I was minding my own business and the hooman sla... staff suddenly screeched out loud "Oh my Cod! I guess I'd better not give you any more of that wet foods again you little %&#@! It looks like you sicked it all up"

(I added tag because of the vile language used)

All it was was one teensy little Hork. It was barely visible. In fact I have no idea how her pitiful eyesight even noticed it!!! It certainly wasn't her weird pink flobby nose which can barely smell any of the important smells.

So not only am I abused by screech but I am to be deprived of food until I waste away to just fur and bone! That sad excuse for sustenance she calls my biscuit bowl is always full but no cat can live on kibble alone.

Not only have I been accused of being the clo*ca but I am sentenced not by my peers, but by an inferior creature - not even a predator - to a life of dry biscuit and water.

Misty, Void Seenyur kitizen

Seven. (PRETTTY girl, magic hair, age private) Yesday mummy brings frien in ok. Frien has little wif them. Little, loud, scare seven bad ok. They go and run and look and play with my toys ok. They so loud and sticky ok. I hide and hide and Loki hide and we all just hide ok. They might be ok, but I didn't knows, should I have done stair at them. I not bite ok, but why so fast and sticky. When go, we come back out and tells Dada wtf was that. Was I cloaca for scared of Little, and not come out, but so loud and sticky ok.

Hello frens, I is Willy, sausage dog, 1.5 year old good boy. I am very friendly and I have like a thousand friends. My best friend, of course, is the hooman that lives with me. But I am always open to new friends.

Today we goed to another house with a yard and inside the yard there was not one but two dogs!!! They were really excited to see me. I was also really excited right away and we sniffed each other through the fence! And then my hooman bff opened the door and there was also another hooman! But I had to concentrate on the dogs who were real, real excited! And suddenly, when they were right next to me, they were also real tall. And kinda spooky.

Frens, I was also excited but only for a second and then I was having a bit of a fright. Luckily, my hooman bff was there and telled me to come over and I sitted next to her and she protected me from the excited dogs and I no longer needed to have a fright! But the other doggos were being a bit sad cause they couldn‘t play with me and they tried but their hooman told them no and it took me many times to go over to them again and play with them. But they was tall! And too excited! And two! While I am only one dog!

Aitc for needing extra time? Even if other dogs ended up being nice guys?

Is Astrid the Invincible once agan! I tink mite be tc todai. Momther and papther came nto rum nd let da cat frm behnd da dor nto mai rum!!! (You kept trying to escape, so I thought we might start introducing you!) Hush! Nyway, dis stranger jst cam nto rum nd start sniff mai tings!!! So did a hiss hiss! Nu cat lok sad nd papther tuk her oot of rum. Momther say itc bcaus she is mai sisfur and she live her! She even say der is on mor!!!

So aitc fur hiss hiss?

Edit from momther: to be clear, we already had Artemis and Althea. We just started introducing them, one at a time, to Astrid.

Frens, it’s Monkey (4.5M, ear helmets, household panther) again with a question. This week, Big Hooman went away for eighty billion forevers. Medium Hooman is now slandering me, saying it was only two days and that I spent those two days wandering the house, meowing and looking for Big Hooman. LIES!

Anyway, Big Hooman came back. I gave him one sniff and one head bonk, then go away. I come back to do one more head bonk and then do an ignore! Big Hooman seemed confused by this (perhaps because of slander about me), but I feel that the Big Hooman needed to learn a lesson about leaving. AITC?

Actually, it's we, because Pennycat (5-ish floofball, loves gravy) was involved too. But I (Little Cat, 15F, ginger and white cat, loves confusing humans) am writing this because according to the Female Human, I am the oldest and therefore should know better.

The Female Human has torn some muscles in her back again. She can't do much except lie flat and do gentle stretches. She can't even make coffee, because she can't bend and get milk out of the fridge, which is a terrible fate for a coffee-powered human. Basically she's helpless.

And last night there was a moth in the house. There was a moth in the house! One of those big flappy ones that makes a noise when it flies. It was a moth! It was in the house!

It was like several thousand years of domestication just dropped away. We could hear the voices of our ancestors telling us: "Get that moth!"

At first the Female Human didn't know what was going on. She just heard running, and banging, and the occasional crash. The Male Human had taken most of the furless kittens to do the supermarket shopping, so she was alone in the house, except for us. And the moth. (And Beelzebun, but he doesn't talk much.) We could hear her shouting, "What are you up to, you pair of furry cloacas!", or "Don't destroy the house, you wretched creatures!".

Then the moth flew into her room, and we barrelled after it. Female Human said we looked like a pair of berserkers, with mad staring eyes and our tails lashing around. I bounced up on the mattress, then used its springiness to parkour up the wall to try and catch it, narrowly missing her head. Female Human shrieked I was 15, and I could do myself a mischief.

After that she pulled the covers up over her head, and called the Male Human to ask how long he would be, because she was stuck in the room with a herd of rampaging wildebeest trying to annihilate a moth. (Female Human: I heard him telling the kids, "Quick! In the car! We have to rescue OP!")

A few minutes later, the Male Human arrived home and "encouraged" the moth to go outside. Civilisation returned. Female Human gave us a long lecture (still lying down) about all the ways we were cloacas. (I'm old and expensive to fix, eating moths is bad for cats, bogongs are endangered ... )

But I say, we were not cloacas. Because there was a moth in the house!

Update: There's another one! There's another moth in the house! It's in the window! Moth! Moth! MOTH!

I, Daisy, (5f, Yorkie) was existing when adult child (22nb) picked me up and carried me upstairs for DREADED BATH! They TURN SHOWER ON AND GET ME WETS! AND ADULT CHILD HAD NERVE TO TAKE ONE LOOK AT ME AND LAFF! THEY LAFF AND SAY I LOOK LIKE DROWNED RAT! THEN THEY TAKE ME OUT, DRY ME, BRUSH ME WHEN DRY, AND GIVE ME HAIRCUT WITH TEEN CHILD (16f)! I freak out and scratch adult child a few times by accident (Adult child note: She didn’t get hurt dw, she just freaked because my sister was holding scissors, we got her calm) and now I’m back in my room! AITC?

Hi, a few weeks ago I (Lily, 5f, half terrier half corgi) went to big event with my best friends (30s, M+F). I met many people and it was a little stressful for me, because everybody wanted to talk and spend time with my best friends (even though they are my best friends), while I spent most of the day with my second best friends (30s, N+A). I noticed that all day a strange suspicious man was following my best friends around and watching them closely, probably waiting for a chance to attack. He was also carrying around a big black club! He was very dangerous! So I kept very close eye on him! Then my best friends came to me and spent time with me, but dangerous man was there again, and he pointed big black club at us! So I started borking at him, so he go away! He was very scared because I am fierce, but he didn’t admit it and kept pointing big black club directly at me! Very mean! After a while he went away, but my friends said I shouldn’t bork at man. I disagree, he was dangerous and needed a good borking! What do you say?

Hi frens! Is me Joe the tabby. Big news, my fambly got new sister! Her name is Pumpkin the tuxedo princess! Will pay cat tax with picshurrs in comments. Pumpkin is my new bestie and we consp… cunspy… conspyrr… plot to wake up the spare human for treats together every mornin! Anyway… mom says I am BIG CLOACA for what I did today. Mom was eepy and I decided to snuggle her with sister Pumpkin. I may have left a little present on her pillow before I sat on her tummy. When she woke up, she smelled present. I stood up to see if she wanted to play and she SHREEKED. Joe!! You have DINGLEBERRY on booty!! Mom grabbed dingleberry off my booty. I was very unhappy she decided to remove my new aksessorie! Then she saw the rest of the dingleberry present on her pillow! Mom was not happy. She gave me NO treats and kept rubbing my PRYVATE BOOTY to check for dingleberry. How rood! I simply left mom a present. She should be grateful I graced her with a piece of my faboolos aksessorie. AITC?

Good afternoon fellow pets of non-merry Merry Cans! (Heh.)

Mommy isn’t feeling much of anything today but she is trying to talk to people so she did decide to call home to say hi to Grandma!

Grandma was happy to hear from Mommy too, but then I started barking and scratching at Grandma because she wasn’t paying attention to me! And that worked, actually, because she then told Mommy that they should Time the Phases instead!

So a few moments later Grandma was holding her rectangle in front of my face, which I didn’t understand at all until I heard Mommy’s voice! And hearing Mommy’s voice is so exciting ever since she moved out but I don’t understand how the rectangles work so I started walking around and sniffing to find Mommy since I could hear her voice but I couldn’t see her body but those things don’t go together so I had to solve the mystery, right?

Well anyway, shortly after that Grandma put the rectangle down so now there was no Mommy’s voice and no Mommy’s body. So that maked me sad and meanwhile Mommy still doesn’t feel anything so what was the point in all that?

AITC, or worse, a failure of a Penny, for not finding Mommy before she disappeared again? D:

Hello frens! Is Idril the elderly pet rat girl (32mo). I lives wif my little sisters Rosie and Celebrian (1 year younger) and Elwing and Elanor (2 years younger). We has human mom.

Well, as my sisters have mentioned, I has been very sick lately. But I is getting better. I is breathing gud and eating lots. Also, while I wuz sick, I forgotted how to walk n stuff. I is slowly remembering wif everyone's help. In meantime, mom carry me to all my favourite places. Is good.

Well, yesterday, mom put me on top level of cage in ratpile wif sisters. Is not bad place. But after few hours, want something different. Kinda want my downstairs nest, maybe a bit quieter. Mom not around, so start doing the scoot by myself. Mom arrive just as I turning corner to go down ramp and she freak out. "No Idril, you is not steady enough for ramps. You is gonna fall." She say she not know I scoot so well. I thoughts she would be proud, but she seem upset. She say she both at same time. Humans be weird.

Anyway, she pick me up, gib me supper and cuddles and put me in downstairs nest. So it all work out. Plus, she not really leave the room when I on her bed anymore. So lotsa cuddles! But I is wondering if I is TC for scare mom.

Hi frens - mama says thank you for all your thoughts over our dada passing.

Wes been taking care of her - especially now as her immune system took a whack and she has cold/cough/sore throat.

Iz Riker have taken it upon myself to sleep on mamas legs at night which she has found a great comfort. Iz not been playing too roughly with bruvr. Iz been gud boy. (mama here - I suffer with bi-polar and anxiety and pressure is one of my soothing go to's when I'm not doing to good. Hubby usually provided that, so Riker taking on that role at the moment is just what I need.)

Iz Shiro am coping better especially now mamas relatives aren't round constantly. I knows she needs thems, but both Riker and Iz likes our own space. Iz eatings ok. Iz even been a bit more affectionate with mama and going to her for strokes. Iz also not sang songs of people too early in the morning for fuds. (mama here: some mornings he's not come in until 7.30, which has helped as my sleep is all over the place.) Iz also hasn't fighted wiv nemesis cat. Iz been a gud boy.

Wes both were gud and let her puts on fleesandtix yucky stuff.

Wes been reading posts here to mama every now and then to slowly help her builds her routine backs up - shes not cope well wiv change and needs to form new routine, which wes helps her wiv. Hopefully wez be back commenting fully soons.

Wuv

Riker & Shiro

Wees quietly sneeeak into car wift Meowmmy Daddy & Aunt Nita, nobody notice!!

Wees all get im line liek everyone else & wait patiently acause wees good kittehs & want to do doody as catizens & votes!!

Tehy gives us big paper & direct to little booth look kind of liek litterbox but it not so wees no whizzz or drop stimky deuces im there.

Wees scratch out circle next to naem of candidates wees want & taek biggg paper back to table with 3 pretty ladies who verrrry niceft to us. Tehy say wees do good job exercising our rights as besft cattos.

Gives us all stickers to wear proudly on our beautiful sleek furs!!

Paws x'd our candidate wins & not gross yuck stinkman who disparage cat ladies. If not for loving cat ppl, things would be so much worsft for strays & ferals & World would be sad terrible place.

Love to everyone on this stressful night.💜💚🤍

Hi! I’m AJ (14/cat/goodboi], and my mommy feeds me on her worky desk so any roommates we has don’t steal my food. Right now she dating very nice Mr. Justin who has baby girl named Luna (4/cat/goodgurl) and Luna can be nice fren but sometimes is thief. Naughty Luna! Is young. Me AJ was bit of thiefy knucklehead when fresh whisker young man! So, mommy feeds me and does a watch make sure no thiefs, and sometimes does job at desk where push stick around make lots of colors. All sorts of blue and yellow and grey and black and light grey and light blue and light yellow and dark blue and… so many colors and she does teeny tiny color lines with stick and work very hard.

Me AJ was doing a hungry today and jumped onto desk and stood in yum spot. No food. Walks over to Mommy pushing stick into colors and go “HI MOMMY!! AJ HUNGRY!! PLEASE FEED!!” Mommy so naughty, say, “gimme a minute, baby boi. Almost done this bit.” Ok, AJ reasonable gentleman cat. One minute, mommy.

No is one minute. Mommy picks nother color and starts pushing on desk work.

Me nuzzle into her hair. “Mommy, please feed??” Mommy does an ignore.

No. Luna may be Princess of apartment right now but AJ has rights and diggity.

CHOMP stupid stick!!! Stupid colors!! Bad mommy!!

Mommy SO ANGRY because stick move. Grey EVERYWHERE!! Grey on black desk, grey on blue shirt, little bit grey on AJ white paw. Mommy MAD!!

Am I cloaca??

(Will not be cloaca because not pay taxes, though. Good tax paying AmeriCat. Tax in comments of me AJ on worky desk and new roommate Luna being very good chairwoman).

[note from Mommy in defense of calling him a cloaca: didn’t stop to get a photo, but there’s now (whether he can see it or not) red paint on way too many things and I think I’ll need a new paint by number to start fresh. Grrrrr….]

Loki (climbing Tiger! Orange, has tail!) It nice in room Loki no go, it got trees, and broom brooms and best ever birdies! Birdies can fly and sing and eat yummy oats and fings mummy and Dada gives them, Mummy says come at door cats mummy put on movie and birds come and eat them treats. Mummy open big door and says look at bird, it nice breezing in outside room.

Sometim Loki get supa cited and goes up door, climb up up up, Loki teach you. Do big jump and climb like up up and scream, scream and sing and jump down and do again.

Sometim Loki get stuck or forget way down and needs help, scream scream stuck, oh no, Loki scared, help Loki oh no!

And mummy or Dada has to reach and save Loki. Why Loki get stuck Sometim or get told Loki silly Billy. (Is silly Billy the door) Am I cloaca for scratching and screaming and stucking?

My name Frank (4)! Frank Frank good boy, momma (28) always say. Except when momma call me Franklin when she sound grumpy. Mommy sometimes say I “gollum” but don’t know what dat mean.

I always tell mommy dat I hate de outside cause Frank Frank scared of all da sun and da people and da noise. Frank Frank is indoor boi.

Today momma thought that she shut da door when she went into scary garden but she dibnt shut all da way!

Franklin suddenly decide he want an explore! Out da door he sneak when suddenly Frank Frank ‘members that outdoor bad!

Momma is calling for Frank Frank and I call back cause I hate da outside and is so scared!

She come rescue Frank Frank all da way 5 feet from the door, but she is say Franklin been bad?? Frank Frank confuse cause he don’t been bad! He end up outside all scare!

AITC when is Franklin fault I get in trouble? Momma says my gollum come out again but dats too confuse!

So me, The Bean....did a byg bad crimez. FFG is mad ats me. I was doin a nosy an accourse I is nosy an went on conter. I trew FFG fav cofe cup to da flor. She gives me dyrty looks now. Am I a bad kitty? I shuld menton tis the second one I brokeed. Aitc???

Hello frens. Heer Blaze and Bingo, we iz bof 2 and brudders.

One dark time ago meowmy did make sumfing call a rowst deener. Hav chimkins and also graby. We wanted sum but always get told "nodisforhoomans". So we sad.

Ennyways, meowmy putted the "leftover" chimkin on a playte and wuz to put in reefriddgorader to keep for nother time. But we did a mazing crime. Oh yes.

So

We did a big distract to meowmy by doing big eyes and song of people so meowmy seed we needed fuds. Meowmy putted the playte wiv chimkin on down and did good and did feeds us. But then....then...meowmy did forgets to pick playte up again.

So in the dark time we wanted to kitchen and we gotten chimkin and we had big nom nom nom. But the playte did a silly and did down fall and go SMASH and CRASH and BREAK all ober de floor.

Morning comes and big hooman telled meowmy on us and meowmy called us clackers and see "fexsakes yoo two y yoo be so greedy and meks mess for me to clean".

We finks we did good crimez, but also no clackers as meowmy silly to ferget chimkin.

Henlo Fellow Aminals,

I iz Handsome, grey tuxedo chonker.

My hooman sayz I iz borthole 'cauz I layz on bed right in the middle so she can't sit in her spot.

I sayz hole bed iz mine. No spotz for hooman unless I sayz so and I doezn't sayz so today.

Am I da cloaca??

Hello! It’s me, Bogart (Beau), anxious rescue boy (7-ish). Mine Mama gave me big lecture on walk home because I went on big, scary adventure. Worksmen has been fixin my house because big water leak. They left my fence open and big sister Betty (giberian Shepsy, renowned good girl and very brave protector), and I went to do an explore. Betty very brave and patrol the perimeter outside our fence for deer, coyotes, and other fun smells. I follow fun smells, but when I look up, Betty not there and my house was gone!!

But good news! There was a not mine house with lots of ladies in it! I paced back and forth outside their back door until they said “oh my! You is not coyote! You is a silly, lost puppy! Come inside.” They looked at my fancy jingles on my necklace and called mine Mama and Daddy to ask if they knew the house had moved and left me behind. I got good scritches and then Mama was there! With my harness and leash for walkies, yay!!!

Mama said “Beau, you silly cloaca. You not suppose to leave yard. We Was putting human puppy to bed, and you disappeared! Don’t scare Mama no more.”

I got a fun walk home with more good smells with Mama and then the house was back!! Betty gave me good sniff down when we came through the door and followed me around the rest of the night to make sure I still home. (She very good protector girl and also best friend.)

Am I really cloaca for follow smells and my house not being where I left it?

(Beau’s human Mama: contractors left the fence open and we didn’t notice in the dark. Thankfully Beau went down the backyards of our neighbors instead of up into the woods. Betty stayed in the yard and came when called. We got a call from the neighbor asking if we were missing a silly dog because he wandered up to their door and joined book club while he waited to be picked up. Scared me to death! This is not the first time our anxious rescue boy has gone walkabout, and is why we have a tracker on his collar. We read the contractors the riot act the next day!)

Lucy the Lovebug here. I came by my title from my desire to constantly be near Mama & Papa, sitting next to them, acting as their headrest on the sofa, and jumping on the table to be near them when they eat. I was adopted less than one forever ago, so I didn’t know them well and I wanted to keep my distance a bit. Then it got hot for a long time, too hot to do anything but stretch out in the shade on the catio.

Now it is cold again, but I love Mama & Papa even more. I found out they are very comfortable and warm to sit on! Is great! They give pets and scritches! I even jump up on Mama’s when she is sleeping and lie on her. Only problem is that sometimes they want to move and I have to complain.

But today Mama got up after we had been sitting for a thousand pets and, when she sat down again, she said, “That’s enough Lucy! You don’t need to be on me every moment of every day!” So I sat near her and started licking her arm, just so she knows I love her. She didn’t like that either. AITC for being a lovebug and wanting constant reassurance of affection? Also, how can I stop Mama from doing her “work” so we can cuddle more?

Ai iz Tay (aka Rose Taylor aka Po-tay-toe), tabbico 11F always bebe.

Ai don feel gud atm. Momther ground up some stuff and put it it mai fud, and it nassssty. So so do a gobble on mai sisfur Melody's fud. It also has stuff in it, but don't taste so nassssty.

Momther sez AI a cloacker cause I needs the stuffs in mai fud and sisfur needs the stuff in her fuds. But ai just sarbin cause I barfin everytin! Ai not the cloaker rite?

(Momther here: Tay Tay has been losing weight at a bit concerning speed, and is barfing up water. The nasties are anti vom meds. But I guess they taste worse the Melody's arthritis meds?)

Friend, it me, Thorben (8M, germy shepper). Good boy, Thorben! Mommy say Thorben cloaker, but Thorben think Mommy doing a confuse. Thorben only do what cat brother teach Thorben.

Thorben best friendy is cat brother Fatty Poen. Mommy call Thorben and Fatty Poen black-and-tan gang. Brother Fatty Poen teach Thorben important life lesson and way of manner.

Every night, Thorben and Fatty Poen and angery brother Misery have dinner time, and then Mommy give Thorben Kong bikkit and cat brothers licky treat or tiny cat bikkits what smell good but Mommy say not for dogs. After Kong bikkit, Thorben go out for manly wee, and then Thorben lie the couch with Mommy. But since Mommy start give cat brothers treatos, cat brothers lie in Thorben couch spot. Is not right.

Thorben love Fatty Poen very very much and listen to all good advice he give. He teach Thorben if I sees, it mes and if I fits, I sits (but maybe not when is brother Misery who arguing about mes or fits). So last night when Thorben come inside after manly wee, brother Fatty Poen lie the couch where Thorben usually lie. Thorben know the Poen did if I sees, it mes, but Thorben also know if I fits, I sits, and couch plenty big enough for Mommy, brother Poen, and Thorben.

When Thorben take cat advice, Mommy all drama like pull brother Poen out of Thorben way and say, 'My dude, you can't sit on the forking cat!' Thorben not know what forking cat is, and Thorben fits, so Thorben sits. Brother Fatty Poen look a little angery because Mommy do a grab, but then he make a billiionty circle and go back to slep. Mommy say, 'Oh my dog, you furry little cloaca, you're taking your life in your own paws here.'

Thorben no unnerstand. Why Mommy being rude about Thorben be cloaker when Thorben only do what cat brother esplain and cat brother no do an angery? Is Thorben cloaker?

Elsie belsie kit kat back with another pawful story of abuse. Meowmy had the somnia so she came to my bedroom to sleep on my couch last night. Since she was so close I decided there was no reason to save kibbles in case disaster struck, so at 3 am I told her I needed new kibbles. I started with a few hair nibbles and bap bags but had to give up because I was starVing. I pulled my weak fragile body out of bed at 7 am for a second try and meowmy said "Elsie, stop it" and "elsiedontsitonmyface" hmph. Poor service. She say there is food downstairs but dat food is only consumed post poops. AM I IN THE WRONG??

Henlo frens is me littol Spook AKA Soot Sprite (2f, mebbe ragdoll but no one no). Dada is sicks again (mama is sicks too but she had not got better from last sicks so is not really 'agains') so I is try help. Best fren in whole wide world (even if she not no it yet) Snowflake (18f bootful void lov so much) is much clever Mebcine cat, mainly for mama but somtimez dada too, so I decidez to lern some mebcine cat to help dada til he better

Frens, is hard werks. Snowflake (🩵) says must watch when dada go water room for guard. She say best mebcine cat step is warm sit on lap an purr purr. I is Much good at purr purr an biscuits, but is hard to stay one place for long. I be patient in day timez to watch dada an make sure he safes, not hiding under blankies for naps so much, but at night I still zoom zoom.

Mama says I be acty worried an sweet cuz lovs him, an is tru, but that I still clacka for wakey dada at nights when he sicks. An bes fren Snowflake not want to play much an do extra hiss hiss bap cuz she ang-zye-ty about dada an mama so I tinks she also not tinks I good mebcine cat. But I only jus lern!! Is not clacka right?

It's Shiro here

My dada has left us forever.

Shiro and Rikers Mama:

My husband unexpectedly passed away. Shiro always favoured him. I've noticed a slight change in Shiro's behaviour. He seems unsettled. Does anyone have some ideas on how to help him? Are there any signs I should look out for?

I'm Tinker. I am Orange, but smart, I am a man cat without the bits, I have a best friend who is Spencer and I was adopted by my sister after the big sad. I also live with Indy who has social anxiety, Cooper who is lovely but has medical problems and sore teeth, and Seven who I assume you are aware of (she's not as rough and tough as she makes out to be) and dear little Loki, who as the saying goes, Orange does as Orange does.

My problem you see, I don't go outside, I can't hunt expect my toys that my sister packs away each night or places in the house for us to find, but friends, the other day a moth made its way into my house.

I will admit I went 'little bit Cray crayfish' with excitement and the need to protect.

It was amusing to my sister and the one that feeds me to watch me run and wiggle and pounce.

So why was it a problem for me to leap 72 feet from the floor onto the television to catch this deadly moth.

Suddenly it's not funny or dare I say cute, but now I'm a naughty boy and arked towards.

I'll let you know I caught that moth, I didn't share it. It was delicious.

Was I the cloaca for touching that television that hangs on the wall, or for not sharing the damn moth, who knows what danger that moth could have caused?

Hi, I Sadie ESA. Iz my mom's Emotional Support Animal and good girlie. Last night was Hallow-eeen. I not sure what that is, since Mom hasn't made a fuss about it in the five years I've lived with her. Last night, it rained. Mom had turned off the front lights although I saw lots of funny dressed kids in the street, and I do big bork, bork at them. Mom watched too and told me that it was important that I let her know they were there. Apparently, it was something called Trick or Treat. I like treats and get lots of them. This Trick or Treat went from 6-8 at night.

At 7:30, when it was dark, Mom and I decided to go for a walk. She turneded on the front porch lights. We put on our raincoats, matching red ones, I put on my collar and leash and Mom opened the door. Here's where it got exciting. There were crazy dressed kids, who didn't smell familiar, coming up the sidewalk just as the door opened. I borked, borked and growled, growled. They screamed and ran and Mom pulled me back inside and closed the door. Was I a cloaca for scaring them?

(Mom here, someone yelled "bitch" in our direction and I thought, well, yes. I hadn't seen them in the dark, I didn't unleash Sadie on them. It was just really bad timing. But yes, she's all black and when she's being protective, well...)

tax in comments

As the title see, am I the cloaca for eat yummy thungs? I didn’t no all the rest of the adventure come after but I would do it again.

Buckle up, this is a long one.

Hello frens! It is I, Molly Olly (5F, black mutt). My mamas went to The Boring Place yesterday and den hous also felt like boring place so I make fun by open the trash box (a couple weeks ago I chew a handle on the lid to make it easier to open nex time I want fun. I’m so clever hehe. Mamas putt somefing heavy on it but they forget sumtims!). I gotted out some rapperz. But that was just so mamas ignor the REAL PRIZE which was a loof of mold bread!! They just lef it on the counter and I took it!!! I loved it so much I took it all the way upstairs to my be Droom to enjoy!!! I ate that bread up, it was so yummy and extra flavors becaus of the molds. Mamas didn’t take the rapper when they got home and only see it at bedtime!!! Mamas say “oh, Molly” and google if moldy bread can hurt doggos—how can it hurt if it taste so guuuuud???? Mama say it can be leaf-ful but I love playing in leafs in the yard so that must be why I love moldy bread too.

But after my mamas were sound asnoring (we do not snore, Molly, but you do), my tummy started to hurt. It hurt a lot like the time I ate an entire bag of granols. I start to dig in my bed to find a place to put my snack in case I wanted it later when my tummy less ouchy. Mama heard me and got up and tol me “I was sound asleep” because I guess it was eleben-durty at night or sumfing.

Mama took me outside in the freezing and I did three poops in a row! Mama not impresssed wif so many poops. I guess one of them wasn’t up to my normal concis-consish- my normal firmness.

Then I ran to the backyard and I did two horkhorks. Big horkhorks. Huge horkhorks. Funny color. Lots of chunks. Yummy horkhorks. I try eat them back up but mama say “Molly that’s what made you sick in the first place, you cloaca!” I don’t no what she mean. Maybe she just mean I can eat it later.

I ready go back to sleep and I drink a lot of water first because my mouf feel funny, must be the night air.

At for-turty my tummy feel funny again. I ran downstairs to the door. Mama wake up from sound snoring and come clomnping down and let me outside. I whine just in case she not unnerstand I need to go NOW. She had to put furs on, it so silly to have so many different furs for different things. My sleep furs is the sam as my outside furs.

I pee because I drink so much water and then I ran out to the sidewalk and I did more pee but this time it come out my butt. My mama call this diorama but I not know what that means. It feels like pee from butt.

Before I go bed I ran to the backyard for check on my horkhorks from befour and they had froze some and looked sooooo nummy, even nummier than before, but mama just sed “Molly!!!” and made me go bak inside. I will try again next time I go outside and report back if I am sucksessfull.

Anyway, dis morning mamas extra tire for some reason. I was starbing and a little sleepy, prolly cauz I was out late tricker treating with my hooman frens who are pups.

Tee-ell-dee-are I ate moldy bread and woke mama up twice during the deepest night to horkhorks and have pee from my butt and make mamas have anks-eye-eh-tees because bread can be leaf-full.

Frens, AITC for yummy mold bread eat and cawse my mamas lots of scare and join me on my nighttime adventure?

Lady Puckleton (15F, tuxedo) demands a post script: I am so upset the Beast didn’t off her dumb self. She was out of her jail all night so I didn’t get any human cuddles-not that I admit to wanting any. She is definitely TC in every situation and my humans are TC ever since they brought Beast into our life. I hork all the time INSIDE and on my humans clothes and books all over the floor and I never get this much attention. The Beast is too dumb to keep herself alive and I won't stand it for much longer. I need to figure out how to run around horking outside since that seems to upset the humans more than the piles I leave them inside.

Henlo, frens! Is Alexis, 5 year old pitsbull and Kajsa, 3 year old Saints Bernard again. Today is one of worstest days of the year! Is stoopid Howl-oween! We's has monsters comings to our house and tries to steals and eats our pawrents ALL NIGHT! Stoopid mama has funny dress on and gives the monster treatsies!And mama says she forgots our "howl-oween costumes" this year. Goods! We hates howl-oween costumes! Daddy says Howl-oween is his favoritest holiday. Maybe Daddy sads 'cause we hates howl-oween? So frens, AWTC for hates howl-oween? We has to stops all the monsters from getting our pawrents, and we don'ts even gets treatsies!