Edit: 1. I don't mind him sending pictures of us to his friends via snapchat. I know most of them and they know how I dress. He shows me cute pictures of his friends with their girlfriends, that they've sent to him, as well. It's not that deep tbh. It's not a group chat btw.

Update: I talked to him about it and (even though I didn't ask to see their chat, because I trust his words), he directly showed me the message he sent. He was standing up and told her that "it's a rude comment, that my clothing choices are none of her business and that my boobs shouldn't be that big of a deal to her. "

So first of all I (22f) have to admit. that I've gotten used to being slutshamed by male acquaintances, because I like to wear revealing clothes.

I used to be super insecure about my appearance and still am one some days. I suffered from body dismorphia since I've been 7 or 8 years old and just recently overcame my eating disorder.

I'm finally sort of at peace with my body, even appreciate it on some days. I like the curves that I used to hate and that I had lost by starving myself. I like my boobs, I like cute bras and tops.

My boyfriend took a photo of me, sitting on the couch, reading a book and showing a lot of cleavage. He sent the pic to a couple of his friends. And the one female friend replied with:" that's insane. Seems like she WANTS her tits to fall out, doesn't it?"

It was such a pick me moment. She wanted my boyfriend to agree with her, she wanted him to slutshame me. I mean where is our female loyalty. I'm not harming anyone, I'm just existing in a cute outfit and celebrating my body.

I don't live for male validation; I'm not doing it for the creepy looks or disgusting comments. I would love to live without that stuff.

Bonjour! I used to not fit in with my peers, and I wanted to. Then I became very upset about being excluded at school by the popular girls, so I would judge and badmouth them. After learning about NLOG, I realized I was becoming someone I’m not. I asked my counselor if it was okay for me to show my quirky interests, and she said it was fine as long as I didn’t judge other girls. So I escaped my NLOG by not thinking about or judging other girls. I bought some cute headphones, embraced being in my own world, and now I love being alone at school.

I can still be my awkward self without judging other. I believe more NLOG need to build confidence and be more happy with themselves

https://x.com/heavenmaries/status/1860859358294245697?s=46

I understand Ariana specifically does have questionable morals (involving herself with married men), but I constantly see Candace Owens obsessed with talking about women who engage in casual sex.

Hoe clinic? Really? Not something you would expect from someone who supposed to be a serious political commentator. It genuinely sounds like she’s trying to appeal to angry teenage boys.

Meanwhile she had no problem batting her eyelashes when she had Andrew Tate on her show. Even if she doesn’t believe in the human trafficking charges against him, does he not involve himself in casual sex? Like very openly?

So to start i just wanna say i have lived my whole life on the principle of it's a Mans world, and we all girls have to stick together. The last thing i would dream to do in my life is to disrespect a girl next to a man, or hit on a girls dude. It always seemed to me that men win when we fight over them you know? I come from a country where men are very very dominant of women, and it created this little resentment inside of me. I am straight though just wanted to point that out.. so the topic i wanted to discuss is, that despite me having this philosophy on girls or pick me girls throughout my life, i have to say i have been mostly hurt by girls, especially "best girlfriends", most horrible betrayals by girlfriends and the ones that hurt the most for sure because you never see it coming! You see I always take care from men and have all defences up, and i actually made great boy friendships that way! But how can i empower other women, when i always experience betrayal at some point of the relationship from them? Can we really blindly go after feminists women empowerment principles in life? Or maybe it's better to judge a person individually regardless of the sex of the person?

Hello, I am new to this subreddit and I am confused about the "Other girl" archetype.

So, the NLOGs dislike the "Other girls" for being feminine and liking mainstream things, right? How come they only shame women for certain behaviors and not others, even though those behaviors should fit into that category?

A new popular game called Princess Peach was released on the Switch, and it’s a very feminine and mainstream game that I saw a lot of women playing. However, I didn’t see any NLOG comments about it.

I see a lot of NLOG posts about Taylor Swift, but hardly any about K-pop, even though both are popular with women.

I could go on with other examples, but I hope you see what I mean. Why are they okay with certain mainstream things that are very feminine and have a sizable audience, but they dislike others?

For example: Taylor Swift, Pumpkin Spice Lattes, Target, the color pink, Etc

My mom's friend judged me for not having a boyfriend in high school and not prioritizing finding a man, and then when I was in college she judged me for spending all my time working and studying and said that when she was 18 she was caring for her baby and that's more important and mature than focusing on a career. However, she shamed my mom for being a stay at home mom and said that she is better than her because she went back to work right after giving birth. She frequently competes with women but praises men no matter what they do, including showing me a movie full of rape jokes when I was 16 and defending the rapist because he was good looking.

Hey guys, I’ve been hearing about this NLOG stuff lately, and it got me thinking that I almost went down that deep end. I used to judge the popular girls and attack them for being basic and extroverted. Then I read this subreddit and thought, “Holy crap, that’s me!” I‘ve been denying my introverted self and running away from it and start caring about things I have no personal interest with. I was running away from my original identity and chasing something that isn’t meant to be but I accept it. I stop thinking or caring about the popular extroverted girls and I started to read my favorite novels and tv show since I was a child. And it was so freeing. And I was thinking how the NLOG would waste time attacking the other girls and let experience past them by. They couldn’t accept themselves for who they are and let their shadow overpower the ego. This subreddit have taught me that just because I feel different doesn’t give me the right to attack those who are the norm. So I accept my hidden traits and it help me to feel more confident in myself and I am not worry about fitting in anymore. All that stuff was in the outer world, and shouldn’t affect my conscious.

Plus, it’s just weird to care about someone who doesn’t really know or care about your existence anyway.

Her content keeps coming up in my feed….i can’t tell if she is a pickmegirl or notlikeothergirls? Her content usual involves picking apart other women’s videos. Some of it isn’t untrue but I’m not sure. Anyone else have thoughts?

I might be wrong but this is my understanding of a Pick Me.

A Pick Me is a woman who craves approval and attention from men, and in the process belittles, undermines and demeans other women.

A woman can like sport, cars, gaming, beer and have a best friend at work who is a guy and still show empathy and respect to other women. Therefore they are not Pick Me.

I am happy to be corrected if I have misunderstood the definition of Pick Me.

Honestly this has brought me a lot of peace and self confidence that I didn't think it would. Its weird to be an adult and find this out, but its like sped up my frontal love development. Anyone else??

I will admit the "notlikeothergirls" girls don't feel like they fit in and may even get bullied and this community can be another way to bullying them. HOWEVER, when I was a young girl who didn't feel like she fit in, can you guys guess who bullied me? The aggressive "pick me" girls. I also didn't feel like the other girls (obviously because I had ADHD and first generation immigrant parents) and yet I was not bullied by normal girls. I was just ignored by them. Instead I was bullied by the very angry "pick me" girls. Have any of you had the same experience?

Edit: I remember telling one of my bullies I was unique to justify how weird I was and she was like "you're not unique, you're an ogre. I'm actually unique because I wear interesting jewelry." Lol

Edit 2: I'm only bringing this up because I've been seeing many posts about how mean this community is and blah blah. Tbh sometimes you need a wake up call to know how cringe taking on this identity is. It sucks when it hits you like a ton of bricks, but maybe if you didn't bully the gentler "notlikeothergirls" you would've had more allies.

For a while I have felt there's something that doesn't feel... right about the pick me label. I will try to articulate...

It feels like built in to this insult is this notion that you should be in a relationship. But you are not, therefore something must be wrong with you.

"Why haven't YOU been picked, all of us have!"

Moreover, you should not be TRYING to get picked. You should naturally be picked by a guy. But since you haven't and you're trying, we at the cool-kids table are going to call it out and embarrass you.

"Everyone look at her! She's actually trying to be picked. Talk about desperate!"

It has a very "mean girls"/bullying vibe to it.

Now I know that this insult is SUPPOSED to be reserved for women who put other women down, but let's be real - that's not always how it's used. Oftentimes I see a post and the target hasn't even mentioned any other women.

Anyways these are my thoughts on the matter, I'm curious if anyone else has similar thoughts.

On one hand,I feel bad for them and try not to go too hard on them.

On the other hand,there are some that just go too far and make fun of others.

P.S.I'm also a little worried,that due to this,I'd be considered a pick me.Ive made similar posts on reddit for months,and I just want to enjoy the things I like,because it feels like I need to act or do a certain thing.

I love my family members unconditionally and will always support them, but if they behave like jerks I will call them out on it.

I was having drinks with my sister and some other women. There was one lady in the group who is a single mother and I think wants to date. My sister is back on dating scene so I think this lady is a drinking buddy.

This woman came in a fitted outfit with skinny jeans. My sister is all about fashion. My sister was tearing her outfit apart saying she looked like TK Maxx bargain bin and that guys would not want to settle with her as she comes across as very needy and unstable.

I saw this trying to hold back tears so I jumped in and told my sister to stop being so harsh and rude.

The lady started crying. I went for a walk with her and she told me how daunting it is trying to date again. This lady said she did not expect support from me based on my sister. I told her it was unfair and rude on my sister part.

I love my sister but I felt I had to correct her rude, nasty, pick me behavior.

https://preview.redd.it/mbig4qb6ljyd1.jpg?width=986&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1e2f37a9031a4082d303258917c7e4babef9f4cc

ok so when i was in 7th grade (the most dramatic school yr ofc) i had a bestfriend. i now realize how pick me she was, like she used to say "i got second highest marks bc i didnt study, i'd get first if i wanted to" or "all these girls like to copy me" "all the guys want me, i dont even try" "i'm nlog, i dont wear makeup" etc etc you can get the idea.

but i could see how much she tried. she tried to be the unique one so baddd. and i was slowly turning into her. she always compared herself with me. i got so insecure abt everything and i tried to hide them. and this is how i became "no i'm not sad, being sad means being pathetic. i'm too perfect for being pathetic." lol.

but if i think abt her, i think it was her mom. she (m) used to put pressure on her (b) too much. like she (b) just HAS to be the number one out there. maybe this is what made her a pick me and competitive.

thank god i slowly moved away from her, but i still got an affect on me. real question is, is this how this cycle starts? like for everyone?

EDIT: Thank you all for answering, I think I'll just let her be for the time being, and help her when/if she asks for help. Again, thank you! All the comments really helped put it into perspective lol

Posting on an alt. Me and my girlfriend were talking the other day, and while I've had suspicion on it for a while, it was confirmed the other day with a lot of things she said, specifically about how when something she likes gets popular, she doesn't like it anymore, and her use of the word "basic" and similar things. What should I do? We're both 17, and I don't really know what to do. I love her, and I wanna be with her, but it frustrates me a little, if that makes sense.

Ok so for a good 15 years I've always been good enough to want and never good enough to have. Since I was 5 I've been used by men and boys I've always just been there and easy to take advantage of, so at what point do I become the wanted instead of the had

Posting cus I'm not sure of this is me being "not like other girls" or if I'm calling women out for being "judgy". So basically on tiktok, a lot of girls are talking about how much they hate "concept costumes" which i think an example is just wearing a short dress with cat ears and saying "I'm a cat, duh" and stuff like matching where they all wear dresses in the colors of mario princesses and crowns. In all honesty I never had anything against these costumes because I just thought, "It's just people having fun", but tiktok has other ideas. They say it's "lazy" and "uncreative" and "*gly" and a lot of people are saying that the girls who wear these costumes are slvts. In all honesty, I feel like if you haye these costumes so much, keep that same energy with mean girls with karens "I'm a mouse, duh!" Thing. And also, not everyone has the time/money to buy/make super elaborate and intricate costumes, And I've seen some pretty elaborate and intricate costumes that clearly cost maybe hundreds or thousands to make. And again, I feel like we should let people have fun. If You wanna wear a black dress and a witch hat, go head, ifcyou wanna wear a detailed corpse bride cosplay, go ahead. So am I being nlog or am I in the clear?

Ok, so it seems like everyone's agreeing, but i just remembered that there is literally a quote from mean girls that fits my argument. "In girl world, Halloween is the one night a year that girls can dress like a total slvt and no other girls can say anything about it:

Instagram Influencer’s ad for Dove

DISCLAIMER: This post is a joke, please no one take it seriously.

So, I'm no statistician, but I'm pretty sure there are more straight women than queer women.

Logically, one major way you could be NLOG is by liking girls. But people who are NLOG don't like other girls. That's what makes them NLOG.

I present to you... the NLOG paradox.

Not even sure what to flair this as or if this is appropriate for this sub but I (f22) have slowly noticed over the years that my mom (f56) is a pick me, quite literally views herself as “not like other girls”, and is also a boy mom (among other things).

Just today we were discussing bad roommates and she proceeded to say she would only ever room with men because: men cause less drama, they won’t compete with her, they won’t steal her man, and they’re just better friends than women.

I’ve tried to debate with my mom on multiple occasions that women aren’t inherently “competitive” and yes, some women are competitive but so are some men?? She has a belief that all women just want to compete with each other in all aspects. I told her this must be projection and I’ve never once thought/experienced that. She denies projection and says I wouldn’t know better because “I don’t get out much”. And my friends are “different”.

My mom claims she was always a tomboy, almost mocks “dressing up”, and always was friends with men because “they’re just better.- saying that all women are bitches and she could only make meaningful relationships with men.

Recently on a couple occasions she even stooped so low as to say to some women ask for it when they experience SA or full on rpe. Saying that if women dress “skimpy/promiscuous/like a whre”, etc they’re asking for it. This conservation stemmed from a SA that happened at her work. A 17 year old girl was SA’ed by a 50+ year old man. My mom said the girl dresses in tight clothing to get better tips and, therefore, was asking for it and probably wanted it to happen.

And of course growing up she’d always shove it in my and my sister’s faces that she only ever wanted one boy and could finally stop having kids once our younger brother was born. She always made sure to remind us she only wanted one son. She has told me constantly that sons are easier than daughters and that girls cause drama. And of course my brother always will receive special treatment from her. When my oldest sister was pregnant my mom was extremely upset that my niece was a girl. My sister doesn’t want anymore children but my mom is insistent because she wants a grandson.

And to top it all off she acts weird around my boyfriend and will try to cater to him even when he doesn’t want it and do things for his attention.