I have to receive this treatment within the own trans community which does make me feel I welcomed.

Lately this toxicity and treatment has gotten worse at work since I do work in a female dominated work place (I just work in fast food tbh). There's only like 3 or 4 guys including myself and the whole place is pretty much run as if it's a high school full of drama. But I have alot of co workers who have this girls group thing going on and a lot of favoritism at play. I was dealing with alot a couple months back after recovering from my hysto I ended up crying on the job and was told to shut up and man up in front of customers.

I hate being on the receiving end of transphobia and toxic masculinity both in the trans community and just in my every day life. I do enjoy my more masculine body. I don't indeed on detransitioning. This is just reeally getting to me since I have no family and friends. And most friends I have are women who have the same stances and views regarding masculinity. And it's pushed onto me a lot as a sort of expectation since I'm a trans man as if this is what I wanted so own up to it kind of thing.

Even when I was homeless before since my parents did disown me I struggled finding a place or room mates since most preferred female room mates. There was a lack of resources for homeless men and I felt extremely guilty to use the available resources for women even though I was in an abusive and toxic environment myself.

I have lost hope myself honestly. Maybe I'm just ranting at this point and I hope nothing comes off weird. I'm trying my best to explain my frustration with this system that was built. It's just frustrating as a trans man where I have experienced different perspectives in how people treated me before and after transition. Not to say I still didn't get harassed by people before transition because I definitely did but I had more support from the women in my life as opposed to now where I'm just trash that needs to be taken out and eliminated.

I apologize again if anything came off weird. My mental health is absolutely trash rn and I am so hesitant on getting a therapist because I've also had therapists enable the same kind of toxicity and views. So what even is the point of getting a therapist who'll just tell me to man up.

I am closeted except to a handful of people, although I've known I was trans since my childhood (I'm 20 now). Part of knowing from an early age but knowing I might never transition, at least not in the forseeable future, is that I kind of pushed the dysphoria to the back of my brain and make zero actual effort to pass other than my naturally masculine tastes in clothing and such (although there's a limit to that due to the culture I'm in and because I'm too short for some things to fit me right). My philosophy was that I just won't bother complaining or worrying about the shit I can't change.

Anyway recently since my hair's been past my shoulders I've been feeling these intense waves of dysphoria I haven't felt in ages and suddenly I hate everything I have. The worst offender really is my height and how small my hands amd feet are. I never stood a chance. I want to will this wave away again and continue putting the dysphoria in a little metaphysical box to stuff away and never think about it, exactly like I used to do.

Hope the rest of you are having a better night than I am.

Right know I'm having a very bad episode of dys that prevent me to do normal things. I must have dinner and study for college test and I can't I feel stupid and pathetic. My gf is trying to do everything she can but everything is useless

I really hate going to the gynecologist, like, full on. Apart from the whole dysphoria thing (which obviously sucks), my gynecologist (which is kind of a distant parent but whatever) always acts like... basically an asshole. She always misgenders me, treats the whole thing as if it's a "choice" and treats me like a dumbass. I don't think she needs me to tell me that I have a uterus, I'm well aware of that. She's always making snarky remarks about my hormonal therapy and today she said that she doesn't get why they don't use hormone blockers instead of testosterone which is just??? Crazy???? I basically dropped my psychologist for the same reason (she would always talk ill about the psychiatrist and psychologist who "certified" I was trans and treated me being trans as if it was a choice). I genuinely hate this whole situation lmao and I don't know what to do because my mom wants me to stick with her as soon as I go to uni (which is about 2hrs from here). Also sorry for any mistakes but this is kind of a rant post lmao

I do some ignorant fandubs with people in discord, and I've tried a deep voice filter on my voice to see how it would be like, and, I'm suprised at how much it sucks. It's way too weird and deep, and robotic. Not natural at all. I've tried adjusting it in every way but nothing seems to fit my voice. It's either way too deep it's ridiculous or not enough. I've tried it on the voice of some girls i have dubbed with and on them that same filter sounds so good and natural no matter the settings, they sound like damn hot guys. Is it the way i talk? For reference, i dub kids or androgynous characters because my voice doesn't fit neither men or women at the moment. Will i need to learn to speak differently when i start T to avoid looking 12 and sounding like a 55 year old jazz singer?

I’m about 7 years on T and want to go on fin for male pattern baldness. Will this impact my transition in any way? Slow facial hair growth or limit muscle mass? Any other side effects you’ve had, transition or non transition related? Looking for comments from guys who have actually taken it. Thanks

Asking this because I have been passing consistently as a guy, but still fail to experience any real connection with other men I've met in person so far and still remember how it felt like to experience imposed womanhood.

I no longer believe I'm nonbinary, so I'm not really questioning if I'm really a man. I was just wondering if anyone else here also feels out of place with other guys? Not sure if the fact that I'm queer and autistic makes me feel that way too.

So I'm Russian but I speak English most of the time (which I've had relative success voice training in), but I've been around Russian family more lately and am trying to decrease dysphoria by voice training but I've noticed that it feels way more difficult to drop my voice, and kind of hurts and I can't get it to feel right in my throat? I know a lot of AFAB Russians talk in the same high-pitched way I used to but I'm not sure if it's that cultural thing, or if it's because I'm moving my mouth differently?

Anyone else have that problem, or any advice on what I can do?

There’s like one person in my family who doesn’t know yet. She’s crazy religious Catholic. Like giving us a kit to exorcise our house kinda crazy. She regular talks to us about things like abortion bad, gay people bad, tattoo bad, you get the picture. I’ve managed to make excuses and avoid her so far, but I can’t this year. I mean my voice is lower than most men. I can defend myself, I just don’t want her to start shit on Christmas and honestly regardless of what I say I feel like it’d go bad (not helped by the fact I’m going to pregame family dinner). Anyone experienced with this? Like what’s the best thing I can do and say? Not really sure how to deal with it

ive been on T for a little over a year but i havent gotten any more body hair? my arms and legs still look very smooth which is funny because in my early years of Highschool i use to shave everyday because we had uniforms with skirts and i was really insecure about my dark leg hair lol, but now i look freshly shaved naturally, im neutral about this but i do really want a happy trail and thigh hair, this is just funny to me because i was expecting to get super hairy on T like my dad, i told my peers about my non existent hair growth and they came to the conclusion that its because im asian and they’ve never seen a super hairy asian before lol (to clear things up my dad is only half chinese and my mum is full thai which if true it explains why my dad is hairy) is anyone else experiencing this?

This ain't very ho ho ho and merry, and idk if this fits the vibe of this sub but I tried asking in r/ask doctors and r/ ask a therapist and both places were wildly unhelpful

Ok I'm not sure how to talk about this I'm really sorry. It's probably going to be long and I'm really sorry.

For context, I'm 15 and a (trans) dude. I have gotten diagnosed with anxiety and depression and my primary doctor wants me on antidepressants. I need help deciding if what I am currently expirencing mentally warrants talking to the next doctor I see and begging for help or talking to my therapist about this.

The next doctor I see is my endocrinologist. He obviously doesn't specialize in mental health, but he's made it clear he wants me to feel comfortable going to him with concerns. Honestly out of all the doctors I have, I do trust him, and I think he would be the best doctor to talk to.

Currently I'm doing piss poor mentally. Outside of anxiety and depression I have been experiencing symptoms of other mental illnesses that I have been too much of a pussy to bring up. I have never ever told anyone in real life about the fact that I have and kinda still do self harm. There's this fucking monster in my head I guess and he tells me that people I love and care about are going to die unless I hurt myself in some way. So I do. Not typical ways of self harm but it counts for the monster and it does hurt me. The world around me does not feel real and I do not think that I exist. I hear voices in my head that aren't mine but I also hear voices outside of my head that say my name or sing in languages I can't understand. But I also can not sit still even when I am not depressed. My brain has a very weird according to other people way of thinking. I switch topics all the fucking time because my brain is always going so damn fast and conversations don't go fast enough for me. Sometimes I'll get up to do something and then forget why I got up and what I was supposed to do. And sometimes I hit a wall. I tell my brain to let me get up and do shit and I physically am unable to move my body. The same thing happens with homework. I wait until the last possible minute to do it becaue then it actually feels high stakes and like it means something. My brain will genuinely not do it before that point because it thinks it's stupid. I get very very upset and my brain freaks out when I can not follow specific plans and rules and schedules I have laid out for myself. If something is not happening at the right exact time then it's a problem and the world is going to end.

It also does not help that I have insanely bad gender dysphoria. My body is gross and disgusting and wrong and if I hurt myself enough maybe it will stop being so disgusting.

This ties into the main problem that I need to find balls to tell my doctor. Currently I am expirencing really bad pain from actions I have taken as a result of a combination of these symptoms. My primary care doctor told me I was "torturing myself." She unfortunately did not really offer any solutions and Im considering asking for a second opinion.

I have had some uh expirences in my lifetime that are not the best. The people who have done those things to me have been people I was supposed to be able to trust. It was parents and medical professionals. As a result I have a pretty bad relationship with my parents because I do not trust them. I also have a pretty bad relationship with doctors because my body physically thinks that they will hurt me so it goes into to fight or flight, and I can not trust them because if they will hurt me if I am honest.

So what the hell is my point? Well my point is I want to stop hurting. This person that I know has told me that it is possible for me to get better and that life can be beautiful and amazing. I do not know whether I should say any of this or all of this to my doctor or if I should talk to my therapist. I need help and I need help soon. I see my doctor first and my therapist can not perscribe medications, but I really dont know if this is serious enough to tell my doctor. I genuinely want to cry everything hurts so much and I just want it to go away. I feel insane for asking strangers on the internet for help, but I don't know who else to ask

I recently say a post on here about how reading trans m/m smut makes the OP feel upset because of how dysphoric they are about their genitalia. And I get it. I do. I have bad top dysphoria.

But am I weird for not having bottom dysphoria? Like sure I don’t enjoy super feminine terms or anything but I still enjoy pleasure etc…

Is this wrong?

NOT ALL TRANS WOMEN WHO COMMENT ON FTM POSTS ARE A PROBLEM... But...

Recently, on my main account, I've gotten one comment and two DMs from three different trans women offering advice I didn't ask for after I said something on threads for trans men. They both prefaced it in a way that sounds like they think of themselves as "experts" who wanted to impart their incredible wisdom onto me, a poor little baby male who has no experience with men. Wtf?

I'm sure the inverse happens, too, but I wouldn't know considering I don't stalk the MTF subreddits looking for poor, poor trans women who need my expert advice on being a woman (because spoiler alert, I don't have expertise and also no one asked for it).

To any trans women reading this, if you're not one of the people being annoying and sticking your nose into things, don't worry about it. To the ones who do, I don't care if reading this hurt your feelings.

Sorry. Needed to get that off my chest.

🎄 Christmas Giveaway – Trans Male Help Kit 🎄

In the spirit of the holidays, I’m giving away a Trans Male Help Kit designed to support and affirm your journey. This kit includes:

A large binder

Boxers

A gender-affirming T-shirt and shirt

Sports socks

Aftershave (sample size)

Shaving foam and razor

And more!

If you’re eligible or interested, here’s how to enter:

1️⃣ Fill out the form (link below) to provide some basic details. 2️⃣ Tell me a little about why this kit would help you (optional). 3️⃣ Share this post to help others find it (optional but appreciated!).

📅 Deadline: Entries close on [insert date]. Winners will be contacted shortly after.

🤝 Eligibility: This giveaway is specifically for FTM or transmasculine individuals.

💌 Let’s spread the love and support! If you know someone who could benefit, feel free to share this around.

[Insert form link or instructions to contact you]

You are valid, seen, and loved—happy holidays! https://forms.office.com/Pages/ResponsePage.aspx?id=DQSIkWdsW0yxEjajBLZtrQAAAAAAAAAAAAO__Ty_-shUM0NGREtXM1c0UlpONVQyRjdOTjI4MjZRNS4u

(This is going to probably long and have some mistakes because English isn't my first language)

So,I came out to my parents 3/4 years ago and the first time that I came out they literally ignored me.When I came out a second time,they tried to be more supportive of me.The problem is like my dad tries and uses my name and pronouns,but my mom looks like she isn't even trying.I have been on testosterone for almost 11 months and she stills misgenders me and uses the wrong pronouns.Since I came out,my relationship with my mother has been worsening.She doesn't treat me with respect and wants me to respect her and I basically can't do anything without asking her and if I buy something I have to tell her or at least my dad because I respect him and not her.When I started having my appointments in the gender clinic,my mom said that she wanted to go in every appointment,but then she didn't want to go anymore.For example,I started testosterone almost two months before turning 18,so my parents had to sign a paper saying that they accept me going on hormones and my mom didn't wanted to sign the paper,so she told my dad to come with me to the appointment.My mom since the beginning didn't want to me to start hormones at all.One time when we are arguing about something random,she said to me if I wanted to be a man,I have to pay for everything in my transition.I remember that she once sent a message to my family group(in the family group it's only me,my younger sister and my parents) that she didn't believe that I'm trans or that any doctor would let me start testosterone because she thought that I was lying and I just wanted attention.She even asked me if I was sure about all the process because she thinks that I'm going to regret it in the future.I remember that once me,my parents and sister were in the car going to my aunt for vacation and because it was my aunt birthday and she told me that just because I played with toy cars when I was a child doesn't mean that I'm a boy because she played with male toys too and she didn't turn into a boy.She says that she respects the LGBT community but she can't respect me,but accepts the fact that my sister is pansexual.She thinks that she knows everything about me and she evens blames me being trans over the fact that I have autism.She made me cry and even made me think that I was faking being trans because of the things that she said to me.I don't want to lose my relationship with my mother but I don't know what to do.

I have a small head. Not super small but, hats really don’t fit me that well. They look way too big for me and the bill sticks out super far. Same with beanies. They’re sometimes just way too big and don’t fit me right.

Any advice on where I could get a good hat that would fit well?

Hey all,

This phenomenon has been discussed some here already, but I'd love to open the floor to brainstorming to prevent and fix it where it has appeared.

Many of us have experienced being shunted from trans/queer/"progressive" spaces due to our transition to male.

Those of us in "the scene" 5-10 years ago may have also come across (or become embroiled in) self-labelled "baeddelism", which essentially boils down to: "to be a woman is to be virtuous, and to be a man is to be evil. Therefor, trans men are the ultimate threat, because they choose to be evil yet infilrate trans community."

It has become obvious that ideology is back in force, and has seeped out of the internet and into real life, as it tends to do. This time 'round it's been labelled transradfemism, which is quite apt; it basically takes core TERF beliefs but fits them into a trans framework.

My question is this: what do we do to prevent it from taking hold of the spaces we are in? What do we do to fix it when those we are already in community with embrace it?

My initial thought is this: leave politeness at the door. There is no room to be demure. Those who will preach the word that we are the enemy will not be polite and demure.

The moment we see it, it has to be called out, firmly. There isn't room to be coy and shy.

Edit to add:OH AND, please watch the Alt Right Playbook series on YouTube. You are going to see how much the transradfem movement uses alt-right tactics when you do, and will learn how to difuse it.

I’m looking into getting the ezp or the ezp junior but I have some questions the website doesn’t have. Im 5’4 150 so I’m not a big guy but I can have a strong stream and I see that the ezp jr is slightly smaller. Does anyone have a suggestion for which one I should go with? Always I hear that the ezp jr is easier to pack with? If anyone has any experience with this product or can recommend another product I would appreciate the help

I’m 23 and been on T for 7 years now. My beard was always just a bad chin strap but in the last 2 years it’s started coming in more in my face. Has anyone used minoxidil? And are the results worth it? I can grow a decent amount of hair it’s just pretty thin and a little patchy so would like it to fill out properly.

Edit [it seems that my angry, sloppy writing has given rise to some very valid concerns and misunderstandings about myself, my worldview, and the points I was trying to get across. Therefore, some of the things mentioned in this post might cause upset, please proceed with caution. I will add corrective notes to this rant when I have the spoons for it. In the meantime, please bear in mind that none of what I write here is meant as a judgement on other trans people, their personal preferences or the kinds of dysphoria (if any) they have. It is all inward and personal to me specifically]

Oook, I dont mind my ships being made trans, I get that we lack representation. But am I the only one who feels like trans m/m smut isn't made for actual trans men who may have dysphoria? It feels like we're being fetishised for the women in the audience. It seems that I can't escape it when browsing now, it seems even more common than cis m/m in some popular fan bases. Its not even properly labelled in the tags all the time so I get some nasty shocks.

I read m/m fiction because I want to avoid the dysphoria triggered by writings about vaginal sex. Seeing some of those tags about fingering, eating out, penetration etc makes me feel sick to my stomach as I can't help but attach it to a part on myself that utterly horrifies me, and to see it being done to m/m trans characters only amplifies that. Its like they are just using trans men to shoehorn pussy in there for the girls. Why can't more writers wanting trans representation be respectful that trans men with dysphoria exist, and give us characters that are able to have sex were they are treated as men and the vagina is left out of the equation?

Sincerely, This latest horny browsing attempt has left me flipflopping between dysphoric disgust, sexual frustration and anger at how certain fandoms have been taken over by this for seemingly cheap, cis thrills and self-congratulation for being so "inclusive". I just wanted to get off to my favourite characters in peace without this rollercoaster 🤬

I've been wanting phalloplasty since I began to read about it and have taken active steps to get it, but recently I noticed that I had a loss of my genital dysphoria and it used to be the worst I've had so far. I'm not entirely sure why this happened and it made me question if I will still want to undergo phallo surgeries considering how hard it is to get + how long the whole recovery process is.

I have little to no desire for metoidioplasty even though I'm impressed with this surgery as well. However, I can pass easily after a whole year on HRT and using a binder or something else to make my boobs less visible. I will be getting top surgery next year and I'm hopeful that will make my dysphoria less extreme.

The thing is... The idea of passing without having to do much made me lose my desire for phalloplasty lately and I don't even feel as much dysphoric about my genitals. Heck, I'm literary actively looking for treatment for my case of vaginismus so I can experiment with vaginal penetration without extreme pain. I also noticed how much I've been loving my T-dick. It's small, but it feels like a beautiful cock to me and I don't find the idea of burying it on a bigger dick very appealing to me.

What would you suggest I do about this? I will bring this discussion to therapy once I can, but I was wondering if you have any thoughts on this topic or went through something similar to me.

Hi guys, I don't know if there are many hispanohablantes here in this subreddit, but I made a comprehensive guide about top surgery/mastectomy. I used medical sources and testomonies. I want all trans men/transmasculine people to have a free copy if they need it. Feel free to share and to tell me below if there are some things you would want to add o any mistakes. :)

Hola chiques, no sé cuántos hispanohablantes somos por aquí, pero he hecho una guía muy completa sobre mastectomía. He usado fuentes medicas y testimonios. Quería que todo hombre trans y gente transmasculina tenga este recurso gratis si lo necesitan. Decidme por abajo si hay cosas que queréis añadir o errores, y compartidla libremente :)

guía libre sobre mastectomía 2024

"Males outperform females in tests of visual-spatial ability, and mathematical reasoning, whereas females do better in memory and language use"

I have no visual-spatial abilities whatsoever, I'd be a danger to everyone if I drove a car and I often bump into furniture etc, my math skills are also nonexistent. Even with simple stuff I'm slow as fuck and beyond middle school stuff it got way too hard to even understand.

Now I do like to learn languages and write stories. Another source said women are better at multitasking and that I definitely suck at and my memory is also shit, but still, it was also said men have better motor skills (I have none, I have the clumsy ass type of autism lol can't even ride a bike or swim)

The only thing that makes me feel valid as a dude is the theory that trans men's brains are close to cis men's, but... ^

Wonder if there are cis men who would absolutely never be able to drive, are clumsy as fuck, suck at math, and kinda do okay in languages

Normally I don’t share anything on here other than commenting but I feel like talking about this now. Might have some grammar error as I’m not a native speaker.

Like the title, I figured out I was trans when I was 11. And back then, finding resources relating to trans people in my country was really limited, if there were any then it would be trans women and barely any trans men. (they even call trans women a trans men so I got really confused either lmao)

Most of the representations I could find back then were from white trans men. I hate admitting this but the lack of representation from trans men other than Western white trans men got me wishing I was never born Asian, I hated how I could not look like the transitioned Western trans men, thinking that I would look like a failed man instead of being able to look like them. I would cry myself for hours, wondering if I could even achieve atleast something like being as masculine as them or being able to look like a man. Hating my own ethnicity and dysphoric about myself was a really shitty experience of my life and I would not want to go back to that time ever again.

I don’t hate my ethnicity like that now as there are more trans men who are also asian (not just from my country) are more open up about their identity and I’m glad I don’t feel like that ever again. Also might delete this after a while because transphobes on twitter are weird.

I was silly and bought a large. I'm based in the UK. It's full tank and black! Cheers. Hope this is allowed

and then exclusively switched to they/them after learning i am trans.

i'm getting really sick of people degendering me once they know i'm ftm. especially when the person with me is only saying he/him. it happens literally every single time. i am so tired of it.

sigh.

Long text, was an intense day. This is my reflection.

I'm 20, studying at uni. Pre-t. Moved to a room near college in September because I spent 4 hours on traffic everyday and was sick of my mother. My parents have always been very controlling. Especially my mother, always did everything she wanted to earn her love.

Studying isn't going well. I've always had good grades. First year at uni was very good. The 2nd sucked, almost failed. This year started out fine but now I can't focus on anything, even on basic stuff like waking up in time. My mother made me go to a psychiatrist and got prescribed antidepressants after a 30 min talk. Don't want to take that shit again.

Yesterday I learned my parents are planning behind my back to stop paying my rent and make me move to an only girls house, owned by nuns.

I've been in a bad mood for a while and it's hard to be nice to my mother. She told me she notices what I'm trying to do, just like everyone else. That everyone thinks I'm a freak. That I'll never be a man. I acted like I didn't get her. She says it's because of her giving me more freedom, that it was a mistake to let me live on my own.

I don't have the patience to pretend I'm fine about her so I just avoid talking to her. She then insists on asking me what's wrong. I don't want to talk because she's being a cunt. She threatens me to talk. She's always been like this. Doesn't give me space and then complains on how angry I get. She used to hit me and made me stay in rooms, forcing me to talk or obey. She still tries to do that but now I'm way bigger than her and she gets scared.

I'm on Christmas break and left my room a bit dirty but not too chaotic or anything. Took all the trash out etc. I'm usually organised but I haven't been able to keep everything in order as usual. Was planning on going there and clean before the 2nd semester.

Today she took my phone and my keys so I got stuck at home. I stopped her from getting out. Ended up ripping her jacket and she started screaming so I let her go because of the neighbours. I never dared to hurt her not even on self defense.

She travelled to my room, called my father and the landlord and decided I should leave the room. The landlord was shocked since she never had any problems with me, quite the contrary.

She saw everything at my room. She saw my strap, my bottles of lube, my knives, my cigarettes and weed. Made a series of invasive questions about my sex life and my boyfriend. She had no idea I smoked etc. Always hid it from her. She swore I'm possessed by a demon haha

My father called me and had a huge monologue about how I'm ruining my life. How I have to change my whole mentality to live a decent life. That if I don't live my life the way they want he will stop being my father, pretend he doesn't know me (he's always been distant, even before the divorce. My mother once told me he didn't want to have kids. And because I'm female he treats me like I'm a different species). He called me manipulative and ungrateful. That they did everything to me, like taking care of me when I was sick as a baby, that sort of stuff, like it isn't a basic obligation as a parent...

They think that because I'm still financially dependent on them that they can control every aspect of my life. Thet say that no one, other than my parents will love me. My father told me people just use me and then just leave. That those people don't really know me. Referring to my boyfriend, who they hate ofc.

Even through the ups and downs, my boyfriend has always been there. To me that's love.

I don't want to owe my parents anything. I'm thinking of moving to my boyfriend's house, getting a part-time job and finish my degree. That way we can finally go to bjj classes together :) and don't miss each other constantly.

It all seems quite uncertain tho. My parents act like this is a great mistake and I can't help to doubt my own judgement. But then I look at how bland they are as people. They have no passion for life, no hobbies, no tastes, no true love.

I notice the similarities I have to my father. He too went to Uni, same degree, "lost" himself at my age (even went to Germany with an older man... he's clearly frustrated with his sexuality). His father "abandoned" him and he went to the military "to become a real man". (One of his brothers is gay. Bit traumatised but chill. At least he's free. My father hates him to death. My uncle used to be my grandfather's favourite son until he ran away from the marines with another man. My grandfather used to be very violent and hated women, treated my grandmother as a slave and only wanted sons. They had luxurious life at an African colony until they had to return to Europe).

I don't think I can forgive all the things he told me. Always thought he didn't love me. He always says I'm nobody, that all I do and say is shit, that I will suffer from whatever I'm doing, stuff like that. Always left me behind when walking, ate the food in my plate when I didn't look, complained everytime I asked for help. Hit me. Treated my mother like shit. As a kid secretly wished to have him dead. My mother tried to convince me this was his way of love. I think he's beyond lost.

I'm open to any advice and questions.

Thank you.

vent that has 2 main topics: feeling unloveable mainly because of being trans, and also some issues i’ve ran into being stealth. i might sound internally transphobic here and I probably am because i’ve been abused for being trans

i feel unlovable because i’m gay, trans (i hate saying this), neurodivergent, mentally ill, aspec, and have trauma. i feel that cis gay men could never love me, and other trans men don’t get me at all. I’m 100% stealth at college, and 100% closeted everywhere else because it’s extremely unsafe for me. other trans people assume i’m a cis guy and still comment on my fem features or ask me intrusive questions and it makes me want to simply disappear. do you know what kind of fucking impostor syndrome that is? to have a trans person explain to me what being trans is like? and then still make fun of my fem features because they assume i’m cis?? really goes to fucking show that even trans people can suck. like what is your fucking business asking me if i’m intersex, and then asking me if ‘i’m sure’ when i say I’m not????? what do you mean “been thinking about it” WTF. and closeted trans women at college keep telling me they’re ‘jealous’ of me. and even when i tell them my half-made-up backstory about being bullied for having fem features/being gay, they don’t fucking stop. if i ever came out, they wouldn’t see me as a guy, they’d simply see me as a trans guy, like a different species. but then again I worry everybody thinks that way. that i’ll never ever run away from it.

anyway i simply feel like i’m too complicated and intolerable to love. nobody could ever love me.

Is this normal?

I'm trying to take a break from sex for a while for personal reasons.

The problem is, I'm still really obviously experiencing arousal- and it's honestly physically painful to just be erect with nowhere to go with it.

Is this a weird thing unique to my anatomy for some reason, or just something guys deal with (cis or trans?)