Hi. Doug Harland here. (coughing) I'll...cut to the chase. Ever since "the incident", we- (coughing). Ugh! Sorry. Ever since the "you know what", the repository's...well...it's seen better days. I'm broke- (coughing) GOD. Anyway, you might know me way back when from here, long story short, "flash sale". Since I don't have an actual building now...I'm a one-man vendor over at Warren's digs- (coughing) Help a guy out, will ya? Flash sale. Honor system. Wooden box. Money in the box. Take a pitchfork- (coughing)

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|[X]/[X]/[X]|E

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~o-o~o-o~o{&

Looking for a rocket-propelled pitchfork with port and starboard attachments and safe return functionality, offering 3500 Shmeckles.

Ǝ==========E

===——————===<—— It’s weighted on both sides, with a single sharp tip perfect for piercing shields and such

300 Shemeckles for 2, 400 for 3

I’m new here, so I don’t quite know where to get a lot of them (100~500). I’ll take any kind of pitchfork, I just need a lot!

---<[=

I've got a few more in stock. First come, first served.

I need a pitchfork that will endure 300 days of sunshine in San Diego yet will stay sturdy for when we underachieve. I also need a pitchfork which Wil Myers, our supreme overlord will approve of.

Any pointers would be amazing. Happy to negotiate but must be willing to take the San Diego Discount©️

——E

No underbids, I know what I’ve got.

This is my pitchfork. There are many others like it, but this one is mine. My pitchfork is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my pitchfork is useless. Without my pitchfork, I am useless. I must use my pitchfork true. I must work more efficiently than my opponent, who is trying to outperform me. I must outwork him before he outperforms me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my pitchfork and myself are defenders of my land, we are the masters of our tasks, we are the saviors of my livelihood. So be it, until there is no rival, but harmony. Amen.

With the recent influx of spam posts in this sub, I think the time is right to introduce these bad boys to the public.

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I present the Divisor's Edge. This fork comes standard with a leather wrapped handle for better grip, chromed tines and butt spike on a solid poplar stave. Colors vary.

I've been making these for a few years now without selling, and I've built up a sizeable stockpile.

For the next 12 hours, and while supplies last, I'm giving 100 of these away for FREE. There are no strings attached to this deal, but it is "First come, first served," so get down here and grab one while supplies last.

I'm not gonna be around to serve all comers, so just grab one from the pile out front. Honor system, one per taker.

I’m looking for a pitchfork that can assist in overthrowing the ruling class, but is affordable for the working class. My personal price range is 75 to 150 schmeckles, but anything cheaper is great for those who are just making ends meet.

TL;DR I need a reliable pitchfork

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Good afternoon fellow homicidal friends. There's a case being up over in /r/KarmaCourt against Reddit admins. Needles to say, we need some help in the executions department to make sure fair, balanced but SWIFT justice is carried out before any chances of appeals arise.

So, what say ya? Grab a free state-of-art pitchfork to sample? It's going to look like the Kool-Aid Man exploded in there (at least that's the goal) :)

If they get rid of 3rd party apps then I go as well so might as well go out with a clearance sale!

#ANGRY AT REDDIT 

WANT TO JOIN THE MOB? I'VE GOT YOU COVERED!

#COME ON DOWN TO /r/pitchforkemporium

I GOT 'EM ALL!

NEW IN STOCK. DIRECTLY FROM LIECHTENSTEIN. EUROPEAN MODELS!

#HAPPY LYNCHING!

^(* some assembly required)

#AND FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY WE HAVE 3RD PARTY FORKS

^(offer only available until July 1st)

3-----

Last three of their kind ever made, recently unearthed in Ancient Forchettia. The seafork is infused with the scent (and power) of the ocean.

7 schm. OBO.

Act fast, these forks are HOT!

———🌊———E

Ahoy, it's Doug Harland from the now-defunct Doug Harland's Pitchfork Repository (you might remember us from this post.). After our indefinite liquidation sale at the hands of...well, I don't need to get into specifics, I'm here to finally clear up what happens behind the doors of the repository, ask me anything!

3-29-23 EDIT: AMA never closes, just like the black hole that appeared out of nowhere on the basement floor. I feel sorry for the poor suckers who have to deal with that, not my building anymore!

looking for a pitchfork to lynch against jagex and their overlord the carlyle group for their greed