Hi, all. Thanks in advance for your time and feedback. See below!

Dear (Agent),

I am excited to share my psychological thriller, Where the Light Fails, complete at 98,000 words, a gripping exploration of trauma, deception, and revenge set against the backdrop of a deceptively idyllic Appalachian town. With themes of female rage, unreliable memories, and justice twisted by obsession, this story will appeal to fans of Gillian Flynn’s Gone Girl and Megan Abbott’s You Will Know Me.

When Joanna, a journalist recovering from a traumatic brain injury sustained during a brutal assault, joins a local support group, she’s desperate to rebuild her fractured life. But when she begins to suspect a fellow group member may be linked to her attack—and to the mysterious deaths of other women—her search for truth turns into a chilling game of cat and mouse. Memories of her assault haunt her at every turn, vivid yet fragmented, leaving her questioning what’s real and what her injured mind has fabricated. As Joanna’s paranoia deepens, her investigation leads her down dark, irreversible paths. She’ll have to decide just how far she’s willing to go for revenge—and whether she can trust herself to recognize the real monster.

Alternating between Joanna’s raw, first-person narration in the present and a third-person exploration of her life before the attack, Where the Light Fails delivers an intense, character-driven narrative that keeps readers questioning everything they think they know about its protagonist and the world around her. At its heart, this novel explores the elusive nature of memory, the long shadow of trauma, and the lengths we’ll go to claim control over our lives.

Thank you for your time and consideration. The full manuscript is available upon request.

First, thanks to everyone here! I have learned so much by just lurking and offering a few critiques of my own. I wish I had found this subreddit before I began to query. After about 20 rejections in the last 12 weeks with no requests, I listened to a friend's recommendation and checked out PubTips. Thus, I already recognize some of the problems with this query letter, but I thought it would be good to use this as a baseline so I can gauge whether you all think I am improving in subsequent drafts. I plan on changing the title, too. A few days ago someone posted a query letter with a very similar title (nothing personal to you, fellow querier!)

In VANISHING, an 80,000 word dark fantasy thriller, 18-year-old Dee McDermott has spent his life ricocheting between suburban Pittsburgh and Somnius, a secret world on the brink of apocalypse, but now must choose between his loyalty to his adoptive father who has been targeted by demigod Lycurgus and his love for his mother from whom he has become increasingly estranged. 

From the first time Reggie finds two-year-old Dee scorched and bruised on his bedroom floor, she knows something is different about her son—but she has her own secrets, including the identity of Dee’s biological father. In fact, Dee has been covertly traveling to an apocalyptic world where workers are kept productive through visions designed to prey on their deepest guilts and fears, all the time believing his real father is a degenerate thug from his mother’s past. Now, torn between resisting Lycurgus and maintaining his fraying bonds with Reggie and his only friend Tlalli Rios, Dee unwittingly makes both the next targets of Lycurgus’s genocide. Outmatched and on the run, Dee, Reggie, and Tlalli must battle supernatural forces and face demons from their pasts to stop Lycurgus and protect our world, but just as Tlalli is about to succumb to Somnius’s dark influence, Dee is forced to confront his mother’s deepest secret to free himself from his shame.  

Told in third person limited through the points of view of Reggie, Dee, Tlalli, and Lycurgus, Vanishing is by turns brutal and empathetic, as invested in articulating the truths of the teenage experience as it is in exposing social inequalities and the inhumanity of a culture that prioritizes productivity over self.

I’m looking for an agent who would be excited to represent a story that combines the compact, crossworlds drama of The Wayward Children series by Seanan McGuire with the generational trauma, twists, and thrills of Ink Blood Sister Scribe by Emma Torzs.

Thank you for your time and consideration.  

First 300:

Mercy*.*

Did they not see, did they not realize? Running and cowering—why now*?* When this world had only ever let them run and cower? Flee the nightmares, flee the visions, rot in caves to simply produce. No, Lycurgus would free them all.

His shadow loomed upon the tunnel wall as he crept deeper into the chill darkness, the weapon strapped to his back clattering against stone. Minos the painter followed, whispering madness.

Mercy for his sacrificed brother; mercy for his own soul. Truly: mercy for all Somnians, upper caste and low, compelled by dread to toil away. Did they not all deserve liberation? No matter the cost?

Without question. So, dropping into the cavern, blood-pumping elation replaced the agony in Lycurgus’s shoulders.  

The flame in the glass vial tied at his hip cast light upon three terrified faces. Pressed against the cavern wall and wisped by filigrees of thread, each clutched unfinished textiles to their chests. Tailors, surrounded by piles of virgin fabric and tidy stacks of finished clothing. The old man still pinched a needle between trembling fingers.

They flinched when Minos landed, the rough-hewn planks in his satchel knocking together, the painter humming a work song as he perused his collection of wooden canvases, preparing to commit to his life’s duty, his aitia.

“Minos? An orb,” Lycurgus said.

Minos laughed and raised a glass orb, its opaque fluid sloshing inside. The tailors exclaimed and shrank together.

“Ah, you recognize it,” Lycurgus said. “A wondrous chemical, releasing flames which melt stone, bronze, everything. Death by its fire means agony eternal.”

“Please!” the younger woman shouted. “Leave us be!”

Lycurgus crouched before them. “I cannot. But I offer a far gentler end than that shattered orb. Tell me, who stuck you in this hole? Who supplies you, and requests these clothes you make? Nearly everyone is dead—little need for fashionable vests.”

Hey guys, since my first attempt, I've clarified some vague/awkward wording and added more stakes to my pitch. I would greatly appreciate any feedback or suggestions you might have :)

Dear AGENT,

I am seeking representation for THE MYTHS OF KILLERS, a sapphic YA fantasy novel. Complete at 88,000 words, THE MYTHS OF KILLERS tells the story of an assassin hired by the queen of a neighboring kingdom to be her head bodyguard, who must protect the queen from attempts on her life, kill those who wrong her, and try not to fall in love with her. With the complex and often dangerous relationships of Chloe Gong’s FOUL LADY FORTUNE and a politically infused plot similar to Nina Varela’s CRIER’S WAR, THE MYTHS OF KILLERS encapsulates the stakes of romance with its kingdom-altering consequences. THE MYTHS OF KILLERS also has series potential.

Based in a rural town in the Kingdom of Etril, Mara Makt works for her father as an assassin. However, when debt begins to swallow her family, Mara has no choice but to move to Aeskia, another kingdom, to work for the queen. When she arrives, she learns that not only will she be an assassin by night, but she will be Queen Adrianna’s head bodyguard by day. Without previous training, Mara must juggle the responsibilities of protecting Adrianna wherever she goes, as well as finding the men on a list given to her by Adriana and killing them. 

After an attempt on Adrianna’s life, Mara is forced to acknowledge her developing feelings for Adrianna that she had previously ignored. She decides that she must accompany Adrianna on a diplomatic trip out of the kingdom. Even if that means returning to her home country, the one she hoped never to step foot in again for fear of falling back into her father’s clutches. As the stakes of keeping Adrianna safe climb higher than Mara could ever imagine, she gradually unravels the dangerous pasts of the people around her. When Mara discovers a name on the list as her father’s, she must choose between her biological family and her true one while running away from emotions she has never allowed herself to feel. 

bio

Thank you for your time and consideration. 

Hi All,

After some wonderful feedback from posting a prior version of my query here, I'm back with an updated version! Please let me know your thoughts on the query / one-liner pitch. Thanks in advance!

QUERY:

Dear [Agent], 

Because [X], I thought you might connect with my YA crossover novel, NIGHT OF EVERMORE. As a Tim Burton-inspired fantasy where New Orleans meets the Golden Age of Piracy, it would appeal to fans of Gideon the Ninth and Six of Crows.

17-year-old Zayla Eldabright needs to kill the moon, or risk ending up like the sun.

In this upside-down world of eternal night, no sunworshipper has dared visit the surface since the fire-wielding moon goddess, Nyxas, murdered the sun and claimed earth 30 years ago. Until Zayla.

As the only fire-wielder born since Nyxas’s rise, Zayla has the distinct honor of bearing all the secondhand blame for Nyxas’s crimes. Her “outcast” status upgrades to “fugitive” when a moon-spirit infiltrates their underground city to kill her, forcing her to flee into a world ruled by the very goddess who wants her dead.

Zayla doesn’t know what earned her a death warrant, but she knows the city’s sunflare—the last relic of bright magic protecting her people from Nyxas—is dying. Determined to prove she’s more than fire and snark, she hunts for a cure in the monster-infested Night, where ghostly apparitions broadcast prizefights, magic flintlocks shoot endless bullets, and newspapers teleport via “message in a bottle” whenever Nyxas raises the price on her head.

As she races against the sunflare’s fading light to save her home, Zayla learns that self-acceptance and found family burn brighter than any conflagration. And when she uncovers the truth behind her death warrant, she will do anything, including start Unwinnable War II, to reclaim what Nyxas took.

Her birthright—the world itself.

NIGHT OF EVERMORE is my debut novel, complete at 111,000 words. I’m a San Diego complex commercial litigation attorney and recent Berkeley Law graduate.

[signoff]

///

PITCH: An irreverent teen flees into a Burtonesque world of eternal night, three decades after the moon murdered the sun—only to discover she’s next on the moon’s hit list.  

I want to thank the users who commented on my first attempt & who took the time to give me their constructive criticism and feedback. Thank you so much. Your comments were definitely useful.

I thank you (yes, you) in advance for commenting/giving feedback on this one.

- - -

Dear Agent,

I am seeking representation for my debut novel, Summerboy, a 98k-word New Adult LGBTQ+ romance novel set in the state of New York in the 90's about two male high school seniors reconnecting after ten years apart during the peak of the ongoing HIV/AIDS epidemic.

Caleb Barnes and Dylan Hemsworth meet at Evanston Lake in the summer of 1985. They spend nearly every minute of their two months of freedom swimming, playing, adventuring, and getting into all types of mischief. Right before summer turns to fall, Dylan stops showing up at their meeting spot. Caleb never hears from him again.

August of 1995, Caleb returns to New York from a year abroad in Italy with only his senior year standing between him and his future. His best friends fill him in on everything he's missed in his year-long absence. With their help, Caleb soon realizes that last year's transfer student, and the new star quarterback of the football team, is none other than Dylan.

Once Dylan realizes who Caleb is, both boys approach one another to reconnect, but each attempt is thwarted by Elijah Dalton and the football team, who cannot begin to comprehend why Dylan would ever associate with a known homosexual, and who waste no opportunity reminding Dylan about their disdain for gay people and the disease they carry.

After getting a rare moment alone, the boys get the chance to confide in one another; Caleb learns the reasons as to why Dylan was so quick to turn his back on him in front of his teammates. Similarly, Dylan learns the reasons behind Caleb's abrupt move to Italy.  A mutual admission of romantic feelings follows, and leads the boys to believe that fate brought them back together for a reason. 

However, they soon realize that being a part of one another's lives is not going to be as easy as they thought, due to outside forces - cliques, bullies, homophobes, the AIDS epidemic, and high school in general - adamant on keeping them apart.

Hi all! Gearing up to query my second novel after having mild success with my first but eventually pulling it a little early. I think I have a much stronger story this time around. I'm hoping my query is pretty solid, as I've workshopped it a few times, though I do wonder if it's an issue that both of my comps are prequels. It's been a little difficult to find comps that I feel encapsulate the book, but I'll continue to look if this is an issue. I'm also wondering if it's considered romantasy, especially because I didn't particularly focus on the romance within the query even though it's essentially the driving force for the plot. Thank y'all for your help--you were invaluable last time I queried!

--

Dear [AGENT],

I am excited to introduce A SEA OF SHADOWED STARS for your consideration because of your interest in [insert]. Complete at 119,000 words, A SEA OF SHADOWED STARS is a dual-pov adult high fantasy novel blended with romance and horror. It features queer, autistic, and diverse representation in an empire inspired by Edo-period Japan in a world structured off various real-life cultures. This is an #OwnVoices story. It will appeal to fans of the exploration of companionship and loss in Christopher Buehlman’s The Daughters’ War and the strong female characters and sapphic romance in Samantha Shannon’s A Day of Fallen Night.

As a monster hunter and elite knight, Azria never thought she would become the hunted. During a hunt gone wrong, a witch captures her and infiltrates her memories. With her heart’s secrets exposed, Azria is forced into a pact with blood magic: every fifth moon, she must murder and sacrifice her kill’s blood to a rune embedded in her skin. If she fails—or tries to reveal the curse—her best friend and budding love, Miora, will die.

At first, it’s easy. Azria targets scum prowling the dark sides of her city. There’s a complication, though. Someone else is killing citizens in the same manner Azria is, and their ruthless pace threatens to expose Azria and her crimes. When she’s caught by the commander of the knights after a few kills, Azria flees, crippling her leg in the process. Taking refuge in a tavern on the outskirts of the empire owned by a friend, Azria works toward breaking the curse while continuing to defend Miora. What was a difficult task proves to be impossible, though, as Azria’s desperation forces her to kill more souls than she had fathomed. Azria’s mind begins to crack, and with every swipe of her blade, the voices of her kills echo in her mind, reminding her of her monstrous tendencies.

After Azria’s exile, Miora is left to solve the puzzle alone—both of the continuing murders, and that of her growing yet conflicted feelings for Azria—while tensions rise within the knights’ ranks. As secrets are revealed, like how the true murderer is closer to the knights than they think, Azria must struggle with the blood on her hands and the question that rings in her ears: is Miora’s life truly worth more than others?

[Bio]

Thank you for your consideration,

[Name]

--

First 300 (prologue)

It was moonfalls like these that made Kiso wish the sun hadn’t disappeared countless years prior. When you were to find a hidden temple to summon a cursed goddess, you needed all the light you could get.

He trudged through the streets of Shinyai, a weak, flickering orb hovering by his face. Leaves crunched beneath his feet, shades of ugly oranges that reminded Kiso of the slop he’d eaten the night prior. Or perhaps it was two nights prior. Using only the moon as a source of timekeeping proved to be difficult.

The knapsack slung across his back jingled. Runespowder, candles, bones, and a single dagger he didn’t have a particular affinity for. He’d tried to teach himself how to use it like the thieves and scoundrels that clogged the ratways of Shinyai’s main city, but the hilt always felt too heavy in his palm, and those he could learn from brushed him off with a sneer and a polite mumble telling him not to snivel and whine. Said he didn’t need to learn how to defend himself; his magic was enough.

But it could be more, with the help of his goddess.

He smoothed out the parchment of his map. Two chalky red circles pressed into the roads. He frowned. The pressure Pohyode, his mapmaker, had applied almost tore the map in two. Even under the dim light, the tears ridging the center of the map were visible. Kiso grumbled, running his hand over the paper again before angling his gaze up. He’d have to have a word with Pohyode about her destructive tendencies.

He was close. He peered down at his map once more, glanced around, and snapped the parchment shut, stuffing it into the open mouth of his knapsack. The aged paper slipped from his hands, which he then stuffed into the pockets of his brown robe, though he supposed it was such a murky shade that it could be considered gray under the right light.

Dr. Dalton, an aging professor on the brink of tenure, attempts to rebuild his life after years of alcoholism. His obsession with self-improvement becomes his coping mechanism, though he struggles with estrangement from his son and a politically fraught academic environment. When he impulsively signs up for a dinner party competition, hoping to stave off loneliness, he unexpectedly discovers a connection between one of the contestants and his estranged son.

On the other side of the competition is Dorienne, a determined woman battling mysterious seizures triggered by stress from her job. While working as a university security guard, she comes across and joins the competition. However, as she grapples with unexplained electrical malfunctions at her workplace and the pressure of fitting into a new friend group, she is fired for trying to evacuate a possibly dangerous building. Dorienne must confront the limits of her control over her life—and the possibility that her seizures will return.

Edit:

To the commenters, thank you very much - I will apply your feedback as soon as I can and try again.

Hi, hopefully this makes sense! I submitted a short creative nonfiction piece to a few online magazines this summer. A couple months ago I heard from one saying they wanted to publish my piece in mid-2025, and that they would send a contract in the new year.

I just got another offer from the magazine I wanted to go with the most, containing a contract and a sooner publication date. I'd honestly rather go with this magazine, but at this point, since I have responded to the former magazine thanking them for the opportunity (not signing or having received a contract, just saying thank you), I don't know if that would be bad form.

If it'd be bad form, should I just withdraw from the recent offer? They've given me a week to respond. If it's acceptable to withdraw from the former, should I just thank them for the opportunity but explain I want to withdraw? It's a small online space so I wouldn't be surprised if they saw the piece pop up in the other magazine so I'm not sure how transparent to be here.

(Sorry if any of this is common knowledge or a faux pas. This was my first foray into submitting anything and I didn't expect to hear any answers at all, let alone two offers.)

EDIT: Thank you to everyone who weighed in! I'm going to go with the first publication who reached out just to be safe, and send the other an apology/notice of withdrawal, as well as withdraw the other submission I had out.

Hey there! Big fan of this sub. I sent a version of this query letter to five agents several months ago, heard nothing back. I have edited it to this and would greatly appreciate some feedback before I soldier on again. Grateful for any advice you can give me. Thanks again.

Dear Agent:

Haunted by memories of Father Window, a hallucination of a monk who once sat in her sink and gave her inspiration for stories before she was diagnosed with schizophrenia, twenty-five-year-old aspiring writer Liza Lane arrives in Los Angeles, California from Minnesota, hoping her travels will be a fresh start.

When she discovers that the Sybil Hotel, where she’s staying—despite looking like a trendy attraction in the heart of downtown when she booked it online—has a dark and sinister past and may even be haunted, she hopes she’s found the solution to her problems: she believes in ghosts, after all, and thinks the hotel will make an excellent subject for her new book. But little does she know that the Sybil is home to another evil, this one tangible but even more terrifying: Rupert DeLarge, a mysterious man with a one-eyed black cat and a penchant for murder.

ANOTHER SUICIDE AT THE SYBIL HOTEL, a complete adult horror novel at 96,000 words, will appeal to fans of Stephen King’s THE SHINING and other haunted hotel/apartment stories involving women solving mysteries, such as Adam Neville’s NO ONE GETS OUT ALIVE and Simone St. James’s THE SUN DOWN MOTEL, as well as the satirical style of Grady Hendrix’s THE SOUTHERN BOOK CLUB’S GUIDE TO SLAYING VAMPIRES.

Thank you for your consideration.

My agent is taking 2 months AT LEAST to respond to me whenever I ask for feedback on anything. These are short middle grade books and I've been sending detailed storylines (as opposed to whole drafts). Is this waiting time normal?

They're from a reputable agency in the UK and I was already a published author when they became my agent. I'm honestly feeling really demoralised at this point and I would like to get a new agent, however I'm worried that if I leave this agent, I won't be able to find a new one.

Hi folks,

Third go around with this following some useful comments on my last attempt: https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1g6odmr/qcrit_upmarket_dark_fantasy_115k_words_second/

I'm still having a bit of trouble deciding what genre definitions to use as it's got elements of very many different sub-genres of fantasy/speculative so I'm going more a bit more broad now. Also struggling to find any comps that match stylistically since my influences are all a bit too old.

Anyway, the query:

Dear [Agent],

I am seeking representation for my debut fantasy novel INFERNAMUS (complete at ~115k words), which has prevalent gothic horror, mystery, and historical fiction elements. INFERNAMUS will resonate with fans of the diverse cast and flawed deities of GODKILLER by Hannah Kaner and the gothic, historical horror ethos T. Kingfisher’s WHAT MOVES THE DEAD.

PITCH

The Figure wakes in an ancient temple in the arctic circle. He has sacrificed his name and his memories to his cause: reaching Infernamus, prize of an ancient cosmic game and the key to godlike powers he would claim for himself. Through the haze of amnesia, the crimes he committed and the sacrifices he made weigh on him. But he cannot turn back. If the powers of Infernamus end up in the wrong hands, it could reignite an ancient apocalyptic war and destroy the world he left behind.

The Figure must journey through bizarre and alien worlds to reach his goal. He must carve an identity for himself and gather demi-god allies to overcome the hostile alien ecosystems and the dark gods that stand between him and his ambition. But does victory mean anything if he abandons his humanity along the way?

In early 20th century Dublin, Soufiane and Bartolomeo, academics with a passion for the occult following a childhood encounter with a forest god, stumble upon a manuscript that hints at the path to Infernamus. After Soufiane’s professor is murdered, the two become embroiled in an occult conspiracy. They too are drawn along the path to Infernamus, though they may have to fight a vampire or two to get there. But their road is a dangerous one, and as the threats against them mount it seems that their lives -  and their relationship - are in serious danger.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: [REDACTED]

[sign off]

FIRST 300

The Figure gazed into the abyss unfurling beyond the threshold, a dark window in an otherwise indomitable wall of arctic ice. Obsidian carvings of alien creatures leered accusingly with too many eyes from the archway. Their fishlike jaws distended at angles impossible for any natural being. Their glacial black skin showed none of the usual contusions wrought by time, reflecting the dim flame of his torch without distortion. No smell of damp or rot came from within.

A dull ache reverberated in his extremities, and his cloak grew heavy with moisture on his shoulders. He put a hand to his face and felt spectres of ice crystals in his beard. He probed past the angular bridge of his nose and around his brow, inspecting his features one by one as if to check they were still there. He examined the hand. 

His thin, dark fingers were flecked with red.

Blood… Mine?

The Figure remembered nothing of how he came to be here, nor any other germane details of his past. Only vague flashes: indistinct silhouettes and muted voices, the primordial scent of pine wood, the beauty of smog enshrouding an ambivalent city, the sweet bitterness of red wine on his eager tongue. And something else. Something formless and painful. Something he could not bear to acknowledge. 

He tried to recall his name, but it did not come; the wispy outline of a syllable swam beyond reach like a mote of elusive light.

There was no need to look backwards. His prize lay beyond the darkness, the root of the obsession that had consumed his name and his memories. He possessed only an alluring silhouette of this goal in his mind, but it was not nameless. 

Infernamus. 

Hi friends--hope you all are having a lovely December. Appreciate the feedback I got in my first attempt which you can find here.

Since I last posted, I edited the manuscript to 117k (I can admit it made the story better) and scrapped the last letter since it was so vague. Here's the newest attempt. I struggle with the genre, because while the romance is important, the story could exist without it so not sure what to call that.

__

Dear [AGENT],

I seek representation for AS THE FLAMES RISE, a 117,000-word dual-POV romantic fantasy that blends a slow burn, strangers-to-lovers romance with divine beings, hidden identities, and a world where prayer fuels magic. A standalone with series potential, AS THE FLAMES RISE draws loose inspiration from Hamlet and ancient Egyptian gods, featuring themes of sacrifice and reluctant royalty reminiscent of THE BRIDGE KINGDOM by Danielle Jensen, and divine intervention similar to THE SERPENT AND THE WINGS OF NIGHT by Carissa Broadbent.

Bladesmith Isola of the South Winds has been penitent through steel and flame in order to redeem herself for a prayer she made in selfishness. When she asked the divine to heal her blindness and scars, she neglected her grandfather’s ailing mind. As her only chance at healing goes unanswered, she vows to preserve his legacy as the continent’s greatest bladesmith. However, her atonement ends when her island village falls under siege. The invading army kills her grandfather and kidnaps her best friend, Senka, driving Isola on a quest for vengeance and redemption.

Leo the Wanderer is a prince turned nomad who, after the defeat of his side in a civil war, wants only a life of leisure and solitude. When his travels lead him to the South Winds, he meets Isola, who requests his help in rescuing her friend. At first, he declines. But when he learns that the army involved is the same one he lost to in battle twelve years ago, curiosity and old wounds pull him back into the fray.

Through their journey, each conceals a secret: Isola keeps hidden the divine blessing that makes Senka a target, while Leo hides his true identity as rightful king. Despite their mistrust, a bond forms between them, and Leo finds himself breaking his pledge to live unattached. But choosing loyalty to Isola over his freedom may cost him everything and force him to face the destiny he once fled.

[BIO]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,  

[NAME]

Thank you in advance - I very much appreciate it! And thanks to those who commented on my last version. I'd also really welcome insights on my comps as I'm not 100% happy with them. Starling House and One Dark Window have the right vibes, but I worry they're not romance-forward enough for a romantasy query? Maybe I'm overthinking that. And Buffy is obviously ancient and probably overused, but I'm struggling to come up with another comp I love that has that small-town-fight-some-monsters-eat-some-donuts feeling Buffy has. Here's the revised query:

I’m seeking representation for DARK LOCH, a 98,000-word adult romantic fantasy inspired by Scottish history, folklore, and the small, lochside town where I live. It features f/m and m/m romance and has crossover potential. Given your interest in PERSONALISATION, I think it would be a good fit for your list.

Niamh Wintergreen has seven weeks to save her twin. Jack’s been taken by the sìth—magicless inhabitants of the mist-haunted, monster-riddled world that lies through the loch overlooked by their house, where humans wield magic and the sìth survive by hunting them for it. Before she can attempt a near-suicidal rescue mission, she’ll need to learn how to access magic in our world so she can control her more powerful magic in the other. She can’t do it alone. Ren Takasaki is a handsome half-human witch with a bookshop in both worlds and his own vendetta against Jack’s captors. When he offers to teach Niamh magic and guide her through the otherworld’s ancient waypaths, she has no choice but to trust him. But Niamh has never trusted anyone other than Jack, and as the attraction between her and Ren builds, so does her crippling anxiety. If they fail, Jack will be fatally drained of his magic on winter Solstice.

But Jack isn’t as helpless in the otherworld as Niamh imagines. A masked man visits his cold-iron prison under cover of night: heir to the kingdom holding Jack captive, Talorc Lutryn—cold, conflicted, and as beautiful as his world is cruel. Desperate to survive and more than a little intrigued, Jack resolves to exploit the heir’s weakness for him. But enemies, eldritch and otherwise, are closing in, lured by the first fullblood human captured in decades. As Solstice nears, both men struggle to balance their unexpected connection against the pursuit of freedom and the needs of a fracturing kingdom whose power relies on the extraction of human magic.

DARK LOCH combines the atmosphere and stakes of Starling House and One Dark Window with the friendships and occasional levity of Buffy and is intended as the first in a duology. Like the twins, I have a BA in English and History and moved from Edinburgh to Highland Perthshire in my twenties. The landscapes in DARK LOCH are based on this area, although I’m yet to find a portal in our loch.

Hi all, I'm nearly done with a non-exclusive R&R (planning to submit by the week's end), and have pulled all of my fulls from any agents who were considering the old version. Today I received a full request from an agent for a query I sent in May (lol). She's a "dream agent" at a "dream agency," -- for clarity, let's call her Agent A --but the only problem is, since I queried her over 6 months ago, I had already reached out to a different agent at that agency, who is much more junior, who requested the full immediately and is now waiting on the revision (Agent B).

I assume I need to tell Agent A that it's already under consideration with Agent B at her agency and move on with my life? Obviously, I really would have preferred Agent A, and Agent B does not technically have the full since I pulled it. But Agent B did agree to read the revision. Is there any world where I'm able to submit to Agent A and not reveal that I had another agent at her agency who requested the full? (I.e. I reach out to Agent B and tell her that I'm not planning to send the revision and I appreciate her consideration?)

I assume this is a no-no, which is completely fine!, but I was curious if anyone ran into this before. Appreciate your advice!

Hello all! I've been lurking here for a bit and now I am waiting on beta reader feedback so in the meantime I wanted to get eyes on my query letter and first 300.

It's sitting at 403 words which is a little high without the personalization/bio so I am looking at where things could potentially be cut.

Question:

• Do you think I should move the housekeeping to the last paragraph instead? I know many recommend it be the first, but here's my reasoning:
  • This may help my hook line stand out more.
  • Based on my research of agents, I have noticed some are not interested in Greek-based stories at all/unless they are written by a POC, and I am a POC (which I plan on mentioning in my bio, but I left out those two sentences from the query below for my own privacy). I am wondering if moving this would be beneficial to keep the eyes on the story and get them closer to my bio than an auto-reject based on one of the first words seen being the word "Greek", or if I would just be burying the lead.
  • With the hook and synopsis at the forefront, it makes it clear that this is NOT a retelling. Ultimately, not sure how much switching from the first to the last paragraph would influence this because I would hope my query shows this blatantly.

Looking forward to all your feedback!

--------- --------- ---------

Dear [Agent],

I am seeking representation for ICHOR OF THE GODS, a 97,000 word standalone adult fantasy novel inspired by the works of Greek mythology and its interconnected stories of the follies of Gods and humans. This story is set in a world shaped and brought to the precipice of its existence by lore-influenced tales like Shadow of the Gods by John Gwynne and has a narrative voice similar to retellings like Ithaca by Claire North.

Thirty seconds of being a fraction of a God brings out the worst in mankind, but that was intended.

The God Mákkrís entertains himself with a Seeker named Katharos, watching as he hunts drops of Ichor for coins, risking his life against Godborn fiends and the monsters humans become under its influence. Katharos hates the Gods and hates the Ichor. However, he has resigned to a life involving neither as being impossible for him and his children. After returning from a confounding search for a lost Idol, he is summoned for help by Catia—a woman with a heart set on vengeance against King Lazaros and a device that can destroy the Ichor. 

In the Gods’ realm, something is wrong with the map used to spawn their Ichor as it reveals more of the Idols they once embodied to descend to the mortal realm. While Mákkrís and his siblings futilely try deducing the source of the issue, Katharos finds himself entangled in more than just helping Catia raid the rulers’ vaults and destroy their Ichor when King Lazaros shows up at his farm. Threatening his children’s lives, he forces Katharos to finish seeking the twelve Idols which he believes are the missing pieces to attaining Godhood. With every one Katharos finds, the danger Catia warned him of becomes apparent: a madman cannot be allowed to ascend. Yet Lazaros is hiding something and even Gods can be deceived. 

The oddities of both realms intertwine when rumors of the return of the fallen God emerge—a brother imprisoned for his betrayal. As the Gods watch Katharos uncover the role their brother is playing in Lazaros’s plans, they come to the horrifying revelation that it is far too late to intervene. Although exploited by those vying for power over Kithiria, Katharos is not as helpless as he has convinced himself. When the throat to cut should be obvious, his lifelong loathing is shaken with the power to kill Gods resting in his hands. 

[BIO]

Thank you for your consideration,

--------- --------- ---------

First 300:

The Ichor was right there, Katharos needed only to reach out and take it.

In truth, I was perhaps oversimplifying. To be more precise, what he must do was send his grappling hook into the tree fifty meters across to the other side of the Achellosa River, ensure it was secure enough to tightrope walk to the center where the Ichor was suspended above the crest of a waterfall, grab it, then return to the safety of the riverbank taking care not to fall a hundred meters to the treacherous rocks of the plunge pool below. All the while he was being pressed for time as the other Seekers, who had come upon the location of this drop either by chance or innovative means, would be here to do the same in ten minutes, give or take.

I neglected to mention that the river was in a violent rage due to the torrential downpour, which was unfortunate timing on a natural account, not by our design, to clarify. The weather was included in our Oath of abandonment. Even given the whole of these circumstances, compared to the precipitous cliffsides or frigid ocean depths fighting off fiends starving for human souls he often dealt with, this was a simple Ichor spawn location.

Katharos walked with arms extended, stepping one foot gingerly in front of the other, balancing like a trained performer on the rope between life and death. The rain worked against him, soaking into his chlamys to make it twice as heavy, cascading down his pteruges to challenge his footing. He reached out, fingertips grazing the Ichor, his feet teetering to maintain stability. One more step and it would be in his grasp.

A compact net came whirring at the Ichor to snatch it from him—well-aimed, but entirely useless.

Hey, r/PubTips! Here is another version of my query letter. Thanks again for the constructive feedback from u/Appropriate_Sun2772 and u/SoleofOrion.

From u/Appropriate_Sun2772, that’s (1) incorporating the voice from my first 300 words more into the premise, (2) focusing the query on Richard’s internal struggle, (3) removing some of the tertiary character backstories and names, and (4) clarifying Richard’s internal/philosophical struggle earlier in the query so that the ending hook works better.

From u/SoleofOrion, that’s (1) using a more relevant comp, (2) hinting more at Richard’s character arch in the final line, and (3) clearing up the US/British spelling.

My first 300 words remain the same as in my previous version and I’ve added one or two extra details in the query. One of my biggest concerns is that the novel is multi-perspective. I’ve tried to adapt the advice of this Query Shark post, which suggests focusing on one character’s experience and making it clear that it is multi-perspective later. Again, any feedback is greatly appreciated – thanks again!

Query

Dear [agent’s name],

I am writing because of your interest in [insert]. THE BIBLE OF BOB SMEEK is a 78,000-word LGBTQIA+ satire, written by a queer writer and set between the 2016 and 2024 US election.

Richard Booth is a gay attorney – and proud of it. Working for a civil rights organization in Washington D.C., he’s dealt with his fair share of difficult clients.

Enter Chastity Smeek, stage far-right. The de-facto leader of a homophobic church based in Kansas, Chastity is arrested for protesting the funeral of a beloved gay mayor.

Richard and his organization offer to represent Chastity’s appeal, believing that the government has infringed her First Amendment rights. The church’s hateful congregants, faced with financial and legal ruin, begrudgingly accept Richard’s help. His boyfriend might not be so easily convinced.

The case heads to the Supreme Court. Fractured between an evenly split Conservative and Liberal faction, the Senate has confirmed a new, untested Justice. A 5-4 vote, down to the wire? That’s how Richard likes it. However, his growing relationship with Mateusz Wiśniewski, the opposing lawyer, risks complicating his personal and professional life.

If Richard wins the case, free speech is guaranteed to every bigot, bully, and browbeat in the country. But after his relationship with Mateusz develops into a full-fledged affair, he’s no longer sure if his is a cause worth fighting for. It’s time to take down the church – from the inside.

Told from multiple perspectives, THE BIBLE OF BOB SMEEK combines the knowing LGBTQIA+ humour of Alison Rumfitt’s Brainwyrms with the modern political commentary of R. F. Kuang’s Yellowface.

Born and raised in Gloucestershire, UK (England’s answer to the Midwest), my work has appeared in various literary magazines. In 2024, I won The Mike Resnick Memorial Award for Best Short Story by a New Author.

When I’m not writing, I’m reading. When I’m not reading, I stare blankly at the wall, contemplating my mortality. I prefer to write and read.

[contact information]

Thank you for your time and consideration,

[name] (he/him/his).

First 300 words:

Frankie Wood had a problem. He was dying, and, to put it simply, he wanted to live.

The bullet, fired from a Smith & Wesson Model 36, tunnelled into his head, melting the fine layer of skin between his face and skull. It disintegrated, the shrapnel splitting like a sawed-off shotgun.

Frankie lost consciousness. The stage and cheering onlookers became nothing more than eye floaters in his field of view. He fell backwards, the little red-hot pieces bursting through his frontal lobe.

Then, he slumped forward into Eddie Rock’s toilet on September 29, 1985, vomiting.

***

A freshman. He was at a house party in his first week of college. The stench of smoke and sweat filled the air. Fourth-year Dan Sparks stood by the vinyl – handsome, strong-jawed Dan Sparks with dreamy eyes that matched his tight, forest green shirt. His throat burnt as he chugged a bottle of vodka, straight. Checking to make sure Dan was within earshot, Frankie declared to the people around him that he was a heavy-weight drinker, before immediately running into Eddie’s toilet and throwing up.

“Buddy?” Eddie knocked on the door, the sound jutting against Frankie’s eardrums like a jackhammer. “You alright in there?”

Frankie tried responding, Leave me alone for a minute, I’m okay. Instead, his mouth resting on the toilet seat, he said, “Leyave bpfme”.

“No worries, pal.” Eddie giggled behind the door. Frankie felt a deep yearning to evaporate, to disappear, to crawl out the slim toilet window and fall two storeys below onto the cold sidewalk outside.

He tried standing, slipping on a small puddle of water on the bathroom floor before falling, falling, falling further, landing on his granddad’s sofa on August 13, 1974, aged six. 

***

Frankie’s body lay on the stage floor, blood dribbling out his head like spit hanging from an open mouth.

I got great feedback on my first attempt, which you can view HERE. Here's my second attempt! Thanks in advance!

I am seeking representation for my Young Adult romance novel, NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS (60k words), which will appeal to fans of Meryl Wilsner's Cleat Cute and Ann Zhao's Dear Wendy. 

[personalized message]

Ruby Hopkins has had the worst year of her life. After being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes and getting dropped from her high school’s swim team, she is in desperate need of a reprieve. Miraculously, she is invited to join a training camp that could aid her in getting into college, and a second chance to make a career out of the sport that she loves. While Ruby is excited about the opportunity, one rule for herself looms over her as she starts to train: She does not want to make friends with anyone in an attempt to stay focused on her swimming career. 

As the Team Captain, Eliana Marsh is familiar with the pressure to perform. She is a social media sensation and has a down-to-earth personality that clashes with Ruby’s cynical one. 

While Eliana seems organized and on the right track to succeed, she is wrestling with her gender identity. How will the team and the public react if she comes out as non-binary?

As the two girls agree to help train each other in the hopes of scoring scholarships at the National meet at the end of the season, they learn more about themselves and what their dreams mean in reality. 

Currently, I work as a librarian who loves listening to audiobooks and watching reality TV. After nearly two decades of living with diabetes and failing to find an accurate depiction of it in the media, I set out to write my own.

Hi All,

I'm here with a second attempt at my query letter! I've really re-structured it based on feedback from my first attempt and more query letter research to follow just one of my protagonists instead of trying to summarize the story of all three.

Thank you for any feedback! Pitching is so outside my wheelhouse, so I appreciate it :)

Dear _____,

I am seeking representation for A TALE OF THREE WISHES, a 120,000-word fantasy novel that is the first in a trilogy. With multiple narrative points of view following three long-lost sisters within the fictional world of Glendell, it will resonate with fans of character-focused fantasy like Realm Breaker, Tress of the Emerald Sea, and Defy the Night.

On every star, Azalea wished for a chance to build a simple and stable life of joy.

When she follows a deer on one of her solitary hikes, she finds herself in Glendell, a wondrous world where she can do just that. In the Woodland Kingdom of Runewae, she befriends the sweet baker Elsie and the prince Killian, working the perfect job as Queen Esme’s maid, and all her wishes are granted.

But, one morning, the Queen is murdered, and the Kingdom of Runewae comes crashing down, mere ruins by the end of a single day. Considered the prime suspect in the Queen’s murder, Azalea is on the run, following Esme’s last words to ‘protect Eve,’ the life-giving spirit of the forest that resided in Esme’s body, passed onto Azalea in her dying breaths.

She discovers that the Queen of Port Mirinae, Nora, carries the spirit of the sea, and is likely the next target. She arrives to the palace as it is attacked by beasts of shadow whose venom corrupts with a scratch, turning anyone infected into depraved creatures themselves.

Queen Nora does not make it out.

Dejected and afraid, Azalea and a crew of grief-stricken survivors must work together if they are to defeat the mastermind behind the attacks and protect it from more destruction and corruption.

Azalea may have lost her wish for a simple life, but can she save this new world she has come to see as her own and protect her wish for a life with the people she loves?

I am writing to you due to your interest in fantasy and (personalize).

I hope you will consider representing A TALE OF THREE WISHES, and I am happy to provide sample chapters if required.

Thank you for your time,

[Me]

**Forgot to add in title this is ADULT

Hi all! Here for attempt #2—I think I’ve done a much better job this time, but please feel free to let me know what I might be missing!

And about my first 300—the main feedback I want to know is if it’s too boring. I know a lot of books these days tend to start in media res, but it didn’t feel right for me. You’ll see I’m a big fan of imagery—I am prepared to change it if necessary. There is some action in the prologue but it doesn’t start until like paragraph five or six!

QUERY:

Dear [Agent],

Vaani hides behind a facade. Even as an acolyte of the death goddess harnessing powerful magic, she is nothing more than a doting servant for the youngest heir to the throne. Given the kingdom’s rampant religious persecution of Phaarans, the choice to remain hidden serves the sole purpose of preventing her own execution. Though she may be safe in the palace, her hands itch to act every time a new captive is condemned, reminded of her sister’s death. But Vaani restrains herself, hoping the princess she serves will one day take the throne without inheriting her father’s enmity. Instead, she stays alert to learn more about the king’s newest weakness—a possible war with a neighboring kingdom over the subjugation of Phaarans.

Upon meeting Alon, a foreign Phaaran acolyte who entices her with his ideas of liberation, he incites the rage within her required to stand against the king’s inquisition force. Finally releasing the full potential of her magic with Alon at her side, Vaani finds solace in every Phaaran that escapes and travels across the northern borders to safety. But when their last safe haven in the city is destroyed, she realizes it is not enough. To end the genocide of Phaarans, the king’s reign must be brought to its permanent end. Even if she must put her relationship with the princess at risk and forfeit the life she has built, Vaani is determined to discover what freedoms await her in the aftermath of regicide.

SPURNED is a standalone XXX,XXX-word adult romantic epic fantasy novel with series potential. It combines an enraged female protagonist for fans of The Phoenix King by Aparna Verma alongside the intricate political intrigue of Reign & Ruin by J.D. Evans.

I received my BA in Creative Writing from the [University] in [Year]. As an Indian-American forever-fan of fantasy, I hope that my debut novel will appeal to readers searching for POC representation in a world that fuses Indian culture and themes of Hindu mythology with the well-known hierarchy of western feudalism.

FIRST 300:

PROLOGUE: FORTUNE “The most precious of winds carry good fortune. Follow them to discover your fate—your ambitions will no longer remain the feat you thought them to be.” Tale of Regaius: Part 1, Section 1

THE MOON OUTSHINED every single star in the sky. A bright, full moon was a beacon in its surroundings, while a new moon was akin to being lost in the sea of stars. But even on the nights where it fell beneath the ocean of darkness, its presence still lingered—an empty, starless space waiting to be full of light again.

A low, cool breeze fell over Vaani’s face as she gazed up toward the sky. The goddess Phaara’s full moon shone brilliant beams down onto Magurat, shadows cast down into the streets. She wrapped her black chiffon dupatta around her head to cover all but her eyes before continuing toward the boundary between the upper and lower city. Each step forward brought heightened voices, and the light of the moon was drowned away by lanterns and floating light spheres. Her eyes were drawn to them as the wind pushed her in the direction of the Janmangi street bazaar. While the upper city was silent at this time of night, the lower city continued to hum with life.

She was lucky it was far past the time when the streets were packed with market-goers. It would often be full of people yelling across the stalls to haggle with sellers, and the noise was intolerable. But this late, more than a few hours past sunset, there were only a few people remaining. They conversed with the merchants without needing to shove one another to reach the most coveted items. Many of the food vendors had packed up and left, leaving only the scent of sweets and spices behind for the rest of the night.

Hello! I've lurked a bit but this'll be my first time posting here. Thanks in advance for any feedback.

Before I even get into it, I know one major problem is my comps. I'd wait to post this until I fixed it but I've been struggling with it for a while, so maybe some comments here will give me some ideas. That aside, here's my query letter and first 300 words.

**Query**

Dear [agent],

[Personalized line either here or at the end depending on whether it can smoothly segue into...]

In a little corner of nowhere within the empire of Kanay sits an unchanging little village called Farwater. It is far removed from both the shadowy intrigues of the capital and the brutal war on the western border save by a single thin thread: a harrowed woman named Reila who arrived some years ago. The locals were kind enough to welcome her without the pain of prying questions, and in their midst she found contentment and healing – she even found love and a husband.

But when a simple argument with an overzealous tax collector takes a bloody turn, Farwater’s peace is shattered, and Reila’s with it. Driven by grief and vengeance, she begins trying to manipulate the village leadership towards executing a guerrilla assault against local nobility. However, she is beset by obstacles from within and without. Within Farwater she abruptly realizes that just because the people here live simple lives does not make them simple minded, and she struggles to keep her compatriots on the path she’s manufactured. Beyond the village old and forgotten grudges begin to stir and take on deadly new shapes, and it slowly becomes clear that what she’s begun cannot be contained to a localized act of dissent. All the while she struggles to understand her own heart; how far does she really want this to go, and what manner of person is she turning herself into in the pursuit of her goals?

Currently titled Heart of Power, this adult fantasy novel currently sits at roughly 80,000 words. Stylistically I’m most inspired by works like The Farthest Shore or The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms. The character concepts also draw from some of my favorite nonfiction works, like Ian Birchall’s The Spectre of Babeuf, Kropotkin’s Conquest of Bread, MLK’s Where Do We Go from Here: Chaos or Community, John Gurney’s biography of Gerrard Winstanley, and others. In the long term I’d hope to one day develop a style as strong as Le Guin, Octavia Butler, or Jose Rizal (for the last example I'd prefer my writing not lead to my execution by firing squad though... for the right offer I may be flexible on that).

[Biographical info here - cut for posting purposes.]

I think the emphasis on class conflict and solidarity will resonate those who feel economically dispossessed or politically disillusioned towards the status quo, including many college age readers.

[Sign off]

**First 300 words**

She cradled his head softly in her lap, gently stroking his hair the way he loved. She whispered nonsense. Sweet sounding words without meaning. Something relaxing and comforting like you might say to a crying child. His face was beautiful to look upon, if made weary and cracked by time under the sun. No time spent observing him would ever pass into regret.

When Reila had first entered the village six years ago he’d been the first to offer help to the tight-lipped and injured woman. Granted, injured mysteries were fairly common on account of the wars to the west. But Reila had grown used to seeing strangers sheepishly turn to one side as she passed. On a generous day some might offer a single meal or cup of water, but little more than what was necessary to prevent death. Ethical duty thus assuaged, they would again turn their backs. She had on rare occasions been uplifted by acts of spontaneous kindness, but something about how quickly and unconditionally he offered his support gave her pause. He was open to the world in a way no other had been, and the distinction of his character pulled at her curiosity until she could think of little else.

Hi, everyone!

I'm back with a third attempt, having received an amazing feedback from the second one. I can't stress enough how much all the comments have helped me, and how much I appreciate you all.

I have rewritten everything. From scratch. I tried to focus more on the stakes and the action, rather than vaguely presenting the story. I've also added more details, such as the identity of the villain and his plans. And I've updated the bio, as the previous one seemed kind of robotic. Feel free to critique every bit of it.

Also, the comps are not set in stone. I'm still looking for something more fitting, and would gladly take any suggestions!

Dear [Agent Name],

I am seeking representation for a fiction book entitled THE PORTAL KEEPER [Personalised text for the agent]. Complete at 120,000 words, THE PORTAL KEEPER is a Dark Fantasy set in Thistlebury, a fictional town in England. It will appeal to fans of Gideon the Ninth and The Starless Sea. THE PORTAL KEEPER stands on its own but has strong potential for a sequel.

The first thing he saw was a pair of green eyes, and then a violet sun.

When 20-year-old drug addict William Weaver wakes up after a horrific accident that cost him his left eye, the only thing on his mind is that nightmare; that winged creature in the darkness. All he wants now is to return to his normal life and be left alone, but that proves difficult as the nightmares begin to bleed into reality. Hallucinations plague him, and he realises he’s being followed by what appears to be a small green man.

Will’s fears are confirmed when Mina, an impoverished flower girl, reveals that she can see the green man too. Stumbling upon a pub that seems to exist between realities, brimming with alien creatures, they discover the green man is not only a goblin but also Will’s neighbour. Driven by reckless impulse, he confronts the green man alone, only to find himself in a life-and-death situation when they are both attacked by two aliens from the pub.

The discovery of an ancient artifact, a gleaming obsidian knife, and the awakening of hidden instincts propel Will and Mina on a journey beyond their familiar world, into a strange, overly square land inhabited by goblins. Along the way, they gain allies and uncover a chilling truth: the winged creature is real. Calling himself Grimm, he has imprisoned Death with the aid of a witch and a formidable goblin wizard, and is now gathering souls for a greater purpose.

Grimm is always watching. Some souls are easier to claim than others, and Will’s is among the toughest. Yet even he eventually succumbs, vanishing into an eternal purgatory — rescued only by the very witch who set Grimm on this path to begin with. But they all know the reprieve is only temporary, especially when Grimm accelerates his efforts, causing half of the world to vanish.

Will and his allies must risk everything to defeat him and restore their world, even if it means forging an alliance with the witch and stepping into the land of the dead.

I am a neurodivergent writer with a passion for RPGs and all things fantasy. My day job is in tech, a career path I stumbled into rather than chose, as I’ve always dreamt of pursuing writing. I began writing short stories in middle school notebooks as a way to pass the time, and have been exploring storytelling in various forms ever since. However, I never believed I could write a full-length book until my partner read one of my short stories and encouraged me to take the leap. What followed was a year and a half of relentless effort, squeezing as much writing as possible into my daily lunch breaks, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy every bit of it.

Kind regards,

[Me]

I am considering signing with an agent who seems like a perfect fit in every way except she and her agency are UK based and I am American. Their sales record in US market is strong and they represent direct rather than use co-agents, I also understand the commissions implications. BUT are there also tax implications I should be aware of? Or other things I should be considering?

Would love to hear from US authors who considered or signed with UK agents. Thank you!

Second Edit: I'm working on my rewrite and already feel like it's much better. Thank you all for the feedback! I'll post next week.

Edit: I just picked up a new book as a possible comp: The Courting of Bristol Keats.

First thing, I know portal fantasies are pretty much destined for the auto-reject pile 😅 But I made it this far so may as well see it through before moving on. Like a lot of you, I plan to start sending queries in January. Here's the draft for my letter, let me know what you think!

Dear FIRST LAST,

[Personalization]

A New Adult Fantasy / Romance, WHERE IMMORTALITY LIES (105k words) is the complete first novel in a planned duology. It is told in alternating point of view between the two main characters, Roslynn and Bearick.

Fans of Sophie Jordan’s A FIRE IN THE SKY will get sucked into the mystery of hidden identities and histories, while watching a love story unfold from both perspectives, like in Rachel Gillig’s The Shepard King duology.

Soon to be 21, Roslynn didn’t expect to get into a fatal car accident after yet another fight with her mom. She also didn’t expect to wake up in a world where she's mistaken for a long-absent Goddess, Perpetua.

Since she has the power but not the skills to match, not everyone is happy about her unexplained appearance. The only leads she has for getting home are a centuries old mystery, and the invisible pull she feels after a chance meeting.

On an obligatory family visit, a brief encounter leaves Bearick wondering about the connection he feels toward a stranger, and whether she has anything to do with the rumors about Perpetua’s return. His attention is taken elsewhere after discovering his brother, niece, and sister-in-law are missing. On his search for them, it seems his path is destined to cross with the visitor from another world.

As both characters embark on a quest for answers, Roslynn and Bearick struggle with their feelings toward one another, and whether they are genuine or the result of a higher force. When a demi-God, and scorned lover of Perpetua reveals himself, Roslynn starts to doubt her own identity, and if going home is really such a good idea.

[Bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

NAME

Inspired by those of you sharing stats and thoughts, I'm sharing some stats on my journey to publication.

I wrote seven full manuscripts, three of which I queried before I got my agent. I ultimately signed with an agent I'd re-queried after more than a year of rewrites on the manuscript. I write middle grade and wanted an agent who reps picture books as well, so that formed my agent hunt, mostly using the Publishers Marketplace leaderboard.

With the help of the late Query Shark (oh, we miss you, Janet Reid) I polished the pitch for my query letter. At the annual conference for the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators here in the UK, I won a live national pitching competition in front of a panel of agents.

By that time I'd queried about 50 agents with previous projects, but this manuscript was better, with a much stronger opening, as well as a solid pitch. I queried 16 agents that autumn, got 8 full requests and 4 offers of rep, including one UK agent who offered after hearing my pitch at the conference and reading the full. I ended up signing with an agent in New York who sells direct to editors in the UK.

Then lots more heartache began. A publisher from the same conference asked for the full, then said he wanted to acquire world English rights, and that I should have my agent contact him once I'd signed with someone. That fell through. We went on sub in the US and UK but couldn't find a publisher. Then it happened again, with my second manuscript. My agent was a rock and believed in my writing, but I went low, low, low.

I gave up writing. By that stage, my daughter was being bullied and I realized I hated children so I couldn't write for them anymore. Turns out I needed to write, something just for me, and that's what I did. I didn't, of course, hate children: I was just hurting (my daughter and that girl get on OK now). Anyway, that ultimate-revenge-fantasy-on-your-bully middle-grade MS became my debut, and we sold it to a New York publisher; it pubbed in 2020.

Total rejections across agents __and__ editors before I got pubbed: 121.

Total years writing children's fiction: 17

Total agents queried: 55

Number of times my heart got smithereened: 5

Number of times on sub to editors before getting a deal: 3

Number of times I gave up: 1

I'm new to this community but have been so impressed with the support you provide each other as well as the honesty about how publishing messes with your head. I was looking over the memorial posts about the late, much-loved Janet Reid and they reminded me how she saw us as "woodland creatures all" -- we need kindness as much as we need an agent, or a book deal, or readers' love.

I'm unsure whether it's a kindness to be quite so honest about the rejections that keep on flowing even after signing with an agent, but forewarned is forearmed & all that.

Hello, I'm not exactly new to the publishing industry. Last year I queried my first novel but wasn't successful. Now as I'm reaching the final pages of my second novel, I've been looking for ways to find an agent, and a few people on Twitter (X) have recommended pitch events. I've witnessed pitch events but never heard a successful story. Has anyone ever gotten an editor or an agent from a Twitter pitch even and did it turn into a book deal? I'm genuinely curious especially now with the new algorithm.

Hey there, good people. I’m getting my query package together for submitting in the new year and would be very grateful for any feedback on this query letter. Many thanks in advance!

Dear [Agent's Name],

I am seeking representation for my cyberpunk science fiction novel, ARTIFICIAL IMMORTALITY (99,000 words). It will appeal to fans of IN THE LIVES OF PUPPETS, by TJ Klune and THE MURDERBOT DIARIES, by Martha Wells.

Dr. David Stein doesn’t want to die. He’s a respected medical doctor and a Harvard professor. His life is perfect. But when he’s fatally shot in an armed robbery, it threatens to destroy everything he’s worked for. Fortunately, David’s health insurance covers a quantum physics-based technology that transfers his consciousness to a “Human 2” robotic body.

Reborn as an android, he discovers that being an electronic citizen comes with some all-too human downsides: discrimination, family rejection, and a total loss of civil rights. Forced out of his home, David seeks refuge in the Green Dragon Village, a secret community of robots. The quirky villagers give him the nickname "Scrappy," a new name for his new life. With help from his friends, including a foul-mouthed robotic sock monkey, Scrappy finds what he has been missing all along: a genuine sense of belonging.

Scrappy's new life is taken away when he gets kidnapped by the EverSentry Corporation and sold to Senator Karl Clauss as a live-in servant. Despite his poor treatment, Scrappy forms a bond with Peter, the senator's terminally ill son. When EverSentry targets Scrappy for termination, he must escape and find a way to save Peter's life without losing his own.

ARTIFICIAL IMMORTALITY blends dark humor with an exploration of civil rights, the nature of consciousness, and the quest for belonging.

As a former wildlife biologist turned GIS specialist, I've spent my career working for [redacted] and as a U.S. Government contractor on security-clearance projects. My diverse background has given me a unique perspective on human nature, technology, and the ethics of progress, which I've woven into this novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hello! Huge thank yous to anyone willing to take a look at this. Figured I should get my query started while I polish the rough draft.

Couple notes: I know everyone and their dog is comping Emily Henry. This is more of a stand-in until I can find something else that fits the themes I'm trying to convey. If anyone has suggestions, I'd be ecstatic to hear!

Second note, regarding the "when the two discover a link that bound them together...." bit: I'm thinking it might be a little generic. Should I just say what linked them together, or leave it vague? Maybe find a better way to reword?

Thank you so much again! Here's the query+first 300.

--

Dear [AGENT],

Freelance wedding photographer Emmy Fisher is one disaster away from losing her cramped apartment in California and moving into her car. Even that would be preferable to returning to Seattle, the place that represents everything she wants to forget–the ex who left scars on her psyche, and the mother who tries to control every aspect of her life. When Forever After Studios offers her a temp position, Emmy jumps at the chance to stay afloat. The catch? Forever After only shoots in teams. She’ll need to work in close proximity with Theo Bell, capturing romantic moments on the regular. 

On the surface, Theo’s quick to joke, and Emmy’s opposite. He shoots Nikon, she shoots Canon. He’s open, while she’s guarded and lives by three rules: Trust Sparingly, Keep your Secrets Close, and Never Fall in Love. What Emmy doesn’t know is that a year ago, Theo lost his twin Charlie, the day after their twenty-eighth birthday. As Theo’s war between his grief and growing feelings for Emmy wears his pun-coated facade thin, Emmy’s rules crumble. When the two discover a link that bound them together a year before they met, their withheld emotions rocket to the surface. Emmy must make a decision: Obey her final rule, resigning herself to a life spent in the shallows? Or break it, confronting her greatest fears for a chance at something real?

I’m seeking representation for my novel RULE OF THIRDS, a slow-burn contemporary romance complete at 80,000 words and written in dual POV. Readers who loved the exploration of grief, coastal setting, and patient love interest in Trish Doller’s Float Plan, as well as the self-discovery and familial conflict in Emily Henry’s Funny Story, will find similar joy in RULE OF THIRDS.

I am a disabled writer living in [location]. A passion for all things human nature and photography drives me, and, like in photos, I strive to capture life’s fleeting beauty in writing.

Thank you for your consideration.

Warm regards, [NAME]

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First 300:

Breaking down in the middle of the highway’s typically frowned upon. My car didn’t get the memo, and neither did I. With no warning it died, screeched to a halt, and now I’m running late to the gig that’s supposed to pay this month’s rent. The reek of burned rubber invades my nostrils as I take deep breaths, struggling to ward off a panic attack. This junker’s been with me for years–through countless weddings, a one-thousand-mile move, and it chooses now of all times to crap out?

The temptation to disappear into the ditch on my left is overwhelming. But that won’t get me to work any quicker. And you can’t put off a wedding. If the photographer doesn’t show up, they lose their deposit and get fewer jobs. Then I’m one step closer to losing my apartment and moving into this junker. Or worse, back to Seattle. Back to Mom.

Move, damn it. No time for doom spirals. 

My hands shake, bouncing the key off the ignition before it finally slides in. Hey, God? Universe? Anyone? Could really use a favor. The thought of car repairs depleting my already pathetic bank account makes me want to sob. 

After a few turns, the engine comes to life, and I slump forward in relief. On the dash, the clock blinks 1:46 p.m. I'm expected at 2 p.m. If I straddle the line between driving like a maniac and crashing, I just might make it in time. Might. 

My grip on the steering wheel doesn't falter until I peel into the venue’s parking lot. I’ve shot a few weddings here–typical country club with a sprawling golf course in the back. Hope the owners closed it today. Last thing I need is another bride nailed with a stray golf ball. That photo did not make it into the final album.

Hello!

I want to start this off by saying a huge thank you to everyone who gave me feedback on my first draft. My query letter became much better because of the concise and perceptive comments.

I was lucky to get criticism on my 2nd version elsewhere. Now, I'm circling back here to get thoughts on the much needed development from the first round. I value the input I've recieved here so far :)

*Notes

• I do not need crit on the Ghibli comp (I have already gotten agreement that it is relevant.)

• the social media stuff is necessary for the agent this is intended for (I'm aware it may seem odd to include without this pointed out. It's not something I've see on queries I've studied.)

Dear [agent],

Your desire to find heart-capturing stories, especially those reflective of real life, intrigued me. For this reason, I am pleased to present A WORLD OF MY OWN, a 552-word picture book for children ages 4-8, for your consideration.

The encouragement of Kelechi Okafor’s Strong Like Me meets the stylistic charm of Studio Ghibli in a child-centred story about identity. Structured by days of the week, this story is designed to captivate readers and listeners with read-aloud potential fuelled by rhyme.

Taloula’s world shifts upon realising that a chunk of herself is missing. Leave home, go to school, visit the playground, return home, repeat. The seven-year-old’s routine features nothing for her to do once the day is done. She has no clue what her interests are, rendering her life incomplete until she decides this cannot continue. Taloula’s friends and family help her explore different activities, keeping some close and hurling others away with speed. After this journey, she makes herself whole and learns the value of people having different skills.

Forming an authentic sense of identity is paramount at any age. Being left directionless by a lack of a strong identity allowed me to appreciate this. Now, with my purpose as a creative established, I am building accounts on [social media] to platform my stories.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Sincerely,

[Me].

Dear Agent,

I am seeking representation for my middle-grade manuscript, Supervillain, a 45,000-word contemporary manuscript that blends the adventurous spirit of The Mysterious Benedict Society with the emotional complexity of When You Reach Me. Supervillain explores the thin line between heroism and villainy, as seen through the eyes of a 12-year-old girl who believes she can control the future—until her carefully crafted world begins to unravel.

Tilly Finch is not your typical small-town girl. When she was just three years old her mother vanished, leaving behind a father who struggles to keep their lives together and a daughter who had to learn to fend for herself. Now, Tilly and her friends spend their days exploring Hattie’s Woods, a forest filled with secrets only they seem to care about—until the day Hattie, the forest’s mysterious owner, dies, leaving the land to the struggling town. The town council, eager to turn a profit, plans to sell the forest to the highest bidder.

Enter Amulet, a shadowy corporation with deep pockets and hidden agendas. When they start bulldozing the forest, Tilly convinces her reluctant friends to join her in a nighttime raid on the construction site. What they find—glowing purple fireflies and a clue about her mother’s disappearance—is just the beginning of a dangerous game that pits Tilly against forces far greater than she imagined.

Determined to uncover the truth about Amulet and her mother, Tilly must wield what she considers her superpower: the ability to control the future by manipulating those around her. She’s been using this “power” for years, bending people’s will to suit her plans. But when Amulet’s henchmen close in on her and reveal her deception, Tilly’s world falls apart. Her friends turn against her, and she learns a devastating truth: her long-lost mother is not only alive but is the CEO of Amulet. The same woman who abandoned her is now trying to reclaim her life—but not without a price.

As Tilly’s life spirals out of control, she must confront the dark legacy of manipulation she’s inherited from her mother. Supervillain is a story of secrets and lies, of friendships broken and mended, and of a girl learning that true power doesn’t come from controlling others.

I believe Supervillain will resonate with readers who enjoy complex characters and twist-filled plots that challenge the boundaries of right and wrong. I would be thrilled to send you the full manuscript.

Sincerely,

Me

---------------------300 words------------------------

“Why even go outside? It’s stupid and buggy and horrible and…,” Silas said, trailing off as he ran out of breath.

A cool wind swept down across us as we rode our bikes deep into the forest. It made Kira’s long, dark hair flutter and wave and Silas have to shout to complain.

“You just want to stay home and play Switch all day,” I said.

“So what’s wrong with that?” he shouted from behind us on the bumpy trail. “Hattie would’ve wanted me to be happy. She said that once: ‘Silas, you need to learn to be happy.’”

And that’s why we were riding out to the Wicked Place: to honor Hattie. The day before, she’d passed away in her sleep. She was the sweet old lady who owned the big forest that we now rode in. It was on the edge of Wagener, our village (dad says calling it a town gives it too much credit) in the middle of nowhere. When dad told me the news, I cried a while then called everyone and said we had to do something to remember her.

“That’s not what she meant, Silas,” Addy said.

“You knew we were gonna ride out here,” I added, struggling to get the words out between breaths. “I told you on the phone!”

“I’m allowed to change my mind, Tilly—it’s a free country!”

“Well go home then,” Kira said. She was always the most fed up with Silas.

He scoffed. “You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”

The wind picked up even more, gusting straight into us, and so we pedaled harder, our faces scrunched up in effort (I couldn’t actually see anyone else’s but I figured they were). The trees shivered and their leaves rasped as we coasted down a narrow trail lined by thorny bushes and poison ivy.

Last check in of the year! Of course give us the current updates (or not) but it’s also great to read a little retrospective on the year. Share your biggest ups and downs from the past year (publishing or not) and let us know what you’re planning in the last month of the year. We will do goals/resolutions with our January check-in.