hi im an agender person who was afab & i have really bad chest dysphoria. ive been meaning to buy a binder, but i keep putting it off since i'm not sure where/what brand to purchase from & i was wondering if anyone has any binder recs !!

also not sure if necessary, but i'm 5'3 (160cm) & a 40C

Please be kind, I know what I've been doing it's stupid but it's just too hard.

I've been avoiding going to the doctor as much as possible, all this because of dysphoria (in the closet with no other option) being constantly misgendered, knowing they're making new papers with my deadname on it and probably I can't even throw them out in the trash in the future (what if I need them? or if it's illegal?), being called out with a name that it's not me in front of everyone and having to get up.. , and I have the feeling doctors are.. rude? or don't stand me for some reason, maybe it's my insecurities, and I never confront them, I don't want to make their job harder than it is (it's like they see something wrong with me? is it because I'm ND?), and also I struggle with having to go through some medical procedures, it can feel very intrusive, scary, etc.And the social anxiety, having to explain what I'm there is even more awkward ( and difficult)

And now Im having some kind of issue, I've been feeling sick,perhaps I have caught something, I don't think it's too serious (that's what I want to believe) but I know it's not smart to not go in case it actually is.. so how do you deal with the dysphoria? I did in the past a few times but would appreciate some advice on how to go through it with, and knowing there's people that have gone through the same as me would make me feel less alone?

Hey everybody. I just need to vent now that the excitement of HRT has worn off.

I've been on low dose T for almost a year, and I want to say first of all that I have zero regrets. My voice passes more androgynously now, depending on how I speak and present myself. I like having more masculine body fat redistribution, a more masculinized face, I'm not very hairy so it's even been nice watching my body hair grow thicker and darker.

There's just things I'm sort of disappointed in, I guess. And before anyone says this, I know HRT is not a magical cure-all wonderdrug that will solve every single problem in my life. When I started I knew all about the full list of effects, positive and negative, and took that into account when I made my decision. So maybe I shouldn't complain.

I just wish it actually made things better, I guess. I only feel marginally better about my body, and if anything my confidence has gotten worse. I feel more self conscious and distrusting toward others, I notice the strange looks and stares I get more often, and I avoid going out more than I used to because it seems like my dysphoria is so much louder now that I'm "trying." It always stings a little when people talk about how T improved them mentally and emotionally. I'd give anything for a crumb of mental stability rn. I mean there's been other factors involved but this year has been a low point in my mental health.

And now, despite being on a low dose, my hair is starting to thin. Again, I knew this was a risk from the beginning. I just hoped it wouldn't start so soon. I started on finasteride to curb the damage but I have thin hair as is and even still it might not work. I'm terrified of the idea of losing my hair. I never liked my face or head shape so my hair kind of compensates for that. (And yes I have heard of wigs, but the ones that look realistic are way out of my price range)

I never planned on being on T forever, but I was also hoping for a little more progress before I started balding. If I were to taper off now, I would lose pretty much all of the facial hair I've managed to grow so far. So it feels like now I have to choose between looking like a woman or going bald. I don't want either of those options, but sometimes life just kinda sucks and the world is unfair.

I don't mean to scare anyone away from trying HRT. I still think it is/was worth it for me. If there's anything to take from this, just keep expectations measured. Prepare for the best, the worst, and the "meh" when it comes to getting results. It probably won't be all bad, but it might not be all good either and I think it's worth keeping in mind.

I thought I was a trans guy but I've been realizing I might actually be non-binary, or somewhere under that umbrella, and I don't mind the term "ENBY". My cis friend however was sort of policing it(excuse me if I used that term wrong) saying it was offensive. Is it offensive? I've seen many non-binary people refer to themselves as it. Doesn't it just mean N-B? As in the initials?? In so confused, it feels like she's deciding for me.

I'm really struggling dating and it seems like a lot of other people within the queer community are doing well at it with polycules and being able to do some relationship anarchy and cross lines that exist in within friendships. And like I'm not really looking for anything specific I'm very open to a lot of different things. I am pansexual for what its worth, and I have some of the old Anxiety/ADHD/PTSD which may be a factor as well. And I've dipped my toe in those waters but it just feels like friendships are safer so i just kinda hover there with everyone even those I am romantically attracted to.

I'm just exhausted by being lonely but I'm also terrified of being a burden. And I think people who might otherwise be interested see the nb stuff and get scared off. I just feel so behind everyone else but its like people my age are already into so many other things and I'm really not interested in people too much younger then me, but that tends to be people who are interested in me.

I guess I am just feeling kinda hopelessly alone and would like to know if anyone else is feeling this way. I tend to just keep to myself and do things I enjoy doing and hope someday I'll meet someone organically. And ya boi (Gender neutral boi) needs to get back into some therapy. But right now in this moment it sucks and I'm sad and I'm lonely. And I don't know where or who else to complain to.

(Thanks for coming to my strange ted talk) Also I technically feel more Agender then non-binary and use They/Them pronouns.

hello! :)

i have a bit of a weird issue.

i don't feel present in my body. i do not like my body. but, at the same time, i don't really think i'd like to be in ANY body - i'm sorta r/voidpunk in a way, i guess.

i have never felt present in my body, despite things i've tried in the past and things i'm consistent in doing. i do have a therapist currently, but she isn't trans or nonbinary, and she's also very smart, and the way i'm phrasing this is very dumb (lol!), so i really really would like to continue to ask her for help, but i'm having trouble with the wording of the asking part.

just for some background: while i don't believe you need dysphoria to be trans or nonbinary, i do experience a lot of dysphoria personally. i do wear tight sports bras (i have breasts, but also a physically-demanding job and am prone to panic attacks, so i'm not always in a good place to bind). i am comfortable with my presentation, as far as things like clothes/makeup/body hair/style/voice goes.

if you scroll down on my profile (not advertising!!), you may see that i have posted nudes in the past. yep, that's my body! i'm only saying this to pre-empt people realizing that i'm a little chubby, and wanting to offer insight on how to lose weight. i am a very active person and i do eat healthy, this is just how my body looks. i am not interested in losing weight, or changing anything about the proportions/musculature of my body. the issue isn't even really anything to do with the shape and/or size, really. i mean, having childbearing hips does blow harder than anything else has ever blown in this life before, because people assume i'm a woman beacuase of it. but my childbearing hips, as grotesque and awful as they are, ARE gender-neutral, and i'm fine with them. so please leave them out of this.

i don't know if this is more of a spiritual or psychological thing, i just never feel present. i'm clumsy and physically do not understand movement, i have to sort of telegraph everything i do, like mentally walk myself through the steps of physically entering and exiting a room, because i'm so disconnected from my body that i'm liable to trip over something or bump into someone (i am also dyspraxic). i lift weights sometimes, i walk around frequently, i do yoga frequently, and i am mostly recovered from anorexia (physically, yes; mentally.... eh!). but i never feel embodied, i never feel connected to my own body, and i don't know how to do that.

it sucks, because i really really want to be part of the change. people can tell that there's something "up" with me, for lack of a better word. people can tell that i am somebody whose soul is fighting against their body and LOSING at every turn, and people do treat me weirdly because of this. but i do want to be part of the change. nonbinary bodies can be of any weight, have any sexual characteristics, run on any hormones, be of any size or shape - including mine. but i'm so far distanced from my body that, if i were to ever say anything like that out loud, it would ring hollow and inauthentic.

so what do i do? how do i become more present in the body i have now, as it is right now?

thank you so much for reading!! :) sorry this is weird, and no pressure on any answers!! i know i'm phrasing this wrong, haha.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language and trying to verbalize how I think and feel about this isn't the easiest.

I'm in my early 30s realizing I've been socialized over the years to dress and act like other guys, throughout my late teens and into adulthood out of "societal comfort"/fitting in, but was more open-minded as a kid.

Looking back, possibly being NB:

In early to late childhood (1990s) I was randomly liking or disliking typical boy/girl toys (playing with both masculine toys for boys and craving to play with overly feminine Barbie dolls), TV shows (Batman/Superman and shows like W.I.T.C.H. (as well as Charmed later; witchy women appealed to me in general)), interests and clothes out of whether those felt "fun" or not. I also seriously envied androgynous looking people.

All of this got suppressed in my teens to late teens where I ended up having more male than female friends IRL and began copying their mannerisms and clothes more, drifting away from females in general.

I couldn't relate to most boys or boy activities one had to do with others as a kid and still don't feel that I relate to most men as an adult (for example displays of machismo, team sports, violence/war, the most common male-dominated occupations). But at the same time, I know that I'll never have the bodily experience of a biological woman and can't relate to most women either due to not having socialized with them that much in my life so I don't feel a need to transition either...

Edit: I should mention that I also alternated between choosing masculine male characters OR female characters in video games whenever there was character selection; the fighting game Tekken 3 (Playstation 1/PSX) is an early childhood memory where I loved playing as Ling Xiaoyu, Nina Williams and also more masculine character like Paul Phoenix or Hwoarang, always "internalizing" them whenever I was playing...

Being NB and gay:

The only time I feel that masculine characteristics or looks excite me is during sexual activity, as an in-the-heat-of-the-moment thing. When it comes to others I'm attracted to cis men (Gay) but whether I feel more manly or womanly during the sexual act fluctuates constantly in my head. Hence "NB" (internal feeling of Gender) and gay (same-sex attracted)... Does this make sense?

I’ll (17, AMAB) cut right to the chase; Like the title says, I don’t know whether I am non-binary or not. I know for a fact I am a male but somewhere I feel like I, too, am non-binary. Is it even possible to be a male AND be non-binary? I sometimes feel like I can be very masculine at times but I can also be very feminine. Most of the time though I prefer to be androgynous with the way I act and/or dress so I don’t know if that means anything or not.

I don’t mind being addressed by he/she/they pronouns at all; matter of fact, i welcome any of them and won’t correct someone if they were to “misgender” me by accident.

I just honestly don’t know what I am lol. I could just be an androgynous male (if that even makes sense) or even just a male with feminine tendencies, though none of those really sit well with me.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! <3

Hi!!! I'm conducting a study that explores how one's sense of identity relates to their mental health! right now I especially need non-binary individuals (only if aged between 16 and 30) so any help would be appreciated greatly :) it's a pretty fun online questionnaire that feels a bit like taking a personality quiz and it's also a good opportunity to learn about and reflect on who you are. Your participation would help me graduate so I'd be eternally grateful!!! https://uva.fra1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6RrNP8rup51CW46

As far as I can tell, the only well-known gender neutral terms for offspring are "child" and "kid". This is fine when my parents reference me -- they can say "this is my child" or "this is my eldest", and the meaning is clear. And I can also say "I am my parents' kid" or something similar. But what if I want to use the equivalent phrasing to "I am a daughter/son"? Replacing the gendered term with kid here doesn't make sense, because it implies my age, not a relationship. And "I am an eldest" makes no sense. Has anyone figured out an equivalent to this phrase? It isn't a major problem, because "I am my parents' child" works fine for me 90% of the time, but I am curious.

Things are looking scary for those of us in America, we all know this. I'm fortunate enough to live in Colorado, where things will (hopefully) be more lax than other states. But this is for the enbies in the red states, and tbh everywhere. We need to stand up as a group if we want our freedom.

I'm not letting the government dictate my identity. I'm not letting them have that satisfaction. If they don't like it, they'll have to kill me.

Don't detransition, don't stop seeking gender affirming care. Don't stop being your genuine self, don't conform to whatever bullshit the government is trying to make you conform to. If you do, they win. They don't deserve to win.

I know it's terrifying, I know the risks that come with refusing to conform. But the only thing we can do to keep our freedom is to continue being ourselves. I'm willing to make that sacrifice to insure the enbies in the future don't have to go through this, so they have a more fair life. And I want us to have that fair life after this is all over.

If I die in the process, then I die as my true self.

Learn how to protect yourself. Learn how to shoot a gun, be consistently aware of your surroundings, and stand up for those in worse situations if you're in a blue state. Find a safe space, whether that be your home, someone else's, or an online space.

Most importantly, don't give up. Ever. Be stubborn. Fight for the world you want for yourself and everyone else. Fight by staying alive, and by refusing to conform.

If it gets to the point of being imprisoned or killed, then it'll be death before conforming. Die your true self instead of living as someone you aren't.

We can get through this, and we can keep being ourselves. It'll be much harder, but we can do it.

Death before conforming.

There was this small misunderstanding I guess ,between me and my friend. They suggested I get a new "girlfriend" since I can't see one of my friends as often anymore. Cuz we would connect on a deeper level and understand each other more or smt of the likes.

The thing is I see myself as non-binary, I am exploring what my gender identity could be, and I might end up a woman in the end who knows, but as for now this is who I am, no matter my body type.

And I know this was probably nothing at all, but I felt put in a box again, like I was defined by whats between my legs, like that was what defined what connections I make, and what people I belong to and around. I felt very unseen by them.

I think I was disappointed a bit because I thought they saw me as nonbinary, and that they knew I struggled with my identity. But now it felt as yeh, everyone just sees me as a woman that's what I am and that is what decides what my life and connections will be. I know this isn't true, but it felt very disheartening to me in this moment.

It made me very sad, and I know that wasn't their purpose tho.

I just wish everything didn't have to be gendered all the time... I know this is a minor minor struggle, but I needed this of my chest,

thanks for reading 🐰🙏

'

I am 19 but have unsupportive parents, I want to know how to without them finding out. I live with them by the way. I know they’d eventually notices the changes but it’s at least buy me time and I could try to hide them until I move out.

Hey there,

So I've been on a long and arguis journey to try and be more in tune with my emotions. One of my biggest disphorias as an amab enby was not being able to cry when I felt the tears behind my eyes, I'm not sure exactly why that was, but I've worked to try and become able to do so.

And for whatever reason, as of late the switch has kinda switched, I cry at sad parts of series, I cry at some sad songs, it's so weird, not in a bad way, maybe in a good way, I'm honestly not fully sure.

Idk, it's just, something, and I wanted to share it (I'm also writing this after crying at a sad emotional song, so I might be a bit soppy hehe)

But yeah, now I am able to cry, but that also means I feel kinda sad cause I cry, which... Idk, it's certainly something

So I've been struggling a lot with this since the election, as I'm sure many others may be... Am I being dramatic or too fearful for considering changing my X gender marker back to F? It would only be on my driver's license (my passport is still F due to potential travel restrictions in countries that don't have/accept a non-binary marker). In theory it isn't ~ a big deal ~ like a little letter on a plastic card doesn't change who I am and my confidence in my identity, but still... I hate that this has to even be a consideration. We really have no idea how extreme things can get, so I think I'm just at a point where I'm in self-preservation mode more than anything. What's everyone else doing?

At least for my city, there are a lot of women + non-binary (in person) spaces. This is starting to bother me being amab as there are no non-binary only spaces. I don't like how it is assumed all non binary people would be comfortable sharing with women. I think if it were the other way around, that every men's space was men + non binary and that was it, the outrage would be palpable. I want to hang out with non binary peeps in person without having to consider men or women! No cis people please!

Hi everyone, I was thinking about my gender identity this evening (AFAB, nonbinary) and I wondered about whether there were people who've previously identified as nonbinary, and then stopped? It would be such a weird concept to someone such as myself and others here too I'd imagine which is why I thought I'd ask.

I'm aware often that this can happen for binary trans people, however I was more thinking that I've pretty much never heard of someone going from cis - NB - cis again.

It's a daunting prospect being nonbinary or any kind of GNC in our world as it is today, and I think because there aren't many older NB people around comparitively, it's harder to imagine myself at 50 not being a "lady" - just due to my age then - but in fact just being my authentic self, just me.

One could argue if you met someone who was cis who previously identified as nonbinary, that in fact they were cisgender all the time however I feel in some cases this may be overlooking a gender exploration journey?

But yeah what does everyone think.

I suppose it comes down to "is gender permanent can it change over time etc" the age old question! I'm my experience, my gender has almost always been from a nonbinary perspective from a very young age, with feminine aspects to it.

Something I don't see people talk about enough is how expensive it can be to first be exploring your gender. I'm AMAB and in my early 20s and I'm having to wait until January for any sort of hrt consultation (insurance reasons). Until then I've been doing everything in my power to experiment and squeeze any little bit of gender euphoria I can out of smaller gender alterations like clothes, makeup etc. I'm not buying a new wardrobe or anything and all the clothes I buy are thrifted aside from tights and such. But damn! The small purchases add up quick. I'm definitely going through a phase of gender motivated retail therapy. Has anyone else had a similar experience?

I(19 AFAB) have been experimenting with my identity for YEARS and I’m very grateful to have the experiences of these past few years. I’ve gotten to explore different presentations, pronouns, names, labels, and now I’m a little lost again. When I was 14 I came out as nonbinary, then i identified as FTM for 3 years, then over this past year or two, I’ve identified as genderfluid but something about that didn’t sit right. I was always overthinking my identity and stressing over the fluidity and changes, I just feel anxious about my gender cause it felt chaotic. Now I’ve found the label genderqueer and it feels right. Some argue it’s the same as nonbinary but I disagree, the most common definition of nonbinary is, “someone whose gender identity does not fit the male and female binary spectrum.” While, the best definition of genderqueer that I’ve seen is, “a person whose gender exists outside of society’s binary concept of gender.” That feels right for me. My gender does fluctuate at times, but mostly it just feels like something completely unique to me individually. It’s my gender, there’s aspects of binary (presenting femininely, loving my breasts, being called “boyfriend” by my partner, etc…) but my gender itself isn’t wholly binary. I’m lost and confused. With how I describe my gender, does it seem more nonbinary or genderqueer? And if I am genderqueer, how do I feel more comfortable with that label? I feel a little ashamed of it because there’s just not much online I see about it. It’s harder to find pride stuff online for genderqueer people, like we just fall into the shadows I guess… the lack of representation makes me feel ashamed like I should just be nonbinary instead. Please leave advice! 🙏

I can't find a space online to talk to people about this where i actually fit in. It's getting very defeating. Saddening when it doesnt just make me angry.
What's really great is i presented femme for the first time the other day and was accepted, and i started this last argument cause someone said i was dressing like a man. I'm a "femboy".
I live in Texas, im used to dismantling people for saying something like that to me, because if you let people keep talking to you like that they get bold.

I just can't find anywhere to go, im looking for a space where i can have in depth conversations with other enbies and femmes without having to worry about any children being around. I dont want to be anywhere near minors of any description.

I found a place i thought i liked, but nobody was interested in actually helping me improve socially, and just stayed quiet until someone found reason to ask me to leave, so i left.

I come from an exceptionally dark past, and I dont know how to carry myself around happy people, but im trying. That was pretty damn hurtful, honestly.

Edit: holy shit i really can't find anything. I'm a "femboy" in popular terms, and all the groups im coming across are porn and gooners. I present feminine for my mental health, where can i talk to people who are like me?

I just want some advice for how to go about this because I have no idea what to do in this situation it feels so much more different than when I came out as Bisexual I could just tell people and no one actually gave a shit. But hell I feel like no matter who I tell in my life everyone is either going to laugh at me for being "delusional" or disown me or unfriend me. I just want to know what I need to do and how to find out if I can trust someone to tell them that I am genderfluid.

I identify as a girl/demigirl, but after taking estrogen for a while, I realized the breast growth was making me uncomfortable and was not something I actually wanted :/

So, I've been on just blockers for a while, but unfortunately my endo says I can't do that forever since it wrecks your bone density, so, I don't know what to do now. What options are there for people like me? I know there's SERMs which would be perfect for me, but I don't know how bad the side effects are, and my endo said she never used it before. What should I do?

How do you folks cope with gender dysphoria? I have a big chest size (afab) and I have wanted a top surgery for so long and I don’t think I’ll get it anytime soon. How do you manage feeling so out of sync with your body?

I have tried binding, it makes it worse (I feel the presence more and it makes me want to act on some very concerning thoughts). Wearing any kind of bra makes it worse. I have been wearing 2XL shirts to make me feel better (it’s the only thing that doesn’t drive me completely crazy, but it’s not good enough either).

I am out of options.

I used to dissociate a lot before but I’m unable to do it now. I have to stay sober because I’m back with my family in their house for a few months but even then, how long can I even stay not sober for? (I have been sober for almost 20 days; This has been the longest I have been sober in the last 3-4 years) I do have more mental health issues that drive me to staying not sober for so long because it makes it easier to forget you exist while you do your school and office work.

I’m a recent grad so I’m looking for a job and waiting for some legal documents before I can shift back to where I was staying for the last 5 years. Finding a job feels even more impossible than getting the top surgery now.

sorry I guess I started ranting. But essentially, how do I cope with being stuck/trapped in a body that doesn’t feel like mine?

Hi! So I'm in my late 30s and have had a slow and delightful process of coming into my genderfluid identity since I turned 30. One aspect I've really loved has been feeling more comfortable in my clothes. I typically wear some version of jeans + shirt or t shirt + hoodie/jumper.

BUT! I have yet to find an outfit that makes me feel good when I go out! I'm afab and when I was younger I'd do what's expected of women (dresses, make up etc). A lot of it made me uncomfortable and I was happy to ditch it as i came more into myself. But I do miss the feeling of putting on something special to go out - on a date or special dinner or to the theatre - that's different to my everyday clothes. Something that makes me feel excited and hot while also feeling comfortable.

So...any hot tips? I don't wear dresses or skirts right now but pretty much open to anything else.

I [24 AMAB] am afraid to not be cis due to hate by society which I’ve learned a lot trans and nonbinary issues and it’s sad. I like to present masculine as well as keep my masculine birth name and use “he” pronouns but not feeling man enough. I’m really afraid to be openly nonbinary even in liberal area I live in, I have fear in my dating pool to be shorter than it was when I thought I was a gay cis man which I worry I’d be less desirable to gay men and left to bi or pan folks only to like me which there’s a shortage of people open to date nonbinary people.

If transphobia didn’t existed, I would of been openly out as nonbinary with going by he/they without worrying that I’m a big target to haters. Life would been easy if I live as a cis man but I can’t control my gender identity, I don’t quite feel like I’m part of those men, I feel different from them. I know I don’t have to be masculine to be a binary male but I don’t feel like relating to men and their lifestyles including gnc binary men even though I want to be like them.

Calling myself cis male wouldn’t feel right after questioning and exploring my gender for at least a year.

I've always imagined that Luz from the Owl house was non binary and their egg cracks some time before the last episode

But that term didn't exist yet. The closest thing to it was genderqueer, but at the time I couldn't comprehend what it meant and felt repulsed by the idea that someone can have a gender outside of man or woman. I came from a generation where "queer" was a slur, and only a slur.

I developed so much self hatred from transphobes that I lashed out on people online. And even though it happened a long time ago, I still carry the weight of this guilt. No amount of volunteer work and money I've contributed will erase my sins. I know that.

On top of that, my dysphoria was so severe (and still is) that certain medical changes I made didn't reduce it. Therapy has helped me realize what I need to do to finally reduce the dysphoria. I just can't afford it right now.

For you young people, be fortunate that at least the idea of a 3rd gender is a bit more accepted today than 15 or so years ago. But, I know it isn't easy for you either. My plan is to help this community the best way I know, through education and funding. When I can and am able, I promise to help you.

I like to wear a cute thong, a pair of Nike pro shorts with matching sports bra, black socks and a shirt

I was reading some other enby threads, and all of a sudden memories came flooding back when I was young. I wanted to play dolls, and wear jewelry and makeup, and soft dresses. I’m (amab) and I remember slowly not doing those things because boys don’t do that. Everything falls in place when you look back. I feel both female and male and also neither. How would I have ever figured THAT out with out the term non binary. There’s so much other silly stuff I did and felt, that were bread crumbs toward my realization.

Do you have anything that when you look back makes you think ooooooh, yep makes since?

This really isn’t a question or anything but I feel needed to say it here. My Dad who growing up hated all lgbtq+ people. He told me he was wrong, he was brought up thinking that way, and that it took him far too long to realize he was wrong. That people are who they are, and they’re born that way. Months ago I was so scared to tell him I was non binary. I’m so proud of him, I can’t stop crying.