I broke up with her last year we were together nearly one year. But basically lived together, due to some circumstances, since basically the first month being official. And about that time I met her male cat. A monster of a cat. Weighted more than 10kg but wasn't fat but just stupidly big. Just 2 or 3 years old. At the beginning he wasn't so fond of me as he was abused by her ex.

But as I loved him I think he came to like me (or at least I hope. He never gave me reason that he disliked me). And I just loved him with all my heart. Although he was this big and could probably kill with these huge claws and fangs of his he was so "gentle" when playing. Sometimes not but he knew I could handle that.

At the beginning he wouldn't even want to be in a room with me but later he would just sit next to me on the couch, looked up at me in my eyes, waited for me to raise my arm so he could flopp in my arm and cuddle. Just like a human. It was soo f*cking cute. I have so many videos. Especially from the first few time he would do it (had to record evidence). When i now look at them it just heartbreaking. I cried more, when I packed my things, to leave him behind than I was hugging my ex for a last goodbye. And don't get me wrong at that time we both still had feelings for each other but we had different plans for the future. But leaving him behind was the hardest I have ever done. I miss him. And as hard as it sounds because I know how much my ex gf loves him... I want him back more than anything else.

But not her!!

I would love to post a pick of him so you all can see how cute he is... But I fear that anyone I know finds my acc then

Welcome to my chest pain lol! So I am M31 and I write this before going to work to blow some steam off, but that also is a decision I made long time ago.

Long story short I am considered good looking and still my character looks like is my strongest part as I am likable and people in general treat me very good. Same with dating, but to an extend. The last 3 years I broke my comfort zone after dealing with a massive but health break up, and figured out I can date incredibly beautiful and cool women. But noone prepared me of how pointless it is to build a connection with anyone. Is it trauma? Is it high/low self esteem? Is it just the wrong place at the wrong time?

I always make clear I am not into open relationships or F+. Most of these women don't mind and we move on. But actually establishing a connection feels impossible. Yes, cool af dates, lots of great convos and so many things in common (or so many different things that become a reason for endless discussions), then intimate nights and mornings. But then when things start to feel serious, what a man expects? A good morning message, or a sweet text or sth during a hard day or time. Instead what I get is more distance and frustration.

I have discussed this and seems like the majority of times is not my way of handling things. Most of the times feels like sth goes on with the girl, that I rarely get to know and the nice things just fade. No fights, no bitterness nothing. Just radio silence. Fear of commitment? Maybe. Not able to show emotion and establish bond? Maybe. All I know is I am feeling so lost. My life goes pretty good and I really think I will focus on stepping up. I prefer to bleed for a break-up after a strong affair but also with a bitter smile for all the good times , rather than feeling chained to the same loop that still has so many faces its impossible to find the characteristics that define a problematic personality in terms of commitment.

Thanks for listening, always protect yourself so you can be good for others!

Earlier this year, I lost my virginity. I’m 24 so it’s definitely felt like a long time coming. When I started to realise how easy it is to find people to fuck I was doing it once, twice up to three times a day. I think I burned myself out though because last couple days I’ve just been utterly repulsed by the idea of sex and I can’t even get hard. Think I need to ease up.

So he and my dead was going to the local ikea, not so far away but shitty to reach without a car. Asked them if they could bring me something. They both don't live together and so I haven't heard something on the same day. I later was called him (broher) at the next day and asked if they got everything. He told me yea and that my dad payed for it. My problem with this is, I gave my brother 50€ bucks and I actually knew that It wasn't costs 50 more like 40 or Something. So I asked him, what's with the rest of my money. He told me only at this moment that he actually didn't pay for it (with my money) but it was our dad and instead of telling me, he wanted to keep the 50 bucks. I was so pissed. Instead of just doing the right thing, he started to argure with me and told me stuff like, I told him to keep the "change". When I said this, I meant like the 6-7 bucks that might be still available from the 50. He didn't even told me on first place, only when I asked about the rest.

Tl:dr asked my brother to buy me something, payed nothing for it himself and wanted to keep my money.

My boyfriend (18 M) and I (19F) had been close friends for 7 years before we started dating 6 months ago. We have a history too as we have had lingering feelings for each other years but I turned him down several times as i didnt think we would be compatible, but he persisted and i ended up giving him a chance and it has worked out great so far and we both truly love each other. I know it might seem too early to state that, but after walking around our feelings for years, this feels like its it.

We are both from a 3rd world country, where most of our peers who go to a private school like us, go abroad for university. However, my family has not been that financially well off since my dad passed away in 2016 and I think my chances of going for uni abroad are quite slim, unless there's a miracle and I get a huge scholarship and am able to arrange for the rest of the fees.

I am a good student and I have the grades, but practically have no ECA's due to the school I went to not offering any. My boyfriend on the other hand, is a US citizen and is going to be going for university there this year. On top of that, his parents are applying for immigration there so theres a chance they might move permanently.

We've had a talk about this and he has expressed how he would like for me to go to the US for uni as well and while I will try to get there, honestly I feel like there's very little hope for that. This wouldn't be much of a problem for me because I feel like I would be able to handle long distance pretty well but he has told me it would be really hard for him even though he loves me and that he would "try for atleast a year". He also says that chances are that might not be able to visit our country even every year because his family would rather visit him there. We've talked about me going there to visit him once a year but that would cost me saving pretty much 80% of my salary every month for a year to be able to do that. And even if I did, I'm not sure if us meeting once a year would be enough for him to be able to long distance.

It's eating me up everyday thinking about how uncertain the future is and although i know I should focus on what I have right now and think of what will happen in the future when it comes, it's so painful to think about having to separate from him because of such reasons. All of this seems be because of things i can't control and I hate feeling like it will all go to waste.

A few months ago, I met a girl. At first, we were just part of the same community. However, when we started writing to each other, we realized that we shared some interests. For example, we both loved Minecraft. It may sound absurd, but through Minecraft we started to connect more. We played a lot together. And when we weren't playing, we talked for hours. I knew she had a boyfriend. But that didn't bother me. I didn't see her as a romantic interest but as a friend. I learned a lot from her. For example, that she doesn't have the best relationship with her family. Out of respect for their privacy, I won't tell you about it here, but everything that happened led to her being severely depressed. But her boyfriend somehow kept her going.

However, at some point while I was at work, I received a message from her that would change everything. She asked me if I would be interested if she ceased to exist from one second to the next. I was initially confused and asked her what had happened. She said that it was all too much for her and that she didn't even know if she was really awake. All the alarm bells went off for me immediately and I wrote to her that she should wait until I had finished work. Then we would go on a Discord call. She just replied that she would “stay a little longer for me”. That night, she told me that her boyfriend had committed suicide. He had previously announced this to her in chat messages. She now wanted to end her life as well, because they had apparently made some kind of pact that if “one went down, the other would follow”. That night, I talked to her about this situation throughout.

I had the next day off and so we spent the whole night and the following day talking. I distracted her as best I could and was there for her. We watched YouTube videos, played Minecraft and talked the whole time. In the evening, after about 22 hours, I was finally able to convince her to get on with her life. I told her to go to bed and that I would stay up for a few more hours so that if she woke up and had a panic attack, she would have someone to talk to immediately. However, it was not just one suicide attempt. She texted me two more times within the following weeks that she would end her life. I prevented every attempt by talking to her. My own mental health suffered extremely. I tried to get her to go to therapy, but she refused and at some point I couldn't do it anymore.

I was under constant stress because I was always afraid that when I woke up in the morning, she wouldn't be there anymore. I talked to my mom, who also had experience with depression, and a good friend. Both advised me to cut off contact with her to protect myself. If she won't accept professional help, I can't help her. They said I can't save everyone because I'm not a superhero, I'm just an ordinary person. They said I can't save her from herself and I've already done more than I had to. At some point, when she sent me another suicidal message, I texted her that if she valued our friendship, if the time we had spent together meant anything to her, then she would do me a favor as a friend and go into therapy.

Again she refused and I told her that I couldn't do it anymore and that I was feeling increasingly bad myself. I have to take care of myself now. She understood and we broke off contact, but left open a back door to get back in touch sometime when we were both feeling better. That night, I felt terrible and selfish because all I could think about was leaving a person alone who needed my help. My mother kept reassuring me that I didn't do anything wrong. I am currently in therapy but still feel guilty. I know she is still alive because she is still chatting in the community. But if she harms herself, I could never forgive myself.

I am not going to name the subreddit, but I made a post which I would say did not break the rules as it was civil and asked a fair question and all 44 people who messaged in that was civil. Been in this subreddit for years and would say been overall positive and never had any warnings of being banned before.

Today I woke up to find out not only my post was deleted, but I been permanently banned from that subreddit with no reason.

I contacted the mod and basically stated the following: "I was not sure why I was banned. I was not looking to cause trouble and would like to know why I was banned and if there is any chance for an appeal" I also said sorry if I had unintentionally broken a sub category of a rule and would understand if I could get an expansion of what rule I apparently broke. The only thing I thought I MAY have been banned for was mentioning the term "nice guy" and "bad guy" in my post, as I was inquiring if being a gentleman was still appreciated in dating or is it viewed as more cringy these days. Again, not mocking or bad mouthing "nice guys" just an honest question.

The Mod came back with a dismissive comment "You did not get banned for saying the word "nice guy" like come on"

Again, totally ignored my request to explain why I been banned and if there is an appeal so again I decided to state: "Okay, but as said in my post above, I am honestly unaware of what part was classed as rule breaking? And If I have broken the rules, it was by mistake and would like to ask if I can appeal? As my post was not a post to stir drama and I have no offences on this subreddit. I think its fair to ask why and so far you have not actually explained the answer"

So you know what the mod did?

"You have been temporarily muted" - LIKE WTF?

So a mod can ban whoever they want, give shitty dismissive Reponses and then just mute you when you ask them to clarify WHY they have banned you. Like if the reason is valued they could ATLEAST state it.

The power hungry People in position of power on here is really a bummer.

Do you think the mod was being power hungry?

Am I going to wake up with a horse's head in my bed if I send this to the press secretary? Clearly, I'm the political enemy:

Dear Karoline,

I hope this message finds you well. I want to share some thoughts regarding your new professional role and the impact of your words and actions.

It's important to reflect on the reasons behind our professional achievements and the responsibilities that come with them. Your position carries significant influence, and with that comes the need for clear, honest communication. I encourage you to consider the power of your words and how they can shape public perception and policy. More importantly, I sincerely hope you consider that the power of your words can mean the difference between life and death.

As someone who values integrity and ethical behavior, I believe it's crucial to align our actions with our principles. This alignment not only strengthens our credibility but also fosters trust and respect among those we serve.

Additionally, you’re quite purposeful about stepping up to that podium while wearing a cross.  We both understand that the One who suffered on the cross would never support the dehumanization that your administration continues to normalize.  As a Catholic, you know it’s wrong, yet you willingly participate. Please reconsider. Pray to your God for guidance. I truly hope He changes your heart. 

I urge you to approach your role with a commitment to fairness and objectivity. Your choice of words can have profound effects, and it's essential to use them wisely to promote understanding and positive change.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you will reflect on these points and continue to strive for excellence in your important role.

Best regards,

This month has been utter fucking garbage for me (18F)

1. Boyfriend of 1.5 years and I broke up
2. Tried talking to another guy for a few weeks and he turned out to be an asshole
3. Lost my favorite earrings with extremely personal sentimental value
4. One of my friends did something that hurt me
5. Just started the new semester and it’s so academically challenging I have no clue how I’m gonna do it
6. Little daily inconveniences that are annoying as fuck on their own, but are starting to pile up
7. Chloe Lukasiak from dance moms is mad at me (we got into an instagram DM argument?? how did I get myself in that situation lmao)

But all in all the absolute worst thing is that my mom has been having medical issues for 6+ months now. Without going into detail it has to do with her stage 4 endometriosis and an infection in her colon. My family is small. It’s just her, my dad and I. I have no siblings. I’m extremely close to my grandparents and cousins but my mom and dad are my entire world.

As I type this she’s in emergency surgery. I’ve been crying all day and I feel so gutted. This month has already been terrible but I feel like my life is on the cusp of being over. If I lose my mom I lose my life. I lose myself. I can’t survive without her.

And on top of all of this my best friend in the entire world hasn’t said one word about it.

He’s seen all of my private stories of me ranting. All of them. Earlier this week, I sent him a copy of my blog post (i run a wordpress blog where I talk about some deep stuff) and wanted his opinion on it before posting. I asked him to read it and he said “of course.” He never texted me back. I ended up just posting it 3 hours later, and I texted him that I posted it. He was still looking at my stories where I talked about the blog post, my close friends story on instagram talking about whatever…

And then I texted him, telling him I wish he had answered. He started apologizing frantically and said he was on the phone with his other friend. I apologized for getting upset, which he never answered. Now it’s been 3 days and he should be well aware of what’s going on with my Mom, and he hasn’t said one word about it.

Am i being dramatic? He isn’t an acquaintance that I talk to once a year, he’s my BEST FRIEND. He has been there for me through the thick and thin of absolutely everything and he hasn’t said a word to me about this. I’m just so confused and more angry than anything.

I’m a lot more upset about my Moms situation, but my best friend not even asking me if I’m okay after the worst 48 hours of my life combined with this being the worst month of my life is taking a toll on me. I feel so crazy. I have never hated myself, my life or the entire world more. It’s like I’ve been dealt a shitty hand.

I know I could message him first, but whenever something happens we’ve always messaged each other about it. I helped him with his attempted suicide. He helps me when I’m having break downs at 3 am. We live 9+ hours apart. I’m so hurt over just everything.

I'm a 20 year old male living in a South-Asian country.

I belong to an upper-middle class background that's to an extent, considered to be the cream of the crop of my society/ country.

My mother's a doctor, father an engineer, I have two older siblings, both significantly older than me (the youngest one is more than a decade older). Since the year 2021, my life has been going significantly downhill. I completed my O-Levels with proper grades in 2020, and then started my A-Levels in '21 (A-Levels are considered to be similar to the last year of your high school in the U.S).

My sister's an extremely accomplished professor at an Ivy League uni, and my brother too has managed to settle here in the U.S after graduating. I've been surrounded, almost engulfed, my entire life by these ever-increasing expectations and standards that I should meet and fulfill. I've grown up in a bubble for nearly all of it, and it's always about constantly keeping up appearances, and pleasing people, and working hard to acheive targets and goals that I have slowly and gradually lost motivation and burned out whilst doing.

I have failed , and have no plans for resitting any of my exams. It has destroyed me to my core. I never had any difficulties while studying as a teenager, but now it seems as if I'm living an entirely different life. It's constant failure upon failure, constant depression, constantly trying to find some reason to push through and find some luck in my outcomes, but to no avail.

I don't really have a reason to live anymore, all of my friends are either abroad or in their last year of undergrad. I can't approach anyone, can't open up myself to any one I know, can't manage to take pride in anything I do, it seems to me that I'm some sort of husk, with the inability to feel anything. It kills me to open Instagram or Facebook, and see all of my high school colleagues and classmates enjoying themselves, and making a future for themselves too, but me, I am lost.

Life has spiralled out of my control, I don't know where I will be in the next five years, whether I'l ever even have a place to live or not. I've disappointed my parents immensely, and have no prospects or pathways for the future.

Need someone to talk to. In this country, you're better off dead than without a degree.

And P.S, sorry for my English.

I am a 43 year old autistic woman with crippling social anxiety. Never dated, kissed or held hands with a guy. Men seemed to be put off by me. I can’t keep a job because of social issues and bullying wherever I go. My dad and therapist suggested I start by own business but I have no idea what to do. I tried multiple types of jobs but I’m not good at anything. The lady at the job agency I go to said I wasn’t suitable for any kind of job. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone collecting from the government. I wish I could be normal like everyone else.

My parents are in their 70’s and won’t be around forever. I’m scared what will happen when they aren’t here. They are literally the only friends/support I got. I have no idea how I will survive if the government gets rid of social security. I’m a complete failure in life.

My younger sister looks down on me because of how unsuccessful and weird I am. I can’t rely on support from cousins because she managed to turn them all against me with her lies. Basically she is a very popular social media star/influencer/business owner. Her and her husband make almost 7 figures a year. My parents put her through college, gave her a car, paid all her bills and bought groceries while she was going to school. She posted all this stuff on social media saying she grew up in an abusive household, was deprived of things and how she was kicked out at 18 and became homeless, etc. Somehow she got a job in a restaurant, made it to college and became successful.

The sad thing is she has over 500k followers, including a lot of family members. My aunts and uncles know the truth but my cousins all believe her. None of what she says is true. We grew up poor and my parents rarely fought. They couldn’t afford expensive vacations or designer clothes, but they did the best they could. My sister resents my parents because they couldn’t afford Louis Vuitton, Michael Kors, or expensive electronics. (I guess video game systems weren’t good enough for her?) On top of all that she made posts and videos saying I raped and sexually assaulted her. Again not true. I am asexual and also grossed out by anything to do with sex. Her and her friends used to bully me for that! Her lies have gotten so bad that my cousins want nothing to do with me. I tried telling them it was a lie, but they think she is more credible than me.

My life is just a living hell. I wish I had a sibling that cared about me and would be there when my parents passed away. I can’t even make any friends. I am so ugly and awkward people don’t want to be around me.

I know this will probably just go into the void like everything else but I needed to get all this off my chest because I have no one to talk to.

I know this sounds stupid, but hey, welcome to Reddit and this sub in general. Alt account because I don't feel like logging into my main.

I've been creating for over 20 years. Its my passion and my outlet. Drawing, writing, music, videos, streaming. Anything and all, I love to do. And I have the inherant curse of wanting my stuff to be seen. And it never does.

Now, that's not my problem. In this day and age, being seen for creative purposes is like catching lightning in a bottle. But the problem I have is when people around me "find out" that I make stuff, and they all want to see it. So I show it to them. I give them links to where I've written my novel. I send them to my youtube channel where I've spend weeks of hours of my life trying to make something cool. I give them the google drive that has the music I've cobble together.

And nothing. Ever. I never heard back. I always hear "oh yeah, its good" but no one can ever actually tell me why. No one ever comments on the piece, no one ever shares the video. No one even says "not my thing, but hey you made something."

I would take, no, I WANT critisism. I want to be told if my shit is shit. I want to know how to improve.

I wrote a whole novel over the course of a few years. I've given to it friends, I've given it to family. i've given it to strangers who asked in passing. I've been REQUESTED to give the story from people in the communities I circle. And nothing. Ever. Always "oh I got busy" or silence.

Recently I made something for someone. It was a video, made for them, for an event they were having that involved a character they had made. This character was also loved by the shared community, and people always went out of their way to add to the fanart and the fanfare. And when i made and released the video... Nothing. People saw it. I heard them see it. I watched them watch it. But apparently they were all so caught up in everything else that no one did so much as comment on the video. Even days after the fact.

I wonder, now. Is it just me? Is there something about me that makes people just forget to say anything? Is it so painfully dull that it saps the words from their brains? Is it a cognitohazard that wipes it from the minds of those who see it? am I an SCP? hah

I know this is just some loser behind the keyboard bellyaching to the voice. And I'm okay with that. I'm not here to garner sympathy, nor do I want it. I just needed to get these emotions off my chest before I say or do something that would hurt someone elses feelings.

By best friend (f 29) I think has always wanted to be an influencer since school. She is a good singer and a good dancer but not exceptional that she goes viral off that. She never told me that she wanted to be an influencer but I could tell by her tags and content. I tried my best to hype her in the comments and also shared it with others to get more engagement. But I don’t think I can do this anymore. Last year she informed me that wants to become an influencer and will try to so the same by sharing her gym journey. I just told her if she wants to then she can but she just shouldn’t leave her job. The content she now posts is very cringy it’s like mini skits about working out and like videos of her working out with motivational quotes with a lot of video editing. That type of content is something I personally find cringy I can’t bear to look at those and I don’t think I have ever seen more than 2 of her videos full. I immediately skip them when they come on my feed. I love her so much and I’m proud of her progress and works a 9-5, works out and then films and edits these videos. She puts in a lot of hard work but I just can’t even look at her videos. I feel so bad for judging her and disliking her content I want to hype her up but I just can’t 😭

Back early this month, i lost my medicare. Didn’t find out until a random urgent care visit when I had the flu and they told me it was no longer valid.

I made a claim on the 9th of this month. For weeks I spend multiple hours a day calling the medicare office. Only to be met with an automatic voice hanging up on me as soon as it could.

Yesterday, I finally got through. Where I was told they will most likely process it around 45 days from now. I asked what I did to lose my insurance and the phone operator said they couldn’t find a reason why this would happen. Most likely an error with the system. I also lost my secondary insurance, because medicare is required to also have that.

The issue is I’m epileptic. I need my meds to prevent me from having seizures. I have enough for the next couple weeks but I’m going to run out before the estimated processing date. Which isn’t even confirmed to be the day I get my insurance back. It’s just the day a person is given my case.

Not only will I not be able to afford my meds, but I have to put any doctor’s appointments on hold, and pray I don’t need to go to urgent care. It wouldn’t even be medical debt. I’d have to pay out of pocket, which would ruin me financially.

I don’t know what to do. I’m terrified i’ll run out of meds and my epilepsy will be uncontrolled for an unknown period of time. I have done so well, I’ve been seizure free since July.

I don’t have a purpose. All i do is make people sad. I hate myself. I’ve tried __myself before but I thought “maybe things will get bette” but they don’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with me mentally. I just don’t wanna live anymore.

I’m 20 years old and have been uncharismatic pretty much my whole life. I have few friends, only one close friend, and I seriously struggle to make new ones.

I’m always the most boring person during hangouts, I’m the only one who can’t say anything funny, and I’m the only one who never says anything interesting.

I’m so envious of my friends who can just walk up to strangers, strike up conversations, and make friends instantly. I’ve tried to do that so many times, but the conversations become awkward within seconds. The worst part is that I’m actually trying to become more charismatic. I’m reading books about it, going out and talking to people, and practicing hobbies, but nothing seems to change. I’m still painfully boring to talk to.

The only time I was able to be charismatic was when I was extremely drunk with some strangers I met at a bar. However, the next day when they talked to me while I was sober, they seemed pretty disappointed after seeing how boring I normally am.

Every day, I see people on social media like YouTube or Instagram who are my age, and you can just feel their charisma. The way they talk and their humor are so good that it makes me feel nothing but envy. I can’t enjoy anything anymore because, in the back of my mind, there’s always the reminder that I am and probably always will be an uncharismatic loser who can’t do something as basic as making friends.

And all the advice online tells me something stupid like, “Everyone has a different sense of humor; you just need to find friends who understand you.” As if the problem is just that I haven’t met the right people yet. But what if there are no “right people” for me? What if I’m just fundamentally uninteresting. Even my friends acknowledge the fact that I struggle with my charisma. A lot of the times I feel they hangout with me out of pity.

And honestly, I don’t even want friends who have to try to understand me. I want to be the kind of person who lights up a room just by walking in, who makes people laugh without thinking, who doesn’t have to search for acceptance because it just happens naturally. But I’m not. And I don’t think I ever will be.

But why couldn’t that be me? Why can’t I be the charismatic person I so desperately want to become? Is it genetic? Did my parents raise me wrong? There isn’t a single day that goes by where I don’t suffer because of this.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my friend about my personal goals and such as I seek out mental help. During the course of the past two years, I have come to terms with the idea that I may be on the spectrum. It was something I was heavily in denial about, but I have started seeing a psychiatrist and have not been diagnosed as of yet, if I do.

I was telling my friend about my struggles in a new relationship I am. How things feel very different with this one. I can’t exactly remember how the topic got brought up, but she mentioned that during messages, I most definitely don’t seem to read the tone and don’t seem to pick up when people are genuinely upset, so she doesn’t talk about her feelings with me through messenger. She was not upset about it or anything. She said she understands in person, I definitely can be vented to.

I’ve been told by a lot of people that I have a “caregiver” mentality. Most of the ones close to me have expressed they feel like they can open up to me because I’m pretty nurturing. I would have never expected that during messages or maybe other contexts, that people think I make things about myself? I just feel like personally, I find it validating when somebody shares their similar experiences with me. I’ve always thought that was just normal?

I was recently diagnosed OCD as well, which makes me understand a lot more things about myself. However, now I’m fixated on this idea that people might think I’m selfish. I love talking to people and hearing them talk. I guess maybe I just get carried away if I don’t know how to respond?

Basically, the title says it all...

My now ex bf was completely shocked to discover that BLUEberries were blue! Ha had spent the first 25 years of his life believing they were green!

And that's how he found out he was colorblind.

How can you go 25 years without realising you're colorblind, you may ask? Let's just say he wasn't the sharpest string in the lamp. And his parents weren't much better, somehow never realising their son only saw the world in shades of green and brown...

Today's my 23rd birthday and it's become more and more apparent how lonely I feel.

From like 15 to 18, I was so outgoing, social, had many friends, used to plan and do stuff etc. Then I started university and it's been a steady downeards spiral ever since. I have around 2-3 friends left that I barely talk to because I struggle to keep the contact or just remember to talk to them. The only person I really see these days is my boyfriend, whom I love incredibly much and this is in no way his fault.

The thing is that I have no social battery anymore so even if I do manage see my friends, I'm exhausted after hanging out. We don't even have to do anything and I'll still tired afterwards. At the same time though, I feel so isolated and lonely when I don't see them for months.

I did manage to make some friends for a while in university. But again, I just didn't have the energy to keep the friendship alive. They hung out a lot and I just didn't go so in the end they stopped asking, which is fair enough. Naturally, there's really no contact between me and them anymore...

And of course, the easy thing could perhaps be to just reach out to friends that I haven't spoken to in a while but then I have no idea what to say. I feel like I can't hold a conversation anymore and I just feel awkward and weird.

This is just me rambling and I know, believe me, I know it's probably 100% a me problem. I just feel a bit down, realizing how much I've isolated myself over the last few years.

I have nothing left. My friends are all gone. My bf is gone. I have no way to pay my bills. My family wants me gone. I'm just done. Done with everything. I'm ending it.

I am 25 years old and I never had that consistent feeling of wanting to have someone by my side. Someone to go out with. Doing stuff just because they are fun.

I downloaded a few online dating apps but I cant bring myself to create a proper profile as I just dont like that fake self-portrayal of who i am just so that people like me. It doesnt feel real to me. Same goes for when i swipe through the profiles of others. I am sure if I met them in rl i would like them but on the app they are just not attractive to me.

Sadly, I cant seem to find women in rl so every few weeks i download an app again just to not create a profile.

Hey I am useless in everything I do. I learned photoshop, was shit and no one wanted to use me, I learned animation, was shit and nobody wanted to use me. I worked in construction and was replaceable for cheaper workers. I worked in IT, but failed the education during the pandemic and probably would have a dead end job there as well. I learned basic to intermediary coding and I still weren’t good enough. Even worse you are replaced by AI if your not basically at Senior level.

I tried selling, and I did not get anywhere. I tried making a digital store for diverse products twice. First was hardware, second was Roasted Coffee, as I love Coffee.

Like what am I to do? I am tired of trying so much.

It's a bummer in some ways nearing the end of my 30s, realizing I'll never be a father. I never had much of a chance, I did have a high school girlfriend, but her father hated me and would kidnap her from school to send her to rehab for anorexia. I realized then I was not going to have the best time with romance, even at 19. That was my longest relationship of 4 years, and how bad that sounds, it shows what was to come. I think that's some peoples entire story, just... a bad hand.

I had one other serious relationship after that, with an alcoholic after I got sober, we had two abortions due to having unprotected sex, that was in my mid 20s. I held her hand in the waiting room, we got through the first abortion but the second our relationship was done. I don't want to comment on how dumb I was for the 2nd one to happen, she thought she had Endometriosis and polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), was diagnosed, and insisted she couldn't get pregnant.

Anyway, it's long far past the point of me being upset about it, I've come to terms. now that I realize that was my only chance at children, and how self-aware I've gotten about my own issues, communication style, I think it was the best decision to never allow myself to reproduce. I have a great career in tech, make 120k or so, and that's great but due to how much I care / need validation / am emotional, I think there's a huge chance my child would've been cut off / dismissive / an avoidant communication style, in reaction to how anxious / needy I am ( I send dozens of texts to my friends, I am sure I would've done this to my kid) and I would've dealt with wanting love from a child and not getting it because I am so flawed.

I mean, look at how I am writing right now. All of that is so selfish, it's about how the kid could've had a good life not what I would get from it, and I know that. I do sometimes when I am out look at kids feel jealous because seeing how they react to things and how they have this wonder its a new take on things, I do think I would've enjoyed seeing that, I would've loved what they loved because they loved it, at least I want to think so.

But still, my parents only respond with "what" or "yes" or one word texts over text, while I am the complete opposite, I send dozens of texts, call my mom and my dad, they never call me. I'm convinced this is how families go or parenting, my parents are emotionally detached, and so I'm anxiously dying for attention, and the way I cope with it is communicating too much. Because I would've done this to my kids, I'm sure they would've been fed up / withdrew in to feeling like that protects them, this process of trauma / emotional neglect would repeat itself because in 50 years they would've had kids who were anxious and needy. I am so thankful I stopped my future grand children from suffering, from feeling never loved, from feeling needy and anxious, and like nobody will ever accept you for who you are.

It's a strange way to look at what I prevented from happening, but I really do think I made the best decision. I've had therapists tell me I would be a good father because I have an example of what not to be- my Dad never being there, leaving my mom, all that. But it's not that simple. The way we act or what we pass down to our kids, we have no idea how they will react or how they will develop if you are inconsistent. And I still think because of who I am, I can't be a constant good father, and I think I made the best decision to never be one.

And as I near the end of my life, I am content in that I prevented pain and sure, I prevented some joy, but who knows the amount of pain I would've started generations down. It's better this way. I am happy for those who get to experience it, I do think parenting can be beautiful but I don't think some people can do it, and I'm one of them.

My (30f) boyfriend (29m) have been together for 6 years. Have lived with each other for 5 years. We have always agreed on our perspectives about marriage. I don’t believe in the whole idea, I could go my whole life and not be married but I did want a proposal. For me, the act of proposing was a sign of commitment, the only one I needed.

During our early relationship I told him that dog sledding has been top of my bucket list since I was little. I was obsessed with dog sledding movies, at recess my friends and I would use a skipping rope and pretend to have sled dog races. It’s always been a dream. Throughout our 6 years together he’s always said he knew how he was going to propose. I quickly figured out that he was planning to do it while we went dog sledding. It was so meaningful to me that he picked that. It was a dream. I’ve spent the last 6 years having this picture perfect proposal in my mind.

Earlier this year my dad passed, I was left a bit of money and I decided it was time to book the trip. He agreed. To note, every year I’ve mentioned booking this trip he said to wait, not yet, etc. I was so excited he finally said yes. Well.. the day before we were leaving he told me he wasn’t proposing on this trip. He thought about it, but decided not to.

I think the most hurtful parts of our very long conversation were him saying: A) he’s afraid of commitment and everything changing. He saw his dad go through a nasty divorce, I get it. But, he wants us to buy a house together in the next few years. How do I make a commitment like that with someone who is afraid to commit to me? B) he said if he knew I had these expectations he would have got over his feelings and done it. Now it just feels like he wasn’t willing to put the thought and effort into this unless it was expected. I’m hurt. I feel like he ruined my dream by linking these two things. He never should have if he wasn’t going to follow through. He has apologized, has said he will regret this for the rest of his life and he feels horrible.

It’s the day of the dog sledding. I can’t stop crying. I feel like everything changes after today. I resent him for saying he would have done it, could have done it and didn’t. I’m also worried I’ve wasted the last 6 years on someone who can’t commit and won’t return the effort I put in.

Some time last year me and my partner where watching the last episode of a TV series, and in it one of the main  characters is dying slowly. And as she’s dying she’s talking about her view of the universe and God and how she thinks we are all connected, and it was a beautiful thing to watch and it was very heart felt. At the end, I turned to my partner and he is bawling his eyes out. I’ve only seen him cry once before, and it was a bit of a shock. He said what we had just watched was so beautiful and it had really hit him.

He has spoken of this since, he’s somewhat embarrassed about crying (which I have assured him is nothing to feel embarrassed about), but I think what this character said as she lay dying really touched him.

But when I watch this scene, I had a wildly different experience. Instead of focusing on the things the character is saying, I was reminded of how boring dying is. Five years ago I tried to kill myself. I took an overdose and slit my wrists, and somehow survived with 162 stitches and a couple of weeks in a psyche ward. And when I watched this scene, I had this memory of lying on a hotel bed, pills making me feel fuzzy, veins open, and just, waiting. I had no deep emotional experience, no epiphany of the nature of the universe, no deep sense of connection. I was cold, and I was alone, and it took what felt like hours and I was bored. That’s what I saw in this scene as the character talks about the wonders of the universe and the connections between everyone. I saw a slow death.

I have not told my partner about this memory. He holds this scene so fondly in his heart, I could never ruin it by talking about my own experience, but I needed to tell someone.

Today went like most days me and my mum got into an argument in the morning we do every morning I’m alt and she didn’t care about my makeup until recently when she saw it she told me to wipe it off I said I can’t then she started screaming at me after a while she jumped on me while holding a makeup wipe to get off the red lipstick I had on she pinned me down pulled my hair and I kept moving and was screaming get off me get off me then she told me to get the fuck off and leave now get out off her room and she’s not doing my hair (for reference I’m a 16 year old autistic girl so I usually need assistance with doing my hair because off the sensory side and my mum is my carer so she usually does it) after I left she kept screaming from the other room at me then she came into my room and tried to force me out onto the street before my taxi came to school she stashed my bag off me and chucked it down the stairs at that point I started badly screaming back because my bag had my artwork in it for my exams then when she was screaming she said I hit her and kicked her I didn’t well I mean at least I don’t think I did she was yelling about how much bigger I am than her ( im a uk xl and she’s a uk xs) and how I could have badly hurt her that I should get the fuck out and live with my dad instead she kept trying to force me to leave and I started crying leave me alone leave me alone then she left for a few minutes and told me to get out so I walked into the living room instead and waited for my taxi and tried to fix the rest of my makeup she came downstairs and said she would do my hair I went upstairs and as she was doing it for me she started screaming again because she noticed that my eyebrows are a different shape I’ve been shaving the tails off them for months now and she didn’t say anything until today I just stayed quiet and she beat me over the hair 10 times with the brush she said how I look a disgusting disgrace and how could I do that to myself I just stayed silent and left the house I apologised via text in the taxi and she made me feel like the one in the wrong and I don’t know if I am I just said sorry and left it she rang my dad before and told him her side off the story and he said she should just slap me and how he’s going to kill me and I’m a little shit esc I don’t know what to do anymore I don’t feel safe anywhere my mum is my carer but everything I do she screams at me for even the tiniest mistakes and my dad mostly cares for me but can be the same way I feel hopeless my own parents don’t love me I don’t know what to do anymore living here is making me miserable but I can’t live with my dad either because he’ll never take my side

Back in August I dove into a shallow pool and ended up breaking my neck. I am C2 quadriplegic because of that and I need 24/7 care. I hate myself. I am a burden on my whole family. My parents have to work almost the whole day to be able to support my special needs, my brother can't go to the school he wants because he has to take care of me and my grandparents have to stay with me while my brother isn't home. With one dumb decision I ruined the lives of 6 people. I feel fucking horrible, I want to die. I am not good in any way, I'm not a good sister, not a good daughter, not a good granddaughter. It would be better for everyone if I just don't wake up one morning.

I cannot tell my parents about this, I can’t take whatever guilt tripping and shaming they’ll give over not trusting them as a child.

When I was 16 I was in deep need of affection which opened me to being groomed repeatedly. It became normal to me to need to expose myself to strangers online for them to continue talking to me.

I knew I was being used at the time but the desire for connection outweighed the danger and humiliation. I’m now realizing I was likely being used to harvest underage porn and I don’t know what those people did with those images of me.

I can’t stop them from sharing, I have to accept that they exist and they’re out there. How do I cope and come to terms with this?

I feel guilty for not being able to do something special for his birthday. For mine, he got me some games he was planning to buy anyway and later gifted me a new monitor as a belated present. He takes care of everything financially and doesn’t like the idea of me working while studying, so we agreed that he would provide for me, even with the distance. While I appreciate this arrangement, I sometimes feel like I’m not doing enough for him or that I can’t give him anything special in return.

We’ve talked about it many times, and he reassures me that what he truly wants is for me to be comfortable and available during my breaks from university. He prefers coming home after a long day and just spending time with me on FaceTime, watching movies, or relaxing together, rather than having me work and be unavailable. Whenever I express guilt about him sending me money for bills, I end up saying, “I’m sorry, I’ll just get a job,” which frustrates him. Our last argument over this led to him saying, “Just do whatever you want, I’m tired of having this conversation over and over again.” And honestly, he’s right.

For his sake, I try not to dwell on these feelings anymore, and I do enjoy the comfort of being able to focus on my studies without stress. But at the same time, I can’t shake the guilt of knowing he’s working hard while I get to stay home during my breaks—it’s a conflicting feeling.

Now that his birthday is coming up, I feel useless because I don’t know how to make it special for him.

I’ve been told I look like a man since I was a very small child. I’ve been called ‘sir’ in public, and made fun of for how I look. I hate this so much

I wish I could say I was at peace with my appearance but I’m not. I just wish I could be a pretty girl. It makes me so sad whenever people mistake me for a guy or call me ‘sir’ or whatever. I know they’re just words & I should just get over it but it hurts.

I’m sure as I get older I’ll care less. I’m a teenager right now so everything is probably 10x worse, but holy shit i just wish I could crawl into a hole and never come back out. people treat me so horribly because of something I have zero control of