For me, the most dominant tenet of the red-pill/black-pill school of thought was the 80/20 rule; the idea that, at least when it comes down to casual sex and pure physical attraction, that 80% of women go for the top 20% of men.

To me, this was the tenet that was the most impactful; I simply gave up on dating for a number of years because of this belief. I cannot remember the last time I approached a woman and tried to talk to her in the context of trying to cultivate a romantic/sexual connection. I came to believe that women were only truly physically attracted to a handful of men, and that the raw physical attraction that women have is only reserved for a select few men. I came to believe that the glamorous world of hookups, FWB's, flings, etc, were simply out of reach for an average-at-best looking guy like me.

I never had any resentment towards women because of this belief, nor did I have any jealousy towards the supposed top 20% of men. I simply shrugged my shoulders, swallowed my feelings of inadequacy, accepted my "fate" in this supposed hierarchy, and decided to be content with porn and my right hand. I chose to view the 80/20 rule as simply a fact of life, like gravity, and move on. I never devolved into the antisocial, society-hating, borderline psychotic lifestyle of the incels. I would also like to note that little else of the red-pill dogma ever really impacted me; I have never cared about a woman's "body count", or her age, or the other superficial ways that the red-pill tends to judge women.

The 80/20 rule seems to be fairly prominent in spaces even outside the red-pill domain. Quite a few feminists, for example, seem to parrot this theory; unlike their red-pill/black-pill counterparts, they view this as a good thing rather than bemoaning it. Many evolutionary psychologists parrot some version of this theory as well, and view it merely as an unavoidable fact of nature, something that is neither a good or bad thing, but simply the law of male and female mating.

Another closely related theory prominent in the red-pill space is the "dual-mating strategy" theory; the idea that women solely seek out the top 20% of men to satisfy their raw sexual desires during their younger (18-30) years, and that, once they hit a certain age and are looking for a long term relationship, decide to "settle" with an average looking man who can provide them with some level of financial stability (assuming that they are unable to land one of the top 20% of men for a long term relationship). In these relationships, according to the red pill, the women have no real sexual attraction to the men they are with; rather, they simply trade sex with them in exchange for financial stability and a roof over their head. The sex is effectively contractual; the "relationship" is little more than prostitution.

Because of this theory, I never tried to get into a long term relationship. The idea of being the "safe option" for someone is not flattering, to say the least.

Even if I didn't believe this theory though, I don't want to get into a long term relationship. I don't want to get into something long term simply as a last resort to getting laid; if I were ever to get into a long-term relationship with someone, I would want it to be because I truly love them and choose to be with them, even if I could sleep around with other women. In my opinion, choosing a sole partner even when you have the option of sleeping around with others is true love, and is the true test of loyalty in a relationship.

I have come here today to ask you all two questions:

1. Is the 80/20 theory true?

It seems that the red-pill advocates have an endless supply of studies which prove their beliefs, and a lot of these studies are pretty convincing. Evolutionary psychologists also have a lot of study and data behind them to prove this theory.

Are there any studies that disprove the 80/20 rule? Are there any well known dating coaches/sexologists/researchers who have disproven the 80/20 rule?

2) Assuming that the 80/20 rule is true, what do I do next?

If the 80/20 rule is true, as I am very inclined to believe it is, what are my next steps, in terms of sex and dating?

As I mentioned before, I am NOT ready to get into a long term relationship. A long term relationship, in my opinion, is supposed to be for people who choose to be with each other even if they have the option to sleep around. Ideally, the people who seek out something long term are those who have gotten all of their hookups and flings out of their system, in a manner of speaking. As you can probably guess, I am not one of those people. The idea of getting into a long term relationship simply as a last resort to get laid and not be alone disgusts me, to tell you the truth. The hypothetical woman in this "relationship" would deserve better. She would deserve much better. And if I were in such a relationship, all I would be asking myself most of the time would be "Am I truly loyal to this woman, or am I only loyal to her because she's my only available option?".

So if I cannot be in a long term relationship, and if casual encounters are out of reach for me, what are my next steps? What should my outlook towards sex and dating be?

I stumbled upon this episode of “Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel.” Although both Esther and the caller seem unaware of the Red Pill connection, listening to this episode could be very helpful for women with Red Pilled partners.

Listen — https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/if-hes-a-high-value-man-what-am-i

Episode description — Esther talks to a woman who, despite her best efforts, finds herself implicated in the same toxic cycle of abuse from her partner that she grew up watching between her parents. Rationally, she knows she deserves better, but just can't seem to get out from under this painful repetition of events. Esther talks her through why she thinks she finds herself back here time and time again.

The frequent assertion that lesbian relationships have the highest rate of domestic violence is deliberate obfuscation of data.

You will often see this point made, especially in this sub, and usually by men who are trying to demonstrate that women perpetrate intimate partner violence at a higher rate than men. However that conclusion is absolutely false if you actually look at the data and what it says. Here is the most recent data on the subject:

https://bjs.ojp.gov/content/pub/pdf/vvsogi1720.pdf

While lesbians have a higher frequency than people who identify as heterosexual the highest group is now people who identify as bisexual who experience IPV at around 19 times the rate of heterosexuals. Now here is the really important thing: the data collected is about lifetime experiences and not current relationships. If you look at the methodology they are talking about the percentage of lesbians who have experienced domestic violence from current partners, former partners or family members.

Obviously women who have experienced severe violence from male partners or family members are likely to avoid dating men in the future due to the trauma of these experiences and that would account for the statistically higher number. Unfortunately I couldn’t find any information in this current data on sex of perpetrators so for this next bit I have to use data from the Wikipedia page on “Domestic Violence and Sexual Orientation” that is sourced from an older 2010 CDC survey.

The 2010 data shows 43% of lesbians and 35% of heterosexual women reporting intimate partner violence so at first glance it would seem like lesbian relationships have higher rates of domestic violence. However this data does refer to sex of perpetrator. It says that 67% of lesbians reporting IPV also report a female perpetrator. 67% of 43 is 30 so you can see that 30% of lesbians report being abused by women. As the rate for heterosexual women with male perpetrators is 35% you can see that lesbian relationships have lower rates of domestic violence than heterosexual ones.

Another common assertion is that while lesbian relationships have the highest rate male homosexual relationships have the lowest rates. Looking once again at the 2010 data it says that lesbians are most likely to report minor incidences such as pushing and slapping. If the reported incidents are adjusted for severity the finding was that there was no statistical difference in domestic violence between lesbian and homosexual male relationships.

I can link the page that this information is from in the comments but it should also be very easy to find. If anybody has actual data, and not pieces of writing extrapolated from data, that contradicts anything I’m saying I’d be happy to look at it. From all the data I’ve seen the assertion that women commit domestic violence against other women at the highest rate is false.

Over the last 2-3 months, I've noticed that the more right-leaning commenters on all sorts of relationship advice posts will say that a man's role is to "protect and provide." In those exact words.

Then the other day I saw it used by a polyamorous gay man, and I was like, how did it filter there from the right wing? Lol.

I've tried asking a few of the commenters where they heard the phrase, and they instead derail by saying "well akshually that's been men's role since caveman days wharglbargl."

But that's not what I'm asking! I mean the exact wording itself. What YouTuber (or whatever) said this phrase a couple of months ago and set off all of manosphere-Reddit to saying it verbatim like NPCs? This sub seems like a place where someone might (a) know and (b) understand what I'm asking and not derail it, lol.

Is the term “pick me” over used?

I’ve seen it used as an insult like simp. A pick me is a term used for “women that bring down other women for male attention” which I understand but if a woman seems to just say something that is helpful or benefits a man she is a pick me. Such as a woman cooking for her boyfriend she will be called a pick me?

Considering how much women shit talk covertly and snake each other all the time ex:sleeping with best friends boyfriend or exes. Is the term pick me a cope for mentally healthy women that have a positive outlook towards me?

https://imgur.com/a/GY8Jqxv

TL;DR summary of salient points, please keep in mind these are direct quotes, not hyperbole. Highlights include but are not limited to:

“We’re mostly christian”… “our fathers participated in slavery.”

Western man is the “hero of the slave trade” for abolishing it.

Cheers to housewives who create human life.

Cheers to guns.

Settle disputes in “Sharia court”

There is a secret handshake (and you don’t get to know it).

They have a literal anthem, many of the lyrics of which revolve around making ones “ma” proud, being a “late bloomer” and “slow for my age.”

“We don’t except trans men because they aren’t ‘boys.’” Verbatim, with that typo.

To earn your second degree of proudness you must list 5 different breakfast cereals while proud boys “pound” you, beat you up. “Shots to the head and below the belt are discouraged but not against the rules.” Then you receive a hug.

“A Proud Boy may not ejaculate alone more than once every thirty days… no pornography… and if he needs to ejaculate it must be within one yard of a woman with her consent… she may not be a prostitute… this is our religion.”

To earn your third degree of proudness you must get the words “proud boys” tattooed on your body, in a suggested font.

“Women tend to assume “chauvinist” means “sexist” but it really means “displaying aggressive or exaggerated patriotism.”

We disavow Nazis… and racists.”

“We allow weak, beta-male virgins to join because our fraternity is about helping men improve their lives and that includes all men.”

“Give everyone a gun… good guys need them too.”

“Legalize drugs… prisons will lose their best customers.”

“End welfare… stop rewarding single mothers for leaving their husbands.”

“Close the borders… we need to build a wall and encourage assimilation.”

“Outlaw censorship… this is arguably our most important cause.”

“Venerate the housewife… put a ring on it and knock her up… housewives are sentient beings.”

“The West is the Best… This is just a hate fact. America was it stolen from the Indians and it was not built on slavery… We fought hard to be #1 and we won… all other cultures are worse than us.”

“Shut down the government… we have no respect for the institutions that rob us.”

“There has been a lot of talk about whether Muslims should be allowed in. The elders have not settled this.”

“Fedoras are banned.”

But hey, at least they take gay folks.