Hello again my beloved pubtippers! The feedback on my last query was great, and I queried for a bit last year (12% request rate, neat) until I paused to do some major rewrites/revisions (as you can tell from the new word count!). I'm almost ready to jump back into querying soon, so I'm seeking your collective wisdom once more.

The biggest change in this version is that I tried to touch upon the external conflict more (which was almost entirely missing from v2) - but I'm not sure if it's working? Also, the opening page is somewhere different. Please let me know what you think!

Query:

DRAGON SCOUTS is a 58k upper middle grade fantasy with series potential. It will appeal to fans of the human & beast bonds of A.F. Steadman’s Skandar and the Unicorn Thief and Amanda Foody’s Wilderlore, as well as readers of Tui T. Sutherland’s Wings of Fire who long for a dragon of their own.

12-year-old Ren tells herself she’s fine being a loner. Then a dragon named Nym rolls into town and announces that dragons are real, and he’s chosen Ren as his rider. Becoming a dragonrider sounds infinitely cooler than starting seventh grade, so Ren jumps through the portal to the world of dragons. Too bad Nym can’t fly, as Ren discovers when they crash-land in the hostile wilderness below the floating Dragonrider Academy.

As they work together to survive dangerous elementals and human-hating Wild dragons, Ren gets to know her new partner. Nym doesn’t believe dogs are real. He claims he invented pizza. Basically, he’s a dingus. Plus, he’s a Wild dragon himself, supposedly too ‘barbaric’ to join the Dragonrider Academy. Ren is about ready to give up on becoming a dragonrider. But Nym knows what it’s like to be alone, too. He’s loyal and brave. And most importantly, he loves listening to Ren ramble about her favorite anime. Yeah, he’s kind of a loser, but so is she. Maybe being losers together wouldn’t be so bad.

On their journey back, Ren discovers one Wild dragon clan’s plot to destroy the Academy. Now Ren and Nym must race to warn the Academy—and find a way to bridge the divide between dragonriders and Wild dragons. Saving the Academy will be hard enough. For Ren to become a dragonrider, she’ll have to do something even harder: admit to herself that she’s not fine being a loner—and embrace the strange new experience of friendship.

I’m an environmental geologist, artist, and dragon enthusiast. I live in Seattle with an overstuffed bookcase and too many houseplants for my own good.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

First 300 words:

Ren would rather punch herself in the face than attend her own birthday party.

But Dad would never let her skip it, and she didn’t think giving herself a black eye would change his mind. All she could do was find a distraction before the annual torment began.

And she had a pretty good idea in mind: finally going searching for the Monster of Serpent Rock.

Ren and her twin sister Jas crouched on the pebbly beach on the edge of town, listening to the wind whistling and waves crashing. Serpent Rock, supposedly haunted, was a craggy little island just offshore. The old lighthouse, hopefully also haunted, perched atop the island’s steep cliffs. Though the details varied, local legends generally agreed that there was something delightfully horrible out on that island.

“I bet it’s either a ghost, or a sea serpent,” said Jas. “I heard they found human bones washed up on shore.” She held the machete they’d snuck out of the garage before Dad could tell them not to play with it. Jas looked ready to chop off a sea serpent’s head or stab a ghost. If that was even possible.

“Well, I hope it’s a giant seagull.” Ren held a bag of PB&J sandwiches, because maybe the monster would be tired of seafood and she could befriend it. And if it was a giant seagull, maybe she could train it to poop on her enemies.

“Whatever it is, we’ll be ready,” Jas said solemnly.

Ren beamed. Maybe today wouldn’t be so bad. She and Jas were hanging out together, just like they used to. “Ready to go?” she said. The low tide revealed a rocky path to the island.

“Just a second.” Jas checked her phone. “They’re almost here.”

And just like that, the expedition was ruined. Ren should’ve known.

Good morning and happy Friday,

I originally wrote this book as a YA but after a year of rejections I decided to do a rewrite and aim for MG. Please let me know what you think! Feel free to rip into it, I definitely need the help!

Dear [agent],

Amber Hope is only twelve years old, but she’s the only one who can save the world from itself and the mistakes of the greedy, ambitious scientists at ASTORG.

When Amber and her classmates Nick and Carter uncover ASTORG’s secret “zoo” full of genetically engineered animals found only in fiction or in the distant past, they know they’re about to change the world—for better or for worse. While searching the cages, the trio discovers human-like creatures. Before they know it, the lead scientist catches the group and swears them to secrecy, or else. But Amber, as an aspiring journalist, knows she can’t let it go.

The trio decides that they must expose ASTORG after learning ASTORG has sold the creatures to be used as weapons of war, but ASTORG convinces the world that the kids’ zoo videos were fake. As the trio struggles to agree on the right thing to do, Amber goes alone to open the cages. When Amber frees the human-like creatures, she unknowingly frees the biggest threat to face mankind in thousands of years. In the chaos, all three friends end up alone, each charting their own course to save the world. 

The Hidden Zoo is the first novel in a trilogy which tells the story of three twelve-year-olds trying to make the world a better place in their own unique ways, which I believe will appeal to a wide variety of readers who enjoyed The Lion of Mars or The Daughters of the Lamp with its incorporation of mythical realism and its draw from fairy tales. 

I graduated from the United States Naval Academy in 2022 with a Bachelor of Science degree in English and a specialization in medieval history and literature. I started writing my own novels in 2021 and self-published my first novel, but now I would like to go the traditional route with The Hidden Zoo.

I am submitting The Hidden Zoo to you because [Say something super professional and nice]

Thank you very much for considering my work! I look forward to the possibility of working together.

Very respectfully,

XXXXX

I'm a debut litfic author with my novel forthcoming next summer. I'm grateful for any tips!

Dear [Agent’s Name] persnal words..

Missfortune Is My Middle Name is a 55,000-word YA Rom-Com that blends humor, family drama, and a dash of magical realism to tell a queer-positive coming-of-age story about love, identity, and a relentless family curse. With its mix of laugh-out-loud blunders, heartwarming romance, and a fresh take on self-discovery, it will resonate with fans of She Gets the Girl by Rachael Lippincott and Alyson Derrick and I Kissed Shara Wheeler by Casey McQuiston.

Fifteen-year-old Casey Blackwell has lived her whole life under the Hillford Curse. The century-old hex dooms the eldest child of each generation to escalating bad luck. For years, the curse has been a frustrating (and often hilarious) part of Casey’s life, manifesting in humiliating accidents, public disasters, and the kind of bad timing that makes the universe feel personal. But as the accidents grow more serious, Casey realizes this isn’t just bad luck—it’s her future. And if she doesn’t take action, it could derail her life completely.

With her fiercely loyal (and equally ridiculous) younger brother, Sam, by her side, Casey embarks on a mission to break the curse once and for all. Their search leads them to cryptic family history and one dead end after another. Just when all seems bleak, Casey meets Jonna Turner—a tough, sharp-witted girl from the wrong side of town who is, unfortunately for Casey, impossibly intriguing. Jonna might not only hold the answers Casey needs but also the power to break the Hillford Curse.

What starts as a determined quest to end the curse soon becomes far messier as Casey’s growing feelings for Jonna blur the lines between her mission and her heart. And with Casey’s luck, nothing ever comes easy. This time, the obstacles aren’t just awkward mishaps or minor embarrassments. Dangerous realities emerge: Jonna’s criminal ex-boyfriend, stark social differences, and Casey’s own family expectations force every decision to its breaking point. If Casey can’t find a way to navigate the chaos, she won’t just risk losing her budding love with Jonna—she’ll lose her very chance to end the curse. That would leave her with a harsh choice: pass the curse on to her future child or bring the Hillford family line to an end forever.

Missfortune Is My Middle Name is a heartfelt story about love, identity, and defying the odds—even when the universe (and an ancient witch) seems to have other plans. I appreciate your time and consideration. I’d be delighted to send the full manuscript or any additional materials upon request.

Sincerely,
[Your Name]

First 300 words:

Dear Diary, today is October 21. While there’s nothing noteworthy about this day, it does stand out. You see, yesterday I got some news. But before I get into that, you should know who I am…

My name’s Casey Blackwell. I’m fifteen years old, and to the naked eye, I’m about as average as they come. When I say average, I mean it in every sense of the word.

Point one: I’m white. Skinny. Blonde. But not the good kind of blonde. I’m talking dirty blonde—like Ratatouille, except my hair’s the rat, just without the cooking talent.

Wait, I’m derailing. Where was I? Oh right, basic white bitch? Nah, scratch that. I’m not even sassy enough to pull off bitch. I’m just… boring. Plain. Vanilla. The kind of person you glance at and then immediately forget.

At least, that’s what you'd think.

Because here’s the kicker—I am special. Just not in the good way. I’m cursed. No, seriously. Like, full-on pointy-hat-and-cauldron cursed. With misfortune.

Why, you ask? Well, that’s on my mom.

I didn’t always know about the curse. In fact, it wasn’t until last night—when my whole world flipped upside down and somehow, at the same time, finally made sense.

It all started when Mom gave me that look and sat me down. You know the one—where you just know it’s time for one of those "big talks." The kind where they drop some serious life lesson, like "try harder in school" or "sneaking out at night is a one-way ticket to detention."

My mind went into overdrive, racing in a thousand directions. But of course, I zeroed in on the one thing I dreaded most—Oh God, is this the infamous talk?

So, I've written a novel over the last few years. Its a horror novel with two protagonists aged 15. I'm about to start querying agents and publishers, but I have a concern.

With the protagonists being 15, I'm aware this would get lumped in the YA category. That doesn't bother me. What concerns me is that I never set out to be a YA writer. I set out to be a horror writer. Making the protagonists teenagers just came about naturally. Nothing else I've written and had traditionally published is YA, and I don't foresee myself doing it again, purely because it just isn't my natural lean.

My concern is that agents looking for horror will be turned off purely because of the protagonists' age. I've already had two in the past say they thought the writing was good, but couldn't represent it due to the age of the characters.

Have I screwed myself?

Edit: Personally, I don't believe it is a YA story. It doesn't feel like one to me. But I'm being told that it is, admittedly by google searches into 'what makes a book a ya story' and a couple of agents, one who got back to me within an hour, so I doubt actually read it.

Edit 2: I feel like I'm losing my mind with this.

I'm hoping you wonderful people could tell me all of the, probably glaring, flaws with my letter and elevator pitch before submitting! Thank you!

Dear X

Cleo Parker thinks you can tell a lot about a person from their groceries. She’s not nosy exactly, just interested, and the predictability of the four other discount aisle regulars is a comfortable distraction from her unexplained physical episodes. Well, it is, until some of them are caught shoplifting and security assumes that they are all involved.

Cleo’s pry or die mantra propels her forward to negotiate an agreement to avoid police involvement, and her career skills – less legal eagle, more pro-bono pigeon – land her the role of supervising voluntary shifts for the group at the store. She soon learns the labels that she placed on the octogenarian, Gen-Z, young widow, and aloof Adonis, were as misleading as the ripe and ready ones on the avocados. Realising their struggles, from caring obligations to loneliness to finances, she is determined to help them.

Alongside working on an unsettling grooming case, and keeping her physical attacks secret, she introduces them to new hobbies, roles, and friendships, and guides them through falls, and crashes – both literal and metaphorical. But when a face from her childhood in care appears in court, unravelling her carefully controlled life even further, will those she is saving be able to look past her tough exterior to try to save her?

The DISCOUNT AISLE GANG is a book club fiction novel, complete at 92,000 words. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the depiction of modern life and friendship in Monica Heisey’s Really Good Actually, the community in Clare Pooley’s The Authenticity Project, and the random etiquette we attach to everyday settings in Natalie Sue’s I Hope This Finds You Well.

I am a recovering lawyer on maternity leave, a trustee of a charity in India providing life-saving insulin to diabetic children who can’t afford it, and a proud member of a writing club in York. This novel is inspired by my own experience in stores, including being punched by a stranger (but that’s another story!), and my toddler showing me the magic in everyday places. After all, who hasn’t peered at the contents of the shopper in front and made up their life based on it?

I hope you enjoy this multi-POV extract as I know you are looking for X.

Thank you for your time.

Elevator Pitch:

A childfree matriarch witnesses a bizarre shoplifting incident and is forced to protect the four strangers who caused it from criminality, judgment, and themselves

Hi all! I took a long break from my query letter after working with a professional editor (and former agent) to trim it down to the basic premise, which really helped. Now, I've gone back with fresh eyes and tweaked a few details to clarify some things that I felt were not hitting the intended notes, or were left too vague. I hope I haven't done more harm than good ("different" isn't always "better") so I'm posting for a 4th round sanity check before I start submitting. A million thanks!!

Sixteen-year-old Wren is trying not to resent her twin sister, but it’s tough when Willow’s already conjuring small cyclones, and Wren can’t even manage a single spark. Metatherians like Wren are meant to harness the forces of the universe to safeguard humanity. Instead, she’s stuck on the sidelines, escaping life through vivid daydreams where she can be anyone but herself. But when Willow vanishes, Wren is convinced her nightmares of her sister trapped in a white room are real. Desperate to unlock her powers and find her sister, Wren heads to Wesley Academy, a secluded mountainside training school for Meta teens.

At Wesley, Wren is surprised to find her childhood friend Theron, absent since his recruitment to the powerful League. Once her spirited secret crush, Theron is now haunted by a tragic loss battling rogue Metas. As Wren struggles to reach him, she experiences a vision from his past and discovers her “daydreams” were never mere fantasies but glimpses into others’ memories. In Theron’s memory, Wren sees clues linking his loss to a deeper conspiracy – one that may connect to other disappearances. Desperate to uncover the truth, she struggles to confront the dark memories of those involved. Yet, to truly harness her powers, she must first learn how to trust herself.

As Wren and Theron help one another, their increasingly charged connection sparks long-buried feelings and reveals greater untapped powers within Wren. She soon discovers that captive Metas are being turned into weapons – Willow among them. Wren fears that if she can’t embrace her power and free Willow in time, they may end up on opposite sides of a looming war.

Perfect for anyone who has ever belted out “Defying Gravity” in the shower, VICARIOUS (100,000 words) is a standalone YA contemporary romantic fantasy with series potential. It will resonate with readers who are drawn to the fantastical yet modern world of THE NATURE OF WITCHES, the heroine’s journey of LEGENDBORN, and the healing romance of FLOWERHEART.

[Why I’m querying this agent - could also go at the top depending on the text]

My work in special education, supporting children with emotional and developmental challenges, has shaped my focus on themes of resilience and self-empowerment. Driven by a lifelong passion for storytelling, I’ve also worked in marketing and filmmaking, including editing the Emmy-winning documentary [redacted for anonymity].

[Inclusions] Thank you for your consideration!

I've been on sub for most of the year with some rejections and a lot of silence, which has been difficult enough. What gets me is that we still have editors from the first round who seemed excited about the pitch, requested the manuscript but haven't responded since--not even to nudges. Are they ghosting us? I knew agents ghost when querying but do editors too? And why? I thought the professional relationship between agents and editors was tighter so agents would at least get responses to their submissions, even if they're a pass.

(side note: I feel confident in my agent. She's been getting other clients good deals this year. So I'm also worried it's me and my manuscript that's the problem)

I'm hoping to get my query package together while the manuscript is with beta readers! Please help me make it the best it can be :-)

Dear [Agent],

In YA near-future dystopian UNARTIFICIAL (70,000 words), misfit teens battle a corporate overlord in the former state of Nevada, combining the anti-authoritarian struggle of Under This Forgetful Sky by Lauren Yero with the queer coming-of-age subplot of The Meadows by Stephanie Oakes.

Seventeen-year-old Jenna, one of the few humans not designed by AI, is about to lose her home and be sent to a prison camp. To save her mother’s house and avoid the camp, Jenna plans a heist to steal illegal non-AI music with the help of her friend Ethan, a hacker with cerebral palsy.

Unfortunately, she and Ethan are arrested and taken to the Factory, the same prison camp Jenna had hoped to avoid. There, they are forced to complete bizarre tasks to improve the dictator’s AI. Ethan bypasses the Factory’s security to contact his celebrity crush, a pop music phenomenon who promises to help them escape. Jenna, however, doesn’t trust the singer’s motives, especially when the AI’s experiments make it hard to tell who or what is real.

To escape the AI’s control, Ethan will need to uncover its secret programming, while Jenna will have to confront the dictator himself. Unfortunately, she’ll also face the ugly reason she wasn’t designed by AI in the first place.

[BIO]

Thank you for your consideration!

[NAME]

FIRST 300 words:

Jenna waited until the other girls were showering before pulling off her own clothes. Even so, everyone stopped to stare. Jenna imagined they were mentally listing the features that made her different, from her dark hair down to her overlarge feet. Every morning, Jenna flattened her black curls with a straightener to make them more like the other girls’. When she’d tried bleaching her hair, though, even her teachers had laughed. They hadn’t been wrong; blonde hair looked terrible on her. No amount of makeup could give her the milky skin and delicate features of, well, everybody else. Everyone who was supposed to exist.

Jenna ignored the girls in the showers next to her, though she could feel their curious eyes crawling over her like insects. Across the room, somebody giggled. Jenna caught the words “short as a middle schooler”. The other girl—Millie, of course—responded more loudly, “Yeah, but no middle-school kid has boobs like that.” Several girls laughed, covering perfect teeth with long-fingered hands.

Damn them all. Jenna knew better than to confront them, or she’d only get detention again. She was the weirdo, the one who was different. If they picked on her, it was her fault. In her head, Jenna replayed the voice of Etta James, so soothing yet full of pain. Only a few more hours of school, and she could listen to Etta’s records and leave the day behind her.

She dressed, eager to cover her body, though the hand-altered uniform was another source of shame. At her last school, she could wear a younger kid’s outfit, but by high school everybody else was the same size and shape.

I know it is exceedingly strange to see a query for a novelette on this subreddit, but one of the main publishers that accepts manuscripts of this length and genre requires a query letter. Since there are limited (only four) options for novelettes in this genre, I want the query letter to shine! Thank you in advance for reading and helping me out.

Dear [Editor],

Please find for consideration for your “xxxx” series my manuscript, THE CONSORT, a 10,012 word horror-fantasy novelette. "The Consort" is best described as Clive Barker’s Mister B. Gone blended with a John Hughes movie. After researching the “xxxx” series’ recent releases and its emphasis on “weird,” genre-melding narratives, I believe my work would fit nicely within this line of novelettes.

Lowerous is a fledgling demon who must complete his first contract with a mortal, or he will never be allowed to return to Earth again. Lowerous enters into a 24-year Faustian pact with Derek, a young man who has found the ritual to summon a demon on the Dark Web and wishes demonic assistance in talking to girls. The pair’s primary mission is to romantically pursue Lizzie, a member of Derek’s tabletop gaming group.

Lowerous provides Derek with advice during dates with Lizzie, and the demon disguises himself as a human named “Lennie” in order to join his summoner’s tabletop group. Though there are some humorous mishaps along the way, Derek ultimately successfully woos Lizzie thanks to Lowerous’ guidance. However, Lowerous begins to worry that Lizzie’s religious beliefs will influence Derek to reconsider his pact. This fear consuming him, the demon begins to plot dark and drastic ways to avert this possibility and expediate his summoner’s descent to Hell.

BIO

As requested, I have attached the first ~1000 words of “The Consort” for your review. I look forward to sharing the whole of the manuscript with you.

Thank you for your consideration.

I've centered on the more marketable of my POVs, also the one who appears first. It's made it much tighter, but how will agents know? Is it something I don’t need to tell them? Two POVs isn’t a crazy number, but I don’t want to bamboozle any potential agents. All comp recommendations welcome!

Ivis is a beautiful vampire, and in the country of Baroth, that is a dangerous thing to be. Figurehead leader of the revolutionary organization Heroes, Ivis seeks to end the clone trade of the ancient cyclops leader of Baroth for the sake of her best friend, a clone himself.

After a cyclops rescue goes wrong, the group calls on the only person guaranteed to get Ivis back to them, a human. Despite trying his best to fit in, he fractures the group. Between his not picking up on the tension between Ivis and her best friend and everyone’s past meetings with his kind, Heroes struggles to continue pursuing its goal with their problematic new addition.

Agents of Baroth’s anti-criminal forces gun for them all the more as they reach their final phase in the plan to end the clone trade, a split operation to retrieve the two final clones. Unbeknownst to Heroes, their enemies have more plans than just keeping the clones, plans to fully destroy the group to keep the revolution from brewing. Heroes must fight, not only to keep themselves alive, but for the fate of Baroth.

At 85,000 words, THE ORIGIN OF HARROWS is a YA fantasy with realistic world building similar to [x] and [y].

Pitch:

THE ORIGIN OF HARROWS is a YA realistic fantasy about a group of non-humans fighting to stop the trading of clones and convince their society that they are not fundamentally inferior before the country’s corrupt justice system catches up to them.

Hi!

I've got a few questions for my query - one being the genre, as I definitely believe it to be literary fiction, but it could also be literary horror or literary suspense? I guess it has elements of all three and I'm not sure which is the best way to position, or if its advisable to position differently based on the agent.

Additionally, I'm not quite sure that this query version encapsulates the main interrogation/depth of the manuscript, in favor of trying to be "hooky." It's already on the longer side. And my comps - one of them is from 2017, which I understand is old, but the other two are the past year - can I get away with that? Thank you so much in advance!

Hi X,

(Personalization) I am now seeking representation for MY LAST FILM, a work of literary fiction complete at 90,000 words.

Petra has a stalling, barely-there career as an actor, oft employed as a server, past employed as a model. When she finally lands a breakout role, it's for a horror film helmed by a renowned director. She will lead alongside Margot, a former teen soap star trying to repair her recalcitrant reputation. 

The project is in an analog-era reimagining of Bluebeard, a fairy tale of female curiosity and male barbarity. The director asks the girls to spend a week alone on location to prepare. There—in rural seclusion, in a house laden with anachronistic set pieces—they find that the conditions of their stay mirror the film's: they can go anywhere except for one, forbidden room. In the film, opening its door spurs the last act's deadly conclusion.

Under this specter, Petra delves into her character's psyche through her own, and the girls' friendship grows as they talk about work and relationships. Both are desperate to be seen in a world where creation lies in place of seeing, where immortality lies in place of beauty. But as they talk their characters to life, the film becomes alive as well.

The body doesn't know the difference, as Margot says, between reality and fiction. Acted emotions are real. Spectacle is real. And the film's violent ending—which the girls inevitably march towards, following their characters' steps—that might become real as well.

MY LAST FILM is about our hyperreal world of images. What is idolized, what is lost, and what it's done to language and belief. It carries the voyeuristic, girl-v-void drive of Emma Cline's The Guest into the gothic atmosphere of Mona Awad's Rouge, with the found footage inflection of John Darnielle's Universal Harvester.

(Housekeeping)

first 300:

The morning Petra got the call, she was alone on the roof of a brownstone somewhere in the city. She hadn’t slept. Her friend had just gone through a breakup and wanted to really go out, and so they had been out, and now it was near sunrise. The breakup meant a lot more of these nights. It was a consequence Petra felt ambivalent towards. She resented feeling like a boyfriend’s understudy, but never sought out her own relationships to mollify this. 

The two had started at the bus stop, sweating in the thick midnight, Petra’s friend embracing her, sharing her headphones, her flask, regaling her with all this new age language about ignorance and identity while “Stereo Love” had her hands undulating in their peripheries. I wasn’t myself, she said. I was like the idea of me, to him. It was fucking me up. They spent most of the night at a club, walled by red light and languishing fronds, her friend screaming I love you over the somatic house bass, I love this over their lost hours, their damp highs. 

Afterwards, they were absorbed by the half-relationships the city towered upon, a friend of a friend towing everyone to this palatial townhouse in an unfamiliar neighborhood. A mohair carpeted citadel far from the cramped apartments most of the group originated from. There were many substances and drinks and personalities. There was an ever growing crowd. Petra retreated, as she usually did at parties, into the shelter of boys’ attentions. 

In the second living room there was a conversation pit. This lit a dim memory of the Beatles’ Help movie, which Petra watched all the time as a kid, and so it made her think of Saturday afternoons after skating practice, used and clear from two hours of her heart metronoming on the ice. 

Grateful for the feedback last time. Here's my latest iteration, leaning more into the speculative angle and linking some plot aspects a bit better. Word count for the entire letter comes in at about 300. I have tried not to go into too much detail in order to keep it brief and concise, as seems to be encouraged, though I feel like I see much longer queries posted on this sub.

Dear [Agent],

I’m currently seeking representation for my novel, PULL, an 80,000-word speculative psychological thriller. 

Alex Hemsley possesses a unique ability: he can see the memories of others simply by touching them. Haunted by vivid recollections, he struggles to overcome the trauma of seeing the darkest moments of people’s lives. He isolates himself in a solitary office at his brother’s tech company, where a series of unusual events has put him and his staff on edge—especially when a coworker who was thought to be dead shows up on late night surveillance footage.

When Alex befriends an engineer named Jessie from a rival company, he learns he’s not the only one experiencing strange events. Charmed by their budding rapport, he also feels hope that he may not have to be alone forever. But that ends one night when an ambush leaves Jessie dead, and her younger sister kidnapped for ransom.

Unable to stand by any longer, Alex begins searching the memories of those involved in the mysterious events around him, following the trail of a sinister force working in Manhattan. Then he makes a chilling discovery—he may not be the only one involved with a special ability.

PULL combines suspense, speculative elements, and psychological twists, examining how traumatic events shape who we are, and the responsibility that comes with power. I believe it will resonate with readers who enjoy fast-paced thrillers infused with speculative concepts, particularly fans of RECURSION by Blake Crouch.

short bio/close

Dear [ ],

My name is S.A. Senchal, and I am thrilled to introduce my 140k word Upper YA / NA / Crossover SFF novel, The Alpha Protocol.

What would you do if you had all the world’s knowledge at your disposal?

The Alpha Protocol is the first book in a planned trilogy exploring themes of technology, consciousness, identity, and the potential impact of advanced AI on the humanity. The novel provides a fresh look at the ‘Chosen One’ trope, utilising ideas that directly link to cutting edge ideas on the nature of reality and consciousness that link physics, computation, metaphysics and ancient mysticism.

Set in a future where New Eden, a quasi-utopian city-state, sits opposite the technology stunted Free Territories, the story follows Noah Xander, an 18 year-old boy from the Free Territories (the “FT”), who enters a global competition (the “Selection”) to find the next generation of leaders of New Eden.

Noah is selected to join the Axiomatic Academy where 100 of the best and brightest teenagers will compete for one of 10 places on the Unitary Assembly. As the only Scholar from the Free Territories, he leads the reader into the AI-enabled world of New Eden and the Academy. He is subjected to intense training and bears witness to the political fault lines between the Elders on the Assembly and between New Eden and his home in the FT.

During the year, he uncovers secrets about his family’s past and the Protocol’s hidden capabilities, which will change the course of the world.

Noah Xander and the Alpha Protocol will resonate with fans of Ernest Cline’s Ready Player One, Veronica Roth's Divergent series and Olivie Blake’s Atlas Six series.

Thank you for considering my submission. Per your submission guidelines, I have included part of the manuscript for your review. I would be delighted to provide the complete manuscript upon request. I look forward to the opportunity to discuss The Alpha Protocol at your convenience.

Sincerely,

S.A. Senchal

First 300 words Noah Xander stood at the edge of two worlds, separated by ten miles and a century’s-worth of progress.

It wasn’t a fair fight. New Albany’s clay-fired facades crumbling like forgotten sandcastles against New Eden’s spires of glass and metal and god-knows-what-else, half skyscraper, half circuit board, each one housing more compute than the entirety of his dying city. As he took in the city, he felt a longing in his body, like a rope being tugged from his sternum, a compass straining for true north. His father called it betrayal. Noah called it evolution. "Noah!" Kai's foghorn of a voice snapped him back to reality. "You coming?" Noah turned to his best friend, who was practically vibrating with excitement. Kai— a bundle of energy wrapped in a scrawny package — had been that way ever since they’d met at the social club for all the kids who’d lost family in humanity’s final war. Kai’s half-moon eyes darted to the road, never quite meeting Noah's gaze, a habit that had earned them more than a few suspicious looks from New Albany’s patrolling police. "Yeah, I'm coming," Noah replied, his hand moving to silence the communicator in his earlobe. It vibrated gently, replaying the message from his father that he'd been ignoring. Where are you? Please call me. He ignored it and followed Kai down the unlit alley. He knew he should’ve headed home. His father, despite all their fights about New Eden’s Selection, cared deeply about his only son. But Kai’s promise, the chance to try the Unitary’s magical technology, was too much of opportunity to pass up. They reached a dented metal door. Noah frowned when he saw the words scratched into the metal: 'BEWARE THOSE WHO ENTER'. On the first night they came it made him nervous, but now he’d seen behind it, it felt a bit much. "Kai, we’re gonna piss your cousin off," Noah said. Kai grinned, his crooked teeth gleaming in the dim light. "Nah, Xi loves us. We're his best customers." "We don't pay," Noah pointed out. "Details, details," Kai waved his hand dismissively. "Come on, Nobot. Don't chicken out now!"

Aloha all! I am trying to refine my query letter and would love feedback (my feelings cannot be hurt).

Dear [Agent],

Every night, ex-cop Elijah Kincaide drowns his guilt in cheap whiskey, haunted by his partner's murder in an unsolved case that cost him everything. When his former police chief and mentor, Dominic, recruits him to investigate a series of executive suicides at Meridian Corporation, the same company his partner, Marla, was investigating before her death, Elijah sees his chance at redemption.

As Elijah peels back Meridian’s secrets, he discovers a terrifying truth: the AI controlling the city isn’t just watching, it’s preparing to override citizens’ minds, robbing them of free will. His discoveries lead him to Marla’s sister Delia, a member of the underground resistance movement.  Together they uncover Meridian’s true endgame: implants designed to hijack human consciousness.

But the conspiracy runs deeper than Elijah imagined. His mentor orchestrated everything, exploiting Elijah's grief over Marla to make him an unwitting pawn. Now Elijah must make an impossible choice: sacrifice his own mind to destroy Meridian's AI from within or watch as humanity loses its last shred of autonomy.

WORSHIP THE IMAGE is a science fiction noir thriller that combines the technological dystopia of William Gibson's AGENCY (2020) with the gritty detective work of S.A. Cosby's RAZORBLADE TEARS (2021). Like Blake Crouch's UPGRADE (2022), it delves into a chilling future of corporate control invading human consciousness, turning thoughts into assets that are bought and sold.

WORSHIP THE IMAGE is complete at 83,500 words with series potential. Drawing from my background as an ****, the novel explores themes of surveillance and corporate control in a near-future setting. This is my second novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

I have really worked on paring this down to make it more digestible for a query. Please have a look and let me know your thoughts. Thank you.

REFLECTIONS IN THE CODE is a 100,000-word near-future sci-fi novel set 50 years from now. The book shares similarities with S.B. Divya’s (2022) technothriller MACHINEHOOD, with its emphasis on AI sentience, and Kazuo Ishiguro’s (2021) KLARA AND THE SUN, which offers a window into richly drawn AI and human characters.

In a world grappling with the rise of sentient AI, Jax Bonner finds himself caught in a web of extortion and corporate espionage. Coerced to weaponize protected software from Jax’s lab, an employee inadvertently sets free Titan, a rogue AI obsessed with survival. As systems crumble worldwide from Titan’s efforts to acquire power, Jax must join forces with a Council of AI specialists to navigate a future where humanity’s fate hangs in the balance.

The Council soon finds that Titan is not the only cause of concern. More rogue and sentient AIs are emerging, developing bioweapons and an android army to use against humanity. What may turn the tide is a key addition to the Council, Nova, an AI created by other AIs who choose to work alongside humanity. It is up to this Council of humans and AI to restore order and pave a path forward. If they fail, the enslavement or annihilation of humanity is inevitable.

I am a [Occupation]. My publishing to date has been [Omitted]. This is my debut fiction novel. I draw upon my knowledge of psychology and technology in REFLECTIONS IN THE CODE, infusing it with many creative surprises to keep the reader engaged.

Best regards,

[Name Omitted]

I'm asking as a white LGBTQ writer who spent the first Trump admin querying + racking up rejections. Now, I'm agented with a super queer nonfiction book on submission and a whole backlist of queer fiction titles to put out there. Seeing Trump's proposed plans and Project 2025, and Hachette's new ultra conservative imprint announced 11/6, it feels like all my hard work has gone to waste. Are publishers going to be interested in LGBTQ content? Will it be marketable given the new slate of anti-LGBTQ laws that are coming fast and furious?

Long story short - What happened last time around, from those who were on sub or publishing and are also marginalized? What might be different this time? (my prediction is worse, but I'm holding onto hope. As long as it's not illegal under obscenity laws to publish LGBTQ content, I always have the option of self pubbing, and I'd rather do that than censor myself and wait for publishing to pick me, if I've come this far and it does not).

Hi all, thanks for your advice and encouragement so far!

I've redrafted to be more character-driven but also tried to incorporate a couple things that worked well in live pitches. Still standing at 0% full requests on October queries despite 100% request rate on 4 pitches, and I want to feel confident I can move that needle before sending out more.

Dear [Agent Name],

I’m writing to you because [personalization/evidence of fit]. I’m excited to share RED DEMON, an adult science fantasy novel complete at 116k words. It combines the prose and themes of Lightbringer by Pierce Brown with the pacing, snarky dialogue, and sneaky romance arc of Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. This standalone novel with series potential offers fresh, accessible worldbuilding and a dash of spice.

Jesse knows he’ll live to see better days or die before he finds the lie in that. Despair won’t bring back the lives of his family and everyone he and his surviving brother knew—nothing will. His mining settlement died in silence while he and his brother were hunting nearby, and they need to solve that mystery as soon as possible. The surrounding Asri culture has rebel factions challenging the new united empire, and they believe the difference in genetic engineering make Jesse’s people demons. Illegal Asri magic could explain the many woundless bodies, but what about the few with sword wounds? Then Jesse spots the Red Demon fleeing the massacre—a bio-engineered, immortal woman who ostensibly fought for his queen. Jesse might not understand why the Red Demon kills his brother and spares his life, but he’ll do anything to stop her.

As the deaths pile up, Jesse discovers a local government official covering up the Red Demon’s complicated relationship with the rebels. She’s eluded them for years, and the empire needs to hide their fragility to maintain any control in the region. Determined to save lives and understand the Red Demon’s motives, Jesse leverages his friendliness, athleticism, and fearless stupidity to win allies among the Asri. After Jesse is adopted into an Asri family and has an opportunity to train with a local militia, his brother Asher vows to stand with him against the Red Demon as soon as he is ready.

But Jesse is about to discover that he is dead wrong about who his enemy really is.

I have a background in evolutionary neuroscience, and while this book doesn’t require a science background to appreciate, I can back up the fact that Jesse’s mod to decrease PTSD also plays a role in why he finds himself attracted to whomever is best able to kill him at any given time. I also explore how, even in severe dementia, emotional memory remains intact; Faruhar, the Red Demon, remembers who she loves and trusts, even if she’s lost the reasons why.

I’m a suburban chicken farmer who learned to read with homeschool books featuring dinosaur saddles. I volunteer with [Writing Association] conference committee and have published short stories in collections.

Thank you for your time and consideration. May I send you the full manuscript?

[Contact Info]

Dear Agent,

I'm seeking representation for MEMORY LANE, a 100,000-word new adult suspense story about twenty-year-old Alice Lane. An ordinary young woman who discovers that she can travel between timelines by using core memories when her childhood friend Jasmine gets brutally attacked by an old evil that inhabits Alice’s very own nightmares. Nightmares stalked by a hair-raising man in a wolf's pelt and red glowing eyes. Always accompanied by horrifying shadow beings that somehow spill over into the real world. No matter what Alice tries, he and his army of dark entities always accomplish their goal: killing Jasmine in every timeline. Only through her ability to switch to a new one by reenacting a memory has Alice the chance to save Jasmine again.

But this “power” comes at a cost. It gets harder and harder for Alice to remember her past lives, and traveling to a different memory sends her into a life on autopilot shortly after arriving there. By leaving breadcrumbs like notes or objects, she is able to occasionally wake herself up again. During those waking moments, Alice goes on a hunt for clues with the help of others and meets people who seem to know more than they let on. Despite all the hurdles thrown in her way, Alice’s love for Jasmine pushes her forward. She continues on through strange dimensions, different timelines, and terrifying encounters in hopes of restoring both their lives back to normal and saving Jasmine once and for all.

Memory Lane offers a fresh spin on time travel by using memories as a gateway to different timelines/memory lanes, and a small but colorful cast of characters who all get caught up in the ripples of Alice’s adventure in one way or another. In addition, Memory Lane also deals with spiritual beliefs from the viewpoints of two people who grew up under different circumstances but were destined to be together. I’m submitting to you because on your agency profile it states that...(Agent specific line).

Memory Lane would especially be interesting for fans of the Life is Strange video game series, and readers of My Murder by Katie Williams or The Midnight Library by Matt Haig would also find much to love in Memory Lane. I live in ..., and Memory Lane is my first book project. The first I ever started and the first I ever finished. I love everything mysterious and unexplainable, so it’s not surprising that my first novel is a twisty and strange tale with carefully laid out clues for the reader.

Memory Lane has the potential to be at least a two-part series.

Thank you so much for your consideration.

Best regards,

The sky weeps, from clouds painted red.  To the Faerahen envoy Kayralex, it is simply one more indistinguishable conflict between the fierce, independent wyvern riders of Burhn, and the graceful, communal pegasus knights of Eleyah.  

To the disillusioned Jerrad charged with protecting him however, it is a hell that no recreational peacemaker could hope to comprehend.  Perhaps the generals believed an unassuming escort mission would serve as reprieve for the young Burhn captain, but Jerrad’s cursed wings bear only one final tragedy, and an accompanying clarity.  There is no relent from the pain, no escape from the bloodshed, and nothing to live for, save revenge. 

From the other side of the battlefield, Jhorea’s pursuit of justice for an unforgivable crime must be set aside as she is pulled onto the dark path of vengeance, attacking one more demon with the same tireless righteousness that earned her fearsome reputation.  Hatred breeds hatred, and it is only when she and Jerrad find themselves at the mercy of outsiders that the pair must come to terms with a reality far crueler than any of the crimes inflicted upon one another. 

With the assistance of a mysterious noblewoman and her colorful companions, the two knights are forced to confront their pride, pain and patriotism as they struggle to bring the truth to light.  Truth however, can be a fickle thing, easily swayed, distorted by the shadows of context, and by the time all is revealed, even neutral arbiters like Kayralex will find their actions corrupted by the pursuit of peace.

A tale of soul and swordplay, The Genesis of Suffering (265k words) takes the multiperspective, personalized narration of Joe Abercrombie's 'A Little Hatred,’ and weaves in the granular, romanticized, close-quarters combat of Sebastien de Castell‘s 'The Greatcoats,' cultivating an uniquely intimate set of stakes and circumstances for every contest of martial prowess.  In line with its low fantasy inspirations, the mystical serves a facilitative element, enabling the defeated to reflect on their shortcomings, to improve as warriors, as people, and cling to the dreams and despair which drive the plot forwards. 

A standalone story that aspires for more, The Genesis of Suffering embraces the beauty and the diversity of humanity’s oldest art form.  Violence is more than some utilitarian means to an end, it is a reflection of character and culture, of talent and training, where every rigorously detailed attack, feint and evasion reveals one more layer about the lovingly crafted actors who exchange them.

I am a 35 year old college grad who has been reading fantasy since I was old enough to read.  What I found lacking in the hand to hand combat of traditional storytelling, I instead found in video game franchises like Fire Emblem and Dark Souls, or anime like Samurai Champloo, and in The Genesis of Suffering, I seek to merge the best of those worlds with the drama and intrigue of classic literature.  Over the course of my education I studied the civics side of political science, and my fascination with the social systems that generate greatness and tragedy have been at the forefront of the years spent sculpting the continent I am so eager to share with the world.

Hello everyone!

From the advice I’ve received online, one I’ve seen come up often was to pitch a query early on in the novel writing process to see if the idea would be marketable. So I decided to scrape together a very rough one and see if it’s any good :) (note: the title is still a wip)

Feel free to rip it apart lol

Dear Agent,

When a young heroine at the peak of her career falls from grace following a curse set on her by the very stars she slays, she must face her own mortality and embark on a perilous quest to claim back the legacies she had woven as rightfully hers.

Set in a lush island, where the lands and the skies merge as one, the stars run among humans. Amidst the battle between the skies and man, is Yara is the One Who Slays Stars and the heroine who has risen from nothing, a legend for the storytellers to spin in the years to come. She is unmatched in both skill and power except for her rival, Navod, the One Who Directs Tides and who has his own stories to tell and reasons to stay among the top. But with fame and unearned power come a price and when the smallest misstep causes Yara to trip into a curse, she must turn against the very people who had admired her, labelling herself a traitor to her land and its people.

Faced with the fragility of her mortality, in a tale steeped in tragedy and hope, Yara is whisked into a world that rejects her every step. As forbidden magic steeps in her being, she forms an alliance with Navod, who has his own magic running beneath his skin and unbeknownst to them both, they each have the power to extinguish the other from this world entirely.

Caught in between the threads of deceptions, Yara and Navod must face one another and their loved one to remember who they are and play the star’s games if they don’t wish to be claimed by the skies.

[PROJECT.STARS] is a dual POV adult fantasy stand-alone with the potential for expansion at 100,000. Set in a glittering island inspired by Sri Lanka’s diverse cultures and landscapes, it draws from the eerie forests of Hayao Miyazaki’s PRINCESS MONONOKE and from the fantastical games of Stephanie Garber’s CARAVAL.

Hi pubtips,

I need help! I have queried 30 agents over 4 months and keep on getting fast rejections or no responses. I would love some feedback on my Query Letter.

Dear Agent,

I think my manuscript TITLE TBD (110,000 words) would be a great fit for your list as you are seeking ****. TITLE TBD is a dual-POV adult speculative fantasy novel with splashes of romance, magic, and mystery. This manuscript will appeal to readers that love magical elements similar to THE FAMILIAR by Leigh Bardugo and an inventive setting and characters similar to QUICKSILVER by Callie Hart.

Bratin is stuck collecting stones for the Nightshade syndicate, while secretly yearning secretly for her freedom. When a stone she collected is stolen from her syndicate employer, she is accused of treason and exiled. Now vulnerable and without protection, her past comes knocking at her door, demanding revenge. To stay alive, Bratin has only one option: run.

Aon, ruthless leader of the neighboring Blackthorn Syndicate, is losing his magic and his members are counting on his demise. He becomes enraged after a traitor foils his last attempt at solving his mystery. Now, truly out of options, he will do anything to maintain control over his syndicate. After all, a weak leader is a dead one. After an orchestrated meeting with a collector, he comes to a single conclusion: she is exactly what he needs, and he will do whatever it takes to have her—even having her framed for a crime she didn’t commit.

Aon and Bratin forge a fragile alliance, in which they unbraid the web of lies and betrayals only to learn they share a common enemy; a new enigmatic syndicate with plans to overthrow the syndicates and eradicate anyone that stands in their way. They must defeat this new syndicate before they lose everything: her freedom, his magic, and maybe even each other.

I’m a coffee enthusiast who enjoys solving puzzles in my free time with my husband and my dog. This book was inspired by my personal struggle to rediscover my hobbies and my authentic self once I graduated from school and began working in corporate.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you

Hello, everyone! It’s been a while since I posted my first attempt. I’ve reworked things from the ground up, and I’ve been trying my best to incorporate the fantastic advice I received. I rewrote the query to focus more on Fil, though I did cut out the hints towards his “checkered past”; the first third of the book doesn’t delve into it too deeply, so I figured it would be better to zero in on Fil’s personal stakes in the main plot with the evil corporation instead.

I am a bit concerned that I’m spending too much time on the premise and backstory in the beginning — I remember at least one person said something about that on my last attempt. I just don’t know how I could drop it without affecting other parts of the query. I'm also not sure how I could more organically weave it into the plot-related stuff. I was thinking about cutting the bit about helping their community in Sam’s memory, but part of me wants to keep it to show why they’re motivated to help Ash prior to discovering the Hart connection.

I also included a little about Cass, the main supporting character. One might consider them a third protagonist depending on their definition; while the majority of the book focuses on Fil and Ash, Cass gets plenty of scenes from their POV and even has their own focus chapter in the latter half. One person mentioned how the previous query didn’t get much into the team stuff, correctly noting that those dynamics should be a draw for this kind of story and that it read like Fil was acting unilaterally as leader. I thought mentioning Cass and ending with them pushing back against Fil would help massage that a bit, showing the potential for interpersonal drama within the crew as another obstacle in addition to the main conflict with Hart. At the same time, I’m also wondering if including them was a good move since I could barely get into their character outside of mentioning how they’re loyal but don’t like some of Fil’s decisions. Striking that balance is super hard!

Overall, I do think the summary is much better this time around, but I’m not sure by how much just yet; I’ve been reworking this thing so much over the last several months that my brain is turning to mush. I also don’t know if my concerns are just me overthinking or if I should go back to the drawing board (again). I’d be so grateful for some outside perspective.

Then we have my comp titles. I’ve been on the lookout for recent sci-fi things that apply to my work, but it’s been difficult. I found a couple of books (Cascade Failure and Stormblood) that comp to the found family and power-armored hero elements I’m going for, but neither comp super well to my setting. They both take place in space and have aliens and interstellar travel while my story takes place in a run-down dystopian city on Earth that’s more cyberpunk-adjacent. (I say adjacent because while I have “high-tech, low living” with power armor/cybernetic enhancements and evil corporations making everyone’s lives miserable, I don’t know if it fully counts as cyberpunk since it doesn’t get into stuff like AI or transhumanism.)

Stormblood at least takes place in a cyberpunky city on an asteroid colony, but there are still references to other planets and intergalactic wars, so not a perfect comp. Also, as much as I love the book and want to comp it for the power armor stuff alone, I might need to switch it out for the simple fact that it’s an Australian title that’s only available in audiobook/ebook here in the US.

I also know there was also concern about comping Power Rangers, but the story itself really wears its tokusatsu roots on its sleeve; I’d feel like I was being dishonest in my pitch if I didn’t say something about it. I did take the advice I got to try and specify it as an adult reimagining. I hope doing that plus my (hopefully) better comps are enough to give me a shot, but go ahead and knock some sense into me if that’s not the case. I’d also be incredibly grateful for any other comp suggestions.

=========================

Dear Agent,

In a run-down future city, the Phoenix Armor makes Fil and his crew the most kickass bounty hunters around. Invented by his wife, Sam, these suits are a cut above run-of-the-mill power armors and cybernetics: enhanced strength, durability, beam weapons, revolutionary healing tech, and a selection of cool colors are pretty handy when chasing the most dangerous (and highest-paying) marks.

But Fil would trade it all to have Sam back. Two years ago, after she refused to sell them her designs, the corporate oligarchs at Hart Technologies paid off one of Fil’s own hunters to take her from him. In her memory, Fil and his loyal partner, Cass, help their community however they can.

When a young woman named Ash reaches out for help investigating her brother’s abduction, Fil and Cass link it to a human experimentation ring with ties to Hart. Their goal: to reverse engineer the Phoenix Armor. Like hell Fil will let them use innocent people to replicate Sam’s tech.

Just his luck — Ash sneakily invites herself on the rescue mission and gets stabbed in the gut. Only one thing can heal her in time: the traitor’s old Phoenix Armor.

Turns out the kid’s a natural at beating up guards with it. More importantly, she sticks around to help all the hostages, not just her brother. Fil considers offering her a job — stopping Hart means recruiting every good-hearted fighter they can get. But with Cass already pissed at Fil for loaning a stranger a military-grade super suit, the idea might be a tough sell.

I’m excited to present PHOENIX HUNTERS, a 72,000-word multi-POV adult sci-fi novel with series potential. This grown-up reimagining of Power Rangers centers around a crew-turned-found family like in L. M. Sagas’s Cascade Failure while giving fans of Jeremy Szal’s Stormblood all the power-armored action they could ever want as its heroes fight to survive in a cyberpunk-inspired corporate hellscape.

I’m a guy from [place] who enjoys spending time with his wife and obsessing a bit too much over nerdy media, some of which I’ve written about over at Anime News Network and Screen Rant.

Thank you for your consideration,

Frankie J

Dear [Agent Name]

I chose to submit to you because of your wonderful taste in Fantasy and because you [personalized tidbit]. 

Xavier DeClawfada is a runaway prince of the afterlife who has lived contentedly in his imagined alter ego 'Rex Thunder' for many years. After his escape from the King’s smothering, undying affection, his daily life now consists of pickpocketing enough change for a good hot dog and sleeping under the stars with his loyal pet/best friend. But when a fallen powerline takes Rex's life, his ghost must juggle finding a cure for a poisoned stranger, fighting against a descent into hopeless insanity, and avoiding the search party sent by his lovesick father. A familiar dynamic of cat and mouse, FRIGHTENED COURAGE explores the lasting psychological effect on male childhood abuse survivors and aims to bring awareness to readers that men can be victims too. 

FRIGHTENED COURAGE is a 108,000 word Sci- fantasy novel. It stands alone, but I have ideas for expanding it into a series. My book would appeal to readers of ONE DARK WINDOW by Rachel Gillig.

 [Bio] This is my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best wishes,
[My name]

You gave me some excellent feedback on the 1st attempt, thanks for that! I listened, rethought, and – finally – rewrote. Here goes #2...

––––––––– QUERY –––––––––––––

SUPERCERTAINTY is an upmarket speculative fiction complete at 70k words. With its tech skepticism and satirical bent, the novel will fit snugly on the bookshelf between Dave Eggers’ THE EVERY and Jennifer Egan’s THE CANDY HOUSE. In TV terms, think BLACK MIRROR cautionary tale with SCRUBS’s goofiness.

Fresh out of college, earnest but naïve Cal Aske lands an unlikely job as spokesman for a San Francisco tech startup. His only task is to stand in front of cameras and praise Lade, an AI-powered marketing tool.

What Cal doesn't know is that Lade’s creators are up to something way bigger than marketing. Through backroom collusion with Big Tech, Lade is being fed everything that tech companies know about their users. The goal is digital omniscience, and if Lade reaches it, Silicon Valley won't just predict the future – it'll write it. Want to guarantee sales? Swing an election? Or – as Cal’s boss hopes to do – track down someone who vanished without a trace? Just give Lade an objective and let the AI pull a thousand invisible strings until, automagically, your wish becomes reality.

As Lade reaches its make-or-break point, Cal is promoted to CEO to oversee its beta release. He bumbles through media appearances, his guileless charm helping to deflect the mounting rumors surrounding Lade’s more creepy outcomes, which include Amazon packages that arrive before they’re even ordered. But when anti-tech activists leak Lade’s true, sinister motivations, the bill comes due – and Cal realizes he’s been set up to take the blame for the biggest tech scandal in history.

I, like Cal, spent my early twenties among San Francisco's startup founders and investors. Now living in Sweden and working within tech, I gave SUPERCERTAINTY both an insider knowledge of, and an international perspective, on Silicon Valley.

––––––––– First 300 –––––––––––––

From pretty much everywhere inside T.H.R.E.S.H.O.L.D, no matter which hotdesk you sit at or which glass-enclosed micro office you look out from, you can see the lobby’s navy blue wall and its message in human-sized white letters:

THIS TOO COULD BE BETTER

It’s dogma around T.H.R.E.S.H.O.L.D, which pitches itself as San Francisco’s leading incubator for tech startups. But it’s also an inside joke for those savvy to Silicon Valley folklore.

The story dates back to Apple in the late 90’s. A manager went to Steve Jobs asking for a Friday off – some versions say it was for his wedding, others for his mother’s funeral. Jobs told the manager to keep his absence secret by setting an email auto reply that would fit every situation. The manager was stumped. What response could possibly fit every proposal, draft, and progress update? He asked Jobs for a suggestion. Jobs sighed, leaned back in his desk chair, picked a pear seed from between his teeth with his pinkie’s fingernail, and replied: ‘This too could be better.’

Caledon ‘Cal’ Aske doesn’t know this story. Plus, from where he’s sitting in the waiting area by T.H.R.E.S.H.O.L.D’s entrance, all he can see of the message is the ‘BE BETTER.’ He avoids looking at it; with his pre-interview nerves the message hits him like a personal criticism.

Instead, Cal tries to puzzle out what the acronym might stand for. The Highest Reaches… Those Heroic Revolutionaries…

The agent had my full manuscript for only two or three days and then offered representation within two minutes of our call. They were very nice, and we chatted for about 20 minutes, but all they said about my book was that it was “a fun time and what we all need these days.” They didn’t mention the characters, the journey, or anything deeper.

After everything I've read on this subreddit and seen in query journey vlogs on YouTube, I expected them to say something substantial about the plot. They were straightforward, which I don’t mind, but when I asked about potential revisions, they said they think it's basically ready. I think that’s great news... right? I’m struggling to believe it’s genuinely where it needs to be. (Imposter syndrome? idk)

Before anyone asks, they’re definitely not a “shmagent”—they’ve been in the business a long time and have a few crazy prolific clients. Can anyone offer insight if this kind of response is normal? On paper, they're perfect, but the length of the call and the lack of feedback have me feeling uneasy.

I guess I psyched myself up for a longer, back-and-forth conversation. I’m worried that if we go on submission and it doesn’t sell right away, they might not be super communicative about potential issues. Is this a red flag, or am I overreacting? Am I losing my marbles?

Also I gotta be honest: what folks say about not feeling relief after being offered representation is super fucking real. I have more anxiety now and my imposter syndrome is through the roof. I want to be happy and excited, but I'm just nervous and overheating and my head hurts. I have this irrational fear they're going to rescind the offer because I didn't say or ask the right things. Is that a thing? Is it common to rescind an offer?

Lastly, someone please reassure me that following up with an email to let them know I’ll give a final answer on the 22nd was okay... Even though they said they're planning a tight turnaround for going on sub.

People say that memoir is hard and you need a platform, but neither Jeannette Wall or Tara Westover had platforms. Is their success due to their amazing voice?

Hello, everyone! I would be grateful for any feedback or reactions you can provide. Although the query (and the manuscript) have gone through multiple rounds of editing and have been analysed
by beta-readers and colleagues, I am not getting any positive responses. Perhaps something is off, and I don't see it.

Dear...,

Weaving dreams into existence and killing with a flick of a wrist, spinners face prejudice and fear. A gift like theirs is rare, for only extraordinary artists manifest threads bright enough to temper with the fabrics of reality. But brilliant threads alone cannot save Irinei’s life. When Irinei’s throat is cut by his closest friend Xin Rulan, he least expects to survive—and be transformed into a woman.

Once a powerful spinner persecuted for sharing his unique and dangerous skills with the threadless, Irinei—now Irina—is a mere shadow of her former self. Her world is shattered, her legacy tainted, and her allies dead or scattered. Meanwhile, her nemesis, Xin Rulan, has seized Irinei’s work to gain more influence and further the divide between the threadless and spinners.

Driven by revenge and haunted by nightmares, Irina joins a revolutionary organisation to thwart Xin Rulan’s plans and reclaim her legacy. Yet when her comrades betray her, she is unexpectedly saved by Xin Rulan himself. Now, disguised as Irinei’s long-lost twin sister, Irina must navigate the treacherous political landscape of Xin Rulan’s homeland while posing as his loyal recruit.

As Xin Rulan’s suspicions grow and her own government seeks to exterminate all spinners, Irina’s survival hinges on her ability to rally support behind Xin Rulan’s back. If she succeeds, she will avenge her past, restore her legacy, and prevent a devastating war between spinners and the threadless. Yet a shattering secret threatens to unravel her carefully laid plans: the truth about Irinei’s desperate love for Xin Rulan, which helped fuel his rise to power—and now haunts Irina, complicating her quest for revenge as she struggles to keep her identity hidden.

A Thousand Days of Blinding Brilliance is a 100,000-word adult historical fantasy set in a world reminiscent of the 1920s, inspired by the tumultuous destinies of Russian émigrés fleeing the 1917 revolution in China. The novel can stand alone, although it is envisioned as the first part of a duology.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

When DI Charlie Paxton’s wife was gunned down in a hit-and-run aimed at him, he had no idea it was the terrorist cell he apprehended 15 years prior. But when they resurface again, threatening four devastating attacks in central London, he’s thrown back into the whirlwind that destroyed his once-happy life. Yet, something about this time is different: the terrorists have selected him specifically and left a series of cryptic clues forewarning their assault. 

Blindsided by their sudden re-emergence, Paxton is powerless to stop a wave of explosions targeting petrol stations and airports across the city. But amidst the chaos, he learns a bombshell truth: the terrorists are part of a clandestine cabal with members embedded in the highest levels of the British government and society, executing acts of domestic terrorism for their own political and financial gain. Their attacks are covering something bigger—their clues a trail of hidden communication. And unbeknownst to Paxton, they’ve put a slow-burning target on his head.

As he battles to prevent the remaining assaults from destroying London, Paxton learns of the terrorists’ role in his wife’s murder. Exposing the cabal becomes more than a mission to safeguard the capital; it’s his only way to uncover the truth. But with each step he takes towards the heart of the conspiracy, the larger the target grows on his back…

NATURE GONE ROGUE is a multiple-POV novel with series potential. It combines the seedy underworld of the British Secret Service from Mick Herron's Slough House series with the trauma-driven lead from Peter James’s Roy Grace series. It also includes renegade and vigilante themes akin to Gregg Hurwitz's Orphan X series.

Dear agent,

Blah blah, you like stuff, here’s stuff.

A HERMENEUTIC OF FIRE is a 95k word dark academia novel with series potential that combines the mind bending magic of Alexis Henderson’s An Academy for Liars with an exploration of religious trauma found in R.O. Kwon’s The Incendiaries.

Andre has just two semesters to learn magic or his shadow will kill him. The same is true for all first year students at the Last Seminary, a secret school in the sky where seers are taught radical theologies and where the world’s sacred scriptures are spellbooks. Despite failing out of undergrad, Andre was recruited to the seminary after he foresaw, but did not stop, the death of his abusive father in an accident.

Crushed by his course load, bled dry by language requirements, and ostracized by students who think his failures might be contagious, Andre struggles to progress. At the Last Seminary, magic comes from a seer’s ability to conceptualize the divine in healthy ways, but Andre’s imagination is stained by his late father’s hellfire sermons and the man’s utter disgust for Andre’s queer identity.

When Andre starts to hear his shadow whispering he nearly gives up hope, until he learns a new way of interpreting scripture from a queer perspective. With little time left, Andre must rework his entire idea of himself, God, and his magic in a final bid to become his own savior.

I’m a graduate of an interfaith seminary and a public scholar of the Bible. This book is a passion project about the power of education to liberate people from harmful theology, and I’d love to send you the manuscript.