It's something I've only ever seen on a screen or maybe overheard through walls, but actually experiencing it? It feels almost unreal. I find myself dissociating hard when I try to watch anything intimate, and I guess that's my brain’s way of protecting me. I know deep down I'll probably never get to have that connection or that closeness with anyone.

The thought of someone actually wanting to be with me in that way feels so distant. People always talk about it like it's just a normal part of life, like 30% of people are doing it weekly, 50% monthly—ages 18 to 65. Meanwhile, the idea of someone even wanting to do that with me feels impossible. I can’t even wrap my mind around it.

I see people with these connections, people who share their lives, go on adventures, grow together. They make it look so easy, like it's just part of life. But for people like us, it seems like a literal fantasy, something completely out of reach.

Isn't it kinda wild that sex, intimacy, and love—things that come so naturally to so many—feel like something I'll only ever read about or watch from afar?

I have accepted that I am not going to find someone. I have too many forces working against me & in the tough dating world that we have to deal with, women have decided their time is better spent on anyone, but me. If even drug addicts are able to do better with me, then there is no way for me to compete. And don't think I didn't try.

I have done speed dating, I put together meetups, I've gone to non dating meetups. I have paid for apps, I have spent hours tweaking profiles, getting new photos. I dress well. I spend money on nice cologne. I go to bars, I go to clubs, I go to art galleries. I talk to women at these things all the time. I watch videos on the subject matter. I have had dating coaches. I listen to all the advise given to me. But the truth is, there isn't someone out there for everyone.

The truth is there are billions of people in this world, but you aren't going to meet them, you won't even scrape the top, because how could you? Hell, the majority of people are in China & India, am I supposed to find love there, the men that live there are even having a difficult time.

But what do I do with my time now? I believed that if I really wanted something then I should do all I can to reach that goal even if it was difficult, even if it hurt. But my goal & I are incompatible. So what do I do with all this time? I have my gym membership. I have a therapist. I have a support group. I have work. But that doesn't eat up enough time. Should I spend more time on video games? I was thinking about getting a Switch.

?

Life is hard. What we achieve is largely a matter of circumnstances. Take me for example. My father was a gambler. When I was 17 he moved the family in a ghetto neighborhood. An elderly female neighbor started saying to everyone that I was crazy. She told them I throw rocks at people from my balcony. They believed her. Anything wrong that happened they blamed me. I suffered two waves of community mobbing because of her. I started talking to myself when I walked, talking about the harassment I was receiving. They killed my dog and I had no reason to keep living here but where could I go? No money, no job, no friends.

I go 1-2 weeks a year on vacation. I never have a good time. People treat me like shit. I met a girl that showed interest in me. We were staying at a campsite. But a woman from my neighborhood works there as a seasonal worker. She immediately started telling the stuff I was crazy. I got constant harassment of the kind that is intentionally difficult to prove: staring at me threateningly every day, all the time. The same thing they did to me in my neighborhood. If I had said anything, they'd just call me crazy.

I felt guilty. I felt like I was a threat. I wanted to ask out the girl who liked me. It felt inappropriate, like I would be a creep.

I hid from her for two days and then left the campsite.

It feels unfair, missing my first chance at something, because of malicious people. But did I really deserve that girl?

I'm a loser. My neighborhood calls me crazy. I can't assert myself over people who harass me. Why would someone like me be with someone like her? Angelic, kind, loving.

How many people in the world have someone like that? Their fate is also determined by circumnstances. Luck brings someone in their lives at a time where they can seize the opportunity. That someone does not inspire great love or attraction, but is better than nothing. Better than loneliness. So they cling to her for as long as they can. They marry.

I should not feel anger or despair about what happened. I was doomed from the start, since that woman from my neighborhood was there.

And the choices before that that were wrong? How could I have known what was right? How could I have known where the rare person who liked someone like me would be?

I have character traits I wish I hadn't: Cowardice. Boredom. Lazyness. Procrastination. Passivity.

But look at even those who are not like me. Their lives the product of chance and need. Rarely they are lucky to experience love. Usually their companions are a compromise.

Why should I deserve more? We are losers because that is what we deserve. And that is not an accusation. Some people must necessarily be losers, because without it being their fault, the conditions that create losers in the world exist.

Never thought I'd say this but I actually dislike the fact that my job has flexible working hours. Often I go to bed early because I think "Well tomorrow I can leave work much earlier!". The reality however is, that I cannot even motivate myself to leave my bed in the morning so I am late to work regardless.

I dont have a partner waiting for me in the evening and I also don't have any meaningful plans I'd want to leave early for. There is absolutely nothing motivating me. It's just an endless grind that will lead to me dropping dead some day. What is the point of having money for streaming subscriptions, video games, movies, holidays when its all just a temporary escape from the harsh reality? What is the point of taking care of my appearance when nobody will ever appreciate it? It all just doesn't matter. I am just an invisible ghost in the life of others. And every amazing part of life is invisible to me.

I'm past 30 and still living with my mom because I'm on disability and can't afford to live on my own. I've never had any sort of relationship or experience. Never so much as hugged or held hands with a girl, much less anything else. I tried online dating a handful of times but never got any matches. I don't even have any friends. I see no chance of any relationship ever happening. Even if by some stroke of luck I somehow got a match on Tinder or any other site I don't see it lasting long. What happens if she wants to come over or stay the night? I've kind of just accepted this is it but I can't get over the sadness. The fact that I will actually go my entire life and never once even get to experience what others get with little to no effort. I will never have a woman hug me, kiss me, comfort me, I will never get to experience sex. I see beautiful women everywhere I go and it kills me I can never be with anyone like that.

I long for love, and comfort, and intimacy.

So I meet women, and we enjoy spending time together, and become friends, and nothing feels more natural for me than to love them — and yet nothing seems more natural than for them to not love me back.

But I am strong and I walk forward, and work things out, and I keep trying — to no avail.

And I don't have the power to end it.

Lord, just take me. I don't want to try anymore.

I have given up on multiple occasions, but not for real - there's always a small hope inside me, which I guess is driven by biology trying me to attempt to reproduce even if rationally I know it's over.

Is there any age where you gave up for real? Did you notice any difference, psychologically, after having given up?

I keep ending up here.

I am 23M FA Kissless Virgin and I faced challenges throughout different stages of my life. Here is how I got bullied and isolated:

1. Bullying by classmates: I got bullied by multiple classmates especially in 9th and 10th grade. One of this guy(lets call him A) bullied me a lot from 5th to 10th grade increasing his severity by 9th grade. He would not only hit me but also insult me calling me ugly, fit for nothing, I don't deserve this that and even forcefully made me perform embarrassing tasks in front of others like do belly dance or shake my body etc and even forcefully made me carry his and his friend's bag during a school trip, decorated my face with fruit peels, throw food wrappers at me. I used to have physical scars daily as he would scratch my hand if I tried speaking back against him and he would slap my face multiple times hard too. Another boy(Lets call him S) who was the class topper was the most respected in class and there was a hierarchy with him being at the top and me being at the bottom. S often belittled me in front of my other class boys and even shown physical aggression like punching me and pressing my hand. S was nice and neutral to everyone else and only specifically mean to me and belittled me whenever he could and often supported A and once S even called me an error in this world. In fact I had no friends and most boys in our class supported A and S and they all would either laugh or even join in when I got bullied and surround me when A would humiliate me. I had such low self esteem that I was too shy to talk with girls for years. I still get dreams of A bullying me.
2. Bullying by seniors: After I entered 11th grade, I finally didn't have to face A, S and the previous bullies as they changed school and A was no longer my classmate and my new classmates were much better but I had to deal with aggression from my seniors who were in 12th grade. Thats because I got crush on a girl who was my senior without know she had a boyfriend. Her boyfriend(lets call him AN) got mad about it and tried to confront me aggressively but I ran away and later threatened me that he would beat me up. He turned his friends(Lets call them R and E) and some more seniors against me. R in particular was hostile towards me even though he was neutral towards me in previous grades. E too would often try to intimidate me and chase me around in school. So I spent most of my 11th grade running away and being chased around by my seniors. They would even corner me at times and talk aggressively or threaten me and rarely even hit me and some of the seniors would just chase me around for fun as I used to get intimidated easily. I only got rid of them after they graduated high school.
3. Intimidation by construction workers: In 11th grade itself, seeing my seniors chasing me around, some 4 construction workers who were doing some renovation work in school tried intimidating me too even though they were adults and were supposed to stop my seniors or at least be more neutral. Those 4 construction workers often tried intimidating me showing me shovel or brick or walk towards me fast using construction trolley or just telling me to go near them with menacing smiles or just do false chasing by pretending to chase me and I would run away and they would laugh seeing me scared. Whats worse was they only tried intimidating me when I was alone and not when I was near other students. If I ever tried standing my ground, they would take a stone or brick and pretend to throw them at me further intimidating me. Whats worse is that I was already facing ongoing aggression from my 12th grade seniors and on top of that also facing intimidation by those construction workers.
4. Isolation after 12th grade: 12th grade was my safest year in school but after completing my 12th grade exams, I was completely isolated for 3-4 months. I live in Bangalore in India and we have to prepare for competitive exams to get into a good college for undergrads and I spent those 3-4 months studying for the exams and felt very lonely and isolated. Even though I had friends in 11th and 12th grade, majority of them forgot about me and I had only one friend who would occasionally visit my home. I was still shy near girls so didn't have female interactions either. So I spent most of those days in home either studying or playing video games.
5. Chats with an older man: When I was 15, I was on this website where I used vent about the bullying I faced and also worries about my height and some person was bullying me on that site and suddenly an older man(lets call him C) who was 46 at the time defended me from that bully and we started chatting. He was actually gay and from Scotland and I live in India and we used to chat often thinking I found a friend. Due to the bullying I had trust issues near my male peers so I thought as an older man he would be understanding. He also said how he talked with many other teen boys whom he helped as they had depression. He validated me often calling me a stunning young man or handsome which was a contrast from the bullies who often called me ugly. Then after I turned 16, he kept telling me to switch to kik but I was reluctant as I didn't have my own phone so my parents would scold me but he told me just to not get caught. Our chats became more frequent after I was 17 and he was 48 especially during those 3-4 months of isolation after my 12th grade and I eventually switched to kik and we chatted daily as I was very lonely and had no friends. He also changed often bringing inappropriate topics or what he chatted with the other boys or his boyfriend. He also often said how I deserved a good boyfriend even though I said him many times that I am straight. I mainly wanted cure for my loneliness but he only brought those topics and when I resisted, he often said how I was old enough at 17 to discuss such topics and how 16 is the adult age in his country Scotland but in India its a minor. He often said the adult stuffs he did with his boyfriend and all those stuffs which made me feel annoyed. Whenever I would say I am annoyed by his topics, he would say "You can end the chat if you want then. I have other boys to talk to who are actually depressed". But due to loneliness, I still kept chatting with him despite this and always thought he was a friend until he again said how I was old enough for this and that at 17 and I got angry and eventually decided to end the chat and deleted my kik. My undergrad was about to start too.
6. Isolation in my undergrads: After those 3-4 isolating months, finally my undergrads started and things didn't improve much. I still felt isolated and couldn't make genuine friends there and as it was engineering, the gender ratio was skewed and I still didn't have female interactions. I didn't face bullying but other guys just used me either for taking money from me or for academic help and some would even ignore me. Plus the distance from home to college was a lot which made the journeys hectic and then facing such people in college who only used me and didn't want to be genuine friends made me feel very isolated in college and I used to often eat lunch alone. Then due to the covid pandemic, 1.5 years of my college life was online so it still feels like those 4 years didn't happen.
7. My current life: Currently at 23, I am studying MBA and my current life is much better than my high school and undergrad life. I am finally talking with girls these days but faced some distancing from girls recently too which made me a bit sad given my past experiences but finally I don't feel as isolated like before and things are healthier now but still unable to get into a relationship or even date.

I am a 26 year old man. I have all the makings of a "nice guy". I am hard working, thus have an exceptional uni degree and a well paying job in finance. I also work out pretty hard. I truly believe I deserve to be attractive to women and have a relationship.

My understanding this is a wrong mindset that turns off women. My understanding is women view men like me like the last scum on earth and would never be with such a man so I will die alone. Well, I cant do much. Its me, my inner true self. Still I plan to live for another 20 odd years before I... (don't want this post banned) in a sports car going very fast. How to live the best years in those 20 years. Do I spend everything I make? Do I save and donate it?

Like, we really will live a life of self-pity, loneliness and sadness and we - in most cases - can't do NOTHING to change that.

Don't matter if you is someone with outstanding morals, constantly improving and trying do putting yourself out there: you still can be rejected by everyone (platonically and romantically) and if we complain about that we will hear that "you are not entitled to anything" or "you should learn to be happy alone"

We will live 80+ years yearning for something that very much almost all humans take for granted.

I am a 23M basically living in the city Bangalore in India but born in Siliguri in West Bengal in India and never had a girlfriend before and still a kissless virgin and I had always been shy near girls in person for years due to facing lots of bullying in high school(so didn't interact with girls in high school and undergrad) and only recently I am talking with girls. I am studying MBA now and talking with several girls in my University who are mostly within 21-25 age range. But there is this girl (lets call her ST) who is already so comfortable with me even though today was just our 4th conversation. She is 24 now and she is from the state Chhattisgarh which is in Central part of India and came to our city Bangalore in India for her MBA and I am from Siliguri in West Bengal as you all know and living in Bangalore for years. Today I saw her sitting in the cafeteria and approached her and she asked me to sit next to her.

Previously too, when I tried talking to her, she asked me to accompany to her till her classroom(we aren't classmates) but today we had such a long conversation. At times I was literally running out of topics as an introvert but she kept the conversation flowing. We have several things in common and whats cool is we both did our undergrads in engineering and now studying MBA and she also is into cars similar to me. I asked her Instagram and she told her id and I followed it but so far she still didn't follow me back yet.

This was literally the longest in person conversation I ever had with a girl. I had always been shy near girls in school days and my undergrads and only recently started talking to girls but ST has been the best to me as with other girls its just brief or shorter conversations so far. Getting comfortable with me and having long conversations with me in just 4 days of getting to know each other. I really hope she doesn't have a bf tho so that I can ask her to eat somewhere with me. I am also talking with some more girls but ST has been the best so far.

Here's all my non-negotiables:

• Has the same moral values as me
• Actually cares about me and is in my life because he's genuinely happy to have me
• Takes the covenant of marriage seriously and won't leave at the smallest inconvenience
• Monogamous and consistently loyal
• Respects me and my boundaries, and of course I'd return it
• Isn't "all talk no action" kind of guy
• Has common sense
• Laid-back and supportive
• Kind, patient, and has a nice personality

Things I DON'T care about, contrary to popular beliefs:

• Height. to me personally it's not a deal breaker when a guy is of average height or a little short
• What he does as a job/career
• Zodiac sign. I don't believe in that birthday racism nonsense
• His ethnicity

How on earth are these "too high" of standards?! I know for sure guys with these qualities still exist. I have those qualities myself, I just want someone who reciprocates my level of commitment and effort. I'm the type who would rather be single than be in a toxic or pointless relationship.

It's so lonely though, hence why I ended up on this sub. But so be it. I'm not willing to tolerate disrespect for the sake of not being alone.

I know I'm not crazy. The world has gone mad if the bare minimum of a healthy relationship is now considered "high standards". I know for sure a lot of you here have similar standards as me and just want someone who loves you and is loyal to you. That's valid. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Just saying hi and seeing how we’re doin. It’s not a good night for me. The impossibility of love and sex had me reeling. Hope your nights are better

Genuine question

Any other posters here dumb, slow, or less competent compared to other people?

That day when I wake up and I finally realise I’m done and I’ll be FA forever.

Life is really too unfair,its unacceptable at this point

There's two girls at my work who are fit, attractive, and around my age (27). One is single, the other is not. I'd like to go on a date with both of them, but I don't really have anything in common with them. I'm the total opposite of them. They like going out with their friends. The single girl is into sports. I don't have any friends. I stay at home and play videogames and watch anime. I'm not fat but i'm not thin either. I take care of myself and try to be presentable. So it's not like i'm especially ugly, but i'm not a model either.

When I try talking to these girls, the conversations are always short, blunt, and one-sided. So it kinda seems like they're not interested. Or, not an option for me. Not even as friends. Whenever I ask questions about them, it feels like I'm being rude or nosy or creepy.

The apps I use run out of people to swipe on unless I massively extend the distance I'm willing to travel. I don't get any matches on dating apps, even at max distance.

So if work and online dating aren't options for me, that just leaves going outside. The problem is, I don't really get along with people. I could try to join some club but I'm not going to have anything in common with the people there. They aren't hardcore videogamers, so I can't talk to them about Baldurs Gate, or WoW, or any other classic game, you name it. They don't watch anime so I can't talk to them about Attack on Titan or Monster or Re:zero. And when they learn I've never had a girlfriend or any dating or sexual experience, they just look down on me. Like I'm immature or some baby. I get it though. Most people have plenty of experience by the time they're 27, so it comes across as lame.

No matter who I talk to, I always feel unwelcome. Like they would rather someone else was in my place and that they could talk to them instead. Nobody wants to know me. It doesn't matter if I try to get to know them. I don't know where I'm supposed to find single girls around my age that are into the same things as me. It feels utterly hopeless. It feels like the only way I'll ever touch a woman or spend time with a woman or feel affection is if I pay her to, which makes me feel absolutely pathetic. It makes me want to cry.

My only plan right now is to move out of my parents place, spend all my money on prostitutes, and then end it. I can't take the shame and sadness anymore. I could die tomorrow on my way to work in a car crash and I would never know what it's like to be with a woman, or to go on a date, or to cuddle on the couch, etc etc. It feels like I've got absolutely no prospects in life and I'm giving up on it. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't really want to die. I just want this shame, sadness, and loneliness to be over. I want validation and love, but it feels like I'll never get it.

I have NO friends, since I've never been able to "let anyone in." I know that if anyone knew the truth about me, including my family, they'd run for the hills. So I just live my lie, (yes, I said lie) and just wait for my life to come to an end. I'm not actively seeking it, I just don't care if it happens. I've got my end-of-life plans in order, a DNR on file, and a living will stating that NO extreme measure are to be taken to save my life. If the universe wants my life to end, so be it!!

I have this strange sinking feeling in my stomach. I don’t want to ask my family about it because they might lie… but something tells me I may not be welcome home for Christmas

Growing up, I was always bad with women, like horrifically bad, girls (and even guys for some reason) used to always call me ugly and even now I'm known for my poor social skills and disfigured looks. At that younger age, I used to be more optimistic about my chances of a woman, assuming that it would be happen naturally one day and that I'd one day have a wife and children. But this optimism actually broke me down as every thing around me would remind me about my chances. I unfortunately got sucked into toxic shit on TikTok, blaming women and my looks for my lack of chances (which I now deleted). However, whilst my looks definitely play a part, I've come to realise I myself am a broken person who simply cannot be loved. I've done all the self improvement shit but there's only so much you can do with a faulty product. Of course it still upsets me but I'm okay being FA now since it's written into me almost. I'm now at the point where I'm actually happy if a women is strongly unattracted to me as it means she's mentally stable and hopefully has a better chance at real love. I absolutely love cats so I'm okay living as a cat man:)

There is a popular post right now on relationship advice sub where a woman is asking whether it is reasonable to break up with her fiance because he decided he won't vote in the US elections. They have wedding in 4 months. And the top comment encourages the breakup. No other issue in relationship is mentioned.

Is she crazy or am I crazy?

My mind cannot comprehend this. They probably spent years getting to know each other, dating and building their relationship.

Now she is going to throw it away because of politics.

I do understand that the elections are a big deal to many people, personally I also vote whenever there is elections in my country (I am not from the US).

But I am just trying to imagine alternate universe where my high school crush liked me back, we started dating, went on vacations and trips together, got engaged, started planning the wedding. I would be happiest person alive.

But then I would find out she isn't voting in elections and I would think "Well, time to throw everything away. Why not? Now I just need to get over her, find another girl as good as her, fall in love and spend years to get to the same point with her. Sounds reasonable".

I can't imagine that. And I see similar posts every day.

What are your thoughts on this?

original post here

it took a few days but now i legit never want to speak to her again.

i guess its a "success story." just feels like closing a chapter.

The best comment that describes how I feel !

"when you want to find a girlfriend, but you don't know how to start, and other men are talking all kinds of stupid things and their women are tying them, at some point it kills your desire for anything else"

I wish that for just one day of my life that I could experience what it's like to be good looking. Part of me wants to prove to myself that my problems aren't all in my head. I know that attractiveness is the biggest factor in getting a relationship, despite what everyone seems to tell me. But I want to experience it first-hand; I want to be looked at in a way that I've never been looked at before. In 3 hours I've seen an attractive guy at a bar receive more attention from women than I have in all 23 years of my life. For just one day I want that to be me.

I was born attractive, but a serious accident left me with a disfigured face for over a decade. After many surgeries, I regained my looks. I’m also autistic, but I mask well in the corporate world.

People often discuss how being unattractive or autistic affects relationships, but let’s look at its impact in corporate life. Confidence, charisma, and looks matter, a lot. I've worked for some of the world’s largest companies, and I’ve seen it firsthand.

When you're the “shy, nerdy, unattractive programmer,” you're just a tool to management, a line item on a budget. Executives don’t know you exist; you’re invisible unless they need the output you produce. The company mantra might say “teamwork,” but you’re not part of any real team. They keep you around only as long as necessary to avoid turnover headaches. Maybe if you're exceptionally intelligent, way beyond your peers, someone might notice and throw you a bone.

Now, if you're attractive, extroverted, and assertive, you rise quickly. Connections come easily, and you don’t stay at the bottom for long, regardless of skill. Soon, you’re in middle management, earning more, and calling the shots, often over those you once worked alongside. Management sees you as an asset, respects your input, and supports your success.

I’ve lived both sides of this. When I was unattractive, I was undervalued and underpaid, treated purely as a utility. Once I became attractive, confident, and assertive, I was managing a department, earning far more, and had my voice respected at the executive level. I was treated like a person, not just a function.

I’ve even overheard CEOs mocking the “ugly dweebs” in IT and dev departments. The corporate world is as shallow and harsh as you'd imagine.

Anyone else seen this in action?