How come Protestants are so divisive?

This question may be a lot harder than seems.

Just kidding, I actually want to talk about which pop stars are sinful.

It would be best if you returned to your domicile.

When i heard there was going to be a great division that would split the church right down the middle I got my hopes up.

I'm DONE!

"New Zealand” is not a Christian doctrine. It’s not anywhere in scripture. There are 0 verses asserting anything like New Zealand. Even liberals/progressives will agree that New Zealand, as a concept, is a later invention of humanity. It’s not a discipline that developed from Christ and Christians are righteous to reject it.

“New Zealand” was originally a pejorative meant to malign people who weren't from Zeeland, not dissimilar to “pakeha”. I don’t identify as “pakeha” either, and I have no need to make it my whole personality as if it was a fad.

EDIT: I KNOW THE ONLY REASON I'M GETTING DOWNVOTES IS YOU ALL CAN'T HANDLE THE ANTIPODEAN TRUTH.

I'm playing GTA V and I have some theological questions. I know virtual violence is fine but what about the strip club? Is a virtual lap dance a sin? I have a mission that requires me to enter the strip club.

Is it adultery to lust over pixels?

Also, I may have joined a cult.

Also I get the feeling my character may be an LGBT.

The children were wrong. It IS a tumor!!!!

When I was a child I liked monster trucks and car racing and sports and rock and roll because my dad did. I made fun of vegetarians and homosexuals even. But then the Lord cured me. I started doing arts and crafts. I started hating sports. I became a vegan. I started defending LGBT positions as an ally. I started loathing monster trucks and all trucks. I stopped listening to rock and started listening to modern folk and indie. I once was lost but now am found.

Seems like the 'filthy rags' metaphor is overdue for a reddit-inspired update.

Grovel, bitch!

Was it part of God's plan for me to be mildly inconvenienced this morning?

She insists that "QUAW" is a word because it's in the Oxford English Dictionary. The OED! How is that not cheating?

I could forgive it if it hadn't been on a Triple Word Score...

Some miracles, like axe heads floating in water and seizures stopping seems pretty mid. Especially compared to other miracles, like stopping the sun in the sky or walking on water. Do you agree that we should be holding God to a higher standard when it comes to miracles?

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My wife, who apparently has promoted herself to chief Bible study leader of our household, was “leading”, if a woman can even do such a thing, a Bible study with our daughter and my sister. I told her to go do it somewhere else, because her exegesis makes Andy Stanley sound like Charles Spurgeon.

I'm the pastor of a large church but don't consider myself a wealthy person. Yes I have a private jet plane, but my closest friends are richer than I am. I want to upgrade to a larger plane; I believe God wants to do this because he's my BFF and wants me to be rich. So recently I used my congregation's tithe money to buy a new plane.

Then my henchman approached me and complained the money I used was earmarked for helping the poor (freeloaders) and sick (people with not enough faith to be healed). He quoted something called the "Gospels" (I've never read them; I only preach the Bible, not Marxist drivel lol). He was pretty insistent and I'm not used to being questioned. Then the local paper caught wind of how I used church funds and people started sending me mean letters.

I don't get it. I'm just your nice, average pastor who politely informs everyone who doesn't share my beliefs that they are hellbound. Why are folks so upset that I'm so successful?

Cannot believe how liberal that subreddit has become, they even deny that everything you have said or done will be played back at judgment. But THIS WAS YOUR LIFE p. 11 is crystal clear on this topic. How can you say you are a Christian when you don't accept the Word of Chick!?

He’s refused the vaccine and doesn’t watch the liberal media. How do we get him to join our cult?

As the title states: my girlfriend got raptured during the eclipse, and (as you can tell) I'm still here. Now, of course I want ro get into heaven, so I think I should marry her, and that should do the trick. Because it is written in 1 Corinthians 7:12

For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

Does anyone here have experience with arranging such a long-distance marriage? And is it a problem if the bride is absent from the wedding, for obvious reasons?