A relatively new to this sub but getting a lot of nourishment and insight (I think).

I'm 46 years old and even though I excelled in academics and athletics as a child, I've struggled to make a meaningful transition into adulthood. If I'm narcissistic (which I believe I am) it's on the covert side.

I recently got a job as an intern at a community college I've been a student at for one semester. It's working on a NASA funded research project.

One of the things that I really related to when I read the narcissism wiki is that narcissist s have something like social anxiety but it's actually a fear of humiliation. That really hit home. And that one potential treatment modality for this is exposure therapy.

Well I've been getting my share of that at this internship!

Without going into all the details I'll say I feel humiliated and shut out from any sort of challenging work in the lab, And like I'm not getting the respect and admiration I deserve.

Everyday every week I'm trying to lovingly build myself back up to have the courage to show up there another day.

So I guess we finally get to the point of my post. I'm noticing today all those attempts of building myself back up are very self-centered. I want access to more challenging work. (All the Is in the following sentences should be emphasized just not sure how to do it here) I know I'm better than this and deserve another chance. I want to contribute something meaningful. I want to look good and for everyone to be impressed and amazed and so glad I'm around with lots of praise and admiration. It's all I I I I...

Not questions like what does the group really need and how can I be a part of the project? Is this really the right environment for me? Do they need my gifts? Even these questions feel like nudges in a different direction but not totally clear on what I should be asking myself instead.

Thanks for reading. Open to any input or suggestions or just relating would be great too.

Im not 100% sure whether or not im a narcissist but I do know I have some narcissistic tendencies, anyway I saw the post by u/due-confection9406

That talked about the inner and the outer self and a subsequent comment about how they can “switch” it really resonated with me

At the moment pretty often I feel like the shell that someone in the replies described. Like i feel empty not really motivated to do anything, not full of life, atleast since I came to university.

I did notice when I went home from uni back to my family I was still my grandeur self and got on really well with my family but now im at uni I just feel empty and have no motivation to do anything.

Sometimes when im on my own my self esteem is really high but other times it just completely tanks I have friends here that ive had for 7 years and I have no motivation to meet them or do anything at all. I cant tell if im depressed or I developed light social anxiety or something but in the last year and a half, in general, my self esteem and grandeur and inner self that the post i referenced talk about only really appears when im on my own. I dont want to speak to people, I dont want to interact, I only speak to people when I need something from them.

This isnt to say im doing bad socially like everyone in my flat likes me because being as I am im still charming and outgoing when I speak to them but 80% of the time I just feel nothing, and fill my day with cheap dopamine hits so I dont get bored.

I cant tell if this is something about being in a new unfamiliar place like university. Or if ive got myself into a bad cycle or something but I really feel like a shell of myself and not sure why.

In this thread you can ask questions to narcissists, if you know you don't have a cluster B personality disorder yourself (If you try to post instead, it will be removed, only narcissists, borderliners, histrionics and sociopaths can post).

​

This thread runs from Monday 7AM to Thursday 7PM PST and then again from Thursday 7PM to Monday 7AM PST.

​

If you're asking a question on Sunday or Thursday, feel free to resubmit your comment when the thread refreshes, so that more people will see it.

​

Make sure you read this before making a comment in this thread:

​

[What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/jia-tolentino/what-happens-when-we-decide-everyone-else-is-a-narcissist)

​

It'll take maybe 15 minutes of your time, but it's time well spent, especially if you identify with the abuse victim community, since it fills in the background from the abuse victim community in an unbiased way.

11/2/24, 11 am - 12:30 pm EST, on Zoom

Click here to get the link/be added to the main group chat.

Topic: What things do you grieve about your childhood and/or life pre-self-awareness? What is your experience of grief and crying? Has feeling grief influenced your healing?

What this support group is:

A confidential space for people struggling with pathological narcissism/NPD to find destigmatized information, seek and offer support, and practice unmasked vulnerability among others who get it.

See link for additional information/community guidelines. Feel free to DM with any questions/suggestions for future topics.

Hi everyone, I recently got out of a two-year relationship in which both my partner and I went to the same therapist. During one of their sessions, the therapist mentioned to my partner that they thought I might be narcissistic but asked them not to tell me… but they did. Since then, I’ve been feeling terrible, and as I start navigating life alone, I’m trying to find answers.

The reason they might have said this about me could be because, during my relationship, I was always controlling and criticizing my partner’s decisions. It’s hard for me to judge if this was narcissistic behavior because I honestly thought most of my criticisms were justified. However, I can’t shake the feeling that my compulsion to influence his decisions rather than leaving the relationship might indicate narcissism. The thought scares me—I don’t want to have this impact on those around me, and if I do have these mental health issues, I want to be aware of them.

What I’ve realized about myself is that I tend to think of myself as special, even without specific achievements, but I thought everyone feels that way about themselves? I also found it hard to fill out the NPI test because I felt the questions were too extreme; neither option really seemed like me.

With my partner, my control showed up in ways like making him feel inadequate or that his decisions were flawed. At the time, I thought I was doing it for good reasons, hoping it would motivate him by addressing his fears, like saying he wouldn’t become anyone if he didn’t pull himself together—but it completely broke him, and I’m deeply ashamed.

Another possible sign of narcissism is that I struggle to feel happy for my friends if their achievements surpass mine. I’ve always been focused on my appearance and have had plastic surgery, though I’ve never thought of myself as better-looking or smarter than everyone, just most people. However, I do often feel I’m somehow “above average.” I also enjoy being the most attractive woman wherever I go, but I don’t feel crushed if I don’t get that validation. I used to think these were healthy feelings, but now I’m beginning to question myself.

I’m empathetic, although I’ve questioned whether I cultivated this empathy just to reinforce an image of myself as a “good person.”

My father is narcissistic, and he broke my mother down, so after their divorce when I was 16, I took on a parental role and gained a position of power within the family. I strongly control both my mother and younger brother, but since they both have ADHD, I felt they needed me in that way.

Can you help me figure out how to cope with these thoughts on my own until I can see a psychologist? Since my partner confronted me, I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night from bad dreams, spending 10-11 hours a day on my phone, reading this forum and other online sources. The question has been deeply upsetting because I never considered myself narcissistic before. My mother once suggested I think about it, given her experience with my father.

NPI 20 Codepency 11 OCD 0

F26

https://imgur.com/a/HK6IhPX

I cant help but have this feeling that our whole Western society is totally narcissistic. It is all about the self: self-achievement, self-improvement, self-worth. There is no room for community, for other people. When we have, others have not.

Money is a way of dividing up the resources between all inhabitants of a system. This is capitalism. It asks you to keep inflating the economy by consuming, using, and desposing. We are products of the system. In a model where just one individual can have access to as much resource as entire countries, we become selfish innately. It is only getting worse. Narcissism is being produced on an industrial scale, delivered next day by Amazon and measured by the amount of plastic likes you receive on a manufactured photo. (Communism is not necessarily any better. We just have had bsolute tyrants in charge of us throughout history.)

We are spirits; our emotions, and the lens we have of the world, is an aggregation of our entire lives and the interactions we have had until this point in time. There is something far beyond our comprehension happening deep within our minds and bodies that we only have a mere glimpse into through our five senses. We are barely conscious, and our minds are just operating on autopilot in front of our faces. We observe the world rather than participate in it. If we have been used, rejected, and ignored enough times, our lens becomes so distorted that only our emotions exist. We imvariably feel that we can only rely on ourselves to survive.

This breakdown is not our fault, but we must, as people who are awakened to selfishness of the soul, do our bit to speak openly about the condition. As humans, we use because we have been used, we lie because we have been lied to, we manipulate because we were manipulated as a child.

The world is broken. We just are the ones taking responsibility for it.

NPI 19 CO:4 OCD:Unlikely
Not entirely sure how to start this, honestly never occurred to me that narcissists would make a subreddit for people to voice their concerns.

I was diagnosed (with BPD, Narcissistic personality traits & Anxiety+Panic disorder) when I was 16 (24 now) I guess when I was younger I didn’t realize how different I was from others. When I was younger it seemed like we all did stupid things constantly without fear of consequences; lie, cheat, steal, be terrible in a relationship. The older I get the more I see others “grow out” of these personalities, recently i have had a long overdue epiphany relating to relationships as my best friends are getting married.

I can’t seem to last very long in a relationship, eventually I stopped dating and migrated to just hooking up, I’m a fairly attractive guy so it’s never all that hard (especially when my standards are basically less than zero it seems). I’ve been with women who are undeniably good in terms of character & personality, but it doesn’t take me long to get bored and move on to the next.

Seeing how time and time again I ruin relationships or general hookups without fail completely implies that I without a doubt am the reason. I can’t understand how people can hangout for more than two weeks and STILL enjoy peoples company. Relationships and actual love “seem” to be something I yearn for yet it’s always one step ahead of me, until recently I thought I would just mature out of it and finally find whoever is right for me, but I now realize I haven’t changed a bit since I was 16.

I have a daughter who is 3 years old and I feel as though I’m failing her on an emotional level, she never asked to be born! it should be my only priority to be the best man I should be for her but I struggle with this more than anything I’ve previously had to endure. This child deserves more than I could give her, but after I already put in my week of work along with whatever else needs to be done I get undeniably burnt out when it’s time for us to be together.

Finally writing this out made me tear up, if anyone has any insight at all about anything previously mentioned please leave a comment or message me directly.

i have self diagnosed BPD and high amounts of narcissistic traits and defense mechanisms (absolutely not an excuse for anything), and have been coming to terms with the fact that i am and have been abusive to the people around me since i was a kid, primarily emotional abuse, controlling/coercive behavior and i am gutted by this and need to change it. i’m in dire need of resources, therapies, anything at all that can help me because im not sure if i can do it alone and am scared to approach recovery without guidance from people who know their stuff and can help me figure out what to do, and people who can help hold me accountable for the behaviors and patterns that i’m still ignorant to. if anyone has any resources or advice please help if possible, i am sick of causing harm and need support asap. thank you

This guy has been trying to one up me for 15 years.

NPI:25+ OCD:6 Codependency:2

Have had a guy try to one up me for 15 years, cut every other narcissist out.

I cut off every other narcissist out of my life beside this certain person that I “was” friends with for over 15 years. He shows up at my house acting like he wants to see me from time and again but it’s only to gain info on what I’m doing or how I’m doing whether it’s material things or mentally.

I’m genuinely done dealing with it, it’s a “hey what’s up, how’ve you been” then he inspects everything from my vehicles to what I’m smoking or drinking. I’ve fooled him plenty of times and been nonchalant over the course of the past 3 years at least.

It sounds insane but I got a new pew for my birthday on my 21st and now two years later he had to go out and get the newest and best version, then rubs it in my face. It’s not an ego of mine I just want to get rid of him out of my life. I don’t want any ill intent on anyone but I just want to be left alone.

I’m a narcissist that’s very skilled in determining patterns and what someone’s intentions are but I’ve been playing this game for as long as I can remember. Even just jumping off the swings in 4th grade he always tried to be better than me but couldn’t.

I guess all I’m asking is how do I get rid of this individual. I tried to cut em off but he insist on coming to my house just because he feels like it. I’ve never confronted them but we both know we see each other from the same perspective, and he does it to piss me off.

I get it sounds egotistical but it’s truly not, I’m tired of being under the eyeglass of him, and what he runs off to tell other people. I don’t bother anyone because all I do is mess things up for everyone if I get involved. I’ve learned to live with being a narcissist but it’s the only person that won’t leave me alone and I know for a fact he’s a narcissistic psychopath but I’m way better at out smarting him than he thinks, he’ll come over and I won’t give him anything to go off of then he runs off to tell everyone I cut off what I’m doing.

I got a brand new truck 4 months ago and I finally had the nerve to post it on snap after a month and the first thing he says is “I’ll have to come check it out it looks good” and yet he hasn’t come to see it because he can’t afford what I have and isn’t in the position to one up me. Everything I’ve ever done he’s tried to get the wedge in and have the upper hand. Literally from every pew I have to every sled, car, truck, tv, entertainment center, phone, bong, and literally anything you can think of.

I’m tired.

(Some stuff sounds tied up within itself but I only have one connection with them otherwise they wouldn’t leave me alone and stop coming to my house)

I’ve been building up a new life, and as soon as I start feeling well and enjoying myself, I get criticized at my new job and receive a letter from my therapist with the diagnosis. I did want to have it, and the content wasn’t all new to me, but getting those two things in one day was bad timing. I’ve been feeling weird all week, and I’ve had no time to recover or push my ego somewhere else. Any advice?

When I got diagnosed with vulnerable NPD I kinda complained to my therapist that I get all the negative parts of narcissism without the positive parts (like career success etc). She advised that I should "make use" of my skills. I didnt inquire further at the time but it truely confused me, because knowing about NPD and the problems it can bring socially, I feel like just embracing the disorder will lead to more negative outcomes. Idk, Im confused and Im wondering if someone has already thought about this or even taken action.

So, I like to blame the world for everything.
Worse than that, you could learn about determinism. Then you can act very impulsively, and say it was a compulsion, or that you were compelled to do so.
There are some aspects of astrology that I have actually noted congruence in lives of myself and others.
It's an absolutely unreasonable level of understanding, though, to actually go into full-chart astrology, and believe you have specific derailed insight into the complexities of other people's subjective experience, let alone your own.

It's horrible. I'm self obsessed and a complete space-cadet. I hate it, and what I've become. Anyway I'm wondering if anyone else has had insights.

I literally blame my chart for how I am. It's done wonders for my relationship with my mother NOT we should not have a relationship at all.

NPI 19+
Codependency 11
OCD: none
She said she couldn't buy the morning-after pill today. I didn't ask her to. Pharmacies closed. Tomorrow will be 3 days post. I'm still open-minded.

I'd been involved with her a couple years ago. I guess society tells you sex is something healthy that you deserve, and I was lonely after a failure of both career and relationship. At the time I wanted to have sex with somebody, and a person I did like told me she liked me. She liked me. That was good enough.

We had a date, and we went to the hotel together. I was in full love-me mode. I don't really think about long term consequences, I'm not sure I can anymore. It was just really important that she liked me. The fact that I couldn't like her was unimportant. It might still be. I can't be honest with her about why. Basically, she's overweight, and you're not allowed to say that to anyone, or else other people won't like you anymore. Much better to act like she isn't, and shower her with a self-illusion that I am her forever saviour. I introduced her to my family a day later. I was fully in "fuck it I'm in love" mode, like a costume I can wear. I'm much better looking than her. People were probably worried I'd break her heart, while surprised I could love someone who isn't beautiful. My thing is that it's much more important that multiple people think you're nice, than if one person loves or hates you. It ended up in disaster at the time. She turned out to be self-serving and manipulative, and I won't take well to being trapped by someone who talks shit about everyone she knows and what they might think of me as a result of her fearful opinion.

Anyway I met her at a gig again, and she came for me. I was trying to be positive like "we're friends now", but she starts crying begging me to take her home with me. "I have a lot to talk to you about". I kind've like sparring with manipulators to be honest, especially when they like you, because they like you. I'm a manipulator too, but only mentally. I try to cultivate the "managerial" thing, instead, to combat it. It's very easy when they're throwing themselves into your life. It's like all I need to do is hold the sticks, and the puppet dances by itsself. I'm trying to show her I have grown as a person, and that we can be friends. But why are we walking home together. I told you to sleep in my room and I'll sleep on the couch. Okay yes I'm lonely. Are you on the pill? She said no. She said she wasn't on the pill. What are we doing. What are we doing. What are we doing. 3 times. She's saying to put a baby inside her. I'm saying I'll be a great dad. What are we doing. We go for breakfast. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I've spent the last few days idley thinking it could be for the best. To have higher concerns than myself, like a partner and child. Something to finally ground my fantasies about my infinite potential back into reality. A real practical concern for a real practical life, with enough hardship to distract myself from the fact that I'm not being interviewed by various podcasts about how I saved and protected the world forever at last using the spoken word or my art. Not living in the Hollywood hills sipping champagne in a pool with a view, or playing jazz in an amphitheatre in Florence, or in a spacesuit in the Congo shooting a music video to be released anonymously. No. Maybe a cottage, with a garden. Maybe a polytunnel with vegetables. Maybe I'll build houses, and work with my body. Maybe I'll be a teacher. Maybe she'll change, maybe we both will, maybe we won't need to, too much. Maybe she'll provide enough drama to make me feel like being reasonable. Maybe I'll finally care about someone, or someones more than myself. I don't know. I hope it happens one day. I'd like requirements to fulfill. Mine are bad.

I will be seeking therapy for this, as hard as it is to tell some doctor I might have a problem, yes. I want the "closure" you could say. Just wanted the opinions of other narcissists as well. It takes a special person that gets it to understand me. I check all the boxes and it truly fits the way I am and have been for as long as I can remember, and other people have pointed it out for years. Cold, manipulative, selfish, whatever. Been called all of it. Of course I never reacted well to it back then until it eventually came into my mind on its own. I'm grandiose, self centered, I don't have affective empathy and I don't want to have it either. Sounds tiring. I love positive attention and manipulate people to get it. I swing on a pendulum between thinking I'm god and thinking I'm the worst person in the world. And then back to being god. I have OCD, but I truly do not believe at all that this is an OCD intrusive thought. I'm very good at catching those if I do say so myself. Been dealing with OCD thoughts my entire life. I know this isn't that. The rules post also asks for the following, so here it is.

I swear a lot, sure. Especially when I'm mad about something. I'm vengeful when I feel attacked, usually in a passive aggressive way. I can't turn off my empathy if I hardly have any to begin with. I only have some cognitive empathy, and it's circumstantial at best.

Age: 20 NPI: 34 codependency: 2 OCD: 16

In this thread you can ask questions to narcissists, if you know you don't have a cluster B personality disorder yourself (If you try to post instead, it will be removed, only narcissists, borderliners, histrionics and sociopaths can post).

​

This thread runs from Monday 7AM to Thursday 7PM PST and then again from Thursday 7PM to Monday 7AM PST.

​

If you're asking a question on Sunday or Thursday, feel free to resubmit your comment when the thread refreshes, so that more people will see it.

​

Make sure you read this before making a comment in this thread:

​

[What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/jia-tolentino/what-happens-when-we-decide-everyone-else-is-a-narcissist)

​

It'll take maybe 15 minutes of your time, but it's time well spent, especially if you identify with the abuse victim community, since it fills in the background from the abuse victim community in an unbiased way.

I thought that i was different, that im not meant to live a normal life.

Every aspect of my life is far from normal and i always knew that i wont fit into social norms.

I was okay with it, even though i tried hard to fight it for a long time, i accepted that my life was going to be a chain of depressive incidents that led me to live my life alone and never reach my true potential.

Im smart, like really smart. Its a curse that comes with a lot of pain and agony. Though ive managed to stay ahed of my fellow mates, i envy them. I envy them for their innocence, ignorance and lack of awareness into an extent that threatened their illusion of happiness.

I want you. I crave you. I want you to make me feel normal again, to give me happiness and make me forget reality from time to time. I need you, because without some sort of normality in my life im going insane. Every day i stray away from societal norms and order. I've awakened more than i should have and i need you to undo me. I cannot live this life with the constant itch that my intellect imposes on me.

I know i sound selfish, i always thought you deserved more than me, better than me, someone who could give you happines not pain. Im sorry that i need you. Pity me and hold my hand.

Tough subject: unresolved anger against the people who raised us, who shaped us, but also left us carrying a lot of trauma. 

We lash out, we get overwhelmed, and it feels childish. These feelings that just explode out of nowhere, almost like a child throwing a tantrum. Because in a lot of ways they are tantrums. And yet, even though it feels impossible, there's this tiny voice inside us saying, 'You need to make peace with this!'.

I won't dab into the origins of this rage, you all understand that pretty well. It's that void left behind when the parent or caregiver you needed simply wasn't there for you in the way you needed them to be.

This anger, this trauma, it has given us a deep awareness, an understanding of pain that some people never have to face. It's almost like a heightened sensitivity, a survival instinct that, ironically, makes us better at navigating difficult relationships. But it comes with a cost. And that cost is the pain, the brokenness we carry forward.

One of the hardest truths to accept is that we may never get what we need from these people. They will never apologize in the way we want. They may never even see the impact they've had on us. And that's brutal. How are we supposed to heal when the people who hurt us refuse to acknowledge it?

That's where acceptance comes in, but I want to be careful here because acceptance isn't about letting them off the hook or pretending it doesn't hurt. It's about letting go of the hope that they'll become the parent, the caregiver, or the person we needed. We don't have to be entangled in their failures anymore.

Maybe we're just expressing a need that went unmet, a sense of injustice. That tantrum it's not necessarily a bad thing. It's our body's way of saying, 'Something here isn't right, and I deserve better' and I think there's power in acknowledging that.

Of course, this doesn't mean we can just live in this rage. Holding onto it forever would eat us alive.

I've had to ask myself tough questions. What do I gain from holding onto this anger? And the answer, painfully enough, is that sometimes anger becomes part of our identity. It makes us feel justified. And so, l've started trying to honor that anger. To see it as a friend, rather than an enemy. And in doing so, it feels like I'm finally able to let go, bit by bit, of the hold that this past has on me.

How do I move forward? How do I make peace? I think a big part of it is forgiveness, but not in the sense of forgiving the people who hurt us, necessarily. It's about forgiving ourselves: for the tantrums, for the rage, for all the ways we've tried to cope and survive. We're human. We were hurt.

It's releasing myself from the burden of their mistakes. It's about creating boundaries that acknowledge the damage they did but also allow me the freedom to move forward. A type of compassionate detachment, if you will. 

If you're dealing with this, if you're stuck in this loop of anger and sadness, know that you're not alone. Know that your feelings are valid, that you don't have to suppress them to be okay. Let them be a part of your journey, but don't let them define it. You are more than the hurt that was given to you.

I am a user of women. My girlfriend, who I dumped, told me in 2007. I didn't reflect on that and learn. I'm 43 now. I have a divorce and another woman who I have done it to. Is there hope for change?

I have done most of these things apart from ghosting and then asking for a lot of money.

https://ideapod.com/how-men-use-women/

When you found out about NPD, what and which changes have you made in your life? Also how that helped you in everyday life?

'I learned being quiet works great - If I don't say anything, there is no chance to f*** it up.'

Everywhere I go, any friendships I make I always ruin them. Whether it’s on purpose or subconsciously I don’t know. I’ve been fired from quite a few jobs for saying the wrong thing to the wrong person. I have issues with authority; if I don’t agree with a rule I can’t follow it.

I don’t have friends. Like a single one and I am almost 30. I have ruined every friendship by blowing it up and burning bridges. I did it when I graduated early from high school, and still do it now. I will feel like someone has slighted me and cut them out of my life immediately. I will go from wanting their friendship and doing everything I can to make it happen, but as soon as I get the friend - if they say/do anything that has slighted me I cut them off, convince others they suck, and try to ruin their life.

I don’t know why I do this. All I want are friends, real ones but I continue this behavior like I can’t help myself. It’s like an itch I need to scratch when things are stable. I also am very self absorbed and only fixate on myself, my looks or success. That’s all I care about. I don’t even raise my own child because my family recognizes I’m too selfish to do it right.

I don’t drink or smoke, nor do I date because I realized I don’t have anything to offer anyone and usually cheat/ruin romantic relationships almost every time. I just tell people I don’t have the capacity to care.

I have pissed people off so bad in jobs with petty behavior they go out of their way to get me fired, and honestly I don’t blame them. When they tell me how my actions make them feel I genuinely want to feel bad but I don’t.

I gossip, but don’t hold myself to the same standard when someone does it to me.

How do I stop this? Other than just offing myself though many would be happy I don’t want to do that. I can’t afford therapy right now, and I am sure that will be suggested, as it should.

Is it even possible to be a narcissist with an awareness of it? Or am I something else. (Yes, a shitty person but like which category of shitty?)

Test score was 15 for the test thing required to post this, and I have been diagnosed with like 6 things that don’t even make sense: Bipolar Type 2 GAD Trichitellomania Depression ADHD CPTSD

I know it’s none of this, these all seem like a small piece of whatever is actually going on.

In this thread you can ask questions to narcissists, if you know you don't have a cluster B personality disorder yourself (If you try to post instead, it will be removed, only narcissists, borderliners, histrionics and sociopaths can post).

​

This thread runs from Monday 7AM to Thursday 7PM PST and then again from Thursday 7PM to Monday 7AM PST.

​

If you're asking a question on Sunday or Thursday, feel free to resubmit your comment when the thread refreshes, so that more people will see it.

​

Make sure you read this before making a comment in this thread:

​

[What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/jia-tolentino/what-happens-when-we-decide-everyone-else-is-a-narcissist)

​

It'll take maybe 15 minutes of your time, but it's time well spent, especially if you identify with the abuse victim community, since it fills in the background from the abuse victim community in an unbiased way.

How to explain this? Battle between 'What is right 😇' vs 'What I want 😈' ...

I am well educated and in the past when co-workers needed help to reach their monthly plan (I worked in sales) I would help them by giving them some of my clients/contacts --> when they reached their goal, I always thought, he would give some credit to me --> nope, never, he received praise 'in last 4 days you worked hard' = not the fact I gave him my contacts / and strategy how to approach and what to sell ...

It made me feel ANGRY, ENVY, JELEOUS, all negative feelings pointed toward me --> How could I be so stupid ...

= but from a societal viewpoint it was a 'good cause', but for me was 'hell'

Today he called me and 'asked for help,' and since I am very talkative and tell every great idea, he doesn't even need to 'ask.' I would just offer myself, to satisfy this self sadistic need to please other people. Well, today, I said to myself, first, it's me and my needs and then his'. I have so many contacts and could help him easily, but I said, 'Oh, sorry, I can't help you this month. Did you try XY'. I gave him food for thought in a direction, that is not fruitful 😅 - I wonder how long he will run in circles. So basically, I rejected him, but not directly like I used to, 'I won't help you because of this / that', but by playing a game of empathy. Well, he didn't manage to achieve his goal 😅

I felt/feel AMAZING.

= I know from society's viewpoint, 'I am a terrible person,' and 'How could you do it.'

So here is this dilemma:

A] Do what is right for society and something that will hurt ME?

B] Do what is right for me and something bad for society?

I want to accept who I am, not to constantly change it, it can drive you crazy. So is this just a game of 'Let's Pretend'? Is this the secret to functioning normally as a narcissist in society?

Would love to hear your opinion 👇❤️ ...

Like the title says ...

I found myself complicating life events with my behavior and then had to apologize. I hate being caught more, then being narcissist.

Is it like a game, where we know our true self and just modify our approach?

Would like to hear your opinion 👇.

M 35 y / o

NPI Score:

• Authority 8
• Superiority 8
• Exhibitionist 5
• Explossivness 4
• Vanity 3
• Entitlement 5

I am here because I don't know where to go since no one understands. I took a test, and it confirmed that most likely I am in this category.

I suspected this for the last 4 years, but everyone was, 'Nah, you are OK,' but I knew I was/am not OK, and it's very dysfunctional in my life.

I was living this illusion for 35 years, and it's shocking to me who I am. I was always fighting to be different from what I wanted to be, but it just came out. Relationships are perfect example - I always hurt people and then wonder why they leave me and when they do I feel a victim mentality on how much I did for them. It's crazy, and I don't like the feeling.

But my mentality is, if I am in this situation 'How to live with it?'. I found out that being myself in front of people is not working out since they reject me.

Example:

Why are you so jealous about it --> leading to me apologizing, 'I agree, I will do better next time' --> next time, 'I do the same as before' --> apologizing ... until it's so much s*** that it hurts mentally, and I push people away from me ...

My father is a narcissist, but he finds his peace somehow or what works for him, but it's a lot by punishing himself - working 12 hours at a physically demanding job + and always doing something around the house.

I don't know even where to begin. I feel like I don't know myself.

10/26/24, 11 am - 12:30 pm EST, on Zoom

Click here to get the link/be added to the main group chat.

Topic: What causes you to feel envious? How do you experience/process this emotion? How does envy impact your overall mental health and interactions with others?

What this support group is:

A confidential space for people struggling with pathological narcissism/NPD to find destigmatized information, seek and offer support, and practice unmasked vulnerability among others who get it.

See link for additional information/community guidelines. Feel free to DM with any questions/suggestions for future topics.

To the narcissists here who have decided to keep other narcissists in your life (and this is more related to friends or partners, not your narcissist mom/dad), if you catch them red handed lying to you/manipulating you/gaslighting you/being exploitative or literally any other narcissistic behavior, how do you react? Do you ignore it? Do you call them out? Do you get vindictive and double up on it? How does it make you feel when you notice it?