/r/KvltDadJokes
A subreddit for kvlt dad jokes. If you are a poser you have no father.
No Lincoln Park, Corn, Splitknit, Lame Bizkit or Asking Sirenbrides.
Other kvlt subreddits:
/r/Metal (Also known as /r/jokes.)
/r/metaljerk (Post some Vvintersvn.)
/r/metalmemes (HAHAHAHA VARG)
/r/vvhalechvgs (VVHALES)
/r/progmetaljerk (Only for intelligent metalheads.)
/r/trvekvltanarchists (Fvck the elitists.)
/r/onlykalechipsarereal (Fvck all other chips.)
/r/KvltDadJokes
274 Subscribers
I heard Mayhem's bassist would've killed to be on guitar
09:04 UTC
VVhy did the modelling agency go to a Ghost concert?
They vvere told there vvovld be posers
06:02 UTC
Why did the chicken get hit in the road?
To make Birdflesh.
00:13 UTC
VVhat sort ov seafood vvovld a TRVE never eat?
AlbaCORE
06:12 UTC
What was Bill Steer's reaction after Michael Amott left Carcass?
What?! After all this Heartwork!
08:18 UTC
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To visit the falsie.
...knock knock
Who's there?
The chicken.
20:11 UTC
My friend has never heard of Saint Vitvs...
I gvess he vvas Born too Late.
23:30 UTC
VVhat is the president's favorite Skeletonwitch albvm?
Forever ObamaNation
01:32 UTC
Why did Caller Of The Storm's dad have to take his PS2 away?
He was always up all night playing God(s) Of War !
04:16 UTC
VVhat classic Progressive Rock albvm does Linkin Park cite as their primary influence?
Close to the Edge.
11:28 UTC
One grim, cold vvinter vvhen I vvas a Strapping Yovng Lad, I got my tongve stvck to a telephone pole.
Mein father said to me, "This is vvhat happens vvhen yov are a Metal-licka!" I (le)terally lavghed so hard I pwanged mein pants!
16:57 UTC
What is a core singer's favorite type of cheese?
Brie
14:09 UTC
VVhere do \m/ Trve Metal Brothers \m/ go vvhen they need to piss in a res[trve]avnt?
The djents.
11:42 UTC
VVhat band plays the most tvvisted and freaky mvsiks?
The Contortionist.
22:26 UTC
I wasn't going to wear my Starman t-shirt today...
...bvt I was in svch a RUSH to get ovt the door this morning!
03:03 UTC
What is the most kvlt body part?
The Vargina!
07:31 UTC
What did the hypoglycemic metalhead say?
I need My-shuggah.
15:27 UTC
How many falsies does it take to screw in a light-bvlb?
None because it's an vndergrovnd brand that they have never heard of.
01:33 UTC
VVhy are there no metalhead programmers?
Becavse they all bvrn and die their compvters vvhenever a boolean is false!
00:32 UTC
How do yov get the corpse paint off?
Yov take Abbath.
09:29 UTC
SLAYER?
I hardly know' er! HAR HAR HAR
17:46 UTC
So we have the father of metal when he was jvst a little boy watching over vs now.
Bach was so kvlt.
14:44 UTC
VVe vvent into a central part ov a city today.
My dad said that "this city ist so aggressive, that it mvst've been created by a Strapping Yovng Lad!"
[Le]terally krieged my arse ov!
18:00 UTC
Alright, here's one of those stories with metal song titles. Am I doing it right?
Mein father took me and his new girlfriend LULU to chvrch which was totally lame becavse the only praying I like to do is to ST. ANGER. Anyway on the way there we drove past a WINDMILL in a field, bvt in the field was 10000 FISTS that were CRAWLING across the covntryside! It was svper-scary becavse we knew they were ready to DIE FOR METAL. We barely escaped with ovr lives and made it inside the CHVRCHES where we drank JVICES LIKE WINE, which tasted like SWEET AMBER. After chvrch was over we stepped outside and enjoyed THE VIEW, where we witnessed an immense car crash of SUPERCOLLIDERS. Needless to say, the commotion was enovgh to make all of the PINK BUBBLES GO APE in all the excitement, and it got to the point where we all had to stand together to FIGHT FOR THE ROCK. Once all of the evil forces that were KILLING IN THE NAME OF were defeated, mein father drove vs home while we listened to 21ST CENTURY SCHIZOID MAN and mein father remarked "IT'S ALL METAL!"
18:26 UTC
I vvas playing hide and seek vvith Gaahl.
It was his tvrn to be it, so he was counting:
"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
..."
It took him forever to Satan.
16:38 UTC
VVhat is John vnd Mark Gallaghers favorite TV shovv?
...That's So Raven!! HAHAHAHA!!
22:42 UTC
VVhat do Lars Vlrich and Oscar the Grovch having a seizvre have in common?
They both hit trash cans! HAHAHAHAHA my dad is so fvnny. Old fart remembers St. Anger.
19:05 UTC
"Knock, knock."
"VVho's there?"
"Time II."
"Time II vvho?"
"Time II release that albvm, Jari - the fans are getting impatient!"
16:04 UTC