/r/RedditWritesSeinfeld
The best of Reddit writing Seinfeld for today.
What is the gang up to now? Feel free to drop in with either ideas (please use [Prompt] in the title) or scenes/scripts for Seinfeld episodes that never were.
Feel free to come up with ideas for modern day Seinfeld, period-appropriate Seinfeld (90s) or even anachronistic Seinfeld (Seinfeld during WWII anyone?).
If you're looking for post-apocalyptic themed Seinfeld specifically, then maybe /r/seinfeldapocalypse is for you... although such content is also welcome here.
Or check out /r/SeinfeldQuotes for your memorable Seinfeld moments! Check out /r/SeinfeldTrivia and test your knowledge on the Show About Nothing! And check out @Fake_Seinfeld on Twitter!
Interested in other shows by the cast? Check out /r/RedditWritesVeep!
Also, head over to /r/RedditWritesSunny if you're as big a fan of IASIP (It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia) as we are. If you act now, they'll give you a free rum ham for subscribing... just mention Kramer's name.
/r/RedditWritesSeinfeld
George reveals he has a mailbox in the name of Art Vandelay and that someone at Readers Digest has been sending him death threats. Elaine gets into an argument with Mister Pitt over the meaning of “legal tender”, which Mister Pitt insists is a romance genre devoted to lawyers and their torrid tort reforms. Puddy is interested.
Kramer gets the creeps around Elanes nephew who she's taking trick or treating. He thinks he's a demon child.
This episode would be an anthology with each of the characters having their own 5-9 minute Segment.
The gang leaves the bar and end up at a Gypsy booth who read each of their fortunes which has some hidden danger in it.
Elaine is being stalked by a killer. it all starts with her babysitting and getting weird calls. it escalates when she find Mr. Peterman dead with the words You're next next to the body in blood. This goes on for a while as the killer keeps going after people that are not Elaine. This infuriates her making her scream why isn't she stabbable enough for him. She does this in the middle of the street and holding a knife. the cops arrest her for causing a scene. she gets a glimpse of the killer as she is taken away but the cops ignore her.
Jerry is bitten by a wolf. he is turned in a wolf man every night and gives terrible comedy in this form.
George scenario is both Susan and Estelle have died in an accident. He receive a package contain two dolls that look them. Both come to life to boss him around. This makes him seem Crazy to the others.
Kramer Scenario is he afraid he might died in sleep because he was respsonsible for the Death of the buildings Maintenance man. The Maintenance man appear like Freddy Kreuger.
Newman find the Naturom Demento and ends up unleashes all sort of horror in Jerry's Apartment.
The episod end with Jerry dismissing it as hocus pocus as the gypsy curse the four of them. Jerry turn into his wolf man form, George brings out his dolls, Kramer is seen drinking energy drinks to stay a wake, and Elaine ask Jerry if she can stay at his place tonight, since she is paranoid about being followed by the escaped serial killer. As the gang arrives back at Jerry place, Newman is there disturb by the new decor from the book and the gang leaves to go Kramers where Mr. Marbles welcomes them with "That alls Folk".
Thinking following ideas would be good for a episode that maybe takes place in the week leading up to Halloween.
George tries to find a good costume but keeps changing his mind when people guess the wrong things.
George “check me out!” (Dressed as a ninja) Elaine “ what are you supposed to be? Chris Farley in that ninja movie?” George “back to the shop!”
Kramer buys full sized candy bars and Jerry worries it makes him look bad handing out the small stuff.
J.Petermen gets really into the holiday spirit and encourages everyone to wear their costumes to work. Elaine over hears some coworkers gossiping about how provocative her costume is and even speculate that Elaine’s been “padding”.
Happy Halloween everyone!
Kramer starts his own YouTube news channel with only good news.
JERRY: Kramer, no one would watch this! It’s like people wouldn’t be invested in Taylor Swift half as much if she only wrote about her relationships being successful! People are there for the conflict!
George is annoyed with his girlfriend Jill for always saying “Mm-hmm” instead of “Yes” or “Yeah”. (“She can’t even form full words?! Does it hurt her mouth?!”) Elaine uses the lobby of an office building for private conversations. Jerry dates Anna, a girl who has too many private jokes with her best friend, which makes him feel left out.
The rest of the gang are invited to a massive Halloween party, but the host doesn't want Kramer to attend, so they try to slip away one at a time unnoticed to go to the party. Kramer begins to believe that they are being killed off by a slasher.
George is insulted when his therapist doesn’t respond to a meme he sent him by WhatsApp. (“So what if it’s not office hours?! It’s a meme! I didn’t send him a scroll to read! A thumbs up would’ve been enough!”) Kramer complains to Jerry that his bath and shaving schedule is “all messed up”. Jerry finds it harder to hit on girls when he rides the bus because “the line between flirting and #MeToo has become increasingly blurred”. Elaine starts to become aware of The Smurfette Principle and takes great offence to being the Smurfette.
The Cruise: the gang goes on a cruise when Kramer wins a contest on a radio station no one listens to anymore. Jerry wants to go but isn’t sure he wants to pay for an extra ticket for his new girlfriend. George has anxiety about ships and is uneasy about the whole idea. His luggage gets lost after boarding the ship. Elaine meets a guy on board who turns out to be a felon in his home country who lives on the ship because he can’t go home.
Kramer and George bunk together while Kramer's apartment is fumigated. George talks Kramer into gay sex because he's horny and he doesn't want to call his girlfriend because they disagree on whether Kirk or Picard are better. Kramer refuses until George calls him a homophobe, whereupon Kramer relents. A night of passion transpires. Next morning Jerry observes George and Kramer make out and adds it to his comedy notebook, and we fade to Jerry doing standup, except it's bad and he is heckled off the stage. He goes to Elaine's, who is now a bitter spinster. They talk about the dynamics of gay sex, prompting Elaine to tell Jerry she has a strap on. Jerry assumes he would use his equipment on her but she says no way, you go first "butty boy." Next morning Jerry is staring out a window, unable to speak. Elaine calls George and asks him about Kramer - George is over Kramer and is going to hookup with his girlfriend. Kramer is heartbroken and seems splice with Newman, who talks about equality for the gays, hopelessly stuck in the 90's.
…when he sees himself in the mirror and refuses to undress in front of his girlfriend, ending the relationship. Jerrys relationship also ends when Elaine convinces her all men should do it and Jerry just doesn’t want to. Later they get back together and Jerry won’t say if he did it or not until the closing scene reveals he did.
George starts attending random events that offer catering services by taking one of the guests' name cards. One day at a microbiology seminar he stumbles upon a name card with Art Vandelay, PhD. However, he knows nothing about microbiology. Apparently Art Vandelay is supposed to hold a speech about his newest research on stem cells.
Kramer and Newman join a running club and start measuring their weight regularly. Elaine becomes a dog walker but it's harder than she thought, because dogs do not like her at all.
There's a scene when she accidentally starts walking the dogs on a running trail and gets entangled with the runners because of all the leashes and Kramer, as usually, falls over them.
George tries various famous campaign gaffes and presidential mistakes (W "fool me once", that dudes "aaagh" from Arizona, etc).
He goes more extreme and rude/Trumpish but people still want him. He finally crosses a line and his campaign is ended...but everyone hates him. He asks HR to fire him...but the new union guy got a good deal and he's unfireable and benefits are too good to quit so he is stuck surrounded by coworkers who despise him
A bored Elaine plays with her various supplies and superglues a pen to her hand. She has to hide it through various meetings. Eventually she realizes when she holds it and uses it to emphasize things, people actually LISTEN to her. She debates keeping it forever
Kramer meets a woman on the street and starts a relationship. She reveals she was a nun and fell for him. Her priest is told and complains at a meeting of various religious leaders. He meets the Kavorka orthodox priest and its revealed Kramer has seduced women from multiple religious convictions. Enraged rhe priest decides to have it out the Catholic way - in the boxing ring. A terrified Kramer recruits Newman for help.
On a first date a woman invites Jerry to her place. Anticipated sex, he says yes. Instead she has him close his eyes and sit on a couch for a "surprise"....a slideshow from her family trip to Tuscon, Arizona. He tries to escape but her family comes over to watch it
George’s company moves into a new office building and everything’s a mess; George wastes time fighting with his superiors about why there’s no WiFi or no trash cans in his office and wastes too much time instead of doing his job. Elaine is stuck on a bus in a traffic jam when she really has to go to the bathroom. Jerry dates Zoey who is an indie chick but fails to keep up with the constant new bands she keeps mentioning. Kramer tries to become a professional skater.
Kramer still goes trick or treating as an adult, the internet is divided. Jerry does a routine about how the fun size candy bars are so small, they aren’t fun at all. George buys discount candy the day after holidays to keep as his private stash, his girlfriend gets upset that they never have real dessert. Elaine refuses to dress in costume for the Peterman party, she now has to develop a line of year round costume wear.
Jerry: "Kramer, you cannot be homeless, you already have a home!"
Kramer: "You don't understand, Jerry! I don't wanna live in what people nowadays call civilization!"
Jerry: "So you're gonna express your disappointment by deliberately living in the streets?"
Kramer: "That's right!!! Jerry, these people have thought me something. You don't need a roof over your had if you have a mind free as the wind."
Jerry: "Yeah, your mind is already full of wind."
(3 days after)
Kramer goes up with Grizelda, his homeless crush, to Jerry's apartment to get some food.
Kramer: "Hey do you have some peanut butter and jelly?"
Jerry: No, no, no, no, no! If you're gonna live on the streets, you're gonna beg for food! Now get out of here!"
Kramer: "You see Grizelda, how they're treating us? They WANT us to stay on the streets! It's like we're lice in this city!"
Two weeks later, the homeless realize that Kramer actually lives in the same building as Jerry and take over his place, while leaving him to freeze on the outside. Jerry hears noise across the hall and enters Kramer's apartment and sees a bunch of homeless people.
The group's general disdain for other keeps them fairly isolated in the station, choosing to stay together in a cabin. The first they're aware of anything being amiss is when they hear commotion outside one night and see the rest of the men gathered around Bennings-Thing in the snow, before tipping over a gas tank to burn him. It's then explained to them what's going on. "That's a shame," Jerry says, wanting not to be involved.
Elaine hates the cold and is more occupied with trying to get enough heat in their cabin, finding it ridiculous they don't have a proper wood stove. George sees her lack of concern for the situation as suspicious, and begins trying to test her in various ways to see if she's truly herself. Kramer is suspected by the research station at large due to his unorthodox demeanor, and he unintentionally continually makes himself more suspicious doing things like bursting into rooms, breaking quarantines, and cooking up friendly meals for the camp. Jerry winds up tailing Macready because he's sure he's met him somewhere before, trying to figure it out, asking questions like, "Have you ever been to New York?" "What high school did you go to?"
The apartment door swings open and Kramer slides in.
Kramer: Jerry I’ve finally done it.
Jerry: Did you get someone to sponsor your Risk team?
Kramer: No, but people are talking. I’ve opened my own e-Store. I’m going to be rich buddy.
Jerry: An e-Store?
Kramer: Yes Jerry, an e-Store. Like all the other major players.
The buzzer sounds, and Jerry buzzes up George.
Jerry: But you’re not a major player?
Kramer: But I will be, and now I’m there. With the rest of them. Ready to play.
Jerry: What are you going to sell?
Kramer: My line of pasta statues. Copies of my film treatment. My idea for cactus Chia pets. Subscriptions to my newsletter.
Jerry: Kramer people aren’t going to buy those things.
Kramer: And I offer free shipping with hassle free returns.
Jerry: I think it’s time you go… hassle free.
Kramer: Don’t worry buddy… I’ll return.
Kramer opens the door to exit. George is there. Kramer twitches and leaves.
George: What’s up with him?
Jerry: He’s going to… it’s a long story.
Jerry is annoyed with his new girlfriend Lexi for always saying “please and thank you”. (“Please and thank you are only polite separately, never together!”) George tries to rig the attendance clock at work so he could work as little as possible but still receive full payment for each day. Elaine gets into a heated debate after refusing to sit at a bus stop because it’s too dirty. Kramer seeks Sheldon Cooper for some astronomy questions.