I might be wrong but this is my understanding of a Pick Me.

A Pick Me is a woman who craves approval and attention from men, and in the process belittles, undermines and demeans other women.

A woman can like sport, cars, gaming, beer and have a best friend at work who is a guy and still show empathy and respect to other women. Therefore they are not Pick Me.

I am happy to be corrected if I have misunderstood the definition of Pick Me.

Honestly this has brought me a lot of peace and self confidence that I didn't think it would. Its weird to be an adult and find this out, but its like sped up my frontal love development. Anyone else??

I will admit the "notlikeothergirls" girls don't feel like they fit in and may even get bullied and this community can be another way to bullying them. HOWEVER, when I was a young girl who didn't feel like she fit in, can you guys guess who bullied me? The aggressive "pick me" girls. I also didn't feel like the other girls (obviously because I had ADHD and first generation immigrant parents) and yet I was not bullied by normal girls. I was just ignored by them. Instead I was bullied by the very angry "pick me" girls. Have any of you had the same experience?

Edit: I remember telling one of my bullies I was unique to justify how weird I was and she was like "you're not unique, you're an ogre. I'm actually unique because I wear interesting jewelry." Lol

Edit 2: I'm only bringing this up because I've been seeing many posts about how mean this community is and blah blah. Tbh sometimes you need a wake up call to know how cringe taking on this identity is. It sucks when it hits you like a ton of bricks, but maybe if you didn't bully the gentler "notlikeothergirls" you would've had more allies.

I am not like other girls because I

1. Use remedys from tik tok
2. Have twelve children from the same husband
3. Have a name with elements no other basic girl has
4. Don't care about how my dress looks
5. Stay home and care for my thirteen kids
6. Homeschool my fourteen kids
7. Spend adequate time with my husband
8. Use words that add to my extravagant personality

Leave your thoughts in the comments

For a while I have felt there's something that doesn't feel... right about the pick me label. I will try to articulate...

It feels like built in to this insult is this notion that you should be in a relationship. But you are not, therefore something must be wrong with you.

"Why haven't YOU been picked, all of us have!"

Moreover, you should not be TRYING to get picked. You should naturally be picked by a guy. But since you haven't and you're trying, we at the cool-kids table are going to call it out and embarrass you.

"Everyone look at her! She's actually trying to be picked. Talk about desperate!"

It has a very "mean girls"/bullying vibe to it.

Now I know that this insult is SUPPOSED to be reserved for women who put other women down, but let's be real - that's not always how it's used. Oftentimes I see a post and the target hasn't even mentioned any other women.

Anyways these are my thoughts on the matter, I'm curious if anyone else has similar thoughts.

On one hand,I feel bad for them and try not to go too hard on them.

On the other hand,there are some that just go too far and make fun of others.

P.S.I'm also a little worried,that due to this,I'd be considered a pick me.Ive made similar posts on reddit for months,and I just want to enjoy the things I like,because it feels like I need to act or do a certain thing.

I love my family members unconditionally and will always support them, but if they behave like jerks I will call them out on it.

I was having drinks with my sister and some other women. There was one lady in the group who is a single mother and I think wants to date. My sister is back on dating scene so I think this lady is a drinking buddy.

This woman came in a fitted outfit with skinny jeans. My sister is all about fashion. My sister was tearing her outfit apart saying she looked like TK Maxx bargain bin and that guys would not want to settle with her as she comes across as very needy and unstable.

I saw this trying to hold back tears so I jumped in and told my sister to stop being so harsh and rude.

The lady started crying. I went for a walk with her and she told me how daunting it is trying to date again. This lady said she did not expect support from me based on my sister. I told her it was unfair and rude on my sister part.

I love my sister but I felt I had to correct her rude, nasty, pick me behavior.

https://preview.redd.it/mbig4qb6ljyd1.jpg?width=986&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1e2f37a9031a4082d303258917c7e4babef9f4cc

ok so when i was in 7th grade (the most dramatic school yr ofc) i had a bestfriend. i now realize how pick me she was, like she used to say "i got second highest marks bc i didnt study, i'd get first if i wanted to" or "all these girls like to copy me" "all the guys want me, i dont even try" "i'm nlog, i dont wear makeup" etc etc you can get the idea.

but i could see how much she tried. she tried to be the unique one so baddd. and i was slowly turning into her. she always compared herself with me. i got so insecure abt everything and i tried to hide them. and this is how i became "no i'm not sad, being sad means being pathetic. i'm too perfect for being pathetic." lol.

but if i think abt her, i think it was her mom. she (m) used to put pressure on her (b) too much. like she (b) just HAS to be the number one out there. maybe this is what made her a pick me and competitive.

thank god i slowly moved away from her, but i still got an affect on me. real question is, is this how this cycle starts? like for everyone?

EDIT: Thank you all for answering, I think I'll just let her be for the time being, and help her when/if she asks for help. Again, thank you! All the comments really helped put it into perspective lol

Posting on an alt. Me and my girlfriend were talking the other day, and while I've had suspicion on it for a while, it was confirmed the other day with a lot of things she said, specifically about how when something she likes gets popular, she doesn't like it anymore, and her use of the word "basic" and similar things. What should I do? We're both 17, and I don't really know what to do. I love her, and I wanna be with her, but it frustrates me a little, if that makes sense.

Ok so for a good 15 years I've always been good enough to want and never good enough to have. Since I was 5 I've been used by men and boys I've always just been there and easy to take advantage of, so at what point do I become the wanted instead of the had

Posting cus I'm not sure of this is me being "not like other girls" or if I'm calling women out for being "judgy". So basically on tiktok, a lot of girls are talking about how much they hate "concept costumes" which i think an example is just wearing a short dress with cat ears and saying "I'm a cat, duh" and stuff like matching where they all wear dresses in the colors of mario princesses and crowns. In all honesty I never had anything against these costumes because I just thought, "It's just people having fun", but tiktok has other ideas. They say it's "lazy" and "uncreative" and "*gly" and a lot of people are saying that the girls who wear these costumes are slvts. In all honesty, I feel like if you haye these costumes so much, keep that same energy with mean girls with karens "I'm a mouse, duh!" Thing. And also, not everyone has the time/money to buy/make super elaborate and intricate costumes, And I've seen some pretty elaborate and intricate costumes that clearly cost maybe hundreds or thousands to make. And again, I feel like we should let people have fun. If You wanna wear a black dress and a witch hat, go head, ifcyou wanna wear a detailed corpse bride cosplay, go ahead. So am I being nlog or am I in the clear?

Ok, so it seems like everyone's agreeing, but i just remembered that there is literally a quote from mean girls that fits my argument. "In girl world, Halloween is the one night a year that girls can dress like a total slvt and no other girls can say anything about it:

Instagram Influencer’s ad for Dove

DISCLAIMER: This post is a joke, please no one take it seriously.

So, I'm no statistician, but I'm pretty sure there are more straight women than queer women.

Logically, one major way you could be NLOG is by liking girls. But people who are NLOG don't like other girls. That's what makes them NLOG.

I present to you... the NLOG paradox.

Not even sure what to flair this as or if this is appropriate for this sub but I (f22) have slowly noticed over the years that my mom (f56) is a pick me, quite literally views herself as “not like other girls”, and is also a boy mom (among other things).

Just today we were discussing bad roommates and she proceeded to say she would only ever room with men because: men cause less drama, they won’t compete with her, they won’t steal her man, and they’re just better friends than women.

I’ve tried to debate with my mom on multiple occasions that women aren’t inherently “competitive” and yes, some women are competitive but so are some men?? She has a belief that all women just want to compete with each other in all aspects. I told her this must be projection and I’ve never once thought/experienced that. She denies projection and says I wouldn’t know better because “I don’t get out much”. And my friends are “different”.

My mom claims she was always a tomboy, almost mocks “dressing up”, and always was friends with men because “they’re just better.- saying that all women are bitches and she could only make meaningful relationships with men.

Recently on a couple occasions she even stooped so low as to say to some women ask for it when they experience SA or full on rpe. Saying that if women dress “skimpy/promiscuous/like a whre”, etc they’re asking for it. This conservation stemmed from a SA that happened at her work. A 17 year old girl was SA’ed by a 50+ year old man. My mom said the girl dresses in tight clothing to get better tips and, therefore, was asking for it and probably wanted it to happen.

And of course growing up she’d always shove it in my and my sister’s faces that she only ever wanted one boy and could finally stop having kids once our younger brother was born. She always made sure to remind us she only wanted one son. She has told me constantly that sons are easier than daughters and that girls cause drama. And of course my brother always will receive special treatment from her. When my oldest sister was pregnant my mom was extremely upset that my niece was a girl. My sister doesn’t want anymore children but my mom is insistent because she wants a grandson.

And to top it all off she acts weird around my boyfriend and will try to cater to him even when he doesn’t want it and do things for his attention.

I’m 24f. I love seeing women happy and I love the women in my life, but it took me a while to get here. Growing up in the 2000s, like all women my age, I had “women stab eachother in the back” and “women are vapid idiots” rhetoric shoved down my throat, and becoming a pick me at 14-15 was how I coped with that. I believed all the horrible things about women I’d been shown, but I knew I wasn’t like that, therefor I must “not be like other girls.” This conclusion didn’t come from malice, it came from pain, and a desire to be seen as a person, not just a “female”. I honestly empathize with these girls because I’ve been them; I hated myself, I was unhappy, I was not the best version of myself. I’ve since grown up and healed, and I just wish the same for them.

by this i mean having interests , personality traits that are considered "masculine" or dressing in a more "masculine" way or trying to look like a boy/man cause that's what she prefers?

I didn't know we were still farming for compliments from men these days agh....

As we move into cold and flu season, it's important for individuals and families to be on the watch for another condition that comes around at this time of year - Autumnal NLOGism.

Autumn is a peak time of year for NLOGism to develop and spread. To protect yourself and your loved ones from Autumnal NLOGism, be on the lookout for the following signs and symptoms:

• Making unsolicited negative comments about pumpkin spice flavored or scented products, especially when paired with a nonsensically long name for coffee (ex: "mocha frappe caramel sprinkle foam latte")
• Belief that enjoying Halloween, Goth fashion, horror movies, or true crime makes someone countercultural, edgy, more interesting, or otherwise somehow superior - these are all extremely mainstream and popular
• Any sexual fetishizing or romanticizing of real or fictional serial killers or violent criminals
• Comparing oneself to Wednesday Addams (particularly in reference to the 1993 live-action movie)
• Unsolicited criticism of other women's Halloween costumes or activities (for reasons other than potential offensiveness)
• Loud and pervasive disdain for upcoming Christmas (for reasons other than religious criticism and/or trauma)
• Disparagement of Ugg boots, sweaters, flat-brimmed felt hats, or leggings, especially when worn in combo - if a certain photo of many women wearing these clothes as a group is posted on social media with a disparaging caption, autumnal NLOGism may have already developed
• Belief that enjoying football, knowing the rules of the game, knowing the teams playing, etc. makes someone superior or more appealing to men
• Any negative or comparison-based commentary on what other women may or may not cook and/or eat at Thanksgiving

Even if you or a loved one are showing signs or symptoms of Autumnal NLOGism, treatment may help to mitigate symptoms before they develop into Total NLOGism, a condition which lasts the entirety of the year and can be damaging. Treatments include self-awareness, self-reflection, developing real friendships with other women, and acknowledging that women are not a monolithic hivemind.

Ask your therapist if unlearning internalized misogyny is right for you!

I see so many girls asking if they are pick me just for being different in their social circle. Pick is me is when you put other women down for men approval. You are not identical to every woman,you are an individual with your own thoughts and beliefs about life and you CAN go by your own path,no need to blindly follow people in fear of disapproval. You can be against another woman's opinions/actions,you can hate said woman and not be a pick me because of it,it is called 2 individuals arguing,woman is a human first only then said human is a woman. Different doesn't mean superior,EVERYONE is different.

First, let me introduce myself. I am 18 years old (turning 19 in 15 days), I come from Bosnia and Herzegovina, I speak Bosnian, German, and English, and I am learning Spanish and Arabic on my own. I have a boyfriend from Palestine, and I’ve never been happier; he makes me happy. I’m in my last year of high school, attending a general gymnasium, and I want to study law. My past is terrible, and I sometimes hate myself because of it, but I have forgiven myself. My mom says awful things to me, and we have a terrible relationship. I want to wear the hijab, but my parents won’t allow it. They say it’s pointless now because everyone has already seen my body, and it won’t have any “effect” because I had a boyfriend in the past, for whom they think I slept with, even though I didn’t. No one believes me. I am also keeping my current boyfriend a secret because I don’t want them to ruin my happiness.

I want to get closer to God as much as possible because I believe it’s never too late and that He forgives, but people keep saying all sorts of things to me. They say it would be pointless for me to cover up and that God won’t forgive me. They also say that I would soon take off the hijab anyway because, you know, I’m a girl, and I like to wear short clothes, etc., etc. But I want to change — better late than never, before it’s too late. I don’t know where or how to start; I don’t even know how to react or what to do. How do I start? Where do I begin? How do I react to my past, my future, the hurtful things people say, and this change I want? Can I do this? Or should I wait longer? How do I deal with everything? How do I change my life and, as they say, “start from zero”? I need advice, help.

Boys in her reply was like " queen you drop this 👑"