back downstairs while still pissed off.
So what I want to know is WIBTA if I reported them to the office with a noise complaint? Especially if this behavior continues. Their system is a warning and then I believe it's a $300 fine.
I live with my girlfriend, and a lot of the time, we’ll end up doing things she enjoys, even if I’m not super interested. I don’t mind—it’s part of being in a relationship, taking an interest in each other’s hobbies. This weekend, though, we’d planned a night around stuff I like: a couple of movies I picked out and some games afterward. I was genuinely looking forward to it.
We started the first movie, and within 15 minutes, my girlfriend had her phone out and was scrolling through social media. I paused the movie and asked if she’d mind actually watching it instead of being on her phone. She said she was paying attention, but then started asking questions about things that had already been explained. She kept going back to her phone, so each time she did, I paused the movie.
She got annoyed and said I was being unreasonable. I explained that I happily take an interest in her interests, but she couldn’t seem to sit through one movie for me. She said she was still watching, but I pointed out that if that were true, she wouldn’t keep missing what was going on.
She accused me of being passive-aggressive and claimed she wasn’t doing anything wrong. I told her it just hurt that she couldn’t even try to be interested in what I had planned. When the movies were done, she suggested we start the game, so I thought, okay, maybe she’s willing to engage now. But as soon as I got the game set up, she said, “Actually, I’m going to call it an early night,” and went to bed.
This morning, I told her how much it bothered me that she didn’t even try to take an interest in my plans for one evening. She said I was just trying to guilt-trip her and make her feel bad. I told her that wasn’t what I was doing, but if she feels bad, maybe she should ask herself why. She just repeated that I was guilt-tripping her.
AITA for expecting her to pay attention of the movies and games and pausing the movie when she picked up her phone.
Hi, using a throwaway for the usual reasons. I live about 1200 miles from my family. We have always been close but this feels off to me. The issue is that my Grandma is dying. She is 96 and has had health problems before but has always pulled through. About 9 months ago she started having falls at home (she lived in a small place behind my parent's house so they could help her). My family decided she needed more help than they could give so she went to live in an assisted living facility. The care is awful and not long after moving in my grandma had a fall that broke her hip. She had surgery and a ton of drama later she was put back in the same facility. She did not want to go back but my Uncle who is her POA insisted so that's what happened.
This summer things were not good with her so I took some time off work to go see if I could help. I work in healthcare and knew they were feeling overwhelmed so I wanted to help. The facility was even worse than Grandma said and I spent my vacation helping her and talking to doctors and the facility to try to improve her situation but as soon as I left the agreements I reached with the facility were changed with my uncle (he is a good person he just does not understand what she needs) and her care got even worse. She has now had two more bad falls with the one two nights ago resulting in a broken neck. She is now on hospice and the doctor says she will not make a month.
Here is my problem. My family wants to return her to that facility saying that she is unresponsive for the most part and won't even know where she is so it's ok. I cant stand the thought of putting her back in that awful place to die. I talked to my husband and he agreed I need to go. I talked to my boss and was able to take a leave from work. I called my family to ask them to just make sure she is in a safe place till I can get there. I can get a flight in 3 days and asked my parents if I could use a room in their house to take care of her till she passes. This is not an easy decision for me. I have two kids that I cant take and it puts my job in a bad spot and leaves my husband with a huge amount of extra work during the busiest time of his year (he has his own business). Its hard but I cant stand the thought of her back in that awful place and I am qualified to take care of her. I did not ask for help taking care of her just a room to do it in. My mom was very quiet and did not seem to want me to come so I asked her what was going on and she said that is is just a lot to think about since everyone would have to sacrifice so much since they all have jobs. I did not ask them to sacrifice anything. I am the one making the sacrifices and I am not resentful about that. This is something that I want to do. I know grandma would have done the same for me and has given up a lot for me over the years. I am not asking for help just a room. Am I missing something here? AITA for asking for a place to take care of my Grandma as she dies?
I was being over dramatic since my girlfriend went through my Reddit I did the same and I saw post where she said she was single I confronted her about and she said it wasn’t serious so I want to know what others think about situation is it valid it am I tripping?
I’m 22F and recently moved back home after living abroad for a couple of years. I don’t pay rent, so staying with my mom was a practical choice. Since moving back, I’ve been helping her by looking after her 11-month-old puppy whenever she’s out. I didn’t mind until recently, when the puppy, who has health issues, had a seizure while I was alone. I had to drive an hour to the emergency vet at 1am, and it was terrifying. I work 7 days a week, keep up with house chores, and barely have any time or energy left.
Last night, my mom told me she was staying with her boyfriend in the city and wanted me to care for the dog. I admitted I didn’t want to because of my schedule and stress, but she got really angry, saying I have a “shitty attitude” since I live here for free, so I caved.
Now, she’s planning to go on holiday for a month, assuming I’ll handle the dog full-time. With my hours (6 am - 7/8 pm), it feels impossible. But I know she’ll guilt-trip me since I don’t pay rent.
AITA for not wanting to take care of the dog? Am I overreacting?
I (15f) talked to a friend last night at around 1 am last night on phone and woke two people in my family up. I got in trouble for this but the thing is my friend was going through an extraordinary and extreme situation so she really wanted me to talk with her. I think it’s unfair that I’m in trouble when this was the context.
To preface this, I’m currently on the other side of the globe for the next year (work). Typically, I tell my wife everything. How my day went, what’s new, any spicy gossip going on, etc. Been married for 7 years, and have a strong level of trust built up. Never cheated on her, and have no desire to. Got three beautiful children that I would never dream of doing anything to jeopardize my ability to see them.
Recently, I found a group of locals who hang out at a cafe. I’m in a dry country, so zero alcohol, and the local socialization is done in cafes or malls. Just stumbled upon the group, they saw I was a foreigner and basically took me under their wing and see me as one of them now.
I told my wife about the group, of course. Told her the names, that it’s a mature group of people (ages 30-45, bankers, government workers, lawyers, etc) all married or actively in relationships. It’s a mix of male and female.
Maybe none of that back info was necessary, but I’m asking y’all’s opinion on this because the past few times I’ve hung out with them, my wife says stuff like “you haven’t had time to talk to me today”, “you’ve sure been busy today”, or when I told her on the phone yesterday (I always call her anytime I drive places, because I like talking to her) that I was on my way back to my place, after I said I was out late she said in her typical sarcastic tone “hmm, that must be nice”.
I’m out here not seeing my children, working every day, and I just like that I found a group of people that I can spend time with and experience normalcy for once or twice a week. Every time I’ve hung out with them, there’s some kind of backhanded comment about “must be nice” or “wow you sure have time for friends out there”.
Each little comment like that just makes me want to replace “I’m going to the cafe to hang out” with “I’m going to XX place to do XX work, I won’t be allowed to have my phone on me.” I hate lying to her, but if she’s going to just get annoyed every time then I’m tempted to. I call my wife and kids every single day when I get off work, and I’ll spend hours on the phone with them. I don’t see why me going to see new friends is any reason for her to get an attitude.
So Reddit, WIBTA if I just stopped telling her this one thing that I do?
Okay to start of I 16(f) have had this thought for a very long time but the other day my friends and I were talking about our futures and how they saw their families in their future especially their moms how they’d repay their moms for everything,then it came to me to talk and I said “I’m not going to do shit for my mom” they looked at me like I was crazy then the asked why,in truth I wanted to say because she hurt me she was an alcoholic , she also worked a lot so I was by myself (occasional visits from my siblings) so I had to teach myself how to cook (which she takes credit for) I became incredibly emotionally mature I had to understand that my feelings and my life didn’t matter my mom was struggling and that stuck with me not to mention the amount of times she hit me and emotionally attacked me. She would also sometimes take me out when she went drinking and I remember this time she took me in a bar I got overstimulated by the bright lights and music and all these adults I didn’t know and ran out cry she didn’t come after instead one of her drinking buddies did and when they called her out she said I had ruined her fun (mind you I was 7)with many more instances like this. I tried to tell my family that all of that and more has shaped me and really messed me up (I mean I was deeply depressed at 8) they tell me that I’m overreacting, it all happened years ago and I didn’t have much to deal with that and constantly complaining about how I’m horrible and not good like my sister.All that and that I’m the family therapist they keep burdening me with their issues and yet I can’t do the same and everything I do I do wrong in their eyes even now I feel so horrible writing this I’m breaking apart every time I think that I didn’t get the chance to be a kid and now I’m so detached from my family I don’t care when she hits me or yells or calls me a disappointment I’m just counting the seconds until I can leave and I just need an outside perspective because I’m scared of to open up and trust people so Reddit AITA?
Hey all, sorry if this post is a bit scattered, I have a lot of thoughts at the moment.
Some context, due to the housing crisis and other circumstances, me, my mother, and my grandparents are all living in the same house at the moment. Grandparents own the house.
A bit over 2 months ago I found out I had Skin Cancer. I have kept this secret from most of my family, besides my mother and siblings. The main reason for this is because my grandparents are hands down the most negative people I've ever met. They are horrible at communicating, both with each other and others. My grandma in particular is extremely narcissistic, and basically thinks she is perfect, and that her opinion is the only opinion. Basically I didn't want to deal with her BS while going through such a difficult time.
Last week I had surgery to remove more of the area around the mole (on my leg), and a sentinel node biopsy around the groin, to check if the cancer has spread. At this point I decided that trying to hide it any longer was impractical, and I really just couldn't be bothered worrying about my family's behaviour instead of focusing all of my energy on beating this. My mother told my grandparents while I was at the hospital.
Things have been ok for the most part, but for the first couple of days my grandmother was getting upset at me for talking and joking about it (I have a dark sense of humour and don't plan on changing that), which is partially how I've been dealing with it. I more or less let that go and just kinda ignored her, because I guess that is an understandable reaction.
However, yesterday she was talking about one of her (very few) friends, who is a nurse. She's nice enough but comes across as a bit of a know it all, and grandma complains about her behind her back quite a bit. She told me "don't tell her, and if she comes over you'll have to hide in the bedroom for a while so she doesn't see your leg and start asking questions. I don't want to deal with her ringing up all the time and constantly asking how you are doing"
Ok.. first of all, as far as I'm concerned, NOBODY gets to have a say in who I tell or don't tell. That's my business and nobody else's!
Secondly, I'm obviously quite mad that she expects me to hide, because she can't have a proper adult conversation with another Human Being. I even said to her at the time "So you'd prefer your cancer having grandson to hide away like I have something to be ashamed of, rather than just telling your friend that you'd rather not discuss it?" To which she immediately bit back with "Oh don't talk s***, do not tell her!"
I pretty much just walked away at that point, but I've been dwelling on it since yesterday, and am so mad that she seriously expects me to hide in the house I live in, perhaps for hours, just so she can avoid a real conversation. It makes me want to tell them out of bloody spite to be completely honest!
Sorry but I needed to vent, and would like to hear Reddit's thoughts. Thanks
yeah it’s kinda complicated this one; so my gf (F27) and i (M26) were at a college homecoming party which is typically one the craziest block parties annually i was only there because my gf wanted me to do homecoming events with her and tht one seemed like it would be good for me.
long story short, she decided to split up from her friend group to find another friend and tht actually made me mad bc i still needed the other friend who was our ride and had my backpack in the car. so we spent a lot of time looking for my gf’s friend group , and while we were posted up waiting somewhere with my arm around her waist, she turned around and said “babe omg it’s [rapper] and omgs it’s [streamer] and run up to give the streamer a tight hug around his neck. these aren’t just any celebrities. these are celebrities i literally despise for valid reasons and i’ve told her this more than once. it could’ve been anybody even chris brown and i wouldn’t have been mad but it was these particular celebrities. when they saw her run up to the streamer and hug him they started smiling and laughing and looking at me and i didn’t know if they were streaming but i saw someone with a tripod. then she begged me for a photo with the streamer and i muttered to her “babe you know i don’t fuck with this nigga” and she snapped at me and said to take the picture. and all the streamer could do was smile. i felt so embarrassed bc i feel like there’s a respectful way to ask a celebrity for a photo, ESPECIALLY if you’re in a relationship. celebs don’t like to be run up on unless it’s a pretty girl usually and this dude was smiling and enjoying it all.
briefly lemme explain why i have a problem with these particular celebrities; i dislike the streamer because when he was a youtuber he had potential to make good content as a filmmaker but chose to just assert himself in stupid youtube drama for views and became a clout demon and even started boxing for clout. not only that ; he treats women so weirdly hes literally a pervert. so the fact i gotta take a pic of this nigga cheesing with his arm around my girl is foul. i acted like i was about to give him a handshake but i just said “aye bro watch how you treat women” and he’s like “whatttt??? 😅🤔” and his security is like “he’s good bro”. the other celebrity i dislike because he’s egotistical asf and doesn’t seem genuine at all. he used to be a youtuber and transitioned into being a shitty rapper and he never humbled himself. i hate seeing clips of him speak so disingenuously so seeing him in person wasn’t pleasant at all.
she obviously thinks it’s just a photo. she ofc is downplaying the situation saying i’m overreacting and the situation is in the past and that she just wanted a photo with celebrities.
AMITA for cussing her out for this? are my feelings valid in this situation? what would you do if your partner fangirled over a celebrity you didn’t like as a person ?
The topic is ridiculous, I’m aware. But I needed some opinions because it does consist of my whole friend group and I don’t want to disrespect anyone.
So my bestfriend, who I am going to refer to as Naya was recently added to this group I had since before her. Naturally, since I adore her I wanted her to know the rest of my friends too. My group is pretty big, about 15 people who get together and hang out so we’re not all very close but close enough. I’m more close to some people within the group than others and those people are the ones who met my bestfriend and added her to our groupchats as well. I was happy to see this progress because I adore this girl incredibly, she’s the most supportive being I’ve met and a literal blessing sent from God at a time when I needed it.
Now me and my bestfriend are also as flirty with each other as most girl bestfriends are and we make our dirty jokes too. Adding that the friends of mine (let’s call them Group A) who added her in the groupchat are exactly the same too. The people who didn’t want her in the groupchat will be Group B.
This one day, I was about to relax in bed and saw a new groupchat was made. At first I was confused but then I read the title. Our actual proper groupchat has everyone’s initials in it and I saw my bestfriend’s missing. I felt dread. The next text was from a girl in Group B essentially explaining that some people in our group are not comfortable with Naya and that they don’t want to partake in the type of conversations she does. So they wanted to make a groupchat aside from her. And that Group B wasn’t instantly comfortable with her as Group A was. I expressed that though I understood where they come from, I did not want to take part in a groupchat made with the purpose of excluding my bestfriend, I wouldn’t feel good about myself.
I can’t lie that I wasn’t angry about this, I was. They made it sound like Naya and me being flirty with each other was wrong when in fact a lot of people in our group do that. They made it sound like Naya was always doing nsfw conversations or making inappropriate jokes. To clarify, the jokes are not severe whatsoever on the nsfw scale, I just don’t know a proper way to classify them. For example, a day prior to this gc being made, she texted me in the gc: “I want to kiss you on the lips” And I replied with, “You can kiss me wherever you want 😏”
This conversation was happening in a groupchat where the whatsapp stickers are booty related, among girls who sometimes smack each other on the butt or talk flirtingly with each other so I don’t know what was so out of place about Naya. They were unhappy with me leaving the second groupchat.
Anyways, this was tedious and boring to type but I need perspective of strangers who hold no bias for me or Group B. So AITH?
Three weeks ago, I had my bucks night with 10 of my closest friends. It was an amazing night, organized by my best friend, James, who I’ve known since childhood. He did a great job, which was a surprise because he's not usually the best at organizing things. We went axe throwing, then to a pub for drinks, followed by dinner, and ended the night at a club.
This morning, James texted me asking when I could pay him back for what he spent on me during the bucks night. I found this strange because, at every bucks night I’ve attended before, the group usually chips in extra to cover the buck so he doesn’t have to pay for anything. In fact, one of the groomsmen even made a speech at the start of the night, telling everyone to make sure I didn’t touch my wallet—that they would cover everything. Anytime I didn’t have a drink in hand, someone would buy me one.
James claims he spent $250 on me and said he’s happy to cover $100 of it but would appreciate if I could pay him back the remaining $150. I asked my fiancée and another mutual friend (who couldn’t attend), and they both advised me that I shouldn’t be paying for anything.
I explained to James that usually, the amount spent on the buck is divided among the attendees, but he said he already collected money from the others and felt bad about asking them for more. I suggested he could just ask them to chip in a bit extra, they were all really nice people and would understand.
Later this afternoon, James called me, clearly upset, saying he felt let down because he did all the work to organise the night and that I wasn’t contributing. He mentioned that he wouldn’t have agreed to be the best man if he’d known he’d end up out of pocket by $250. Things got heated, and now I’m wondering—am I the asshole?
So I was in a relationship for 3 years living together (M27) (F32) and we hit a rough patch and split up by having me move out 2 1/2 months ago. Well a little over a week ago she decided to actually break things off and break up! 2 days later an old crush got a hold of me and we really hit it off. I have no intentions getting back with my ex! She was manipulative and didn't show any interest in me towards the end of our relationship.
So just yesterday my ex wanted to come drop off some things I left at her place and talk. I was talking to a mutual friend of ours expressing I don't want to hurt her feelings but I felt she should know I'm talking to someone else. The friend thought it would be a good idea if it came from her so she told her and she freaked out! From what my friend told me she was crying like crazy. She messaged me saying she was missing me a lot the last few days and how could I just throw away the last 3 years after only a week. AITA?
AITA for not sitting at a Rock concert with a large elderly attendance?
I (23m) went to a concert for a older, popular rockstar. He's my favorite artist and I feel super lucky to have seen him for the second time, especially considering his age and how expensive the tickets were.
As I expected, a vast majority of the audience were on the older side (50+). I also noticed that like ¾ of the crowd were seated for a majority of the show.
I like to dance and get super hyped up when rocking out, so I stood for the entirety of the show.
I was asked by a couple a few rows back if I could sit down! I offered to switch seats with them, but they declined and kept insisting that I sit down. Eventually they moved, but I could help feeling a little bad about it all.
I try to be a courteous and understanding as I can. Was I the asshole for wanting to rock out granted my young age?
Okay I just really need an outside perspective here because I feel like I’m gonna lose my mind.
I (26F) live with my parents. I work full time and am in a masters program, so I’m pretty busy. A brief backstory: my mom (60F) is on a horrendous sleep schedule. Like she sleeps until noon or later and goes to bed at like 3 am. She has chronic health problems and she’s always been a… difficult person even before she got sick but she’s my mom and I love her. For the most part, her wack schedule doesn’t affect me. Except for one major area. Dinner.
She likes to cook dinner on Wednesdays and Saturdays. And she normally doesn’t have the food ready until super late, think 10-11 at night. It’s mainly the Saturday dinners that are a problem. My grandpa (83M) visits us on Saturdays and he has bad dementia. He’s in that gray area where he has basically no short term memory but he isn’t quite bad enough for us to receive power of attorney over him, so it’s difficult. When she makes dinner, she stays in the kitchen all night cooking so it’s always me and my dad (60M) entertaining him. But when my dad grills, which he did tonight, that job falls solely on me and there are only so many racist, sexist rants I can handle. I love my grandpa but he’s not the same person he used to be; he’s very exhausting to be around and listen to. When you combine that with working all day, like I did today, well, suffice to say I’m dead on my feet.
It’s currently after midnight and my mom didn’t have dinner ready until close to 11:30. And then she insisted on throwing some cookies in the oven. I didn’t want to wait to eat the cookies, I’m already exhausted and wanted to just go to bed, so once I finished dinner, I sat at the table while my dad and my grandpa finished before getting up and announcing I was going to sleep.
My mom was not a fan of this. When she said didn’t I want a cookie, I asked if she’d save me a few for tomorrow. Her being her (passive aggressive like you wouldn’t believe and very easy to upset) snarked “well maybe I’ll save you ONE.” When I tried to apologize and explain that I’m just really tired (got up at 7 today for work, worked all day, came home and sat with grandpa, you get it), she got really snippy with me and said she’s “also tired but don’t see her complaining” and then ended it with a super passive aggressive good night before I could try to say anything else. I didn’t want to deal with that so I just left.
AITA here? Is it so bad of me to want to go to bed? Am I being ungrateful or something? I’m appreciative that she cooks and I always thank her for the meal and I don’t complain about how late it gets but tonight, it’s just really not sitting right with me. I’ve just been stretched thin lately and feel like maybe I’m crazy and maybe it is me that’s the problem here. I really don’t know what else I could’ve done here.
I know moving out would fix this but since I work and am getting my masters, it’s just not feasible right now.
Anyways, AITA?
So I (24f) live in my family home with my sister (21f) and our parents. The town we are living in is currently going though hard times, with a lack of affordable housing/apartments being one of the main issues. I have a coworker (26m) who for the last few months had been having a rough go of things (losing his apartment, being homeless, a messy breakup, etc.) Me and a few of the girls I hang out with had been talking about it and they suggested we invite him out with us just so he knows he's not alone and to kinda cheer him up a bit. Even though I didn't really want to invite him, ( he has horrible work ethic and overall downer attitude) I figured one time won't hurt and having some fun might help him out a little. Long story short, he started hanging out with us here and there, some of our game nights being at my house, which is where he met my sister. They had met roughly a week before he asked her out and the first night she brought him home. It has now been two weeks since their first night and other than two days he has been here every night. He's here when I wake up, hes at work occasionally, when he decides to show up, and here when I come home from work. He's been showering using our shared bathroom, eating our food, and is trying to take over the care of MY dog. I feel like i cant escape him.He's at my house even when my sister's not there. I've tried to talk to my sister about him not being there all the time or giving me a couple days a week to myself but she freaks out on me saying I'm being selfish and unreasonable. My parents are no help either, my mother seems to be on my sister's side or just doesn't want to cause issues. AITA?
Basically I'm living in an apartment style dorm and I have my own room but in an apartment where some people share rooms and we have common spaces like the kitchen and living room. Now I've been having a few hookups in my single room but when one of my roommates asked me to please let her know when people would be over and to check with her, I respected it and immediately stopped hooking up. I would ask her if I could have a guest and she most of the time had no issue. Until one incident on a Saturday night when the guy I've been talking to was supposed to come over. I let her know I'd be having a guest and then she started asking what type of guest it would be and flat out saying that if it was a friend she hey can come but if not then they weren't allowed. I feel like I have been pretty understanding with her but I also do not need her permission to have a guest, it's just a courtesy. And even further I don't think she really has the right to tell me the type of guest I can have??? And then she went as far to tell me if I have the guest not to have sex with them???? If it was a noise issue I'd be more understanding but it's also a Saturday night. He goes straight into my room, I don't even let him use our restroom. She's never seen him because genuinely always in my room so he's not an issue. I'm just wondering am I supposed to not have guests over because she says so or even not have sex because she says so? Does she really have the right to even question the type of guest I have? And am I the asshole because regardless of what she tells me I’ll do as I please?