Newman falls in to radioactive waste mutating him in to a hideously disfigured superhuman. Slowly gathering a mutant army for world domination. Believing themselves to be a new more superior race. Whose responsibility it is to remove humankind from existence.

Sitting as king of the mutants is no longer Newman but the New Man!

To train for their fight to the death, Jerry and Newman enlist the help of George and Kramer respectively. Elaine spends the entire episode contemplating moving to the recently opened ocean colony @tlantis2.0 to which George ultimately retorts: "What you think you're too good for us?!". A deranged Frank Constanza -who recently mutated into a lizard creature- randomly destroys the fight ring and the potential combattants are too lazy to repair it. The episode ends with a shot each of Jerry and Newman saying each other's names while squinting at each other and then the final frame appears with: "The End?"

The Van B Boys are back but now they are mad max reincarnated. Better hope you know the secret handshake

George is non-stop crying…

Jerry: I’m sorry for your loss. You should really love her.

George: I don’t care about here. She never returned my books!

Jerry: haven’t you already read them?

George: Yes. But there were my books.

Jerry is starving to death and faces the horrible reality that he might need to consider eating human flesh. He's startled to find out, one by one, that Kramer, Elaine and George have all been eating human flesh for months but couldn't bring themselves to tell him. (George, defensive:"I get hungry!") Kramer has not only been eating people: he's been selling the skeletons as seat holders for the 25th Emmy awards - still being held despite historically low viewership). The jig is up when Jerry finds Bania's ring - still connected to his finger - in his cereal.

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I would like this to be a running story. Feel free to add lines and subplots.

Jerry sat in the ruins of his once lively apartment. A broken light dangles back and forth, cradled by the warm breeze that enters through the shattered wall where his window used to be. The light occasionally sparks a bit and small flakes are sent towards Jerry's resting face, to which he closes his eyes and enjoys the sensation of them burning his molten skin.

"You know, this IS better than reality TV!"

Jerry continues this rhythmic exercise for a few more minutes before darkness begins to fade into the corners of his vision and before he knows it, he is fast asleep.

In the dream world, he rises amidst nothingness. He stands to his knees in the endless darkness. Holding up his wrist and reflecting his image into his wrist watch, he is able to see that his face is back to the way it was before Nixon Jr. nuked the democratic convention of that year.

"Wow, this sure is a dream if I've ever seen one. But it seems to be missing a little, something something if you catch my drift."

With an added snark to the end of that sentence, he looks around for any female companions to which he could embrace for a few dream hours. Unfortunately, there were no women to be seen. Only George stood in the peripherals of his vision.

"George old buddy, I gotta say- though I would've preferred meeting some girls here, having my third choice of friend sure isn't a bad compromise."

Jerry gives a chuckle before starting his casual stride over to George.

"Jerry...I can't bleed Jerry."

Jerry looks George in the eye this time and sees a pale film has overtaken his friends vision.

"Every time I cut myself Jerry, my skin just spills out and grows more and more onto every surface."

George then withdraws a knife from his pocket, and cuts straight through his guttural lining. Just as he said, no blood, only a semi-hardened tendril protrudes and masks the floor like a spider's web.

"WHY JERRY? WHY CAN'T I STOP IT?"

Jerry stops his pace and can only gaze as George inflicts many of these cuts upon himself that continue to spread across the infinity in a mass amalgamation of George.

Jerry awakens with a gasp as George slaps Jerry across his face with his 3rd arm.

"Third friend?! Third choice!? That's all I am to you? I thought I would at least be above Kramer!".

Kramer slides in to the wreck of the building
K: Hey, did you hear there's a comedy club open now? They managed to beat back the giant roaches who'd infested uptown!
Jerry (flustered): Oh I'm aware. I used an entire can of guzzoline just to go down and tell them I'm available to work.
K: What did they say?
J: Aahh I don't wanna talk about it. I used three shotgun shells on slime mutants in the parking garage too!
K: Well they've got to have you! You're the second most famous pre-apocalyptic comedian around!
The skull-door-chime rattles, Jerry slides back the spears to admit Elaine
E: Traffic was nuts, do you know your parking garage has slime mutants again?
J: Where do you think I spent my list three shells?
K: I was just telling Jerry a comedy club as opened uptown.
E: Oh yeah, I went on a date there last week.
J: How'd that go?
E: Well let's just say he was more post-apocalyptic spongebob than post-apocalyptic sponge-worthy.
J: Eh yeah I heard that thing about Spongebob being post-apocalyptic. Kind of ironic since now sponges are havens of radioactivity.
E: Hey you'd be perfect for that comedy club.
J: You'd think that wouldn't you.
K: I told him that! He's the second funniest post-apocalyptic comedian in new York!
J: Wait, who's the first?
K: Tina Fey. She's taken over liberty island as a female-only stronghold. Apparently they keep men as sex slaves.
J: And she's funnier than me?
K: Well, I'm on the list, Jerry. The sex slave list. You can't make me a better offer than that.
J: Well I can be funnier than her without forcing you to breed.
E: What's with the sex slaves anyway? Do they not know men will have sex without being chained and imprisoned first?
K: Well it's the challenge, Elaine. There's pressure to perform. They have strict schedules. Not to mention if you aren't indoors by sunset you're liable to be picked off by a cthulhu!
J: Oh don't start with the cthulhus! I need to get in that club! Bania is performing there and he has so many cancers he looks like the michelin man!
E: Did they say anything? Like about why they wouldn't let you perform?

TO BE CONTINUED

Kramer and George search for a particular brand of Canned Ravioli. Jerry rummages in abandoned vehicles in the hopes of finding parts for his broken-down BMW. Elaine becomes the Queen of Queens.

BASSLINE INTRO

[The scene opens with Jerry, George and Kramer walking toward the camera down a dim, dusty hallway]

George: Can you believe it? New York City's first officially sanctioned repopulation orgy and we get to be a part of it!

Jerry: Now let's just get one thing clear, I'm here only to do my civic duties and that is it! You can be certain I will be facing away from the two of you the entire time.

Kramer: Jerry this is your opportunity to explore the secrets of the flesh! Now that the world has ended it's time to experience new things!

Jerry: This is something I'd rather not experience with my two best friends naked.

[They reach a certain door and Kramer enters a secret knock. After a moment, the door opens and a man with a tall heavy frame appears in the doorway]

Man: Welcome to the orgy. [Long pause] Right this way. [Kramer enters but when George attempts to pass, the man holds out his hand, stopping George]

Man: Whoa whoa, no-go pal.

George: What?

Man: You're a "no-go".

George: What do you mean "no-go"?

Man: I'm sorry sir, but you don't meet the standards. The great city of New York would rather not have more of...you running around.

George: The world has ended! The earth needs every human it can get!

Man: Sir if you don't leave right now, I'm going to have to get violent.

[Looks over to Jerry] You...in.

[Jerry walks past the man and looks back at George and shrugs]

Jerry: Hey, he said you were a no-go.

George: Gah! [Storms off]

[Transition to George angrily walking down a heavily ruined street]

George: Don't meet the standards, they should be lucky to have me! [George quickly rounds the corner in anger and bumps into a couple, nearly knocking them down]

George: WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING....

[The couple compose themselves and are revealed to be..] George: Mr. and Mrs. Ross?!

Mrs. Ross: George [The disappointment in her voice is obvious]

George: How...how are you two here? I heard you both died in a car crash during that year I was in prison!

Mr. Ross: Well we're sorry to disappoint you George, but we kept a sizeable fortune for ourselves which I heavily invested into cloning in the inevitable event of our deaths. Our DNA was recreated from our bodies and here we are.

George: That's...incredible!

Mr. Ross: You know George, now that I've got you here, I should let you know that for the longest time I thought of killing you for murdering our Susan.

[George begins backing up slowly]

George: Well I mean...c'mon. It was all in the past. Time to let bygones be bygones right? [Snort-laughs]

Mr. Ross: But now that my beautiful wife and I have been blessed with the opportunity to live again, we've decided that living for revenge isn't the best way to use our gift. We've decided to move on.

George: Oh! Thank you! THANK YOU! So does this mean I'm forgiven?

Mrs. Ross: No.

Mr. Ross: C'mon dear, let's get going, we don't want to be late.

George: Late, late for what?

Mr. Ross: None of your business George, we now choose to live a Costanza-free life. Let's go dear, we can't be late to meet her.

George: Meet who?

[A familiar voice is heard from behind George]

Voice: George?

[George turns around and receives the shock of his life]

[Bass Line plays and the scene transitions back to the orgy door. The door opens and several men start limping out with their legs as far apart from each other as they can go. Jerry and Kramer also limp out with pained expressions on their faces. They both look at each other for a moment, then begin limping down the hallway.]

[Transition to Jerry's bombed-out apartment. Jerry and Kramer are sitting on the couch still wincing with every movement while Elaine is leaning on the kitchen island]

Elaine: So every woman in there was....dry?

Jerry: Like the Sahara!

Kramer: It was torture Elaine, torture! [High-pitched croaking voice] I'm chafing!

Elaine: Ugh, I am SO glad I didn't go, you'll never catch me at one of those orgies, I mean I think between us, I wouldn't have a problem getting somebody to repopulate with.

Jerry: I'm telling you I will NEVER go back to one of those. If this is what sex is like in the future then count me out!

Elaine: Hey, you know I've noticed I've also felt really....dry. And the other day I was talking to one of the women on my floor and she mentioned the same thing.

Jerry: Good God, this is city-wide?

Elaine: Hey.. ya know what? New York City DID get hit pretty heavy by all the nuclear fall-out. I'm willing to bet that any women that survived is really....dry as part of the radiation effects.

Jerry: Well isn't that wonderful!

Kramer: Wai-wai-wait a minute! [Kramer jumps up quickly but yips and grabs his groin as the sudden movement disturbs his injury]

Jerry: What's gotten into you?

[Kramer takes a second to recover]

Kramer: I just remembered. My friend Bob Sacamano was working on a very effective personal lubricant right before the apocalypse. I'm gonna go see if he still has the formula. We could very well solve this dry spell!

[Kramer slowly limps out the door. As he opens it George walks in]

George: So....Susan is alive.

Jerry and Elaine: WHAT!?

George: Apparently, her parents set aside a part of their fortune and dedicated it to personal cloning. So after they brought THEMSELVES back to life...they also revived Susan.

Jerry: Wow that's incredible! But....now she's alive...and she knows you're responsible for her death.

George: I know! I panicked. I turned around and there she was! I didn't get a single word out before I just ran away!

Elaine: Well you've gotta talk to her. You owe her an apology at least.

George: Yes...yes I should. And I SHOULD apologize and try to get her back.

[Jerry and Elaine share a look, shocked that George actually said that]

Jerry: You....are going to apologize? After all the work you put in to try to get her to call off the engagement to her? Not to mention your happiness of being single again after she died.

George: You don't understand Jerry, it's literally the end of the world and no woman will sleep with me! I've tried so hard and get shot down even with the much lower standards these days. I don't even get accepted at repopulation orgies!

Elaine: Well, I'm gonna get going. I'm headed back up to the office.

Jerry: The office?

Elaine: Yeah I just ran out of canned corn but I just remembered that Julie who worked in the office next to me at J. Peterman always had snacks and canned foods in her desk in case the power ever went out and we got stuck in the building. Might be a bit of a stretch to hope they're still there, but I don't have anything else to do.

George: Yeah, I've gotta go home and plan how I'm gonna get Susan back.

Jerry: This might be the most sincere thing you've ever done in your life, and of course it's mainly for sex.

[Transition to Elaine rummaging through a dusty, broken-down office]

Elaine: C'mon Julie, I know you've got that stash somewhere.

[She strains to open a stuck drawer but eventually manages to open it. She pulls out a can of green beans]

Elaine: A-ha! Score!

[Suddenly voices can be heard down the hall. Elaine notices and starts heading toward them. After rounding a corner the voices get louder. She notices they're coming from Mr. Peterman's office. She turns the handle and enters the door to find..]

Elaine: Mr. Peterman?

[J. Peterman is seated at behind desk, looking sharp and crisp without a hair out of place. Seated around his desk are some familiar faces along with a few new ones]

Peterman: Elaine! I was wondering when you were going to turn up. I would've liked to go searching for you but we've been quite busy here ourselves.

Elaine: Mr. Peterman, but..how...why are you here?

Peterman: Come now Elaine we all know that a silly little nuclear winter was not going to stop this catalog. Please, have a seat. [Motions to the empty chair that she usually sat at before] I specifically kept yours open because I knew that you'd be back eventually. Though I AM disappointed it took you this long.

[Elaine reluctantly sits down]

Elaine: But sir..the world has ended!

Peterman: If that's the case, then what are you and I still doing here? Surely you realize that this means the world needs us now more than ever! If there's anybody that can figure out how to keep this business alive, it's myself and the hotshots around this table.

Elaine: I'm sorry Mr. Peterman but I can't po-

Peterman: Fear not Elaine, before the bombs fell I stocked up on quite a bit of various freeze-dried and preserved foodstuffs. I've enough to keep an army fed for generations. These foods will be your compensation as the dollar has little value these days. I've kept your return "paycheck" ready here in my office for you.

[Mr. Peterman reaches down and pulls a heavy box from under his desk and sets it on the table. Several canned goods and foods are seen poking out of the top]

Elaine: Mr. Peterman, I don't know what to say..thank you!

[She begins to reach for the box but Peterman pulls it closer to himself and removes the top few cans before sliding it back to her]

Peterman: I'm sorry Elaine but I'm docking your "check" for the past few weeks you've been missing work.

(continued in comments)

Jerry is dating a zombie girl

QUOTES

JERRY: She had no hands! GEORGE: No hands? JERRY: No hands!