So I had went to go get checked at the er a couple days ago for abdominal pain and while I was there they took my bp and it was high at like 172/91 and it scared me for a minute but doctors never said anything about it and just continued about my abdominal pain. And while i was waiting the machine took my bp again and it was lower which I was relieved and did it again and it was lower but still somewhat high. Im just feeling really anxious about my bp and worrying about heart attacks, health issues, etc. i started to fix my diet yesterday as I do tend to binge eat and when I was at the er all my blood test came back fine as the pain was just a stomach ache. But since then i have been paranoid!! And i just wanted some advice please!!

Does or has anyone taken antipsychotics for ocd? Can you share your experiences?

My psychiatrist wants to put me on abilify but it sounds a little… irrelevant…?

hello all,

i have had trouble with hygiene since as long as i can remember. i struggled HORRIBLY in middle and high school with hygiene and now that i actually have been diagnosed with many mental health disorders, i finally understand why, but it’s still really tough ..

i have been on meds which have significantly improved my daily life ! i can proudly say that i function so much better now and these meds have been life savers !

and yet, the one aspect of life that i still struggle with, is hygiene, especially bathing.

i have tried so many different tactics and try to give myself grace, but it’s never consistent, bc as soon as i see any bit of “dirt” on my body, even after an in-depth shower, my mind automatically makes me feel like im not clean enough, and the entire shower was pointless. then it becomes bathing is pointless in general, because i’ll never truly be clean. especially if i become hyper-focused on cleaning, then the thoughts just never end !

if anyone has any tips and/or tricks that help them consistently stay on top of their hygiene please share if you don’t mind, bc i really am struggling ..

i just want to be clean and feel normal when it comes to hygiene for once in my life ..

It's happened a few times now when I've been driving and I start to hyperfixate on my OCD thoughts, and it's pretty concerning. I don't mind as much about dissociating when I'm at work or at home. Does anyone have experience with this or know how to prevent it?

I’m struggling with brain fog and I need a cure Do ssri’s also help with brain fog?

It really does take the edge off I have noticed it physically and mentally in so many different scenarios now it has truly gave me some of my life back if you are really in a bad place with ocd just try it. Doesn’t work for everyone just want to try and help you’ve got this ❤️❤️

I feel paranoid that I'm not myself and that something is possessing me. I don't feel like I'm in control of my actions. It's as if someone else is making me do all these TIME-CONSUMING compulsions. I feel like crying while doing these repetitive compulsions every day. OCD, PLEASE STOP THIIS.

So I’m 23 and my wisdom teeth grew extremely late, to the point where I didn’t think they’d ever come. Well… They’re done growing. My jaw hurts all the time. It’s time to get them pulled.

I am terrified that I might say my intrusive thoughts whilst under the laughing gas out loud to the dental staff, and my mother who would most likely be picking me up and driving me. My mother especially, since it’s harder to be open about my OCD to someone I love and deeply care about.

How did any of you handle it? Can you request the dentist’s office to hold you until the gas wears off? Is the gas really that bad? Have any of you said anything you really didn’t want to out loud?

Advice or comfort would be appreciated. Thinking about it makes me start crying instantly. ^_^”

Tell me your story with OCD.

I don’t know exactly why it started but a few days ago i started to worry intensely that my future will probably not go as how i intend it to. I am a bit embarrassed to admit this but it’s frustrating not to talk about it so here i go. Basically I have always since i was young wanted to live a perfect life and make sure that all my goals (despite some being a bit unrealistic now that i think about it) had to be achieved. This included dating someone who was up to my standards, getting my dream job and living in a particular city that will help my career. However it has gotten a bit out of control these past few days and I think I’m falling into another spiral.

My brain has convinced me that I need to date my celebrity crush, and I’m thinking to myself like what??? That is impossible, especially given the age gap and the fact that we don’t know each other. Of course my brain won’t listen to logic so instead I have spent these days googling people related to him (he is a sportsperson) and their partners age gaps.

Some are normal some are much bigger. This gave me no comfort regardless. I know it’s impossible so I wish my brain would understand it too because I don’t want this

I’m just so stuck and it’s eating me up everyday

When I look back over the years there been so many times where I’ve met people and hung out with people and I wasn’t myself. Like I know what my authentic personality is like and just overall I know what myself is like. But there’s been so many times in the past where I didn’t feel like myself and it’s annoying because then it’s like these people have never actually met the real me. They’ve met some other version of me. Like I’ve met coworkers and a couple coworkers told another that I was shy and quiet and they were confused because to them I am clearly not shy or quiet and it was because when I met the others I wasn’t feeling like myself so I did come across a little shy and quiet but the other coworker met a much more real version of me hence why they were confused because I was clearly not shy and quiet to them. I am not shy or quiet but there’s just been times where I was overthinking things or dealing with ocd stuff that caused me to act different.

Can anyone else relate? I hate thinking about all the people I’ve met who haven’t actually met the real me. I’m sick of feeling like I’m walking on egg shells and avoiding things out of fear of feeling guilt or shame or whatever else. I just want to function daily without feeling like I’m walking on egg shells. I want to always feel like myself.

Or is it just me

I’m in a constant state of feeling like I’m about to get in trouble or forget to do something or the worst case scenario will happen. How do you overcome this? It’s exhausting.

hi all, i’m sorry if this all sounds so stupid or doesn’t make any sense, and i’m so embarrassed to share but i really need to share and ask for some advice on how to get over this or anything that can help me feel less scared. i’m terrified of using the bathroom at home. i’ve just got back from uni for xmas and im convinced that using my bathroom at home (shared with all the family of 6) is going to give me a stomach bug or make me ill. i am living in constant fear and holding off going to the toilet for as long as i can until i basically physically can’t anymore. i don’t know what to do, my ocd/emetophobia has never been this bad but im basically scared of catching a bug every second of every day, and i feel like using the toilet is going to spread these virus germs. please help, i feel so lost and hopeless

For those who do have certain OCD "rituals". What do you call them?

I personally hate calling them rituals makes me feel like I am in a cult, but that is how everyone I know calls these actions that I do.

So, I call mine "exams".

Don't know why I call them that, but the name feels fitting.

I'm 22 and been diagnosed OCD since 12 years old. Typically, contamination and hygiene issues don't really manifest with me as much as they seem to others but I've always had a problem with unhygienic showers/baths. It makes the process of showering a completely stressful burden and it can take up far too much time and energy. I've been down on my luck and have been stuck living at a not so great rental that just has an upper limit when it comes to how clean I can make the place. When I moved in, I stripped the caulking out of the shower, killed all the mold and recaulked the whole thing. Im not a handy person by any means but I couldn't get my landlord to address the situation and couldn't even manage to get myself in the shower. So my skills being minimal the caulking has become loose once again with a little mold growing in it. Anyone else ever find themself in a similar situation? My rationality tells me its a waste of time and money to launch into DIYing anything again considering I don't own the place, but it's not like I'll have the opportunity to leave anytime soon.

for context, im bisexual so I know I like women, and men but my ocd latched onto comphet and its starting to be real fucking convincing, I feel nothing towards my bf and im feeling like I should break up cuz I dont feel anxiety around the thought but I also dont want to do it at the same time. I feel tired of everything. it also melds into rocd, my post history is a mess. I can't study. onto the story

beginning of the week - I had therapy, my therapist asked me a question about my relationship which I answered honestly tho my brain was telling me I was lying. I wrote my boyfriend a love letter and felt really good. we had sex after that and it felt good, I was in a good headspace. I still had the thoughts at the back of my mind but they weren't bugging me as much as they are today.

friday night, got back from an exam (I hate university) and my friend gave me a gift and some hot cocoa and I spiralled panicking if this ,meant I liked her or she liked me. I dont. ive never seen her like that.

last night. my boyfriend and I had sex twice yesterday, both felt decent but I felt he was too rough and I didn't enjoy it as much. also with any sex with him, I dont feel butterflies and it feels like my arousal starts going down once we start and my brain starts screaming stop even when I want to do it. I push through cuz I want to have sex with my bf, sometimes I worry im forcing myself to even tho ive always enjoyed it. ive never been nauseous around sex or around him but lately ive been feeling that. no butterflies just this weird feeling like we aren't connected deeply anymore and its setting off these alarm bells of

what if I dont love him and only see him as a friend

what if I want to have sex with a woman

am I aroused enough? am I even wanting to do this or am I tolerating it?

why dont I feel anything when I say I love you or picture a future with him.

I should wait before breaking up with him cuz I just gave him a love letter (I dont wanna break up with him)

it feels so weird. I feel aroused by him and want to have sex with him but once we start I start getting distracted by my thoughts but not to the point we have to stop. maybe he's being a bit tough, he tends to go hard and fast and some days thats fun. I dont moan super loud, and im worried im not feeling the right level of pleasure or if im faking it. ive never had these thoughts before which is why I think its a bad ocd flareup. ive been on here searching for the different between denial and hocd and if I should break up with him to find a woman cuz maybe that'll be better and easier but I dont wanna do that, I want to feel better. I want to feel the way I used to. maybe there's less dopamine in sex now cuz we've been together for 10 months. picturing the future doesn't bring me any emotion and it makes me scared. what if im not excited when he proposes. why do I not feel anything when I look at him? did I mistake anxiety for attarction and im actually a lesbian in denial? we went out for lunch yesterday and I didn't feel any warm and fuzzy feelings. it feels like my head is foggy and my emotions are numb. I am aroused by him and attracted to him romantically impretty sure. I was ever since we met and it wasn't a bad anxiety, it was a good anxiety of excitement of "oh he's cute I wanna get to know him better"

I remember being really nervous to have sex. this was before the ocd started. I knew I wanted to and always loved the fantasies I had about sex with him. the first time we had sex was great, definitely nerve wracking and I felt some guilt (I was taking someone's virginity and losing my own) but with subsequent events, never felt guilt again, this was in a backdoor spike sorta thing, the thoughts weren't really there so I was able to enjoy it. idk if me having sex with him was cuz I actually wanted to know what it felt like or if it was cuz I was following a plan made up by god knows who saying "yep this is the next logical step" sex isn't super frequent with us, especially when im in a spell like this. I enjoyed it before. why am I not enjoying it now. one time we had sex in a bathroom in a building on campus (bad idea) the condom sucked, I was so worried about getting caught and being in a bathroom... there's not a lot of places to fuck, I was practically hitting my head off the wall lol. so I got in my head about that. then when we started doing it in my dorm I was worried about my roommate/suitemate. still am but less so. sometimes it hurt going in but I think its cuz he wasn't fully hard and maybe I wasn't wet enough, which id get in my head about. we bought lube yesterday and it helped. watching him put it in me doesn't turn me on but it feels really good, same with eye contact. im just awkward I think. but my brain has been overthinking all of it. im worried im not feeling enough butterflies when we have sex. im worried im gonna wake up one day and realize I wasted my life and time and his time by stringing him along even tho I never have. I know I have to sit with the uncertainty but I dont want to lose him. I am so happy with him and I may not feel the lovey dovey feelings lately but Im pretty sure I want to stay?

idk I feel kinda numb and confused and I need advice. I have these visions of us breaking up and me ending up with a woman which I dont want. I want to stay with him. if I was single maybe id date a woman but I am not. I am in a committed relationship and I want to be able to enjoy my fucking sex life again. I know I'll never be able to tell if im a lesbian or if it's just ocd. but I want to try. im so scared ive been in denial. ive always liked men, I never really pictured sex with them, same with women. I only started having sexual fantasies with this guy. none of my ex bfs or one ex gf. maybe cuz my exes kinda sucked. I did like one of them a lot and wanted to make out with him but he literally despised touching me. he might be gay lol, his current gf is very masculine. anyways. I enjoyed intimacy before. now it just feels... eh? blah? like I still want it but its not intense anymore and when we start I slowly lose the passion if we go for too long. could be an adhd thing too. idk. its really bugging me. I wish I could switch bodies with someone and show them how I feel so they can tell me what the fuck is happening.

if anyone has experienced this or has advice, please pass it over. im worried that in the end, it isn't soocd or rocd and im just a lesbian cuz that has happened to other people and im scared thats me. I dont have any internalized homophobia, ive always been cool with queer people, most of my friends are queer in some way, despite going to a catholic school lol. so its not that. my mom isn't homophobic. confused but she's got the spirit. my bf is muslim so maybe the anxiety is coming from there cuz some muslims have a not so great view of queer people but he's pretty good with it. he's never disrespected anyone and when he accidentally used a slur he didn't realize was a slur he immediately apologized and fixed his behaviour. maybe its more his parents. what if they realize im bi. what if in the future this doesn't work out cuz I realized im a lesbian. im not hiding some secret truth. im not a lesbian. logically I know that. maybe sex is still new to me and its taking a minute to find my rhythm with him. idk. its a bit scary. I have therapy tomorrow. im tempted to cancel cuz its finals season but since im having such a bad anxious episode I should go.

I have a locker style mailbox at my apartment that I'm terrible about checking. All my bills are online and I have Informed Delivery (it tells me what's coming and when) so I never go to it. I missed a Jury summons from SEPTEMBER 10TH and I found it today.

I'm spiraling. My aunt is taking me to the courthouse tomorrow morning to get everything sorted out. I'm terrified about the worst case scenario. I'm also terrified about my progress being set back now that my obsession came true.

TL,DR; any suggestions for books, articles, videos etc to help understand what OCD is, how neurodiverse brains work, and how to avoid burnout & coexist healthily with OCD?

THE CONTEXT: Hi all! I was diagnosed with OCD 4 years ago in my early 20s, although I think I've had it since early childhood. I have spent most of my life finding "workarounds" for my OCD that allow me to live within a neurotyopical working world/education system. I think this was largely due to the fact I did well at school (and was misdiagnosed with a bunch of other things), so I got used to managing the best I could in my situation, without any real knowledge of what my OCD situation actually was. This might sound stupid, but I only really comprehended a week ago that other people's brains work differently to mine. I just assumed everyone struggled to do ordinary life with all of the ritualistic behaviours, intrusive thoughts and scenario planning. I was really impressed at how everyone was pulling it off!

However, I realised recently I've never really made any adjustments to help support myself. I don't really understand what OCD is, or how my brain works. I know I'm neurodiverse, but I don't really understand what that means for me. I'm begining to realise that the standards I've set for myself in life are always going to be a bit impossible to achieve healthily - if I keep masking and self regulating to this extent. it's really draining. I'm medicated and in therapy now, but I had to quit my job last summer due to burnout and I'm struggling to return to work.

THE QUESTION: So, I would like to learn more about OCD and how neurodiverse brains work. Any recommendations for books, videos, articles etc are very welcome! I'm particularly interested in any books that help to understand thought processes, and potentially anything that presents methods of working with your OCD rather than going through cycles of burnout. I don't want to supress and mask as much anymore, if there is a better solution.

Anything is helpful! I'm also interested in autism, ADHD, PTSD and OCD, as I see a lot of crossovers with some of my behaviours and thought processes. Thank you in advance :)

Couple days ago i drunk a lot of alcohol and was really really drunk, i can't remember some of the time. Anyways there was a guy, trying to hit on me - i told him that i have a boyfriend and he told me that he has a wife. When im drunk im being weird and do weird stuff- so i thought it would be amazing idea to sit there with him and teach him how to treat his wife right, also he was constantly telling me that i am pretty and stuff like that. Long story short - i don't remember everything so i thought what if i cheated on my bf with him and i don't remember that, I'm scared that maybe he was saying something and i fell for it? It seems irrational bc i was pissed he was hitting on me when he has a wife(i should have left but thought i would fix his marriage which is stupid af) but I'm thinking of it all the time, my friend was with me 98% of the time and she's saying i didn't do anything but I'm so worried about this 2%. I'm so in love with my boyfriend we had our problems and now finally it is the time when we are good and have a really healthy relationship, I'm so scared of losing what we have, i feel physically sick. I feel like i'm lying to him. I need help but i don't know if there is a way to help me because i NEED to know what happened.d

Trigger warning: grooming

I'll(19M) keep it brief, you can look at my post history to understand where I'm coming. I'm worried that at the age of 14–15, I may have groomed people on Omegle/ or engaged in inappropriate conversation with people up to 3 years younger than me. I honestly don't believe I did it, the most I ever asked people who were younger than me was what they were looking for relationship wise out of on Omegle out of curiosity and then telling them the site they were on wasn't safe for them, sometimes, I would outright just tell them it wasn't safe on the site or immediately block them. I have memories of me blocking people 2 years or younger than me on the site but, what If I did engage in inappropriate behaviour, what if I did groom them, what if I did it so many times it became second nature and I don't remember? I scrolled through all my pictures, and couldn't find any from that time that reminded me about those times on Omegle? I feel the need to confess everything to everyone in my life, and also I sometimes plan on leaving all my friends and family behind because of my past actions (other posts).

How can I accept that I may never know or remember? I'm currently not speaking to a therapist, and I'm only using AI chatbots to help guide me through this. I can't calm down, and the distractions aren't working.

My uncertainty even shows in the title of this bc I said almost everything 😭

Anyways I hate this because I’m so bad with uncertainty, I feel the need to know and predict everything. I NEED certainty.

I can’t be confident or call myself pretty or say anything good or bad about myself cause I can’t be certain it’s true. Sometimes I feel pretty but then just as quick I feel ugly again. When I feel pretty I still can’t even call myself pretty because I’m so uncertain, what if I’m not really pretty and I’m just deluding myself and I’m gonna make a fool out of myself if I say I’m pretty. So I can’t say I’m pretty. I have to constantly say I’m ugly and put myself down so I can hear from others to know the TRUTH. I can’t trust myself, but then when they say I am pretty or they try to reassure me I DONT EVEN BELIEVE THEM. I feel like they’re just lying, they’re just trying to avoid conflict, nobodies telling me the truth! I don’t know how to be certain that people aren’t lying to me.

I wish I could just read minds and see emotions, so then I could know for absolute sure. I wish I could just predict everything and know everything, so then I could choose my actions. I hate uncertainty so much.

I don't think I have OCD (diagnosed ADHD, autism and generalized anxiety) but I do get obsessive thoughts, mostly related to health and medical stuff. My doctor prescribed fluvoxamine (20mg) to help with that. I haven't started yet because I'm terrified of the side effects. I've had bad experiences with medication side effects before which is why I'm so scared to start the pill, but those anxious thoughts are exactly why I'm starting the pill in the first place. So I'm stuck in a loop. I know everyone's experience is different but if anyone can offer some advice for when starting it I'd appreciate it.

I have OCD (diagnosed earlier this year if that's important at all), so I genuinely don't know why I can't seem to get myself to clean even if I really want to feel rewarded with the organization aspect of it. I constantly hear from people about the cleaning aspect of OCD, and it's not that messes don't bother me (they do a lot),but I just have no interest or motivation to follow through with cleaning and I'm so confused. Again, I want to feel rewarded with the organization part, but I need to follow a step by step in my head where organization comes last in the process, so I'm just really confused because I don't know if this is normal or not, like is it something wrong with me or????

I know life has ups and downs and that's what makes it life. But does anyone just not feel like this ratio is worth it? Not even close? I feel like my entire life has been way too painful because of my ocd constantly ripping my head. Meds don't rly work for me (the ones l've tried). The ups and good time periods I've had in life don't feel like it was worth it, as they are hard to remember. I don't feel good and never "really" remember feeling good. I never felt too close to anyone and never let anyone get too close (including my family). I just feel so tired and just being awake and conscious is so exhausting. I don't really feel like anyone actually hears me in general and I almost feel out of place. When it gets really bad, It's this deep deep hopeless feeling that l've felt on and off since 6 years old, it feels like my being has been rejecting its existence since birth tbh. I don't feel good. Anyone feel the same or has? I don't know what to do at this point.

So, title may be kinda overpowering, but I really miss when showering used to be fun and fast, I have tried so much to limit my shower time but I cannot crack an hour and that’s me at my best. I usually take about two hours and it’s gotten to the point where I feel exhausted coming out of the shower it’s taken such a toll on me and the problem is if I don’t shower or don’t spend a proper amount of time in the shower scrubbing and cleaning myself I’ll spend the entire day worrying about how I smell, it’s so goddamn annoying and draining, if anyone has had something similar to this could they please provide with some advice or help?

I started having OCD as early as 11 years old, i'm now 28. It's been a very long time and has been getting worse over the years, i've got many types health related, food, career and its basically ongoing all day long. Kinda got used to life like this, i'm now seeing theres many medication options, is this a good route to take? What are the negatives? do you completely get better with medication?

All day i'm thinking "this can happen if I dont do x" "always looking into food to make sure its okay" "health OCD every single day"

All this makes me kinda paranoid and always looking at every single detail and makes me think what would it be like if my brain just chilled lol.

Thanks guys, open to any advice and experiences

This is like really TMI so please be warned, the content involves sexual videos, CNC, and possible SA.

I’ve been feeling uncertain about my past actions related to an adult video that involved consensual non-consent (this is something I associate with). I remember seeing a comment questioning the creator’s ethics around consent, but I still searched for the video. I can’t clearly recall if I was drawn to the video because of the comment about the possible realness or if I simply disregarded it (which I know probably isn’t okay either).

The thought that I might have been interested in someone’s violation in that moment is really troubling to me and has left me feeling so guilty. I feel like a vile human being.

I don’t think I was interested in anything real, but in my initial panic I was 100% sure I was. It wasn’t until I calmed down that I realized that I at most disregarded it bc it wasn’t a fact. But that feels like I’m just trying to make myself feel better.

Can anyone please give me input? I’ve never panicked this hard before please

I am currently experiencing a really bad OCD episode and unfortunately it feels as though it’s my fault because I did a compulsion I specifically knew I shouldn’t & so here I am /: how do you guys get through episodes you know will take several weeks, or extended periods of time? I have certain obsessions that I know my brain will be insatiable in solving and that fact alone often stresses me to no end. I feel like I often get frantic & end up crying & having extended panic attacks for days. I’m feeling really scared & I’m even more scared of myself and my inability to get over these thoughts.

My therapist believes every type of anxiety issue including OCD is caused by childhood trauma but I had a really happy childhood - apart from my own mental distress. I started worrying about house fires when I was 7. Never been in a house fire. No one I knew had been in a house fire. Was scared of the devil possessing me - never went to church. Family wasn't religious. Maybe I saw some things in movies that scared me but a lot of children do and don't go on to develop compulsions so I have to think I was just born predisposed to this and it's not a result of trauma. Like maybe I saw a scary movie with the devil but that shouldn't cause months/years of compulsive praying before bedtime and not being able to go to bed until it's "just right"

Has anyone had a therapist say this? I don't know what to say to her because she keeps trying to find trauma and I'm like....sorry lol?? Neither of my parents have anxiety so it wasn't mirrored off them either.