To keep this short, I 19 F have a boyfriend, Derek 19 M we’ve been dating for a little over a year now. Derek is the older brother of one of the kids I babysit and he’s really amazing he’s smart kind goofy and I love the relationship that he has with his younger sister. Our only problem is his best friend Destiny CONSTANTLY brings up his ex gf Tiffany. Derek and Tiffany dated for most of their highschool life up until senior year. I’ve met Tiffany and she’s cool and I’m cool too so we’re cool. Destiny tho? Not so cool. Whenever we hang out destiny finds some way to bring up the times when Tiffany and Derek were together i don’t really mind because the stories are funny. One thing that Derek and Tiffany had in common was their love for horses. For his 16th birthday his Dereks dad brought him a horse and he had once brought Tiffany to the ranch where she is to ride her and I honestly think that’s rlly cool and told him that we should definitely do that. I didn’t realize it then but recently when Derek and I were at his house watching a movie he told me if what Destiny was saying bothered me i didn’t have to fake interest and hide it. I told him that i had no idea what he was talking about. And he explained that Destiny was constantly bringing up Tiffany to me to make me jealous. I told him that was ridiculous because while Tiffany is great she’s also a lesbian which is one of the reasons they broke up. I then asked him if he wanted me to be jealous. He took a while to respond but eventually said yes. I couldn’t help it and started laughing bc I love this dude so much but laughing turned out to be the worst choice of action seeing as how he quickly grabbed his coat and left before I could even say anything. I’ve been texting him all night trying to explain that I wasn’t laughing bc i didn’t love him but at the fact that he thinks I’m not jealous. I am, but not of Tiffany of Destiny. Like she’s been his best friend since middle school I can’t compete with a best friend since middle school bc no one can compete with mine.

TL;DR TIFU by laughing during a serious conversation with my boyfriend when he told me he wanted me to feel jealous and might have possibly ruined my relationship with an amazing dude how do i fix this?

Happened yesterday. My BF (29M) and I (27F) were watching news coverage of a clean-up taking place in a nearby suburb after a tornado came through. There were a few firefighters assisting with clean up, walking around, checking homes, and helping people. I accidently said, "Saving lives is so hot." While watching. My boyfriend was a little taken aback and asked me what I meant. I told him firefighters were really attractive to me because they are so brave and selfless. It's a huge turn-on.

He told me he felt like that was a messed up thing to say to him, that I shouldn't be looking at other men like that. I assured him that I only want him, but maybe I'd enjoy doing some role playing. He got even more upset and said that I crossed the line and he doesn't think he can really satisfy me because he's nothing like a firefighter and doesn't want to act like one. Things just kind of escalated from there.

In the heat of our argument, I told him I don't get on him about him fantasies, and preferences of MMA women, and so on. He said it's different because he's a guy, and he doesn't talk about it in front of me (he does).

He told me if I'm so turned on by firefighters, I should go be with one and stop leading people on. I tried to explain that it's just a fantasy. I just appreciate the qualities of masculinity and bravery, I can't help that. He said I emasculated him by having this fantasy. I didn't want to keep fueling the fire, so I apologized, but he was still so upset. He told me he just needs to get away before he says some things he'll regret. So he took off to his friends place and hasn't contacted me since yesterday.

TLDR; So, by accidently thinking out loud, then suggesting a roleplaying scenario that my BF didn't agree with, we got into a big blow out argument and he's now staying over at his buddies house because he is so upset with me.

Technically this was a few days ago.

I was at a club with some friends and seen those private booths and seen an upper year from a different school I knew, he allowed me in, I got cake and invited to the afterparty. Looking back this was a red flag cause apart fromhim everyone in the booth were like 30 ir 40 years old and im only 18, but i was too drunk and was getting kinda bored. I'm already excited asl cause my mum never let me out so now that I'm in college the freedom felt good.

On the way one if the guys is telling me how I'm gonna be partying sith the big boys now etc. We get home and after awhile these guys start taking out crystal meth on the plate and after asking what it was the host, a woman who was celebrating her 40th birthday showed me how to do it and offered it to me. I did a few lines go back to hanging out with the guys and doing more shots in their room.

The woman was also pretty touchy and kept telling stories of guys she's been with and even pushed on the bed and started riding me to demonstrate how she did it and would also just come up to me and kiss me. I'd also see her and the other girl giving the guys lap dancing, and even asked me if I wanted to snort more meth on their tits or ass.

Some more time go by and they also bring out mdma, I see it, ask what it was, ask to try it and she teaches me how to do it. So now I'm absolutely plastered, high on alot of meth and now soon to high on mdma. It doesn't help that it seemed like they had an infinite supply of crystal cause they just kept doing more and more lines.

Some more time goes by and I start popping in and out of consciousness, I remember the woman giving me a lap dance and next thing I know being advised to leave. I had no clue what I did cause I was blacking so I remember asking why and if I did something wrong. One of the girls says that I basically took out my dick when she was dancing on me, I'm naturally shocked and embarrassed and start apologising profusely and cause I can tell I'm losing myself I agree to leave.

Next day I tell her I'm coming back to give them a gift and apologise alot again, they accept my apology, the other girl and one of the dudes tells me that since I'm young I should stop doing crystal and drugs cause they don't want to see me get addicted and say next time not to go overboard.

Naturally I feel horrible and I should cause that's not acceptable behaviour but at the same time, these are like 7 30-40 year olds teaching me how to do Crystal meth and mdma while cleary drunk and with the knowledge I'm 18. Like i never wouldve went mad if atleast one said no or did anything to stop me from doing any of the drugs. I'm not trying to completely pass blame cause I know I'm responsible as well for my own actions but I sort of feel like they're also partly to blame for giving me more alcohol, mdma and meth all while i was already drunk and clearly had no clue what i was getting into, it's not that surprising that it went bad.

In a way its good it went bad so i know to stay away from drugs and heavy drinking.

TL;DR: was offered a buttload of hard drugs for the first time and ruined a house party

Edit: for what it's worth, I didn't know they were going to do any drugs at the afterparty, more of a mix of curiosity and being drunk

Tl:dr I asked my gf/prom date what was wrong at prom,she then broke up with me and now I have to attend court with my father

So this happened last night, I was at prom with my girlfriend who we will call P. I’ve been dating P since July of last year and it’s been good besides a few downs that we had. Recently she has been very non talkative and barely responds to me. But at prom last night it was still happening. We eventually get to the point where I’m concerned about her so I ask her what’s wrong. P sits down in a bench and asks if I want to do this now or tomorrow, so now I’m worried so of course I say now. She proceeds to tell me how she no longer feels love to me romantically and she believes that I’m the right person at the wrong time and we both still have some growing up to do. Understandably I was very sad, so I said I wanted to go home but she took me to prom. We eventually were allowed to go home and as we were on our way home I started bawling and it wouldn’t stop. She told me to throw our tickets away in the trash when I got home. I told her goodbye and I texted my parents about what happened. My mom texted me and told me she didn’t want me to be by myself tonight so she came and picked me up as my dad was not home. Fast forward to when I’m getting in bed when my mom comes in and asks where I put the tickets. I told her I put it in the trash when I got home as I was told to. And all of a sudden my dad called me and asked the same thing. However what my mom didn’t tell me is my ex and her mom broke into my dad’s house to steal the after prom tickets. I told my dad not to call the cops because it was just tickets and it’s not that big of a deal. And then I go to sleep. I wake up at about 2 from my mom telling me that P got a citation and P’s mom is now in jail. She told me not to text P as that was her wish and if I do it would be considered cyber stalking. After waking up again in the morning my mother and I take my suit back to the boutique place to drop it off. Which is when I caved in and texted my ex. Which obviously I shouldn’t have done but I still care about her. Even now I’d be willing to pay her citation if it means that she’ll be my friend. I told her I was sorry and I never meant for any of this to happen along with me telling her that I tried to not have the cops called. She tells me that she no longer wants to talk to me, and that she doesn’t want to be friends with me. She also tells me the court date is may 16th. And now I am going to go so I can have a chance at getting her to forgive me.

As the title states, I (33 M) f'd up by being a homophobic piece of shit when I was in senior high.  Basically there was this new kid who had just moved into town and was now attending my school, in a matter a days news of the kid who i'll call Karl, spread throughout the school of him being gay. 

Now, this school was super religious when it came to stuff like students committing crimes and kids being gay, so when thi though he tried to hide it, it was still pretty obvious.

So one day, my friends and I decided that we were gonna f around and bully the new kid. One of my friends thought it'd be a good idea to make a ketchup bomb, this essentially was a bottle of ketchup that had baking soda added to it and it was then shaken. Then came lunch time, with the bottle of ketchup and a little package of baking soda I sneaked behind Karl and mixed the two components,shook and closed the bottle, well this little prank went south really quickly as the ketchup bomb exploded everywhere and made a loud sound. I, ofcourse got 3 weeks of detention and the other guys who were involved got away scott free.

Time came for detention and as I walk into the little detention room, guess who's there, Karl of all people. He's just sitting by a window drawing but that was soon cut short as the vice principal who gave the detention led both me and Karl down to the schools basement, there, waiting on us was the school janitor. Without hesitation he handed us cleaning equipment and we were then told that we'd have to clean our schools dirty basement which contained mountains of boxes and old school supplies.

Karl and I were left alone and unsupervised for 3 hours to clean the basement. For the entirety of the first hour we workd in silence as we moved and sorted these items,during the second hour he tripped and fell while carrying one of the boxes and i went to help him up. But he swatted my hand away,brushed the cob webs off of himself and got back to work. But not long after, he turned to me and said " you did it because I'm gay? The ketchup bomb, you made it go off all over me just because you don't like that I'm gay." I stared at him not knowing what to say, I had never been confronted about my shenanigans up until this point so the only answer I could give him was "yea, I don't like you f*gs ." I then smirked an continued to look at him.

He slowly walked towards my, thoungh i was tall he still towered over me. He came extremely close to my face and whispered "I know you like boys too, uh-huh I see how you watch those guys in the locker room after they shower." I was confused and shocked, I never thought anyone had seen me looking at other boys and even if they did, it's not like they'd think anything of it because everyone thought I was straight and so did I.

He was still close to my face after he said this, so I grabbed his face and kissed him. I don't know why, I just felt someway about him in that moment. I then pushed him away and we both stared at each other with a blank expression, then I began to beat him, I was scared that he'd tell someone so I beat him, and pretty bad too. The vice principal heard the commotion and burst in only to see Karl on the ground and me hovering over him. He asked what happened and I replied " he tried to touch me".

My lie led to Karl being expelled and his family who were the nicest and most calm people packed up and left our little town never to be seen again. I remember seeing Karl in the back seat of their car with his head tilted down as they sped off into the unknown. For the months that followed, I could not stop thinking about the kiss,I began to question if my whole life was a lie and why I was so extremely homophobic.

Grocery store

Fast forward 15 years, here I am married to a man. Crazy right? Well yesterday my husband (33M) who i'll call Matt,and I went grocery shopping and while collecting items he goes off to find some beans. About 7 minutes had past and he hadn't returned so I made my way to the canned goods isle and there I see my husband with the beans in his hand talking to this tall, slender person with long hair who at first, I presumed to be a woman because of their feminine facial structure. So thinking this is one of his friends I slowly approached,extend my hand and smile ready to greet this person, then we locked eyes ...I.could.not.believe.it ... it was Karl. The look on his face went from pure joy to that of a person who had just come face to face with the grim reaper. Karl looked absolutely mortified at the sight of, without saying a word he rest his cart of items on the flood and walked so fast that he nearly sprinted out of the store. I stood there in shock unable to utter a word. " that was strange " said my husband. I didn't reply, I simply pushed the trolley towards the checkout area and then to the car all while maintaining a blank stare and being speechless. Once we got in the car that's where Matt rapid fired rounds of questions at me, he said things like " were you two a couple?" , " did he bully you as a child or something?" Well this question made me break down in tears and I explained " No, no you've got it wrong, I was the bully." I cried so hard that I began to gasp for air, Matt tried to call me down but the only thing that worked ways be pulling over and getting out of the car. When I had finally calmed down about 15 minutes later, I explained to Matt how I was the bully, how i beat Karl after I kissed him and lied on him which resulted in him moving out of the town. The same mortified expression adorned Matt's face, he was in disbelief at what I had just said because he had also been bullied terribly in high school. We got back in the car and continued our drive in silence, it's been a day and things still seem weird between matt and i.

TL;DR- I was homophobic in high-school and ended up beating a gay kid who my husband ran into later in life

Obligatory did not happen today. This tale goes back to coronatimes. We were in full lockdown and my team at work was having a very important online meeting on new policies. Everyone was there, my collegues, my boss... I was having a particulary shitty morning. When first logging in on the call I realised the worst: my wifi was down. I quickly jumped into the car and raced to my parents house close by. Luckily, I could set up in my brothers old room on his shitty desk between his boxing ball and his closet. With a delay of 20 minutes, I finally connected to the zoomcall...only to realise that my battery was running low and my charger was still at home. After an axiety-ridden return trip back home I was officially a half an hour late on this call. Luckily we had only just arrived at the point in the meeting where my opinion was needed. Sigh of relief, gather my thoughts, start concentrating and jutting down notes. But then, the moment that I was discussing something very important...my computer screen goes black. WTF. Try to turn on and of. No reaction. Check charger. No reaction. Put down the screen of my laptop and just stare in front of me. Maybe the battery died so hard it needs a minute to charge enough? Anxiety through the roof. What can I do for a couple of minutes while I wait? My eye catches the boxing ball. In a daze I get up and start punching...it feels amazing! Automtically while I was punching, I start cursing out this stupid computer, this stupid day, all the deities I can think of. 5 min later I calmly sit down again, try my screen and miraculously it lights up again. I join the call and everyone is dead silent for a minute. Then my boss asks me to join her on a seperate call and promptly asks me if I'm okay. My computer had betrayed me yet again: the screen had gone black, but apparantly I was still on the call, still very much with my mic on (I mean..how???). From their point of view, I had just suddenly put my screen down and started screaming and hitting stuff. That was the tale of how everyone on my team heard me randomly have a complete meltdown. In the end I tried to awkwardly explain, but I got some concerned looks the next couple of days. I did find out that many of my colleagues genuinly cared for me as multiple people approached my asking if I was alright and if they could help me in some way. So in the end, while I cannot trust on my laptop at all, I can very much trust and lean on my team :)

TL;DR: My computerscreen goes black while on an important work call. I try to relieve stress while boxing and cursing for a few minutes. Turns out my mic was still very much on and audible to the whole team.

Not today ofcourse, but som time ago, me and this girl were very in love and we had just finished a date. At the time i was very reluctant to our relationship considering we date from distance, other cities that is.

We wrote back and forth and I told her i was scared of hurting both her and myself due to the distance we faced. Yet still she didnt give up on me, she even offered to visit every weekend and break from school no matter the cost. Idk why me in the past would still refuse that but I did because i didnt want to hurt her i guess.

Looking back at it i dont know what went through my head and my head is filled with so much regret today. The amount of shame of my past self is immeasurable and by now we've got back in contact but I believe she has a boyfriend for the time being. Which is my fault ofcourse. Everyday I think of the times we had, everyday I blame myself for letting her go and everyday it hurts seeing her with another boy, I'm sure she is being well treated and that I'm not worried about, only that my stupid choice might have been my biggest mistake of my life.

TL;DR: If u have any questions just go ahead, yea ik I fucked up. Real bad. Now I wait, for a miracle, I haven't told her my regret aswell as I see it might not be good considering she has a bf rn.

I’m sorry ahead of time, this one is going to be very long, detailed, and rambly. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this and just need to vent. Those of you that like stupid everyday relationship issues, have fun. TLDR at the bottom for the 99% of you that probably don’t want to read all of this.

It was just a week after my 30th birthday, and our one year anniversary was approaching. I was deeply in love with my girlfriend (28). She’s the most beautiful, ambitious, intelligent, and kind person I’ve ever met. It’s remarkable how aligned our values and aspirations are, and we shared so many hobbies and interests. In all of my previous relationships, I’ve never felt such an effortless connection. She’s the first person I found myself wanting to spend my life with (and I was engaged at one point, a different FU).

I've poured my heart into our relationship, constantly striving to support her in every possible way. Whether it was showering her with compliments, encouraging her pursuits, or surprising her with thoughtful gifts, I've made it my mission to make her happy. Due to her situation, I financially shouldered the burden of our dates. When staying in, I gladly took charge of cooking duties (she despises cooking). From assisting her through post-surgery recovery, to chauffeuring her for 2 months while her car was in the shop, to helping her move apartments on short notice, and giving her money when she accidentally overdrew her account, I tried to show that I was a hard working, loyal, and committed partner. To be clear, these aren’t things she was asking me to do, I was happy to do them. I was looking for any excuse to spend time with her anyway, and I wanted to show that I was part of this team.

This was her first serious relationship and she showed some hesitancy in some aspects. She almost broke up with me at the beginning of the year. She said that I was way more invested in the relationship than she was, and that she was struggling to see a future with me. She came back the next day and apologized, and said that she’s not used to having to account for another person in her plans for her life and she panicked. We agreed to work on things, and I tried to take things slow and asked her to set the pace of the relationship.

Despite my unwavering commitment, we encountered a few stumbling blocks. Particularly in communication, especially in the realm of emotional support. While she values her independence, she occasionally finds herself overwhelmed when things go wrong. I made concerted efforts to be someone she could rely on, employing active listening and empathy. However, she expressed a desire for more from me. The biggest issue was her preference for me to anticipate her needs without her explicitly articulating them. She often expressed frustration when I've inquired about how best to assist her during times of distress, preferring instead that I take initiative without prompting. Despite my best intentions, this task often felt akin to mind-reading, leaving me walking on eggshells to avoid disappointing her or upsetting her further. So often I would reach out to support her, giving her room to vent, actively listening, and validating how she’s feeling, but she would immediately snap at me because she wanted something else or felt that I wasn’t doing enough. Then she’d become more frustrated at me than at the original problem, and either hang up or stop responding to my texts and would go full silent treatment the rest of the day. Things seemed to be fine when we were actually together, but over the phone or via text always seemed to result in me fucking things up somehow. I asked her so many times to please just clarify what she needs from me, but she always refused.

Things had been going well between us, with over a month passing since the last issue. After spending a long weekend together, she left my place for work. She hoped to visit her sister and new nephew and a few friends later in the afternoon depending on the weather, which was forecasted to be nasty. We were exchanging our usual updates throughout the day when she mentioned her broken fan. The fan was basically brand new and pretty expensive. She was upset that she might have to buy a new fan when she couldn’t really afford it at the moment. I suggested checking if it was under warranty, but the call center was closed. I thought it would be sorted out eventually when they reopened.

Then she texts me about a meeting she had with her boss. She works for a nonprofit, and the employees are expected (basically required) to donate to the nonprofit at the end of their fundraising campaign. She’s the one that actually records donations, and she can see that everyone else is donating way more than she can afford. She tried to clarify with her boss what was expected of her, but was told to just give whatever she can. I respond to this by saying how shitty and entitled that was of her boss/organization, and if I was in her spot I’d just give $20 since no other expectations were set. She responded with a curt “That’s all you took from that?” I replied no, her boss is being really unfair to her and the whole situation is frustrating.

At that, she fell silent despite my attempts to engage her through instagram and snapchat. The workday ends, still no reply. I thought that she might have visited her sister or met up with a friend given her preference for disconnecting from phones during social interactions, so I waited. However, as nearly three hours elapse without any communication, I started to get worried. Sending additional messages and snaps yielded no response, she wasn’t even viewing the messages. I contemplated calling her but I hesitated, not wishing to intrude if she's preoccupied.

After almost four hours she finally responds to my text, expressing a desire to cancel our plans for the following day. She was upset with me and needs some space to think about the future of our relationship. She said that I made no effort to emotionally support her when she was having an awful day, and that she expected me to call her but I couldn’t even put the effort in to do that. I extended heartfelt apologies, explaining that since she wasn’t responding to my other messages I thought she was busy, and that I misinterpreted the situation and I didn’t realize she was that upset based off of the messages she sent. I offered to call immediately if she still wanted to talk, but also reiterated my frustration of navigating her unspoken needs. However, she asserted to having communicated her needs repeatedly without apparent comprehension on my part, and that she stopped responding because it was pointless to try to get the message across anymore. I told her that I loved her and asked her to please reach out when she was ready to talk, but I didn’t hear from her for the rest of the evening.

The next morning, she asks if she can come over after work. I immediately responded with a yes. I ask her about how her day is going, but still get curt one word answers. After a grueling day, she finally comes over. We go over our communication issues again. I explained how this all made me feel, almost like I become her emotional punching bag when she gets overwhelmed. I knew that isn’t the case and said as much to her, but I explained how much it hurt when she would give me the silent treatment instead of guiding me to what she needs. I would have been happy to call her had she expressed that she needed to hear from me. I explained how desperate I was to support her, but she wasn’t giving me anything to work with. She said that acting on her needs is less important to her than me showing effort for her, and in general she hadn’t been seeing much of that from me recently.

She cited the date I had originally planned for that night as an example of my lack of effort. I had wanted to go to our favorite food truck and grab dinner, take her to one of my favorite cocktail bars that she’s never been to before, and then go tipsy book shopping. She focused on the food truck, and was upset that we always seem to go there. (To put it in perspective, we tried to go to the truck a few weeks before but they were closed unexpectedly, the last time we actually got food from them was 2 or 3 months previous). She didn’t explain any of this when she originally turned down that idea, and only said that she wasn’t feeling that kind of food. She didn’t comment on the bar or bookstore plans. I had no idea she was feeling this way. I also felt a little slighted by the fact that she turned down the idea to begin with. A few weeks prior, we had a conversation about how I was always deferring to her when it came to date ideas, and how little I got to pick what we did, where we ate, what movies or shows we watched. I was frustrated at this, because I wanted to share all of these things with her that she always turned down (despite them often being shared things that we loved). At the time she apologized, and said that if I wanted to do something with her I just needed to ask and she’d go. However, here was another example of her turning down a date that I planned, something I genuinely wanted to share with her. And on top of that, I was being called lazy for it.

In her case, most of the dates she recently planned involved bed rotting and watching her favorite show. Just the weekend before this I took her to our first date spot/favorite wine bar, a new food truck, and to see her favorite band in concert. 

She suddenly followed up with saying that she doesn’t really feel like she knows me all that well, and can never figure out what I feel or think. This hurt even more. Even if I hadn’t had a falling out with my friend group a few months prior,(I couldn’t go to my friends wedding that was rescheduled last minute to be the Friday before Christmas, when I was going to be out of town) I still considered her my best friend. I shared so much of myself with her, and was always open about what I felt or thought about things. I explained that I didn’t feel like she was putting in the effort to know me if she felt that way.

I contrasted this with how I interact with her. I always showed interest in her thoughts, feelings, experiences, and hobbies. I always asked her follow up questions, and tried to generate genuine discussions so I could learn more about her. I used our shared love of books as an example. I always asked her about what she was reading, how she was enjoying it, and what her books made her think or feel. I even asked to read those books a few times just so I could connect with her more, despite them really not being my kind of books. On the other hand, she never showed interest in what I was reading. For Christmas I even got her a book that I fell in love with that was a blend of the genres we read. I was so excited to share it with her, and thought she’d love it. It’s short, she could have probably read it in under two hours. Considering how much she reads, it wouldn’t have taken that long. I even offered several reading dates where we could hang out at home, drinking tea and reading that book so we could discuss it together. She always picked her newest romance book instead, and said that she didn’t know when she’d get around to reading it.

This played out so many times over so many mediums. She constantly turned down places I wanted to take her to, restaurants and bars I wanted to try, movies, shows, and books that were important to me. I had been trying to get her to watch The Princess Bride with me since Christmas since she’s never seen it. It’s absolutely something that she would have loved if she tried it, but instead we always had to watch whatever comfort sitcom she was binging at the time. I felt like I was offering up all of these little pieces of me to her, but she didn’t care.

She then asked me what I wanted for myself. I made it clear that I was happy with where I am. I have a good job that pays $75,000 a year at 35 hours a week (I had previously come from a job where 84 hour work weeks were the norm). I was also taking care of my ill father, who I lost a little over a year and a half ago. I have no career ambitions at the moment, and just wanted to focus on the things that made me happy: my hobbies, travel, and our relationship. I knew that she had very specific goals for her life, and explained that I’m flexible and want to put that energy into building a life with her.

She then said that she didn’t feel like our relationship was moving fast enough, and was concerned that we had no real plans for our future at this point. Keep in mind, this is a complete 180 from what she was saying a few months ago. I also wasn’t happy with where we were at, but I didn’t want to risk going to far too fast and scaring her off again. But I was always bringing up our future; asking her about what cities she might want to move to (she was very unsure if she wanted to stay in our current city, she was used to moving around every few years and had admitted that she was starting to feel stuck). I asked her about apartments, what neighborhoods she might want to look into if we were staying in our city, about rent budgets. I even brought up that I was working from home more so in the event we did leave our city, I could make a case to my boss that I could work from home full time. She rarely engaged with any of these. She would always say that she didn’t want to think about moving again (she had to unexpectedly move a few weeks before this), or at the worst point she said that she was waiting to see how our relationship went before she made the decision to move to another city.

I wish I explained this to her, but at this point everything was becoming too overwhelming and I was struggling to articulate my thoughts and feelings. Instead of saying all the things above about what I wanted for our future, I mumbled something about how I maybe built up our relationship too much in my mind. I was still worried about coming across too strong and scaring her off. I mean, I was very open about all of these things. I had also asked her to set the pace for the relationship after she almost left me before, but she never brought it up. I thought that if she really was ready to talk about this, we would have more solid plans already.

I asked her if we could take a break and come back to this tomorrow, I needed time to calm down and think. She said no, this needed to be addressed tonight. At this point I was completely emotionally drained, and just started crying. She stated that she felt that our communication styles were just too different, and that she had been talking about this for awhile with her friends, family and therapist. I asked her if she would consider couples counseling, but she said no. At that point she went up to my bedroom to gather the things she had at my place, said goodbye to my cats, apologized saying that she never meant to hurt me, and eft. She never really showed much emotion through the whole thing, other than mild frustration.

About a week and a half later, I was in a bad place. I wasn’t able to sleep, could barely eat, no longer felt enjoyment for any of the things I used to enjoy. (Honestly I’m still in this spot). I had seen the total solar eclipse and felt nothing, just wishing that I was with her doing our original plans of watching her favorite show while avoiding the insane crowds and traffic. So I tried smoking weed for the first time since we started dating (her mom was an addict and she asked me to quit for her, so I never smoked through our relationship). I was just hoping that I would be able to relax, actually have an appetite for once, and be able to get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Instead, it threw me into a full blown panic/anxiety attack. The crushing weight of how alone I felt, how my best friend was gone, and with her all of my hopes and dreams for the future broke me. I basically had zero plans in the short, medium, and long term that didn’t center around her. I made the mistake of trying to call her, desperate to do anything to fix things. When she didn’t, I texted her blocks and blocks of words about how sorry I was, how much I loved her and missed her, how I would do anything to fix things. I also tried to say all the things I had wanted to say about what I wanted for our future, but it just kind of came out as unhinged begging/rambling.

She responded quickly, saying that we were no longer together and haven’t been for awhile. I made her so uncomfortable and broke so many boundaries (she never said not to contact her, but I guess it was implied. Again I couldn’t get a read on what she wanted). She told me to get some help, that she never wanted to hear from or see me again and that she was blocking me.

It’s been two weeks since then. I haven’t gotten any better. I’m the kind of person that takes awhile to fall in love with someone and open up to them, but once I do I feel like I’m stuck on them forever. My last serious relationship, one where my ex was abusive, still took me almost 4 years to get over. I just wished I would have called her. For once I was actually able to anticipate what she needed but didn’t act on it.

TL;DR: Girlfriend had a bad day, but it didn’t come across as that bad via text. She wanted me to call her without her needing to ask me and gave me the silent treatment when I didn't. I wanted to call her but didn’t, misinterpreting the silent treatment as her being busy. Year long relationship down the drain a week after my 30th birthday. Then I embarrassed myself by stoned texting her begging for her back, resulting in me getting blocked.

I have a lot of trouble sleeping. So after being awake for almost 24 hours, and knowing I had an appointment the next day that I absolutely had to be awake for, I made myself a pot of nice, calming tea. It's an herbal blend that is specifically designed to help you sleep. It has 'sleepytime' right in the name. But, I'm not the greatest fan of its flavour, so I added a bag of a different (also herbal, caffeine-free) tea that I actually do like. And I remember thinking as I was putting them into the pot, 'Huh, it's strange that two bags from the same company look so different just because they're different flavours...'

Four hours of staring at my ceiling later, I remembered that time I went over to a friend's house and had packed some orange pekoe into an herbal tea box in case I wanted something hot to drink while I was there.

Absolutely could not sleep for the entire night. Managed to make my appointment, it went fine, dropped by the grocery store on my way home for a couple staples and some OTC sleeping pills, got home, and after 45 hours managed to finally pass the fuck out.

TL;DR: Drank an entire pot of caffeine right before bed. Stayed awake for 45 hours. Hated every second.

TIFU by getting chilli in my lady parts. Throw away account and caveat that this happened a feed years ago but I think I still have PTSD from it to this day. So when I (at the time F/24) first met my long term wonderful boyfriend (M/26) he was trying to be lovely, sweet and woo me by cooking me dinner. On this fated evening he decided to cook a chillie con carne and had been cutting and preparing fresh chillies and had left the mix to simmer.

Now my boyfriend loves spicy food so had decided to include some very potent fresh chillies, seeds and all.

He then washed up including his hands and we had some time to kill. We were young and newly in love or just super on heat so we decided to kill the time by a quick fumble in the bedroom. That was the first mistake. I should have not let him anywhere near me let alone his hands anywhere near my precious lady parts. To spare you the intimate details I quickly learnt that chilli can stay on a persons hands even after washing them or I maybe he hadn’t washed them properly I don’t know. All I know is that having your intimate insides burn like hells inferno is NOT fun. I was wriggling and rolling around in tears of not orgasmic joy but of burning agony. Needless to say it killed the mood and at the time I was definitely crying and I don’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry for burning his dates lady parts.

What made it even worse was that I’m allergic to milk so I couldn’t even drink that to ease the pain. I just had to ride it out and the next day get my sorry ass down to the pharmacist for some strong soothing cream.

I’m happy to report we are still going strong 5 years later and we can laugh about it now. However I do have a 12 hour ban on hanky panky time after anytime we make any spicy food.

“TL;DR: by getting chilli in my lady parts and experiencing the the worst pain imaginable”

I have been a healthy weight all my life but I recently gained weight due to medication side effects. Despite this, I try my best to live a relatively healthy lifestyle. My kids and I cycle, I swim at my gym and my work keeps me on my feet all day not to mention that I commute everyday. The weight gain has obviously knocked my confidence but I try to not let it get to me but there is a difference in how people treat me. I just try my best to ignore it and move on.

Anyways I was venting to a colleague about how money is tight right and how my wife and I skip meals to make sure the kids don't go without. He advised me to check if there is a food bank in my community as he has made use of it in the past and it was a great help to him and his family then. Friday was my day off so I made my way there.

There was a long line and I waited my turn. There were two women with a little boy who came behind me. The women were giving me dirty looks but I didn't pay them no mind until one of them said to the other that some people are disgusting and shamelessly using already limited resources meant to help the needy when it's obvious that they don't need them and that 'this guy doesn't look like he even needs the food'.

She wasn't even trying to whisper or anything, it's like she wanted me to hear her on purpose. I was so mortified that I just got out of the line and went home. I guess I should have just not let it get to me but it stung and my mind at the time assumed that that's probably what everyone else thought.

TL:DR TIFU BY not realising that struggling has a weight requirement.

TL;DR my husband created a new bumble profile after I caught him on it and his name on the app is what he wants to name our child.

I can’t turn to any family or friends. It’s going to sound really bad and that’s cause it is but part of me is indifferent. I may just be numb. I’m pregnant, my due date is literally today. I was laid off a month ago so essentially I have to find a new job when I’m ready to work again and who knows what we’ll do with childcare. My husband took on a new job that requires traveling to new locations for months at a time in preperation since allows us to be a single income family. He used to be military so we are used to having some time apart and he’s within driving distance for when I go into labor.

Backstory: When he was getting out of military 2 years ago I moved to where we were settling a month and a half before him to start new job so we would have level footing. I made friends with my seat mate on the plane and since i didn’t know anyone in the area we made plans to meet up. I messed up and let him come to our house, this was against our normal relationship boundaries but I didn’t really think about it at the moment cause we had no furniture and wasn’t our “home” yet, I was honestly just really excited to make a friend and he had a lot in common with both me and my husband. He was very upset and hurt. The fact I had so much in common with the guy made him feel very insecure. He vented to a friend who convinced him that I must have been planning to be disloyal if not already even though I had introduced them on FaceTime. Not sure exactly when but thinking I had been unfaithful along with general boredom caused him to create a bumble. He ended up sleeping with someone. He didn’t even bother wearing a condom with her. Our new beginning came with a lot of turmoil. I had to piece the whole thing together before he finally admitted his indiscretion. I considered divorce but essentially I forgave him and our relationship became solid again.

With him taking on the new job, even though I’m not working it was to close to my due date to go with him. I shared my insecurities and he reassured me that he would be loyal, is happy with me as his wife and content in our relationship.

He came for the weekend after his first week away. Insecurities got the better of me and I snooped through his phone and found bumble. I downloaded the app and logged into his profile on my phone. I was going to wait to see how he acted but confronted him instead. Essentially he apologized and said it’s for ego and boredom. I was upset but I’m pregnant and didn’t want to negatively affect the baby so I told him I didn’t like it but set ground rules. Take down the photo of him with our dog, don’t give personal details, conversations stay on app and don’t extend to any other platform or meeting up. Well 2nd week away he started chatting with a girl and told her exactly where and what he was doing for work. He also re added the photo of our dog and asked if she would like to have dinner and show him around so he can figure out where to buy a house. I confronted him and the next morning I was no longer logged in to his bumble. Later that day we talked and he said he deleted the app cause it wasn’t worth negatively effecting our relationship. He did ask if I messaged her on the app which I thought was odd so not sure what happened there. She might have unmatched him…? There were two other girls he was talking to but hadn’t gotten that far in conversation. I wanted to believe him but knew I couldn’t till I had his phone nearby to snoop again.

My husbands biggest flaw is that he will fib and try to lie his way to get out of trouble, he hates when people are angry at him due to child abuse and tells half truths if he thinks it will help the situation. He has some mental health issues the military caused and I think the stress of being completely financially responsible for our family and a new baby are getting to him. I, in theory, wouldn’t mind if occasional meaningless straying happened if it was a mutual decision, within set ground rules and he was forthcoming but that’s not the case and especially not okay while I’m growing his son. He has been the one who is adamant that monogamy is essential. Realistically it seems like he wants me to only be with him while he does what he wants.

Well he came home this weekend and I took the opportunity. I re downloaded the app and got the text code to log in. This man made a whole new profile. He is lieng about his name and decided to go with a family name we were planning on having be our son’s middle name. At this point I don’t even feel like confronting him. I want to see if he will meet up with anyone. I want to test if it’s really just boredom and ego. I think that he would take the opportunity if it presented. This man’s new profile is objectively better except for the fact that two pictures clearly show his wedding ring. He’s still using the photo of him with our dog. Also, he came home fully shaved down there. He had said that he was gonna go out with coworker the night before coming home but ended up not, his location showed that he was at the airb&b all of that night. Part of me thinks he had a date planned with someone he met from his original profile who canceled on him and them making plans is the main reason he deleted the first profile so I wouldn’t see but I couldn’t find any evidence of it.

The baby is coming any day now, I have no job, my emergency fund only covers three months of bills, we live hours away from my support system and I do not want to be a single parent. Besides from these indiscretions I have been generally happy in our marriage. I love him and don’t want to start fresh. We both have our flaws but he is kind and loving and generally a good husband. I’m angry and hurt. If he has physically cheated on me the chances of him using a condom are slim. I have time to figure out how to proceed in our relationship but not what to name our child. We’re going to be at the hospital filling out name paperwork and I’m going to be repulsed that he still wants to use the family name as the babies middle name now that it’s his alter ego. I really want to see if he breaks any boundaries now that he doesn’t know that I know he has a bumble again but that means that we will not see each other until I go into labor. Do I wait to confront him while holding our child? Do I ask him right before the baby is coming out if he’s cheated again so I know if there’s any chance of std? Do I let it go and smile through it, let his middle name be what we were planning and prepare for our potential demise? I’m just so torn and hurt that he’s created this situation right before i give birth to a little human and that he’s willing to lie and jeopardize us for random conversation and women.

So today I fucked up (well last night) I (21M) went out with a friend of mine (22F) and I fucked up, we went out for some sushi together, had a great time and ended up going to the pub together for a few too many drinks..

And we was chatting and I was talking to her about compatibility with one another (cause at this point I’d know her for 4 years) and we always get along really well whenever we hang out (and that I used to have romantic feelings for her since of which a while back drifted)

And I then said “I’ve really enjoyed our date” (which to me as an autistic person) I refer to “dates” as hanging out like “it’s a date, I’ll see you then” and a date with romantic feelings and such as a “romantic date” (with implied romantic feelings and gestures) which I which I had specified as soon as I said it but I never… and I then found out she’s in a relationship (fair play, I wish I had knew earlier but yeah)

Until we got the bus to hers and I said it again “it was nice going for a date” to which I then got the taxi back to mine (I didn’t want to stay cause it would’ve been awkward for myself and her considering she’s in a relationship)

She then texted me saying “did you actually consider this a date?? Like me and you as a couple?” So in which I was like “nah, I don’t think this is a romantic date and if it was I would’ve said so cause I call hangouts dates and romantic dates “romantic dates”

Also side note: at the time until she had told me when she texted me, I did NOT know she was in a relationship with anyone whatsoever so that was unexpected but I mean fair enough

If anyone has any idea what I could do asides what I did was texting her apologising for the fact of me calling it a date and not specifically stating that I differentiate from a romantic and non romantic date by saying as such.. I’d appreciate it a lot! Thanks!

TL;DR, I told a girl (I’m friends with) we was on a date and she took it as a romantic gesture when I didn’t intend to cause I call hanging out with friends dates and romantic dates as “romantic dates”

Ok so someone DMed me asking me if that was really me in a photo, I jokingly responded with “Yes lol if I was larping i’d use an ethot or a famous person”. After this they responded with something like “Or they’d use a cute girl, no girl responds with that” and “keep pursuing your weird kink”. So I responded with proof of me infact being a girl, which was a photo of me holding up a sign with my username and saying it was me. Well they were like “oh I don’t believe you give me more pictures” and they called me like “piglet” and “whore”. So I obviously said no because I don’t want to give some pervert content. Well they asked me for age and height so I only gave them my height (5’4 if it matters) but not my age. Well they ended up asking me if I was over eighteen which I replied with no as I am not. They then just said “Never mind” and blocked me. So uhhh is this like a weird fetish or were they just being annoying? If so what the hell kind of fetish would that even be? TL;DR I proved I was not a man and accidentally might’ve sent a weirdo photos (none explicit)

We have a family frenchie , mostly my teen sister’s, named Lucky. Now Lucky is a health complicated dog, so the vets have explained how we can fix some stuff at home. My sister woke me (24F) up from a nap saying that Lucky had paraphimosis (have fun googling that one). She had no clue when it started ;but he was crying and limping. We tried to calm him down in isolation to no avail. We began googling the exact instructions to do it at home (as the vet instructed) before taking him to the hospital. We had a 30min -1hr window before it became serious,and we live 20 mins from the nearest store. Here’s where I TIFU. I called my dad, told him the situation, and asked him if he asked any “water based lube” as google’s instructions. He paused. “Give me 5 mins.” He quietly called me over. He passed me the lube. I held it loosely while I read to much sure it was actually water based. My mom walked into the hallway and nearly screamed. I explained the situation to her and we had a back and forth as to why this was the best possible solution as to vaseline,vet rn,etc. My mom took back the lube and said she would give it to me at the last possible second. Before I put on the gloves, I remembered that I currently have medium coffin nails (the pointy ones) and could not actually do anything (thank goodness). My dad decided enough was enough (FINALLY). He put a collar on Lucky, gently picked him up, and out the door they went. … We heard the door open again. “He was so excited to get into the truck that he fixed himself.”

TL;DR: Dog had paraphimosis and was in pain. I had to ask the parents for lube. Dog ended up fixing himself because he thought he was going on an adventure. I should have just taken him to the vet right away.

Today during Kings Day, I found myself caught up in the moment, jumping around with friends and soaking in the lively atmosphere. However, in an unfortunate turn of events, I felt my elbow hit something, causing an abrupt halt to the fun. Turning around, I was met with the sight of a guy with brown curly hair wearing an orange sweatshirt, his hands cupped over his face, which then proceeded to bleed

Instantly, a wave of guilt washed over me as I realized the gravity of the situation. Apologizing profusely, I could feel the weight of responsibility for causing harm to another person during what was supposed to be a day of celebration. As he received aid and his face was wrapped up to staunch the bleeding, I couldn't shake the feeling of dread, wondering about the extent of his injuries.

Reflecting on the incident later, I couldn't help but feel a mix of regret and concern. Was his face broken? The uncertainty really got to me, and I hope that he will recover swiftly without any lasting damage. It served as a reminder of the importance of being mindful in crowded environments, where accidents can happen in the blink of an eye.

TL;DR: I fucked up by accidentally elbowing a guy in the face and possibly breaking his nose, idk who he is but if you live around Amsterdam he was wearing an orange sweatshirt, brown curly hair, and I think his name may have been "Landon" or something like that. Let me know if you know him, I want to apologize.

This happened a while ago, but I hope some of you find this story entertaining.

I found this cute pepper plant at my local garden centre that grew Golden Pot peppers. It had a picture of a cute little yellow pepper that looked like the perfect size for snacking. I happily took my plant home and showered it with love and attention and my labor paid off with tons of peppers. When I noticed the first one ripen to the same golden colour as the photo I gently plucked the fruit of my labour and excitedly ran inside to wash it off and sample my new snack. After rinsing it off I gave it a once over and excitedly took a large bite out of my tiny yellow friend. As my mouth began to feel like I had taken a bite out of Satan’s asshole my whole being filled with regret. I spit out my very large bite and as my mouth grew numb and entire body began to tingle I decided to turn to google to figure out how this tiny cute little pepper could turn into the 7 depths of hell. Apparently my cute little snacking pepper was not a cute little snacking pepper at all but came from beelzebub himself and I had in my ignorance raw dogged something meant to light the assholes of the world on fire. It took hours for my skin and mouth to stop tingling and days for my bowls to go back to normal.

TLDR: I took a large raw bite out of a very spicy pepper and immediately regretted it.

I, (18m) have been living with my family in another country for roughly two years, recently i decided to return to my home country to be with my friends and girlfriend at the time, but being the young and reckless teen that i am i decided to dive straight into adult life without a plan. Whilst my family was living it up internationally i returned to my country with nowhere to live, i was fortunate enough to have some great friends who understood my situation and empathised with me. In total i spent roughly 3 months couch surfing working 2 jobs to scrape by, but happy nonetheless, i eventually managed to secure temporary accomodation with my boss for 1 month which worked out great, anyway the time is finally coming to end so i had to find a place to live, however being 18 and not completely financially independent yet it is incredibly difficult to find rental properties. I had already booked a return trip to visit the family which aligned perfectly with the end of my accomodation situation so flew back over across the world and had a great time once again, during this time i had managed to convince my parents to buy a beachside property in my hometown, they agreed and so we ended up with a nice little property overlooking the beach, this property however, despite its location, had a lot of renovations to be done.

As you can imagine, I return to my country with an ambitious attitude and motivated mindset, with the intent not only to complete the renovations but make it look amazing too, so with the help of a friend i recruited we set out working away day and night, sometimes until 3 am, mainly standing around drinking and smoking but you know there was work getting done, sometimes. Fast forward about a week and i decided to buy a couch, then for two months i comfortably lived in a semi renovated house on the couch, at work or at the beach, my friend was also no longer to help out and i couldn't use his tools anymore so i almost stopped entirely.

During this time i split up with my girlfriend and then figured why would i stay here with no one when i could go back with my family and have everything payed for and live in another country??

With a little bit more convincing I persuaded my dad to come and help me renovate it and it could be our project, my dad and i are close but i do not see him often due to his work so i was excited for the trip, the plan was to head back overseas together, on the day my father arrived, (today), we pumped out some work as well as picking up all the materials and tools we needed so felt like a productive day.

after we had completed quite a bit of work for the day i decided to use my dads phone to scroll through social media, however as i opened it it was in safari and was on a website for escorts in the area, at first i assumed it was just an ad but upon closer inspection it became clear my dad had intentionally found it, in the post the woman listed her phone number telling her customers to contact her there, so, curious, i decide to look through his call history, at this point thinking maybe was just jerking off to the photos, totally innocent imo, anyway scrolling down i saw the same number as the one listed in the ad and have since gone on to obtain screenshots of his bank transfers as well as any other evidence i could find, i am typing this up very crossfaded, sort of feeling furious and sad at the same time, the way my fathers job works will not allow my parents to separate quite so simply, additionally, moving across the world is great don't get me wrong however it comes with its downsides, my mum has had to pack up her life, her businesses, her career in order to move around the world with her husband, meaning she has almost nothing of her own to fall back on if they were to break up, i am typing this post, (my first ever post on reddit) contemplating how im going to confront the situation with my options ranging from catching him off guard and beating the shit out of him (quite difficult as he is 6 ft 2", 90kgs and military trained), pissing on him (again quite difficult), to trying to have a proper conversation without losing my shit, and just directly confronting him. i am unsure what one should do in this situation which is why i have turned to the last resort of reddit for an answer.

on the one hand i don't want to split up my parents marriage and will definitely be blackmailing the fuck out of my dad, but am considering "turning a blind eye" if you will.

On the other hand however i cant bare to see mum get cheated on obliviously as it would break her heart if she knew, so i cant bring myself to tell her.

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TLDR: checked my dads phone, found out he has been cheating, unsure what to do.

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This happened over 10 years ago. I am an immigrant from West Africa in the US and yes, I am black (you may understand why I am specifying the obvious here). In the first few weeks of high school, basically not long after I arrived (I was a sophomore), we were reading an unedited version of Huckleberry Finn with people being chosen at random to read out loud. When I am picked, I get to reading a few paragraphs and when I get to it, I say the N-word with my full chest, “hard r” and everything. I can’t recall now but I must’ve said it 4 or 5 times. After I was done reading my assigned section, the teacher spoke up, and while I can’t remember what he said exactly, it was to the effect of us not saying the word if it was your turn, but he said so in an implied manner.

Looking back on it, I can sort of now retroactively feel the tension and uneasiness in the classroom. Also right before me, the guy reading would simply say “the man” instead of the N-word whenever it came up. I thought this was weird but again, NO context of what the word meant in this country! And to set the scene more clearly, this was in West Texas. There were LITERALLY only 12 black students in a high school of maybe well over 1200 during that first year. I might be overthinking the significance of the whole thing, but I am pretty sure at least a few of the students in that class would definitely remember this incident if they came across this post. I made a whole burner for this post just in case lmao.

To end it, I’ll say the life of an immigrant, even just culturally, can be a whole mind-fuck. To be dropped into a whole new environment, especially the US, with its diverse population and diverse mini-cultures from state to state, on top of some very interesting history, is tough work. I sympathize with those who had to do it in their teenage years, still in that stage of being self-conscious and having self-image thoughts rattling around in your head. And I do not envy those who come to it in their later years, especially those who are dropped directly into working environments.

TL;DR Being an immigrant, I had no idea of the history and the modern-day weight behind the N-word in the US. When I was called on to read Huckleberry Finn out loud in class, I said it 4 or 5 times and with a “hard r.”

Obligatory this happened a couple of years ago, but I just remembered it today when talking with some friends and I started to feel bad again. This is a longish one, so buckle up

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So, back in HS I did Judo. I actually got all the way up to 3rd Degree Brown, but I had to leave from college and then my Dojo fell apart after that due to some extraneous drama, but thats besides the point. While I was there, I competed in some tournaments and did okay, nothing special, but of course that meant that we had to train before hand. Tournaments where generally pretty big things at my dojo, because a majority of people competed so pretty much everyone knew they had to ramp up the intensity of training and technique.

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Now, I am a pretty big dude. I am 6'4'', 250ish pounds, and while I am not jacked, I am still a pretty healthy and strong dude. My arsenal of throws and pins where designed around exploiting my height, weight and arm length advantage because I am larger then 99% of the Population. This also meant that when I spar with other people, I will tone things down because taking a fall from my height and with my full strength and speed behind it rough to say the least. I never went 100% when i was training, because it would serve no purpose and it would only hurt my partner which is against one of the fundamental tenets of judo itself, besides being a completely dick move.

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Now when it comes to tournaments, my dojo had a framework schedule that worked well. 2 weeks beforehand, we did all of our high octane training, and the week before it was drilling technique and gripping, that way nobody got hurt. This instance was the former this time, and of course we where going full octane. This day was warmup > 2 straight hours of high intensity sparring. Now in a tournament and of course during this sparring, when you throw someone you follow through into a pin. This is a pretty rough movement because you throw someone and you essentially roll into the pin and all your weight is suddenly on them.

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It was the last round of the night, I was beyond tired, beyond sweaty and beyond dehydrated (I drink a lot of water) and I was planning on sitting out because I was starting to get a bit dizzy, but a girl came up to ask me to spar. She was short, about 5'4'' and weighed much less then me. She was also preparing for the tournament, but she had never asked me to spar because there was no point. She would be in a different gender and weight class and she would never even spar with anyone close to my weight or height. I really did not want to do it, but I figured that it was the last round, I could power through the pain and dizziness and I would go at like 70% so I wouldn't destroy her. Turns out that my doziness and dehydration did not like that, because i ended up going way less then 70%. I was mostly just dominating her with my gripping and trying not to get thrown while she was going super aggressive on me. And she did not like that at all. She thought I was babying her because she was smaller and because she was a girl, to the point where she whispered to me, "Treat me like any other guy here, and put some muscle into it".

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Now this is anyway a stupid philosophy, but I decided to accommodate her and while balancing my dizziness and dehydration I slowly ramped up to 70% like I tried to before and I honestly managed to do it. And then came the coup de grace. It was halfway through the round, and she left herself open, and I swear to god I had the greatest opening, and the most beautiful throw ever. I fit in, and found her resisting, so I put a bit more force into it so I could at least try to get the throw in. Unfortunately, at the same time as I put more force in, she stopped resisting, so it was the equivalent of putting 100% of my power and speed in, and of course the throw went through. Normally this would not be that bad, but I also lost my balance because I was surprised and this series of events, and so I rolled into a pin, lest I fall flat onto my face. When I landed, all I heard was this loud CRACK sound, and cries of pain from this girl. I instantly felt so bad, and got up immediately, and she was struggling to get up while crying now, and I knew this was a bad. And then it almost got worse, because one of the people in the other group swept their partner, who was set to land right on top of us. I didn't want them to land on her, so I put myself between them and tried to grab them and brace, and while it did stop them from rolling onto the girl, his head snapped backwards into my nose, nearly breaking it.

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By this point, my Sensei has seen what happened, and we walk this girl off the mat, while I am bleeding all over the place from my nose. The class was over from there, and I stayed behind to help clean up all the blood and also to see if the girl was okay. The TL;DR is that she had more then a handful of cracked ribs, some close to broken, and was knocked out of the tournament before it began. My nose was not broken but it was close, and I ended up losing all of my matches at the tournament anyway. I felt so bad afterwards, and was apologizing up the Yin Yang, but at the end of the day everyone there knew that injuries will happen in combat sports. Doesn't stop me from feeling bad though.

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TL;DR Nearly broke a girl's ribs unintentionally, and knocked her out of a tournament before it started.

A month ago I 20F ended a 3 years relationship. I was tired of her 20F bullshit and breaking up with me over stupid things. Everyone saw how much she made me cry. I put up with her because she was my first love. Life is too short for this bullshit. We ended things.

Two weeks ago I met a girl 18F at my birthday. She is my best friend’s cousin and she came back to her hometown for 3 weeks. Since the moment i saw her i felt something i never felt with anyone. Long story short she was flirty. She was dancing seductively then she began being very touchy and i got excited🤭 and what made things worse she was flirting with me. I flirted back.

At some point things escalated and we kissed. Before she kissed me though she said “Don’t get attached we are just having fun”. I told her “Don’t worry about that” even though i was already getting attached. We kissed. We made out. We kept going for a while then things got more… well. We just gave each other hints that we will do it.

We sent and reposted tiktoks that resonated with each other. She told me i made her feel things she never felt before. Not even with her ex who she lost her virginity. I told her that i too never felt like that. I got jealous of her ex boyfriend. The fact that they had sex a month ago made me feel so jealous i cried. She reassured me she is over him and told me not to cry over her.

The other day we were flirty and touchy. We almost had sex but her brother came and i pretended to gossip with her about what things my friend told me so we won’t be suspicious(if they find out we are into women we are dead).

So today… well it’s yesterday now.. anyways we were at her place and no one interrupted us. We had sex(i wont give details, you weirdos). I made the stupid mistake by asking her “What are we?”. She looked at me weird and said something like “I told you since day 1 that we are just having fun. I told you not to get attached. Please don’t tell me that you got attached.” and i told her that she ruined everything the moment she kissed me. She said she had such a feeling.

She told me something that broke me and made me sob like a baby. She said “Look you’re cool, amazing and I like you but i like you as a friend.” after that she hugged me. Things happened and we did it again. It’s been 7 hours and she is flirting with me. I know i act clingy but she doesn’t have to remind me that i need to stop getting more attached. It’s so awkward. But i can’t stay away from her. She is in my head 25/8. I can’t sleep without dreaming about her.

Tl;dr: I fell for my situationship after she told me not to. Even though i knew we were having fun after we had sex i asked her what are we and she friendzoned me. Now we are still flirting but sometimes she is telling me to stop because i am getting more attached but i fear i am far too gone.

So one day it was just a normal day I was in class minding my own business then my friend Mari tapped me on the shoulder and said hey you want some gum and I said sure what kind and she said double bubble bubble gum and I love double bubble because of the huge bubbles it makes so I said of course so I started chewing and about ten ish minutes until it was soft and it is class it is boring so I decided to blow some bubbles the first few were small so I shrugged if off I was luck though because I was in the back of the class and my next bubble was huge it was bigger than my head and Mari had to say out loud AMY THAT BUBBLE IS HUGE and I am a sorta shy person but right when Mari said that the whole class turned around and they were in shock I kept blowing and blowing until pop the gum got all over me and I couldn't get it off so I had to go to the bathroom and wash it off I was so embarrassed has any of this happens to you if so share you bubblegum fail in the comments also what is your favorite bubblegum? TL;DR:to sum this up I blew a big bubblegum in class. I was embarrassed.

This happened about 7 years ago. My friends and I (Julio, Mike, and James) were on our way to a 4-day concert which was about 3 hours away. Now they way we operate is everyone except the driver gets to drink the whole way and the driver plays catch up later

So Julio decides he's driving and he drives a coupe, first one to call shotgun gets it because you have to respect the call. James ends up seeing Julio's car first so he gets shotgun. Mike and I agree, I choose to sit behind James and Mike behind Julio. We're off

We stop to get those big 30oz Styrofoam cups from a gas station, fill them about half way and then fill the rest with liquor once in the car. We start our road trip, mind you we are all sober at this point

So we're blasting music, windows down, drinking and having a great time enjoying the summer weather. About 2 hours in we can tell James is pretty drunk, slurring his words and fading in and out of consciousness. We ask if he's good, he murmurs, and very stupidly, we're like dope

Mike and I are also drunk, I still have shades on from when it was daylight. James is slumped over with his head out the window. We all think he's asleep. I see James move quickly in the side mirror and as I turn my head that direction to ask what's up I get blasted with hot liquid

I was confused as to why my face is burning so instinctively I want to get it off so I remove the shades to figure out wtf just hit me. Bad move. 2nd wave of acid lands in my open eye sockets and at the same time the smell hits us. I immediately realize James threw up all over my face and in my eyes. Mike got some on his shirt/face but not as bad. I yell at Julio to find somewhere to pull over and that I can't fucking see. Hot throw up your eyes makes you cry btw

We find a Dollar General off this road and drive straight to the dumpster. I get out with assistance from Mike and Julio while James makes sure he's 'empty'. I take my current shirt off and rub the back part on my face to try and see. Mike hands me one of his because you know, no shoes, no shirt, no service. I takeoff inside partially blind to wash this hellfire from my cornea. I walk in smelling like death, with tears running down my face. I'm laser focused b-lining for the restroom

I get there and bam! "Out of order." Go figure. Now I'm like wtf do I do now? Squinting my way through the aisles I find cleaning supplies so I'm like bingo! Drunk me didn't think to look for baby wipes. I find Clorox wipes because it kills germs, and I want to cleanse this spicy smoothie from my soul. I get out of the store and start wiping my face. Now I was already crying from the throw up but it got so much worse when the Clorox hit. I look insane. I smell like puke with it on my face/head/neck, I'm crying profusely, and I'm scrubbing my face with Clorox wipes next to a dumpster

10 minutes, a couple water bottles, instant sobriety, and a bucket of tears later I can now see and my eyes still throb but I'm good. James says he didn't do anything wrong because he "leaned out the window." It's a coupe which have long windows, he leaned out the front corner so it went out and back in, in an instant. We clean up the best we could and trekked the final hour.

It ended up being a great 4 day event even though my vision was distorted for a couple days.

TL;DR Went on a road trip, friend threw up in my eyes, and I thought it'd be a good idea to clean it with Clorox Wipes. Resulted in poor vision for a few days.

Hey Reddit, gotta come clean about something dumb I did. We've all seen those "boost your engagement" articles, right? Clickbait titles, SEO magic...well, this weekend I fell for one promising "AI-powered Reddit posts that go viral!"

Thinking I was a genius, I fed this AI thingy a prompt for a funny story in the r/TalesFromRetail subreddit. Seemed legit at first - it whipped up a post about a customer trying to return a live lobster (apparently AI thinks all retail workers deal with exotic seafood?). Feeling smug, I hit post.

...Fast forward ten minutes. My inbox is on fire. People are cracking up, but not for the reasons I'd hoped. Turns out, the AI decided to sprinkle in some motivational jargon at the very end. My post concluded with the customer triumphantly leaving the store with the lobster, yelling, "WE DID IT, CHAMP! WE BEAT THE SYSTEM!"

Let me tell you, the mental image of a disgruntled shopper high-fiving a confused crustacean had Reddit DYING. Needless to say, I came clean in the comments (gotta own up to your mistakes, right?) and the whole thing just snowballed into glorious chaos.

Lesson learned: AI might be fancy, but it doesn't understand the finer points of internet humor. Also, maybe skip the "beat the system" life advice for disgruntled lobster customers.

So yeah, that's my epic fail. At least I got a good laugh (and hopefully you did too) out of it. Don't be like me, folks. Keep it real, and maybe lay off the AI-generated Reddit posts for a while.

TL;DR: Tried to cheat the system with an AI-written post. Ended up with a motivational lobster and a hilarious internet roast. Don't be me. . . . .

REAL TL;DR: I got irritated by all the obvious AI posts on here and asked Googles Gemini to write this.

Okay so this started three days ago; but the TIFU part was today. I used this Mexican brand CBD (90mg) cream called Mariguanol; and it lists the following ingredients: “Isopropyl alcohol , hidroxido de amonio, carbopol 940, hidroxido de sodio, azul brillante, sulfato de magnesio, L-mentol cristal, sulfato de cobre, 2-isopropyl-5-mentilfenol” The notable ones translate as such:

• Isopropyl alcohol
• Ammonium hydroxide
• Carbopol 940
• Sodium hydroxide
• Brilliant blue
• Magnesium sulfate
• Menthol crystal
• Copper sulfate
• 2-isopropyl-5-methylphenol

Anyways, my dick burned a shit ton for 5 minutes. 5 minutes later it felt pretty good, it has 90mg of CBD. What does my dumbass do? I put more, but just on the dorsal area (surface of the penis if you look down on it standing up). Burns again; I wash it off after 20 seconds. Didn’t want to risk anything bad.

Too late. For two days I didn’t notice anything wrong with my dick; I hadn’t even applied it beyond those two times; until today I woke up and it has red scarring on top of sorta of dry rough looking skin, even my balls looks extra wrinkly and sort of rough looking (yeah I applied some there too.) I put on some lotion with propylene glycol and then slathered a bunch of aquaphor on top.

Fuck me, wish me luck. I just started dating this new chick too. Fuuuuuuuck

TL;DR: Put some harsh chemicals on my dick thinking it was just some safe CBD cream which ended up giving me some chemical burn marks some days later for some reason.

My (18F) parents and sister (8F) had gone out somewhere, so I thought I have plenty of time to get some alone time. I didn't bother closing the room door because I thought I'd hear the main door open when they come in. Nope. I'm splayed out on my bed, hands in my pants, eyes closed and eveything when I notice my door ajar. My sister was peeking inside. She couldn't have NOT noticed my hands in there moving vigorously. I am so fucked. I'm so scared that she'll tell our parents, or worse how it'll affect her psyche. My family including me have tried really hard not to expose her to this kind of stuff so early. What do I do now😭😭😭 I feel like a terrible older sister. She's 8 so I really doubt she won't remember it.

TL;DR: Sister caught me masturbating. Now thoroughly fucked and wracked with guilt.

EDIT: Told my mom about what happened. She reassured me and said basically what a lot of the comments have said (It wouldn't impact her, just be more careful etc) and I feel a lot better. She said my sister seems completely normal and fine and doesn't seem to have registered what she saw/thought I was sleeping. I really hope that's the case, and I'm so glad to have my mom :') Thank you to everyone who said I should tell her, I think we'll be fine...

So I just moved out on my own for the first time and don't currently have a job. Rent isn't to bad and I have a savings till I get one but it's enough that I was trying to be more frugal with my groceries. As I'm sure everyone know any even vaguely decent protein is expensive as all hell. Enter stage right: Bologna.

I thought to my self, wow this is definitely not the healthiest but at least I'm getting protein and it's only 1$! So I got 2 packs, a few weeks later I'm out again getting cat food and decide to pick up 2 more packs. Here I am, not an hour ago, monching my 3rd pack thinking wow the skin is so tough on these wonder what it's actually made of.

Plastic.

PLASTIC!

They are made of goddamn plastic. I know some aren't but from everything I could find the bright red ring around my yummy protein circle was straight up PLASTIC!

Who needs microplastics when you can just straight up eat the whole thing :/.

TL;DR: I thought cheap Bologna was great, proceed to eat roughly 35 rings of straight up plastic before thinking to Google it

I'm 24F, my bf is 36M and my coworker is 48F. I work in a deli, but our hot-case shorted out so we aren't cooking any food just slicing meat. So it's been boring and we spend most of the day just chatting or deep cleaning. My coworker is a dog mama and I'm a cat mama so we often show each other pics/videos of our pets.

I don't usually take nudes, actually my boyfriend has never received a nude from me other than a pic of something else where maybe my naked body is visible in a reflection or something, I always get shy and DELETE attempted nudes. The other night I was a little wine buzzy and he asked for a pic before my bath, so I try to pose and take a mirror pic but couldn't work myself up to send it. Apparently I forgot to delete the photo.

So I'm at work today and wanted to show my coworker a funny pic of my cat and was scrolling through my photos while she watched, which is NORMALLY SAFE. Scrolled right past a photo of my cat I sent my boyfriend where my whole ass nipple is visible in the corner of the screen. It's blurry but very obviously a nipple on a boob. My face is so red and I just keep scrolling for the cat photo until I pass the NUDE I forgot to delete!!! My naked body, center screen, tits out, bush bushing.

My coworker didn't say anything but she stopped moving or breathing completely and I just said "idk I can't find the picture, crazy how you can never find the one picture you're looking for right?" 😭 Oh my god I am mortified. I don't even want to show up to work tomorrow.

TL;DR forgot to delete an attempted nude & pic of my cat where my nipple was visible, scrolled through photos in front of coworker and she definitely knows exactly what my nipples and bush look like now.

So this is more of a little anecdote than anything else but I found it funny non the less.

A few weeks ago a good friend and I had been invited to a birthday. Since we don't get to spend as much time together as we used to, we decided to meet up a few hours before the party, buy a gift together and grab something to eat in advance.

So we met up got the gift and decided to eat at a local restaurant. I did not intend to get drunk before the party but the moment my friend ordered a large beer while talking about stuff we did years ago, the nostalgia got the better of me and I too ordered beer. As it goes, one beer became two, two became three and so on. About 2 hours later we realised that we had to go, if we didn't want to be late, so we paid and started to walk through the city towards the pub where the birthday party was supposed to take place.

As we passed through a park I got distracted from our conversation by the incredibly loud chirping of what must have been about 100 birds, all sitting on a big old tree.

Since drunken me had just recently learned to whistle really loud (the way PE-teachers to with 2 fingers) and was still very fascinated by that ability, drunken me decided to fight chirping with whistling.

So I told my friend to cover his ears and unleashed a whistle that would make my old PE-Teacher proud.

The birds went dead silent in an instant and I was pround to have beaten nature. The thing I wasn't expecting, was that birds are resentful little creatures.

My friend and I continued our way but about 20 seconds after my whistle, the birds started to fly Back and forth above our heads and did what birds do best. They literally shit-bombed us.

For a moment we didn't realise what was going on but soon realised and started to run for our life's since its been a sunny day and non of US carryed a umbrella or at least had hoods to cover our heads.

The bird continued following and bombing us for about 10 minutes when we finally reached a bus station to take cover in and waited another 5 minutes before leaving.

Needless to say, when we arrived at the party we had to answer quite a few questions.

tldr: Got drunk, tried to shut up loud birds by whistling loudly, arrived at a party covered in bird shit.

Okay, so this didn’t happen today, however I felt this is a story that a few people may get a chuckle out of!

So, this happened a few years ago during my so called “self exploration” phase, as my parents coined it. Anyways, I was at the point that my Five Fingers duked it out against Willy any chance I could get. Whether this be before the shower, before bed, or in the few minutes I could find to have some alone time. I beat the monkey A LOT. Anyways, the lotion supply was running into the noticeably low range so I decided something had to be done. This is where the fuck up begins.

While, I may have done it a lot, I was desperate for more, like a addict looking for their next fix, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Well… truth be told Willy decided for me that I couldn’t wait for a lotion resupply we could skim off the top of anymore, and instead that I should begin the fallout protocol. See, my family had a little container filled with all kinds of tropical ointments saved over the years, and being the bright minded teenager I was decided “yeah we can use that!” This bin had anything from antibiotics to anti-inflammatory, basically a melting pot for years of health issues. The bin worked great for a while seeing as no one used it but me, and nobody had a recollection of anything in it either! It was a real Win-Win. At least I thought... This particular day I had run out of the usual tube and decided to go digging. Firmly nestled at the bottom was a metal tube. The tube was filled with a clear thick ointment. The magnum opus. Spreading this over my hand I started burping the worm like I never had before, this stuff was magical it truly felt like it wasn’t me.

Then, it begun. My little buddy began feeling different, a bit tingly. The feeling spread onto my hand as well. Eventually I couldn’t event feel my fingers it was so strong. I began panicking like a lost dog looking for shelter I paced back and forth debating if I should tell my parents we had an issue with my super trooper, but no one could know I did this unsavory act. Panicking I raided the bin again looking for the tube I used, eventually finding it and doing some research while dreading the following conversation. The magic mirror revealed that what I held was no regular tube… but a tube of 5% Lidocaine. For those of you unfamiliar I had just slathered my junk in numbing cream, and not regular stuff, the good stuff that you save for when regular stuff don’t work. Yeah, I was panicking big time. Even after more self debate I decided we’ll ride the wave till salvation comes.

Salvation did come. After several hours of feeling as if my little man was now a foreign invader looking for oil and my hand being the ever faithful companion to them. This was the day that I decided to use lotion like a normal person, you know, so my Willy would never be numb anymore.

TL:DR: I ran out of lotion and decided to use whatever concoction I could find in the ointment bin. This resulted in me slapping the sergeant using lidocaine and not feeling him for a several hours.