for they will shock the hearts of those who need them into an obedient rhythm.

Whenever you feel the urge to rub yourself in the sinful place, try these tips:

1. Cold shower: for maximum effect make it ice cold and stay under as long as possible. You want your ballsac to look like a shriveled acorn
2. Get plastered on Tequila: it is hard to masturbate when you barely feel your hands 🎉
3. Edifying literature: you may want to try Trumps executive orders, and if that doesn't work there's always the Trump Bible.
4. Watch a livestream of immigrants getting deported: nothing takes your mind off the urge like watching the outgroup of the moment get it handed to them. Unless you're into that kind of thing, in which case I guess you picked a bad year to stop masturbating.
5. Two-minute hate: turn your television to a woke channel and let loose! Screaming at your enemies will release the steam in a healthier and more Christlike manner.

You lost the game.

Also, I'm gonna go sidehug your mom.

Just all of them. I don't think we should have anh discussion or content on this sub. Please justshutthe whole thing down..

/uh feel free to make a "can we ban all "can we ban all <x> (posts)" posts" post.

Capturing, killing, and skinning 100 dogs for your own luxury fashion is animal abuse, greed, and pride.

/uh repost because I should've googled how to spell her name. Also fun fact: it took me years to realise the wordplay in her last name, though it makes less sense in my native language.

What are we, matchstick men?!

I inow someone will inevitably call me "elfophobic", but don't you dare tell me those don't freak you out too!

1 Once you have their money, you never give it back.

3 Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.

6 Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.

7 Keep your ears open.

8 Small print leads to large risk.

9 Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.

10 Greed is eternal.

16 A deal is a deal.

17 A contract is a contract is a contract… but only between Ferengi.

18 A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.

21 Never place friendship above profit.

22 A wise man can hear profit in the wind.

23 Nothing is more important than your health… except for your money.

31 Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.

33 It never hurts to suck up to the boss.

34 War is good for business.

35 Peace is good for business.

45 Expand or die.

47 Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.

48 The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.

57 Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them.

59 Free advice is seldom cheap.

62 The riskier the road, the greater the profit.

74 Knowledge equals profit.

75 Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.

76 Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.

91 Your boss is only worth what he pays you.

94 Females and finances don't mix.

95 Expand or die.

98 Every man has his price.

102 Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.

103 Sleep can interfere with…

109 Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.

111 Treat people in your debt like family… exploit them.

112 Never have sex with the boss' sister.

125 You can't make a deal if you're dead.

139 Wives serve, brothers inherit.

168 Whisper your way to success.

190 Hear all, trust nothing.

194 It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.

203 New customers are like razor-toothed gree-worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.

208 Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.

211 Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.

214 Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.

217 You can't free a fish from water.

223 Unknown, but presumably concerned the relationship between "keeping busy" and "being successful".

229 Latinum lasts longer than lust.

239 Never be afraid to mislabel a product.

263 Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.

285 No good deed ever goes unpunished.

But I tell you, mock your enemies and exploit the people who are more vulnerable than you.

If you love those who hate you, what reward will you get?

But some sins are more equal than others.

Keep that filth out of my reddit.

I can't bring myself to uninstall the app, but I keep trying to open it. Struggling to get my mind to shut off so I can sleep. I feel cutoff from the world and society. It's like I lost my friends, my comfort and my access to information.

I lost my faith years and years ago, but now I think I might finally see evidence for the existence of a good and loving God: TikTok is down. Of course, the inauguration of Trump Monday suggests the existence of a cruel and capricious God. It is truly a spiritual struggle trying to discern what is the truth. Can any brethren or sistren come alongside and extend the arm of fellowship to sidehug me in this time of confusion?

without opening the grate to a ventilation shaft through which you can worm on your elbows and knees, eventually dropping into the control room and taking the guards by surprise.

Well, I mean, he doesn't open the grate, you still have to climb up there and unscrew it yourself, using your gifts and talents and all that.

Well, I've got news for Biden: the freedom to Pope is not awarded by any politician. We are all endowed by our Creator with the inalienable freedom to Pope.

Ohio: Relient K

...and he was like "where was the church during the council of Florence?"

And I just said "Why the fuck should I care?"

For context, I am heterosexual. I like the opposite sex. But I refrain from being in a monogamous sexual relationship because I'd be far too tempted to have sex, and that's sinful. If sexuality wasn't a sin, I'd happily change my tune, but this doesn't seem to be the case. I wanna hear your BEST argument for why sex without procreation isn't a sin.

Unrelated but they also seem to have elected a new Speaker of the House

Also is there any kind of procession going on between the ingredients or are they all on an equal footing?

Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, Solstice, Yule, Diwali (belated), Bodhi Day, Boxing Day, Saturnalia, Hogmanay, Omisoka, Soyal, Pancha Ganapati, Dongzhi, Las Posadas, Krampusnacht, Chalica, Zarathosht Diso, and New Year’s!!!

Buying indulgences seems really dull. I'm in the mood for something modern, edgy.