Hi everyone! So I started querying my novel back in late Jan/early Feb and reached out to a dream agent as part of my second batch. Their website states they aim to respond to queries within a month. Two months went by and since I got no response, I assumed it was a rejection. Since then, I've made some changes to my query package/manuscript based on feedback I got from beta readers and other agents such as switching genres (from magic realism to speculative), word count (105k to 95k) and tweaking my opening pages to be more engaging. However, I recently got an email from that dream agent requesting a partial manuscript.

I'm wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or might know how to proceed from here, e.g do I let them know I've made some changes and submit my revised partial ms? Or do I send them my old material?

Any advice would be deeply appreciated!! :)

Curious if anyone has insight on this, Google hasn't turned up much recent information for me. So far I've only written adult historical fiction (1 book published, 1 more under contract), but I've got an idea that I think would work well in the YA space. It'd be straight up historical with some romantic elements, but not historical fantasy (which I've seen plenty of in YA). I'm envisioning it being a similar vibe to The Davenports by Krystal Marquis or The Downstairs Girl by Stacey Lee, but apart from those two pretty big hits, I haven't seen much in the way of potential comps, and I can't tell if I'm about to dip my toe into a genre no one's buying. With the caveat that of course I'll ask my agent about this, I'd love to know if others have a sense of the market for non-fantasy YA historical fiction.

I'm about to go on sub with a high-concept queer contemporary, but I'm a little worried bc it seems like editors are mainly looking for Fantasy these days. I know these genres aren't going anywhere on their own, but I'm curious to know if anyone has any advice.

Hi PubTips! My first post was deleted so hopefully now I'm formatting this correctly- I'm new to Reddit. A lifelong book lover I’ve just completed my first full manuscript. I’ve been researching query tips and after reading posts and comments on here have made some adjustments to my own. I am also currently restructuring my first chapter to start off with more current action while adding in backstory as needed (previously the first two pages were backstory which I thought made sense but then realized that I know that full story, an agent won’t). I've included my new first 300 words. Any tips on query are much appreciated!

* * *

Dear [agent],

The continent of Renika used to be ruled by evil witches, but centuries ago mortals defeated them, wiping magic out entirely; or so Rowan and her twin brother Rivan, her elder by mere minutes, have been told their entire lives. When the twins are eleven, their parents are killed, and the siblings are sent to live with their uncle in a neighboring village.

Six years later soldiers from the capital kidnap Rivan. When a rogue guard intentionally uses magic in front of Rowan, it reverses a curse on magic and awakens her own powers. She then learns that not only is magic alive and well, but that her parents were both powerful witches, killed by the king’s men in the mysterious Wildewood to prevent them from threatening the monarch’s rule. Her parents also had another secret- one that could change not only the course of Rowan’s future, but the future of the continent itself. 

With the ability to finally conjure magic, Rowan joins a group of rebels- witches and mortals alike- to harness her powers. She meets Hawke, an air witch who, despite a tenuous start to their relationship, lights a fire in her heart and encourages the flames of her magic. While training with the rebels, Rowan learns that the king has captured not only her brother, but dozens of witches across the continent in an attempt to steal their magic for his own purposes. 

If there is any hope of preventing magic from disappearing forever, Rowan must journey into the Wildewood to unlock the full extent of her powers. Then it’s a race against time to save her brother and the other witches imprisoned in the palace. But not all rebels want the same outcome after freeing the captives, and not all can be trusted.

INTO THE WILDEWOOD is a 130,000 word new adult fantasy, and can stand alone or serve as the first in a series. A story of familial bonds- both blood and chosen- it will appeal to fans of Sarah J. Maas’ A Court of Thorns and Roses series due to its strong female heroine and passionate enemies to lovers romance, as well as fans of Adrienne Young’s Spells for Forgetting due to its mysterious settings, deceitful undertones, and plot twists. Based on your own interest in —-, I believe that you will enjoy my novel.

* * *

I looked down at my palms, pale despite the gentle warmth pulsing through them. Ever since the soldiers had arrived from the capital, I had had an uneasy feeling in my gut. As if someone were watching me. Indeed the captain, Bane, and one of his men had paid close attention, eyes lingering on my own as I carried platters out into the dining hall. Behind me, a loud clang rang out, drawing me out of my reverie and back into the kitchen.

As I looked over my shoulder, hands dropping to my sides, I saw Briar wince. She quickly stooped down to retrieve the pot lid, but not before Jayne could scold her.

“I swear, if someone else makes another mistake Miss Fleurie will have our heads rotating over the fires.”

Jayne was the eldest female among us at the Windhaven institute, the local academy sponsored by King Blackwood that also doubled as the inn in town, and was known to criticize the younger females. Likely the only reason that she didn’t scold me was that because she, like all the other teenaged girls in town, hoped to one day be the lucky female to wed my brother. I had seen her stare longingly at Rivan during our history lessons, and even out of the inn’s windows when he was training in the ring with the other boys. Being his twin sister, I liked to give him a hard time, but I knew that females found my brother attractive, both in personality and physique.

“Come on, ladies!” Jayne barked. “Rowan, get those hens out to the guests.”

I quickly grabbed the platter of roasted hen and walked back down the hallway toward the dining room. 

Hello All,

I've spent a long time writing this query letter and thinking about what could possibly be included in it. There is a lot of world building in my novel and I pretty much had to remove all of it here to focus on the characters and what they want, who they are to each other and still try to maintain some semblance of the in-universe stakes.

Essentially this is a universe of time travel. One side believes that time travel should be heavily guarded and restricted. I'd say MC falls into this category. The other side believes manipulation is good and that humans are emotional beings so that will happen regardless. That is the side the antag falls into.

There are elements of scifi, fantasy, romance, politics, and religion. The MC is modelled off of a John Wick type character. The antag is modelled off of a twisted version of Prince Charming. The universe is as expansive as LOTR, the MCU, or Star Wars. And this is the first of many in-universe story ideas I have. I hope to get this published traditionally someday. I welcome and feedback

Dear Agent,

In some timelines she stalks him, in others they are rivals, and in others they get dangerously close to falling in love. However, fate has other plans. For reasons Casey Abrams doesn’t quite understand it has been prophesied by powerful AI algorithms that if he ever dated or married Juliet Carpenter, it would result in a universe-ending paradox. So, the retired time traveler has spent decades successfully ignoring true love, by enjoying his idyllic family life on his flying pig farm with a wife who he doesn’t love and a teenage daughter who wants nothing to do with him.

When his old flame suddenly becomes the number one suspect in a terrorist attack that destroys his farm and kills his family, he is drawn back into a cosmic battle he has tried desperately to avoid. A danger only heightened by Juliet's relentless desire to chip at fate itself. As he engages in a cat-and-mouse game across past, present, and future to avoid coming in contact with her, he questions her real motives when his long lost uncle renown chemist Henry Wilson comes to his aid as a key enemy in her sinister plan.

With the stakes raised and in order to marry Casey, Juliet has gathered a vast army to overthrow the intricate rules and regulations governing love in a society of time travelers and seizes control of the Temporal Consortium. Believing Juliet is concocting a dangerous and illegal love potion, Henry Wilson gets his side to fight back, but during the commotion a clue in the past leads Casey to believe that the deadly secret he is carrying with him could be what she is truly after. Brought into an unwinnable conflict between two unpredictable factions, Casey must make new questionable alliances and protect the last remnants of the DNA of magical creatures, or it could turn the tide of war and affect history forever if it were to fall into her hands.

In The End of Future Days, a 120,000 word fantasy novel, I take the concept of the fairy tale princess and turn it upside down. It takes the romantic and time travel elements of both The Time Traveler’s Wife and Outlander and pairs it with the classic cosmic adventures of Doctor Who.

Sincerely,

I just started the query process yesterday, and an agent that I queried asked for links to fan art. This caught me off guard, since I figured that queries would be solely based off of writing. Is this common? Does having fan art help your chances of landing an agent?

Dear [First and Last Name], 

I am seeking representation for MOONLIGHT DISCO, an 80000 word young adult contemporary fantasy novel inspired by the Japanese folklore The Tale of Princess Kaguya. It combines the ambitious heroine from If You Could See The Sun by Ann Liang and the whimsical world building from **The Girl Who Fell Beneath the Sea by Axie Oh. 

Sixteen-year-old Rhode Ouyang catches stars to sell each summer to fund her future college expenses. However, this summer’s star sales is a total failure as collectors no longer want a star from a no name teen. Rhode also gets chastised by Sei, her childhood friend and fellow star catcher, for attempting to sell hand painted stars in a desperate attempt to attract buyers. To make it worse, Rhode is forced to pay back Sei’s dad for freeing his rabbits after a nervous breakdown. 

The stress eventually causes Rhode’s hair to turn white, but she has an idea: she’ll pose as the village moon deity instead of finding a job for the summer. With help from other villagers, Rhode begins selling self-dubbed “moon blessed” stars to tourists for hundreds of dollars. Even malformed stars can sell for one hundred dollars if they come from her hand. For an additional fifty dollars, she’ll include fortune telling and photo opportunities. Not everyone is enthused about Rhode’s fame, one of whom is Sei, who’s now her competitor in selling stars. They agree that whoever earns the least money at the end of the week will do whatever the winner tells them to do. 

Except, it’s easier to fantasize about wealth and success than it is to achieve it. As Rhode’s popularity skyrockets, her face gets plastered over the Internet, gaining clout but also recognition. Rhode must make sure she doesn’t get outed as a fraud or she’ll end up paying back all the money she earned and even get sent to jail. 

previous version here

I put two asterisks near the second comp since I'm currently reading through it and debating whether I should use it as comp. I'm not good at comps since I'm also picky at what books to pick up. Initially, I had T. Kingfisher's A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking as one but I found out it was self-pubbed. If anyone has good YA comps that are cozy/fluffy in its world building please let me know! Thank you all.

Note: once I finish the MS I'll put a third version with my first 300 out. I just want some other eyes on the query right now but I'm certain nothing drastic plot-wise will be changed to warrant an overhaul of what was written above.

Long story short, I live in an European country with not many readers. Publishing houses number is also relatively small and the few I'd consider the most popular in genre I'm interested about are highly engaged in politics, so they pick authors with similar views. That's why I've thought about debuting in country with different language than my own.

Some time ago I've read about publishing abroad first, like in Germany or Sweden.

So I wish to know, if anyone here have some experience with that publishing model?

I've written similar post on r/writing, sadly no one has had experience with that direction, just critique how bad idea it is. I know it might sound strange to some, but I'm not asking if this is good or bad idea, just if anyone has experience with that or heard about it.

Thank you!

Hi PubTips! Longtime lurker, finally made an account to ask for help.

I think I was overconfident and jumped the gun while querying—I was previously represented, my last query had a good request rate, I asked a couple of people (including agented/published author friends) for feedback on my query and they said it was great. Then I sent off my query, and after one quick full request that turned into a rejection, I’ve gotten only query rejections, including from agents asking for non-Western fantasy. I’m assuming my query letter is the problem.

I’ve rewritten parts of my query, but I’d like more opinions, especially on whether anyone thinks this story somehow doesn’t stand out for an adult fantasy. Thank you!

*

Dear [agent],

I am seeking representation for VOW OF THE DEMON KING, an adult fantasy complete at 118,000 words. It combines the mythology and demon-hunting adventures of the Chinese classic novel Journey to the West with the found family of The Witcher—except with a fallen god, a demon king, and a girl training to become a demon hunter. It will appeal to fans of Daughter of the Moon Goddess by Sue Lynn Tan, The Bone Shard Daughter by Andrea Stewart, and the queer romance of the C-drama The Untamed.

Yang Ruxuan is a disgraced god. Once the most powerful god of the Heavenly Realm until he was exiled, he now barely scrapes by working as a demon hunter on Earth. When a mysterious goddess asks him to hunt down a powerful demon, he might have a way to regain the Heavenly Emperor’s favor and return home. But he’s not sure whether the goddess is an ally or enemy, and her secrets might kill him first.

Fourteen-year-old Lu Ruihe is the heir to a family of magic-wielding, demon-slaying cultivators. But when her family is murdered by demons, she’ll do anything for revenge—including freeing the imprisoned Red Demon King, Zhu Ran, who is notorious for a history of mass-murder. He agrees to help her seek vengeance in return for his freedom, but trusting the murderous demon king may be a dangerous bargain.

Yang Ruxuan needs to kill the Red Demon King in order to get home. But Lu Ruihe needs the Red Demon King’s help. When their paths collide, their union brings to light a shared past between god and demon king and reveals that the true enemy is the person who caused Yang Ruxuan’s fall from grace and Zhu Ran’s demonic state. Enemies become lovers as their search for the truth takes them across the three realms, battling demons, ghosts, and gods in order to unravel a Heavenly conspiracy centuries in the making. The price of their failure may be not only the loss of their burgeoning found family, but the destruction of the realms themselves.

[Bio, including that I’m a Chinese American who is passionate about Chinese folklore]

I've been watching a few videos on youtube about query strategies and how to best plan for it so when I start I have an order going into it. Most all of them recommend query tracker. However they are all also American based authors. I had a look at query tracker myself (the free version) and while it does have some UK agents the majority seems to still be American. So I was wondering if anyone on this subreddit was, like me, from England who purchased querytracker and could tell me if they thought it was worth it?

I'm currently querying my fantasy novel and not sure what to work on next. My book is similar to S.A. Chakraborty's DAEVABAD trilogy and Tasha Suri's BURNING KINGDOMS series. It's a standalone with a lot of room for series potential. I've heard it's not wise to write a sequel at this stage because there's no guarantee the first one will even sell. But I've still been swept away with the next book in the series. I've already written 6 chapters. I have many ideas for other novels but this one has my heart right now.

What are your thoughts? Should I pull the brakes for now and write something different?

Hello! I’ve been lurking here for a while now, and this will be my first post :) I’ve finished my first draft, and while I know it may be too early to write a query, I just wanted to get a sense of how to write one for future reference! The title is a working title for now. (And just a small, unrelated note: I’m Middle Eastern/Arab, if that helps).

Dear Agent,

WITH PEACE, HER DEATH is a 99,000-word Adult Fantasy set in a world inspired by Al-Andalus, ideal for fans of S.A. Chakraborty’s A City of Brass and Guy Gavriel Kay’s Lions of Al-Rassan.

Almas Musleh is a wonderer of worlds, whose role is dictated by an ancient tome called the Book of the Wise. At the end of her function, she dies and awakens in a different realm with a new role.

When she ends up in a country called Almeisan and the Book is blank, she has to figure out her place in the world on her own. Almas quickly becomes entangled in a war between two provinces, confronted by two vengeful soldiers who believe she is an enemy spy. Atheer, a bedouin assassin, saves her, and after learning of her lack of magic, he decides to become her guard, much to her dismay.

As Almas delves deeper, she realizes that the cause of the war isn’t what it seems, and she’s not the only one to think so. She meets an unlikely band of allies—the Major General of the human province, a young and prodigious doctor, a smith, and the missing prince of the enemy province—who inform her of a plot by an ancient order that seeks to take Almeisan under their control.

To uncover the truth of their plans and stop the order, Almas and her companions must gather scattered map pieces across the country. Each piece provides a clue and its challenges, guiding them toward uncovering the ancient order. But Almas has secrets, secrets that she is determined to keep, even if they could threaten Almeisan’s fall to the order’s sinister plans.

[Bio/closing statement]

First 300 Words:

DEATH, TO ALMAS, was a cherished friend. One that she would embrace at the end of her function, no matter how unkind it was—the heat prickling her skin like needles seared in fire, then nothing.

Almas was used to the sensation, having died more than she could count.

Waking up, too, in strange, obscure locations.

The Book liked to fool with her, after all.

She rubbed her jaw and a satisfying crack! resonated in the shaded, secluded area she found herself in. Her eyes adjusted to the light as she concentrated on her surroundings.

Tall, narrow clay walls seemed to hold a pathway between rows of stuccoed, red-tiled houses, casting shadows that loomed over her figure. The faint sound of chatter from crowds, the louder voices of men and women alike as they bargained the prices on spices and sweets. The smell of freshly grilled meat and baked bread made its way into her lungs, her stomach churning at the scent.

Almas concluded two things: she was in an alleyway, and she was hungry.

She stood up, brushing off the bits of sand from her obsidian cloak, and rolled up the sleeve of her right arm. On her inner wrist was a diamond-shaped birthmark, emitting a soft white glow in contrast to her bronze skin.

“What is my role, Book of the Wise?”

The Book materialized in front of her, russet and leather-bound, wisps of smoke clinging onto the pages as she took ahold of it.

Opening the ancient tome, she flipped through the pages.

But—

A coldness seized her as her eyes were met with pristine white.

It was blank.

All of them were blank.

Her brows furrowed, jaw going taut. “What is the meaning of this—?”

“Waqif, hooded one. What are you doing in this alley?”

*Waqif means stop.

Thank you for reading :)

Thank you all for the helpful feedback.

I’m excited to present my novel Aftermath: A World’s Renewal, a sci-fi fantasy novel complete at 87,000 words.

Cal is a laid-back, fun-loving guy.  His quick wit and movie references always bring levity to even the tensest situations.  He works as a mycologist at the ReGen Lab in Phoenix, AZ.  Along with his team of mycologists Cassie, Candice and Ty, the geneticist, they work tirelessly to develop a mushroom that will more rapidly absorb radiation from the fallout of multiple nuclear facilities melting down 15 years earlier.  A deadly virus devastated the population leaving insufficient workers to maintain these sites, causing the meltdowns.

After multiple failed attempts to genetically modify a mushroom suitable for the task and feel they have exhausted all viable combinations.  Cal finally discovers a mushroom in the wild the team can use to successfully create a new mushroom capable of absorbing radiation at an accelerated rate.  However, the genetically modified mushrooms also grow at an astounding rate and quickly break down man-made goods.  The team celebrates their success but proceeds cautiously because of the mushroom's ability to break down items rapidly which could cause devastating effects on infrastructure if not controlled.

Renowned virologist, Dr. Thornton, who was blamed for creating the virus 15 years earlier and was forced away from the life he loved, is being blamed once again for a crime he did not commit.  And despite being cleared of the charges, ReGen is dismissing him at the end of the month.  About to lose everything he has built for a second time, he uses Cal’s mushroom to destroy the lab to cover his tracks as he plans to release a new virus onto the world that he feels has turned its back on him. His end goal is to wipe out the last of the human race.

Upon discovering Dr. Thornton’s plan, Cal and his team have precious little time because the building has started to collapse around them.  With communications out and everyone evacuating, it is up to Cal and his team to stop Dr. Thornton before he can release his virus and put an end to humanity once and for all.

Thank you for your consideration.

Thanks for any input y'all can provide :-) I want to note that the word "exactly" in paragraph 2 is supposed to be italicized, but I'm not sure how to do that on Reddit.

Dear ______,

I’m seeking representation for my sapphic YA paranormal novel, BLOOD, FLESH, AND STONE. Complete at 99,592 words, it will appeal to fans of the spooky atmosphere of WHERE ECHOES DIE, the historical setting of WHAT THE RIVER KNOWS, and the romance of DIVINE RIVALS. This story can stand alone, but has series potential. Based on your interest in _____, I think you may enjoy the manuscript.

Seventeen-year-old Margaret Buchanan has stumbled out of Manhattan and straight into hell. Well, it’s not exactly hell, but when it’s 1928 and you’re a flapper whose legs are better suited for dancing on speakeasy bar tops than hiking cliffsides, the bowels of the Grand Canyon come close enough.

Despite her distaste for the desolate landscape, Margaret doesn’t regret convincing her father that she should join his crew on a geological expedition into the canyon. She’s desperate to prove to the world–and herself–that she’s worthy of the legacy of her late botanist mother.

The crew mysteriously vanishes, and Margaret finds herself stranded in a vast wilderness. When all seems lost, she witnesses a strange girl fall hundreds of feet from a rocky cliff. Logic dictates this girl’s corpse should be as mangled as the motorcycle she was riding, but Imogen Ortiz is alive, uninjured, and, somehow, impossibly strong.

Imogen agrees to help Margaret reach safety, but the grisly scar on her neck, her prickly demeanor, and her reluctance to share how she arrived in the canyon make it clear she’s harboring secrets. Before long, an attack by fang-baring monsters forces Imogen to reveal that she’s a vampire hunter who’s recently been infected herself. Margaret hasn’t got a shot at surviving the canyon without Imogen’s skills, but if she doesn’t find a way out before Imogen’s fangs grow in–only a matter of days–she’ll become a meal for the same girl she’s beginning to develop feelings for.

To survive, Margaret will have to have to withstand the brutal environment, unearth family secrets, evade the shadowy figures hunting her, and discard all hope of living up to her mother’s legacy. She must embrace every facet of her own identity–both the parts that glitter in the sunlight, and the parts that are drenched in blood.

This story was inspired by my love for hiking, all things spooky, my bisexual identity, and the Grand Canyon. My work as a speech therapist at a high school and a volunteer coach for a youth running team allow me to be very familiar with my target audience.

Thank you for your consideration.

Lexi Smith McNicholas

First 300 words of manuscript:

On a lonely river, on the second-loneliest day of her life, Margaret Buchanan grits her teeth and watches blood seep from the gash on her palm. It serves her right, for thinking a stack of botany textbooks could transform her into a formidable outdoorswoman. Serves her right for stepping out of Manhattan and straight into hell.

She pastes on her best I’m-an-unflappable-and-ever-so-modern-woman smile. Nasty wound, be damned. If the men detect the slightest hint of weakness, they’ll devour her like sharks. “Mr. Richey, have you found the bandages yet?”

On the other end of the 25-foot wooden boat–a scow, she’d heard her father call it–Harold Richey, a twenty-something fellow with dark hair and tan, muscular forearms she can’t help but stare at, rummages through one of many wooden crates. “They’re in here somewhere, Ms. Buchanan. In the meantime, put pressure on the wound with your skirt.”

Margaret leans forward, holding her hand away from the calf-length sporting dress and wool stockings the Lord & Taylor saleswoman had assured her any confident outdoorswoman of 1928 wouldn’t be caught dead without. Just because she’s in the wilderness now doesn’t mean she’s got to look like a slob. If she loses a little more blood to avoid an unsightly stain, so be it. Such a mark certainly won’t help her con the crew into thinking she knows what the hell she’s doing.

“He’s right, darling,” her father says from his seat in the center of the scow, eyes fixed on a distant point as he heaves a pair of giant oars through the coal-dark water. Piercing sunlight reflects off the river’s surface and turns his cheeks bright pink, despite the wide-brimmed leather hat that covers his salt-and-pepper hair. He never spares a glance for his injured daughter–heaven forbid he sacrifice a single moment of staring at ancient rocks. “Next time you need to retrieve something from a crate, ask one of the men for help. Can’t have you lopping a finger off.”

Hi! Happy Friday. Thanks so much for taking the time to review this. I really appreciate your feedback.

Dear [Agent],

Being a death-magnet is not a good look for a first-year medical student. After her sudden disappearance before her college valedictorian speech two years earlier, Prin returns to her alma mater to start medical school. OF BLOOD AND CHOCOLATE, complete at 80,000 words, is a contemporary novel with romantic and suspense themes. The story combines the angst and coming of age themes from Gabrielle Zevin's Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, with the mystery and adventure found in Jennifer Lynn Barnes' The Inheritance Games.

After visiting an Indonesian monastery and becoming convinced that she is responsible for her mother's death, Prin comes back to take the Hippocratic oath with her med school class–an ironic gesture for someone who has frequently found herself entangled in lies. She has to confront the former friends she ghosted — including her college crush, Parker. Becoming the campus leper makes her a textbook case that is contagious and disfiguring for her on social media.  

Parker, now her anatomy TA, hates her the most. His evaluations threaten her number one rank on the class bleederboard, a requirement to keep her scholarship. After she receives blood-stained threats in her anatomy locker, Prin realizes her issues are far more serious than class rankings.  

Prin knows the monks' puzzling tenet—that life and death, love and hate are circular — holds the key to finding her stalker. However, time is not circular, and she must find the person behind the threats before she not only loses her scholarship, but possibly her life. 

 [bio paragraph]

Seven hours before my disappearance

Lies get a bad rap. Not all of them harm someone. Many are used to protect either those you love, or even yourself. Studies tell us that the average person lies about five to ten times a day. I’d argue this number grossly underestimates the number of falsehoods we tell. Especially those we tell ourselves.

People build lies using the same scaffolding that doctors employ to help patients. Aspiring to become a doctor, I’d shadowed clinic physicians as a candy striper, bearing witness to the gears that spun underneath their white coats. Each patient’s story held clues, resembling glittering rocks in the depths of the Earth's mantle. The doctor formed a differential, a list of common causes, to decipher a patient’s fever or cough. A viral infection. Pneumonia. Asthma. The hidden jewel lay dormant in the patient’s words, and it took years of training to hone the physician’s ability to mine them.

Fabrications operate the same way. A differential--or list of reasons--can explain why the lie was told. To protect others? A necessary lie. To simplify a situation? A white lie. To protect yourself from plunging into something dark? An aspirational lie. The latter were the most dangerous. Telling the same falsehood too many times tricks your mind into believing it as truth.

Tap. Tap. A faint knock reverberated off the hardwood slab of my bedroom door before it creaked open. Zara, my best friend, filled the entryway, her figure backlit by incandescent lighting as hair spilled out from her makeshift ponytail onto a white silk robe. Like the Gonocephalus chameleon found in Jakarta, it was a look she donned only at night and shed during daylight for designer couture. 

I glanced up at her, feeling stranded at sea, my weight shifting on the pink life raft that doubled as my bed. Help me! I’m drowning.

Hi All, Putting this out there again as I have a new version of my query I'm hoping to get some feedback on! Big thanks to everyone who gives feedback, it is very appreciated! (Second Attempt, if interested.)

Dear [Agent Name], 

I am seeking representation for ANIMHAEM: ASCENSION, a 72,000 word YA Fantasy in which an acolyte must decide whether to follow the fate chosen for her or navigate a path of unimaginable power and crippling doubt that may destroy everything she’s ever believed. 

Kaia lives for her faith, yearning to prove her devotion to the Animhaem. Within the Animhaem’s realm, which is the plane of the mind, devotion is rewarded with power. A blessing of incredible strength and speed beyond the limits of the physical world. Kaia and the other acolytes use this to duel in the Animhaem and rise in the Order’s rankings, and Kaia is certain her fate is to reach rank one and earn enlightenment. 

But as those around her grow stronger, eclipsing her, Kaia’s certainty shatters. Does the Animhaem see something lacking in her worship? When she runs into a Forsaken, one of the defeated, and one was once her closest friend, it feels like a sign. A mirror showing her doom. Terrified, Kaia gives in to her weakness and approaches her former friend, even though she knows it’s wrong to show compassion for a Forsaken. A decision that seems catastrophic when Kaia goes to the Animhaem and feels only excruciating pain. 

Kaia is sure she is being punished for her weakness and doubts, until she gets challenged to a duel and suddenly has more strength than she ever dreamed possible. A miracle Kaia can’t help but question. What really happened with the Forsaken that night, and is this power truly the Animhaem’s blessing? As Kaia begins investigating this connection to the Forsaken she uncovers secrets buried within the Order. Secrets that threaten everything she’s ever known and truths that may force Kaia to choose between the Order, the Animhaem, and herself. 

ANIMHAEM: ASCENSION is a standalone novel with series potential. It will appeal to fans of the complex, introspective heroine and themes of faith and obedience in Vespertine by Margaret Rogerson. 

Thank you for your consideration. 

Best Regards,

EDIT: Adding the first 300 words!

CHAPTER ONE

We here assembled, Archons of the Order of the Animhaem and prophets of the Animhaem’s divine will, set down these Precepts to govern and guide those who seek to follow its path. 

My devotion burns within me as I wait for the ascendant’s life to depart her body. Today she will leave behind flesh and blood and bone forever, those prisons of the physical world.  From now on she will revel in the world of the mind among the enlightened, united with the Animhaem for all eternity. 

Torchlight flickers over our hooded figures, casting long shadows onto the cavern’s curved walls. More than a hundred murmuring voices echo off the rough stone, each acolyte and pupil reciting the Precepts of the Order of the Animhaem in their own time, in their own rhythm. The result is a discordant clash of words and harmony that buzzes against my feverish skin. 

I let the words drip off my tongue slowly and softly, little more than a whisper, tasting sweeter than honey with their promise. 

“Let my mind be devoted to the Animhaem,” I say, beginning again with the First Precept. My heartbeat thuds in my ears as I put forth this humble offering of my faith. My skin is flushed, sweat dripping between my shoulder blades. “I will obey the will of the Animhaem and devote myself to it, body and soul. May I forsake my body so my consciousness shall join with a higher purpose.” 

These words are ingrained into my soul, the first of the Precepts I’ve recited every day for the twelve years I’ve been a disciple of the Order. These words have fueled me, driven me, and saved me. They have filled any chasms of doubt and fear within me, until only faith and resolve remain.

I might have incorrectly assumed that the standard agent commission was 15% of the book deal/publishing contract. I have an offer of representation and it seems to be 15% of everything even after the deal—royalties, prize money, etc. What if I terminate the agent/author relationship? It means I owe them forever as long as the book makes even a dollar.

Can someone please help me understand? Or point me in the right direction?

Hi, hi hope you're all well <3

alt title: Is it ever safe to swim with sharks??

I have a solid 758 questions within this one so apologies in advance lol.

I've been hesitating to make this post, but this is a topic I've been searching around for articles, posts, videos, etc. on that go a little beyond stating the definition of a "sharky agent" and haven't found many. I see that they are those hyper-competitive agents that go after (and secure) big, splashy deals routinely. I have usually seen the term used in writing circles with a negative connotation (most of the time) to, at best, neutral (very, very occasionally).

They seem to be associated with those big, splashy deals, but also seem to come with the expectation that if you don't sell that way for them (and fast) they drop you pretty quick. That (especially more senior ones) you lose all their attention if you don't come right out the gate swinging, that they are less communicative, etc. Is this true for most sharky agents? How do you know which shark agents aren't like that? Is the answer to that last question 'you don't know until you know' or whisper networks lol? Are there any different questions to focus on during The Call/ask their clients (like really honing in on 'what happens if this book doesn't sell' or specifically asking to speak to a client whose first book didn't sell with them and lol running away if they don't have a single client like that)? What do the writers who work with them love about them (I'm sure there has to be a hefty amount of reasons even beyond the—obviously important lol—they often sell big)?

What other signs are there for shark agents? You click on PM's 'Top Dealmakers' page for agents/agencies in your respective genre/age category. Do you assume all the agents/agencies at the top are/are full of sharks?

Are they always hazards to steer clear from? Or are there types of writers who might work well with one or even (!) writers that should choose one (e.g. only getting with one once you're mid-career with great sales, you are super business-minded debut and you also only plan to write hyper-commercial/high concept works)? Is it always more of a gamble than usual deciding to work with one?

Sorry for all the questions lol. You def don't need to answer all (or any) of them. And none of this is likely to ever, ever be a real concern to me lmao, but I'm genuinely just curious about the topic. It seems like majority vote for avoid, avoid, avoid and then I'll see 'it's just a style of agenting' on suuuuper rare occasions. I'm just looking to see if it is always/usually the former.

Thanks for enduring my ramble!

Dear [Agent],

Lexus is a former EMT, doggedly carrying out her oaths eight years after the apocalypse scoured the planet. She’s well-suited for her job, thanks to a parasite that allows her to heal wounds at the cost of strangling the patient’s most cherished memories. The greater the hurt, the greater the parasite’s price: a cruel calculus she knows better than anyone. Losing your last good memory of someone precious hurts just as much as watching them die, and not everyone can handle the strain. Guild-ridden and suicidal after indirectly killing her first love, she’s resolved to balance out the harm she’s done by saving as many lives as she can. With monsters in the jungle and undead conquistadors closing on the Excelsior Nuclear Plant, she’s got a difficult mission. 

Throughout the story, Lexus is often at the front lines between the survivors and reborn, healing hurts while feeding the ever-hungry parasite. War’s horrors, however, pale to the creeping suspicion she’s losing control. The parasite grows greedier with each patient, threatening to kill the very people she’s living to protect. Worse, it’s converting their memories into its own strength, taking advantage of mounting casualties to assert control. If Lexus buckles to its demands, nothing will stop her from devouring every scrap of joy in her grasp. She’ll need to either find a way to subdue her ‘gift’ or grow beyond what she sees as her sole reason for living. If she can’t… well, people have no use for medics who do more harm than good.

Meanwhile, smoke’s rising from Excelsior. A fresh apocalypse is on its way, and without Lexus, the living might not last much longer.

Complete at 100k words, Salt the Wound is an adult speculative fiction novel featuring action, drama, and ecological apocalypse.  It will appeal to readers of Vladimir Fleurisma’s Ultimatum and Lily Brooks-Dalton’s The Light Pirate. I’m seeking your representation because…

Note: I realized my previous queries were too much like back cover blurbs, so this one features some spoilery details that I hope add to the stakes.  That made it a little long, so I’m ready to do some trimming.  Possibly the nuclear teaser at the end.

Thanks to everyone who commented on my first attempt. The feedback registered even better after sleeping on it. I had a tap-myself-on-the-forehead moment on some of the notes lol. Here's my second go. Thanks in advance.

Dear [Agent Name]

Lagos-based assassin, Kunle has nursed a quiet contempt for global sensation, Harrison, all his adult life. The man responsible for the paralysis that confined Kunle to a lifetime in a wheelchair and then went on to achieve astronomic success as a pro-footballer. The assassin organization has been unsubtle in keeping Harrison at bay – personal vendetta is an assassin’s death knell, they say. Opportunity presents itself when Kunle has a chance encounter with the British High Commissioner, Reginald, at a highly exclusive queer party in Lagos. Kunle begins a clandestine affair with Reginald and manipulates him into using his position to facilitate Kunle’s access to England without arousing the organization’s litany of plants embedded in the Nigerian travel sector. Now, he must familiarise himself with a new environment in in order to track down a celebrity before the organization catches up to him for mutiny.

Kunle plays the humble house guest in the presence of Reginald whilst devouring every byte of data there is to find on Harrison in solitude. Harrison truly was the worst composite of a closet celebrity cases; peddling overt machismo and heteronormative rhetoric to his fanbase. As Kunle’s murder scheme begins to take form, his relationship with Reginald takes a turn for the meddlesome. Reginald shocks him with a marriage proposal, offering a reprieve from the path of vengeance. While pondering the prospects of genuine loving relationship, a notion he'd internalized as unattainable, Kunle is apprehended by the agents of his organization.

There’s a small window for one shot at escape from captivity before he's repatriated to Nigeria to face the organization’s wrath. It will take every skill in his arsenal to pull it off but first he needs to decide what comes next: run off into the sunset with the former commissioner or follow through on his mission to take out Harrison.

Complete at 80,000 words, DARLINGS THAT GLITTER is an Adult upmarket thriller. It will appeal to readers of Ace of spades by Faridah Abike-Iyimide and Real life by Brandon Taylor.

[BIO]

With my bio and closing, I'm clocking in at 400 words. I know the 350 words is the standard guideline. Would 400 still be acceptable or am I better off trimming it down to a tighter ball park of 350 words? TIA.

Dear Agent, 

I am seeking representation for a 78,000-word Adult Contemporary Romance, FINDING YOUR PERSON. The novel will appeal to Gen-Z and Millennial women, specifically fans of Emily Henry and Beth O’Leary. 

Becoming a mother was never part of Sophia's future plans. She made sure to make that clear to her college sweetheart, Jack, early in their relationship. But a month before their wedding, unspoken truths are revealed. It turns out they were not on the same page about having kids and Jack was hoping Sophia would eventually change her mind. 

This leads to the end of their engagement, throwing Sophia into a dark place. Four months later, she goes to a friend’s birthday dinner in the hopes that it will help her get back to her normal life and get over her failed relationship. That is when she meets Nick, one of her friend's coworkers, whom she finds charming. When they bump into each other the next day, they exchange phone numbers and soon begin dating. 

After spending more time together, Sophia feels that there may be a future with Nick. However, her fears from her past relationship with Jack creep in. What if Nick also admits to wanting children later in their relationship, leaving her heartbroken again? Even though she wants to be with him, her anxiety won't let her believe in a happy ending. 

Sophia's story is inspired by my own experiences as a child-free woman. I was born and raised in [home country] but have lived in different countries since graduating high school. I currently live in the United States with my husband and our two cats. I have a master's degree in environmental science, and I have loved writing short stories and essays from a young age. 

Thank you for your time and consideration, 

Author

Query:

Dear Agent,  

I’m reaching out to query Shadow of the Pomegranate Tree, a 108,000-word standalone adult high fantasy novel with elements from the hardboiled detective and noir genres. Set in a secondary world and inspired by my Persian heritage, the novel explores mental health, class divide, and purpose.   Once the most famous investigators in the sultanate, Nasrin and Banak retired out of shame when a killer by the moniker “Justice” forced Banak to slaughter his own family.

Ten years after failing to capture Justice, Nasrin hides from her past life, selling candles and embracing anonymity. She blames herself for the death of Banak’s wife and child, and finds solace only in rejecting who she once was. Unlike Nasrin, Banak relives his past every day. He believes himself to be a monster. Self-hatred is Banak’s only shield against his drug addiction, which he barely has under control.

When they learn that Justice might once more be terrorizing the sultanate, Nasrin and Banak retire their retirement. A vicious killer, using magic known only to Justice, butchered a squad of soldiers, and then, without explanation, surrendered himself to authorities. Nasrin and Banak suspect the killer might be a protégé of Justice. Respectively hoping for redemption and revenge, they once again take up the hunt for Justice.

Rather than finding him, the two find a trail of corpses. Though Justice’s victims seemingly have nothing in common, Nasrin and Banak, by recruiting the aid of a young patrol captain and an incarcerated serial killer, begin to piece together Justice’s plan. He returned from hiding with designs on the throne itself. Only Nasrin and Banak have any hope of stopping him, but neither their scars nor their relationship have healed, and they are not who they once were.  

After walking away from my career as a lawyer, I struggled with guilt, incertitude of purpose, and several mental health diagnoses. Shadow of the Pomegranate Tree grew out of those challenges; it depicts PTSD, addiction, and imposter syndrome, all while championing tenderness and compassion. Like Naseem Jamnia’s The Bruising of Qilwa, the novel celebrates Persian culture. Like Robert Jackson Bennet’s The Tainted Cup, it weaves together fantasy, mystery, and stakes that are far larger than they initially appear.

300 Words:

They were just knocks. Three knocks, to be precise, their softness suggesting diffidence, their even timing indicating, perhaps, musical tutelage. Or military schooling. But they were just knocks.

Despite a decade of disuse, Nasrin’s training took hold. She envisioned a cowled figure before her shop, swathed in black robes and dawn’s saffron glow. In her mind’s eye, she flicked her wrist to hurl scorching tea at the figure. She’d follow by smashing her emptied glass against their face. When the glass shattered, she’d jab at the specter’s eyes, then weave crimson across the specter’s neck.

There was no specter, leastwise, not in her candle shop. There were only knocks, and instinct, and fear.

Did he stand at her door? The stranger surely wasn’t a customer. Not this early. The only shops presently open were those offering flatbread warm from hot pebble hearths. Very deliberately, Nasrin set down her tea glass and exhaled through clenched teeth. When her heart refused to calm, she breathed in the cold throw of a nearby candle. A whiff of crisp apple kissed her nose before, like water held in cupped hands, slipping away. Too long spent hiding behind candles had dulled her sense of smell.

No further knocks came for a time, and Nasrin, still seated atop silk sofreh with her back pressed against a colossal camphor candle, contemplated returning to her tea. Instead, she rose, taking care to move quietly, and retrieved her dagger and blowgun from under a rolled rug in her shop’s back room. Preparation, though likely unwarranted, was the only way to scratch the itch that plagued her.

The next set of knocks pounded as Nasrin confirmed that her blowgun’s modified chamber held a half dozen darts. The stranger kept his, or her, same tempo. Military schooling indeed.

Hi all,

Thank you for your continued help as I refine my query. I really appreciate your advice! Previous attempt here.

BREATH OF THE ABYSS, complete at 100,000 words, is set in the deep sea following the eco-demise of the surface world. This new adult fantasy romance blends the enemies to lovers, chronic illness representation, and spice of FOURTH WING with the female-driven spy and heist elements of OCEAN’S EIGHT and will appeal to fans of RED RISING. 

Sy is a terrible spy. As the only human raised by sea dragons, she’s never needed to understand human behavior. When the balance of the sea is disturbed by humans’ misuse of dragon magic, the sea lashes out and kills one of Sy’s dragon mentors. Sy gives up her peaceful life to infiltrate the undersea human nation and seek revenge.

Elion is a loyal, proud captain in the undersea nation’s military. He hates that his father, the president, is determined to keep an alliance with a cutthroat cult of women–the Sirens. The Sirens hold the secret to stealing sacred dragon magic by pulling it from the souls of their victims, a fate they inflicted upon Elion’s brother.

Sy masquerades as a Siren, but she fears she will blow her cover and be viewed as weak when the Sirens learn she has a seizure disorder. Sy and Elion are paired together when a contingent of Sirens is sent to the military base to bolster their alliance. While undercover, Sy forms a relationship with Elion’s best friend, taking comfort in his terrible jokes and strong arms. Elion can’t stand seeing his best friend fall for a Siren, and he desperately wants to keep them away from each other, except, keeping them apart means spending more time with Sy, the only woman that gets as excited as he does when observing weird and whimsical sea creatures. 

To restore balance and save her dragon family, Sy must become allies with magic-stealing humans and Siren-hating Elion, only to discover her heart is almost as out of balance as the world around her. 

I am passionate about disability advocacy, and I pull threads of my protagonist’s story from my life as someone with a history of seizures. As an ocean nerd with a Master’s degree in [Education/school], I take inspiration from all forms of aquatic life in my writing.

Dear [ Agent],

Nan Harding is living the life she, and her mentor Jo, always dreamed of. She is a respected doctor interviewing to join the faculty of Boston Medical School. Yet, she cannot shake the feeling that something is missing. When a messy break-up and an ill-timed research sabbatical coincide, Nan returns to her childhood home at Plumfield Academy, to visit and to imagine how different her life could have been.

Nan arrives to find the world of her childhood far more complex than she remembered. Jo March is battling a debilitating disease, while trying to finish the final installment in her popular book series. When Nan’s estranged childhood sweetheart reemerges, she can’t help but wonder if the choices she made along the way were driven more by fear than by ambition. Nan’s career is at a crossroads, and the longer she stays at Plumfield the more she realizes what is at stake. As Jo struggles to finish her own books, Nan is left wondering how her story will end.

Set in New England in 1900, JO’S GIRLS picks up 15 years after the final installment of the Little Women series. JO’S GIRLS is the story of women finding their own way forward at a time of intense social change in the United States. JO’S GIRLS is complete at 80,000 words, and will appeal to lovers of Mr. Emerson’s Wife, A League of Extraordinary Women, and of course, the work of Louisa May Alcott.

[Bio]

I'm 3 weeks into sub and already going mad. I know this isn't long at all and I'm writing another book to distract myself but it's a struggle. Does anyone know how long editors take to read and respond to full manuscripts? My agent send out the full with their pitch to a few of the big 5 and some larger indie publishers.

Has anyone published YA Fantasy or is currently on sub for YA Fantasy? I would sincerely appreciate hearing about anyone's experiences on sub—for YA Fantasy or otherwise.

So far I've only had one pass but otherwise it's been silence. This is my first time on sub. Thank you!

Dear Agent, 

MY NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE is a psychological horror complete at 80,000 words, comparable to Simone St. James’ THE SUNDOWN MOTEL and Riley Sager’s HOME BEFORE DARK, with some similarities to the experimental structure and reality-bending elements of Mark Z. Danielewski’s HOUSE OF LEAVES. 

Most people have regular hobbies like fishing or gardening. Brynlee Chambers breaks into peoples’ houses when they’re not home. Not to steal from them, just to poke around and learn their secrets. It’s been an obsessive habit of hers ever since her older brother died. And Brynlee has found the perfect house to break into next. 

When a mysterious neighbor leaves town, Brynlee sneaks into his historic three-story manor, expecting to find the usual secrets, like an unusual fetish or illicit drugs. Instead, she discovers something far darker and more harrowing. Something that has her sending an anonymous tip to the police. As her neighbor’s house turns into a crime scene, Brynlee can’t shake the feeling that she’s being watched. Even more disturbing is her brother’s voice calling out to her from the house. He’s been dead for years, killed in combat in a senseless war. But like her compulsion to break into places where she doesn’t belong, Brynlee feels compelled toward the manor. And she’s determined to find the source of that voice. 

Returning to the house to investigate, things become even stranger as reality seems to shift around her. Brynlee winds up in a place that doesn’t seem real. A place she suspects might be detached from reality itself. One thing Brynlee knows for certain—something is stalking her in this house that has turned into a maze of dark hallways and endless rooms. Guided only by her brother’s voice and her wits, Brynlee will have to fight her way out or be trapped forever. 

Thank you, 

Author Name

This is my second query letter attempt on this manuscript (originally titled THOSE WHO LIE IN WAIT). Applied as much of the feedback I got as possible (thanks for the help u/AnAbsoluteMonster)

What I've found helped me is that I wrote the synopsis first and discovered what the main plot points were so I could focus the plot and capture some of the themes better. Turns out, summarizing a story in 250 words is bound to leave a lot of stuff off the table. Duh

If anyone wants to give feedback I would love it! I'm trying to take part in the Berkley submission so I hope this is good!

.

Dear AGENT,

In the distant remnants of North America where survival is once again ruled by hunting and gathering, a new kind of predator reigns: the Prowlers. All Kaya wants to do is live her late father’s dream.

Hunt. Them. All.

But when she attracts one of them to her tribe by accident, Kaya suffers a mortal wound. A man named Abzalon finds her but leaves her to die; he’s actively hunted by a mysterious organization. His pursuers find Kaya and bring her to an underground complex designed by a massive AI named ARTEMIS.

Kaya has been living a lie. What she thought of as magic all her life turned out to be tech—which she now owes her life to. Modern civilization still exists, confined underground through ARTEMIS’ holy edict. Never again will the world destroy itself through innovation. Despite her doubts, Kaya vows service to ARTEMIS with a hope to destroy Prowlers once and for all—and perhaps avenge the deaths she’s caused among her tribe.

Kaya soon meets Mitri, the secret son of the exiled terrorist Abzalon. He leads her down the dark and cryptic side of the Complex. There, a vast conspiracy comes to light. The very leader of the Complex is secretly funding Abzalon’s terrorist activities, seeding a regime of fear. As above, so below.

As she takes part in the manhunt, Kaya will come face to face with the rebel’s true intent. There is a war brewing, one to free the Complex from its corruption, and Kaya might just be the tinder to light the flame. Her allegiances hang on a single question: who will spark change when fire is forbidden?

.

THE SECRET OF FIRE (120 000 words), is a single P.O.V. dystopian tale of a post-apocalyptic America that shows a futuristic re-imagination of the myth of Prometheus where an A.I. sent humanity back to the stone age.

This standalone story with sequel potential will appeal to those who enjoyed the strong themes of class division of The Space Between Worlds by Micaiah Johnson, the primitive future of The Book of Koli by M.R. Carey, and the claustrophobic dystopia of Apple TV’s Silo.

Hello again, PubTips! Thank you to everyone who provided feedback on my first attempt! It was super helpful in helping me refine my query. In this second attempt, I tried to rectify the vagueness and more clearly define the stakes. But, I still am not sure if I succeeded... Why is writing this query harder than writing the damn book!? Anyway... Again, any feedback is very much appreciated :) Thank you!

/ / / / / /

I am seeking representation for my debut novel, A SUBSTITUTE FOR CHRISTMAS, a 96,000-word contemporary romance with adult “coming of age” themes. Primarily set at a middle school during the holiday season, it will appeal to readers of Jenny Colgan’s The Christmas Bookshop and fans of the television series Abbott Elementary. This work of fiction will provide readers with a heart-warming holiday romance, while also commenting on the challenges faced by American public school teachers. 

Once a bright-eyed English teacher, Wendy Taylor has grown jaded. Unruly students can be dealt with, but the increasing administrative pressure has burnt her out. Withdrawn and listless, Wendy is consumed by the demands of the classroom. Her thirtieth birthday on Christmas Day looms, but the comfort and joy she craves feel far out of reach. 

Enter Jonas, an enigmatic book-lover whose vague “temp work” has brought him to town. When Wendy meets him at a party, his charm and spontaneity are enough to take her mind off her grading pile. After an uncharacteristic one-night stand (on a school night!), Wendy is shocked to find Jonas at her school the next morning, now teaching down the hall as a long-term substitute. 

To Wendy’s frustration and fascination, Jonas is quite the unconventional substitute. He moves from place to place and picks up subbing gigs as he goes, making sure to never stay at one school for too long. As a Type-A rule-follower, Wendy cannot imagine disregarding administrative guidelines and curriculum as he does. Jonas isn’t concerned with the politics of education, but Wendy has spent years kowtowing to it. He’s everything she is not, and while they butt heads over lesson plans and extracurriculars, Wendy wonders if there is something to learn from his rogue mindset. 

But Jonas has much to learn too, and beneath his sunny exterior, there are unresolved family issues he is running from. As difficult as teaching during the final weeks before Christmas is, discovering what they truly want out of life proves to be the bigger challenge. 

I have spent the past six years teaching middle and high school English; this novel is loosely based on my experiences. When not writing or teaching, I enjoy spending time with my three children and husband -- a fellow middle school teacher.  

Hey everyone, it would be great to get your thoughts on this first pass query for my novel. Thank you so much for reading!

Dear [QCrit],

 The job is simple. Meet the Russian Mafia, hand over the cash, come home with a 400 year-old crucifix.

Unfortunately, things aren’t going according to plan for scrappy art researcher Matthew Kraft. They never do. Bullets start flying and his truck goes up in flames, yet somehow, he manages to bring the crucifix home.

Matthew thinks this is all in the past. Then he finds out Russian Mafia lieutenant Alexi Skaldin is coming, hell-bent on revenge for the deal gone wrong. Matthew decides that job he just heard about, the one five thousand miles away in London, looks pretty damn good.

The new job is to track down a stolen sketchbook by legendary eighteenth century artist Thomas Parker. Matthew manages to recover the sketchbook with a little help from local auction house contact and new drinking buddy Steven York. He’d even call the job a big success if not for accidentally blowing up the disused Underground station where the sketchbook is hidden, and really pissing off the guy who stole it - Scottish crook Duncan Greer.

Matthew soon realizes the sketchbook could be the key to a set of lost Parker landscape paintings worth hundreds of millions, and he leaves London for the Swiss Alps in search of them. York decides he’s going too, even though Matthew has Skaldin and Greer both on his tail now, one looking to end him, the other looking to find the paintings first.

But no problem, they’ve got this. Even if things aren’t going according to plan.

Complete at 97,000 words, THE FIELD GUIDE TO LOST ART, ROBBERY, AND REVENGE is a comic mystery adventure set in modern-day Europe that will appeal to readers of Richard Osman’s Thursday Murder Club books, Elle Cosimano’s Finlay Donovan series, and Lisa Lutz’s Spellman novels.

I’m a video game producer, writer, and editor. I’ve been telling stories in games for years, filling worlds with vibrant characters and thrilling plots. The experience has prepared me well to write my own novels.

I’d be happy to provide additional materials at your request. Thank you for your consideration!

Regards,

[Me]

Hi everyone,
Thanks so much for any comments and edits! I've been in these trenches a minute so don't hold back! <3 you. (The first 300 words are below the query).

Philomena Collins is weak, just like her mother wanted.

Philomena, a 17-year-old heiress from a historically powerful witch family, was cursed by her mother, Kate, eight years ago. Since then, Kate has been held in St. Wendy’s–a derelict witch prison. 

The curse inflicts pain on Philomena as well as anyone who tries to touch her, and she has had enough. Enough of hiding, enough of turning down dates, enough of keeping a safe distance from her family and friends. Now, with Kate scheduled for execution, and armed with the confidence that comes from a life of intense privilege, Philomena is determined to force Kate to remove the curse…even if she’s too afraid to go alone and drags along her best friend, Esther. 

During their visit Kate breaks the curse and escapes, forcing the facility into lockdown. This leaves Philomena and Esther trapped, completely cut off from the outside world and surrounded by inmates who have no love lost for the poor little rich girls. Now able to be touched (attacked, killed!), Philomena is terrified. 

And the longer she’s trapped, the more she realizes something is amiss at St. Wendy’s. Somehow, the prisoners are using magic: violent and unwieldy spells that are transforming the prison and its inhabitants into hellish perversions of their former selves; including Esther. 

To survive the nightmare and save her best friend (or is their relationship something more?), Philomena will have to rely on her wits and the painful truths she uncovers at St. Wendy’s. She’ll have to reach out and touch the big bad world. Philomena will have to be strong. 

Good thing she has no problem disappointing her mother. 

Witches Were Born to Scream is an adult speculative horror complete at 73,000 words. Her Majesty’s Royal Coven meets Silent Hill in this book that will appeal to fans of The September House by Carissa Orlando, Nettle and Bone by T. Kingfisher, and the film Jennifer’s Body.

Chapter One

August 21, 1977

Philomena arched an eyebrow and let the guard reach for her, a familiar buzzing rising against her skin as his hand came close to her shoulder. He was doubled over on his knees a moment later. Philly rubbed her arm, trying to dissipate the painful tingling. He hadn’t managed to touch her, of course. But the warning system, the stinging death rattle that came with, still managed to inflict its injunction. A ninety-sixth thesis nailed to Philly’s soul.

“Are you feeling alright?” Philly knit her eyebrows together, a concerned face she’d perfected over the years to throw off their scent. “Is he prone to fits like this?” she said to the other guard. “Makes me worry about those left in your care.” The guard glowered, slapping at the dust that now coated the knees of his black slacks, and waved her and Esther through.

And so, Philly Collins, seventeen-year-old heiress to the Collins Media empire, youngest daughter of what used to be one of the most powerful witch families this side of the Atlantic, added another tally to the scorecard in her mind. An infinite list of quiet wars she was determined to start, finish and win. The list’s length was matched in number only by the amount of chips she carried on her shoulder. But today–today she was going to knock off the very largest.

They’d only gotten off the ferry twenty minutes ago and Philly could already feel nervous sweat running down the back of her neck. The island, discarded off the southeastern coast of Noctem City, housed only one building. A sprawling complex with as knotted and twisted a history as the brambles that grew on its walls. St. Wendy’s Rehab Hospital, née St. Wendy’s Lunatic Asylum. And before that Mother Wendy’s School for the Invited. Or is that the wrong order? I know I’m missing one…thought Philly.