I am prochoice, in spite of the fact that my mother is pro life (I am a woman.) I have posted multiple times today asking people on different subreddits if they think Trump and his administration will go after birth control. I’m an ISFJ. I expect that they will. I think they’ll try to ban it. I admit that I don’t know enough about politics to comment on whether or not I expect this will actually be passed. Though I have a feeling that they are going to try, and find it disturbing that a lot of Redditors are waving off the idea. I had posted a prediction suggesting that I think Gen Z and/or Gen Alpha will have children at higher rates than expected if Trump’s administrative teams succeeds in banning birth control. I think women should have the right to make a choice, however. I know that pregnancy can be quite dangerous, I think it’s immoral to suggest that a woman shouldn’t be able to decide for herself. I mean, pregnancy can literally kill you.

However, I myself may still have a child. Some part of me thinks having children is a blessing (I recall my maternal aunt saying something like that. My mother is religious, she’s very annoying about it and often asks me nowadays to pray, she was asking ne this morning if I’m still saying the Ten Commandments before bed. I do not.) My first job out of high school was as a teaching assistant, for a little over a year (a year and a few months.) My current job is as a behavioral technician. I still work with children at this job, and am to have two new clients soon. I enjoy working with kindergarten aged children the most, it’s easiest for me. I babysit sometimes on the weekends, I babysat this past Friday and Saturday. I’ve babysat two children multiple times. I was teased about my appearance (well, talked about behind my back in middle school and 9th grade) which is partly why I’m unsure about having a child (if I do, I’ll be in my early thirties anyhow, and I’ve always known this. In eleventh grade I remember mentioning often in Spanish that I wanted a child, even before I gained any childcare experience.) I know that having a child would cause weight gain, and I don’t want that. I have $27k saved from my two jobs. I actually don’t have much sexual experience. I had a boyfriend in high school, and do recall having given him a blowjob. We did do sexual things, technically, though we never actually had sex. I knew that I would need to be on birth control to avoid a pregnancy (and even then, using birth control or protection doesn’t always guarantee that you won’t become pregnant. I remember learning that in 11th grade when I was an intern for an extracurricular at school that taught students about sexual and mental health. I was very depressed back then due to negligent parenting and prior trauma - family member once nearly hit me with a tennis racket when I was in 8th grade intentionally though I know they were having serious mental health issues and have moved on from it for the most part - so I wasn’t terribly consistent about it in my first year or two. It wasn’t until I was a senior and taking easier courses - which was intentional, a bit of a self care year for me especially since I knew I’d be going off to community college - that I started taking it more “seriously” and caring about mentoring the newer members.) I have been approached for sex multiple times in the past. I’d be lying if I said I’d never considered it (there was a particularly good looking man around my age who approached me for it maybe in late 2023. I did give him my number, almost went for it but ultimately didn’t because I didn’t want to get pregnant.) I have negative feelings towards my own mother, who has accused the other family members and I of being apart of a plot to have her killed for her money (she decided this after we all learned my father took $10k from me. My parents argue often.) I “cope” with life by trying my best to avoid thinking about bothersome things like that. I think that both of my parents are terrible people, but choose to continue living with them because I’m used to it and care a lot about saving money.

If you ask me why I’ve considered having kids, I’d tell you (honestly) that it’s in part because of socialization, I think. I grew up on shows like “The Simpsons” and “Stranger Things” that portray a household wherein there’s a housewife, working husband, and kids. I was a weird kid who strangely romanticized the 1950s even though I understand as an adult that it’d have been a terrible time period (I mostly just liked the fashion and music. I grew up watching the first two back to the future films often, which is why I think this happened. I know that it was perhaps dumb, though since I’m a black woman or I see why someone would say that.) Deep down inside, some part of me does believe that part of my role as a woman in this society is to marry and have a child. I don’t want multiple children, I couldn’t handle three and likely couldn’t handle two either. I’d be comfortable with one, potentially, later on down the line. I know I probably would really dislike pregnancy and childbirth (well, I’d certainly dislike childbirth, I’ve always had a memory of seeing a woman on Babycenter give birth when I was 7 and feeling really frightened and uncomfortable) but I’d be lying if I said I don’t occasionally ponder what experiencing it would be like. In a very strange way I know I somehow feel like I wouldn’t be fulfilling my “duty” if I didn’t marry and have a kid, but I know that I really shouldn’t be thinking like that. I grew up with a stay at home mother, who is a terrible person, and don’t know how to cook. I have a low pain tolerance, always have, so I’m sure that mentally a pregnancy could be a nightmare for me. In high school I stayed home from school multiple times because I thought I had a hemorrhoid. I was like that as a child, too. I have a memory of having had to use an enema once (well, I was a child so my mother had to for me) and I still get kind of squirmy and uncomfortable when I think about it. It’s been over a decade so I might be misremembering, but I think I had almost passed out. A lot of it was just anxiety, though, I do have an anxiety disorder. I was that bothered. I’ve never been “calm” about things like that. So if I really stop and think about it I can envision myself screaming if I were to give birth in the future, screaming and crying and sweating, hyperventilating. It doesn’t mean I’m 100% unlikely to go through with it, though. In a strange way, I don’t like how antinatalist some on Reddit are. I notice how cynical a lot of people on this site seem, I don’t like that. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting kids. But I think it’s weird to act like you’re a lot smarter than those who chose to. I’ve judged someone for having a kid before, someone whose two years older than me with an infant. I didn’t judge them because I think having kids is just a dumb decision. I judged them because they aren’t married and I knew they surely couldn’t afford it yet. Even if you have a lot of money saved between 20-22, it’s very rare that you’ll have enough money and maturity as a single mother to provide that child with everything they need - especially a black child, who will have many barriers to success. This is why if I have a baby, I’ll be twenty nine at the least. But probably in my thirties, honestly.

I feel that my social skills improved after high school. In high school I felt a lot of anxiety because my grade was honestly terrible (the upperclassman thought so, too.) A lot of gossipy rude people (boys in our grade who shoved the girls aside in the hallways, people who followed my private spam acc just to discuss the content of it with others - I stopped letting people follow that almost entirely in senior year. I just decided to do a personal reboot. I know it was dumb of me to post any of my business there.)

I have 1302 LinkedIn connections. I technically “know” or at least am connected to people who are arguably in positions of power, though I haven’t leveraged those connections. Someone in a position of power complimented me years ago for being good at public speaking. I still have them in social media, though I don’t go out of my way to converse with them other than having wished them a happy birthday.

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Hi fellow ENFJ's, I decided to post here as most of you will know my true intentions & values and I just really need support as to how to get over a friendship breakup. Do we often help other people so much that we fail to realize they're not really our friend?

As the title says, when I got engaged, my BFF suddenly got cold and distant even after previously chatting about her being my maid of honor when the time comes. She has said things like "she doesn't know how to handle my higher rank" which I never even thought of and don't see life stages as ranks as that's just not who I am and I'm always very aware of how others feel. She also said things like "I shouldn't be telling her friends how I got asked and showing them my ring" even after they begged me to tell and show even though I was uncomfortable with the attention. She also never even looked at the ring herself and when I last saw her her bf was helping my fiancé move a desk 2 flights of stairs for me which I now hear was also "wrong of me to ask for help with carrying a desk even though her bf offered".

This is all very difficult for me, she's an INFJ and we've been amazing comrades in life. She's also in a relationship of her own but now looking back she directly told me she's unhappy with the fact that I matched with my now fiancé when she was also on Hinge though she's in a relationship right now so? I don't know what to do, all I've ever been is kind but she's completely pushed me away and broken my heart.

I am a male ENFJ Taurus, 17yr old born in May. Some people say that ENFJs are so fake and too authoritative while I think they may get people wrong if they hate an ENFJ since ENFJs are one of the top 5 rarest mbti. But what's your experience with an ENFJ? Also btw I'm an ENFJ-A. not T.

I love being an ENFJ but being too caring about people sometimes kills me inside and drains me when most of the people around me are so apathetic and basically doesn't care or wants to sleep. I'm having a hard time looking for fellow ENFJs here in Philippines anw how's it for y'all? And what's your sign and mbti?

Yes, hello. I am new here in reddit and the title is exactly who I am

I am born in May 17, male, and an ENFJ-A.

It's so hard to find a fellow ENFJ here in Philippines as a grade 11 senior student. My classmates drain my energy or have no energy at all so it's hard to socialise. I get drained by my environment. Anyway, what does other people think about ENFJs?

Also, I think ENFJ + Taurus is a cool combo cause it makes a green flag combo (in my opinion) seeing as I know myself very well and continue to improve a bit every day. Anyway, what are y'alls signs and mbti?

One of mine:

-I think Gen Z will have kids at a higher rate than people right now expect. I think this in part because I believe it is possible that Trump and our conservative congress will try to ban birth control. I don’t know whether or not they’ll succeed, but I fully expect they’ll try. However, I also just think that, no matter what a lot of Redditors say, having a kid is something a fair amount of people will always do in part because of how we are socialized. I feel like Reddit’s overall perception of Gen Z in general is and always has often not been entirely accurate anyway, I say this as a Gen Zer myself. It makes sense to me that people of my generation are more conservative than Reddit anticipated when I think back to my school days, and it also makes sense to me to assume that more of my classmates will become parents than people right now think.

Anyone else finding themselves being drawn to INFPs? I’m married to one and my bestie is one. It’s too much of a coincident… or not?

Tbh I love supervising enfj.

What have you found yourself called to/ drawn to as an ENFJ?

I’m working on a personal project. Trying to create fantasy cultures based off of each of the 16 personalities.

For ENFJ, your power is healing and regeneration and your animal counterparts are all cetaceans (whales, dolphins, etc).

This is not a modern society. What would you guys like a fantasy culture based on ENFJ to look like?

Source: https://vultology.com/database/?type=FeNi&development=

The Fe function seeks to understand the organizational principles of collectives, percieving relationships as a network of transactions and implicit social contracts, constantly being negotiated. It sees humans has having a malleable character, shaped by these interactions for better or worse, and aims to move itself and the collective towards ideal mind-heart states by optimizing interactions. Fe advocates for having strong willpower, believing in the power of the mind over physical limitations, using discipline and resilience to overcome obstacles that restrict people from doing what they were meant to do in life and reaching the destiny and higher purpose they are called to fulfill.

ENFJs (Standard)

• Aaron Abke(American spiritual teacher)
• Abby Martin*(American journalist and presenter)
• Ana Kasparian(American commentator)
• Andrew Huberman(American neuroscientist)
• Bryan Cranston*(American actor)
• David Bayer(YouTuber: human evolution and business strategy)
• David Goggins(American motivational speaker)
• Derek Muller*(Australian science communicator)
• Drew Canole*(Life coach)
• Dr. Gabrielle Lyon(Physician)
• Ian McKellen*(English actor)
• James H. Fallon*(American neuroscientist)
• Jay L. Garfield(American philosopher)
• Jennifer Bagnaschi(Christian YouTuber)
• Jillian Michaels(American personal trainer and businesswoman)
• Kazimierz Dąbrowski*(Polish psychologist)
• Mandisa(American musician)
• Mandy Patinkin*(American actor and singer)
• Megyn Kelly(American commentator)
• Patrick Stewart*(English actor)
• Ralph Smart*(YouTuber:Infinite Waters)
• Richard D. Wolff*(American economist)
• Sandra Bullock*(American actress and film producer)
• Shohreh Aghdashloo(Iranian-American actress)
• Stephen Lang(American actor)
• Steve Jobs*(Former CEO of Apple)
• Tim Ferriss*(American entrepreneur and lifestyle guru)
• Viktor Frankl*(Austrian neurologist and psychologist)
• Wladimir Klitschko(Ukrainian former professional boxer)

ENFJs with developed Ni (Sectarians)

• Al Gore*(45th Vice President of the United States)
• Bruce Lee*(Hong Kong-American martial artist and actor)
• Cesar Millan*(Mexican-American canine professional)
• Christopher Langan(American rancher)
• Colin Powell*(Former United States Secretary of State)
• Eddie Hall(British strongman)
• Golda Meir(4th Prime Minister of Israel)
• Jeff Weiner(American businessman)
• Joseph Campbell(American writer)
• Julian Assange*(Founder of WikiLeaks)
• Martin Luther King Jr.*(American minister and activist)
• Oprah Winfrey*(American host and television producer)
• Shonda Rhimes*(American television producer and screenwriter)
• Vitali Klitschko(Mayor of Kyiv)

ENFJs with developed Se (Persuaders)

• Alex Hormozi(American entrepreneur)
• Andrew W.K.*(American singer-songwriter)
• Ashley Graham(American model)
• Aubrey Marcus(Founder of Onnit)
• Dakotah Tyler(Astrophysicist)
• Denzel Washington*(American actor and film producer)
• DJ Khaled*(American DJ and record producer)
• Eisel Mazard(YouTuber: vlogger)
• Elliott Hulse(YouTuber: health and lifestyle)
• Eva Longoria(American actress and film producer)
• Evangeline Lilly(Canadian retired actress)
• Gisele Bündchen*(Brazilian fashion model)
• Judge Greg Mathis(American judge)
• Jocko Willink*(American podcaster)
• Joe Dispenza(Doctor)
• Josh Pray(YouTuber: comedian)
• Melissa Dougherty(Christian YouTuber)
• Michael McCrudden*(Canadian actor and television host)
• Neil deGrasse Tyson*(American astrophysicist)
• Randall Carlson*(YouTuber: science communicator)
• Randy Orton(American professional wrestler)
• Russell Brand(English comedian and actor)
• Ryan Seacrest(American television presenter and film producer)
• Shemar Moore*(American actor)
• Will Smith*(American actor and rapper)

ENFJs with developed Ti (J Polarized)

• Cate Blanchett*(Australian actor and film producer)
• Durek Verrett(Shaman)
• Francisco Varela*(Chilean biologist and philosopher)
• Kate Beckinsale*(English actress)
• Katherine Chernick Fauvre(Creator of Tritype)
• Malcolm X*(American minister and activist)

ENFJs with developed Ni and Se (P Heavy)

• Alex Garland(English filmmaker)
• Javier Bardem(Spanish actor)
• Leonard Susskind*(American physicist)
• Richard Doyle(Professor of English and Liberal Arts)
• Sigmund Freud(Austrian neurologist)
• Zbigniew Preisner*(Polish film score composer)

ENFJs with developed Ni and Ti (Cabbalists)

• Carl Sagan*(American astronomer)

ENFJs with developed Se and Ti (Sensationalists)

• Klee Irwin(Physicist and businessman)
• Sadia Khan(Pakistani relationship coach)
• Tessa Thompson(American actress)
• Zoe Saldana(American actress)

ENFJs with developed Ni, Se, and Ti (Fully Conscious)

• Jordan Peele(American filmmaker and comedian)
• Jordan Peterson(Canadian psychologist)
• Renaud Contini(Writer)

I have had a lot of ENFJ in my life but just as friends but they always would ask my opinion or notice things about me. I also found some attractive because they were straight shooters and really good at rich conversations. I’m not sure I want to change those friendships but it has led me to be curious if it could work if I gave it a chance with others. Had relationships with INTP been fulfilling for any of you?

I’m really good at showing love to others and can express all five love languages. However, I recently realized that I'm not a emotionally loving toward myself. I often seek love and validation from others to boost my self-esteem and feel connected. I want to break this pattern and start giving that love directly to myself.

I know that making us angry is an hard task but for example if someone misunderstands your intentions or if you see someone facing an injustice or if someone keep taking advantage of you because you are always kind an caring…how would you react?

Personally I can become passive aggressive or I bottle up to the point I can’t hold it anymore and burst out my rage verbally only for regretting later, but usually I call a friend or my mom to vent.

I bet you got mad at least once in your life, what was the reason? How you reacted?

I have probably had 3 ENTP's in my life. One was a work aquaintance, one is my best friend, and one is my father. I have never dated an ENTP, I don't think

The work aquaintence: we worked very well together. We liked talking about various ideas, we knew how to communicate properly, we had some hard conversations but we also got along very well. Not super fleshed out friendship, or anything, but we worked well together

My best friend: Really unsure. He and I bond over a lot of core issues, and attitudes, and beliefs. There is an underlying fear that I have that he's unreliable, though. That, he's not always going to be there if I need him to be. That, fundamentally, we only get along because I've put in the effort to be the person in his life who will let him explore his way out of a very intensely religious family. And, in our relationship, the times that I've been hurt by him the most was when he was using Ti. There have been a few times where I wanted his support, his presence, his soothingness, where I needed his help, where I was in a really stressful situation, where he decided not to help me because he decided that "it didn't make sense why I needed it." He left me hanging because of his Ti

So, deep relationship, and lots of interest points, and we've built a strong connection, but distrust because I don't trust that he won't leave me hanging because he decides it doesn't make sense to be there. So, fear of his Ti taking an ax to my Fe.

My father: Man. Complicated. I love him dearly. I have so many great memories of him. And he's a very impressive man. And he and I have a very deep bond. But, almost the same as my best friend, his Ti keeps eating away at my Fe feelings. I don't think he's reliable. And I don't trust that he won't hurt me. I can't argue my points, I can't argue why my feelings are the way they are, and his gut instinct is to poke holes in ideas that aren't fleshed out. Which means, it feels like there's a flesh eating disease eating into my ideas and my beliefs and my feelings, decaying it, because I can't articulate them well enough, and because of that everything I believe is destroyed by his Ti. This is because Ti is my weakness, it's really bad in me. So, I feel like nothing I believe is good enough, nothing I see or value is worthwhile, because... well, because I can't explain it well enough.

Now, this is a me problem. If I was better at articulating my feelings in a way that made sense, I wouldn't have this problem. It wouldn't be such an issue, except my best friend is an ENTP, and my father is an ENTP, my younger sister is an ISTP, and my younger brother is an ESTP, which means that I'm surrounded by people who thrive off of the clarifying of ideas. And it's hard. Because, as an ENFJ, I'm not good at explaining my ideas, and I am surrounded by people who believe "If I can't explain it, and I can poke holes in it, it's not true."

This isn't saying that all my ideas or impressions are right. They're not. Sometimes, my Ni is wrong. Sometimes it's off. And they call me out on that. There are just... it's hard to separate "They're correctly telling me that one of my ideas is off," when almost all of my worst memories in my life came from someone using Ti against me.

So, can ENFJ's and ENTP's, (or let's say, high Ti users) get along? Man... maybe. Maybe this is just because I'm absolutely surrounded by Ti users, which is my weakest function, that I'm feeling this problem. The ENFJ has to be very careful about sharing their thoughts and ideas, and they need to be made of very strong stuff. Understanding that their Ti user person/friend is going to be naturally inclined to see where your idea is weakest, and point it out. Accept it, and then act accordingly. And you know what, sometimes they're right

What do you guys think?

Full disclosure, (rips off mask that looks identical to the face underneath it) I'm an ISTP wanting to understand my favorite type. Thanks for you're consideration.

The ENFJ's in my life have always been caught of guard by my doing things for them. This comes at little cost to me but they are really moved by these small things and appreciate them 10 times over. I know every type is not the same but:

1- Are acts of service a common love language for you/y'all?

2- If so, why are small gestures appreciated so much?

3- How does that motivate you to give back?

Thank's ENFJ"S!

I understand that want you to leave them alone but for how long? Like I get it depends person to person but I don't understand how long is normal and how long is them basically saying they want nothing to do with me. I'm not used to taking space the most I ever asked someone for time was 9 days then. Is 4 months too long? Do you guys also have a problem with understanding this? Cuz I hate conflict so I like to deal with it asap

I'm definitely a 9w8 in enneagram and I also relate to enfj's empathy, willingnes to project a certain image and planning far in the future(Ni seems to always be working for me). What I don't relate to is being overbearing. While dominant(hate to be talked down to) and willing to be respected and liked, I refrain from giving advice for fear of conflict and to be honest I usually don't think like I know what's best for someone unless I know them well. It's only when people piss me off that I try to change them and hate to bring up psychological talk unless they do it first or really bother me with a repeating behaviour. The latter making me sound much more passive-agressive or even agressive. Can any enfj type 9 relate or maybe suggest other type? I have a very hard time cutting people out, I'm more likely to give miltiple ultimatums and I don't have infj's insights so that might be ruled out.

I've always been super sensitive to people's feelings. Even if they've hurt me, when I hear they've cried, I feel their emotions and end up feeling guilty, even though they did me wrong. One of my best friends recently kept something important from me, something I really had the right to know. She's been keeping it for almost 4 months, and today I found out on my own. I feel so empty because she often lets me down. Usually, I'd be super emotional, cry a lot, and isolate myself when she hurts me, but then I'd put myself in her shoes, gather my feelings, and eventually forgive her. It’s been this cycle of hurt and forgiveness. But this time, instead of reacting like before, I just feel empty inside. Am I losing myself? Cause this is not me. It’s not my nature.

I am an ENFJ. I am level 2 autistic. I was at school and getting the shit bullied out of me verbally. Even my friend was being mean or atleast how I processed it. I'm curious, how do you guys get angry? I love people but I'm too the point i started snapping, yelling, and here's what always happens sobbing I sob when angry, upset, over stimulated. Anything. I get a dog, i sob. I lose a fry, I sob. My dog begs for my food and I don't give him some and then finish my food while he looks at me all sad, I sob.

And if it’s not I hope you find the means to overcome your issues 🫡

How ENFJs behave when they are in shadow function?

You want to see that one guy. He sure has a story to tell right? He surely will be a good friend to chat right? He surely has so many qualities average people dont and you want to uncover who this man really is... yet theres nothing you dreamed of, nothing you wished for, and you suddenly find yourself in such a strange spot. This isnt the man I wanted to meet. This isnt a friend. This is just nobody. Probably. This is someone who missed the chance, someone who exists only in your head. The only way to see something positive on him is to dream. But who would want to dream about such a thing when you see the truth? You cant apologise for being a certain way, yet you can be judged. You can die a thousdand deaths in peoples heads yet never live the one true life. You cant. You wont. You seemed like youre the one. You cant keep the illusion forever. My future was decied before I said a thing. I want to learn from my mistakes but every passing day, every time I see myself in the mirror I find it more and more meaningless. What for? Who knows me? Really? Normally I dont really care. Today was a bit different

Let’s say you have a crush on someone. They have been flirting with you for a little over a month. You express to them that you are into them but they say they’re working on themselves right now. Do your feelings for them finally go away? Do you stay love struck forever? I’ve known this person for about a year. I didn’t expect to start crushing after finally exchanging numbers instead of messenger on fb. I went over to his house and the second time we ended up laying on the couch together and we cuddled. I told him we can’t cuddle anymore because he’s not into me through text. His response was “I really have to work on myself mentally, I don’t think I am into anybody like that and it sucks.. You’re looking good though, keep up the work..” needing advice on what to do, how can I put him in my mind as we are just friends and that is all we will ever be? Should I just stop talking to him? He’s 12 years older than me 😫

Hey everyone, I recently discovered my personality type, and it's been a surprisingly validating experience. It feels good to know there are others out there who think and process the world like I do. That said, life’s been rough lately. My girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me, and it’s been crushing. I've spent a lot of time reading old journal entries and reflecting — more than I have in a long while. I wanted to share how my relationship with spirituality and personal growth has evolved from age 17 to now. Maybe this will resonate with someone; if not, thanks for reading anyway.

Early Years

I remember having abstract thoughts as a kid. I don’t recall my exact age, but I’d lie awake at night wondering where I was before life started. It’s a strange, vivid memory that’s always stuck with me.

Age 17: The Beginning

My spiritual journey kicked off in high school, largely influenced by experimenting with weed and psychedelics (cheah!). Around this time, I was listening to Flatbush Zombies and The Underachievers — rap groups with psychedelic and spiritual themes. Their music inspired me to take my first acid trip (one tab, probably around 100 micrograms) with friends.

The trip itself is a bit of a blur, but I vividly remember the next morning. My best friend and I went for a drive, appreciating families outside together and feeling connected to the world in a new way. We also hiked that day, and everything felt different — more alive somehow.

Age 18: Exploration

Throughout my junior and senior years of high school, I occasionally tripped on acid or shrooms (maybe 5-6 trips total). Each experience left a positive, lasting impact. I was journaling, meditating, hitting the gym regularly, and getting into philosophy podcasts and new-age books.

Age 19: College Beginnings

When I went off to college I went in for excercise science and I was full of vigor and excited to learn. I remember always feeling so dialed in class and seeming like one of the only ones that wanted to be in the lecture. I ended up switching majors to environmental biology because I met a very charismatic Spanish Herpetologists(Legend!) that showed me how fucking sick biology can be. I also minored in philosophy.

Age 20: Connection and Conflict

I felt like my freshman and sophomore years were really solid and filled with some of my favorite memories from college. Both semesters of my sophomore year, I made friends with two groups of foreign exchange students (one group per semester). The bonds I formed with them felt so sincere, and I connected with them more deeply than with anyone else at my school. My girlfriend at the time was also spiritual to some degree and really into self-improvement. During this period, I felt more spiritually involved and as though I was moving toward a higher purpose—or something like that.

Junior year, I moved into an apartment with a guy I honestly didn’t know very well, but he seemed cool from our limited interactions. We became friends, but I couldn’t help judging him for what I perceived as a lack of purpose in life. He was a business major who was barely getting by, often sleeping past noon and having poor eating habits. I constantly fought with myself to avoid looking down on him because he did have other traits I genuinely appreciated, and I knew it wasn’t fair to judge people just because they weren’t like me.

It turned out to be a huge learning experience to live with someone who didn’t take life so seriously all the time. Still, something about our friendship never felt quite right. We had fun times together, no doubt, but I never felt like we fully connected. I’ve learned that I really need deeper conversations to feel truly connected to people. Our relationship—and my relationships with his friends—felt mostly surface-level.

Generally speaking, I noticed that many of my relationships started becoming more surface-level during this time. I thought it might be a skill I needed to develop since most people aren’t wired with the "growth" mindset I can’t seem to turn off. But eventually, even that mindset faded. Things weren't working with my girlfriend, so I broke up with her.

At that point, I didn’t have anyone I truly connected with deeply, either at school or at home. I started partying more, but those parties never left me feeling fulfilled. When I partied with the foreign exchange students during sophomore year, I remember waking up with no shame and feeling great. But by junior year, the parties just felt different—hollow somehow.

Age 21: Summer Transformation

Junior year summer, I had an internship across the country that was super cool! I lived at a field station and did research. The people I met there were incredible—everyone seemed to have serious drive and a clear vision for themselves. That summer, I also met the girl who recently broke my heart. Even though we met across the country, she happened to live close to me back home, so we continued dating after the summer. The odds of that happening were insane, and I always loved telling people about it when I got back from the internship.

One of the things I loved most about her was her desire to make the world a better place. She was so much smarter than me in many ways, particularly in her knowledge of politics and the state of the world. Up until that point, I had rarely paid attention to politics because I didn’t think I needed to. It hadn’t really affected me personally, and I never realized the privilege behind that until I met her. She wasn’t the type to throw it in my face or lecture me, though—she gently encouraged me to care more about the world at large because she loved who I was but wanted me to grow in that area.

It took time, but I was receptive and ultimately grateful because it made me feel like I leveled up in becoming my best self. At the same time, I can’t help but acknowledge that I lost a part of myself along the way. Paying attention to the world’s heartaches gradually turned me more cynical.

My senior year of college was good, but mainly because of her. I disconnected from many of my friendships and focused much more on our relationship, but I was happy to do so. I don’t even regret it—I loved the time we spent together, and I learned so much from her.

Age 22: Heartbreak and Reflection

I graduated college and started working a job in my field! My coworkers were all so inspiring—it was refreshing to be surrounded by environmentally minded people. I loved how passionate they were about every aspect of their lives. Most of them were older than me, which sometimes made me feel a little dumb since they seemed to know so much more than I did. But they were always kind and never made me feel that way intentionally. My girlfriend and I were still dating at the time, and I felt more comfortable with her than ever.

The job eventually ended because it was seasonal, leaving me unemployed until I found a new position. I lived with my parents, so I took my time looking for a job and spent time hanging out with friends and my girlfriend. That was until she blindsided me by admitting that she had lost feelings for me a few months ago and had been trying to get them back on her own. She only revealed this because she did something that hurt me (a form of emotional cheating), and when I told her how much it hurt me she finally opened up.

We took a week apart (the longest week ever), and by the end of it, I realized I still wanted to make things work if she did too. I hated what she had done to me and hated that she had never communicated her feelings earlier. One red flag I had always ignored was her emotional vulnerability—or lack thereof. She was terrible at expressing her emotions but excellent at hiding them. I’m usually good at reading people, but she disguised her emotions so well that I started doubting myself, thinking I was the insecure one. I hate that she made me feel that way.

Now here I am, feeling increasingly cynical about the world. Oh, did I mention my best friend from high school is now a MAGA guy? I can’t really relate to him anymore. I have another friend I feel spiritually close to whenever we talk, but he’s been struggling with depression, and it’s hard for us to align our schedules.

I just feel like I haven’t had the emotional connections I deserve, and I’ve been struggling to project that openness to others as well. Sometimes I don’t even know if I miss her or if I just miss feeling emotionally accepted by a brilliant, beautiful woman.

One thing I think about a lot is when she told me during the breakup that she hadn't opened up to anyone as much as she did with me. I could tell how serious she was and how much she understood that it still wasn't enough for my needs. I felt bad for her. I know she struggles with being emotionally open because of past trauma that she hasn’t dealt with yet.

I could’ve been there for her, though! I was always hesitant to bring it up because I felt like it wasn’t really my business. But there were days when everything between us was so good, and yet I knew there was family stuff weighing on her that she wasn't sharing. I craved that emotional vulnerability from her!

At the same time, I understand why she held back. I wouldn’t have been able to fully relate anyway since I don’t have family trauma, so I don't blame her for not opening up. I still care about her so much and, in some ways, it feels like she was the one. It’s not even about wanting to "fix her"—I just wanted to be there for her.

But she pushed me away, even though I know we both still love each other. I should mention that I’m moving across the country soon for another job, and that definitely factored into her decision not to try again with me.

This is getting so sad, but at the end of the day, I still feel this palpable desire to do good in the world and be my best self. But I feel fundamentally different than I used to. I’m not as disciplined or as caring toward those around me anymore. I'm skeptical of new age stuff now and suck ass at meditating... I'm still feeling like a protagonist, but maybe this is my sad boi arc?

Lol if you cared to read this whole thing I appreciate your time.

I’ll also try to explain ENTPs in a language you can best explain

Hello fellow enfj’s. I wanted to ask what you do when work betrays you. As a fellow enfj I have the worst time NOT giving it my all. It’s just a natural thing for me/us. The energy we give to the world, people naturally react to. I work in an office setting. Always 100% there for members and teammates. My work life did a complete 180 recently. Work betrayal, work friends giving cold shoulders, promotion opportunity gone. Write ups and rumors spreading … I’m just having a real hard time getting through the week. I know it’s just a job but god damnit I’m there 9 hours a day.

I know some of you have had a bad day at work. How do you cope?

*edit: a lot of context has been deleted from this post

I asked my husband recently how he thinks I want to be loved. He relayed to me decades of the ways I have asked him to love me. What I realized is that he was never meeting my needs, so I lowered the bar repeatedly until we now have a purely physical relationship with no emotional connection.

I want a soul level connection. The pain is deep and I do not think I will ever be able to have that connection with him again. Mostly because I do not feel emotionally safe.