Hey guys,

I need to stop drinking due to health reason (I got an autoimmune disease) and I really struggle with first dates when I stay sober. Normally, if we match somewhat in vibes, the alcohol will normally lead to having fun, being more relaxed and ultimately to physical escalation. Now without alcohol, it's increasingly difficult to have a good first date ending in at least a kiss.

I don't think that it's related to my behavior single handedly, as I am still able to talk normal, flirt, be funny. I am at a point where I have so many dates that I don't feel any nervous energy at all. Its just alcohol as a social lubricant that's so powerful, especially for girls who tend to be way more anxious and reserved.

Has anyone here became sober too and discovered some tipps and tricks to make first dates fun without alcohol?

attractive men, why can't you get laid (or settle down, get a family, etc). I love that question. It's not asked enough, or answered deeply enough. For me nothing ever is. For me I want every possible thing enumerated in as much detail as possible. That's just my mind. Maybe it's an INTP thing in part. Who knows.

But for me I think in a word, I think few things sum up so much in this game than the word and concept of investment.

Investment applies to you, it applies to her. You want to make her invested right? I assume this is a male to female board but the same would apply in reverse. I also don't like being too technical with words to describe dating and investment is getting borderline depending on usage. I don't like to engineer anything and be creepy. I just like to describe what is, what happens and to debug thing when they don't work, otherwise try to be natural and be a decent human being.

But investment has been my bane. If you invest prematurely, you are off sync with the investment timeline that has to happen, and you lose control of yourself. Not in any major way. You may behave as a perfect gentleman and have impeccable manners and honor, but you bleed something all the same- microexpressions or signals or whatever.

There is an investment timeline. Not that you have to think about it but it has to be satisfied.

When she gets invested, everything gets easier.

Sometimes there is a lock, like a life lock on your heart that messes with you, closes you down to different things (good women). I'm not trying to be too sentimental but this is a fact.

I just think we have to take investment (emotional investment) in a thing as serious as we do our financial investment, and also consider like we do their the concept of risk, which is real. Courage is great, but it is not exactly the same thing as putting your life savings on the roulette wheel. Don't let anyone shame you for assessing risk. Fools rush in.

I believe attractive men don't get laid or get wives because of malinvestment. Either they are overinvested, their desired ones are underinvested, they are off on their investment timeline or they are just plain locked for whatever reason and their hearts are closed off in a way to new connection. Maybe they have been since life, since childhood. That doesn't mean they can't be opened - and I recommend parts work and just plain writing and journaling (you'd be amazed at what that can do and what that can pull up and unlock) but I think that's the main thing, and I hear nobody in real life every say much about the concept of investment. Maybe after the fact they might, like "dude bro you're way too invested in her" but it is always too little too late for such a powerful idea. It comes from the heart, primarily. Sometimes you have to be conscious, of both her and your investment. Conscious and honest. Then you can be a man, a full bodied man.. it seems like and then living and relating really start in earnest.

Those are just my thoughts, my 25 cents due to inflation.

I know people will say "just be normal" or "just have a conversation" but I don't think it's that easy.

Most people can naturally start conversations when they have something to comment on...like, you like someone's t-shirt or you both witness something that can be used as a conversation starter. But when you have nothing to go on, how do you start an interaction naturally?

I think this is also why I see a lot of accounts for this that just default to "hey you're beautiful," "what's your name" or canned lines, because it's hard to start a conversation in a genuine, natural-seeming way.

So what are some good resources to actually learn cold approach naturally and not do the corny stuff?

I see a lot of guys defining themselves late bloomers. Let me tell you a secret. Every woman desires an Alpha Badass Charming guy, leader of men, blessing of women, that for some obscure reason decides to ignore the other thousands of women wanting him and to be faithful to her only. When the woman ages up, she realizes this dream is delusional: she probably managed to get into the sheets of the ABC guy, but surprise! he's having sex with lots of women! How rude of him. So the woman gets burned, and lower her standards to find emotional security, and she suddenly notices there are many more men on the earth than she had ever thought. So no my friend, you're not blooming, it's her standards that are withering. Wake up.

Hey guys, i flew into Miami for Halloween and partied my ass off. I got the attention of a Columbian girl who approached me cause i looked fun we danced for a while then made out.

after we kissed she said “wait your not gay” I said “no i’ll prove it” and we made out more.

Any advice for coming off as more masculine? i think i took looks maxing too far cause im very fit and my skincare routine is solid so my skin is always glowing.

i asked her what vibe gave her gay and she said i just gave fem energy. i jokingly said “your just jealous i move my hips better” then we grinded and made out more.

Any advice for how to appear more masculine, or any pretty boys who also been called gay able to break through? anything helps, Thanks!

Hi all, thank you for all the advice you have given in this subreddit. I am currently in a hostel and managed to sleep with a 10/10 as the first girl i ever slept with. I am having the time of my life because of you people. I couldn't have imagined this 1 month ago. For everybody wondering how. My main advice is 1. Be unique and authentic. 2. Be very flirty and make a lot of jokes hinting at your intentions. 3. Never ever doubt anything you say or seek validation from her, it should be the other way around. 4. Physical escalation is key. 5. Make sure she is comfortable around you and respect her boundries, dont force anything but hint at it and observe how she reacts. You will get there eventually. Thank you all.

Just a little word of advice: don’t spend excessive time or money chasing women. For most people, that path doesn’t end well. Instead, I truly believe we should all focus on finding a purpose in life. Set goals for yourself, whether they’re about health, building wealth, or creating a better relationship with yourself. I’m saying this from my own experience, as I’m learning the same lesson myself. After going on five dates and spending a lot, I realized this isn’t the approach I want to take again.

Yeah, you know, go on dates, have fun, but make sure you’re not putting all your time and focus there. Don’t skip workouts just to see someone, and avoid spending $250 on a date only to get ghosted. Remember where you started and where you want to be.

Sometimes, we feel pressured by society to focus on relationships or certain lifestyles, but prioritizing personal growth, wealth, and health can lead to a more fulfilling life. Taking this experience as a lesson, I’m moving forward with a clearer vision, aiming to avoid situations that don’t serve my growth or happiness.

Stay focused on what brings long-term value, invest in your well-being, and keep building a positive relationship with yourself. I’m already feeling on a better path by recognizing this, and I hope this advice helps you, too.

TL;DR: What do guys want to hear from a girl on those first calls?

At one point, I thought maybe my voice just wasn’t appealing because they’d text something like “👀” or “How’s your day?” the next day, but nothing more.

One guy gave me his number, but I called through the app instead. I tried to keep it conversational, but it felt like I was interviewing him:

•	“So, you’re in school…”
•	“What do you watch?”
•	“What do you normally do on a Thursday night?”

I didn’t mean for it to turn into an interview, but there was so much silence after each question! He did ask, “What about you?” after I asked why he was on the app, which I appreciated.

After about 18 minutes, I finally said, “I’m not really feeling this… I feel like I’m interviewing you.” He replied, “Oh, I don’t take it that way. I didn’t ask much because it seemed like you were gearing up for your next question. When people want to get to know someone, they usually come prepared with a list of questions.”

I found that interesting, since I was only using filler words (“um,” “ah,” “that’s interesting”) to show I was listening, and when there was silence, I’d just ask another question.

So, I went quiet, and he eventually asked, “So why are you on the app? What are your goals, and what are you looking for?”

Since I’d already answered that, I gave the same answer again, and we talked a bit after that. But at a certain point, I was waiting to see if he’d try to connect on shared interests (hobbies, history, family, etc.). He just mentioned he’s better in person and likes to make people laugh, so I kept going with the “um,” “ah,” and chuckles for another 20 minutes…until I realized he wasn’t going to ask my name or make any plans.

I told him, “I’m going to go eat,” and he said, “Of course, you can go eat. Feel free to call again.” I said, “I’d like that; feel free to call me sometime, too,” and that was it. I would have ended the call sooner, but since I’d kind of hogged the first 20 minutes, I gave him more time.

What I learned: Silence is golden. But sometimes, when I go quiet on the phone, they just keep talking (for like 40 minutes!) about themselves and never ask my name or suggest meeting up.

Other times, if the conversation flows well, I might get a “How are you?” or “Good morning” text the next day or later.

One guy recently called to set up a date, but no time or location was decided. Sunday came, and he called, saying he got too busy but wanted to try again later in the week for Wednesday. Friday rolled around, and he finally texted that he’d been really busy (though I saw him active on a chess app).

So, am I just terrible on the phone? Should I avoid calls altogether? 😂 How do I wrap things up quicker without seeming uninterested? Generally, I try to end calls after 15 minutes so there’s still something to talk about on the date.

I like to simplify the complex- and dating advice is potentially very complex. I am no expert if there is such a thing but there seems to be two schools of thought on dating on this dimension- getting a woman to like you (A) versus selecting from those who already like you (B).

Being a man with an ego, and particular standards, I was all about making women who don't like me like me. If you can do it, more power to you. If you can't, what do you lose anyway? Turns out, I think there are things you can lose, as well as win.

Versus- selecting from women who like you.

What's interesting about B is that they already like you for cause. Who knows what that cause is. Maybe it's superficial, like they say you with other girls and the social proof did it, or maybe it's deeper- they like who you are, what you're about etc. The value of that in my experience of living for 42 years should not be underappreciated. Their liking you for that will arguably stay with you and her for life. That will always be working on your side. Not that you can't kill her attraction or lose her respect but won't that aspect always remain?

With option A, if you can measure interest level by percentage points, you can maybe work hard to get her over the line, whether that's 50% or whatever. You can maybe get her over 60% and make her willing to be your girlfriend but who knows if you can get her farther, and at great work and risk. If it is fun for you great, but there is also risk. I have been on the losing end of that risk more than a few times in my life- but i'm not arguing for B (or for anything) because of my losses. Please I'm too objective and rational for that but it is a factor to consider. There might be guys who do it for her automatically, who she likes automatically as option Bs. You'll be competing against her. She may be your type in which you really want her. I get it. I've done a lot of chasing.

All I'm saying is there are two schools of thought, with pros and cons. Consider them. Perhaps in the short run for hookups it's fun to try to win a woman over and sleep with her, but for long term relationships, it can waste days or weeks or years of your life. It can affect your emotions and character. It can also maybe shape your character for the better. I'm not talking about changing for a woman. I'm talking about growing and building yourself for her but in a way that is true to yourself and you get to keep no matter what.

If you want to sleep with women, great, good luck. If you want a family, it seems like on this planet earth there are a lot of women in Cat B at least one of which could make a good partner and give you children and heirs.

I am NOT saying this to throw in the towel on A or give up or anything. I have an ego too but I also have a reasoning and thinking mind divorced from emotion and now that I have thought these thoughts I can't take them back. In terms of joys of dating and relationships, some relationships are hell and some are heaven and bliss and I think a lot of that comes down to her innate interest and attraction towards you (before you do anything).

If attraction (hers toward you) is the sum S of her innate attraction to you + the attractive behaviors you exhibit on purpose to attract her, then I feel like the more you can get of the former, the better and the less you need of the later. If she is really attracted to you, you might not need any of the latter and then the fact that you don't try can itself become attractive to her and others in a kind of increasing returns manner.

So what does this mean?

If you go A and B regardless, or if you go for B, just pay attention to women with intrinsic interest in you and appreciate them for it and the gift the universe is giving you. I think you don't need to game as much. See game is necessary for neutrals or those disinterested but maybe it's not and was never needed for those already interested, or maybe it was overused, like ketchup on a good steak and it just messes with it. Think of that.

If you're adopting a deliberate strategy of B hunting, looking for the one to have a fam with, or waiting to meet her, then I might say cycle through women as quick as possible (within reason). Get to where there's no more doubt. If you like her, she likes you and there's no doubt and she meets your requirements for a LTR or family, then it's not that complicated is it? An upshot or a corollary might be that when dating or women seem complicated, it's because we are chasing those who aren't that intrinsically interested, whether they are leading us on or giving us clear signals they are not interested. We tell ourselves .. we got this. Are we fools? Are we fools to presume? I think women are all wired so uniquely. Some want a brainy professor. Others want beefcakes. I know this couple from church, an odd couple. They have two kids. She wanted a guy who never had kissed anyone before, and she found him. They are happy together and who am I to mock them or criticize. So say 6 of 10 women are into me but the one I like the most is not. Who am I to say she's wrong because these other 6 like me? That's how my mind used to kind of work actually, unconsciously. And I don't know this for sure but the social proof might turn them to you a little but it might only ever be enough to put you over the edge. Deep down she might never find you attractive in the way the others do. Who can explain the why of women finding you attractive (besides the usual confidence, social proof etc). The best you can do is get them to tell you during pillow talk (which is recommended btw. it's amazing what you can learn about women when you listen)

Do they exist? Or do any of you offer it? Happy to pay. I'm too busy and can't be bothered with swiping, getting ghosted, messaging back and forth, fake profiles etc.

Let me know your details and what you offer etc. Cheers

I had a girl over on tuesday to spend an afternoon. We had a nice talk and kissed before she left. She wanted to stay and hook up but she had a commitment. So we agreed to see each other later.

We've been talking (a few messages a day) the last few days and it seems to be going well. We are seeing each other on saturday.

It does seems like the conversation has been cooling down gradually since its very hard to keep the spark for multiple days so I eventually just let it and I stopped responding today.

I was getting bored and kind of worry she was too. I don't want to talk all day, I just want to see her on saturday. So I wanted to ask...

In this situation, how much contact would you keep with a girl you have plans with? How would you maintain the interest without being too invested or seem like you're not interested? What"s the sweet spot?

Making this post really to be in the festive spirit but Halloween is an amazing time to practice social skills/ game.

I go as Waldo every year because I àways get a conversation started, and If U want to start a conversation with anyone I just walk up and say "Hey you found me !"

Anyone have any halloween tips, tricks, or treats ? Good costumes ideas ?

I met a girl at a bar last night. We talked for about 20 minutes and I asked for her insta. She gave me her number instead.

What should I text her? And is it better to ask her out in the first text?

I'm gonna suggest an activity but is it a good idea to provide two options and let her choose? For example between rock climbing (intense) or coffee (low stakes)

I didn’t get laid. I’m 25, her 52.

That wasn’t my primary objective but since we were meeting at a cafe anyway, I thought of shooting my shot. I was calm and collected throughout, a little mysterious by not divulging too much of myself. I listened as she told me her life-story, her ex-husband. I wouldn’t say I was nervous, has a good posture

As a friendly interaction, you could say it was excellent. Nice meeting her at last (we had been talking on and off since April). But I was absolutely terrible at seducing. Now I’m not good at seduction at all since I spend all of my time reading and studying, so let this serve as both a hub for advice and as a warning. I would look tell her straight she was beautiful, that I liked appreciating her eyes, I indicated my sexual desire by telling her “there’s something about you that lea ves me wanting more” but she didn’t really react in my favour. Said that she’s reached a phase in her life that she likes her own peace and tranquility, she only has a need for sex once in a while and she already has that person (currently working out of town) and I also suggested to her the idea of her having two instead of one as if it was nothing. She declined and I didn’t pursue it any further. I did touch her wrist prior, saying she had nice smooth skin.

Positive interaction but I still feel terrible because despite displaying a good demeanour, not feeling nervous, I failed to seduce. I must have done something terribly wrong for her to decline my suggestion and I’m ruining my head for it. I want an older woman and o keep reading on this sub that with an older woman, it’s better to just be honest. I was and nothing. It leaves me depressed. Will I continue to try and meet other women? Yes, I’m determined. But it leaves me depressed because I don’t know the areas of where to improve. I don’t know how to seduce and it hurts me.

So I was out drinking at the bar last night with some friends and it was overall a fun night. I was having some beers and chatting with people and a girl to my left starts chatting with me and I found her very attractive. The conversation started pretty well but at a certain point she started to use shit tests and I couldn’t think of an answer. Being a high functioning autistic, I usually can mask it in superficial conversations pretty well, but banter like this I can’t understand. At a certain point it just came across like she was being kind of rude and I just went completely silent. I think she was just playfully teasing but I simply don’t know how to respond. Anyways she eventually sort of lost interest in conversing with me and went out to smoke and then I didn’t see her again. While leaving my buddy asks what happened to that girl you were talking to, she seemed interested and I was just like well, I guess she wasn’t. This is a common trap I get into with girls. I often assume they’re not interested and with the autism it’s already hard to pick up on interest from nonverbal cues. Because of this, I have no confidence in escalating or conversation with women I’m attracted to. There are other women at the bar I like talking to, but since I’m not attracted to them I don’t have the same barrier. Anyone know a solution to this? How to improve my banter?

I really like her. I already sent the “hi it’s u/mybosssawmyoldname and I had such a great time talking to you tonight!” Text last night and she responded almost immediately. Should I text her today to make date plans or wait til tomorrow?

Edit: just texted her today (an hour after posting) and we’re doing a date on Sunday!

I didn’t get laid

That wasn’t my primary objective but since we were meeting at a cafe anyway, I thought of shooting my shot. I was calm and collected throughout, a little mysterious by not divulging too much of myself. I listened as she told me her life-story, her ex-husband. I wouldn’t say I was nervous, has a good posture

As a friendly interaction, you could say it was excellent. Nice meeting her at last (we had been talking on and off since April). But I was absolutely terrible at seducing. Now I’m not good at seduction at all since I spend all of my time reading and studying, so let this serve as both a hub for advice and as a warning. I would look tell her straight she was beautiful, that I liked appreciating her eyes, I indicated my sexual desire by telling her “there’s something about you that lea ves me wanting more” but she didn’t really react in my favour. Said that she’s reached a phase in her life that she likes her own peace and tranquility, she only has a need for sex once in a while and she already has that person (currently working out of town) and I also suggested to her the idea of her having two instead of one as if it was nothing. She declined and I didn’t pursue it any further. I did touch her wrist prior, saying she had nice smooth skin.

Positive interaction but I still feel terrible because despite displaying a good demeanour, not feeling nervous, I failed to seduce. I must have done something terribly wrong for her to decline my suggestion and I’m ruining my head for it. I want an older woman and o keep reading on this sub that with an older woman, it’s better to just be honest. I was and nothing. It leaves me depressed. Will I continue to try and meet other women? Yes, I’m determined. But it leaves me depressed because I don’t know the areas of where to improve. I don’t know how to seduce and it hurts me.

I am investigating which kiss close is more successful.

I'm at an intermediate level in pickup, and lately, I’ve been questioning some of the advice from a dating coach I follow. He’s been helpful in many ways, and often his tips are spot-on. But other times, I’m not sure if his advice makes sense for me personally.

When I approach women, I get a range of responses. Some women show interest and start engaging, while others don’t seem interested (either they don't invest in the conversation or directly say they’re not interested). I’m not getting terrible results that would make me worry that my approach sucks.

However, this coach once said that, as long as she doesn't have a boyfriend, it’s always possible to sleep with any woman, no matter her current life situation. Doesn't matter if she’s already in a get-to-know phase with someone else, doesn't matter if I'm not her type, doesn't matter if she is going through lots of stress, doesn't matter if she recently got divorced — it all doesn’t matter. According to him, if I don’t succeed in getting the girl, IT’S ALWAYS MY FAULT. I must have done something wrong, every single time. So if I approach a woman who isn’t showing interest, he insists I should stay in the set, tease her for not investing, handle her objections, and keep going.

Sometimes, I try this. But often, if I notice she seems uninterested, I prefer to walk away, as I don’t see the reward in pushing if she’s not receptive. Other times, I’ll stay a bit longer and try to be persistent until she engages more. Occasionally, this has led to some numbers, but many times, she’ll flake before the date or goes cold quickly after the date. And when that happens, the coach still insists that I must have done something wrong or didn’t build enough attraction etc.

I see a similar split in this community—some people share this coach's perspective of “stay persistent; you can get any woman if you say and do the right things.” Others suggest only focusing on women who show genuine interest from the start.

What are your thoughts on this? I’m starting to feel like this “always stay persistent, it’s your fault if she’s not interested” mindset is really messing with my head big time. After two or three minutes of teasing and calling her out, if she’s still not interested or declines the close, dafuq else is there to do?

Halloween seems to be the easiest day of the year to open people by commenting on their outfits. So looking for ideas on what to dress up tonight

Based on what I've learned from the PUA and seduction community, looks matter. To what degree - that'll vary based on a variety of factors. And on top that, how I view my own looks matters even more.

But let's say I've worked on myself over the years, go to the gym, take care of my health, skin, hair, fashion, etc., and I continue to improve or make adjustments in that area (because no one is perfect), and I'm feeling better about myself... but I'm still not able to attract the girls I want - how do I reach acceptance or come to terms with the fact that I seemingly can't attract the type of women I want whether it is because of height, upper limit on looks, race, etc. Do I need to lower my standards, get a reality check that I might not be able to be attracting the 9s 10s, in my eyes? What I base this off of is successfully engaging / flirting / closing these types of girls (or lack there of) compared to other friends with less game.

"Looks get you to the table. Social skills keep her there." Where I'm struggling is not getting to the table.

"Most girls aren't going to give you the opportunity to let you make them feel a certain way if they're not physically attracted to you. That's just a fact of life."

As I write this, I realize that even though I'm feeling better about myself, there is still some frustration over not knowing how to accept an outcome I don't have control over. But then I'm thinking do I really know where the looks vs game/social skills "line" exists? How much my frustration or insecurity (or old self with lack of confidence) is still there? I try to go into each interaction with good vibes, open mind, smile, etc. I'm hoping the frustration subsides over time as I continue to feel better about myself but it's present now and I think that's where I'm looking for help from this community.

This is going to be a full-conversation analysis of how I got laid with a cute goth chick last sunday. I’ve posted a lot of content on text-game and the prevailing opinion seems to be that actual examples are the most useful, which I agree with, hence this format. 

As always, if you’re a doomer or blackpilled or whateverthefuck about online dating and text game stop reading here. This post will have no value for you, at all. I promise. 

This post will be quite long as it’s literally the entire conversation (minus the very end part logistics). I’ve tried to only comment on the relevant parts so it’s not a full on novel, but do let me know what you think of this format. 

DISCLAIMER: As with all my posts, these texts will be translated as accurately as possible straight from Tinder since:

1. Reddit is horrible with dynamically sharing images inside posts
2. I live in Finland, the texts are in Finnish which means you can’t understand the screenshots

I have translated screenshots of Tinder convos in my online dating guide for anyone interested.

ps. If you already have it and have downloaded the Texting Flowchart, you can use the stages 1-4 here as a reference for how the stages of the flowchart should play out in a real convo! 

Background: Blonde 19-year old chick, goth style with fishnets, black mini-skirts, black lipstick etc. which is exactly my type.

This conversation actually wasn’t smooth at all in the beginning. I made some mistakes during it, but still got laid. A lot of people seem to think you have to do everything perfectly to succeed with online dating, but you don’t. You just have to suck slightly less than most guys. 

During this conversation, pay attention to:

1. Calibration of pushing and escalating
2. No over the top lines or gamey shit
3. Clear direction throughout the convo. 
4. Balance of flirting and genuine conversation

Stage 1 - Building Investment

She opens me at the start of this convo. Before you complain that girls never open you, they didn’t open me before either. But I improved my profile and put enough hooks into it that now about 10-20% of my matches will open me, which usually makes it way easier to get laid.

HER: “You have such a cute cat”

ME**:** “You two have a lot in common”

ME**:** ***“*Unfortunately she’s my friends cat, apartment forbids pets 😪”

HER: “Oh noo, I had the same thing and my cats are still at my parents place” 

Notice that there’s nothing over the top or gamey going on. No weird fucking pick up lines or tactics. Just a simple conversation sharing stuff about each other. The opening doesn’t need to be anything fancy or over-the top. Me saying “You two have a lot in common” is enough flirting at this beginning stage to let her know that I’m not there to just be her text buddy.

ME: “Tragic 😢”

ME: “Sounds like we’re both missing someone to cuddle at night” (The translation here is a bit weird but this is essentially the meaning of the OG message, just a bit smoother in my original language lol)

HER: “Very true lol, weird not having cats sleep on top of you anymore”

ME: “Ngl, spaghetti mostly bit me when I slept next to her lol”

ME: “(spaghetti is the name of the cat btw..)”

HER: ***“***No way 😭”

HER: “What a cute name” - I liked this message

ME: “Do your cats have weird names as well”

HER: “No just normal ones lol, that one is super unique and cute”

ME: “I’ll give your regards to her haha”

ME: “Btw, what are you looking for on here?”

At this stage the conversation wasn’t really going anywhere. Sure, talking about cats is fun but I couldn’t really find anything else more interesting to steer it into and her profile was boring. A simple question of what are you looking for on here is a good one to drop in situations like this where you’re getting stuck. It usually pushes the convo in a better direction. 

At this stage we’ve been talking for about 4 days, more than you usually want but I had been quite lazy with responding.

Stage 2 - Escalating/Flirting 

HER: “I meaan people who I get along with and can share my life with lol”

HER: “How about you”

The how about you question gives me a good chance to frame the conversation in a better way, where instead of talking about fucking cat names, we’re actually going to head somewhere more romantic and “us” framed. 

ME*: “Cute goth girls that like cats ofc 👀”*

ME: “Other than that pretty much same as you lol”

HER: ***“***Omg are you really looking for goth style girls 🖤”

HER: ***“***Good lol”

ME: “ofc”

ME: “Black lipstick and fishnets are too much of a weakness for me not to ngl”

We’re now getting into a much better frame in the conversation, it’s much more flirty and exciting. Were talking about physical stuff, which is always easy to turn into flirting. 

HER: ***“***Lol I legit sleep with fishnets sometimes I like them that much xd”

HER: ***“***It’s good that for some people it’s a weakness, most guys aren’t into goth girls at all”

HER: “🖤”

As soon as I saw that heart I knew this shit was in the bag lol. But look at what’s happening here, we aren’t talking about surface level shit anymore. She’s sharing stuff about her in the context of “us”. She’s also investing more into the convo by sending these longer texts..

ME: “Fishnets when sleeping 😲gonna be very hard to fall asleep next to you then..”

ME: “I’d be way too distracted”

The second text here wasn’t really necessary, but I got the vibe that this chick was a little slow/stupid with flirting over text so included it anyway. Notice how I’m relating the situation to “us” again, telling her how hard it’s gonna be to sleep next to her etc. makes her think about us together, in bed. Subtle imagery like this is much better than just saying some shit like: “I wanna rip those fishnets off and fuck you”

HER: “That could definitely be difficult haha”

Not that exciting of a response, but I got the vibe that she wasn’t into flirting over text too much so backed off with that a little. Getting these vibes right is something you learn with experience. 

ME: “Mm, wear them at your own risk then..”

Introducing a little more sexual tension with this text, but following it with a question so it’s easy to respond for her. 

Stage 3 - Setting up the Soft Close

ME: “Got any good weekend plans btw?”

HER: “🤭”

HER: “Nothing much just work”

ME: “Good”

ME: “What do you do for work?”

Notice how this is a pretty standard “boring” question. But since we’ve just had an interesting and slightly flirty convo, asking this is completely fine. It shows I’m not just horny as fuck trying to constantly flirt and sexualize. Balance is key with text game. 

HER: “Doing shifts at -herplaceofemployment- along my studies”

HER: “You got any plans?”

ME: “Work and uni stuff mostly, seeing a couple of friends tomorrow.”

ME: “I wonder if we’ll find time for a romantic date this weekend 🤔”

This is an indirect way of soft closing and finding out more about her schedule. 

HER: “Welll I get off work at 10pm today and start at 3:30 pm tomorrow so that kind of complicates it”

Now at this point, you might be inclined to think that she’s making an excuse for not wanting to see me. But, me being the eternal optimist, I figured she’s probably not lying about her work schedule and is instead concerned about something else. Let’s see if I was right…

ME: “Hmm, movie night after work at my place could do you some good🤔”

ME: “and extra head scratches if you’ve had a rough shift ofc”

Slight sexualisization but without anything too vulgar. Every girl loves having their hair played with etc. This is simply a way to make the idea of the date more appealing in her head, getting her to actually imagine this happening. You’ll see why this was a critical step at the end of the post…

HER: “I love head scratches hehe <3”

HER: “Well yeaah, it’d take some time though I’d have to shower etc after work”

ME: “My sleep schedule is cooked enough that I don’t mind it going a little late lol”

HER: “Okay :)” 

HER: “But yeah I do have work tomorrow though, luckily only at 3.30”

HER: “Whereabouts do you live?”

ME: -Where I live-

ME: “How about you?”

HER: “Omg what”

HER: “I live almost next to you lol”

HER: “Not a long way to hang out then haha”

Funny coincidence here, but slightly planned too. I noticed her distance showed as less than 1km the whole day so I knew she probably lived pretty close, so travel wouldn’t be an issue. If the girl clearly lives far away, readjust your closing strat. 

Next I go for the final hard close since I feel like we’ve handled enough of her objections.

Stage 4 - Hard Close

ME: “Good then haha”

ME: “I’ll send you the address if you swing by home after work and then come over :)”

HER: “Okayy :)”

HER: “It’ll take a bit just have to shower etc. but see u then”

After this she added me on snap, we exchanged a few selfies and she came over.

Ended up being kinda awkward at first actually since it was literally almost 1am and we were both super tired, but eventually she ended up naked on top of me, funny how that happens.. (and bonus points to her for giving me Tier 1 head, goth girls are the best lol. I have a theory that because they usually smoke they have that sucking movement down very well, might patent this discovery tbh. I shouldn’t write these fucking posts drunk.)

So, that was it! Literally every text I had to send to get laid. If you still think online dating is some rocket science where you have to use scientifically crafted perfect lines, you’re delusional. This was just 2 people talking normally, with some well-crafted lines thrown in-between to push the convo where I wanted it. That’s it. You just have to put in the reps to learn it. No other way. 

And if you think she would’ve agreed to come over without all the extra talking, flirting and investment building, you’re completely wrong..

On our “date” we actually talked about the convo we had on Tinder and she told me that she was pretty decided on not coming over that night because it’d be so late etc, but the idea of head scratches had sold her on it. She said that my hands looked nice in my photos so she imagined they’d feel nice on her head too. (Pro tip: Most girls have a huge hand fetish for some reason…)

Never underestimate how the little things can affect girls. 

And don’t take that out of context.

Let me know what you thought of this post format! Would you like more breakdowns line-by line as to why I’m saying everything, or was this amount enough? Am I secretly a 7-foot tall model because I actually got laid from a dating app? Was this entire post faked and just a creative writing exercise..? Leave it down below, would love to hear from you. 

Till next time. 

Tldr: rejected via "in a relationship "

I've only approached women less than a handful of times during the day and never while i am at the gym.

I would consider myself to be of average attractiveness as i have a strong athletic build, college athlete but i am under 5'8 which i know women have a tendancy for taller guys but that hasn't kept me from getting into relationshps(longest 2 years) and or hookups. body count is around 15 and i have slept with women taller than myself a couple of times(never serious relationships tho).

I would say i struggle with self confidence as i question whether or not I am attracitve at times which prevents me from going up to girls during the day. Fear of rejection definitely does affect me.

That being said i went up to a girl today in a new gym that i have beein going to recently and she rejected me.

The conversation went as follows:

me: Hey sorry i don't mean to bother you but i just wanted to say that I like your look

her: thank you

me: i was wondering if i could get your number?

her: Im in a relationship, sorry 😬

me: all good no worries 👍

walks away

I was definitely really nervous and im pretty sure i was visibly shaking(hopefully subtlely) and she could probably tell that i was nervous

Although i got rejected i am proud of myself for even going up to her in the first place and the relief i felt while walking away was nice it felt like there was weight lifted off of my shoulders

To the people who had a bad relationship with your self, how did you improve your confidence. Is there a way to have a happier life, better relationship with yourself and have better confidence? I think I'm constantly suffering from anxiety, looking for people's approval and falling back to old patterns. I saw a post about confidence where it says to have better self talk. Now when I am aware, I do try to make the self talk positive but most of the time it can be negative especially when I'm not aware.

Pls help a brother out. Is there any daily activity or self talk that helped boost your confidence?

There’s this girl I see a couple times a week she works at a store I walk past every day in the mall , I just think she is cute, we make prolonged eye contact here and there and I do catch her looking at me even when she’s talking to someone else . She looks fierce tho . I should I go and introduce myself I’ve seen her around for months

Can anyone here share some PUA's picking up girls in field
I have noticed when i am in the field whenever i watched some infield videos by tyler and julien used to get me pumped up i need that energy ASAP
Rather than downloading all old PUA courses can anyone share clips of infields by any one even if every one shares 1 we can help each other out

Thanks in advance :)

If you’re ready to mix fun with a little flirtation, we might just be a match made in adventure! Let’s shake things up with some playful teasing and see where our chemistry takes us. With sparks flying and laughter in the air, the night is ours for the taking.

My friend has a friend that I’ve seen in passing but haven’t met/been introduced to yet. I’m wondering what approach/strategies you guys take for expressing interest in a friend of a friend.

I go out and date casually with multiple woman I match on online dating. Frequently I try to pick up on Instagram but it’s not very effective. Im afraid I may look like someone who doesn’t do well with woman and it may be a turn off.

I’m not the kind of guy who constantly upload photos when I’m with friends (who are in vast majority men) so I was wondering if being seen with woman - or at leasts perceived as if I’m with one - may help out a bit.

Obviously I cannot be constantly taking pictures and uploading them randomly when I’m with one - because I may look like a creep for the girl, or because they may think this is “something else” - and neither i want to look that obvious.

I have approached few womens up until now and know how to make things happen...

I used to approach in delhi earlier with one of my buddy but he is gone back to his home.. so looking for someone in gurgaon if possible...