I (23 f) and my partner (25 ftm) have been dating for a year now. When we started dating my parents found out really early on in the relationship. It was a disaster, they said some awful things to me about him being trans and I pretty much cut them out entirely. However since then they’ve apologized to me and I, being very family oriented, have let them back in to keep peace. I had hoped I would figure out a way to get them to accept my partner and respect my choice but I’m at a loss. I’m very new to being around the trans community (I’ve always been an LGBTQ+ ally, I just hadn’t really been around trans people that much).

I’m aware that I probably haven’t gone about this in the best way. This is just kind of new to me. I’ve never been in a queer relationship before so I’ve had no experience to gauge this off of. I’m here on this sub reddit to learn. Because I want nothing more than to have him become a part of my family because I really feel that he is my life partner and I’m tired of tiptoeing around my family.

If anyone has any advice I would greatly appreciate it. Or even just sharing your experiences would help.

Hey everyone,

I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost five years, and I love her deeply. During this time, I’ve never really had close girl friends because she gets jealous when I’m around other women. I respect her feelings and boundaries, so I’ve avoided forming those kinds of friendships.

But lately, I’ve been feeling like I really need more connections with women—just as friends. Sometimes my girlfriend doesn’t have the time or emotional energy to discuss certain things, especially around my gender journey and exploring femininity. I feel like having girl friends could give me a safe and supportive space to talk and share experiences without putting all that pressure on her.

Is it wrong to want this? How do I navigate this without making her feel like I’m replacing or undervaluing her? I don’t want her to feel insecure, but I also feel like I need more emotional support than I’m getting right now.

Thanks for any advice!

My (nb, 32) wife (mtf, 34) is breaking my heart and robbing us of a future. Since moving back to our home state, we have both been coming to terms with how we were raised, but we lived in her parents house for a few months when we first got back about a year ago. She started drinking heavily (shots before driving to work, drinking so much that it was noticeable by everyone, etc). In January, we moved into our own place. Things started getting rocky as she kept drinking and experiencing an abusive employer. I encouraged her to quit, because I saw how miserable it was making her. She then continued her drinking. She had gotten a job as a dishwasher, but it was very physically demanding on her and she was drinking even more to help her cope with the hours and physical issues. So, when she asked, I again told her I could take the pressure. She recently (mid-October) came out as queer (did not really specify) on social media and told her family. Now, she's feeling (understandably) scared and lonely. She relied heavily on her family for support, even though she was miserable after every time she talked to them. She's now completely given up on everything, including our relationship. At her request, we didn't go see anyone for Thansgiving, but then she got so drunk that she was continually passing out and I made and ate my Thanksgiving meal alone. She has been dodging my calls while I'm at work and lying to me about how much she's drinking. She demands sexual gratification and gets mad when I tell her I don't feel comfortable with doing anything while she's drunk. She has also been mad at me for "not being present", but doesn't seem to understand that growing up with an alcoholic mother means I'm having a really hard time relating to her when she's drinking. The worst part is that we are about to lose our home. I've been doing everything I can to prevent it and she's been drinking. I'm so happy with my wife when she's sober, but she's tanking everything. I don't know what to do. Before they come up: every time we make doc appointments for her, she cancels. At this point, she is refusing to get help. I do not make enough to support us. I was able to float us for a couple months, but this is clearly unsustainable. TLDR: my (nb 32) wife (mtf, 34) is tanking our relationship by drinking us literally out of house and home.

ive been openly gay since i was 14 yrs old ive always known i was gay, i grew up in a fairly gay positive outlook. my mums best friend was gay and my older brother was as well. One of my biggest fears knowing my moms best friend was how miserable he always seemed before he came out as gay at 50+ yrs old with a wife.

so ive been with my partner since 2011, at the time they considered themselves Bisexual but still very new to the lgbt world. It took alot of time and helping to help them unlearn toxic behaviors that their conservative christian family instilled into them. we moved in together in 2014 we worked on getting our lives together which was mostly helping pay off tickets and bills that my partner previously had before we got fully together and by 2015 were engaged and as of sept 2016 we were married. it was absolutely fantastic !

so fast forward to just before covid, hate speech symbols are starting to pop up within a 4 mile radius of our home. my spouse was starting to freak out ( understandbly so) but i tried to remain calm and keep them comfortable. At this time a mutual friend of ours got in contact with us, asking if we wanted to move in to his home because hes a truck driver and hardly home and his wife could use the company. we talked it over and while i was hesitant because i had mixed history with the friend ( we used to be roomies and fooled around and it didnt end well but by this point that was back when we were all 19-21) but i agreed cause ultimately my partners comforts and safety is more important than anything in the past that we got over yrs ago for the most part.

about 6 months in they told me they wanted to explore their gender expression, i said ok cool beans go ahead not that you need my permission for such but yeah lol they slowly started getting more and more fem as the next few months went on and i encourged them to keep exploring this if its making them happy about two months later they told me they were trans...i was confused but said ok....
I had some make up experience from picking up tricks when i worked at a drag bar and having 5 sisters. i got one of my sisters to donate old clothing, wigs, purses places to get shoe deals. the works.

but as this went on i felt off cause they were presenting more and more as a woman...and my sexual attraction to them was all but shot...they would keep trying to have sex and i felt cruel, gross, and sick my body would be shaking as she touched me to the point that i would be crying into a pillow as the act was being performed. I felt preasured and sick at having sex with a woman. This created a very awkward space....we wouldnt talk id make a cot and sleep on it or mess up my sleep schedule so id sleep at different times than her.

this eventually got to the point were we had to talk cause it was making things way to hard and awkward in the house...while the roomies were barely there when they were they could tell things were off. The talk was very emotional and it hurt like hell but we talked about how i felt unattracted and how i dont know how to procede, how we still love each other, and how i still support them and her being trans and ultimately led to us both crying and not able to really talk. so we decided to pick up another time. One thing she said stuck with me and it was that " she thought it would be different cause it was her" it felt very manipulative to me...but i tried not to dwell on it.

some weeks had past and another bomb dropped...we had talked about having kids for yrs even had names picked out for both boys and girls...but as i was watching tv they were excitedly telling our roomies wife that they found a place that can help them get on E and surgery I was lost cause 1 i wasnt being talked to so i missed some of the info, and 2 cause this conversation was the first time id heard they were even thinking about those things.

the reason this was devastating cause the plan for kids was that my near identical sister would donate eggs for us and their sperm would be used for the kids. so it was like i was hearing them say fuck them kids i dont want that life with you. I just stayed silent and cried as they chatted behind me.

by this point i tried seeking friendly advice....and time after time each time i brought this up i got called a phobe for not being supportive of her choices...i didn't know what to do anymore...the stress was getting to me.
My body started reacting to said stress in ways, i started to get pimples again, grey hairs, and my bladder...just said nope we cant hold pee anymore. the 1st two are whatever and something i can deal with alone...but the bladder...that effect others around me if were just hanging out and i wet my pants. I started doing research on adult diapers and that led me into a community i was unfamiliar with and one that surprisingly resonated with me in this stressful time.

I started to get more involved with the ab/dl comunity and wearing primary colors almost exclusively.
my partner noticed but never said anything...to me. Now were in the most recent time of all of this and ive noticed that slowly she has been covering up and hiding old pictures in the home that weve taken over the course of 11 yrs...but only of her old self. So like the fool that iam i talk to a friend...saying that it feels like i have to repress my memories, im not allowed to look at a old pic and be like dang that was a good time. To which they responded to me saying that your partner said those old pics of her are like her looking at a toxic ex bf that hurt her repeatedly....and i just cant help but ask myself why is no one listing when i say something is hurting me...

the next day i had the displeasure of overhearing her on a discord call talking about my reformed wetting issue and my involment in the ab/dl community as i was waking up...and she was telling them how its weirds hes dressing like that and i think he might be a pdf-file.... and im just at my wits end no one is listining to me and i feel so immensly depressed, and my childhood fear of being married to a woman as a gay man is now what i wake up to everyday.....

idk what im here for...i just needed to vent before this dread im constantly feeling take over me.....

(Mildly NSFW because of mentions of porn)

Hi all. My (19 afab NB) queer-platonic partner (25 amab questioning) has recently begun questioning/opening up to me about their gender identity these past few weeks. We've only been seeing each other for a few months and were friends/coworkers a few months before. For reasons out of our control, we've been long-distance since mid-August. I also have another queer-platonic partner (19 amab NB) and both of my partners have been introduced virtually to each other and we share a group chat. I'm not sure if they're dating but I think they chat sometimes?

But since they've started questioning their identity, all they've done is send me videos and posts of what they want to look like, how they want to dress, porn they want to emulate (mostly AI porn videos, OF bait, etc.), tattoos they want to get, just content that is so completely different from what we used to send to each other. Every conversation I'm the idiot and "mansplaining" tattoos (I have multiple and they have none) or punk/goth subculture (I'm alternative and have been for years). Everything is about them and what they want. And every part of it is so sexualized, I find it hard not to be repulsed about the futanari porn they send me. I'm happy for them. I would rather them be happy and exploring, but it's been so quick and sudden that I'm really struggling. When we first met, they were nothing like this. We haven't talked like we normally do in days, and every post/video I send is ignored. Every message now is annoying to me and practically a burden to reply to.

I want to support them because I don't want to end things with them and hurt them or set off a domino effect that will impact my relationship with my other partner. I just don't know how to talk to them about anything serious, we haven't had many serious conversations. They also keep joking/mentioning getting married, and I don't want that, at least not to them, not right now. It's all just moving too fast, and I'm just not sure how to feel. I'm their first real relationship ever and I can't be the one that fucks it up.

Context: me (NB leaning masculine afab, early 30s) exgf (MTF, late 20s); Over 2 years together— her 2 years on HRT in March 2025. She’s been living full time as a woman as of October 2024.

So I wrote in here on 11/07 that my ex girlfriend and I separated. This is honestly the right decision for both of us— but it still stings and now even more so that she’s met someone that she claims to have true feelings for and my ex going to visit her in January 2025. It hasn’t been a month and she’s moved on and I feel like I’m still picking up the pieces (but moving forward).

We still live together and I’m sure that’s not the best case but I couldn’t just leave her without a safe space to live.

She’s become someone I no longer recognize but also becoming a confident and beautiful woman in the way she wants to feel. We’ve spoken about trying again one day when we are both in a better place AND practicing ENM. Buts it’s not possible for her because I am a symbol of her life pre-transition. She’s mentioned that she cannot fully be herself around me especially in a romantic setting—subconscious she just represses herself around me. Additionally with her blossoming new relationship she cannot prioritize me in a way that I need to be happy for a relationship. So it’s multiple things that could never work out together.

I truly just want to see her happy and healthy and live the life she deserves. And it’s very painful even if I don’t want to get back with her. I just have to continue to move on.

So me and my girlfriend (MTF) have been together for almost a year now, we are in long distance relationship and planning on meeting next year. Lately, since the beginning of October to be precise, i’ve been dealing with this Internal conflict if i’m still attracted towards her or not.

I don’t know how to communicate this with her and how she would perceive it, and if we broke up it would shatter her heart which I don’t wanna see for her :(

To be noted that she has not started estrogen yet because she’s not out to her family. But i don’t really think this is an issue as i always try to be supportive of her and understand this journey.

My partner is dealing with some extreme dysmorphia from body and facial hair. I’m trying to decide between getting them an at home laser hair removal device (ulike air 10 or Braun IPL) or booking them appointments with a laser specialist. I’m mostly worried about their facial hair, I don’t want them to hurt their face/themselves with the at home laser, but it is also much more cost effective. We live in NYC and Satori Laser and Laser Away have come up as good and in budget places to get laser done. Does anyone have any experience with laser and what would you suggest. Or do you know of any NYC laser places that specifically work with the trans community?

So many of the people I've dated (or even just casually hooked up with) have come out as trans some time later on. I didn't think much of this until I recently did the math and realized it's actually 80% of my exes or former flings who now openly identify this way.

I'm curious if this is random or if anyone else has experienced similar in their dating history?

Before anyone says anything, we're both trans guys. He is a binary trans man, I'm a bigender trans guy (male and gender void, don't ask how that works). He recently started progesterone (depo-provera) shots, after testosterone hadn't touched his periods. So he's been taking them at the same time. He started the shots about 3 months ago, was originally supposed to be once ever 3 months but upped to every month recently. His testosterone had to be upped recently, as his levels went down. He's noticed that his features are becoming more "feminine", and testosterone doesn't seem to be working at all anymore, when he had noticeable features in the past. He's now saying, because we're both gay guys, that it's not fair to me for us to be together, because he says he's "turning into a girl" and I'm not attracted to girls. He's literally not a girl, and I'm attracted to him as a person, and don't give a shit about his body (by which I mean, not attracted to anything he finds dysphoric, we're both working on surgery and the masc things he gets from T are things I AM attracted to physically, but physical attraction doesn't really matter to us anyways). Anyways, he's also trying to go off T because he's convinced that things that are impossible to be from T are from T instead of the shot, which they're symptoms of, and that he should just detransition entirely because he "was clearly not meant to transition". I've been looking into gonadotropin-releasing hormone (GnRH) antagonists, because that can stop the production of natural progesterone and estrogen and may give room for the T to take monopoly again, but he's saying that the doctor is going to refuse, since she only ever mentioned the depo-shot as an option. We're going to see her today and he's insisting on telling her he's detransitioning. I don't know what to do.

The symptoms from progesterone he's been experiencing btw:

(List from Google, gonna leave only the things he's been experiencing, there are more) (anything in brackets is a me addition)

Psychological: Anxiety, depression, irritability, mood swings, excessive worrying

Physical: Breast tenderness or pain, headache, muscle, joint, or bone pain, nausea, constipation, tiredness, weight gain (fat redistribution to "feminine" areas like his chest and thighs, he used to get it in his gut and arms from T), changes in libido, menstrual irregularities (constantly spotting)

Other: Dizziness, drowsiness, runny nose, sneezing, cough, vaginal discharge, problems urinating, swelling of the ankles, hands, or feet

I didn't remove that many btw, this has all happened starting after the first depo-shot, at various times, most of it started in the past 2 weeks.

I have been with my partner (MtF) for just shy of 15 years now. We started dating in high school and a few months in, they told me they were trans. Now that we're finally in a good place financially and have moved away from rural Alabama to a large city and they've made several trans friends, they're finally starting to transition. They took their first dose of meds yesterday. I am incredibly excited. I'm excited for them and their happiness. I'm also excited to see how they end up looking. I'm also incredibly excited for myself. I'm not straight, but I've been pretending to be for 15 years now to make them more comfortable. All this time we've been in a lesbian relationship, but it was like this dirty little secret. I've always felt a part of the LGBTQ+ community but couldn't be that outwardly because I felt the need to protect them and keep their secret safe until they were ready to be themselves. It feels like we're coming out together; them as trans, me as pansexual. If it had been up to me, we would've been living this truth from the jump, but there were a lot of reasons we couldn't. It feels liberating. I don't want to be seen as a straight woman because I'm not one and I'm so excited to be able to be myself. I don't really know what changes to expect, but we've been through hell and back together, so whatever happens we'll face it together.

My 35cisf wife 37MTF went no contact with her parents over 6 months ago. She wrote them a letter asking them not to contact her anymore if they can’t accept her identity. For context they’re hateful Evangelical trump supporters. We’ve been a lot happier since getting rid of them. I have also had to go no contact with my own parents. We got a thanksgiving card (?) from her parents a couple days ago. It had her deadname all over it. It was a generic message but it was hurtful nonetheless. They crossed the one boundary she asked them not to. I am afraid of getting more mail. I am not sure if there is a way to block getting mail from specific senders? I should also add they somehow found our new address (we did not tell them we moved) so it’s making this situation extra alarming. Any advice?

Hi everyone,

Long time lurker here and it’s always great to see people happy with their trans partners!

But I have a dilemma and I’m pretty hurt and confused right now. Maybe even angry?

My 28m current 28mtf gf has been with me for two years and we met on Grindr. I’ve loved this woman like I’ve lived nobody in my entire life so to be writing this I feel so horrible. But my dilemma is thing lately have felt off….there’s just been a drop of intimacy and closeness. And we’ve never ever had the “official” talk but that’s because I felt it wasn’t needed with how things developed with us dating when things got serious over the couple years. But recently I’ve felt things are off and I’ve suspected something was up. So I download Grindr with a blank profile….and sure enough she was there. And I keep seeing her on Grindr. Now I don’t know if this is to get attention or something or to get off? And is this normal? She has a severely low self esteem which I’ve tried to help with. But seeing her on there multiple times has me just so messed up in the head and it’s effecting me greatly.

And I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice? Has anyone else been in my shoes? I’d just really appreciate anything because I just feel so heartbroken, confused and hurt.

She says she loves me but seeing this has me feeling so many types of ways about it.

Hi everyone, first time poster here, thank you in advance for any advice/wisdom.

I started dating my current partner quite recently, though we've been friends for a couple years. She came out to me early on in our official relationship, but it was not a significant surprise to me in any way. I will admit I have sort of a formless anxiety around her transition (it's still fairly early--6 months of HRT/LHR), but I think that's just my anxiety in general not knowing exactly what will happen in the next few years. I'm pansexual been in love with trans women and femmes before, this is just the first time I've been in a relationship early on in the physical transition.

All that being said, I feel like I am in a constant state of guilt/panic around being able to support her. I know the first couple years can be both very euphoric and very difficult in transitioning. All of my friends are queer and most are trans and/or NB. I know how vital the support of both community and partners are.

My issues is I am a bundle of issues myself. I don't want to get too much into my gender as it isn't really the point, but agender is sort of 'close' rather than 'true', and I also don't ID as trans because it doesn't feel like there's a direction I can move in that would be better (I have tried in the past going in a more masculine route and absolutely hated it, for example). My body has been a source of violent conflict with myself essentially as far back as I can remember---not just or even mostly for gender reasons, but also physical disability and severe trauma/abuse.

As a result, I can 'shut down' very quickly---sometimes when having conversations about bodies, or just catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror will upset me. My partner is a wonderful person and already shows a lot of care for me re: my disabilities. We have had and continue to have very clear conversations about triggers and things we're uncomfortable with. I worry so much that she will spend a lot of energy that she could be putting into herself into me.

I also admit sometimes I'm envious of her---we're in two pretty different economic situations, and watching her get her LHR, buy gender-affirming makeup and clothing, getting her hair styled in ways that make her happy---it makes me so happy, too, but I haven't been able to afford a hair cut or a doctor's appt in years and I am also jealous. ( I know this is stupid and would never express this to her, because I also love celebrating things with her that make her feel herself and happy).

I think what I really need is a good therapist, but that's completely out of the realm of possibility too, financially speaking.

Can anyone speak to supporting a partner while also dealing with their own issues like this? I love her very much and I want to be someone she deserves, not someone she has to drag through their stuff as well dealing with her own.

I (20F) met my girlfriend (31MTF) shortly after she had come out as trans, she had just started hormones but was not visibly trans yet. We were best friends before we started dating, and I fell in love with the woman she is inside. I am a lesbian, but I was able to look past the fact that she didn’t pass at all because I was in love with her, plus I knew that it was temporary. She’s beautiful, and I still think so.

We’ve been together for just under 2 years now, but nothing has changed. She still presents male, has made no attempt to actually socially transition, and looks exactly the same aside from slight changes from hormones. The hormones have also nuked her sex drive, we haven’t “made out” in over a year and when we are intimate, it only lasts a few minutes and is one-sided (on her side) a solid 70% of the time. Both of these factors combined have made me start to lose my attraction to her. I still love her with my entire heart and I don’t want to lose her, but it’s genuinely taking all of my energy to keep this going. I don’t know what to do. I’ll take any advice I can get.

Hi there, I’m new to this subreddit. My (25f) boyfriend (25m) is getting top surgery in a few days. We are both so thrilled and excited for him however he will be living back with his parents in another city for the first few weeks to aid his recovery, and I’ll only be able to visit one/two days a week for the duration that he is there due to my work schedule. His surgery is in another city aswell and I won’t be able to see him til a week after his surgery. I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to best support him when I won’t be able to see him much during his recovery. He’s very anxious, and I want to help ease his worries. Any advice is massively appreciated. Thank you so much in advance ❤️

Hey Friends!

While this is a support space, and sometimes we work on heavy stuff, we want to celebrate the wins and milestones, too!

What brought you joy this week? Any fun plans for the weekend?

Share your thoughts here!

I'll try to give some context.

My partner of 4 years (MTF) has been in the closet (only out with me and her therapist) for about two years. I've always done my best to be supportive and honest without pushing her in any particular direction. She's in therapy specifically for her disphoria (where we live you need a diagnosis to start a medical transition) with a very queer friendly therapist.

As a man she's very accomplished in her work, has a lot of friends that love her and such. A life she's not been ready, so far, to risk losing for her transitioning.

But, about a year ago or so, she started presenting more feminine, cut her beard, started using the occasional nail polish... In private she even started experimenting with dresses and makeup.

It has been a bumpy ride and I would be lying if I said I've always been enthusiastic about seeing her present more feminine. After all, I'm straight and I fell in love with a man. But I'm happy for her and I've always tried my best to be supportive. I know she can only be happy as a woman.

Lately she's been dealing with a lot. Also she's gone through several breakups (we are poly) and she stopped looking for new partners. There was a thing I messed up a couple of months ago about her friends needing her pictures for a gift and she hating her face so much she had a breakdown.

I thought we recovered but lately there has been a huge step back in her journey and I don't really know what happend or how (if) I can help.

She regrow her beard, started going back to male pronouns even in private and keeps saying "this trans thing isn't for me". She's miserable and her therapist is suggesting antidepressants. At this point, I'm struggling. I've given up a lot to be at her side and, selfish of me, I just want this journey to move forward. I've given up monogamy, given up being with a man, given up motherhood. I'd be ok, if only it was worth it. But she's even more miserable and keeps going back.

Is there anything I can do?

I (cis female) am in a fairly new relationship with my boyfriend (FTM). This is my first time being in a relationship with a trans man. Our sex life has been great so far but I’m running into a slight problem: I can’t breathe when I go down on him! I have to keep stopping to catch my breath and it kinda ruins the rhythm.

Any advice??

Hey Reddit beauties,

Long time reader, first time poster. This is actually my first meaningful post in any trans community online.

I'm not new to being queer (currently in my 20s). I came out at a young age and the they/she pronouns + HRT followed relatively fast. I'm lucky in a lot of ways, my trans-femme life has been blessed with some high highs (and some of the obligatory low lows.) I walk around with pretty privilege, a pretty bad-ass career, and (when I choose to play into my femininity as an AMAB enby) plenty of femme passing privilege.

My ex (AMAB, masc presenting) 30s - is a nerd and a gamer. And, while we were together, I assumed they were just a (healthily, not chaser status) very trans-attracted cis guy. We had off-the-charts chemistry like I had never experienced before. It was pretty damn fairytale at the beginning, mind body and soul. But our relationship was not always easy, and toward the end we got caught in a strange vicious cycle of "fight about everything and nothing", make up, they would retreat into their head/online world, rinse repeat. I'm a smart and therapized individual - and I was stumped.

Just so I'm holding myself accountable: I'm no angel. I'm a fiery Capricorn with a history of depression and former life as an addict (now happily sober). I know how to fight, and there are absolutely mean things I said to my ex in the heat of the moment that I wish I could take back. And they certainly knew how to say things right back that would make me feel just awful.

We ultimately broke up, and it was brutal on us both. I cried the typical trans-femme tears of "will anyone ever love me again?" - and after going cold and stoic, they ended up blocking me for making one too many pleas for them to at least give me SOME clue as to what was going on inside their black box of a brain.

Fast forward almost a year to today: I'm in a gorgeous new T4T relationship. And I have still not heard anything, good bad or otherwise, from the ex.

And then I get a message from a queer friend. They report they have seen my ex on a dating app, presenting femme and proudly proclaiming that she/they have been on HRT for months.

I felt every possible feeling all at once. Proud of her for finding her true self. Gutted that she felt she could not tell me. Confused because I kind of feel like I may have been the one to... crack her egg? Hurt by the feeling that I may have been as much a doll (literally) for her to "play/experiment" with as a partner and human being she used to love.

And, most distressingly, I'm ashamed because looking back: there was a moment after our breakup was finalized when she asked me to speak in person, and I was so heartbroken about our split and honestly... just the gd whiplash of it all that I shut her down. After reviewing the timeline, I'm almost certain she intended to come out to me as trans that day. I feel very selfish for potentially denying her that opportunity, and I'm worried that final interaction inadvertently drove her away long term.

To be clear: I don't want her back romantically. I love my current partner with my whole heart. I'm just in shock over how this all played out, and quite frankly... I miss my friend. I'd love to be there for her as a friend in this new chapter.

She still follows me on instagram (albeit from her old low activity masc-presenting account that likely brings her dysphoria nowadays) and I follow her back. But she still has my number blocked.

And a final step I wish I had not taken... I quite easily found her trans-femme profile on a gaming site. She seems to be excitedly interacting with the online trans gaming community, and (I genuinely hope) finding new friends.

I'd love any thoughts/feedback/advice/impressions here. What is there to be done? Anything?

Read: I'm not sensitive, feel free to read me for filth if I've made a grievous misstep. Or tell me to move on. Or share any insight at all if you've been through something similar. Appreciate your brains and your hearts and for going on this rant journey with me y'all, thanks. <3

About 6 months ago my partner came out to me as MtF. I adore her and want to support her fully, she is through and through my person. It seems so discouraging though since I see so many posts on here of couples not making it through the initial transition. I’m pan sexual, so I don’t anticipate sexual incompatibility being an issue at any point regardless of where she lands on the gender spectrum, but I am on the autism spectrum and so change of any variety fills me with utter dread. She is currently in therapy and I am poised to start next month. She hasn’t started her transition yet - she’s waiting to come out to her family until after the holidays as they are a bit conservative and we want to give them some cool down time. I worry that once she starts her transition she won’t have room for me in her life anymore. I want her to be nothing but true to herself but I am so deeply afraid of losing the sweetest human I’ve ever met. Those of you that have successfully gone through transition with your partner, what hurdles did you go through? How did you face them? What advice would you give? What would you do over if given the chance? I feel so desperately out of my element and I want to do right by her.

Hi everyone,

I am a cis woman (31) and my GF is trans (32). She has been on hormones for 5-6 years and have had the bottom surgery almost a year ago.

Anyway, we have been together for 1,5 year and strangely when I have my periods and SPM she is as weird as me, as if she has some kind of cycles too.

Is this in my head ? Is it the moon ? Is it a dum question ? Have some of you observed this kind of things ?

I know this community is for the partners of trans people. Nevertheless, I would be thankful to know your genuine thoughts about this. Open to any questions.

I'm 20 afab and I've been struggling with gender dysphoria for a while now and even if I try to ignore it, it's only getting more intense. I'm seriously starting to think about transition.

I'm bisexual and have a boyfriend (25m) the only relationship I ever had. I know him since I were 16 and he realised this very early into the relationship(I remember seeing him as a way to actually know what having a male body felt like. I thought at the time I was only into women).

We've been through ups and downs, it's a bit confusing to both of us. We tried to break up several times at first, but we just can't, our connection is too intense. Even in the long times I couldn't stand sex.

The thing is that I have this terrible fear that he sees me just as a woman and loves me with that in mind. We don't exactly have a "straight" relationship dynamic, if that makes sense. It's like I can be myself when I'm with him. And when we have sex it's...different honestly. We fantasise about being two guys.

We tend to avoid talking about feelings. But lately I've been feeling like shit. He knows that. But if I talk about it he acts like I'm just a bit insecure about my body, that I'm just Paranoid. He sees me wanting to be a guy during sex as a fetish, a kink. He says I'll never be a guy basically. And that if I were I would just be weak and miserable. And that shit hurts.

One time we decided to part ways, so that I could try and be a "lesbian" (I thought maybe I was just confused or smth) and he just begged me not to do anything stupid like take testosterone or smth. Genuinely concerned.

He once told him I messed up his brain, made him curious about dudes.

It's confusing. I sometimes think he pretends a bit because he wants to keep me with him or smth. Some sort of manipulation. I would like him to be more straightforward, not take everything as as joke sometimes.

He talks about having a wife and kids. He knows I just mentally can't be like that. But still stays with me. And I stay with him.

...

Update: last night I called him as usual. I haven't been talking much to him, which gets him worried and annoyed. It was a long conversation. There were some misunderstandings that needed clarification.

He still thought I wanted to leave him for a woman (there was a time I convinced myself that maybe being with a woman as a woman would make me feel better about my body. Thought it was a solution). He thought that's why I've been down lately.

I suggested seeing a therapist, just to see his reaction (he sometimes pretends he went to a therapist just to see how I react. Plays games just like my mother, jesus) He said he didn't want to because they would just tell we're toxic because im a lesbian or smth. Which I found funny af. I assured him I'm not a lesbian. He knows that.

He insisted on asking what's really my problem. I told him I didn't trust him because he doesn't take it seriously. But it's getting worse again (and I'm falling into the same state I was before I met him). I explained directly it's not a fetish, it's affecting me on my daily life. That I'm afraid he sees me just as my woman parts. He told me he loves me. That I'm not weak. And all he wants is me being fine about myself and accepting my body. That maybe I should try working out again. I told him it wasn't enough (I used to work out a lot and that developed into an eating disorder).

I asked him about the future. He was super vague at first, said smth like "we'll see". And that annoyed me, because he seems to never plan things ahead and then complain his life is shit. I talked about family, how doing the role of a mother, getting pregnant, would break me (not in a selfish sense. If I did that it would deeply affect my mental health and the kids depending on me). He said we could probably find another ways to have kids and it wouldn't make him want to break up.

And then he said: "so you want to be my husband..." I just laughed about it but didn't deny that. Then he told me he loves me and we went to sleep. We'll go to a concert tonight, meet his friends and then talk more about this in person.

my bi partner came out to me about 6 months ago about being transgender or 2 spirit or cross dresser. ive done a lot of emotional labour to help them come out and try to understand where they are on the genderqueer spectrum while they are still in the closet in their entire lives. ive been supportive i think its fun and sexy im fine w being a lesbian and coming out to my family and most friends. im a safe space. but im struggling. ive been a hardcore tomboy my whole life, ive systematically rejected feminine chains of salons, mani pedis, excessive makeup body modification im never going to get botox. i work in the trades i work on my own car i prefer to wear coveralls. ive felt alienated from the female masses my whole life, most of my friends are guys.

i feel like i dont even understand what is 'femininity' and why does it involve so many chemicals and plastic? my partner used to wear oversized tshirts and camo and now prefers high heels, long coloured hair, always getting mani pedis then i help them dremel off the shellac before work on monday or seeing their parents. my partner is spending like crazy, lingerie, thigh high stilettos, body suits, wigs, makeup, various sizes of silicone boobs, etc etc. app laser hair remover is the next purchase.

im having an aesthetic crisis which is embarrassing. i feel like have to step it up in my feminity whereas ive generally prefered androgyny for myself. my partner's skinny jeans body suit showing high heels long purple hair dark blue eyeshadow for a trip to the store in the middle of the day aesthetic feels super sexualized and objectified or is this my internalized misogyny. my partners new secret femme social media profile is exlusively nail polish and bikini shots, isnt this the male gaze of the feminine? superficial and sexualized?

im an old school feminist comrade thats mostly rejected hyperconsumerism and conspicuous consumption of "femininity" and now im neck deep in it and feeling uncomfortable. please i feel like theres some switch missing to let me understand or love this lifestyle. should i burn my bras and move on, or embrace the plastic barbie wrapped in nylon era.

I've (33F)been separated from my partner (35mtf) for 7 months now and I've felt okay for the most part. I mean, as "okay" as one can feel going through a divorce. We've been pretty amicable and everything has gone smoothly and it's still easy to talk to her and communicate about necessary topics, there's been no animosity and very little tension.

All this to say that it's been a pretty easy transition from spouses to seperated because we weren't a good match anymore and weren't compatible in this new form. But today I was struck with just the most unbearable sadness of missing the person I married, of missing "him" and knowing I'll never see "him" again. That while she might invite me to her house in the future amicably I'll never see him again, that person from my memories is completely gone and they're not coming back and I've deleted all but a few treasured pictures so even a visual record is mostly gone.

This is the first time I've felt like this since the seperation, not the first time I've cried obviously, but the first time I've spent nearly all day in a state of distress over my former spouse which has just really thrown me for a loop and I don't know what to feel or think about it or if maybe I should go talk to somebody. I've been avoiding therapy because I just really don't want to talk to anybody about the whole thing, ice found it very traumatizing abd I just don't feel like I want to talk about it anymore but maybe that's not healthy when I'm having days like this.

Hopefully I explain this okay. For me, I first met my wonderful girlfriend about a year and half or so-ago, and I was very, very open about the fact that I was a transgender woman, still a woman, just unable to transition physcially and having limited sucesss socially. I was incredibly lucky to be honest,- she had never not seen me as a woman, had always called me her girlfriend, and has always been incredibly supportive. I don't know who was happier when I first started HRT, me or her!

So, um, yeah, has anyone been in this boat, and got to celebrate their partner's transition with them, without any suprises so to speak? (Let me be very clear that lots of folks here have celebrated and been very supportive to their partners, you don't need to know ahead of time to. Hope that clears things up a bit.)

I know this is a common situation but I feel so lost and heartbroken.

It’s been a couple years of back and forth with my partner slowing transitioning (M2F) in stops and starts, never really coming out fully, never really being their true self. We met as a “straight” couple, somewhat older and started a family fairly quickly. We were really in love.

I came to learn that my partner is not only not straight but a bisexual trans woman. I’ve tried and tried and tried to be the loving supportive excited partner. To somehow become the lesbian she wants and needs, to genuinely be excited about female characteristics and being with a woman… I have tried so hard. But the reality is I am a straight woman. Being with someone who is excited about developing female characteristics makes me so sad, feel so alone, it makes me the less supportive person because my excitement just isn’t there. I just don’t know what to do.

My partner can’t relate to how I feel, in her mind being with the person is just the person. If I were into sexual things she didn’t like she’d find a way to get excited about it. I can’t, the things she wants sexually I just do not enjoy or want. I can’t bring myself to initiate them in an enthsiatic way, I just want what we had back, sexually. And I know that’s gone. But she keeps telling me if it were the other way around that she’d be on board. I wish it were so simple. Truly I do. I feel so horrible that I am just not, not this way, in a genuine way. Not really.

I feel awful, I feel like I’ve failed. I don’t know what to do but I don’t know that I can ever be the person who she needs and who will be excited and supportive in the way she deserves.

Hello, I am hoping to get advice from people who had to tell their children that their spouse and them are separating and also about spouses transition.

I am a 34 year old cis female and my partner is 37 MTF. We have 3 young children (6,4, and 1.5). We have been married for 7 years and together for almost 13. After a year of working and trying to figure out what everything means for our relationship we have decided to separate. They would like to be able to date other people to figure out who they really are now, and I am not interested in an open relationship. There is still a lot of love between us, and we are still great friends, but we are not romantically compatible anymore.

My spouse will be moving out after the new year and I am struggling with figuring out the best way to explain everything to my kids. I know the younger 2 children will not understand what is happening but my oldest is very emotionally intune and I am afraid all of this information will be an overload for him.

From people who have gone through a separation after transition, did you tell your children everything at once or did you break it up into smaller pieces overtime?

I'm worried by telling them everything at once they are going to link the 2 together and blame my spouse and their transition for our family breaking apart.

I'm worried that by waiting to tell them about the transition after their dad moves out any new normal they have formed is just going to be disrupted again and cause further confusion.

Looking for any advice, I'm lost in what the best route is.

Thank you!

A bit of background context I’m afab she/they and my partner is trans ftm he/they. They came out 3 ish years ago but kinda went back in the closet because of bullying at the time. Anyway they started socially transitioning about a year ago and are out to all of our friends. They are also out to their Dad and Stepmum who are really amazing and supportive still getting the hang of pronouns but they’re doing quite well. Their mum however isn’t really transphobic but doesn’t understand it. They don’t mind this because they’re so used to being called their dead name and wrong pronouns so we’re not currently trying to enforce it. They’re also not at all out to any extended family so grandparents aunts uncles cousins don’t know. They’ve had the option for their parents to talk to him about it but they aren’t ready yet which I totally understand and respect. However hearing people calling him by his deadname and wrong pronouns just sounds wrong it makes me feel ill and it takes so much effort to not correct people at this point I really don’t want to slip up and out him. I completely understand all sides of this and am ultimately not annoyed at anyone in this situation just wanted to see if anyone could relate or give any advice.

Any recommendations for my partner? He’s 2 years on testosterone (FTM) and suffers with weight gain and acne as a result of his hormone treatment. Any reccs for vitamins, supplements etc. would be appreciated! :)