Hi. It's me, Doug Harland from Doug Harland's Pitchfork Repository. You might recognize me from here or here as "The Pitchfork-Selling Guy" or something. I don't know what they call me nowadays - don't keep up with PR as well as I used to. Stumbled upon this "Ladder Emporium" thing and was surprised to see that it exists in the first place, so, capitalism does what capitalism does best; I'm buying you freaks out of business. No need to panic. Refunds will be issued on a case-by-case basis. I'm still trying to work around that weird "Ladder Taxation Bill", for entirely legal purposes.

In any case, you're welcome.

Two years ago I asked to buy as many Minecraft ladders as I could with $584, but u/twicedouble never responded. I was holding out hope that some day he would reply, but he never did. Today is the day that he gets what's coming to him. Someone at the pitchfork emporium gave me a torch pitchfork for free, and I am not afraid to use it. He could have made a huge profit if he'd made that sale, but he ghosted me, and now he's going to become a ghost. ——-|🔥

Got any in stock?

I have 64 emeralds, 2 gold ingots, 11 iron ingots, 6 diamonds, and one lapis lazuli from a Minecraft map based on Ocarina of Time. That adds up to 584 Zelda Rupees, or $584. How many Minecraft ladders can I buy with that?

I need it for like ten minutes. And a hand cart.

I’ve caught this hot elf glancing at me on my guilds bar night, I need a little boost to go up to her.

My budget as of right now is 3 gold and 12 copper but I might return in the future if I’m satisfied

I ordered a tiny novelty ladder during a Karma Kourt Kase, but never received said ladder, and the listing has disappeared! If I am not compensated in another ladder or hard boiled souls, I will have no choice other than to leave a bad Laddereview. >:(

gimme gimme

Hello! I was wondering if you had any retractable ladders that would be easy for transportation. I’m doing some work on the go and a normal sized ladder isn’t very easy to transport using the methods I have at my disposal.

Thank you, Waltor Daquan

But how much can you offer me?

What is the commission cost in hard boiled eggs for a custom keychain ladder made of carbon fiber and titanium? I recently inherited 12,000 hard boiled eggs and I will be cooking some more tomorrow. Thank you

I’m a simple man with complicated needs. The only thing I can offer is a good home for the ladder.

I'm willing to pay 87 denarrii and a goat

Check out r/justiceemporium! It’s a new law firm for speeding up and closing trials. Read the pinned post for a broad idea of what we do!

Can I reserve one of the death ladders in the next shipment? Thanks!

thanks

I am interested in purchasing one of your pitchfork brand ladders. How tall are these ladders and what material are they made of?

We have two new items available for purchase!

The pitchfork holster is perfect for those rioting on high. This holster fits every ladder perfectly with an adjustable leather strap and a zebra skin pouch. $15 each.

We also have the Pitchfork brand ladder. This is a regular a-frame ladder with a built in pitchfork holster, perfect for the sky rioter who wants to be sure his pitchfork is secure! $50 each.

Supplies are limited but we will reorder when we can!

Hey, I noticed you reached out to me when I posted about buying ladders. Given this store's professionalism, I am inclined to buy more than I usually would. I am in fact, a ladders collecter.

I'll have 3 off your novelty ladders.

1 of your step step ladders

2 of your A-frame ladders ladders

The remaining 2 of your Giant fire truck-like ladders

and your only Pair of heels that have ladders for the heels.

I believe that totals to 339$

I would like to pay with 8 LD's (Ladder tokens) which the ladder association uses and no doubt your esteemed store is a part of.

Hi I’d really like a ladder

Here is a list of our wares. I will come back and update as stock is depleted and replaced.

Make a new post (if you just comment on another already established post, I might not see the order unless you tag me) if you’d like to order or have any questions. If we don’t have the kind of ladder you need, we will do everything within our power to get it to you. We accept all forms of currency except drachma and souls.

Thank you for choosing Ladder Emporium!