Saw something that pissed me off in r/ftm. Some 5'11 trans dudes said that they wish they were shorter because they feel awkward in trans men spaces. I would kill for that height. I would kill to be average at least. Idk I feel like a dick for thinking this but at the same time it's fucking stressing me out.

I’ve always considered myself to be a bottom when it comes to sexual things, but I feel like if I always bottom I’d feel like shit. I’m fine with having a Perceived-Vagina™️ and penetration that way, and I don’t know if I’d enjoy penetrating my sexual partner unless they also have a vagina, as I’ve always been grossed out by anal. I feel like I want to top, but I don’t know how I’d go about it when I don’t have anything to penetrate with. Can I still top without a penis / strap? Does anyone have any advice? Help a guy out 😞

I feel like there is a severe lack of normal people these days. I know many normal people but I’m speaking as a whole. Generalizing.

The modern left wing position on families is that it’s bad to be a mom and want to raise a family since the planet won’t exist in 5 years (they’re exaggerating) and you need to dedicate yourself to corporations/careers.

The right wing position is still normal but the majority of those women are not open to dating a trans man. I’ve noticed this for years but the women who want to get married and have a kid or two obviously prefer normal cis men.

The women who are open to trans men typically don’t want married or a normal relationship. I don’t want some 3 way or poly situation. And outside of dating, me being trans is irrelevant so I’m not in any lgbt movements or agendas. Being trans is the least interesting thing about me.

Do I just give up on this now or what?

Hey Ya’ll, I live in the Deep South and I want to get my name legally changed before Trump makes it even harder or impossible; my issue is that I don’t have a middle name yet, and I have a lot of guilt over changing my name at all.

Before I came out, my mom told me that she gave me my names because to her they represented some of her happiest memories. I was a rainbow baby and she said that my names brought her a lot of hope after her miscarriage.

I started going by my first name in 2017, and I already feel guilty about what I chose because it was just a random name I liked off a baby naming website. I like my name but I’m overwhelmed with guilt over choosing a middle name since there’s so much connected to my birth names. I’ve had this guilt since she told me in 2018 and I can’t shake it. I think I want to find some way to honor my birth names as a middle name, but idk how to do it.

Getting rid of my birth names entirely makes me feel sick to my stomach with guilt because my parents went through so much before having me. I haven’t opened up about this to anyone before and I would really appreciate advice.

brooo why am i being they themed even when my friends introduce me with he/him pronouns. i’ll introduce myself with he/him pronouns and instead of binary man i am suddenly nonbinary!!! what?

also i live in nyc like im surrounded by queer ppl all the time so its like shouldn’t they understand this more?? I am being assigned nonbinary by QUEER people. i am a guy. i am not nonbinary.

it feels the same as being called she/her it’s still misgendering even if it’s the “neutral” pronoun. i mean i get it if we’ve never talked or you’ve never heard of me but when i am introduced and present as a binary man why do they feel a need to nonbinary me 😭

like i dont bind 16h a day and inject ball juice in my stomach to be they/themed. ik ill pass soon but its like. come onnnnn. especially the queer ppl!!!

but this is not worse than the time i was at a mostly queer party, and someone came up to me after hearing me referred to with he/him pronouns and said “ahh a fellow masc lesbian!! i love you’re style” my skin crawled i was like… um. i am a gay man. but thank you! i love lesbians 🫶🏽🫶🏽

I'm just very confused so I don't even know if this is relevant here. If it isn't, I'll delete it.

In every relationship - before transitioning - I had I never really felt loved, I only felt useful, and that people were keeping me company because of the things I brought to the table. And I kinda got used to feeling like that. Obviously it didn't help that I was dating with "the wrong body", and that people were seeing me as a woman (even my gay cis partner who wanted to "try something new", well joke's on him)

But now after being on T for years I finally let my guard down and realized I had the time to be with someone. And now when I get affection it kinda hurts?? I just feel so alone all the time, and I was used to being the giver, not the receiver, so I get so confused when someone is nice to me. Sometimes I feel like I'd cry if it weren't impossible lmao.

Is this a T related thing? Or this is common men experience?

Yes I am already in psychotherapy (cognitive behavioral therapy, for adhd and autism) and I will approach this topic soon.

LORD.

i’ve been going by the same name since i was in sixth grade. i’m in college now. it’s a fine name. i mean, my twelve year-old self had an insane power to name me for the rest of my life, so i’m very fortunate that he didn’t choose some stupid ass name. it’s normal. it’s not clocky. doesn’t really raise any eyebrows (except for the time someone very sincerely asked me if i was italian).

but it’s just kind of like …

i cannot describe it. i don’t dislike my name nearly enough to halt the process of changing it. i’m content to resign myself to it. i guess it’s just that there’s not a whole lot of significance to it?

i chose it because it started with the same letter as my deadname and because it contained some of the same letters of my deadname. i thought the transition would be easier on my parents that way. that’s it. that’s the only reason i picked it.

the result has been that my dad only calls me a halfway nickname between my deadname and my preferred name. that satisfied me when i was in middle school. it does not satisfy me as an adult.

when i graduated high school, i took a long look at myself in the mirror and knew that i wanted to go by something else. i was having an identity crisis (not gender identity, but who i am as a person beyond my hometown), though, so i just waited for my identity crisis to subside and stopped thinking about my name once it was over. it was easier not to think about it.

i was actively avoiding thinking about it, even when i started the process to legally change my name, because i thought it’d be too much of a headache to change it socially. moreover, i’m stealth, and it would raise flags in people’s heads if i randomly changed my name. now that i’m in college, i realize that it doesn’t really matter because i don’t see anyone from my past anymore day-to-day. but, again, i’ve been actively avoiding thinking about the subject. i haven’t thought about it for a hot minute.

three nights ago, my friends asked me what my middle name is. i told them my middle name — and it suddenly struck me that i would so much prefer to go by my middle name. i love my middle name. it actually has significance. it’s been in the family for ages, and i genuinely like the way it sounds. now, i can’t shake the thought. it’s all i think about. i’m going INSANE.

fortunately, it’s a lot less clocky to start going by my middle name than to fabricate a new name out of thin air, so i feel a lot better about making that change. i think i’m just going to continue the process of my legal name change and start going by my middle name.

the problem is that my dad isn’t overly accepting of my transition, and my middle name was his father’s name. i think he’d probably struggle to accept it as my primary calling.

ugh NIGHTMARE!

I’ve never fully presented as male in real life until recently due to family and safety reasons. When I got my current job I decided on a whim to ask my manager if I could use a chosen name at work instead. I got hired in a day so I didn’t have time to think it through and went with Felix since it’s the first name of the composer of one of my favorite concertos that I’ve played. (Former classical violinist)

At first i regretted it but I’ve been using it at work and everywhere else since then and over the last few months it really grew on me. The only issue is I’m 24 so I’m worried Felix is too clocky of a name for me.

I plan on going stealth in the future so I don’t want a name that will out me. On one hand after using it for a while it feels like me, and my birth name was also very uncommon when I was born so using another uncommon name for my birth year feels “right”. But it’s not worth it if it’s gonna clock me later on. I don’t love the name either, i think it’s a bit silly but it also feels like me if that makes sense. Like it feels like the kind of name I would have had if I was born male, the kind of name my parents would have given me.

I’m tall and pretty androgynous pre-t so I’m not very worried about not being able to fully pass in the future so it’s not like I need my name to do the heavy lifting for me, I just don’t want it to hurt me.

I’m planning on legally changing my name soon since I’m in the US, so I need to make my mind up pretty soon. It’s tricky though since apart from my job I don’t have anywhere I can try out a new name and I’m not comfortable changing my name at work so if I pick something else I’d be going in blind.

This is going to be long, and I honestly don’t expect anyone to read it all but I just need to get it out. Sorry if it’s a jumbled mess. It feels like everything is falling apart.

The election is fucking with me, as it is for all of us in America. I’m incredibly fortunate to be about as safe as a trans person can be under trump, but it’s weighing on me so hard. I can’t get it out of my head that more than half of voters picked the man who campaigned on hating us. The racist, rapist, convicted felon. The man who made no attempt to even hide his fascism. Even if he accomplishes nothing he is planning, I’m still scared for my son to grow up in a country where that happened.

I feel guilty about not doing more to help other trans people sooner. I regularly donate to trans charities and I always defend trans people as a “cis ally” when it comes up, but I’ve been much less politically active in recent years. I know I don’t “owe” anyone advocacy, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve failed everyone.

I don’t want to go into details, but I have PTSD from something that happened in 2016. I’ve worked through it in therapy and was mostly past it, but some things in the past year or so brought it back to the surface. I was doing better for a month or so but then the election ruined that progress. The trauma has nothing to do with the election itself, but it happened at the time of the 2016 election, so current events have triggered it. I’m not sleeping well and am constantly on edge. I can’t focus at work, which is awful since my job is critical to the company.

I overall just feel really pathetic. There’s so many people who have it way worse than me. I’m dysphoric over just having to see my birth name on some documents when I go to change it. I haven’t seen or heard that name in over a decade, and just having to see it is what’s kept me from dealing with my passport. There’s trans people who have lost access to healthcare, are banned from using the correct bathrooms, the ability to change documents, have no legal protections, and I’m upset about seeing some paperwork. It’s pathetic.

The following day before I could even fully process the election results, my company laid off about 1/4 of the employees and told us that they have maybe 5 months to turn things around or else it’s going under. I have no idea what im going to do if it does. I genuinely love my job. I Iike my coworkers, I like the work I do, they’re super flexible and good to me, and it pays well. I’m not going to find anything else like it without relocating far away, which I can’t do. The only option I have for other jobs that I can support my family with are soul crushing 12 hour rotating shifts in manufacturing. I’ve done it before and it was so physically and mentally draining. It’ll destroy me to do that again. We have some savings, but we need a new car and have had to drop about $1200 on vet bills in the past couple months. We will most likely need to move in with my parents temporarily. I’m lucky to even have that option, but it makes me feel like a failure. I hold myself to some standards as a man, husband, and father that I know are toxic but can’t seem to let them go.

Losing this job would also mean losing the incredible insurance coverage that comes with it. I’ll survive forgoing medical care for a bit, but my wife is disabled and we need good coverage for her. I don’t even want to think about how trump being in office is going to affect her social security benefits…

Thanks to anyone who actually read through all of this. I kinda just need to vent, but advice is welcome too.

Hi guys.I'm going to start swimming again this month and I need a swimming binder.I tried already trans tape and it didn't work out for me.Any recommendation is welcome.

The current job I have stated that they don’t discriminate in the documents. But I was wondering if anyone is currently transitioning while working a job. How has it turned out for y’all? What about changing your names and documents how did that go?

I am prescribed testosterone cypionate 200mg/mL in 1 mL vials. I found an older unopened box and I was wondering about the difference between the discard after date on the label from the pharmacy versus the expiration date printed on the vial. The label from the pharmacy says discard after April 2024, but the expiration date on the vial is October 2025. Would it hypothetically be safe to use? Or is it better to go by when the pharmacy says you should discard it?

Hey guys so I’ve been thinking about a non realistic stp. I’m a high schooler and I live with my parents. They’re somewhat supportive and let me get a binder and use minoxidil but I know my mom doesn’t want me to medically transition. I pass and use the men’s restroom but lately I’ve found it awkward to sit to pee. So here’s just some questions.

How do you use one in public? With the ones I see online it usually says you should wash it immediately after but you can’t really do that when you’re actually out somewhere. Should I just put it back in like the little carrying bag it comes in.

Should I ever use it on my period?

Also recommendations on which one to get would help. I’m probably going to get on Amazon because that’s like one of the online shopping sites my parents trust.

I feel a little awkward asking this but uh yeah.

From my experience, I can't really get close with someone without eventually telling them I am trans. Mostly because I can't really share details about my past, my relationship with my parents, my experience growing up, etc without having the context of being born and raised as female until I was 17 and moved out.

So in a lot of conversations, especially at work, where we sometimes talk about personal things (pretty informal work environment which I like), I struggle with what to say because it could be taken really well or it may not be recieved well at all. There have been times where I just don't say anything or contribute because then it's that awkward moment of them realizing I'm trans and the "oh my God, really?!" because I pass really well now and don't really bring it up.

About half the people I work with know because we've gotten somewhat close enough where I felt like I could tell them so I could talk about key points in my life like my relationship with my parents and family (which isnt good because of it). But I feel like I can't get close to anyone without eventually telling them because of that. Idk, how do you guys get around it? Is it just not something that has significantly impacted your life so it isn't important to mention? Did you start transitioning socially at a young age so there isn't a lot of time that you identified as female? Do you just lie? Idk. I don't really want everyone to know I'm trans and there's always the chance that whoever I tell would tell someone else so I'm just a bit at a loss here.

Edit: I really appreciate the responses. If anyone has any more to add, they are totally welcome. I think that I just really don't like that it has to be something discussed to get any deeper into my life with people. Because I can't really fib about a lot of things or even tell half truths and the story still make sense, plus lying leaves a bad taste in my mouth and I don't like the idea of having to remember what I lied about (cause I have a shitty memory as is lmao). Idk I guess it's something to get used to if I want to have closer relationships where people actually know all of me and not just tid bits of info. For context btw, I'm 22. I knew I was trans at about 14 and started transitioning at 17 when I left my abusive household. T started at 18, almost 19, so I've been on it for about 3.5 years. Thank you for the kind words and personal reflections. It means a lot that yall took the time to type them out.

maybe i’m a miserable ass hater, but i truly despise seeing ftms that pass flawlessly but constantly talk about being trans and out themselves all the time. they could be tall as hell, have a great bone structure and never get clocked but they insist on letting the whole damn world know that they’re trans. it’s a waste of good genetics.

it’s not fair that they get to be completely cis passing but guys that would give anything to be able to go stealth end up being the clocky ones. they’re so fucking ungrateful.

Has anybody else had issues with this? I went from low dose gel (in packet) to a higher dose (in tube) and my T level tanked by 200 NG/DL... I have had success with gel in the past and maintaining at cis levels (~750 NG/DL) for years before. Is it possible my body is not absorbing it the same way anymore or something?

I am switching to injections but I want to know wtf is going on...

Asking because I have been considering going stealth when I get a new job and when getting to college again. I plan on doing so after getting top surgery next year. Anything I should pay attention to while going stealth, aside from not telling people I'm trans?

My documents have my new name and my sex marker is male on them as well.

I noticed that I don't really want to tell anyone about it.

It feels sorta weird because it is great news, I have been waiting for this for very long. It's in 2 months and so far only my companion and my boss (who is also a friend) are aware. I thought about how I'd tell my parents or friends and, well-

Tbh I think I don't wanna tell them. My parents would get pissy but my friend would react well so that's not exactly the issue. I don't really know why, I just want to do my stuff and be free and be done with it.

I don't know if I should feel guilty. I know my parents will be upset about it, but I'm tired of feeling like I have to report every thing that happens in my life to them.

If anyone wants to share their experience or discuss it, I would appreciate it, thanks.

I'm considering living celibate. I feel like the majority wouldn't date us, and there's also the risk of chasers. Besides, many people expect you to immediately disclose that you're trans, and I just don't feel like doing that. I mean, I don't ask a cis man how big his penis is on the first date and then cut off contact because of it. But if we as trans people don't disclose it, it's somehow wrong or something. I could have the best personality ever, but apparently, my genitals are more important. How is one supposed to feel attractive or wanted in that situation?"

I’m a college student. I’m almost a year on T, and I use the men’s restroom (it’d be weird if I didn’t—I pass unless someone is a hardcore transvestigator)

I was in the restroom in one of the buildings on-campus and there was no one in there. So I went to the handicap stall, did my business. And then while I was pulling up my pants, I saw that there was a guy looking at me through the crack in the stall door. And it was a campus security guard. Like probably in his 30s. I covered my genital area when I saw him, and I think when I did that he walked away from the door.

So then I tried to book it out of the restroom and I saw him again. And he was making like… he was essentially mime-ing masturbation? And like doing it at me. I managed to book it out of there and run back to my friends that I was hanging out with.

I went to Title IX today and explained what happened, and they told me that they could not even start the investigation for 90 days.

Meanwhile, this perv that’s really into peeping on young men will continue to have full access to a campus filled with potential victims.

I know the guy broke the law. And some part of me wants to maybe go to campus police —and I want to feel optimistic that they would get on this quicker than Title IX. But I’m scared of interacting with the police because I’m trans.

My legal name and gender haven’t been changed. So I’d be filing the report and it would essentially read as a female shudders being in the men’s room. I don’t know if that could cause any problems for me—like that I shouldn’t have even been in that restroom to begin with.

I just don’t want to make this situation anymore traumatic than it already is—and I feel like cops could do that. Any and all advice is welcome. I just want to feel safe on campus again.

I have two more years before I can start getting around to changing my legal name. I'm excited to bury my deadname once and for all, but I'm starting to feel like the name I've been going as for the past four years is going to screw me over professionally. Long story short, I read the Illiad and decided to go by Ajax. It feels perfect to me, but I don't know if it's considered it in the same category of names like "Forest", "Rain", "Moss". You know, the relatively easy to clock names? The names people laugh at? I already get made fun of enough by friends and strangers alike for changing my name at all, so I'd probably be shooting myself in the foot changing it twice. Has anyone gone through anything similar and reached a conclusion about it? Does the name Ajax make me sound like a joke? Is it worth changing it to something common, or does it matter less than I think it does?

Let's try a weekly thread where you can feel welcome to share anything going on in your mind, not necessarily even FTM related, without feeling self-conscious.

If you are struggling and are looking for support, please use this thread to discuss your issues with other users.

Please bear in mind the following suggested guidelines:

• Be kind. Harsh language and rudeness will not be tolerated. The aim is to support and help, not demotivate and abuse.

• Top level comments are reserved for those seeking advice.

If this is a bust or if mods think it's inappropriate, i'll delete it.

I’ve been on testosterone for almost five years. Legal name/sex is changed and my documents are sealed. Had top surgery last May. I pass 100% of the time (or so I thought), and have not been misgendered or clocked since before I started T, and even then I was rarely ever misgendered.

I started a new job on the fifth. A friend of mine is also friends with my new manager and works for the same company (different building), but I’ve asked him to downplay our friendship for personal reasons. My manager knows we know one another, though.

Within days of starting, my manager texted my (our, I guess?) friend asking him if I was gay. My friend denied knowing, but he did let me know that he asked. I thought it was kind of funny, but left it at that.

Today, my friend sent me a cropped screenshot of someone at work (I am assuming the same manager, although my friend won’t say) asking if I’m trans over text. More specifically, the wording was, “someone at work asked if ‘Name’ is trans lol wtf”.

Again, my friend said he didn’t know. I asked him if that was my manager asking and my friend said he wasn’t going to tell me. So now I’m a little paranoid and confused because “someone” implies that there is another person that thinks I’m trans? I don’t particularly care that much, I just don’t want to be outed my second week of work or for rumors to start. Is there a way I can approach this situation or do I just need to let it go and see what happens?

I'm a 25 year old transgender person and came out two years ago. I began my transition not being completely sure if I was a man, nonbinary or a woman, but I was aware that living as a feminine woman wasn't working. I have been back and forth with identifying as a nonbinary person or a man.

I didn't manage to figure it out yet. I only got back to seriously questioning if I'm a binary man today when I realised that living as a stealth trans man wouldn't be too bad for me and I started to think about whether changing my sex to nonbinary in mt documents would be worth it.

I'm fine being perceived as a man even if I don't fit as one all the time. I plan on talking about this in therapy, but I wanted to ask for advice on things that could help figure that out or you can share your experiences as a binary man. You can ask questions if I didn't give enough information.

Like the title says, does anyone know what happened to ftmi.org? It feels like the few ftm things I knew of keep disappearing and it's bumming me out.

I was curious if anyone has successfully changed their diagnosis from dysphoria to low T

A few weeks ago my provider lowered my dose from 0.3 ml to 0.2 ml because the labs showed my blood was too thick. Physically I feel about the same but I'm having a hard time mentally accepting it. I'm a pretty big guy and I know people who are smaller than me and on a higher dose with no problems. I know it's not one size fits all, but the mean voice in the back of my head is telling me I'm less of a man because of my lower dose.

So when i wash my binder (from spectrum) i keep getting these sort of sticky white streaks or marks on the sides and all over. Am i using too much detergent? I use about a quarter of a cap full

I wish I was a man. I wish I could be a man. I know I feel like a man, I get that a lot of trans guys say they don’t really feel like guys cause you can’t really feel like a gender, but I know I do. I feel like a man. All my emotions and personality and everything feels male. Inside I feel like a guy. But I feel like I’m not allowed to be. I’m scared I’ll detransition in the future, and that means I can’t be a man in the present. I just need permission or something to be a man. I know I’m like 16, so not a “man” technically yet, and I could change in the future, but right now all I want more than anything on earth is to be a man. I’m failing all my tests and basically destroying my social life cause I’m so terrified of detransitioning and not being a man. I just want to be a man dude. Can I even be a man? I just wish I was a man. But what if I’m not even trans?? What if I have to detransition cause I’m not a man?? Or what if I’m not man enough?? I wish I was a man

I grew up in Saudi Arabia until I turned 18, then moved for college . Before that I didn’t have any hope of transitioning. But now that I live in Jordan I found out that transitioning isn’t illegal here, so I can go and get diagnosed with gender dysphoria, but the problem is there is no clear legal pathway for transitioning here. Plus I’d be hunted down by my extended family 💀 So do I just wait until after college to move to a different country and start the process? Or can I start now since therapy is way cheaper here than most countries where transitioning is legal? Btw I’m out to my psychiatrist and therapist but they know I don’t want to transition in Jordan. Do I ask for a diagnosis regardless? Like would it help or not?