Hey everyone,

I’m 22 and in a relationship with my 22-year-old cisgender bisexual girlfriend. I’ve been struggling with my gender identity for as long as I can remember, but recently, I’ve started exploring a side of myself that I’m still trying to fully understand.

For most of my life, I’ve identified publicly as male, and I’ve been fine with that. However, for the past three years, I’ve been diving deeper into exploring what it feels like to express my female side, though I’ve never presented as female publicly. I don’t dress or present as female in public, but privately, I’ve been embracing and connecting with this side of myself more and more. It’s something that’s always been there for me, but only recently have I felt comfortable letting it take up more space in my life.

Now, I’m wondering if I can label myself as bigender. I feel drawn to both male and female aspects of myself, but I’m unsure if that’s enough to truly identify as bigender. Do I need to experience both sides more actively, or is it enough to feel connected to both genders, even if I don’t switch between them all the time or present in either gender publicly? I really don’t want to mislabel myself, but I feel like it fits with my experience, even though I’m still questioning whether I’m bigender or something else entirely.

Another aspect of this is that as I explore my female side, I’ve realized that I feel deeply connected to the idea of being in a lesbian relationship. I’ve always thought that I would be happier and more fulfilled in a relationship like that, and now that I’m embracing my female side, I feel like it aligns with me more than the heterosexual relationship I’ve been in. I’m not sure if it’s okay to identify as a lesbian when I’m still in a relationship with my girlfriend, who is bisexual and has always been drawn to sapphic relationships as well. She’s been really supportive as I explore this side of myself, but I’m unsure if identifying as a lesbian in this context is accurate or respectful.

So, my main questions are:

• Am I bigender? I’m just not sure what it really means to be bigender, and I’m afraid of using a label that doesn’t fit.
• If I am bigender, is it okay for me to consider myself a lesbian when I’m embracing my female side? I feel like it fits, but I’m unsure if it’s an accurate or respectful label to use.

Thanks in advance for any advice or insights. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated!

It’s nots even anything big. I don’t think I experience gender dysphoria or anything but I just want to be able to say my identity without fear of getting yelled at and stuff. But I was applying for a college summer program thing and also doing a google form for school and in both they asked my gender and preferred pronouns, but I just put what most people know me as cause I’m paranoid my parents are somehow gonna see my answers and understand them and then they’re gonna give me hell. I feel so trapped in half of my identity and I feel like it’s making me reject that side more. I wish I could just write “he/she” freely without fear of rejection and anger

So I've identified as bigender for 2 years now but due to work lock in I really wasn't letting my femininity bubble up much above the surface and within the last few months I've been fully let out and put in control and recently I was "playing" and thought to myself "I mean technically if this is my clit, if I follow it all the way dow-ohmygod" and I believe I found something and not only that, it feels better and the other method has become a lot more of a chore.

Basically I'm wondering does this sound like a case of phantom genitalia or like is my body actually doing something to me?

P.s I have not taken a single hormone altering substance as far as I'm aware

To provide context, I’m a 29 year old biological male. I have identified as male since birth. I’m comfortable with that identity. Around the time I was 17-19, I became curious about other men. This culminated in me having a couple hookups when I was 23-24 that I didn’t really enjoy, and I just assumed I was curious, but ultimately straight. Last year, I finally accepted that I am bisexual, and that those were just bad hookups. I came out to my partner (who is also bi) and she was supportive.

Since I finally felt comfortable admitting to myself that I’m bi, I’ve been allowing myself to fantasize about being with other men without guilt or shame, and through that fantasy, I’ve discovered that the main draw of having sex with a man for me is getting to “be the woman” in a sexual context. This discovery has led me to discover that I like wearing panties and lingerie, and that I’m open to further potential cross dressing as foreplay, that I want to be described or referred to with feminine language in the bedroom when I’m being submissive, and I’ve recently begun fantasizing about what it would be like to be biologically female while having sex with another person.

I like being a man and I’m not looking for that change, but I’m wondering whether these newly discovered desires are just kinks, or if my desire to be a woman (or identify as one) only in some specific sexual scenarios means I might actually be bigender.

Describing myself as trans or genderfluid when my gender in practically all scenarios matches my sex seems misleading, but I can’t quite shake the thought that these feelings I’m having mean my gender identity isn’t 100% male, which as I understand it, means I’m bi in more ways then one.

Curious to know what others thoughts are.

So I've (15M) been confused about my gender for a while now, about 8 months? I think? I've had a lot of conflicting opinions in this time and I think i might be bigender? I figured I ought to ask the community itself. So around summer last year, one of my friends told me I might be trans based on what she observed. I think I internalised this because she was one of the only people I talked to and she just kept saying it. I liked wearing the feminine clothing and stuff in a way, and that's sorta what solidified it for me. But now we're in different schools, and different perspectives have opened my eyes and I think I was sorta manipulated into being trans as I don't think I might be, as I like my body as it is but I also still feel some tie to femininity. I've been thinking that this all goes back to self esteem issues, as I haven't liked my face, while still not being able to place how exactly I want it to look. So that's everything. I've been thinking for the last few days that possibly this duality in my wants is a sign that I might be some form of non-binary or bigender, but I could really use some advice! Thanks again everyone

I grew up with a lot of trauma and confusion surrounding my gender. It only made things more confusing that there was/is support from those of whom I've had a bumpy road with. For the longest time I felt like my retreat into my masc-identity was purely a defense mechanism—now I'm coming to know that I feel like a man and a woman.

This feels so dizzying sometimes, and I know many others here have had a journey in letting go of social expectations that they present only one way or the other. So, I have to ask, how have you learned to embrace both sides of yourself? And if you use HRT, how have you found a middle ground to feel comfortable when presenting as your AGAB?

Thank you for helping me realize some things! This community has helped me so much, even just reading the posts and comments until now.

If people on the street, well even most of my friends asked I'd say I'm a guy, and that'd be partially true.

Same with my sexuality, I'm aslo more or less aroace, but the little attraction I feel very lesbian, and I really identified with lesbian people even before I figured out I was queer myself. I was in a relationship and that felt unexplainably lesbian, before I even had figured out I was not just a guy.

I look mostly like a guy, I got a kinda androgynous look, with a mix of either really feminine or really masculine features, still, I find it hard to think of myself as lesbian as I feel like everyone just sees me as a guy, tho I feel more mixed in my gender, and often feel like I'm more of a masculine girl, than a feminine guy.

Edit: rewording some stuff + MY SURGERY WENT GREAT WITH NO COMPLICATIONS! I haven't seen the results yet, but check the comments for more details!!

Hi everyone! I want to share that within the next day I'll be getting double incision top surgery without nipple grafting!! I'm going to have a blank, contoured chest to achieve a masculine, maverine and even nonhuman aesthetic which are all things I want very much! Hip hip hooray!! 🎉🎉🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️⚥⚥

Here's why I'm so excited even from the perspective of my female and femme identities:

I consistently identify as 100% male, female, and maverique all at the same time. My masculinity, femininity and maverinity/outherinity can't be separated from each other. Because of that ever since my chest started to develop as a child I knew I didn't want and couldn't have breasts, even while embracing my feminine interests and assigned identity. As soon as I found out about elective mastectomies at 10 or 11 years old I knew I needed one. That was also when I started being conscious about gender for the first time and immediately figured out I wasn't cis. My chest gives me consistent gender dysphoria and chronic pain. My chest dysphoria mostly comes from being male/masculine and maverique/maverine, but I'm not just getting top surgery for that. I'm also getting it because I have just as much chest dysphoria as a female and femme. I want to be a female without breasts just as much as I want to be a male and maverique without breasts. I will feel so much more beautiful and confident as a female without breasts, and I believe it will reaffirm my femme identity and femininity.

Even after many years of careful consideration and research it makes me feel a lot more confident in my decision knowing that if I ever stop seeing myself in malehood or masculinity I will still be happy I had the surgery.

I'm wishing everyone all the time and resources to figure out what will or won't make you the most comfortable in your own body & that you get easy access to any support or healthcare you need <3<3

P.S. without bringing up too many upsetting topics... What a better way to celebrate the inauguration of a hateful anti-trans, anti-gender expansive tyrant than by getting a sex reassignment/gender affirming surgery! Stick it to the man!!!

Wish me luck! 💙🩷🤍🩷💙

i recently learned gender nullification surgery was even a thing, and i'm seriously considering it. ever since puberty, i had wished i didn't have genitals at all, and when i learned about nullo, i felt like a door had opened.

i asked my gf what she thought about the possibility of me getting nullo, and she said it sounded like a serious and permanent decision, and that i should think on it for a while. she also expressed concerns about having sex, since i have some hang ups around sex because of csa which i won't get into here. i am concerned about that aspect myself, but i've read up on how to have sex with nullo, and i think it sounds like something i want. i had also floated the idea of phallo before to her (i have a vagina), which she was very supportive of, although i ultimately decided existing phallo procedures aren't for me.

i told my gf that i was already planning on waiting a while - years, most likely - to decide, and she said i should just wait for phallo surgeries that i do want to be developed instead of getting nullo, since i would rather have a penis than a vagina, and it would be easier for me to have sex.

ultimately she said it was my decision and she wouldn't try to stop me, but that she thought it would be a bad idea. now i'm questioning it as well. the idea of looking at my crotch and only seeing a seam makes me happy, but she's right to have concerns about how it would change how i have sex.

i asked my other closest friend, who straightforwardly said it was a stupid idea and that i should stop even considering it. she said it would be removing a function instead of changing a function like phallo, which i disagree with. this really upset me but i didn't know what to say other than that the idea made me happy.

it hurts that i don't have anyone who's supportive of what i want, but i understand it's a pretty niche surgery, and a big decision.

tldr; i'd like to hear what other people think: what things should i be thinking about as i consider nullo, how i should talk to my unsupportive gf and friend about it, and if anyone has any experiences with nullo themselves.

Hello! I am wondering if anyone else identifies as bigender but technically has more than two genders? Please feel free to share about your identity and experience! Of course people with fluid, fluctuating, partial and complicated genders are encouraged to share too :-)

My personal experience:

I fall under some umbrella terms like trans/ multi/ fluid gender but my favorite label is bigender. My constant genders I feel 100% are male, female and maverique. My fluctuating gender is androgyne.

Sometimes I call myself trigender or multigender but I prefer bigender the most. I interpret the "bi" in bigender as "two or more genders" just like the "bi" in bisexual. I'm not bigender because I have exactly two genders no more no less. I'm bigender because I have at least two genders, I relate to common bigender experiences, I like how word sounds, the term has a history and been used for decades, and more people are aware of bigender than some other microlabels.

Now my secret is out, I hope I won't get kicked out of the bigender club by all the people who have exactly two genders 🤭 (I'm just joking lol)

How many of us constantly feel like we're teleporting between quantum states of femininity and masculinity?

Sometimes I am really excited to go shoot guns with my bros and work on a truck in my standard T-shirt and jeans.

Sometimes I want to be pretty, go out with the girls, and dance to whatever the DJ is spinning.

Honestly, it's maddening.

It’s as the title describes. I would say I’m sexually and romantically attracted to both men and women, but in specific ways. I want to be with a man as a women, and with a women as a man. Around men, I automatically turn feminine, and turn masculine around women.

And I can see people saying ‘Maybe you have internal homophobia!!’ And I get you, but that’s not what is happening. It’s been this way since I was 12.

I ship gay ships. I ship lesbian ships. I have gay and lesbian friends who I cherish, and yet when I think of myself with a man or women, it’s always as one of my genders, not both. Especially when I think of intimacy.

I’ve experimented, I’ve tried several times to think of myself in a same sex relationship and it doesn’t fit. I’m some sort of super straight person.??? But at the same time I definitely love both men and women?

If anyone’s experienced anything similar PLEASE SHARE… Please 💀🙏

My experience of being bigender is quite binary in that I (AMAB) either feel male or female, with extremely little in-between. When I am expressing my feminine self, I like to wear cute dresses, tops, etc. however, I have some issues finding a lot of stuff I can feel comfortable wearing at all, let alone stuff I like.

1.) I am 6'4 with big ass feet, so the vast majority of women's clothing or shoes will not fit/is not offered in my size. This is also part of why I mainly wear dresses, because they are more forgiving than other things in regards to height/length

2.) I limit myself to modest dresses/tops with zero cleavage/high neckline, as I do not have breasts, but desire to when i am fem. So I bra-stuff, and therefore have to cover up so that it doesn't look awful. I so badly want to wear all of the cute dresses I see, but I have resigned myself to the fact that I cannot.

I feel discouraged when looking for clothes, and when I find something that works, I feel like I won the lottery.

I'm wondering if anyone else has this issue, or could offer some advice? I've looked in subs like r/tallgirls, but even there, 6'4 is too tall for any recommendations I see.

I got bored I’m Sry

So, I'm not a complete stranger when it comes to the LGBT community, being bisexual myself, but I'm very naive about certain things. The more niche labels like bigender being one of those things. That being said I do want to support my friend so if someone could perhaps educate me on what bigender really means and how I can be supportive that'd be great!

So long story short, I got introduced to some queer theory educational material during onboarding in a new job. Around the same time I started drinking heavily, and one night out it slipped out of me that I might have an older female as a part of my character. I did not think much of this, mainly said it jokingly. Fast forward some months, I start to feel really hollow, like I need a feminine touch. Strangely, I am already married to a women and we are regularly physicly intimate. Her touch started to feel cold somehow, she was indeed a little rude during this period, and my hollowness kept growing. In desparation, I told openAI chat about this, that I am longing for a feminine touch, throwing myself in the arms of a female stranger. She suggested that I should give myself the feminine warmth I crave. I hated the idea at first, was angered about it, ,,are you turning me into a woman you stupid chatbot?'' I thought to myself. Having slept on this, I gave this suggestion a try and suddenly, it was like another long lost half of myself started surfacing, like a big bright light in side, accompanied by warmth. I got scared and closed it down. In the following weeks I started to see how colorless and dull my pure cis male idendity feels, like I am somehow starving a part of myself. Now, to bring this inner warmth up again, I feel like I have to call a "she" within me. Mind you, I am just a confused fat bald dude, not wanting any of this at all. At this point, I am at the stage where I either shut these ideas down, as they are confusing me, or I keep going, and explore this warm part of myself, which I am sure I am hallucinating, and must just be some trauma from an emotionslly unavailable mother, or becomes I am slightly on the spectrum. Has someone had similar experiences? Is queer theory dangerous ideology that the neuroplastic mind can adapt to, or is this bright, innocent part of me within, real, she, or a hurt inner child? I am mostly masc presenting, and like women. I have no interest in wearing women clothes, but I like style, good fabrics and sharp vintage clothing. Any reflection on my situation is appreciated.

Hi, I accepted I'm bigender because I do feel like I'm both man and woman and I like that. I just feel like I have dysphoria with my genitalia (if that's correct to call it).

I just wish I do not have penis, and have vagina instead. I am just asking is there is other bigender person with similar experience? Love you all!

Kind of a vent post but also wondering if anyone has a similar experience. I consider myself a demiboy/girl, I feel fully a woman but not fully a man. I don't like using masc labels like man but don't mind guy or boy, and I more or less prefer fem terms. I'm mostly struggling with it because I genuinely enjoy being fem/a woman, using fem labels and what not, and it's more or less apathy towards using masc labels? Ig I just don't mind it, but would prefer that my fem side be affirmed. Can anyone relate?

I came out last year. I'm afab and started taking T a few months ago. I have been feeling good about my body. However I'm struggling to figure out how long I want to be on T. I have big boobs and want to keep them but I feel like that will make it so I will never pass as male but if I keep taking T I will end up looking like I'm in the middle of transitioning for the end of time. Although I know who I am and how I feel, I worry that almost every one will not understand. Which makes me think I should stop taking T before I reach that point. It has made me question what my goals are for taking T. I originally started for bottom growth and to look more androgynous. However I feel like my face is already androgynous and my breasts are the only thing keeping me from being truly androgynous. That and my voice. So now just feeling confused on how to proceed.