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Recently diagnosed and a tad bit too mentally unstable to take this on so was hoping to find some people near me to connect with :)

Anyone from the philippines? Let’s connect!

the title pretty much sums it up. i have both oral and genital hsv2 and have symptoms in both locations weekly. pretty sure ive self inoculated my eyes and face too. i’m on antivirals and supplements and follow most of the lifestyle protocols, but nothing has really helped. i’m going to try SADBE soon as a last ditch effort.

coming to terms with the diagnosis itself is a challenge, but unrelenting symptoms is a whole other beast. i feel disgusting and undesirable all the time because i’m constantly symptomatic and have scars from outbreaks all around my lips. for awhile, i hoped that things would get better over time. i’m losing that hope after watching my own lack of progress and reading anecdotes from people who have had the virus for much longer than myself and still haven’t found relief

dating wasn’t great before, but it really feels like the door to that part of my life has been closed for good. i feel so alone and angry over what i’ve lost. i’ve become so self-destructive and have lost sight of many of my goals, not limited to romance and intimacy.

i really just want my old life back and i’m struggling to see a future where i accept things as they are now. tough shit i guess, lol

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share something personal and, honestly, unexpected. A couple of weeks ago, I had what seemed like a completely normal encounter—protected, responsible, and, I thought, safe in every way. A few days later, I noticed two tiny spots at the base of my penis. They healed so quickly that I barely thought anything of them. No pain, no itching, no irritation. I felt perfectly fine.

Still, something in me said, “Better to get this checked.” I went to a dermatologist, and after a swab test and some follow-ups, I got the call: HSV-2 positive.

At first, I was confused, even a bit stunned. I mean, I’ve always been careful. I use condoms, I get tested, and I’m upfront about my sexual health. How could this happen? I felt like I’d done everything right, and yet here I was.

But then I started learning. A lot. I found out that HSV-2 is incredibly common—about 1 in 10 people have it worldwide—and many don’t even know it because their symptoms are so mild or non-existent. I also learned that even with condoms, the virus can still be transmitted from areas they don’t cover. It’s not about failing to protect yourself; it’s just one of those things that can happen when you’re human and intimate with someone.

Now that I’ve had some time to process, I’m realizing this diagnosis doesn’t define me. I’ve educated myself on how to reduce the risk of transmission. I’ve also been honest with someone I’ve been seeing. We’re not 100% partners yet, but I really hope we will be. I was terrified of telling her, but her understanding and openness reminded me of something important: the right people in your life will see you for who you are, not for a diagnosis.

I’m sharing this because I know how isolating a diagnosis like this can feel. I’ve learned that HSV-2 isn’t a reflection of your choices or your worth. It’s a virus. That’s it. And with the right mindset and precautions, it’s completely manageable.

If you’ve been through something similar or are struggling with a recent diagnosis, I want you to know you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel frustrated or upset at first, but it gets easier. If you have questions or just need someone to talk to, I’m here.

Is anyone here has the same situation as me? I was diagnosed with HSV last september and recovered after taking antivirals. I also never had sex for 3 months a since i was diagnosed with it. And after trying to get laid again, my partner and i found it difficult to do penetration as my kiffy kinda became tight and seems like painful to insert even just his head. Last time he successfully inserted his 1 finger inside me while licking my clit to distract me cause i feel nervous and it feels like a bit uncomfortable to me. Any advise from anyone who experienced this before? I feel pressured for not being back to normal and not giving my partner something that we’re doing normally before and i am also worried that something’s wrong with me as i feel like penetration now is scary for me. Pls any advise or words of encouragement for anyone who also experienced this 😭😭😭

Note; i am also planning to have a counseling as i’m still processing everything that happened to me and thinks i hitted rock bottom because of my situation.

There's this guy that I've been seeing for the past three weeks. In all honesty, I really like him as a person and think there's a possibility of us being in a long term relationship. I disclosed to him on our first date, but since it was my second disclosure (first one went horrible), I was trying to be careful with the terminology I used the first time around. I do think I should've been more straight-forward at the time, but I was honestly nervous for his reaction as it was my first disclosing in person. So, I did tell him cold sores, instead of herpes or hsv-1, and never told him the location, to which he said he was completely fine with it and didn't have any issues at all.

However, I knew that he wasn't properly educated on this, so I disclosed this to him again properly over the phone a couple days later. Well, the next day he cancelled our second date the next day as he was having "headache," but I honestly knew right away that he probably researched more into the diagnosis and wasn't actually comfortable with it. So, he doesn't respond to me when I tell him to feel better. The next day, I told him I'm going to the clinic to get tested (which we both agreed to do before getting intimate) and he didn't respond to me. I honestly started getting very anxious as I thought he blocked me or was ignoring me, so I called him to which he didn't answer. An hour later, he responded back and said that he honestly looked into the whole diagnosis as he didn't really understand it and wasn't sure if he was comfortable with me having this. I right away asked him if he wanted to end things or talk things through, and he said that he wanted to talk on the phone about it later that night.

We talked on the phone and he was very empathetic of my situation, told me it wasn't my fault, and that he doesn't see me any differently. I explained everything in better detail for him, and he said he had a clearer picture of everything as he thought I had hsv-2, and honestly didn't feel as comfortable with me having that in compared to hsv-1. However, he did say that he has several medical conditions and wants some more time to think things through. So, I told him to think about it for a couple days, and then let me know at the end of the week. I even told him that he didn't have to message me at all for the next couple of days in order to give him the space he needs, and he apologized profusely for how he didn't tell me how he was feeling about this for the past couple of days. I was honestly very understanding and he was very understanding of me.

Well, now it's the next day, we haven't talked and I can't help but feel like I should just end things with him. As much as I'm trying to put myself in his shoes right now, I can't help but feel like if he does agree to us getting intimate and having a long-term relationship, that he will feel uncomfortable about this entire time. As much as I like him, I really don't want him to worry about the small risk of him getting it during our relationship. I know this won't happen most of the time, but I don't want my partner to have to go through this entire thought process of having to wonder whether I'm worth it to get this. I don't know, should I just wait out his response or end things with him? He kept telling me that he still wants to consider us being together and doesn't want to end things right away.

Like a lot of us here I’ve been on such a personal journey after getting diagnosed with genital HSV1 last year. And while different things work for different people to cope, I wanted to share a positive transformation. I know it’s easy to get hopeless on these subs and to doom scroll. I get it. Because that was me.

I’d wake up and immediately assess. Anxiously gulp down a massive regiment of supplements. Avoid too much sunlight. Hypervigilant around every sensation or potential trigger. Working out less and resting more out of fear of a trigger. No sex. Everyone said “reduce stress” and it pissed me off. Like do you not think I’m trying with every single decision in my day to minimize stress?

I reached a rock bottom in the summer, after back to back horrible outbreaks, sandwiched by a UTI then multiple YIs due to the antibiotics. I was on an antiviral, antibiotic, and anti fungal at the same time and I was in a dark place mentally after isolating from every person in my life and hadn’t had sex with my LTR in months. (Side note I got into the LTR after my initial diagnosis last year and am open to talk about dating with HSV)

Therapy saved my life. In so many ways. Especially EMDR. I’m happy to discuss techniques and practices in more details in the comments. But I am now months OB free, I take one single supplement (probiotics) and a low dose preventative antiviral. I am not living in hypervigilance of pain or triggers. I am confident in my future again and am finally able to set new goals for my life because I see it as worth living again. I realized I didn’t need to reduce my stress, I needed to learn better stress management skills and to emotionally process the trauma this diagnosis unloaded on me.

I am intelligent and loving and authentic and driven. I am a good friend and great girlfriend. I am a hundred things outside of the trauma the hsv and comorbid infections. There is hope and healing and great therapists who specialize in HSV clients. Sending love to all.

Hi everyone! I’m 20 and I was diagnosed over the summer with genital HSV-1. I’m not dating around yet, but I have been thinking when I decide it’s to date, when is a good time to mention my HSV to potential partner/dates? Like when causally dating or chatting, I feel it’s kinda awkward and irrelevant to mention HSV if we’re just getting to know one another.

However, I don’t want to date someone and we’re sex in the horizon and they lose interest bc of my HSV. Like I feel that’s a waste of both our times and would’ve wished I told them sooner.

How do you all balance it?

Hey everyone this is our chance to have our voices heard!

OASH is requesting comment letters from the general public to help the HHS shape their STI plans for the next few years. Comment letters are due by December 6.

Let’s use this opportunity to its fullest potential. Just a couple of paragraphs can mean the difference between the same old nonsense, or finding a cure!

In my letter, I’ve requested that HSV be put on every STI panel, referenced the fact that these tests actually have less false positives than HIV tests do, and emphasized that HSV testing would reduce the spread of HIV as well.

My hope is that with more people diagnosed, we can stop the spread and also bring awareness and change to the HSV landscape.

What about you all? What specific things do you want to see in HSV advancements for the next 4 years? Is there a certain medication you want approved? Are there overseas treatments that should be available in the US? Do you want more efforts to go towards a cure?

Once you start typing, it only takes a few minutes. Let’s do this!

https://app.smartsheetgov.com/b/form/68aa1bd9c54b42829f99e85cc4ab1e82

PS- if you need help writing your letter, please let me know!

I’ve had oral HSV-1 since i was a child passed from my parents. I’ve never been educated on it and wasn’t taught much about it in school. Although many people have HSV-1 orally it’s very taboo to talk about. I’ve never taken an anti viral and i only get a break out occasionally which is thankfully so minimal and unbothersome- they don’t cause me irritation, you can’t even see them and they go away in a couple days. I feel like it’s usually triggered when i bite the skin off my lips or am stressed. Anyways!! Should I be taking an anti-viral??? i am sexually active and of course restrain from oral sex and kissing while i have a sore but i know it can still be passed without a break out. Am i supposed to be disclosing this to every new partner even though it’s so common?

I've been on WeGovy (semiglutide) injections for 3 weeks now for weight loss and at the end of my third week, I noticed some scary bumps on my labia. I immediately ran to planned Parenthood and the doctor told me this is a herpes outbreak and gave me antivirals. I haven't had sex in a month, and when I did, it was with my FWB who I have been with for well over a year now and have had no problems. Before that, I did receive oral sex from a guy, but the doctor told me that most likely if it was from that, I would have had an outbreak within 2 weeks or so.

Another thing to note is that I DID have a possible exposure from a boyfriend over 7 years ago. I was dating a man, and we were fighting all the time and we never really had sex anymore, our relationship was totally dying. Before we broke up, he experienced a HSV outbreak, went to PP, was diagnosed and given antivirals, but since we weren't having sex before that, we also never had sex after that until we broke up a few weeks later. Two things are possible: he could have cheated because we were miserable together and contracted HSV, or he could have had it dormant for a long time but could have possibly been viral shedding during an earlier time in the relationship when we were having sex. After we broke up, I went to my doctor, she told me to not bother even testing because it would likely come back as positive or in a gray area anyways, and not worry about it unless I had an outbreak. Well, over 7 years with zero outbreaks have passed, until last week.

So then I started doing research. The only thing that has changed in my life has been WeGovy and losing weight (which may be putting stress on my body). I haven't lost a TON though, 8lbs in three weeks. I've lost more than that in two weeks after breakups and not eating anything. After looking into this, I see that semiglutide has an amino acid in it called arginine, which apparently can trigger the herpes virus to cause an outbreak. I bought lysine vitamins to try to counteract this and see if it helps. But I have seen a LOT of people online say that semiglutide has triggered their herpes to cause an outbreak.

So now I have a few questions and dilemmas....

1. I am on the WeGovy because I am tired of being overweight and nothing helping. I have ADHD and my food noise is constant. So WeGovy is actually helping me a lot with suppressing that food noise and being able to eat less often and make healthier choices. Unfortunately though, I AM doing this for vanity reasons. I'm an attractive (so I get told often, this isn't me being vain) woman, but I feel like I have such problems with dating because men only ever want to f**k me, not actually be in a relationship with me. My skinny friends don't seem to have issues finding men who actually want to date them.

SO...for vanity reasons and to help my dating life, I talked to my doctors and she said I quality for WeGovy because although my body holds it's weight pretty well, I am technically at a BMI high enough for weight loss to be beneficial for me. I debated it a lot, but I decided the rewards may be greater than the risks and therefore decided to try it out and just monitor and see if I have any symptoms. And then this outbreak happened. Now I need to decide if this IS what caused the outbreak...if I want to continue this. Because obviously my dating life is also dead if I am actively having outbreaks.

2. Did the WeGovy really trigger the outbreak of something I may have contracted 7 years ago, OR is it more likely I got this recently (even though it's been over a month since sex with my FWB, who I always use condoms with) and it just took a little bit to manifest? I did have an instance over two months ago with my FWB where the condom did come off while we were both drunk and we didn't notice for a little bit. But that has happened a few times during our year plus of playing around and nothing has ever happened before that. I don't know how many people he is sleeping with however, so I know it's possible he got this recently and gave it to me. I have to figure out when we're going to sit down and have this discussion now which I am also incredibly nervous about.

3. I'm on the antivirals now and waiting of this outbreak to go away so I can at least feel somewhat normal again, but I can't help but feel like I am screwed either way. Either I continue this weight loss journey, risk more outbreaks, and risk my sex life being COMPLETELY destroyed because obviously I can't have sex with anyone during or two weeks after an outbreak. Or I stop the weight loss journey, accept the weight I am at (truly nothing helps, I've tried life coaches, trainers, etc., the is the only thing that has worked for me so far because it's controlling my appetite so well), and still have a sex life that will never be the same, but at least if it goes back to being asymptomatic (assuming this is the one I contacted 7 years ago) and I use protection, then I don't have to worry as much about spreading it to new partners.

I feel so overwhelmed and not really sure what to do here.

TLDR; I THINK that WeGovy triggered my first HSV outbreak and I'm unsure what to do next.

Most of the online research I’ve seen has shown it has low shedding rates, low chance of outbreaks, symptoms aren’t bad, etc. Would you guys worry about it? Would you have a short term relationship with someone who has it?

I’ve been on 2 dates with someone. We just kissed and it’s been really good. I have not had to disclose my HSV2 to anyone since I found out in August I have it. I fall asleep repeating scenarios of how I’m going to explain it. Should I call it herpes or HSV2 when I tell them? I feel like herpes is a more known term and hsv2 can sound kind of scary. I don’t know. I need advice please! Help! Should I tell them in person? Or in text? I’m conflicted.

I (27M) am gay and have been living with HIV for 6 years and HSV for 3 years. I am starting to lose hope for my sexual/romantic future. I feel like many gay men are really mean, judgmental, and shallow so they will not accept me for having these diseases...I I think gay men value their sexual freedom so much that they would not be willing to accept a person with herpes. as a partner. I am okay with the HIV because I am undetectable but getting herpes made me feel broken again. I feel like I cannot go out to gay clubs anymore because I feel like a danger to everybody else -- it feels like I shouldn't be there. I've been in therapy for almost 5 years now and it feels like nothing has made me feel better. I am still unhappy and alone. People have tried to reassure me that things will get better with time but I don't believe them. I am cynical. I think things are different for LGBTQ people -- I have only seen straight people talk about herpes on YouTube but I have yet to see a LGBTQ person talk about living with herpes. Why is this issue so taboo in our community? There are literally people on Sniffies/Grindr who say "Bareback Only" and I don't know how people could possibly avoid getting herpes by having casual sex without protection on a regular basis. I know I am not the only gay person with herpes but I still feel very alienated from the community. I genuinely feel so ran through, not because I slept with a lot of people, but because I have these STDs. I do not know what to do. I miss having sex and I am very sad. I hope there is someone out there that can help me feel better.

Has anyone had hsv-1 autoinoculation? I'm talking about those that have had cold sores since childhood and later got ghsv-1?

this is my second outbreak and it’s been over 3 weeks… is this normal i feel like it’s never going to end

Male 28yrs oldge with hbv. I don't know how to put that, i tried fb and some other sites but haven't found any. I have option to hide my status like everyone else but i don't want to ruin someone's life. If someone with any kind of std is interested in something serious m in.( I know this group is not for hbv people but it's so hard to find a partner with something like that hope u guys understand).

Ok so I was diagnosed with hsv1 genital 3 years ago my 1s outbreak was bad. My most recent one was late July early August this year. I had a serial encounter in Sept 19 and after I have had a plethora of symtoms. To where I though I had hiv. I've done testing for stds at 2 4 9 and 10.5 weeks and they are negative minus hsv1. I did 4th geb and rna for hiv at 9 weeks. So I can say I dont have hiv.

But my current sytmoms are dizziness, burning skin, pins n needles numbness in feet and muscle twitches. Do any of you experience these sytmoms with hsv?

Also what is considered a high level. My last hsv test it was 6.09 is that high? Thank you

As a start, I'm a 22M and I got my first symptoms back in September after losing my virginity to SA. My first OB was brutal, and it was excruciating to say the least. I thankfully got meds, and now I take them daily, and they seem to be working as I haven't had an outbreak since. Though there is still some occasional redness underneath my foreskin. Which might be a side effect of the below in parentheses.

NSFW in parentheses. (Also weird thing that has happened is that ever since, I have had a much higher amount of smegma as before. Where I could've gone a day before with very little, now every couple hours there will be a fair amount. It's like the layers of skin just keep dying much faster, not sure why, or if anyone else has had a similar experience.)

Though I'm ngl my mental state has kind of tanked, and the thought of suicide seems to never be far from my mind. It's hard to imagine myself living as a normal person again, I feel sub-human most days. I never really was one to try to date either, only having one GF, and honestly I might not even try now as I never want to have the opportunity to give this to someone. I just hate thinking about it constantly.

I’ve been miserable for months a never ending stream of break outs. It was so horrible. Antivirals and my normal tricks weren’t working. I read on here about how high oxygen levels in the blood is the only thing that will break the cell wall of the herpes virus. Went on Amazon and bought oxygen canisters.

https://a.co/d/51hzEEe

I’ve been taking 4 deep breaths holding them in for a few seconds once a day. Miraculously I haven’t had a break out since.
I plan on getting liquid oxygen and using creams on the spine to up the oxygen level. Hopefully eventually this will rid my body of the virus. If not, I can handle breathing extra oxygen everyday to keep it at bay. I really hope this information helps others. None of us deserve this curse!

I tested positive a little over two years ago. I had just broken it off with a man that i loved and who was always good to me and went back to my sons father (stupid stupid life choice for many many reasons) and within 2 weeks of being back together i got my first outbreak. Should’ve been red flag #1 that i shouldn’t have gone back. About 3 months ago i broke it off. In all the time i had been HSV2+ i had only been with the person who gave it to me so it was never really something i worried about.

Well, only a few weeks after my breakup, that same guy reached back out to me! And you know how the saying goes “if you love something set it free, if it comes back…” So i was happy to catch up and reconnect. I was honest with him about the horrible relationship i had just put myself thru and he was very forgiving about how hastily i ended things between us and then blocked him. I felt horrible and truly made the wrong choice. He was also very okay with taking things slow and seeing how it goes until i was ready for more. I never mentioned the HSV, bc what would be the point if we fell off again?

It’s now been 2 months of consistency and the times we have hung out things have gotten a bit passionate, but not too far yet. I started to worry about having to disclose this to him, because if it’s a deal breaker, I’d have to respect that and let him go. At the same time, it’s started to feel like I’m wasting his time and emotional energy by not telling him if that’s the case. This has made me become a bit withdrawn and he picked up on it.

So today, i told him. I laid it all out in a text message while we were already having a heartfelt, honest line of communication about our feelings. It took him a bit to reply and i was sooo nervous i almost drenched my shirt with sweat 😅. His response? “There’s not much that could stop me from wanting you, you’d have to be a serial killer or something crazy”. Said he’d done a lot of research when a girl disclosed to him years ago and learned a lot about it.

I feel like a huge weight is lifted off my chest. Truly it was holding me back from allowing myself to have stronger feelings for him. I was trying to protect my heart from getting broken if it wasn’t gonna be okay with him. I feel so thankful and grateful that this man has been so patient and understanding of the bullshit that’s been me and my life since 4.5 years ago when we met at a gas station. 2 years i spent dodging him while i was off and on in a toxic relationship with my sons dad, 6 months we spent together and it was great, and 2 years no contact while i went back to the abuse. Yet he’s maintained genuine interest in me the whole time, beyond just wanting sex. I’m gonna hold on tight to this one you guys. He’s a walking green flag 🥹

I got HSV2 from a person who was well aware they had the virus - I had a couple bumps on myself and went to the doctor to get it checked out. This person gave me HSV2 and chlamydia. Obviously I was devastated and bla bla blah - I am working on it currently, I refuse to let it consume me however, the thought of eating a bullet was rushing my mind from the jump (I was diagnosed in June of this year). I understand this seems extreme but it did take a major toll on my mental health. And instead of staying with that person I decided they brought this upon me willingly which is extremely disrespectful so I told them to kick rocks.

Moving forward I discovered someone who I grew very fond of. We have only been talking a few months and they wanted to get active right away but I told them I couldn’t and I felt it was too soon, I definitely wanted to but with my new condition I can’t find it in myself to ever make someone feel the same way I do, it is simply not an option. I told them as soon as I realized this was someone I could see myself pursing with about my diagnosis - I sent a long paragraph basically stating what I have, how I got it, and what I do to tame the beast (suppressive therapy). They were very sweet in responding but decided we should remain friends - they made sure to inform me they would still be there for me and agreed it is unfortunate that it is a stigma thing and that they were always there to be an open ear and they wanted to still be in my life. I agreed and expressed gratitude for the kindness. Just a few days after we continued to talk and they even included me in future events - we have been seeing eachother still and this is literally a god sent of a human but I sometimes wonder what it will turn into.

We have not had sex but we still have ways of being intimate, I honestly like what we have going but feel scared. I am essentially waiting for a decision to be made but I am comfortable with taking it day by day. Am I a fool for engaging in this? I don’t want to break my own heart if they decided they do not want to be sexually active with me over time but as time goes on it becomes harder to envision my life without them due to the happiness and contentment they bring me. They also asked to be in a relationship so we are dating.

What would you do in this situation?

It's hard dating in 2024 lol. It's especially hard trying to date someone when you have hsv. The anxiety of like having to tell someone you really like hey I gotta tell you something . Sometimes it seems like I'll be alone forever. I've changed my life around and am doing really good. That's the only area where my life is lacking. I'm grateful for everything in my life. It just be nice if I had someone to share it with.

Would you consider oral HSV2 a big deal?

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Hi everyone. I’m 22F and I’ve recently entered a new relationship with a guy. We are so compatible and he is amazing, it’s been over a month now and we are official. We’ve been having sex since early late October/ early November.

Last weekend after we had sex I felt very itchy and weird. I assumed it was a water infection and didn’t think anything else of it. But a few days ago, on Thursday, I got these bumps on the side of my vulva. They didn’t look like razor burn or anything. Long story short, they’ve become big and swollen. I went to my GP and she said she wasn’t 100% sure of what it was and sent me away with nothing other than a number to call (it was a sexual health clinic). The clinic was closed and no where has been open over the weekend. I’m going to a clinic tomorrow where I’ll get an official diagnoses but I’m almost 100% sure it’s genital herpes, and I’m almost certain that my new bf gave it to me. The thing is, I’m panicking over what his reaction may be. I’m very scared he may break up with me over this. I saw him this weekend and told him I was too sore to have sex and that I get very bad water infections. He was super understanding, but idk. I’m just so nervous he will leave me if I do have herpes. Even though there’s no way of knowing who gave it to who. I’m not gonna be seeing him this weekend as he wants time with friends so I will have to wait two weeks to tell him about it after I get diagnosed tomorrow. Wtf do I do.

How do I tell my bf about this?? What kinds of things should I say?? I don’t want him to leave me over this.

Please tell me it gets better. Please. This is my first outbreak and I cannot cope with this for any longer. I am in anguish. I’ve never felt pain this horrendous in my life before. I hate everything. I have no meds because no where is open - I have to wait until tomorrow. I’m in so much pain. So much pain.

I don’t have a positive test yet but this is agonising. I have a feeling I have type two because my partner does not get coldsores around the mouth. I have been given a gel to rub into my ulcers on my vulva as well as Aciclovir- I got given these today. I’ve put lots of the gel on and taken 2 of the aciclovir, will take the other one later tonight. It helped the pain lots at first but now the pain is back to how it started. This is only day 4 of my first outbreak. I’m in agony. Please help. What can I do to reduce the pain??

Seems like everybody in this subreddit is from the US, as most people are saying they take tablets daily. In the UK, you only take the antivirals when you feel early symptoms of an outbreak coming on. I’m just a bit nervous about this as I really don’t want recurrent outbreaks.

I’ve been getting bumps they start off as an itch on face then pop open leave small hole opening and leak clear fluid & they all come in the same spot is it hsv1 on my face?