Currently in my 3rd year of college. I failed an exam during my first semester of college and my third semester but I retook the exam and cleared it. I want to pursue my master’s at Columbia University. Do you think I have a chance of getting accepted?

I'm a 16 year old boy in my Junior Year of High School. My family always defend my 21 year old Sister that is in College everytime me and her get into an argument. They always compare me to my Narcissistic Sociopathic Father that doesn't live with us. I can't stand being called a Crazy Abuser all the time just because I get angry.

Yesterday, January 31st at Nighttime, I was taking out the garbage since it's my responsibility to do so as my chore in our Apartment. My Mother who works as a Correctional Police Officer Left us Both Separete Pizza Hut Boxes for Dinner one for her, one for me to warm up since she was going to be working until she got off in the morning like usual. Once I finished eating. I was going to ask my Older Sister that still lives with us if she was done eating her Pizza so that I could take out all the garbage, it not then it's fine if she wants to take out her own Pizza box herself. She got an Attitude saying that she doesn't want me to throw out her food.

I tried to reassure her saying that I'm not trying to throw out her food. I was tired and Irritated from School plus her Rude and Disrespectful Behavior really missed me off so that's when The Heated Argument begin. During the Argument. She calls my Grandparents, accusing me of Verbal Abuse when she as the one trying to Verbally Abuse me. I told her in my state of Anger that she needs to stop this childish nonsense and grow up. My Grandparents on the Phone try to tell me to calm down but I didn't. My Older Sister ran away to her room like a Baby closing the door since she can't have her way with me. My Grandparents tell me that I'm out of control and that I need professional help. Me being Intelligent and Observant saw this Gaslighting and I didn't fall for it.

Afterwards I went to my Room to study for my Physics Test on Monday, then I took a shower and went to bed. Last night I heard a loud bang in the house coming from the Bathroom. So I got up and went into the bathroom seeing a small dent in the Bathroom Wall above the towel rack. I was confused and figured that my Older Sister did this to make me seem like I has Anger Issues. In the morning when I got up and told my mom about the Situation with The Small Dent in The Bathroom when she was making Breakfast for me, she though that I did it, saying that I have Uncontrollable Anger. I told her that it wasn't me, but she didn't care and she told me to get dressed and that I can't be in her Apartment causing problems. Trying to not make the Situation worse than it already is I ate Breakfast and got dressed. My mom said that she isn't paying for the damage and that she is gonna take my birthday money out of my Bank Account to pay for it. My Mom dropped me off at my Grandparents house for Today since she was gonna get her, my Older Sister, and my grandmother's hair done and braided by my other Family Member.

Now currently I'm in The house with just me and my Grandfather thinking about all of this. I'm just exhausted mentally from these constant arguments between me and my Older Sister that happen every week all becauseof her. I can't tolerate this Manipulation by my Family always making me seem like the bad guy every single time, saying that I should change as a person. Now I'm just waiting to see what else could possibly happen next.

well, yeah, it's been a while since i've been feeling like this: anxious, scared, suffocated. last year was pretty tough for me, and it definitely took a toll on me. 24 was like one of those prime years where i should've acted a little more responsibly, but it just didn't happen. i don't know how to really start with this, but yeah, i'm trying. i had this girl in my life that i've been dating for the last 3 years. honestly, it felt so natural, so pure, but it just breaks me into a million pieces how things are now. back in june last year, my grandmother went on complete bed rest due to cancer. well, it wasn't like i was really attached to her anyway, but the changes that her condition brought to my family were just pathetic. sometimes, it's understandable, but then sometimes, it just felt so weird to be in this position. her condition definitely needed a lot of attention, and my parents were there for it, which was completely understandable. but the consequence was that i had to sometimes do my parents' work too. i never complained about it; i just accepted that maybe this was the time where even small contributions like these would help my parents a lot. but yeah, i guess this definitely affected the things between the girl i've been dating for 3 years. i never told my parents about her, though i guess my mother had some idea about it, but i never said anything straight to her. but i guess when everything ended between us, it happened because of me. my parents' workload and then my own internship thing got me so involved that i was not able to spare even 5 minutes for her in a week. i never told her about this, because she was settling in a new city, and i didn't want her to get affected by this. so i just hid everything from her. i've never regretted anything more than that. i wish i could just go back in time and turn everything right. i wish i could just listen to her voice again. i met her during my college farewell after 3 months. looking at her face, not looking at me anymore, gave me the worst feeling i've ever experienced. i told her about all the things that went wrong during that time, but i guess it was too late for that. all my life, i've never relied emotionally on anyone except my mother, but the only time i trusted someone, i messed it up and messed up my ability to stay emotionally stable. i wish i could just see her, walk around with her, talking about literally the most random stuff, because this was the type of comfort that i've lost 6 months ago.

there is this one song that just keeps ringing in my head:
"someday i'll get it" by alek olsen

it goes like

"i think of you all the time,
now that you've gone.
i've been doing all kind of drugs,
to get you out of my mind.

'cause i noticed you dont like me anymore,
and it breaks my heart.
so i'll just drift away,
and disappear for a while"

-r

I am so tired all the time. I work a normal 5 days a week 40 hours. I’m fortunate enough to work only one job and be able to provide along with my wife’s job. But traffic turns my 8 hours into almost 10 hours a day. When I get home, my pregnant wife will be laying in the couch relaxing, watching tv.

The nursery that I am building (wife decides what to do, I execute) feels unfinished.

I have an entire shower remodel that’s halfway done because the plumber needs to rework some stuff for me to continue. This remodel wasn’t even planned, it was just needed based on HOA fixing stuff and it was cheaper to remodel than to fix, surprisingly.

We have a nazi adjacent president and I just got all our documents in order and got our passports renewed in case everything goes to crap.

And after all that, I have to listen to my wife say she’s stressed about a baby shower that I’ve done all the work to get the venue and have permits and security as well as a maternity photo shoot that I have also done all the communication for to get permissions and quotes.

I am so tired. And last night, in bed, my wife says that I am not affectionate enough and that I don’t kiss her or hug her or tell her she’s pretty. I just stayed silent and I couldn’t give her a reason. I’m handy and always have energy but I feel like I’m breaking down. I want to call her selfish, I want to say she’s downplaying our current administration, I want to say I somewhat resent her but none of it feels worth the fight.

I just met a friend that's a guy. And I wanna know if he likes, me and want people to tell me. If it sounds like my guy friend likes me, I have autism, and I can't tell if guys are just being nice, or if they like me like that sometimes. And I don't wanna ask him to offend him, he snaps me a lot. Wants to... keep hanging out with me. We snap every single day, and he always sends me pics of his face in the morning when he says good morning. We tells me he likes talking to me, he said he sees me as a friend but idk if he's just saying that because. He knows I have a boyfriend. I'm just trying to find friends, because it's hard for me to make friends because I'm autistic. He tells me that I deserve better, because my boyfriend hurts my feelings a lot. And puts me down a lot, he bought me a cookie once when I was sad, he told me that l'm his type and he's really nice to me. But if he just sees me as a friend, does he mean that? He uses emojis a lot

I think I'm ruining my freshman year in college because of trauma with my high school boyfriend breaking up with me. I see everyone else here having fun and it makes me jealous.

Our relationship wasn't really good at all in retrospect, but I feel some kind of desire to unblock him even though before this he was the one who made me feel depressed in the first place

I am 26M. Saw a similar post about a guy who was 32 and in a similar but worse situation, and r\seduction doesn't like me, so here I am.

I started in October when I turned 26(M). I was a virgin at the time, but I've paid for it since. Didn't have much interest in dating before, my sex drive was nonexistent due to extreme depression and PTSD that had already last 6 years. So if you're wondering why I waited so long to start, that's why.

The woman (Macy) was a coworker and I flirted with her. I know it's a bad idea and I learned. I got reported and I didn't even ask Macy out or ask for her number or anything. Hell, I even took a road trip and I returned to learn she had reported me to HR while I was gone. HR lady said she didn't see anything I did that was so bad and completely let it slide. A month later, Macy moves to Canada (I'm in America btw). There's no way Macy wasn't already planning to move by the time she reported me, nobody can choose to move to a new country in one month, so I'm wondering why she reported me if she wasn't even gonna see any of us ever again.

After that, I did manage to get one cute woman's number at a local gym, but I already knew her for a year so I don't know if that counts. She's only 20 and she ghosted me too, but she didn't report me so there's that. She's younger than the coworker who reported me, which makes me further wonder if Macy really did have issues.

My confidence has plummeted, and being sexually inexperienced at 26 doesn't help. I'm not even gonna start again until I finish undergrad in two years. So I need all the help I can get.

I don't feel joyous anymore. Everything is tiring and maybe this is my sign to die. I know if I fail I'll be fucked and I can't afford to fail. I can't afford to stay here aswell and planning my death is comforting , like tending to a garden of flowers. My friends think I'm doing better and my parents don't care enough . Just need to get my tools and medication .

My boyfirend and I, have been together for about 5 months now, but we started to "date" into the relationship about 2 months.

Around September 2024, we started to form a relationship, intially it was a hook up relationship but it eventually morphed into a relationship. I knew his ex and him were speaking, lets call her Emma. They would speak on a consistent basis and he did disclose to me that they were very close friends before igniting it into a relationsip. They were friends for about a year and a half before it morphed into a romantic relationship. I believe they remained a couple for about an additional 2 years and then they broke up. I asked why they broke up and his response was not because fell out of love but because her family does not like him or respect him.

He did mention that he has residual feelings for her and so does she. The extent to her feelings spand so much that during December 2024, she visited his home (he was not there nor was I) but she was accompanied by his sister (Emma and his sister are close friends). Emma proceeds to not only take a shower (since she had to go somewhere and recieved permission from him to do so) but she baked a bread (in which permission was not granted because he did not know she was making him a bread).

In retrospect, he told me around december 2024 that before we started to become close, he would have spoken to Emma about things that wouldve bothered him and just his thoughts. For instance, he would express his inner most thoughts that his children (his two sons) have forsaken him or that he still grieves his mother's death (he would have maintained an emotionally close relationship to her). Now that bothers me and I told him about it. To my understanding it has since stopped.

Let me make this clear, I have NO issue with him speaking or even communicating with her but this is what I have an issue with. Today, we were doing some errands and his phone is connected to his vehicle (therefore he can asnwer calls while driving). I saw someone trying to call repeatedly, and I asked him if he doesnt want to call back the person. The person called again and I again. In which he revealed that was Emma who was calling (only her number was visible not her name). I asked him why he didn't answer and he responded that HE DIDN'T FEEL COMFORTABLE TO SPEAK TO HER WHILIST I WAS HERE. i ASKED WHY AND THIS IS WHERE THE RESPONSE GOT INTERESTING. HE SAID THAT SOMETIMES THE CONVERSATION GOES FROM POLITE TO TOXIC AND WHEN HE IS ASKED WHAT IS HE DOING, SHE WOULD REMIND HIM THAT THEY WOULD DO THESE THINGS TOGETHER.

It definitely bothered me and it still does. I don't know if i should be bother by it. I am not bothered if they are having an affair. I am just bother by the situation. DEFINITELY PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF THAT HE FEELS UNCOMFORTABLE. MAYBE I AM JUST AN ASSHOLE

When I returned home from grocery shopping, I noticed the front door had been left open again. I didn’t think much of it besides the usual “Alright, my neighbors are too stupid to close doors again." and "I guess I’ll have to text my landlord for the 50th time about this.” I didn’t stress out upon seeing this because I live in a relatively calm and safe environment without any criminal activity and nothing much happens here usually.

So I walked up the stairs with my headphones in, looking down to watch my steps, vibing to my music. As I turned the corner, I looked up and was LITERALLY SO STARTLED (I think I even screamed a little, lol) by a half-naked man I had never seen before, just standing there in the hallway.

At first, I thought he was a craftsman or something because the main entrance had been left open so I figured maybe he was repairing something in one of my neighbors’ apartments, which would have made sense because I had been hearing noises like that over the last few days, and, you know because he was LITERALLY SHIRTLESS?

But as soon as he saw me, he started talking to me in English (which is not the national language here), rambling on about that he just needed a shirt to return to his house and to the train station (?) and wanted to talk to someone who could help him out. He wasn’t aggressive or anything, just seemed a little stressed. But I was so shocked by the situation that I just stood there frozen like “uhhhh” for about 30 seconds until I was finally able to speak again. I told him, “Okay, wait here,” went to grab him a shirt, and gave it to him.

He said thanks and left the building (I think). In hindsight, I probably should have walked him out to make sure he actually left and maybe told him that he couldn’t just walk into a building he doesn’t live in—because others might not have treated him as nicely. But I was so perplexed I didn’t know what to do.

It was also so strange because he had a jacket wrapped around his hips but wasn’t wearing it? Why? I don’t know! Mind you, it’s winter, and it gets quite cold where I live at this time of year—I think it was around 5°C.

I ended up calling the local police station to let them know about the situation. I kind of felt bad because I’m pretty sure he really just needed a shirt, but at the same time, I also felt unsafe—because there was literally a stranger in the building who had clearly entered without permission.

I’m also very angry at my neighbors and my landlord because I’ve pointed out multiple times that someone keeps leaving the door open and that this could lead to very dangerous situations. I think I can consider myself very lucky that nothing bad has happened yet and that this man didn’t do anything other than ask for a shirt.

So I come to a point in life where I think about getting bottom surgery, NOW HERES THE CRAZY THING so I’m a Male and I Identify as one pronouns are He/Him/ they/them right but I feel like I’ll be 10x more comfortable with my body with a Vagina instead of a Dick down there. Sort of like a Transman but the only thing Is I was born a biological male I just want a vagina 🤷🏾‍♂️

I (M mid-30s) have been married for 8 years and we have three small kids. two in daycare and one is in elementary school.  Right now this time of life is a lot and would be for any couple, intellectually I get that.   It just feels like relationally, it's way more on me than is appropriate or fair.  I don't really get many breaks, and I feel completely burnt out.  

When it comes to just getting the house stuff done our "chore split" is supposed to be I do laundry, she handles food planning & shopping, and we both clean and cook.  I think it’s Important to note, my spouse works three days a week (and they are long days) and those days vary from week to week and might include weekends, whereas I work five days a week Monday through Friday.  Her working three days a week is new, she used to work just two days a week.  In practice.  On days she works she does nothing with the kids because she leaves before they wake up and returns after I’ve put them to bed.  When she comes home from work, she comes home to a clean house, an empty sink and clean kitchen counters. 

Before I leave, in the morning, I start my day emptying the dishwasher, and loading it with any dishes that may have accumulated after dinner last night.  I also have to get the kids up, pack their school bags and get them breakfast.  If my spouse is working that day, she will have left the house before the kids wake up.  If she’s NOT working, she sleeps in. 

On days when she works, I’m dropping the kids off before work, and picking them up after work.    If she’s not working, I’ll drop the older two kids off before work (she usually drops the youngest later in the day so we can let our youngest sleep longer), and she’ll usually pick them up.  When I get home and she’s picked up the kids, I’m arriving to chaos.  The kids' bags are not emptied, their dirty lunch containers have not been put in the dishwasher, homework is not checked, and the kitchen is generally full of dishes accumulated throughout the day while she’s been home alone.  What she DOES do the majority of the time is make dinner for the kids and us to eat. After the kids and us are fed, she’ll usually sit on the couch scrolling on her phone while I clear the table and clean up the meal, run and load the dishwasher, clean anything else in the kitchen and wipe down the countertops.  Then I’ll help my oldest with his homework if it’s not complete or check it.  He also needs to practice reading everyday.  My spouse MIGHT help him practice his reading while I’m still cleaning up the kitchen, but that’s usually me too.  

Cleaning the rest of the house is a challenge because we have a ton of clutter, usually I work with the kids to clean up their toy clutter so that I can vacuum.  I’d say I’m running the vacuum about every other day and I steam mop our floors once a month or so.  My spouse does vacuum every now and then, especially if our kids have thrown a visible mess on the floor from food or a craft, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen her steam mop/scrub the floors.   

I’m doing laundry almost every day - which feels like a normal amount of laundry given we have young kids.  I switch the laundry to the dryer and carefully hang things that need to air dry.  When clothes are done, I sort them into different bins by child and supervise the older two putting their laundry away.  I promptly fold and put away my own laundry.  What’s silly to me, is that I sort my wife’s laundry into a basket for her to fold and put away, and she just lets it sit and accumulate for days and days, sometimes weeks without putting it away.  I used to fold her laundry for her and put it in a basket neatly so that she could put it away in her drawers, but she wouldn't put it away and would just let it accumulate.  Eventually needing something in the basket, she would dump it all out, get what she needed, and jumble it all back into the basket.  I found this so disrespectful towards my efforts that I don’t fold it for her anymore, seeing this as a waste of effort.  The icing on this laundry cake: she leaves her laundry on the floor.  I know that’s stereotypically the man leaving his socks on the floor instead of in the hamper, but not for us. No, for us, the husband is the one constantly chasing down socks underwear and pajamas left on the bedroom or bathroom floor

Regarding food, she does do more on days when she doesn’t work.  But she doesn’t really plan ahead, so on days when she’s working I’m usually scrambling to figure out what to feed the kids. I have to plan ahead to make sure there’s something to eat when I’m bringing the kids home right after work. It’s too much for me to take three kids to the grocery store.  

When it comes to financial contributions, again I do more, almost everything actually.  She pays for her own car, and her own health insurance, and she does cover the kids health insurance through her work (we found it’s cheaper for her to get it through her work than it is for me to get it through mine).  I pay for any house or associated expenses.  Utilities - me, HOA dues - me, house repairs or improvements - me.  She doesn’t contribute to rent or mortgage because the house is mine and I paid it off before we were married. I pay for groceries, I pay for daycare, I pay for vacations. Our oldest, who is in school, is in private school, and you guessed it, I pay for that too.  Years ago she used to contribute a little more.  She paid ⅓ of childcare expenses before we had our third.  When she took time off work when we had our third child, she said she couldn’t afford to contribute anymore so I took on the full burden.  But she’s been back at work for over a year, but hasn’t returned to contributing to the kids daycare or schooling (BTW private schooling for the oldest was her idea).

Amidst all this, I’m not feeling very amorous towards my wife.  She says I don’t compliment her enough or be flirty or get her little gifts to show I’m thinking of her.  She says she wants to feel spoiled by me.  She says I make her feel like a burden.  It’s tough for me to navigate these conversations, because I don't want to say anything hurtful, but she DOES feel like a burden to me. I do TRY to compliment or thank her when I see something good (like if she has made dinner), but it’s really hard for me to see what she’s done that is good.   So in addition to all I do around the house, I’m regularly told I’m failing as a husband because I don't make her feel happy (which she thinks is my role as a husband).  

She does do things for our kids.  She usually coordinates if the school or daycare needs an extra check for something or if the kids take in something for a special event like snacks to share.  She also schedules the kids' doctor appointments, and usually takes them.   I try to appreciate what she does, but I feel so burnt out myself, and I’m so envious of the days she has at home when she doesnt work and the kids are at school and daycare.  I can’t imagine what it’s like to have that much time away from work and kids.  While she does do stuff in a “Mother” role, I really can’t tell you anything that she does for me as a wife with the only exceptions being to make me dinner a few times a week.  It’s not enough and I feel neglected. 

When I bring up these things, she gets defensive and says I make her feel like a burden.  I don't know how to address this without her getting upset and angry.  I imagine she feels like a burden because she IS a burden and deep down really knows she’s not doing her fair share, but doesn’t know how to change.  

I’m beginning to feel like I need to start resigning to a mindset like I’m a single parent because counting on her and being constantly let down isn’t a disappointment I can continue to live with. 

If I ask a question or for advice somewhere there are so many condescending ass responses. Its insufferable. Like why you answering with the obvious, just dont even interact if you aint got actual help

I’ve (26F) always known I didn’t want kids. From a young age, even when adults asked me how many kids I wanted, my answer was always none. I didn’t even know what "childfree" meant, but I always was. As I got older, I realized what it was. I just didn’t feel that unconditional love that’s supposed to come with having children. Could I love a child? What if…? I can't be a mother because I don't know what that kind of love feels like. That’s how I’ve spent my whole life.

Then I met my fiance (34M) two years ago he was my first everything, and I finally experienced romantic love. But when it came to kids, I still knew I couldn’t do it from the beginning, I told him that having kids was off the table he said he was fine with that because he never really liked kids, so it wasn’t a problem for him. Five months ago, he proposed, and I said yes. We moved in together, and everything was perfect. We were planning our wedding slowly, no rush. That was until his sister had a baby two months ago my fiance instantly fell in love with his nephew and was there every step of the way. He bathed him, changed him, napped with him it seemed normal, I guess so I didn’t mind.

Three weeks ago, we went to his sister’s house for lunch. My fiancé was mowing her lawn when she asked me to watch the baby for a couple of minutes. I tried to refuse, but she looked so down that I agreed. I thought she would just put him in his stroller or something, but she plopped him into my arms and went upstairs. I panicked, I had never held such a small baby before, and I was terrified I might drop him. Five minutes in, he started crying. At first, it was fine, but then he started screaming at the top of his lungs how can such a tiny baby be so loud? I was almost in tears myself, I stood up as gently as I could and went outside where my fiancé was I yelled at him to come grab the baby from me he came over, TOOK A PICTURE OF ME HOLDING THE BABY and instead of taking him from me, he started giving me tips on how to calm him down. He pushed the baby closer to my chest and said, “He really suits you.” I was on the verge of a panic attack, my hands trembling I was even more scared to drop him, I yelled, IF YOU DON’T GRAB HIM, I’M PUTTING HIM ON THE FLOOR. He got angry, called me a bitch, and grabbed the baby. I couldn’t handle it anymore, so I took an Uber home.

He came home around midnight, showered, and went to sleep on the couch. The next morning, he was already gone when I woke up, and he didn’t come home until 3 am I told him we needed to talk, but he just said, Tomorrow and went back to the couch. The next day, when I came home from work, he was waiting for me. We sat down, and he apologized for how he reacted, saying he didn’t know what got into him. I asked the question I already knew the answer to.

Me: Do you want to have kids now?

Him: I don’t know. I just love him so much, you know?

Me: Well, that’s normal, isn’t it?

Him: I guess. But do you really feel that against having kids? You don’t even have to get pregnant or give birth we can adopt.

(I talked about how scary pregnancy and childbirth were for me, especially because of how hard it was for my mom. She almost died giving birth to me due to complications, and she had to have an emergency hysterectomy)

Me: That’s not the only reason, and you know that, you know how I feel about not knowing if I could love a kid unconditionally

Him: I know, but you learned to love me, right? You can love a child too. Listen, we don’t have to agree on this now. We can get married first, and then revisit it. Please don’t shut it down immediately

Then he started to cry and hugged me, so I dropped it. But deep down, I knew I couldn’t be a mom. I know myself, and honestly, I felt betrayed by him. I thought I’d eventually start resenting him, but I hoped we could get past this. Then he started doing some strange things. He changed his wallpaper to the picture of me holding the baby, he started calling me “mama.”????, he wanted to start having unprotected sex, and he even began touching my belly when he thought I was asleep

(I have fertility issues that I’ve never treated because what was the point? My period is irregular, but mostly painfree, so I never bothered to do anything about it)

But when he suggested I go to the doctor to see “what’s going on with that" I panicked. It felt like he was trying to get me pregnant, and abortion is still illegal in the country we’re living in. So I left I told him my mom fell in the shower and broke her leg (a lie), and I wanted to stay with her for a couple of days to make sure she was okay he said that was fine, and I waited for him to go to work.

Then I grabbed important documents, some clothes, sentimental things, my dog, and I left. I don’t know if what I did was right. I’m starting to doubt myself. Maybe he just wanted me to be healthy. Maybe he was just cuddling me or liked that picture. But I can’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. He hasn’t realized that I left to never coming back. He just questioned why I took the dog, jokingly.

I didn’t tell anyone; I just told my mom I missed her. Maybe I should go back and pretend everything’s okay, but something about him feels off now and just don't know anymore. I'm sorry if this is all over the place and extremely long, I just can't talk to anyone about this and is eating me alive, I probably left some things out of context so sorry about that too.

I don’t do it anymore, i hardly even think abt it and I haven’t wanted to do it in over a year but in 10th grade I used to cut myself. I’m in 12th grade now and all the scars are gone but for some reason I keep wondering if I should tell my mom about what I did. We’re really really close and this morning she got up as I was getting ready and said “when I get up in the mornings and everything seems so bleak and dull, I look at you and realize I’ve put good in the world”. And I’ve been thinking abt what she said and thinking whether or not I should ever tell her. On one hand, I don’t want to go my entire life without telling her about something like this, I don’t want her to die with things unsaid.

but on the other hand, telling her this would acc kill her. She loves me more than anything and knowing this would destroy her. And me being in pain and not being able to tell her?? I don’t know if she would ever get over that. I also really don’t want her to look at me differently, she wouldn’t see this as a shameful thing but she would be so so sad.

I just don’t know, I’m in a way better place than I was in 10th grade and I know I’ll never do it again but I just don’t know if I should ever tell her, I feel like telling her would only be bad for everyone, she would be devastated to know this. But keeping it from her forever feels wrong for some reason. Pls give advice thx

I got enrolled in the university almost 2 month after university started, it is just how it works in Italian universities, they love to procrastinate. I am majoring in CS, I realized it is really gonna be hard to catch up cuz I am studying CS.

I barely manage to catch up with introduction to CS classes but I feel I am still not good at it. I skipped classes to catch up another. At the end, I couldn't catch up any of my classes this semester and I am not taking any exams cuz I am not ready. Also, I am not a guy who is really into math but CS requires lot of math.

Also, I have been studying about ADHD almost a year, learning symptoms in adulthood and childhood. I realized I have symptoms of it now and I had it in my childhood too. I cannot find english-speaking psychiatrist to diagnose cuz I'm international student and my Italian is not good enough. Found out university cannot help with it.

I am also looking for job which is really hard to find here.

I am seriously considering to change my major after all.

Thanks for reading. I really needed to share so that I can feel better.

I (23f) felt like absolute trash yesterday and still do today. I went to take my passport photos, and I just… I hated them. They ruined my entire mood, and now I feel even more insecure than usual. I’ve always struggled with my weight, not in an extreme way, but I’ve never been too thin either. Whenever I was thin, it wasn’t because I was healthy—it was because I had an eating disorder (anorexia and bulimia). And I don’t want to go down that rabbit hole again. And I think yesterday just amplified every insecurity I already had.

What hurts the most is that my boyfriend, Calvin (24m) can’t pick me up. He’s tried before, and I could tell he was struggling. I don’t blame Calvin because he’s not a huge guy, and it’s not his fault—but it really stings. It’s a reminder that I need to lose weight, and while I already knew that, seeing my passport photos yesterday made me feel even worse. I canceled me and Calvin’s ice skating plans because I just couldn’t bring myself to go out feeling the way I did. I even rescheduled my passport appointment because I want to retake the photos when I lose some weight, especially in my face area. I know logically that I should just get it done now, but my emotions are getting the better of me.

I completely lost my appetite. I didn’t eat for the rest of the day. And I know that’s not healthy, but the insecurity is weighing on me so much. But at the same time, I feel so unattractive around Calvin. I can’t help but wonder how his friends and family see me, or if he secretly wishes I was skinnier. I know he loves me, but my mind spirals into this fear that if I don’t lose weight, he might leave me for someone else.

I’ve tried not to let insecurities eat away at me. I’ve worked on building my confidence over the years. But I used to secretly compare myself to my friends, and even to Calvin’s sisters (18f & 20f), who are very petite and beautiful. I even stopped taking dance classes at my dance studio because I kept comparing myself to the girls there who are absolutely gorgeous. That, and I just didn’t feel confident looking in the mirrors anymore. I just don’t want to feel like this anymore. The only good thing that’s come out of this is that I feel more motivated than ever to go to the gym and actually work on myself. But I wish a stupid passport photo didn’t have this much power over me.

I know I shouldn’t be feeling like this, nor crying on the internet over this but I just needed to get this off my chest. Has anyone else ever felt like this? How did you deal with it?

Well. Basically what the title says. It's my birthday and I don't feel any excitement or happiness. I've accomplished nothing in my life and all I've done is watch the people around me have a drive and love of life that I've never had and am afraid I never will. I don't know if it's because of childhood trauma or personality or brain chemistry but I just don't seem capable of doing anything other than waste my life away. I've never had a real job. Never really had a real relationship. I've lost the friends closest to me from depression and emotional issues and the only people I felt really understood me and made me happy have moved on with their lives. I just feel very directionless and like I'm just waiting for the next horrible thing to happen (my parents dying, etc). I have people in my life that seem to think I have value (that I'm funny or caring etc.) but I just never feel that way and never seem to be able to act in ways that would benefit me or improve my life. It feels like I'm just going to get older and older and never be able to enjoy life or live fully. Idk why I'm typing this even. I guess I don't have anyone I could say this to. I just wish I had whatever everyone else seems to have that keeps them motivated and happy and looking forward to things. It seems like instead of having bad moments and sad periods but mostly just picking myself up and moving on that I have the opposite - mostly loneliness and melancholy with fleeting moments of feeling okay in between. All I do all day is sleep and distract myself with my phone. I know it isn't good for me but I just don't bave any drive to do anything else. I just feel like a failure. Or well more accurately i /am/ a failure. I just wish things felt easier. It really baffles me that people just seem to have an inherent motivation to /do/ things. Even small things like wanting to watch shows or play video games or make dinner... I just have no drive to do anything at all. It's like the symptoms of depression but it's been this way all the time nearly, my entire life. I just don't understand what other people have inside that I don't. Anyway. I guess that's all. I don't expect anybody to read this and even if anyone does I don't think even advice or kind words would help me in the long run, so I guess I'm just venting and getting it out of my system. I hope one day things are better for me but considering it's never happened in almost 30 years I don't have much faith.

I grew up with a mother who was mentally unstable. She often threatened and attempted suicide and my father, siblings and I would have to pull her off the window ledge every time. She’d go on her knees and beg my father to kill her whenever they fought. She’d throw hangers at him. She’d threaten to leave the family and sometimes walk out on us. She’d threaten to crash the car and then actually start driving recklessly while my siblings and I gripped our seats for our dear lives. There’s probably more but you get the gist. I understand she had her issues, but as a child, I constantly felt like I was in a state of flight or fight, always nervous and always feeling this “claustrophobic” panicky feeling around my family, especially because of my mother.

Those anxiety issues eventually developed into real mental health problems and I hate to say this but I also picked up similar behaviours from her, just not as intense. I have been in therapy since I was 13, and I’m 21 now.

My relationship with my mother has improved as she got mentally better over the years. However, in recent years, especially during fights whereby she would accuse me of certain things, I tried bringing up how the past has impacted me. But she would always invalidate me - saying that what I experienced was “normal”, and that other families have it worse because she and my dad aren’t divorced after all. She would say that my siblings aren’t affected and that it’s just me. She also told me it is my fault I’m not close to my siblings, though I have no clue where this came from. If the fight gets too much, she would usually start going hysterical, screaming, pulling her hair and calling herself a terrible mum which seems like her trying to guilt trip me but at this point I really don’t know.

I moved abroad for uni last year and decided to stop being so resentful of her and my past because I wanted to change some old behaviours and mindsets I had. With that move and other factors, I truly became a less negative person, but every time I come home and we encounter such fights, I feel so disappointed - like this is a wound that will never fully close. I understand I’m not the perfect daughter and as I grow older I also realise that I have to be a better person for myself whether or not this trauma exists, but at the same time I am just so disappointed that my rs with her will never be fully ok. Idk what to do or think. I want to be a better daughter too but the things she says to me just hurts.

I’ve lost 50lbs since October… which is great because I’m at my skinniest and I’m actually looking so hot I feel like I’m trippin every time I look in the mirror… but now I have this issue where I really like feeling hungry. My stomach growls and hurts for a little bit and I just get off on it man like I’ll start watching food videos just to make it feel worse 💀 but it’s in a good way I swear. I feel so empty and clearheaded. I don’t think it’s healthy to eat every 2-3 days but I seriously like doing it like that idk 💀 this all started because I didn’t have money for food one week and found out it ain’t that bad

Alot have been on my mind recently so this isnt gonna be structured or well punctuated went through a very rough breakup a week or 3 agk we were together 5 months but I wanted an exit after 2 really I felt like my feelings didnt matter every time I tried looking for emotional support all she would do is blame herself and make it about herself she tried to control me for every little thing i did stalking me on every social media criticising every game I played show i watched movie i saw fighting if I went out with my guy friends when i tried to talk she will make it that she is the worst so I had to stop while I just wanted to have a normal fucking conversation I tried to break things up after 2 months but she tried to threat suicide so i stayed after 5 i couldnt take it anymore I felt my every move was being watched one wrong foot and i will set up a bomb one wrong thing watched one wrong thing said so I did it i broke it off right before I knew I was gonna move I did it over text then I blocked her she tried to threat me again but I truly cut her off she cyber stalked me spamming my accounts with friend requests and follow requests I deleted all my social media and made new ones including reddit I still fear she might find them or me so new insta doesnt even have a pfp luckily i have a decently common name

But after all said is done honestly I cant help but regret all I did I never thought I will find someone who loves me and she loved me like no one else ever did she truly wanted me now I feel like I made a huge mistake I dont think I will be with someone ever again I am ugly and pathetic and good for nothing most of the time its just funny how when I was with her I couldnt wait to be alone again and now that i am I cant help but know I am never gonna be loved again I know she wasn't good for me at all but i cant help but feel regretful now

im a fucking good for nothing piece of crap. Im gonna fail my a-levels. i genuinely think i am (Yr12, 17F) . I cant do any of them. i picked the wrong ones. but is any of them the right one? im doing art, psychology, and sociology. i can do well in the lessons but when it comes to tests? personal study? i fail miserably. Tbh idek know how i passed my GCSE‘s. im thick. i have no motivation to do anything and when i go and try catch up at home i cant even start because i get beyond stressed. i literally cant focus. i cant do it. im stupid. i had a 30 marker come back, i got 8 out of 30. i did a psychology essay, i only wrote 3 sentences. i laugh about it at school and just blow it off, act like im okay with it, but im not. I fucking relapsed after my sociology essay, did it on my arm which im careful to avoid but ive given up. i dont care anymore.

i was even thinking abt paying someone to beat me up, idek. I was hoping that if i was on the brink of dying i would appreciate living. but i want to kms, im thinking it each day now, the consequences of it happening. who will i upset? whos lives would i ruin? how many people will i affect? and if im selfish enough to end how i feel at the expense of everyone else. I imagine my friend alone at school, my parents, siblings, teachers, even extended family, a random person in my year who only knows my name. is my life disappearing worth affecting theirs? im thinking of how serious my emotions are, how hard im struggling, how selfish i want to be. im even thinking what i would write in the letter to apologise, how i would do it, the quickest and least painful, how hard its to clean up. im thinking all of that, and i hate it. i hate how im having those thoughts. i know its wrong, sick, awful, and makes me a terrible person. Im even tempted to make everyone hate me, become a disappointment to my parents and make my friends resent me, just so if i end up doing it they wont miss me as much.

Thing thats worse? i dont know how to ask for help. im terrified. When i was younger i misinterpreted how i felt, i assumed the worse and said things which i didnt mean, i claimed i wanted to die. i didnt know what that meant, and i didnt mean it. but i said those things and those words were real to my parents. I got yelled at for scaring them, told i was wrong, told i was selfish, and i sobbed so much my heart stung, my lungs ached, i couldn’t even breath calmly. And because of my foolishness then i cant share how i feel now because of the fear of that repeating. It was 6 years ago and i haven’t got over it. (i swear to god if people comment that its my parents fault. please don’t, because its not. they were scared to lose their daughter)

This awful situation i got myself into ive been struggling for about 10 months i think. But everything i felt has been building up, starting off small and unnoticeable, But now its very noticeable. To myself anyway. I cant take it any more. i cant.

even writing this i feel like its for attention, that im making it sound worse than it is. But i beg, im not even explaining all of it, this is serious. im not karma farming. im not attention seeking. i really really need help because i dont want to get to the point where im 100% considering suicide. i dont know what to do.

When I was 11 or 12, my grandma (Linda Sue Warner) wrote a book and published it with my name as the author. She began selling it, and for years, I went along with it (I'm 26 now) until I estranged myself from her in 2023. I know it’s not a valid excuse, but I was scared of the backlash from her if I told people the truth. I had called her out on it once before, and it turned into a one-sided argument. I’m tired of living with this lie, and it’s weighing on me.

If anyone has heard of the book "Comes in Sight" by George S. Briscoe III (I've since legally changed my name), I want to make it clear: I did not write it! My grandma did! I'm finally ready to tell the truth!

Hello! i kinda need opinions on if I should talk to my parents about this or just leave it on the back burner because I sound crazy lol Also for context she had a full weekends paid for trip when she went down to Disney for her birthday in september

I ( 17F) Just had my birthday in January, the 21st to be exact. My Boyfriend, who we will call I (20 M) just had his on the 19th. For our combined christmas- birthday gift I had decided to plan us a trip to disney. In October my parents had offered to pay for the hotel room if they came too. About a month after they said they would pay for the hotel, they invited my sister, who we will call S (21 F) which I do not get along with. I had expressed why I was upset, considering they just invited someone onto mine and I’s birthday trip. My dad was very understanding, but my mom used the excuse “well we are paying for the hotel room”. But why would you offer to pay for the hotel room if you are just going to use it against me? But kindly enough they offered to pay for our birthday dinners.

Christmas Rolls around and S plans an 800 dollar gift for my parents, at disney, for them to get a spa,dinner, and some extras. Its split around 140 between all of our siblings. I let her know she will get the money for it late, but she will for sure have it by March. ( Im in college and high-school and can only work weekends)

Early January my brother gets super sick, and my parents cant come on the trip. They say I have to pay for all of my meals, but thankfully they still paid for our hotel room. Right before we leave for Disney, my parent give me 100 dollars for my birthday money. S is still coming, but she has “no money”. While we are down there I found out that while I was paying for ALL of my meals, hers were getting paid for by my parents. and it wasn’t “just meals” she went drinking around at different hotels, at the pool lounge, and the restaurants she ate at, along wit h wine bottles in the fridge. alcohol is super expensive as is,Disney alcohol is 10x more expensive. When I found out and asked my parents they paid for one of me and I’s meals, funny enough the only one we had with S, so hers was paid for too. And when we were going home, I found out she also bought clothes with their card.

Now after all of this happened, I don’t want to pay her back the 140$ for my parent’s gift. I know I said I would,so I will, but my parents christmas gift basically went to her anyways with how much she bought. More than anything I want to talk it over with my parents, because I really do feel like it was unfair, I just kinda want an apology for how they blatantly gave her so much more. Should I even bring it up, or let it be?

I tried to kill myself almost a year ago, I did actually attempt it but I lied on why I suddenly changed my mind in the middle of it.

I told everyone I was just stupid and thought a few pills was gonna be enough. I feel a tiny bit insulted that they believed that, but eh it's a serious thing I would believe it too.

The real story is this, I wrote the note and grabbed my meds. I will admit I was actually stupid and thought one bottle was enough but when I started to take them I forgot how bad it is to swallow these pills dry. I kid you not, the whole reason I stopped trying to kill myself was because drinking from the bathroom sink was gross to me and I just gave up.

I will never tell anybody this, it is embarrassing to admit I gave up over bathroom sink water and like not anything sweet like my cat or my family would miss me.

Je (23 ans) viens de déménager dans un nouvel appartement, dans la même région où je vis depuis que je me suis barré de chez mes parents à 16 ans. A 16 ans j'ai habité seul directement mais j'étais en dépression sévère et au bout de 2-3 ans j'ai adopté un chat et déménagé dans une colocation, mais depuis quelques années cette situation me pesait. Je me sentais coincé, j'ai beaucoup d'angoisses liées au fait d'habiter avec des gens et d'être responsable d'un animal, et j'ai donc décidé de mettre mon chat chez un ami en attendant de trouver une solution à plus long terme pour lui et je me suis dit que la meilleure solution pour moi était de redéménager dans un appartement seul, pour avoir mon espace. J'habite donc à nouveau seul depuis 3 jours et c'est quelque chose que je voulais depuis longtemps, mais c'est également très compliqué.

Globalement en 2024 j'ai vécu beaucoup de choses très dures. Au printemps ça allait, j'ai même décidé d'arrêter le suivi que j'avais depuis 4 ans avec ma psychologue parce que je n'en avais plus besoin, et puis à partir de la fin de l'été tout a été très vite, j'ai eu une rupture amoureuse, plusieurs ruptures amicales, je me suis rendu compte que mes colocataires étaient dangereux donc j'ai fui chez un ami, ensuite ma relation avec lui n'allait plus donc j'ai été habiter chez un autre ami jusqu'à mon déménagement, j'ai en ce moment une remontée de traumas d'agressions sexuelles, et j'ai traversé aussi une grosse période de questionnements en rapport avec mon genre. Je suis autiste (et probablement TDAH), l'instabilité est particulièrement angoissante pour moi. Et donc pendant ces derniers mois j'étais vraiment très stressé et quasi constamment en dissociation pour arriver à gérer tout ça et continuer à travailler et à fonctionner à peu près normalement, tout en étant tout le temps avec des gens donc sans vraiment d'espace pour process tout ça.

Et maintenant je me retrouve donc seul dans ce nouvel appartement, qui est petit, cher, sans ascenseur et avec des toilettes sur le palier, et je me demande si c'était la bonne décision. Je me retrouve à devoir process plusieurs mois de galères et c'est très dur à gérer. J'ai constamment une boule au ventre qui m'empêche de manger normalement parce qu'après j'ai juste envie de vomir, et comme je mange peu je me sens très faible, j'ai du mal à quitter mon lit, je ne sais pas si j'ai trop chaud ou trop froid, je fais de l'hypersalivation, et je pleure tous les jours (après avoir été incapable de pleurer pendant longtemps ça fait très bizarre). Et puis je fais le bilan de ma vie et je me pose beaucoup de questions. Je me demande si j'ai pris les bonnes décisions. Autour de moi il y a beaucoup de changements aussi, beaucoup de mes amis déménagent dans d'autres villes et ça me rend extrêmement triste, et aussi je me demande si c'est pas ça que je devrais faire, parce que j'ai l'impression que tout le monde avance dans sa vie sauf moi, moi je suis toujours bloqué là parce que c'est la ville que je connais le plus, mais j'ai peur de faire ce choix par défaut et que ça m'empêche de profiter de la vie et découvrir des nouvelles choses. J'ai peur de rester seul et de retomber en dépression comme je l'ai été durant la majorité de ma vie et je sais à quel point c'est dur d'en sortir. J'aimerais juste que la vie soit simple et qu'on puisse faire plein de trucs sans avoir peur des conséquences financières et matérielles. J'ai l'impression que peu importe ce que je fais dans ma vie je ne suis jamais satisfait et j'ai toujours ce besoin de fuir et j'aimerais bien arrêter ça mais je ne sais pas comment.

Je suis épuisé de la vie et je crois que j'ai juste envie de me reposer comme font les autres quand ils reviennent chez leurs parents, mais je ne peux pas retourner chez mes parents, je n'ai pratiquement plus de contact avec eux depuis des années et j'aimerais ne plus jamais les revoir. Je suis en manque de réconfort. Je crois que c'est normal quand on déménage d'avoir tout ça dans sa tête, mais j'ai beaucoup déménagé et toutes les fois d'avant c'était vraiment moins violent.

Aussi, en 2024 j'ai découvert beaucoup de choses, j'ai fait mon premier trip de LSD et c'était vraiment super, j'ai obtenu un travail plutôt bien payé, j'ai rencontré des nouveaux amis avec qui j'ai tissé des liens forts, et j'ai peur de perdre tout ça parce que les amis que j'ai rencontrés partent, et que j'ai peur de quitter mon travail sur un coup de tête parce que le rythme m'épuise. Je ne sais pas quoi faire de moi.

En plus de ça, un des amis que j'ai rencontrés l'année dernière fait son déménagement la semaine prochaine et j'aimerais bien discuter avec lui de notre relation avant qu'il parte mais je ne sais pas si je vais pouvoir parce qu'il n'est pas très disponible et ça me stresse beaucoup. C'est quelqu'un que j'apprécie beaucoup mais avec qui j'entretiens une relation un peu ambigue, et j'aimerais bien éclaircir ça avec lui. Quand on s'est rencontrés, j'ai direct ressenti de l'attirance pour lui, que je n'expliquais pas parce que je suis une butch lesbienne et que lui se présente comme un homme trans bi. Depuis, on est devenus assez proches et il m'a confié qu'il n'était pas si binaire que ça donc c'est moins bizarre moi mais ça m'a quand même pas mal mindfuck, et je suis passé par plusieurs phases mais sans jamais lui en parler, parce que je me disais que j'allais juste laisser les choses se faire s'il y avait quelque chose, et que sinon ce n'était pas grave parce que j'aimais bien notre relation, on se ressemble sur beaucoup de choses et notamment des trucs très précis, et ça me fait me sentir moins seul. Et puis récemment je m'étais dit qu'en fait il n'y avait rien et que juste on était très proches et que c'était très bien, mais c'est lui le dernier ami chez qui j'ai habité avant d'avoir mon appartement, et pendant que j'habitais chez lui j'ai eu à nouveau cette impression qu'il y avait de la tension sexuelle entre nous, on se rapprochait de plus en plus, mais du coup je n'osais rien faire ni rien dire parce que je ne voulais pas risquer de compliquer ma situation de logement déjà précaire. Et je sais que je ne me trompe jamais sur ça, quand je sens une tension c'est qu'il y en a une, mais je sais aussi que c'est quelqu'un qui est souvent flou dans sa tête sur ce qu'il ressent. Je sais qu'il faut que je lui en parle pour en avoir le coeur net, mais j'ai peur de sa réaction et qu'il comprenne que ça fait plusieurs mois que je ressentais ça sans lui en parler. J'ai peur aussi de perdre contact avec lui car il déménage loin et que les billets de train sont chers, on a prévu que je vienne le voir pendant mes prochaines vacances mais j'ai peur que si je lui avoue mon attirance ça le mette mal à l'aise et qu'on prenne encore plus de distance que prévu.

Depuis que je suis arrivé dans mon appartement, je me réveille en pensant à lui de manière irrationnelle, parce que j'ai rêvé de lui, et je pense au fait qu'il va déménager bientôt et à tous les trucs qu'on pourra plus faire ensemble et ça me rend très triste, je me sens abandonné.

I’m 27M, and I’m a gym teacher. I recently started work at a very small (read: less than 30 staff, less than 80 kids) private school specialized for children with disabilities. So far it has been really cool, and I love working with these kids. Pay ain’t great, but it’s rewarding to feel like I’m being a positive influence and making an impact on these kids’ lives.

However, I’m the only guy that works there. In the entire building, all of my coworkers are women. I don’t have a problem with working for a woman boss or with female coworkers at all, and I don’t have a problem with having purely platonic female friends.

Problem is, it feels like the whole place is a girls’ club sometimes, and even though I try to go out of my way to be outgoing and friendly, and make friends with my coworkers, I kind of always wind up getting socially pushed aside. I try not to be overbearing and invite myself where I’m not wanted, but idk, I feel like I’m not wanted in general around some of my coworkers at all.

My direct supervisor and admin have all been professional and polite and courteous, I don’t have any complaints about them making me feel unwelcome. I don’t even think I can say anything to (our one and only person) HR admin. Even if I could, I’m not the type of person who would go “whine to mommy and daddy because the other kids won’t let me play” to HR. I’d rather solve the problem myself without admin intervention.

I have friends outside of work, (even female friends from college and church and stuff) it’s not like I’m some kind of social pariah, and I have a really nice relationship with my girlfriend, so it’s not like I’m starved of female attention. I have a good relationship with my mother and with my aunts and girl cousins also, so it’s not like I don’t respect women or am some kind of raging misogynist or whatever.

But it would be nice to have some work friends too. Work is always better with buds, even if you maintain a healthy professional detachment.

Idk, I just want to not eat lunch alone every day , and do well socially in the place I spend more than half of my waking hours haha.

(Reddit mobile won’t let me add this to the first paragraph but I’ve been at the school since August of 2024, this is my second semester here)

For my whole life, i’ve been a bit of a strange and lonely kid and i never minded up until now. I’m not completely a loner, but no one is very close to me and i’m afraid it’s all my fault.

For some context, ever since kindergarten i was a bit of an outsider. I had very few “friends” and was pretty shy, especially because I happened to move around a lot. At some point, i made my first ever best friend. We weren’t exactly perfect for eachother and had pretty different personalities, but we made it work since our circumstances were so similar and kids are kids. Also, way back in elementary school, i started hitting myself and getting suicidal thoughts. I had no idea what sh even was at that point, i thought i invented it.

She was practically the only friend i had. When we got to late middle school, we made a small friend group with a few other girls, but the truth is i was starting to develop an underlying hatred and jealousy towards all of them. I never actually did anything to express those ideas, but in the back of my mind i knew something was wrong: either with me or with them. They also never did anything explicitly wrong towards me, but i coul feel this veil of envy and snark cover all of us ever since the beginning of our friendship.

At one point during this, everybody started liking or talking to boys, and i found myself in a predicament (which i won’t go into much detail upon) that i got over by rejecting every guy that wanted to date me. So in the end, my dating life also isn’t any good. Along with this, my mental health started deteriorating and i began an exhausting and unhealthy cycle of self harm, a cycle that i soon realised i started way earlier in life.

A few days ago, i got a text from my ‘best friend’ saying that she wasn’t pleased with somethings that i did, that our friendship probably wouldn’t last much longer and that she couldn’t explain through text. We talked in a civilised manner, and decided we would sort it out when we saw eachother again, maybe try to talk through it, but the truth was i was devastated. Besides the fact that i didn’t exactly perfectly “click” with her and i had my bouts of jealousy, we have been best friends for quite a while and i still love her dearly. I have no idea what i did wrong, and i’m not saying this to defend myself, i mean it genuinely. I also found out she had never considered me her best friend, unlike i did. I have never been anyone’s best friend. I wanted to resent her, but i simply cannot. I’m just sad and heartbroken. I relapsed last night from 3 months of being clean. Not to mention, i never told anyone about my sh.

Also, this girl I talk to and secretly like just got a girlfriend, so yeah. I’m happy for her so it doesn’t even matter anymore in the grand scheme of things.

I’m scared that something deep inside of me is wrong, that i am truly unlovable. Out of all of the people i have met in life, i had never felt like one person truly knew me and stayed. I have never had a significant other, never had a best friend, and the friends that i have, either are pretty distant or aren’t actually my friends. Despite being surrounded by people, i am alone. My biggest fears are becoming true: that i’ll end up mad and alone.