I am the parent of a nonbinary 9yr old child. They are the sweetest, silliest, smartest kid in the whole world. My husband and I do our best to educate ourselves, support them, and advocate for them. They are AMAB and have presented femme since the age of 4yrs old. They found the language for how they felt when they were 7yrs old. I read them a children’s LGBTQ+ book and when I read the word “nonbinary” they immediately stopped me and asked “what’s that?” I told them what it meant and their eyes lit up. They said “that’s me!! that’s how I feel!!”

Once we had the language I met with their school to ensure each teacher and staff member would use their new pronouns, that they would have access to all gender bathrooms and we made a plan for how to ensure that the other kids would understand and respect their pronouns (with my child’s consent and at their request.) It was a tough year, some kids were supportive, some cruel. I wanted to scream at the other parents for not educating their kids. My kid basically never had play dates. I would ask parents and they either wouldn’t respond or would send their kid and we would never hear from them again. In our small town birthday parties are divided by boys and girls. My kid wasn’t invited to the boys ones or the girls even tho they play with girls almost exclusively. Finally I just started calling the girls parents begging for my kid to be included. Most parents were happy to oblige, I honestly think it didn’t occur to them to invite my kid.

We’re doing what we can but it doesn’t feel like enough. I’m so scared they’re going to, if not already feel isolated, which leads to depression or gender dysphoria. I’m worried I’m not doing enough or that I’m doing too much and making them feel boxed in. I try to bring it up so they know they have a safe space to vent, but also not bring it up so much that they feel self conscious. I feel like I’m messing it up.

I made an appointment for a gender clinic because they book out 1-2yrs in advance. But a spot opened up suddenly and I don’t know what to do. They say they like who they are. They like how they look. They’ve never expressed wanting to BE a girl, they’ve never expressed being trans (they said breasts are weird, bras look annoying and they love peeing outside whenever they want, lol) we’ve talked a little about puberty, things like having a lower voice or noticing the shape of their body changing. They seem neutral but also uncomfortable. I hate that we have to push these conversations. They shouldn’t have to think about the future of their body like this at 9yrs old.

What are some things you wish your parents had done when you were 9yrs old? How can I best guide them but also let them lead this? Were you ready to make decisions about your body at 9yrs old?

Events like wedding, classical concert, funeral.

I (22 pan male) have been with my nonbinary partner (22 AFAB) for about 3 months now. Funny story, we dated back in highschool when they identified as female and got back together after we graduated college by crazy chance. Anyway, they came out as nonbinary about 2 years ago and about a year after coming out, they haven’t been able to climax during sex. I’ve read that this is somewhat common amongst nonbinary people with vaginas, but I really love and value my partner and this is something that genuinely makes them sad that they can’t and I’d like to do what I can to help make it happen. Does anyone have any suggestions for things I can try? Or reasons as to why it might be happening?

I’m so tired of this. Every time I go outside my circle I find people who don’t respect my pronouns or even my name, because it’s a shortened version of a masc/fem name, so people tend to say the complete and gendered version. So last time that happened at a party, I just went silent and sad.

But yesterday, a gay guy posted on my country’s sub and of course the homophobic trolls took the lead and trashed him. So I went and sent him a private message, giving him my support and all that stuff. But he asked me on which part of the lgtb+ I’m in and I said “Non binary”. And his response was: oh okay, that non binary thing it’s no my thing, but thanks for your comments.

What the heck is that?? “Not my thing”?? Of course is not your thing. You’re a cis homosexual man. We knew that. That’s what I talked to you. Then why even mention it. I’ve never asked if it was something to him. Never asked for an opinion.

This is wearing me out so hard. I lost most of my friends (for unrelated reasons) but I still don’t wanna get out. I’ve been trying but it’s so hard to deal with comments and meet new people. I’m already struggling a lot with my body, so the misgendering makes me feel that maybe I just should let this go and… I don’t know. What’s left when there’s nothing?

edit: I’m sorry for the long post and not being active in the sub. I needed someone who could understand and empathize. My best regards to all

I’ve recently gotten back into the gym after over a year (haven’t been due to a chronic illness). That being said when I used to go I didn’t bother thinking much of my gym clothes because i went to planet fitness and knew no one. but now i go to the gym at my university and i guess i just feel weird wearing more feminine gym outfits. any ideas for a more masculine or androgynous look? (I’m afab, not too concerned with modesty)

I feel like I should dress like who I am and just allow myself the liberty to be who I am in public. I'm not worried about safety or anything, but I really do get tired of turning heads in my town. It's clear that these people have never seen an NB person and every time I go out it's just a constant weird thing when someone sees me for the first time. Pointing, talking, staring, even laughing thinking I don't notice. It's awful, I don't know if I should just wear the stupid man costume that I hate and wear dresses in the privacy of my home or what. Very confusing. Have you felt this way and how do you deal with it?

hi! sorry for the long post... but i've been kinda on the fence about my gender identity for a couple of years now but never really felt the need to fully label myself or explore that area. i'm afab and i do feel like a woman or at the very least i am generally more inclined to be feminine but it does feel like im forcing myself to be feminine or try to be more like a woman. i don't necessarily feel attached to femininity in general and same with my gender. it's kinda just there; if anything i just mainly resonate with "human" or "person" rather than a specific gender. is there a need to label myself nonbinary or is there another term that would better encompass it? or is it fine to just label myself as queer and call it a day? sorry for the rambling but im kinda new to this stuff!

Hii!!! Do you have any fav movies or tv shows with enby main characters? I need some recomendations

I can't find porn that has good enby representation. My downstairs equipment after I've transitioned won't be a vagina or a penis and I can't for the life of me find porn with a variety of different genitals or ambiguous genitals. All I can find is transmasc porn with a vagina and trans fem porn with a penis and nothing else. Any recommendations?

is straight for Nonbinary people both men and woman because being straight is like the opposed gender and is a Nonbinary person liking another Nonbinary person gay

i'm not Nonbinary this is just a question i genuinely have

title says most of my issue. everything i can find or most discussion forms are usually aimed towards afab so i dont really know what to do. i look relatively masculine and would like to look less gendered.

I'm slowly at a loss as what to do, I either feel like I'm a non-heteronormative conforming woman or nonbinary. I know that no one can tell me which label fits the best, but advice on how to find out or an outside perspective would be helpful :')

I'm AFAB and a lesbian, the label and my relationship is very comforting, she/her pronouns are fine, but a lot of normal womanly things are simple not.

I have terrible period dysphoria, I'm disgusted by the ability to be pregnat, I don't like my voice (it's to high)I hate a lot of the sterotypical girly topics, makeup, hair, men, gossiping etc. I wish those topics where just a dumb sterotype and I am afraid to sound like a pick me, but in my experience it was the truth with 90% of interactions with straight cis women. I often feel uncomfortable and out of place in women's/men's groups. And don't like to see myself as one of them. In an imagined world I would simply erase "gender". On the other hand, I feel very comfortable in groups of queer people who don't have "girly" interests and don't present themselves as typical women (e.g. body hair). I can't say whether I count myself among these queer women or whether I'm nb. Does anyone have similar experiences or tips on how I can become clearer about my identity?

In terms of representation, i like to workout to get Mode muscledefintion (and less body fat to get rid of curves). I like a masc style, oversized clothing but also some feminine elements.

Thanks for any advice

I've been living full-time as a man for a while up until recently and have been fairly satisfied with it, and it's much better for me than living full-time as a woman was, but I still wish I had more flexibility. The way I've been thinking of it is if "man" and "woman" are two boxes, and all the space outside of and between them are various kinds of nonbinary, I'd like to be able to leave the "man box" and visit the "woman box" every once in a while, but still come back to the "man box" as my main residence.

I only wish there were a way to select a gender every morning and change it as I please between "fully feminized from E" on one day to "fully masculinized from T" the next day, like a shapeshifter. Instead, I try to "tip the scale" of how I'm perceived to one side or the other depending on what I want, which works to an extent but is difficult and inconsistent. I can change things like masculine/feminine clothes, makeup/no makeup, flat chest/visible breasts on a daily basis, but I wish I could do more.

Do any of y'all feel this way?

I'm new to being non-binary I recently found out I am non-binary and haven't came out yet im from latvia and I don't think latvia has words that are gender neutral that are used to describe youself and its really confusing everything is pointlessly gendered even objects and what should I use it's all so confusing

Hey friends- Today I woke up just feeling like Im going to be alone forever. I am on this self improvement journey and apart of that has been dissecting past relationships, learning about why I date the way I date and all the other things you learn from therapy. I've noticed that I have a bit on an unhealthy habit of going for men who are broken or who are on the DL, or who treat me like shit. There are things inside of me that attract that. So I've sworn off dating until I am able to get my own stuff under control and tackle why I think that is acceptable. I feel like I might have a little internalized homophobia because even with my exes I could never just be. I struggle with anxiety and a fear of being apart of a hate crime. So hardly any PDA, no real dates, no real cutesy shit in public. Another thing I am working on, is trying to break this idea of what a relationship looks like, right now to me I am still looking at same sex relationships with the heteronormative lens on. I think that is why I've attracting so many DL men, because I have been attracted to that type of masculinity. But in the long run I can't/don't want to the secret side piece. I don't want only but seen and used as some sort of fetish.

But it's lonely when you try and up your standards when they've been so low for so long. I realized that in our community it seems like there is a higher chance of you ending up alone and I don't want that. I want to build a life with someone and go on vacations, have thanksgiving/Christmas at our house, I want to come home to a house filled with love and peace and I just want someone to be CRAZY(in a healthy way) about me. It just seems impossible to find someone who understand what NB actual is. Especially in the black community. I find that in the black gay community if you aren't just fem, just masc, just trans, you don't really fit in anywhere. For someone like me(AMAB, present somewhere in the middle of masc and fem) who doesn't really fit in, how is one to find love? I want black love, I know that is limiting myself, but I want to be what I didn't see growing up. But in wanting that comes so many different hurtles...

It's also like you can't fully be who you are because people only focus on 1 thing. I think I am quite open with sex, I can have a conversation about it, I enjoy it but when you are dating seriously its like that part of you can't be front and center because then people think its an open invite. I like to say I want to wine and dined AND have my back blown. lol! But it's like people only read the last part. We are all sexual beings we should be able to talk about it/have it without people ghosting you after. Sex has become this very casual thing but in reality it's something SO intimate. Another human is literally inside your body. I find that people don't know how to truly state their intentions. It's all a big game which I find to be annoying as hell. If you wanna fuck, then JUST SAY THAT, don't lead people on with getting to date them. People who want FWB don't actually want the friend part which is ALSO ANNOYING. Maybe it's my black and white thinking but it's hard to truly gage what people actually want because they are too busy playing this game to get what they want instead of having a conversation.

I also don't know how or where to meet people. My gaydar has been broken and my anxiety won't allow me to approach guys in pubic because I can't tell what their orientation is. So I've been sticking to online but even that has gotten confusing because a lot of straight married/ questioning/chasers on on the apps and don't want companionship. So what am I to do? I can count on my hards how any time in my 33 years I've approached a guy... either always straight, they don't date black guys, or I am not their type(this one is a fair enough reason) It just seems so bleak. I hate when people say "oh the right one will come. just wait" when they have been in 13 different relationships in the past year and I can't get a guy to talk to me without showing me their dick after 2 exchanges(and its never one you wanna see either)

Does anyone else feel this kind of... idk... sadness? loneliness?

43 amab, came out as bi in my early 20s after finding that not just women aroused me. Fast forward 20 years and I am diagnosed ADHD, cPTSD, ASDand this is all after having bariatric surgery and losing weight(yay!!) But finding that I was so messed up in the attic that I used food to mask so much murk and mire was the hard part.

I read that later-in-life diagnosed ASD often battle with identity and gendering.

I have live the majority of my life presenting as a Big Bear Bad-as* with a super soft interior. After almost 200 lbs lost I no longer fit the Big BA. I changed my style to accommodate a smaller size but still kept feeling wrong in my (mens) clothing. I started exploring fabrics, tailoring and whatever I could to adjust my comfort. At the time (6months ago) Western were given scrubs. I'd never worn scrubs as they felt/ too feminine. (Naive me now understands) they were mens scrubs but they also had more androgynous lines.

Fast forward-now...I told my wife that I have always felt pushed into masculinity; I have always hated being called sir; I wanted to be more fluid. There has been some static around the changes (cant change overnight and not expect some retaliation) I have long time friends that are transitioning (mtf) and while I support that for them, I don't align with altering my body. I love my genitalia and some of the harder features of the masculine body, but I also wish I had more feminine hips and rib cage. I don't feel that upper surgery would assist in my journey so I won't be seeking breast-augmentation other than adjust loose skin from weight loss. I am going to the gym to tone and maybe build a little but I don't want to be sinew-ey....I love painting my toenails but have avoided fingernails due to not finding my perfect color. I paint and have painted my SO's fingernails for years. I am learning how to do do the aesthetician type stuff so I can take classes. I want to help people be pretty...no matter the identity. And if I can support my family monetarily this way, even better...

Why is it only after making the statement that you have felt that hate being pushed into a role does it feel more natural to be in the middle? Is the middle okay?

I'm so conflicted about my beard. I consider myself mtf nb, It's really important to me to feel and be seen as feminine, but I've got one masculine trait I'm still attached to. My beard. It's big long and bushy, it goes down to my chest. It's cool!! But the inherent masculinity of it really bothers me sometimes. I plan to shave it once my hair grows long, but I hate that I feel like I have to.

I really just wish beards were just gender neutral. I know I technically could identify as a woman and keep my beard but idk, it's more important to be seen as fem than it is to have a beard, just wish I didn't feel pressured to choose.

Anyway I'm just rambling and thought this was sentiment yall could understand

Hi all—

I was wondering if anyone knows of someone who could edit a photo of me. I finally look good in the photo (boo dysphoria), and would love for it to be professionally edited.

I’m willing to pay, but don’t really want to go on fiverr, and would love to support a non-binary photographer.

Thanks!

In the last few days I've been questioning my gender a lot, it really scares me. At first I thought I was non-binary but in the end I realized it wouldn't work, I didn't feel comfortable telling anyone, now I'm thinking I could be trans but it scares me a lot and I don't know if I'll end up feeling completely okay, I don't want to tell everyone "I'm trans" and then say I regret it, it also happened that yesterday I went to the supermarket with my mom and she ran into a coworker who asked her if I was her son (I'm afab) since I look masculine enough to be mistaken for a boy sometimes, my mom seemed a little angry after hearing that they called me her son but she didn't correct her friend or anything, when she finished talking to her she scolded me and told me that she would buy me a pair of long earrings so that I look more feminine and that she didn't want me to go out looking like a boy again, she told me that I had to start wearing makeup which made me feel incredibly uncomfortable, i dont know what to do I always feel bad about my gender, and I live in a very religious and conservative country, so I don't have any friends to talk to about it or anything like that.

Btw sorry If II misspelled something im still learning english

Gender is complicated lol. So, I've realized that my feelings towards gender is like, I'm not sure how to explain it. I feel like I have no gender but I feel gendered in a way that doesn't exactly feel like a boy or girl but more so kind of nothing but something at the same time? I'm not sure how to explain it. 😅

I came out to my friend. And, let's just say I have one less friend. But, I guess I have also gained another? I don't really know anymore. Anyways, my new friend (maybe?) is trans (mtf) and she has kinda transitioned. And that brings me to my question: Is it possible to transition without my parents knowing? (For context, I'm not out to my parents due to fear and the fact that I don't think that they will support me and I'm out to only one person who used to be my friend but then said that I was stealing their place???)

so basically ive started uni after graduating hs 4 years ago (couldn't until now because of covid stuff lol) ive made 2 pretty close friends and theyre transmasc and transfem and I haven't really told them I'm NB cuz I kinda just don't know how to? I've grown up in a rural area, couldn't really be myself basically my whole life outside of the internet. i kinda just dont know how to deal with having friends in general that i dont have to put a conservative mask while talking to them but thats another can of worms im just really happy that i can be with other queer ppl and REALLY cool ppl in general but i feel like i still cant be myself funnily enough until i tell them what i really am sorry for a lot of rambling ahah this has been eating at my mind for a while

So I'm a trans masc individual who uses he/him pronouns but I feel gay both ways? I've never had any hetero attraction to anyone it's always been gay. I'm comfortable being perceived as a butch lesbian and a twinky gay man and like some feminine adjectives like ma'am and still enjoy wearing dresses and makeup but in a male way. I feel like a handsome woman and a pretty man and that fluctuates presentation wise like I also usually date other trans people and find my attraction to anyone of any gender but usually someone who's more gnc. Anyways I was wondering if anyone feels the same?

This is going to sound a bit offensive because I’m ignorant so I apologize, but I want to learn so I’ve come here to ask!

How do sexuality labels work with being non-binary?

So there’s your identity and your sexuality. For example a man only attracted to women is straight, a woman only attracted to women is a lesbian. If a non-binary person is only attracted to women, how do you decide whether you use the label “straight” or “lesbian” I see a lot of “non-binary lesbians” on the lesbian subreddits so I’m wondering how it works. Does it have something to do with your sex at birth?

I understand that non-binary people are included in the gay & lesbian labels. Does that mean that two non-binary people who are male at birth and/or present in a masculine way can just say they’re in a lesbian relationship with each other?

Thank you and again, I’m sorry that I’m probably being offensive here. I just genuinely don’t know so I’d like to hear you out because I don’t want to hurt anyone by being ignorant

In the past year I've come to accept the fact that I don't feel totally like a man. I'm amab and have gone through life being perceived as different because I've never fallen into the typical idea of masculinity. Usually people would just think I was gay even thought I've only dated women, they would see the femininity in me and attribute it to that. I'm a very slim and slender build and have constantly gotten mistaken for a woman by restaurant staff and random passer byers. At first I thought it was just funny and my ex and I would have a laugh about it when we were on a date. But then I really started to realize that I enjoyed not being seen as male. I've never really cared for gender roles as they were, especially in how I express myself but over the past year I decided to lean into my androgyny more. I bought more and more women's clothes and grew my hair out and started styling it more fem. Then about 6 months ago I decided that I wanted to start using he/they pronouns. My now ex was not supportive of it telling me that no matter what I'll always be her man. I brushed that off and just went about embracing my androgyny more and more but still flying under the radar about my pronouns. I never really talked to anyone about it and the most outward expression of it that I had publicly was listing my pronouns in my Instagram bio. Now that I'm out of my relationship I decided that I really needed to examine this side of me further. This has proven to be a very confusing process for me. I still resonate a lot with the male identity of myself yet want to be even more androgynous. I want to be perceived in a way that it's so difficult to tell where my masculinity even is. I want to get the validation of being confusing to people because when it happens it makes me feel like myself and feel validated in who I am. At the end of the day I really want to just be perceived as me, no expectations to who I am based on whether I'm deemed male, female, or anything else. I think part of me is just struggling with losing my cis label even though I feel like it constantly holds me back from being who I truly am. On top of that I feel like I'm living a lie and that I'll just grow out of this he/they thing but I constantly crave to be seen not as male. Finally, I feel like by using he/they pronouns I am not part of the queer community because I still can't fully accept myself as non binary. Like since I'm holding on to this male pronoun it makes me a fraud and less valid in my identity. So, I guess I'm making this post just to be seen and heard and hopefully hear insights from others who have struggled in a similar way to me. If you have struggled with this, what was it like for you and how did you get to a place of comfortability and validation?

So, I've been thinking about my identity for years now, and recently I had a bit of a breakthrough when I talked about it with a friend. Long story short, I want to look more androgynous (cis guy rn), and I do believe going on HRT is the best way for me to go. I would say my expectations are in check (I know I'm not gonna magically be my hyper specific ideal mix of masc and fem features) and I've done research and talked to people about feminizing HRT.

I'm curious to hear about anyone's experiences with HRT as a non binary person. What were the procedures, dosages, etc. like? I've seen "microdosing" associated with this topic, so if anyone has insight into that I'd really appreciate it ^-^.

hello, just gonna explain something i deal with, and i hope maybe we can share our experiences.

when i spend time alone, i feel like im more myself, i know myself the best and rarely overthink my identity. whenever im in public or exposed to other people, i always feel like im second doubting myself because i “look and sound ridiculous”. even if im around someone of the trans community or someone that’s nb, i feel like im never “trans/nb enough”. whoever is in front of me, i’m not gonna feel good. in front of cis ppl im not “normal” enough and in front of trans ppl im not “trans” enough…. like dude im just tryna be myself and not feel icky, can i have a break….

I'm 21 and my whole life I felt like a male up until recently. I recently have begun to question my gender. Sometimes I feel like a female and other times I feel like a male, and sometimes I don't feel like anything. Is this normal? My entire life I have thought I was male but now I don't know anymore. I'm scared I have recently begun crying in bed over the confusion. I need help. I dont really know who or where to ask these questions

I recently came out to myself and some friends as being non binary and am now having sexuality crisis 2.0. Pre figuring out my gender, I loosely identified as a lesbian (best descriptor but wasn't a massive fan of the word). Now that I'm out, I'm questioning my attraction and wondered if others have had similar experiences or advice.

Part of this I think stems from the fact that I didn't want to be in a relationship with a man if that man perceived me as a woman as I always said that I thought that if I were a man, I would be bi. I'm also confused because if I don't understand the concept of gender, how can I be attracted to people of only one gender? I also recently discovered that I am demisexual so don't have an initial attraction so when people ask if I like any dudes, I dont but I dont think I would have an answer if they asked about girls either.

Id appreciate if people could share any similar experiences because I'm very confused. I don't feel a particular need to figure myself out and am just calling myself queer but it's still rocked my boat a bit.