In this thread you can ask questions to narcissists, if you know you don't have a cluster B personality disorder yourself (If you try to post instead, it will be removed, only narcissists, borderliners, histrionics and sociopaths can post).

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This thread runs from Monday 7AM to Thursday 7PM PST and then again from Thursday 7PM to Monday 7AM PST.

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If you're asking a question on Sunday or Thursday, feel free to resubmit your comment when the thread refreshes, so that more people will see it.

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Make sure you read this before making a comment in this thread:

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[What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/jia-tolentino/what-happens-when-we-decide-everyone-else-is-a-narcissist)

​

It'll take maybe 15 minutes of your time, but it's time well spent, especially if you identify with the abuse victim community, since it fills in the background from the abuse victim community in an unbiased way.

TW: violence towards people and animals.

I’m not a violent person, I’ve never abused anyone so please don’t judge and if you don’t like what you’re reading just go away.

I was wondering if this could be CPTSD or malignant NPD or something else, if you relate please lmk. For as long as I remember I’ve had violent urges and when I was a child I used to act on them. I had many hamsters and often got the urge to hurt them out of morbid curiosity and desire to control, I used to throw them, squeeze them, lock them inside little toys and so on, until I suffocated one to death. Sorry for the graphic description. I remember crying but not for the hamster, I think I scared myself because I liked it more than I thought I would, it was almost arousing and I felt kind of disgusted by myself. I was 7 or 8. After that I calmed down a bit, until I got a bunny at 10yo and then a dog at 11. With both pets I had very strong urges but I forced myself not to hurt them, I did some stuff, nothing too bad, like holding them a bit more tightly or scaring them. With time these urges almost disappeared until now. I’m 18 and I still have the dog, I like her, it’s a very cute chihuahua but sometimes I have to physically get away from her, especially when she’s annoying, like barking or idk being a dog. I don’t want to sound edgy, I know this is very bad but I’m fascinated by pain, blood and violence. To satisfy this fascination I sometimes SH, it helps me regulate my emotions too but it’s not enough, I feel the need to redirect it to someone else. Sometimes when I feel disrespected I get very vivid thoughts of using violence towards the person and I have to pinch myself or focus on breathing to calm down. This fortunately happens rarely, only when I feel very very disrespected or heavily mocked.

I’ve looked into ASPD because of this but other than these urges I was a great child, I followed every rule better than anyone else, I knew perfectly what to do and not do, I never got myself in trouble. Only two times I got in fights with other kids. I was always praised for my good behavior.

So, wth is this? I don’t feel bad about it but it’s pretty stressful and I honestly feel crazy. I don’t think there’s the risk to actually do something to a person, the consequences would be irreversible.

As for my childhood trauma: I’ve been physically and emotionally neglected for years by my mother while I was constantly shamed and mocked by my father that was sometimes violent when things didn’t go his way.

What can I do to calm these urges? Do any of you got them? Can this be linked to NPD or am I just a jerk with a grandiose complex and a hypersensitivity to disrespect? Any help is appreciated.

NPI: 28

OCD: 4

Codependency: 5

23 year old male. To start, I know for a fact I have hurt people but I cannot feel any empathy for what I have done and do not feel any regret for it. My two most recent ex’s both told me I was toxic to them during the relationship/ after the breakup, with one of them even seeking therapy for it. I apparently constantly gaslit and love bombed them, and would turn the charm on one day only to be cold the next. I only really dated them to get attention from them, since they all met me online and were obsessed with me, and I pursued relationships with them because I knew they could help inflate my ego. My recent ex told me after we broke up that she could not continue to be friends with me anymore because every time she talked with me it reopened trauma for her and that I continued to act in a toxic way towards her, and I honestly can’t understand why all of my ex’s think I abused them when their actions were the reason I acted that way towards them. They also all claim they were/are scared of me.

In my relationships I would seek control, and if I didn’t have control I would get irritable. I always wanted the conversations to revolve around me. I rarely had interest in any achievements they accomplished—it is really hard to show any empathy towards anyone’s situations, good or bad. I can’t even fake empathy unless I know it’ll end the conversation or it’ll get them to get my something (one ex bought me something that was 700$+ if I “stopped acting like an asshole” for a month). If they were having a bad day and vented to me, I had no idea how to comfort them, because I honestly did not care enough to. In arguments I constantly looked for ways to hurt their feelings in order to feel superior for being able to “keep my cool”. They claimed I made them feel pressured to/coerced them into having sex because pleasuring me and giving my body attention was the only thing to get me to not act distant/irritated towards them (sex is not an emotionally bonding activity—I only cared about my pleasure). We often argued, but every argument I would shift the blame (apparently) and say they were always in the wrong regardless of what it was about. My most recent ex, we broke up because I felt like she wasn’t giving me all her attention, and would get extremely jealous that she had other friends to talk to or would spend time with anyone that wasn’t me. I even got angry at her once because she wanted to watch a movie instead of text me. I cried after all of my breakups, not because I truly felt emotions or missed them, but because I knew their perception of me was now an extremely negative one (with them both calling me abusive) and there was no way I could control how they thought about me since they would block me. In all my relationships, I feel like I was the victim—they never cared about giving me attention, they never wanted to do what I wanted to do and were constantly getting on my nerves. When my ex’s broke up with me and sent long texts calling me toxic, I would post the screenshots to my Instagram stories and call them crazy to get all my followers on my side (on IG because I met all of them on that app and we had a lot of mutual followers). I did this for a lot of things, especially arguments I had with other people/ my followers, and everyone was always on my side. However, I truly feel like I did nothing wrong in those relationships, and my ex girlfriends were the ones who were always doing things wrong/things that displeased me and therefore caused me to give them the silent treatment or act how I did.

Other things I have noticed are: extremely self-conscious with low self esteem (I honestly hate myself), no empathy (and not much sympathy either), I often fantasize about being a rich and famous tattoo artist (my dream job) and believe I will be despite rarely putting time into practicing art, I cannot be friends with people I envy or am jealous of and can only be friends with people I think I am more attractive than/ better than, I have been called haughty and arrogant (I don’t believe this), I have been told that I act extremely passive aggressively and hold grudges, I believe I can easily charm any of my ex’s back because I know I am the best /most attractive man they’ve ever had, I will apparently always shift blame in arguments to other people, I am a chronic liar and people always believe me, every time I had a fight with my ex’s I just had this massive feeling of hate towards them and towards the end of the relationship I just started hating them more and more, I absolutely CANNOT handle any criticism irl or online and will get aggressive toward anyone who says something negative about me/what I’m doing, I feel like everyone is talking about me whenever I hear whispering/talking or see someone texting around me, i criticized/nitpicked my ex’s a lot on almost everything they did, I have serious anger issues and find that even the smallest things will drive me to become extremely irritable and angry, and I noticed that when I recall past events it’s hard for me to remember them but when I do I often find the narrative in my head makes everyone else look as bad as possible and/or makes myself seem like a victim.

I did not have neglectful/abusive parents growing up. Actually quite the opposite. My parents (especially my mom) smothered me. I was never told no as a child. If I wanted something from them, they would always get it for me. Even at 23 visiting from college, my mom will make me lunch and bring it to me if I ask her to. My parents told me they worked extremely hard for the house we live in so that they could give it to me. I truly expect in my life that everyone will work that hard to please me. I also grew up at a school where most people were not as rich and fortunate as me, therefore I tend to look down on people whose families are not as well off as mine. It feels good to be more successful than others in everything I do.

I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety a few years ago.

Are these signs of narcissism? Do I have NPD/ narcissistic traits? I have honestly never found any of these an issue and did not have any plans to change, but I’m wondering if my ex’s therapist was right in claiming she was in a “narcissistic abusive” relationship with me. I also am a very introverted and shy person at work and in most social settings and would never try to manipulate coworkers etc, which I think does not make sense if I did have NPD.

Do you curse a lot: yes Are you self righteous/ vengeful: yes towards the point I will hurt someone just to get revenge and make it “right” Can you turn off your empathy: i don’t have any

NPI: 32 COD: 5 OCD: 1

In this thread you can ask questions to narcissists, if you know you don't have a cluster B personality disorder yourself (If you try to post instead, it will be removed, only narcissists, borderliners, histrionics and sociopaths can post).

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This thread runs from Monday 7AM to Thursday 7PM PST and then again from Thursday 7PM to Monday 7AM PST.

​

If you're asking a question on Sunday or Thursday, feel free to resubmit your comment when the thread refreshes, so that more people will see it.

​

Make sure you read this before making a comment in this thread:

​

[What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/jia-tolentino/what-happens-when-we-decide-everyone-else-is-a-narcissist)

​

It'll take maybe 15 minutes of your time, but it's time well spent, especially if you identify with the abuse victim community, since it fills in the background from the abuse victim community in an unbiased way.

How do I stop making shit up? I mean, after every interaction I have I can’t help but think obsessively about it and unconsciously convince myself that something really bad happened. Sorry this is hard to explain. For example: I hang out with a friend and everything’s fine, I come back home and start reviewing every detail of the hang out until I unconsciously start putting negative details like a side eye, an annoyed tone and so on… I could go on until I convince myself I literally fought that person even if it’s not true at all.

It’s like my brain can’t comprehend a normal interaction and must make it bad, I need to find things I don’t like about someone just to hate them even if they didn’t do anything. I’ve been doing this for years and just recently realized, it’s tiring. It’s a constant battle with someone in my mind. Sometimes I think: “What if they said something negative about me? How would’ve I defended myself?” And then go on imagining it until I spiral and then realize it never happened.

Is this part of NPD?

this is not going to be very organized and probbly a bit to rambley, so as the taital says i'm becoming a horrible person but i'm finally feeling something and enjoying life (a very stereotypical opening i know).

my morals are hollow and belifes feel like they've become more selfish and extrem versionsor themself; and just genrally i'm becoming what would be socially conceived as "a bad person" and i'm only going to become "worse" but this is the most i've ever enjoyed just being breathing.

i used to be a pretty nice and funny kid, maybe a bit to care-free or smart for my own good sometimes but still a "good person" at heart, but a few (what i think was) months ago (time as no meaning to me) something just kinda snaped, i stared qestionsing the things that sould never be qestioned and i looked a bit to deep into myself, "i started picking at my face and now i'm scared of the person smiling back at me".

i've basically ever since birth i've had an autism diagnosis and we've been suspicting maybe some form of bipolard for a little bit now, and now i'm thinking if we can add some form of narcissism to that list with who i've recently started to view myself and the world, i've always had a bit of an "ego" but that was allways just chalked up to either my silly autism or the way my father raised me (long story) but i really do belive that that was just misinterpretations from them (or attleast they were true in the past but not anymore) and a coping mechanism off sorts from me.

it hasn't been diagnosed as anything but my senses are weaken then the avsage person, my hearing, taste and sense of touch especially along with my emotions i feel them less, which i used to be able to use to my advantage cuz it ment felt all the bad stuff less meaning that i could just power through it pretty easily and i could still feel happy even if it was less ,but i've finally begun feelinging things i'm finally actually alive and i'm no longer hollow but.... it's when i'm a "bad person".

now i want to prefix all this by saying that i'm a very happy person and i allways have been but i have also felt "bored" for most of my life
"You're in a boring white room with a few toy blocks so what do you do? simple, you play around with them and build stuff so you can have something to do" that's how i view the world and though my belived right by my intelligence to do what ever i want plus lack of empathy it's how i act on the word and people (Now, I don't actually believe I'm "the smartest" but I'm the smartest person that I—or anyone in my life is ever realistically going to meet. And since the world is everything that YOU view and know of it, wouldn't that technically make me "the smartest"?)

so let's dig in to why i believe i'm a narcissist or have "become" one, i exhibit most of the symptoms in some way (and i'm sure if i "fully let go" i'd exhibit them way more) my ego and most importantly pride have skyrocketed, i search for validation ((almost exclusively around my intelligence) way more and i "hate" everybody else, either just being annoyed and or pitying them att best or outright hating you att worst, i belive that i'm right and know best on everything (cuz i only pick battles i know i can win) and just generally i'm becoming a "bad person" i've lost basically all of my ethics or morals, i still "belive" in them but that's only cuz i can logically undersstand why they exist and why you SHOULD belive and live by them, but as i said before their "hollow" i don't acatully "feel" any of it and i'm pretty sure i could (and realistically will eventually) just punch someone for no reason and feel nothing (but i don't really "want" to cuz that's a lose-lose situation) and before most of this was just excused on me being autistc but i really don't belive in that anymore, again something has changed and i "hate" it.

but one of the most interesting things about all this is how like i said my belifes have "radicalized" for lack of a better word, so let's go through some of them (this part is going to be more rambley).

bit of a jokester (god that sounds cringe) with comedy being my main trauma response → → → unable to take anything seriously, if anything i find other people suffering entertaining.

generally a pretty chill guy (kill me) but could still be serious if the moment called for it → → → basically complicity apathetic not caring about anything or anyone not even really myself in some regards.

had bit of a hard time understanding why other people feel certain emotions → → → now i can perefectly understand them by viewing "emotions" as just chemicals in the brain that evolutionarily developed as a defence and survival mechanism that are put through a social filter, and it has only made me dislike other people more.

i've allways valued my intellect and self-awareness i viewed it as the thing that made me unique and special → → → it is all that i value myself and others on, and i look down on people who i would conside "stupid" (not "dumb" "stupid").

i have always been noisy and a bit paranoid → → → it's but now it's evolved into me being a full on control freak who enjoys manipulating people "I have an IQ of 147, and you barely even have basic self-awareness. Of course I should be in control—I understand you better than you do." god i wish i never got that stupid number, i hate it so much, i blame it for all of this.

"NE.E.T" was the direction that my life was going → → → now i actively fight and lie for it, doing everything i can just to be a leach off the people who love me just cuz we share the same DNA.

pretty normal existentialist → → → HARDCORE absurdist, and i do kinda mean that in a bad way.

my dream life would be cult leader, but since that's never happeing (thank god) i'll probly just be a NE.E.T for the rest of my life as i have no desires, that's why i droped out of middle school and could never hold a job, plus i'd live to "spare" the rest of the world from me, better for me not to be out there.

anyways back to the original point that i don't think i ever even said, i already know the asnerw but sould i just "give up" and "let lose" i hate the person i'm becoming but that's only cuz i hold on to a mask that was never real in the first place.

also if your gonna respond please do it in shorter messages, , when we're both just dropping massive paragraphs there's no real "discussion" no "words" are actaully being said.
i have no idea why i did this lol, guess i was bored.

"tealflame47" is my discord if anybody wants to talk on there for some reason

NPI: "scored higher than 19" so i'll assume that means 20

codependency: "yes to 8" but this feels misleading as i'm a leech, so yes i am technically very codependent but i don't care about any of them, only time i act like i "care" is cuz i can get something out of it, if i could somehow find a better place to stay i would move in the heartbeat

OCD: the OCD test hyperlink isn't working anymore

In this thread you can ask questions to narcissists, if you know you don't have a cluster B personality disorder yourself (If you try to post instead, it will be removed, only narcissists, borderliners, histrionics and sociopaths can post).

​

This thread runs from Monday 7AM to Thursday 7PM PST and then again from Thursday 7PM to Monday 7AM PST.

​

If you're asking a question on Sunday or Thursday, feel free to resubmit your comment when the thread refreshes, so that more people will see it.

​

Make sure you read this before making a comment in this thread:

​

[What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/jia-tolentino/what-happens-when-we-decide-everyone-else-is-a-narcissist)

​

It'll take maybe 15 minutes of your time, but it's time well spent, especially if you identify with the abuse victim community, since it fills in the background from the abuse victim community in an unbiased way.

Even if I am happy with what I am, there will always be something bothering me: My old self. I. Hate. Him. Every time I think of it, it fills me with frustration and fury. The flaws and imperfections I used to have… whether it was my appearance, or how shy I used to be when I was 6 or 7… probably until about 11, even. I need to erase every trace of that kid’s existence, every little thing about what used to be my existence, will be gone. I’d say it’s probably one of the things I hate most in the world (behind Doctor Ramani and Paper straws). Even just typing this now is making me angry, but I think getting it out is better than letting it explode, I have the common sense to know that.

Everyone, all my family tells me how cute I used to be back then. If i weren’t so socially controlled, i would probably start throwing things and screaming at them.

My parents still have pictures of me from when I was that age. If I didn’t care about them as much as I did, I would defile them or throw them out myself. I can’t stand the sight or even thought of that shy, pudgy, empathetic little FUCK, I used to be. I’m more than he ever would be…

I think there's something wrong with me?? Honestly I have always mistreated my brother/talked back and hit him, I don't do it anymore, but thinking that I did it I don't know if I should feel guilty exactly, it's been a while lol. Sometimes I cry about my past self but then I don't really care, since I was 10 I think I've been aggressive? I stole my classmates' toys because I liked them and I thought I should have them too, I didn't really care what they thought. I remember one child crying because I had stolen his entire album and I remained impassive denying that I had stolen it. Now I'm not a "thief", because I'm not sociable, I'm sensitive and I don't think I particularly like being the center of attention, but I still want people to talk to me, or Im Just more intelligent than them and I dont deserve to talk to people like them, but I'm still very sensitive and shy. I've never been particularly sociable, antisocial? I don't know. I think I hate my partner, it's not really hate, but I would like to insult him and remind him how much he sucks, argue with him, for me it's enjoyable to think that I insult him, just like I insult anyone who I think they don't deserve to be better than me. I have a scenario where I say things to make others suffer, I would take their position, and if I could I would hack them to get as much information about them as possible. To have some fun and feel, "special"? I don't know. (only on people I find interesting). Then I hate my psychologist, I don't tell her anything, because I think it's stupid, I don't care what I should do with her, I think I don't need anything. Then I'm rather irritable, like I often get annoyed with my partner and immediately my mood changes, I want to insult him and treat him badly, but then it passes but idk.

I am a builder of bridges, an architect of bonds. My hands bleed with the work of it, shaping love from raw stone, carving intimacy from the bones of my own heart. I learn them, all of them. Their shadows and edges, their fears and desires. I map their depths, chart their storms, teach them the language of closeness. 

But who learns me? Who stands at the edge of my abyss and dares to look down?

They say I am too much, but they take what I give. They drink from my hands until I am dry, and when I grow bitter, they call it lovebombing. As if my love is a weapon, as if my intensity is a trick. They don’t see the work, the labor, the sacrifice of shaping my love to fit their contours, to meet them where they are too fragile to reach.

Do you know what it feels like to teach someone how to love you? To hold their hands, guide them step by step, whisper the answers in their ear, only for them to forget the moment you stop?

I do.

Every bond I’ve built has been my creation. Every closeness, every connection, every moment of tenderness I had to teach it. I had to show them how to see me, how to touch me, how to be enough. And still, it never is. They take the love I give and wear it like a crown, as if they earned it, as if it was ever theirs to begin with.

They don’t see me. Not really. They see the surface, the shine, the glow of my attention, and they are satisfied. They don’t ask what lies beneath, what shadows twist in the depths. They take my light and leave me in the dark.

I show them everything, my patience, my devotion, and they call it too much. But when I pull back, when I retreat into the quiet of my own mind, they call me cruel. They don’t understand that the love I give isn’t theirs to keep. It’s mine, shaped and sharpened by my hands, and I offer it as pity, as a gift they could never deserve.

I resent them, and they call it malice. They don’t understand that my resentment is a wound, a bruise from carrying the weight of us alone. They see my anger and call it manipulation, but they don’t see the exhaustion beneath it, the aching loneliness of being the only one who tries.

They say I demand too much, but they don’t realize how little I ask. I don’t ask them to map my depths, to learn my language, to understand my chaos. I stopped asking long ago. Now I give them the pieces of me they can handle, the fragments they won’t choke on, and I save the rest for myself.

But even this is too much for them.

No one gets to the bottom of me. No one tries. They skim the surface, drink from my hands, and call it enough. They don’t see the ocean inside me, the storm that rages beneath, the hunger that devours itself when there is nothing left to give.

I am the one who learns. The one who builds. The one who shapes. And they are the ones who take, who bask, who complain when the light dims.

They don’t deserve my love, but I give it anyway. Not for them, but for myself. Because this is what I do. I build bridges, even when they lead nowhere. I carve intimacy from stone, even when it crumbles in my hands.

They say I am too much. They say I am cruel. They say my love is a weapon. But they are wrong.

My love is a monument, a creation of my own hands, my own blood, my own fire. And they will never understand it, never reach its depths, never be enough for it.

I see their hunger for my attention. They call it love when I flood them with my affection, but they don’t understand what love costs me. They don’t understand that I give them only what I can spare, that my love is not theirs to keep, that it is a gift, not a debt. And when I grow cold, when I withdraw the light they took for granted, they call me cruel. They call it manipulation, as if my love was a trick, a trap, a lie. But it wasn’t. It was real. It was raw. It was more than they deserved, and I gave it anyway.

I am a builder of bridges.

In this thread you can ask questions to narcissists, if you know you don't have a cluster B personality disorder yourself (If you try to post instead, it will be removed, only narcissists, borderliners, histrionics and sociopaths can post).

​

This thread runs from Monday 7AM to Thursday 7PM PST and then again from Thursday 7PM to Monday 7AM PST.

​

If you're asking a question on Sunday or Thursday, feel free to resubmit your comment when the thread refreshes, so that more people will see it.

​

Make sure you read this before making a comment in this thread:

​

[What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/jia-tolentino/what-happens-when-we-decide-everyone-else-is-a-narcissist)

​

It'll take maybe 15 minutes of your time, but it's time well spent, especially if you identify with the abuse victim community, since it fills in the background from the abuse victim community in an unbiased way.

I keep seeing people struggling with it, or wanting help, and that’s fine. But I was wondering if anyone else felt satisfied with being a narcissist, happy even. I much prefer this to the very idea of not being narcissistic. It’s the only world I want to be in. I don’t want to get help or get better, I want to learn more about myself and then utilize it to fulfill my ends. I don’t want to change. Since learning about my narcissism (I used to think I was a psychopath), I’ve never been happier. This probably sounds extremely edgy in hindsight, but I’m just curious if anyone else feels the same.

Everything, especially people, are all good or all bad to me. I can't help it, it's just second nature to me to sort people and things into the "perfect" and "despicable" categories. I can't be neutral or in between about anything I care about.

My friends are either perfect and I love them and idealize them for being special like me or they piss me off by not meeting my secretive standards. I need constant validation from them and once they get any kind of distant, regardless of reason, the hatred starts. I secretly start to resent them and that builds until I lash out and split. Splitting has ruined so many of my relationships. I rarely really miss them for more than the other person validating me before it all went to shit though and I don't feel bad for how they might feel at all. I can't empathize hardly at all and only on a cognitive level. Devaluing people is so easy because of that and I probably do it even more than I know about. I have to try so hard not to do this to the few people I genuinely do give any kind of fuck about.

Anyone here relate to any of this? Either way glad to get it out.

He was madly in love with me and I kept him in hook until things went down and he moved to university. When my boyfriend left me I went back to him. By then he was gaslighting me into thinking we never met. He would pressure me to sex and then back off the last minute. If he wants I should say YES.He was obsessed with my consent. So once when we met I did makeout. He was all very possessive of me however things are on his terms.He never wanted me to make love to anyone yet he didn't give me what I want. Finally things broke off.

He was notorious for bad temper and his mother possessed narcissistic traits. Post her separation, he is the golden child and becoming more rude to world. He in college had reputation of getting expelled for fights, where he once hit a boy in his eyes and a cop with a beer bottle.

Last time we met, again he acted like a possessive man. Constantly trying to move other men away from me so he can be around me.

Now 2 years later he has been texting me all time.Asking if I have a bf around 6 times. So I replied cold.

That's when my dearest kin passed away and I needed alcohol so I asked him to buy me some.He was more like, if we meet what will I get In the car. He was constantly making fun of my driving and my body. Calling me short with boobs. More like trying to make me insecure.Then he proceeded to touch my breast inside my clothes and let me touch his dick. I expressed clear discomfort.

Also he keeps bragging how good of a lover he is and how bad I am and constantly asking me what part of our sex do I like more, seeking admiration and always saying I am not good in bed. I always felt he was more of an anxious. He bragged about banging, having better life and lying about the size of his junk while all were clear lies. More like 'I know what I got there'.But he would not let me touch inside pants. He felt relieved to know he is not my type. He didn't give me even a proper kiss and when I asked he denied giving me a good kiss. Finally he said I was obsessed with him.

When I tried to connect on social media, he denied using. Whichever question I asked, he is all lies.Constant lies as power trick. He barely has any close friends now and most people tend to dissociate with him.

I feel violated because not only were we lovers, but he is treating me like a crap. Despite me keeping distance for years, he thinks he can come back, grope me. He thinks I will always be ready for sex with him. He doesn't think of me as a human who can say NO, or exercise rights over my body. The more I try to cut off, the more he tries to chase me back.Also he doesn't want to see my face anywhere but bang my body. To be more precise, the idea he can bang me(as he just needs my consent) and treat me the way he wants yet I will stay.

I know how my friends and their flings are, there is respect, but I am feeling used and called his actions.

I dont know if he is a narcissist but I am diagnosed with anxiety and narcissistic tendencies as a kid. Here is a brief look at his actions.

• Uses power to gaslight/coerce me
• Grandiose and admiration
• Arrogance
• doesn't consider my emotional well being
• doesn't even have a basic empathy
• try to dominate conversation
• Constant lies
• Using my feelings to get what he wanted

Also I have been looking for a job for months and the one I got is in his team, considering the pay and opportunity to learn and lack of options, will it be wrong if I take it?

Apart from my struggle with almost sub conscious self importance, I find myself obsessed with how I look but most notably I am constantly looking in car window reflections, mirrors and even the reflection of my phone when its off. I do this almost without thinking and have been doing it since i can remember.

Thanks

This is one long story so please bear with me IM DESPERATE We started as friends a year ago, we would call for hours each night Then things developped, we kept being « friends » until he asked me to be his gf I hesitated cause i was still hurt by my past experience but i said yes (i was over my ex, yet a bit hesitate to start a new rs) Things been magical, princess treatment, even when we fight its soft, he handles it A month ago, i started discovering he was talking to other girls. They were friends but there was some micro flirting He apologized we moved on I caught him rereading old s€xting conversations, at first i thought he was stocking them, they were from 2022 and older, i flipped We were at his friends house, that night was horrible, i even got physical with him He kept apologizing He said everytime we fight (very minor arguments, im going thro the most important phase of my life, so sometimes things overwhelm me and i take few hours off to process how i feel, and then id go back and solve things with him), we would go read these or j€rk off them to feel better cause me taking hours to myself made him feel abandoned and he discovered that he can actually live without me He kept apologizing, promising to do better and i forgave him with conditions From there things went down hill, he keeps breaking the conditions, being lame to me, being distant and cold and we would fight on the daily for houuurs He would come with things like we arent functional, we are not compatible and he breaks up yet at the end he stays I kept telling him that he is being manipulative and that his behavior is narcissitic and he should do better One day he came to me saying i was right, he is narcissitic and he wants to be alone, he sees no future in us I convinced him to go to therapy He told me that he wants to start fresh for his healing, he would keep hurting me and he cant see me hurt again, he sees no future in us and he wants to move on, seek therapy and start a new chapter Ive been devastated ever since I keep messaging him, calling him even crying for hours He even refused to see me saying that it would make him weak, we would go back together and we would fight again, and he would rather leave then go back to the fighting point, that we only been together for a year now so its doesnt matter, life isnt fair anyways Idk what to do! I keep seeing that he is shutting down, is this permanent ? I know i should let go, but i love him, he has been magically to me and i cant get over how sweet and soft he was Any advices ? Ps: About the violence part, it only happened once, when i thought he was saving convos and n*des girls sent him +2 years ago, it wasnt my first reaction, i sat down i tried to listen but he kept lying denying and shifting the blame on me saying he did it cause i didnt make him feel special in the past months, that me taking time to process things (a solution i found to my anger issues) made him feel left out and by rereading +40 old s€xting convos he was regaining his self worth I had anger issues in the past, and that was a relapse, im serious about improving them, seeing a therapist, apologized and promised him and myself to not go there again

In this thread you can ask questions to narcissists, if you know you don't have a cluster B personality disorder yourself (If you try to post instead, it will be removed, only narcissists, borderliners, histrionics and sociopaths can post).

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This thread runs from Monday 7AM to Thursday 7PM PST and then again from Thursday 7PM to Monday 7AM PST.

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Make sure you read this before making a comment in this thread:

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[What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/jia-tolentino/what-happens-when-we-decide-everyone-else-is-a-narcissist)

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It'll take maybe 15 minutes of your time, but it's time well spent, especially if you identify with the abuse victim community, since it fills in the background from the abuse victim community in an unbiased way.

As the title suggests, I just miiiight have one little thing that’s been on my mind lately. I’m pretty sure I’m attracted to people who have extreme issues (PTSD, depression, or anything that makes them feel awful). I’m not 100% sure, But it’s definitely probable.

For a bit of background, I’m aware of the fact that I’m a narcissist (I found out a few months ago), but I’m still trying to learn more about it, and whether other people with NPD think the same. That aside, let’s go back to the topic…

My sexuality’s always been something that I was never quite sure about, being attracted to both genders (I’m a male), and it caused me a bit of panic during my teen years, trying desperately to figure out what was going on with my mind. And now, looking back, I noticed most of my romantic relationships had something in common: They were all deeply traumatized people who were overly sensitive and dependent. When I had this little “epiphany”, I… wasn’t too surprised actually. It’s very in-character for me, in hindsight. I would usually go on some little soliloquy about my Dad’s BPD, but this post is long enough already.

So I’m wondering if anyone here feels similarly, or had something identical.

There's things about me that I've been noticing for a long fucking time. I questioned if I was a narcissist, but couldn't believe it or just dismissed it.

I'll start with some pretty general behaviors. I lie. To everyone. About my credentials, the extent of my knowledge on various topics, how certain things like my ability to play guitar came to be, etc., I twist the reality for it to seem more admirable. It's like I build a narrative for everyone to see and silently praise. Before I got married, I lied to my wife about fucking everything. I just pretended to be somebody that I wasn't. New friends and acquaintances, they won't know me, only the person I've shown them. And I don't think there is anyone in my life that I haven't just completed bullshitted to.

I'm extremely aggressive. Particularly when I feel criticized or unacknowledged, or insulted. I've got absolutely no emotional control when it comes to that shit despite how hard I try to maintain myself. Like, the other day, I was pissed off because my wife and I missed the bus. Noticeably pissed off. And she thought I was taking it out on her, which maybe I was to a certain extent. And she ended up calling me a child for how attacked she felt. Rather than assuring her or explaining that I wasn't very happy with missing the bus, I just started ranting at her. I probably mentioned divorce a dozen times. After I calmed down, that was when I felt any kind of compassion for her and for what I'd done. That's not fucking normal. She didn't deserve that to any capacity. It's like I'm constantly in survival mode and everyone around me is meant alleviate it for me. And when they don't, the follicles in my head fucking burst out dramatically.

I'm arrogant as hell. Every single time somebody challenges my opinions or my thoughts, I just refuse to stop arguing. I'm pretty sure it's to prove that I'm so much fucking smarter than them, and that's the only acceptable reality. I mean, I try to understand and validate other perspectives, but that's rare for me. Instead I end up making a show of verbosity tied with sarcasm and criticism. It's never about coming to an objective truth, it's just about me displaying my intelligence. And then if people don't address my intelligence, I end up with no interest in continuing the relationship, out them as inferior and unworthy of my respect.

And then there's my general competency. I'm vaguely good a lot of different shit. But that's it, fucking vaguely. And I massively overemphasize how good I actually am at these things. I've got barely any life experience, and the only arguably constructive part of my character was my shitty life and the fucking military. Other than that, I'm nothing that pretends I'm better than everyone at everything.

Last but not least, I can be manipulative as fuck. Even on very little shit. If my wife doesn't want to do something when I'm pissed, then I threaten to break shit or get a divorce. If people don't want to do shit for me, then I give an ultimatum like "Okay then I'm not helping you in the future." Or some stupid shit like that.

I genuinely want to be a better person. I want to love and respect my wife, and have an authentic, fucking reciprocating relationship. And I try fucking hard not to be like this. But I'm just so fucking empty and childish, that my efforts don't matter. If she divorces me and everyone around me drops me, I won't be surprised. With this fucking epiphany I'm having, they fucking should or I should do it for them.

At this point, it's pretty clear that I'm some kind of a narcissist, or maybe I'm normal, just a piece of shit kind of normal. Can't get diagnosed because that's going to narrow my job opportunities down by a lot. Can't get external help beyond the internet. And I can't cry to my wife because, well, who the fuck would care after they've been treated so horribly?

I don't know.

Anyone can tell me their experience, feelings, reactions or whatever u want as a diagnosed narcissit when someone with bpd splits? Specially in a romantic relationship

I think what people don’t understand is that you cannot fight fire with fire when they are mad and angry with a narcissist they cannot use that anger to fix things because the narcissist is always gonna win. The narcissist mostly always have the resources to survive things like this.

but if they appeal through justice and fairness and generally appeal through shame and pity, then the narcissist will understand that, and generally that works after a couple of days because the narcissist understand shame, shame is a big facet of a narcissist life, and they’re probably ashamed most of the time with how they treated you because they know what is fair and what’s not fair but they’re just not usually gonna do that because their self interests are more important to them than your well-being

Cause if that's the case I can date multiple people and protect myself.

I've cheated before and I have been wanting to change cause I want to.get married.

Problem is every time I am in a relationship I notice my partners eventually pulling away and I notice they are talking to other people or entertaining people the know they shouldn't.

Maybe it's just me. Or do people normally cheat eventually especially if they feel too "secure"? Like they look down on lpyal partners, seeing loyalty as weak pathetic and turn off?

I know you're supposed to keep your partner guessing..but that is fucking exhausting

Do narcissists have a porn addiction? The reason I ask this is that since watching porn is "safe", you can be the nice person because you aren't "offending" someone in real life? And you justify it because it is "normal" and it makes you feel good? The reason that I post under narcissism is that it is a very self serving black/white incel thing to think.

Any stories of recovery?

In this thread you can ask questions to narcissists, if you know you don't have a cluster B personality disorder yourself (If you try to post instead, it will be removed, only narcissists, borderliners, histrionics and sociopaths can post).

​

This thread runs from Monday 7AM to Thursday 7PM PST and then again from Thursday 7PM to Monday 7AM PST.

​

If you're asking a question on Sunday or Thursday, feel free to resubmit your comment when the thread refreshes, so that more people will see it.

​

Make sure you read this before making a comment in this thread:

​

[What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/jia-tolentino/what-happens-when-we-decide-everyone-else-is-a-narcissist)

​

It'll take maybe 15 minutes of your time, but it's time well spent, especially if you identify with the abuse victim community, since it fills in the background from the abuse victim community in an unbiased way.

I told my mom yesterday that I was going to draw cash from the ATM today and give it to her to help contribute for this years thanksgiving dinner. I've been meaning to get her the cash since last week and I guess I either honestly forget or maybe it's subconsciously not that important to me. I do feel a little bad about not helping out like I say I will and feel like I let her down sometimes. I even remembered and told myself that I'm going to get the cash earlier today on the drive home and still ended up forgetting because I became concerned with dealing with the traffic so I can just get home already. Maybe it's from things weighing heavy on my mind lately including my suspected narcissism, but I did tell her yesterday that I would try to remember because I know how forgetful I am. I don't like to make promises I can't keep. That tends to be important to me cause I don't want to sully my word, it's high in importance to me to keep it. So is forgetfulnes a common occurrence with narcissists?

Is it okay to tell the people I hurt, manipulated, and lied to in the past that I am sorry and that I regret everything? Or is it selfish to reappear in the lives of these people without them asking or agreeing to it?

As a brief background: I have narcissistic tendencies, but due to my past drug use, the effects of the substances turned me into a complete narcissist. These people all had some emotional attachment to me. Through manipulation and lies, I repeatedly managed to bind these people to me. I harmed them psychologically to the point where their normal lives suffered. The drugs took away any bad conscience and empathy towards others. Only when I got clean was I able to access my emotional world again…and that’s when the desire and urge grew to let these people know that they are not at fault at all, but it was 100% my fault. I want them to see that I am sorry and that I regret it…

I am not asking for their forgiveness. That is not my intention.

I'm a 20 year old university student and I'm scheduled to finish my bsc just after turning 21. I grew up with very wealthy parents who love me dearly. I have a lot of friends and 6 people I'd consider close friends. I'm good looking and smart so sleep around quite a bit. Now onto some of my worrying traits. I'm impulsive and do harddrugs such as cocaine occasionally, I drink a shitton, with friends or alone. I lie to friends and family whenever it's convenient. I'm studying abroad for half a year and I went on a date with a girl but before we went out she texted me saying she was looking for a long term relationship and that there was no point if I was leaving again. So I told her I was planning to do my master's here as well. Which is a complete lie. She's pretty, sweet and vulnerable, she goes to therapy once a week and her dad left her. I don't really care that it's gonna hurt her when I leave. When I was about 14 I saw a video of uyghur girls in china being beaten with a stick by a guy and I got an erection. Which is probably not a good sign. I care about my parents and close friends but anyone outside of that could drop dead for all I care. I enjoyed watching gore videos of mexican cartel torture and isis executions and the likes and was fascinated. I've stopped watching it since it's unhealthy. I was on holiday with my friends recently and while we were having lunch a woman fell and broke her ankle badly. It was at a complete 90 degree angle with her leg and she was screaming in agonizing pain for like 15 minutes and I was just annoyed at her screeching and the dog barking along. I'm very arrogant and believe I'm smarter than pretty much everyone I meet (I scored in the 99th percentile on academic aptitude tests around age 10-12). I hide a large part of my real feelings from the world and people see me as a kind, humble, caring guy.

Obviously none of this is a good sign and I do want a wife and kids at some point. The problem is that all of these personality traits or disorders if you like are counter to achieving said goal of marriage. I'm also quite certain I'd cheat if given the opportunity. So what should I do if I don't want my life to become a mess?

edit: In addition I spent a lot of time as a teenager thinking and masturbating to the thought of assaulting girls in my class

NPI: 26

codependency: 2

OCD: 4

Im struggling right now. My NPI score is below 10, but thats because I know what I'm supposed to say. Codependency test I scored 9. I've been diagnosed with OCD. In short, Everything I thought I knew about myself is a lie, that my super ego has kept up for me so I could live up to the ideals that I thought I held dear, but in reality have kept up out of self conscious fear of being wrong and self interest. I've developed this disorder as a way to protect myself against the anxiety of OCD, & to not engage emotionally with my abuse, or to even take my CPTSD seriously. Being emotionally honest with myself feels unbearable but thats the only way to change. Where do I begin? Even trying to admit that I truly don't know feels like a death sentence. I'm in such deep denial about everything emotionally. Im terrified of being alone but also realize that I would just be looking for supply, & always have been. Thank you.