Alright, it's not about a first date hookup or anything as such. I'm talking about what are the changes and dynamics in a relationship after having sex, i.e engaging in a sexual relationship. For reference, it has been a 3 month courtship, and then a 6 months LDR. Both (20M, 22F) and virgins and had sex for the very first time. So how are the dynamics going to change or change if at all?

As in the title share your stories..

I go on first dates (normally drinks) and theyre great. Good chemistry, fun and sometimes we’ll fuck and other times we won’t. But I’m not looking for a relationship right now, just fun with cute girls. So after this first date, how do I make it just a continual sexual thing without doing more weekly dates, if possible? Do I just ask her to come over when I’m feeling it? And in regards to texting/communication do I text them regularly or only for meeting up? And how often should I see them per week? Basically, what do I do after first date to keep it sexual and surface level.

I have thought about what it is about and why even do it? In my point of view it is all about making the girl/woman feel attracted so he has a biological and psychological desire for you. If you can not do that, it is impossible for a woman to sleep with you or even date you.

You have to convince her by having goal in life, being social, no needing anyone and not get overwhelmed by her beauty and having a stoic personality that your emotions do not control you.

Just to highlight, first and foremost I'm not chasing this woman.

There's a woman I have been talking to, I've known her for about 2-3 years now.

We were supposed to meet up when I first got in contact with her, but she was travelling for like a year or so. We kept in touch here and there during her travels.

Then she came back, I "slid in her DMs" (basically WhatsApp'd her). We met, had a great day-date, kissed and went our ways. After a few days, she let me know that she was talking with someone before she went on a date with me, and he wanted to "give it a go", she lied about some of the details, but I wished her the best and kept it moving. The lies being she was talking to him some time ago, and that was from a particular city, but I knew he was from the city we are both from. I think she just wanted to let me down gently but essentially was saying "this guy's better".

Fast forward a few months down the line for the last year, she intermittently gets in contact, even as recently as last night. I can see her social media and she's one of those people who posts pics with whoever she's dating after a while. So I have noticed that she seems to try to get in touch with me when she's single, lonely & bored again, but I'm not really interested, even to have sex I'm personally not feeling it. But I still keep it respectful in communications.

She keeps asking, when are we going to go on a date again, I keep being vague, and saying it would be nice to see your face, but I'm busy etc etc. She then says something along the lines of "haha, I have been trying to date you for a while".

My question is, should I be outright and tell her I'm not interested, and say it would be cool if you want to link up as friends. Or keep my options open for possible sex even if at the moment I'm not in that mindset with her.

Tldr: Girl keeps trying to hit me up, after she decided to try and date another guy. Should I respectfully tell her to fuck off, or keep my options open.

I belong to south asian region. I came to europe few months. But this winter is first time in paris...everynight i got wet dreamed. I get seduced in sleep & it slips 🤣 out.

i mean ive been doing good formyself but last night i went 0/8 at the club visiting my friends college town, i feel its especially harder with the hotter gorls. what type of convos escalate the girl sexually along with the physical touch?

I developed a strong crush on my friend let’s call her “M”, who I’ve known for a while now. We’ve hung out a lot and had some great times—whether it’s going out with friends, watching sports together, joking around, or talking about random topics like politics. At one point, M even handcuffed ourselves together at a party, and we were in a matching couples costume, which I couldn’t help but think was kind of flirty.

Some of my friends even thought she might like me back based on her actions. One time, I showed M and her friend a satirical Venn diagram about the types of girls that each of my friends find attractive. My section said something like "blondes with belly button piercings," and M’s friend laughed and said, “Will, you know you just described M, right?” That comment caught me off guard and made M blush, which made me wonder even more if there was something there.

Eventually, though, the stress of keeping my feelings to myself got to be too much, so I decided to tell her. I texted her, explaining that I’d developed feelings for her beyond just friendship but that I respected her and wanted to be honest. I also made it clear I didn’t want this to make things awkward between us and that I really valued our friendship.

M responded really understandingly, saying she appreciated my honesty and respected me for telling her. She told me that, even though she doesn’t feel the same way, nothing would change between us. She reassured me that we could still hang out as usual, that she didn’t feel awkward about it, and that she’s a pretty lighthearted person who doesn’t take things too seriously.

At this point, though, I’m struggling. I’m dealing with a lot—school stress, the Yankees losing the World Series, and just feeling like things aren’t going my way. It’s tough because I still really like her, and my feelings aren’t going away overnight. Part of me wishes I hadn’t heard from my friends that she might like me because it raised my hopes, and now I feel like I’m just left questioning myself and wondering what went wrong.

Despite everything, I still want her in my life as a friend. I just want to feel that kind of romantic, passionate love, and it’s been difficult to navigate wanting more while trying to respect her feelings and keep things light.

We tried to do long distance but up until start of October, she got tired and started seeing new guys. We still text like we used to when we were exclusive, but she has a fuck buddy now. Do I drop her? or do I keep texting her (and find my own fuck buddy) until i see her again next summer?

Curious to hear from the crowd! Open discussion for all to contribute!

Warning this is a long post.

For context lads

Im 27. Never had a long relationships, but Ive hard close to 10 partners.

I started dating around 22. I took my time for reasons.

I used to be quite overweight, now Im more jacked but not lean yet.

This changed nothing on dating apps. I still get near 0 matches, even though I got many comments in real life on the glow up.

Anyway, I also use an app not for dating but learning languages. Youre not supposed to flirt there but I do it occasionally.

Im into eastern countries and women.

On that app I have pretty much the same pics as my tinder.

You wouldn't believe the amount of messages from gorgeous women there.

Russian, Ukranian, Polish women. Other countries too.

I get messages daily. I have next to zero effort to do, and flirting is often effortless. Im getting nudes and sexts left and rights with several girls who already asked me to visit them. And no catfihs of course.

I get messages like 'how are you single' or ' I'd let you do anything to me if you were here'.

I turned 20 min chats in them sending nudes in the matter of an hour.

Its like a different planet its crazy.

Now we all know how much harder dating is in western countries but still this is insane.

Here, in my country in western Europe even women I would never flirt with aren't into me at all, Im completely invisible.

It helped boosted my confidence but its insanely frustrating.

Even when I was overweight I still had 10s of matches daily in moscow.

Anyone else like that? I got good at text game but I can never use it here.

When I try to flirt with girls where I live I even feel like they think im weird or something.

Besides demographics and ideologies I can't explain it.

Btw this does not work with other women from Europe. I tried to flirt with Italian, Spanish etc girls on the app, they don't care at all.

I cold approached a girl at the club that I thought was attractive. I got her number and walked her to her car. We talked for a week and went on a date. I went on this date and realized I was not physically attracted nor attracted to her personality. I texted her the next day telling her this. I feel bad but I guess that just the people pleaser in me. Just a quick little story. Unto the next one.

I graduated university three years ago, but I live near campus and have a roommate who's in his second year. He only leaves the room when he goes to class, he's always in his room 24/7 Monday to Monday. He has a long-distance girlfriend at another university who comes to visit once a semester.

It just got me thinking are most guys in that situation faithful or just scared to venture out? I never had a gf at 22 but at that age and at college, I was going out whenever I could bars, clubs and online getting girls. Just asking guys who had GF's in that situation and that age, what would you say it comes down to?

I've met his girl too but she seems way more socially aware and put together than him, which is usually a recipe for disaster in most situations

How to even hold a basic conversation

For some context about a year and a half ago, I got out of my first long term relationship. Since then, I’ve been telling myself I’m “not ready” to date again and have any kinda relationships with women. Not due to trauma from the relationship or anything like that, I learned and moved on. I want to be in a place where I feel solid—focused on my fitness, my diet, my finances. I used to be consistent with the gym and a balanced diet, but I’ve slowly let it slip. I’m not gaining weight or anything, but I feel a loss of confidence and like I’ve fallen off from taking care of myself the way I want to.

I’ve tried dating apps like Tinder and Hinge, and I’ve even matched with a lot of people, including getting some dates. But when it came down to actually meeting, I ended up ghosting them and not going through. I just didn’t feel ready to start anything when I wasn’t feeling “locked in” with myself. I think I use some of the apps for the attention, but I would like taking it further.

So, here’s my question. Should I push myself to go on these dates anyway, even if I don’t feel fully “ready”? Is it worth just putting myself out there, or should I focus on getting my life back on track first?

Saw this really cute girl at the gym last couple nights, I wanted to go up and talk to her but just couldn’t find the courage and unfortunately I never approached. I tend to do this a lot however some days I’ll feel very confident and make the approach but most of the time I don’t. I always feel like crap maybe I’m too hard on myself idk. I’m a 24M (soon to be 25) for those wondering.

Thanks in advance!! 😁

I work at front desk at a hotel, and there was a girl who was clearly eyeing me. She was staying for work for 4 days, she is from the other side of the country. She came up to talk to me all the time and she showed visible interest all of her days here.

On her last day here, she walked by me and walked outside by the entrance to the door and our parking lot, the place that I'd head to the garage when I'm off work. She was standing there holding a cigarette and said hi and told me that this was her last night staying and that she appreciated everything I did for her. I asked where she was going after this and she told me. I told her it was nice talking to her, she said the same and then I said bye. I pretty clearly avoided the opportunity.

Say I was interested in having sex with her on her last night, which she seemed to clearly be suggesting (and I avoided), what could I have said to initiate that? I'm very bad with dating, but girls seem to like my personality and this isn't the first time this has happened when working at a hotel. She was very attractive, I just knew that I wouldn't know what to say or do and I gave up immediately. I also wasn't in a good mood. What could I have done to actually make a move?

I have been making steady progress in the gym. I am 6'4 224lbs. I have weight-lifting consistently for 2 years. Women an men compliment me on my appearance. I always get questions like "Are you a navy seal?" or "Do you play football?"

Web design is my second passion. I am finishing up a site for my portfolio that was mostly made in webflow with a little bit of custom code to add that pizzazz to it. Once I make it responsive I can add it to the capability deck I have already made.

I'm posting this because I realize I'm in trouble. Now I am starting to get to the point of no return.

I used to approach 10-20 a day for a year and realized that wasn't the way. I am someone who over analyzes everything. I was supposed to go for coaching but never did because complications with my finances caused me to not be able to book a hotel room near the spot we were supposed to game at.

I don't trust most coaches and what I am beginning to identify is the personality trait that is attractive to women. I know that it is important to not give a fuck and be fun and expressive and not be in my head all the time. Unfortunately I'm embarrassed to say that I don't know how to that.

Here is what I gather based on how people treat me and the things they say to me:

1. People think I can physically fuck them up.

This saddens me. I am not trying to intimidate anyone. People will often refer to me as sir for no reason both male and female. When I go to the local Publix to shop I get asked if I play for a team or if I do martial arts.

2. I think people think I am too serious and not friendly.

My job have had some women who feel they can be abusive to the male employees who work here. Ever since I started lifting weights 2 years ago and have been able to be competent and work on my own without constant nagging or supervision I notice they don't try and talk to me anymore like a little boy. I have secretly been yearning to go off on any of them if they disrespect me male or female. I think they can sense this and now everyone avoids me. I talk with some other employees here who weight lift but that's it. I always walk fast because I have to adhere to a strict schedule. I have to get home fast, change my clothes to get to the gym on time and then come back home on time to do some programing ad design in the evening.

I do feel like I take things seriously. People have disrespected me at my job and I have had to put some people in their place. Also where I work has a high turn over rate but the housing they offer is cheap.

I am not where I want to be in my career so I think that also plays a role. Even though I am not getting paid for my websites I feel great about the work I have accomplished and the work I have put into it. I think the fact that I am not where I want to be is also effecting my confidence.

3. Watching the wrong content and negative thoughts

I always fantasize about arguing with people and making them look stupid and proving my intellectual superiority over them. I can sometimes also argue with myself out loud as well by myself.

I have been watching video about the continuous conflict between men and women and I think it has impacted me negatively. In short I don't think I am a pleasant person to be around. I'm sure people love working with me because I am focused and get stuff done without nagging but I don't think most people want to be my friend. Also, I am discouraged by the amount of flakes from number closes that I got and I regrettably look at females as a nuisance. I find myself, hating myself and women and I don't want to. I feel mad and horny all the time

Solutions I am considering:
I live in the Florida keys so I signed up for the homeless shelter that's here and I am thinking of maybe going jet-skiing or sky diving once a month to try and develop that fun personality. I also signed up for online training to be a rape crisis operator.

I also want to take guitar lessons weekly.

There aren't much fun places to go here where I live so I gotta come up with something creative until I can afford to move. I am hoping that these changes will cultivate the personality that is magnetic so that when I do approach there is likely to be a higher success rate and not such a dip in mood after the approach is done.

My problem is not that I am lazy. Its just that I don't know how to do it. I just don't know how to get that swag that makes talking to women and everyone in general effortless. My mom said that she wasn't a friendly person growing up and I notice non of my family members are very friendly and outgoing either. Maybe its genetic. Despite it being this way I would still like to improve myself.

Maybe I'll try more laughter meditation or prank-calls

I don't trust most dating coaches because most of them seem to be taking money from their clients to embarrass themselves and do a bunch prank-influencer routines in public that don't seem like they will lead to any success in dating or seduction.

What are the ways you got out of the rut on your own?

As usual there will be someone to make jokes and make fun of me for being open on the internet. I have no control over that. I don't mind being flamed just as long as you can offer some type of tangible advice that I can go out and practice immediately.

Ok so I might get some hate for this. I’m aware of the bro code and I trust in it. But one of my best friends is really making it hard for me.

Let’s call him J, I’m in my early twenties he’s in his mid 20s. We both have had some struggles with women but I think him more so than me.

So yesterday we go to a big city for Halloween. It’s all been planned a few others friends are going aswell, and we were dressed up. I was wearing an anime costume character, but the character wears a nice shirt special tie and a nice watch so even if people didn’t know who I was I was looking stylish.

Because I have had issues in the past approaching women, I wanted to take yesterday to just approach and talk to as many women as possible. And my friend agreed that we could do that. The thing is, I’ve not slept with a lot of girls but my friend hasn’t slept with any. He also watches a ton of porn which I’ve been trying not to watch anymore. So he goes out every weekend with the expectation that some girl will just go up to him and they’ll fuck. Also they all have to be 10/10s. I’m not interested in a ONS at all. I’d rather meet a nice girl, get her details and go on a date a few days later.

Now that we got that out the way let me explain my issue. On our way there I say let’s get rizzy tonight half jokingly but u do have the intention to work on my game. So the night begins and hear this, I approached more women yesterday than I ever have in my life. I’ve also managed to find my weak spots but we’ll get to that later. Also my other friend, let’s call him b, was there too. Now me and B have this “fuck it rule” where if one of us points at some girls and says “fuck it” you have to go talk to them. And in our group is three are the only single ones.

So the night gets started we have some drinks. And I like to start by just talking to anyone. I have a conversation with a dude just about life, and when I get back to my group J calls me gay. That’s fine I can deal with that. We continue to the first bar, there’s two girls dancing, I make my way over and have some really good flirty banter with them. As a good bro I introduce J and he starts talking to one of the girls whilst I’m talking to the other. THIS IS GOOD, J almost never talks to girls. The girl he is talking to joins us again. So I go over to J and ask what happened? He tells me that she went in for the kiss and he dodged it (he always says stuff like this) then he tells me she looks like a lesbian, and admittedly she was wearing interesting clothes (think billie eilish) but she was also super pretty. He then says that her boyfriend hates black people (for context J is white). So I use this as an opening, I head back over to the girls “I hear your boyfriend would hate me?” She looks shocked when I tell her what I heard. “I don’t even have a boyfriend” she says. Interesting. I talk to these girls a bit more tell them that I’ll run into them later.

I head back over to J, who once again is telling me how she kissed him. He also insists that the other girl kissed me which I have to correct, she didn’t. We head to the next bar. And I go wild. Any girl I see, I hit with the “so what are you dressed up as” if they tell me they’re costume I roll from there, if they’re not wearing one I say “so you’re just dressed as a sexy version of yourself” it might be cheesy but the girls love it. Now me and J are on the dance floor and there’s ultra thicc girl with very little clothing. He looks at her and then me “holyyy” he exclaims. “Go talk to her” I say, “no I can’t I’m scared” I hear this every weekend. So I go over, I dance I talk, I ask what she’s dressed as she likes it. Then i introduce J. He talks to her a bit, and I back off a little. Two seconds later J is with me “why did you leave?” Keep in mind I only moved like two metres back. “She wanted me, but coz you moved I had to go, you cockblecked me”. I actutually see the girl leave, she gives me a little grin as she leaves, but she wanted him…sure

I don’t want to bore you guys but I was extrovert incarnate yesterday but J was killing my vibe. I was talking to a 9 who was with her friends, having a good talk. Then J interrupts “why do you not want him he’s 6’4 and lightskin”. This immediately kills the vibe, I excuse myself and take J outside to have a little chat with him. I ask him why he said that and he tells me that apparently one of the girls friends glanced at me weirdly. I didn’t really care, I already had a few rejections that night but all of them were good. The thing is J attributes the little success I have to my looks. Which is annoying in itself. He tells me how he’s angry at those girls and they’ll never find anyone like me. I tell him that not all girls are into tall guys, and not all girls like lightskins and that’s absolutely fine. He’s still angry I think it might be frustration about himself so we sit outside a bit while he calms down.

The night continues, I’m talking to anyone I see trying to have a good conversation. But if the girl I’m talking to isn’t insanely hot, J is next to me making a very obvious disgusted face. And if she is super hot he sabotages me. There was a tall girl super hot but no one was approaching. I head over, I guess her costume (poison ivy) she doesn’t know mine. I ask her if me watches anime makes me a nerd (this works because I don’t look like a typical nerd). We chat about I pull her in so I can hear her better, she’s grabbing my back. I ask her age, “shouldn’t you ask me if I’m single first?” She says, “I don’t like asking questions I don’t want to know the answer to” I reply. She tells me she is unfortunately single, but I talk to her a little more anyways, then J gets escorted out of the bar so I say my goodbyes and leave.

“Fuck that bar, the bitches are all mid anyways” he exclaims as we leave. He asked me watch happened to the poison ivy girl? And I explain that she had a boyfriend which by the way she spoke to me I believe was the truth. “No she didn’t have a boyfriend” well I’m glad you’re so sure of that. The night continues like that, but I had a good time anyways. I realise I have no issue approaching girls or initiating conversations, I’m more stuck escalating but that is something I can learn.

In the taxi back J is telling us how he had to dodge a girls kiss, and how he got cockblocked with the super thicc girl. All stories I had heard before. Which brings me to this, I love J he’s a great fun guy but he’s a drag on a night out. He only thinks going out is for hooking up with girls, ignores anyone that’s under an 8/10. Je will get angry and jealous when he sees his friends triumph. And he’ll downplay your achievements whilst absolutely over exaggerating his own. But the thing is I don’t really go out and he is often the person to initiate it. So what can I do? He’s my friend and I want to help him but he doesn’t help himself?

TLDR: my friend gets jealous, sabotages me numerous times whilst not making any significant moves himself.

Had a few awkward cold approaches today and was just wondering if it gets easier aha?

There were a couple of girls I went up to and say “hey I just saw you and thought you were mad cute so I thought I’d come over and introduce myself”

Blank expression. Nothing came about it?

Any tips on combating this?”?

I went out with the same guys from last time, when I first went out I couldn’t say hi to anyone.

Last night I was talking to EVERYONE, cracking jokes with wings, ignoring any kind of negativity and was just extremely loose and social.

I would open girls walking by me with “excuse me, two seconds…”, followed by “I love you” or something.

One girl turned her back to me and ignored me, and that kind of felt good because I’d never taken enough risk to even be rejected before. I still kept smiling and having fun.

There were many instances where I’d say something to a girl but never plant myself in front of her and have an actual conversation or give any direct compliment. That was my weak point, I’d avoid eye contact with girls across the bar, and was still very hesitant in many ways to be man to woman. Despite being in a great mood.

Being social with other guys, or girls passing by is one thing, but being direct and polarizing with a girl when it’s just you two and your balls are on the chopping block is just a mental block I need to get through.

I’m going out 3x per night at this point, trying to get good at this. Tonight I’ll work on being more direct and holding eye contact, maybe smiling.

As a shy guy lately I've started to be more proactive and brave and start interactions with ladies at the club. They are going quite smoothly, no awkwardness but it never goes beyond a friendly conversation. I try to make eye contact with girls I like, to dance close to them and at the first chance I open with an excuse. This is coming easier and easier with practice. They all talk and at some point go and leave me alone.

Is that normal? How do you guys cope with continuous rejection without losing confidence?

Common people and even game gurus always talk about attraction and how to get female attraction?

Is this exactly where we should be looking, and what is attraction anyway? It seems like a vague catch all bucket, and as a man who struggles with dating and game but who's been told ad FN nauseum he's attractive and who senses he gets "attraction" early and often, or often enough, this concept is dead to me, is bs. What is "attraction" anyway? Feels of interest, sure but I propose to break down what a man should want into a basket of more useful and precise categories. I may not have a good track record of dating (full disclosure) but I am wicked smart and a good thinker- and my advice has helped my friends in dating and relationships so take what you will.

Attraction to be replaced by one or many of the following (I can't think of consice 3 syllable words to describe exactly these more important concepts):

1. trust generation
2. respect generation
3. attachment generation
4. openness/consideration
5. arousal/excitement

Not how do you attract but how do you open a woman (not open a conversation with a woman but open a woman? how do you generate respect in her for you? Now I'm not saying one should be able to do any or all of these things with any given women you meat, having super skills. I'm simply saying we could replace the focus on 'getting attraction' to the extent we choose to have that focus in the front or back of our minds, or in our every day speech and writing, with getting respect, getting a woman to respect you etc. I also get that there are manifold types of respect, or trust, and even these definitions could be expanded but I think they are more valuable and useful than 'attraction'.

thoughts?

I don’t have much experience and a little shy but when girls at bars or frats start talking to me idk if they’re into me or not cause it feels like normal conversations. Especially when people are drunk they will just start talking to people and I don’t know if they actually feel anything towards me or if they are just drunk so I hesitate to flirt.

Also, I get cautious to make any moves cause I know everyone is watching, would you all recommend not getting to physical inside?

I feel like I’m mid attractive, 6ft 2 good hygiene and all that stuff. Just a normal guy really. I want to approach but I’m scared of what other people think. I don’t know why but I have never been able to get over this. Lately I have been feeling like I’m ready to speak to someone. But I’m always afraid of coming off like a creep or someone being like “leave her alone” also my friends are not supportive and if I started speaking to someone in public they would probably try to stop me or be like “just ignore him” and pull me away. The only place where I sometimes see people to approach is on my lunch break when I go to the shops or at the gym. I don’t really go out much. How can I overcome this? I’ve realised that if you give someone the opportunity to shake your confidence they will and despite knowing that I still can’t act on it. I know that when you approach girls are always a bit on guard and open up after a few minutes but I’ve just never had the balls really

If anyone is up for sexting please dm me rn

After our breakup due to she is cheating on me . She cheated because I am very emotional and very reserved I don’t know the full reasons for sure .but month before breakup I asked her to come home and she came to stay that night it was our first night together and I couldn’t do sex with her (((cause I have skin infection at that time )) I missed the opertunity to do Sex that night . We just spent that kissing and hugging. But after breakup she is giving me looks and signs all the time and I am very disappointed of missing my opertunity I want to complete my task I can’t live with that regret slipping a 10/10 so give me your advices guys

I want to talk about a quality that many guys struggle with, and surprisingly, it’s more prevalent than you might think.

This issue can seriously impact your romantic and social life, yet it's often overlooked in conversations about attraction.

I had an experience at the gym recently that reminded me of this quality when a catchy song by Meduza started playing. The lyrics struck a chord with me:

“I did something wrong, but I don’t know what. Just want you to want me, but you just wanna leave me on the tone. Why don’t you pick up the phone when I’m all alone? Do you hate me? Hits me like a heart attack when you don’t call back, someone save me.”

While the artist isn’t giving dating advice, those words resonate with many men. It illustrates how some guys can feel when they’re trying to reach out to someone who isn’t responsive.

But it’s not just about big gestures; it’s also the smaller, more subtle behaviors that can be off-putting. For instance:

• Frequently asking, “Do you really like me?” or “Are we okay?”
• Over-explaining your actions unnecessarily, like texting, “I hope you don’t think I’m ignoring you; I’ve just been busy, but I want to see you soon.”
• Pressuring for relationship labels too early or discussing long-term plans on the first few dates.

So, why can this quality be unattractive?

From a human perspective, we are naturally drawn to strength and confidence. When someone exhibits neediness, it can signal insecurity and dependency, which may suggest they aren’t ready for a healthy relationship.

Moreover, neediness can imply a lack of options or self-worth. People tend to seek partners who offer a balance of benefits while minimizing emotional burdens (according to social exchange theory). When someone is needy, they might unintentionally make their partner feel responsible for their emotional well-being, which can create an imbalance in the relationship.

From a psychological standpoint, the excitement and anticipation in romantic interactions can be diminished by neediness. It often smothers the relationship, removing the thrill that comes with a healthy chase.

What’s more, many who struggle with neediness often don’t recognize it in themselves, rationalizing their behavior as being deeply in love.

Neediness can stem from various fears—fear of rejection, fear of being alone, or fear of inadequacy. When men confuse this behavior with love, they might express possessiveness or a desire to control their partner’s actions, all while convincing themselves they’re just being caring.

This dynamic is often romanticized in media, leading many to believe that such behaviors are acceptable, but in reality, they can be harmful.

So, how can you move past this behavior?

Based on my experience, two key elements are crucial:

1 Loads of options.

If you have a date every 3 months, you will feel very nervous on that date because if you mess it up, you will need to wait months for the next one. And because of your fear of being alone, you will justify why you like the girl more than you actually do. Maybe she’s not your ideal type, but it’s better to date someone than no one at all, right? And I guess she’s not too bad..

But what if you can date as many women as you want? Let’s say you wanted to date one new girl a week.

That’s 12 women in 3 months and suddenly you have way more options.

If you date 2 new women per week that’s 24 women. And now not only you will be less needy because you know you can date a new girl next week if you want to, you can also be more selective and see if you truly like the girl rather than FOMO making you rationalise why you do.

However, loads of options by itself is not enough to eradicate the disease of neediness completely. You might have loads of options, but then you meet a girl you really like and turn into a possessive and obsessive leech

You also need – 2 Solid self esteem

The topic of self esteem is much broader than the scope of this post, and I am certainly no life coach, so I won’t tell you how to live your life, but I will tell you what worked for me.

There are many definitions of self esteem, but for me it’s simply knowing that I am enough.

And this means I don’t really need anyone to “complete me”. Not money, not abs and not a particular girl.

Now this doesn’t mean I go into a cave and meditate all day – I still date of course.

But I do it not because I’m seeking a certain outcome, but for the process of it.

I have been in a 7 year long relationship with a girl of my dreams, and I have also been single where I just date many different women at the same time.

Both being single and in a relationship have their advantages and disadvantages, and one state is not particularly better than the other one.

What matters instead is the quality of the state – you can be in a great, secure and fulfilling relationship or miserable, possessive and toxic relationship.

State is the same (relationship) but what matters is the quality.

All of this to say that I’m not craving a particular state – rather I just try to maximise the state I’m in.

If I’m single – I just want to date the most attractive, fun and smartest girls I can and have cool adventures with no matter where it goes.

So learning how to get loads of options and working on my self esteem helped me cure my disease of neediness.

I cold approached a woman (she must be in her 30’s or 40’s), gave me her number and I asked her if she’s busy this week and said that until 5pm, she’s available. I want to say “good morning beautiful. I didn’t know you could bend so well in my dream”. Too direct? Im really bad at saying the right things. I want to sexualise the convo without being overt. I want to invite myself to her place for sex. She has sent me a selfie too

What should I say? Can anyone give examples? You can DM me too.

I can talk about sex and sexual topics, but there’s gotta be a way to do so without sounding immature and childish about it. Also there’s gotta be a way to hint at sexual intention (ie: wordplay) without sounding like you’re beating around the bush. What’s that sweet spot?