An old wench waited for two hours to get in a bus. Bus after bus came full and she couldn’t squeeze herself in. When she finally managed to crawl in, she wiped her forehead, and said, “Finally, glory to God!”

The driver said, “Mother, you must not say that. You must say ‘Glory to comrade Stalin.”

“Excuse me, comrade,” the woman said. “I’m just a backward old woman. I’ll say from now on as you told me.”

After a while, she said, “Excuse me, comrade, I am old and stupid. What shall I say if, God forbid, and Stalin dies?”

“Oh, mother, then you shall say, “’Glory to God!”

I bought a BTR-80A for my defence. Got some good AK'S PMC and some assault gear. Should i buy something more?

A Polish tourist comes back home after visiting the USSR. He carries two very large and heavy suitcases. On his wrist is a new Soviet-made watch. He tells the customs man: “This is a new Soviet watch. It’s a wonder unknown in the capitalist countries. You see, it shows time, the rate of your pulse beats, the phases of the Moon, the weather in Warsaw, Moscow, and New York, and more and more!”

“Yes, it’s a wonder,” the customs man agrees. “And what is it you have in these big suitcases?”

“Oh, it’s just the batteries for that watch.”

Americans wondered how it can be that the Soviet citizens voluntarily buy the state bonds, which never pay back. The Soviet envoy said, “That’s right. In our country everything is being done strictly on voluntary basis. Even our dogs lick pepper voluntarily.”

“You are kidding!’ the Americans said. “We would like to see a dog licking pepper.”

“No problem,” the Soviet envoy said. A dog was brought in, an embassy’s servant took pepper and rubbed in under the dog’s tail. The dog whined and started feverishly lick under his tail.

“Do you see?” the Soviet ambassador said. “It’s really very simple. Our people buy the bonds the same way.”