So I’ve been going to chess night every week for about 2 months now. My friend invited a bunch of people from our grad school program plus some of his friends, and the event has grown every week. One particular guy, let’s call him Al, I’ve gotten decently close with over the months, but we don’t really know that much about each other.

The guy who started the event and knows all of us well invited a girl to the event, and he was walking her to her car for a LONG time. We were joking about giving him shit for making out with her, and I said I would ask him if he was getting pegged. Probably a somewhat insensitive joke, but a lot of guys in my old friend group would’ve found it funny.

Al makes a joke following about how I probably like getting pegged, especially since I just painted my fingernails. I got upset by this, for some reason it just got under my skin.

I proceeded to challenge him in chess and whoop him, and he got really mad and called me a bitch and a pussy while implying the only reason I even got mad is because “he struck a nerve” initially. My friend got back while he was trying to provoke me, and he took me out back to smoke with him and cool off.

Some say I overreacted when I got mad at him for insulting me and using offensive stereotypes, but I think he was the petulant one for calling me names after I beat him in chess. What do you guys think?

This happened in August and since then I have been staying with a friend. It started after I(20F) was washing laundry and picked up bloody underwear that belongs to my sister(22F). I was grossed out but not mad. I asked her if she could rinse them before putting them in the laundry next time because I touched it and its gross and she just laughed at me and didnt respond. She went upstairs to our shared bedroom (we live with our mom in a two bedroom apartment) and I finished the laundry. A couple hours later I went upstairs and started cleaning up the floor of our room. I was sitting down on the floor next to her bed picking up empty soda bottles and trash that she left on the floor and also picking up other items and putting them in a box. She was sitting on her bed and we were talking about stuff normally. We started talking about how a mutual friend of ours just had her boyfriend break up with her and my sister said she was happy about it and she “always gets her lick back” (she hates this girl for reasons that do not make sense to me but when I tried to defend her in the past I got yelled at so I just dont acknowledge it when she says something negative about her) so I made a lame joke “me when I ask you to not put bloody underwear in the laundry.” This immediately made her mad. It was in august so I dont remember what was said word for word but basically something like “the fuck do you mean by that” and then I was like “im just joking but i just think you could have at least apologized since it was gross and I do the laundry for you.” She started yelling at me and the general idea of what she was saying was like “why should I apologize for that” but with profanity. I specifically remember her saying “oh im so sorry oppar!” In a mocking voice while yelling (lol) but she also definitely called me a bitch etc. The yelling was loud enough for my ears to hurt. I was still sitting on the floor and I said “im not trying to be rude i just dont understand why you laughed at me” which i thought would help de-escalate the situation but it made her more mad and she yelled at me more. She then leaned over from the bed into my face while yelling and I slapped her. I didnt even really think about it I just felt her get into my space and felt spit land on me and I had an urge like I just needed her to get out of my face. My mom was already walking upstairs to tell her to stop yelling when I slapped her and immediately after my sister started to get up from the bed towards me so I quickly got up and tossed the stuff in the box I had in the air, she yelled to my mom that I slapped her and I yelled back “you were yelling in my face of course I slapped you!” before I ran downstairs and out to the car. I was sobbing my eyes out. My sister texted me a photo of the redness on her cheek with the message “in reality I should send this to L and T too but it’ll do numbers in B’s whatsapp. But I probably shouldn’t even tell u that. Cuz ur gonna come back in and hit me again Way to be team Ryle, LAME ASS BITCH But in ur narcissistic mind ur still gonna twist this where ur the victim. Of course u are you Go spend the night with T you lame ass hoe” T and L are our mutual friends (T is the one she does not like but acts like she does when with them) and B is my long distance boyfriend. I was hyperventilating at this point and I texted my boyfriend telling him we got into an argument and I slapped her because I couldn’t handle the dread. The way he responded made me feel like she had already told him so I sent a screenshot of the photo and her messages to the shared groupchat with my sister T and L and said “my sister and I got into an argument and I slapped her.” I did that because I was scared if she told them I would lose them as friends and I wanted to be able to defend myself. My sister sent paragraphs of messages in the groupchat where she told her version of what happened where we were just both yelling at each other and I slapped her. She told this to my boyfriend too. My mom said she only heard my sister yelling when it happened. That night I begged my mom to drive me to a hotel ( it was 3am) and I paid to stay a night there because I was scared to ask to stay with a friend. That night she sent me several more messages that were really nasty so i turned off her notifications and tried to sleep but I was so unbelievably nauseous I genuinely wanted to die. The next day I got my mom to bring me clothes for work. While at work I started crying before opening and ran to the bathroom. I didnt think anyone saw but my manager did and she actually texted my sister asking if I was okay. This made my sister mad probably because she thought i was doing it intentionally for pity. The day after that was the first day my college classes started and L reached out to me and asked where I was staying and then offered to let me stay with her and go to class together in the morning. The next day T offered to let me stay with her and thats where Ive been staying since. I have two guinea pigs and a leopard gecko that my mom has been taking care of while I go on weekends to clean their cages and its easier because T’s house is closer to mine. She lives with her family. Throughout the months apart my sister had sent many messages saying she hates me, never wants to see me again, wants me to move to a different country, that im ugly, a narcissist, etc etc etc but also is mad that im avoiding her. Unfortunately, we also work against the same place so I changed my schedule so I wouldn’t have to work with her. This upset her because she said it made it seem like to our coworkers that she did something to me and I was avoiding her for that. Shes also mad because I told T and L she said I ruined her life by telling them and that she can now never be friends with them and that if I didnt tell them she was going to let it slide. I apologized for slapping her but she wanted me to also apologize for telling them and avoiding her but I cant if shes not sorry for how she treated me. There was a hurricane recently and she threatened to leave my guinea pigs outside for it… she didnt and i don’t think she meant it but its just really upsetting. Originally T, L, and B were neutral about it. I didnt tell them how it started because talking about someone else bloody underwear seemed low. But i did eventually tell T because and I showed T the messages she sent me. Since then T said she thinks she would have done the same thing. I didnt tell L because my sister is closer to her and I waited to tell B because it felt stressful and embarrassing to explain. I eventually told him because my sister had actually been talking to him more and he made it seem like I was overdramatic and that avoiding my own sister was selfish. (Crying rn lol) I didnt tell him about the underwear but i showed him the messages and he apologized and said he here for me. L started hanging out with my sister 2 weeks after it happened. Which hurts my feelings I admit but I also didnt want to isolate my sister so Ive decided not to show L. My sister struggles with anxiety, depression, and it was suggested she may have PANDAS. So im concerned with how this could affect her mental health and I am genuinely sad for her but I really can’t not avoid her when shes like this. I think my friends were shocked by this because she really genuinely can be the sweetest person whos really fun to be around. We have always considered each other to be best friends. I just feel like lying about what happened to my boyfriend hurts because her intention had to be destroying my relationship with him, right? We have frequent arguments where she threatens “blackmail” to send to my boyfriend which includes “ugly photos” of me. Etc. I want advice on how to deal with this situation. Im sure Ive probably already overstayed my welcome at my friends house even though they deny it and its getting harder to avoid her at work. I dont never want to see her again but I dont want to go back into that household. I’ll also add that my mom is basically unemployed and I pay the majority of the bills at home and for groceries etc. but with mu changed schedule im not bringing in that much anymore. My sister told a coworker that I slapped her and it spread so now everyone at work knows I slapped her and thats it.

Thank you for reading this and Im sorry it was so long. Any advice would help.

I have a severe inability to deal with conflict. Im in a senior role at work and I always need to think about how I approach conflict with someone over and over again. I'm unable to instantly go into confrontation.

Also whenever I have emotional conflict with my partner or someone else I care about 90% of the time will have the strongest urge ro and will oftern cry when the conversation is serious.

What are some ways to help me dive into conflict and work on my ability to approach somebody and confront them to tell them exactly what I'm thinking without worrying about the repercussions of the conversation. Any tips or tricks are so appreciated

I'm very averse to / afraid of conflicts and get very stressed and freeze whenever I have friction with people I somehow care about. Most books I find online are about non violent communication, not flipping out, etc. I need the opposite pretty much. I want to learn to speak my mind and process thoughts during heated discussions, not shy away from confrontation, etc

Can you recommend any books or other resources on this?

A State of P.L.A.Y.S: HOW TO HAVE THOSE DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS WITHOUT LOSING YOUR MIND.

The reviews are coming in people are liking this book, that's now available on Audible with a Free 30-Day Trial Membership

My partner and I own a house, and next door is a rental with about 6 twenty-somethings. All was good until the most responsible person moved out, and now it’s starting to get crazy. My partner and I are both non-confrontational people and will just file most things under “none of my business”… but now they are letting their trash pile up in the driveway, it is overflowing and they just add another trash bag next to the overflowing trash bin. Overnight, raccoons probably ripped a hole in the bag because it was torn and strewn everywhere. Then it rained, and crows came along and picked at it and dragged the contents into the street and our driveway. I cleaned it up because I thought the neighbors would not, and I don’t want rats to start hanging around on the daily.

Today we are going to leave for a trip for 5 days, and tomorrow is trash pick-up day. I really want to just put their trash bin on the corner before we leave so they won’t forget, and trash is only collected every two weeks, so if they forget then the problem will get exponentially worse (and stinkier!). But my partner says no, leave it alone. He says we don’t know, they might remember to take it out, and if they don’t then they will have to deal with the consequences of their own trash. We fought about it last night, I know my solution of taking their can to the curb might seem passive-aggressive, but it’s one very small moment that prevents a much bigger disaster. I worry that their problem will become our problem the same way it did a few days ago with the trash strewn all over.

To be honest, I’ve lived my whole life avoiding conflict and I feel like this one little thing of taking their can to the curb is not confrontational, just problem solving. But maybe it would be viewed by them confrontational anyway? I don’t know. We leave in three hours, any advice would be helpful! Thank you.

This post provides a model of providing negative criticism in a positive manner: https://www.frominsultstorespect.com/2012/09/01/providing-negative-criticism-five-levels-of-maturity/

I wanted to share with you that my new book about conflict engagement and resolution, Why Do We Keep Arguing? (And How To Stop), has now been published and is available on Amazon first at:

UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0CY8P96NX

US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY8Z9GT8

If you get the chance to read it, I would love to hear what you think, and please feel free to share it with those in your networks you think might be interested and perhaps in need of another helpful resource. Thanks so much in advance.

Best,

Scott

​

https://preview.redd.it/we9858b3h3pc1.png?width=1596&format=png&auto=webp&s=55e0393e7630c2fbcb93206ef2bd1e20a86c1f87

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence plays a crucial role in our overall well-being and success in various aspects of life, including conflict resolution. The ability to understand and manage emotions, both our own and those of others, is a key component of developing emotional intelligence. Conflict is an inevitable part of human interaction, and being equipped with the skills to effectively manage and resolve conflicts is essential. This article explores the importance of emotional intelligence in conflict resolution, providing insights into understanding conflict dynamics, building self-awareness and self-regulation, developing empathy and social skills, employing effective communication strategies, fostering emotional intelligence within teams and organizations, and showcasing real-life examples. By delving into the realm of emotional intelligence, we can unlock valuable tools and strategies for navigating conflicts with empathy, understanding, and positive outcomes.

1. Introduction to Emotional Intelligence

1.1 What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is like having a secret superpower that allows you to navigate the complicated world of emotions with finesse. It refers to the ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and to effectively manage those emotions in different situations. In simpler terms, it's about being aware of your own feelings and how they impact your actions and relationships.

1.2 Importance of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is not just some fluffy concept that belongs in the realm of self-help books. It plays a crucial role in our personal and professional lives. When we are emotionally intelligent, we can communicate more effectively, build stronger connections with others, and make better decisions. It helps us to handle stress, bounce back from setbacks, and maintain healthy relationships. In short, emotional intelligence is the key to leading a more fulfilling and successful life.

1.3 The Link between Emotional Intelligence and Conflict Resolution

Conflicts are a part of life—whether it's a disagreement with a coworker or a heated argument with a loved one. What separates those who handle conflicts well from those who don't is often their level of emotional intelligence. When we possess emotional intelligence, we can navigate conflicts with empathy, understanding, and calmness. It helps us to approach conflicts in a constructive way, rather than letting our emotions run wild and escalate the situation. Emotional intelligence is like the mediator within us that allows us to resolve conflicts effectively and maintain healthier relationships.

2. Understanding Conflict and its Impact

2.1 Defining Conflict

Conflict is not just limited to shouting matches or physical altercations. It can manifest in various ways, such as disagreements, different perspectives, competing interests, or even misunderstandings. At its core, conflict arises when there is a clash of ideas, values, or goals between individuals or groups.

2.2 Types and Causes of Conflict

Conflicts can arise in different contexts, whether it's at work, within families, or in social settings. They can be caused by a variety of factors, such as differing expectations, limited resources, power struggles, or simply personality clashes. Understanding the underlying causes can help us address conflicts more effectively and find mutually beneficial resolutions.

2.3 Effects of Unresolved Conflict

Ignoring or avoiding conflicts might seem like the easier option, but it often leads to long-lasting negative consequences. Unresolved conflicts can breed resentment, erode trust, and create toxic environments. They can also hinder productivity, damage relationships, and negatively impact our mental and emotional well-being. That's why addressing conflicts in a healthy and constructive manner is crucial for maintaining harmony and fostering personal growth.

3. The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Conflict Resolution

3.1 How Emotional Intelligence Affects Conflict Management

Emotional intelligence is the secret sauce to effective conflict resolution. It enables us to approach conflicts with a level-headedness that promotes understanding and empathy. By recognizing and managing our emotions, we can stay calm and composed, which allows us to listen actively, seek common ground, and find creative solutions. Emotional intelligence helps us communicate assertively yet respectfully, bridging the gap between differing perspectives and fostering a sense of collaboration.

3.2 Benefits of Applying Emotional Intelligence in Conflict Resolution

When we apply emotional intelligence to conflict resolution, we unlock numerous benefits. It allows us to build stronger relationships based on trust and mutual respect. It helps us develop better problem-solving skills and promotes a healthy work or personal environment. Emotional intelligence also enhances our ability to empathize with others, leading to greater understanding and more effective communication. Overall, applying emotional intelligence in conflict resolution leads to more positive outcomes and a happier, more harmonious existence.

4. Building Self-Awareness and Self-Regulation

4.1 Recognizing and Understanding One's Emotions

Developing emotional intelligence starts with self-awareness. It's about recognizing and understanding our own emotions, knowing what triggers them, and being able to label and express them appropriately. By acknowledging and accepting our emotions, we can better manage them when conflicts arise.

4.2 Managing and Controlling Emotions

Self-regulation is the next step in building emotional intelligence. It involves managing and controlling our emotions in a way that allows us to respond thoughtfully, rather than reacting impulsively. This means learning how to pause, breathe, and reflect before responding in conflicts. It's about finding healthy outlets for emotions and developing strategies to calm ourselves when tensions run high.

4.3 Techniques for Enhancing Self-Awareness and Self-Regulation

Enhancing self-awareness and self-regulation is an ongoing process that requires practice and deliberate effort. Techniques such as mindfulness, journaling, and seeking feedback from others can help improve self-awareness. Developing emotional regulation skills can involve techniques like deep breathing, reframing thoughts, or seeking support from trusted individuals. It's about finding what works best for you and incorporating these practices into your daily life, so that emotional intelligence becomes second nature.

5. Developing Empathy and Social Skills

5.1 Understanding the Importance of Empathy in Conflict Resolution

Conflict resolution is not just about finding a solution or winning an argument; it's about understanding and addressing the underlying emotions and needs of all parties involved. Empathy plays a crucial role in this process, as it allows us to put ourselves in someone else's shoes and see the world from their perspective. By developing empathy, we can create a safe and supportive environment for open communication and effective conflict resolution.

5.2 Improving Listening and Observation Skills

When it comes to conflict resolution, listening is more than just hearing words; it's about actively engaging and understanding what the other person is saying. By improving our listening skills, we can pick up on subtle cues, body language, and emotions, which often reveal the true meaning behind the words. Observing these non-verbal signals can help us identify underlying issues and find common ground for resolution.

5.3 Enhancing Communication and Collaboration Skills

Effective conflict resolution requires effective communication and collaboration. By enhancing our communication skills, such as expressing ourselves clearly, using non-defensive language, and being respectful, we can foster a positive and productive dialogue. Collaboration skills, on the other hand, involve finding common goals, compromising, and working together towards a mutually satisfying resolution. By developing these skills, we can navigate conflicts with ease and build stronger relationships.

6. Effective Communication Strategies for Conflict Resolution

6.1 Active Listening and Non-Verbal Communication

Active listening involves giving our full attention to the speaker, showing interest, and summarizing or paraphrasing what they've said to ensure understanding. Non-verbal communication, such as maintaining eye contact and using appropriate facial expressions, can also convey understanding and empathy. By employing these strategies, we create a sense of trust and encourage open and honest communication, which is vital for resolving conflicts.

6.2 Assertive Communication Techniques

Assertive communication allows us to express our thoughts, feelings, and needs while respecting the rights and boundaries of others. This approach involves using "I" statements, being direct, and focusing on the issue at hand rather than attacking the person. By adopting assertive communication techniques, we can avoid escalating conflicts and find constructive solutions that satisfy all parties involved.

6.3 Conflict Resolution through Effective Negotiation

Negotiation is a critical skill in conflict resolution, as it involves finding a middle ground that meets the needs and interests of all parties. Effective negotiation includes active listening, brainstorming creative solutions, and seeking win-win outcomes. By approaching conflicts with a positive and collaborative mindset, we can turn them into opportunities for growth and understanding.

7. Cultivating Emotional Intelligence in a Team or Organization

7.1 Creating an Emotionally Intelligent Work Environment

To foster emotional intelligence within a team or organization, it's essential to create an environment that values open communication, empathy, and respect. This can be achieved through encouraging psychological safety, promoting diversity and inclusion, and providing opportunities for personal and professional development. By cultivating emotional intelligence at the organizational level, conflicts can be effectively managed and resolved.

7.2 Team Building and Conflict Resolution

Team building activities can play a significant role in strengthening relationships, enhancing communication, and developing emotional intelligence within a team. By engaging in trust-building exercises, collaborative projects, and conflict resolution simulations, team members can learn to understand and appreciate one another's perspectives. Building a strong foundation of emotional intelligence can lead to more harmonious and efficient conflict resolution within the team.

7.3 Emotional Intelligence Training and Development Programs

Implementing emotional intelligence training and development programs can be an effective way to enhance conflict resolution skills within a team or organization. These programs can provide individuals with the opportunity to learn about emotional intelligence, practice self-awareness and self-regulation, and develop empathy and social skills. By investing in such programs, teams and organizations can create a culture that values emotional intelligence and promotes effective conflict resolution.

8. Putting Emotional Intelligence into Practice: Case Studies and Examples

8.1 Real-life Examples of Emotional Intelligence in Conflict Resolution

Let's take a look at some real-life examples where emotional intelligence has played a crucial role in resolving conflicts. From workplace disagreements to interpersonal conflicts, these case studies demonstrate how empathy, effective communication, and collaboration have led to successful outcomes and strengthened relationships.

8.2 Strategies Used in Successful Conflict Resolution Cases

Examining the strategies employed in successful conflict resolution cases can provide valuable insights into how emotional intelligence can be applied in practice. By analyzing specific techniques, such as active listening, assertive communication, and negotiation, we can gain a better understanding of how to navigate conflicts effectively and achieve win-win solutions.In conclusion, developing emotional intelligence is not only advantageous for personal growth and well-being but also a crucial factor in effective conflict resolution. By honing our self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and communication skills, we can navigate conflicts with greater understanding, compassion, and respect. Cultivating emotional intelligence within ourselves and our environments fosters healthier relationships, promotes collaborative problem-solving, and ultimately leads to more positive outcomes. By embracing emotional intelligence as a key component of conflict resolution, we empower ourselves to create harmonious and productive interactions, both personally and professionally.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M56kcma78X0

The above is just a small sample of her routine harassment, while I sit in my apartment doing nothing. I have literally never interacted with this woman at all. All i know is she's black and lives upstairs from my apartment. I live in Baltimore Maryland.

What's worst she's called the police twice saying I've threatened her. Since there's absolutely no evidence I did anything to her, since I haven't, the police didn't do anything. The last time one of them advised I get a Peace Order but I'm unsure how I'd do that considering I don't even know who the hell this is.

Don't believe the social justice warriors. I've never been racist, never been judgemental, thats probably why I have a low-income and live in a low-income area. My lack of racism hasn't prevented me from being subjected to racial harassment every week in this majority black neighborhood.

Synchedharmony

Thomas Kilman Two Dimensional Model of Conflict Resolution

Clash no more! Learn 5 secret conflict resolution models to transform disagreements into growth & stronger connections. Dance through life with confidence!

#conflictresolution #communication #relationships #personalgrowth #lifeskills #emotionalintelligence #socialjustice #positivity #lifehacks #selfimprovement #peacemaker #relationshipsadvice #reddit

I lived abroad for a few years with my husband and recently returned to my home country. We left furniture and other belongings behind and our apartment has now basically been inherited by my mother in law who stayed behind.

About a month after we left I got a video from my sister in law showing her toddlers dancing in my child’s clothing and playing with some tutus. I was livid. I wanted to scream because I realized she was at my mother in law’s going through our things. Particularly my baby’s clothing being touched and played with really triggered me.

Instead of reacting so angrily and honestly, I replied with, “cute but please don’t ruin the orange dress.” She responded with, “it was just for dancing. I put it back.”

The next day I found out she left our family chat group. I messaged her multiple times and she did not respond to me or even read my messages. The first messages I had sent were, “so you’re mad that I asked you to be careful with the dress? What’s wrong with that?” The messages following that were long and borderline vicious so I decided to delete them before she saw them.

It’s been several days. She did not respond. I also found out that she cried when she saw my initial text about not ruining the dress, and that she immediately put everything back (in what I assume was an angry manner.) Her husband also saw the message and called her up to tell her to “return everything” because apparently she had already taken toys and furniture and who knows what else, back to her apartment.

Was I wrong? Did it seem like I implied something about her kids when I used the word “ruin”? On one hand, I did use that word because THEY ruin things. They’re rancbunctious and she knows it. But on the other hand, is any small kid above ruining things?

She seems really spoiled and entitled right now. But I am wondering if there is a blind spot for me somewhere.

I’ve since responded by blocking her, her husband and my mother in law from all social media.

Any advice? Insights? Thanks for reading

Btw, I did mention to my husband that I didn’t want to give anything to my sister in law once we left. I asked him to also let his mom know that I still wanted to keep the baby clothes for various reasons but that I couldn’t pack everything at that time so asked for her to just keep it where it’s at. Whether or not these things were told to my sister in law, I don’t know for sure.

i’m looking for advice on how to respectfully yet firmly ask my roommate to move out. we are 3 living in the apartment, and roommate A and I found the place together as we were close friends and had lived together before without any problems. we had an a extra room and filled it with roommate B. Roommate A and I are on the lease, Roommate B is not.

Roommate A has been consistently very challenging to live with. They moved in their partner without asking for significant period of time without asking/informing us, don’t clean up, won’t buy apartment necessities, doenst lock the door and are very loud. We have had SIX conversations (each one growing in tension) about their living habits and how they need respect us roommates- with little to no chage in behaviour. Their excuse is they ‘forget’ these things. This has obviously created significant tension. In the last conversation, we asked them to move out, and they said they did not want to.

The poor behaviour has continued. Other personal issues occurred on top of the living conflict that made me and Roommate B realize this is not a person we can live in close quarters with. Roommate A is trying to be my friend again, but I decided for my well being I cannot live with or be friends with them.

Though our relationship is very strained, I do have an emotional connection to this person and so not want to cause emotional harm to them. However, I need to set up boundaries and cannot live like this any further. Any advice on how to go forward from here in a mature yet firm way is much appreciated- I’m feeling pretty lost. Thanks:)

So I just moved into a huge house in a quiet neighborhood with three roommates -- a couple, and another guy. We all found the house on Craigslist and didn't know each other up until last week. After living with everyone for a week, I'm realizing that one of the people in the couple like to play their music over the speakers in their room. Everyone else plays things on their phone or headphones.

I'm pretty bummed because the reason I moved from my last place is because my neighbor would blast his music from his truck directly below my apartment and I'd get bass bumping music pumped into my apartment almost every night. I would ask him to turn it down but he would keep doing it.

It sucks because I've only known these people for a week and we haven't really talked that much as we've all been pretty busy. So I don't want this to be the first conversation we're having as to come across as a controlling roommate right off the bat.

I think because of my past experience with the noisy neighbor, I am just very sensitive to specifically bass-ey music. Like a few times they've been playing their music off their computer in their room and it's totally fine.

What is the best way to go about this? I'm thinking I'll probably propose a dinner for all of us to hang out and get to know each other and then take it from there.

Also curious if anyone has had a similar situation and was able to find a solution?

TLDR; My roommate plays music over their speakers and the bass carries into my room. What is the best way to ask them to not play it over the bass-ey speakers?

Hi - Looking for tools that can help with conflict resolution that aren't only "you should read this book" or "take this course". Thanks!

https://preview.redd.it/suf0ngak3gqb1.png?width=2590&format=png&auto=webp&s=46d2b148bafcf5d7a87391ae7447206c188dab9a

Hey everyone!

Founder and creator of a site called Politarian.com. A free website for people who like to make political predictions; letting people post who they think will win in a future election.

Complete Anonymity: Make predictions with full anonymity – your account details stay private.

Predict the Future: Dive into predicting federal and state elections for 2023-2024. Decode the paths to victory.

Public or Private: Share your predictions publicly or keep them all to yourself – it's your call.

Candidate Insights: Access comprehensive candidate info – news, endorsements, bios – everything to make sharp predictions.

Politarian is nonpartisan regarding any political party; rather focusing on transparency, holistic information, accountability, and a simple-to-use interface as to navigate the complex political landscape.

I would appreciate any feedback and look forward to seeing your predictions on Politarian.com!

Update: 1.1: Hey y’all! We just made an update to Politarian.com!! We added Social Media to the candidate profiles. Hope you guys can join us in making a primary prediction for the 2024 election :)

For the sensitive people out there like myself, how do you deal with getting overwhelmed in an interpersonal conflict?

I find that sometimes I just need to step away for a while. Yet I don't always have the energy to verbalize this. Sometimes I just have to take some distance and then, later, try to reconnect. Ideally, I'd like to be able to TELL them I need some time away so that their needs for understanding and care get met. I don't like when others "ghost" me, and so I don't want to do it to others.

Do you have any wisdom to share?

Hi. I make animated videos about peace and conflict. Here is one on the types of conflict:

https://youtu.be/71XqGsmpkDw

First and foremost, let me introduce myself. I am not your average person when it comes to social situations. I struggle with responding appropriately and reacting in a way that is considered normal. My circle of friends is limited to just two people from my high school days, and outside of them, I hardly speak to anyone.Today, a friend of my brother - who is not particularly close to me - asked me to draw a sketch for his girlfriend. Truth be told, I really didn't want to do it. However, he was persistent and even went as far as offering to take me out to a street vendor for a meal. I agreed to go along, but he continued to pressure me into drawing the sketch.Unfortunately, I've been in similar situations before where I said "no" but the other person became aggressive and started speaking to me rudely, even in a threatening manner. As a result, I ended up giving in and doing their work for them - something that used to happen a lot in high school when I was bullied.So, my question to you is: How should I respond if I find myself in a similar situation again? I want to be able to stand my ground without feeling intimidated or pressured into doing something I don't want to do.

My friend is getting married and we have been saving up to split costs of a bachelor’s party trip to yellowstone, airbnb, flights, rental car, suits for the wedding, etc.

One of the guys involved who I’ve never particularly vibed with decided to buy the groom’s ticket.

He posted in the groupchat that splitting the cost everyone would have to chip in $145.

I didn’t immediately read too much into this but as time went on it began to set in.

There are 8 of us. $145 each equates to a fucking $1,160 ticket. I asked the best man (different guy) if I was right in my assessment but he just confirmed my observation and said that it was almost more because the guy was thinking of having the purchaser and the groom sit together on the flight.

This guy who purchased the ticket by the way is an engineer. He’s got no excuse to make a mistake this big with numbers. Completely inconsiderate.

I got my ticket late and it may have come to a grand total of a little over $500.

I’m pissed because it’s an unnecessary strain on all of us and the holidays just passed. I don’t want to make bad blood before the trip but it should be made clear that this decision was a massive blunder.

I assume at this point it’s too late for a refund. Another convenient issue that makes me feel forced into this unnecessary expenditure that any person with common sense would have avoided. I’ve been thinking of paying it but making him post the receipt, though i doubt that would make me feel better. I’ve told the group chat that I needed a bit more time to gather my share. The thing is that money is not really a big problem for me but this is just downright stupid and wasteful. I feel bad for my cohorts who aren’t making as much and are roped into this as well though i think they’re all just putting on brave faces.

Should i just swallow this pill and move on for the sake of keeping the peace at the party? Or should i find an appropriate way to call out this issue? I feel forced into a scam that no one wants to make a fuss about because we are all going to take this trip together and be there for a week.

I have been with my partner for over 10 years now, but have great difficulty to stay calm and collected during our conflicts.

When conflict arises, I feel a great deal of stress, anxiety and fear that the relationship will end and so I instantly feel the need to fix the problem and move forward, to never talk about the issue again (I know this isn’t the best way of dealing with conflict). During the moments of silence that follow after the conflict starts, I feel my heart racing, my stomach flipping, I feel sick, my face feels red hot and my cheeks go so red.

Has anybody else experienced this? Or do you have any strategies I could use to maybe overcome these feelings?

Good day!

How can improved conflict resolution skills improve people's well being (work, school, home, etc) and the world in general?

I’ve been having a rough few months at work. I started a new position at work (promoted) and I’m really struggling with confidence. I’ve had a few “spats” with my supervisor and I feel as though anytime there is an issue, I’m in a catch 22 scenario.

Background story: I work at a great competitive company. I’ve been there for a year and a half and just got promoted. I was assigned a supervisor/mentor. This mentor is notorious for being a difficult person and many people have outwardly declared they don’t work with her / avoid her. My new team has the highest turnover throughout the entire company. I’m friendly with everyone and generally well liked. I trained an entire team in my prior role and I genuinely enjoy my work mates. I’ve never had a conflict at work till I started working with this person.

Incident: I noticed the superiors in a transaction had missed an important documents for someone on the client party. In my training, my supervisor drilled into me that this document is crucial for the client party. It is a foundational document to all the transactions we do and generic. She was out of office, I noticed this document was missing from the client binder. I reviewed the documents and was pretty certain we needed it. I spoke to three senior laterals and they reviewed the documents and confirmed this document is needed. One of them suggested I confirm with a team superior and send it out. Considering i had two other senior laterals review, I made the mistake of not sending to the team leader to let him know we missed it / let him know I was sending it. I drafted the document and sent it out for signature.

When my supervisor returned, she was livid that I drafted the document and sent it out to the client. I apologized profusely for sending without checking in with the leader and spoke about how I did my research to confirm we needed it. She was not satisfied with my answer and interrogated me into giving up who confirmed we needed it. I stalled because I didn’t want to throw anyone under the bus. Mind you, we did in fact need this document and everyone on the team did not register it was missing. My supervisor did not once acknowledge it was needed after all. Which I understand, because the issue being addressed was sending the document out without checking in with the team and I understood why that is important in the larger context. After her brutal interrogations, I caved and told her the most senior lateral (second to her in repute/experience) confirmed the document was needed. I highlighted that I was the one that made the decision to send it out without letting the leader know and this person did not instruct me to send it out, they just confirmed we needed it. I didn’t share the other two people who reviewed because I didn’t want to make it worse. When I look back, I should’ve just stayed quite and taken the L but my supervisor was relentlessly hounding me on who I conferred with.

A few days later, I got an odd call from my coworker (the senior lateral) who sounded upset and was questioning my professionalism. I was puzzled during the call and didn’t entirely know how to respond or what she was talking about because she was being vague (it was her last week, so there was a myriad of things she was saying) I assume my supervisor told her I said she instructed me to send the document, which I never did and made clear on the original call with the supervisor. Or maybe she was yelled at for reviewing the item with me? AITA? I’m gaslighting myself into believing I’m dishonest but I also know what I said and didn’t say. I’m not stupid enough to blame someone else for my mistake and I make full apologies when I am wrong.

The mistake at hand wasn’t if the document should’ve gone out, but my lack of communication with the team. How should I have handled this situation? Am I in denial/blind to my errors? I don’t want to get the reputation of someone who can’t own up to her mistakes/is dishonest but I feel as though I was truthful and this woman makes me feel crazy.

The psychological work of Carl Rogers taught me that choosing to be a victim is one of the most disempowering choices a person can make. Nevertheless it's a tempting choice for someone who lacks motivation for any reason, because it makes an easy excuse for inaction. I can see how this same principle might apply, to some degree, at the level of human groups who choose to cultivate a strong collective narrative of victimhood.

A Culture of Victimhood ("CoV"), as I define this term, forms when an entire generation of a community has undergone grievous injustices at the hands of a more powerful group, and the group responds by giving the injustices they've suffered, and their aftereffects, their full attention, indefinitely. Historical grievances, and their connections to ongoing social problems, become a centerpiece of people's thoughts, discussions, gatherings, and media. Thus generations of the community's children grow up with the sense that there is nothing they can do, and it's all some other group's fault. After reaching a critical mass, this begets a culture that feels completely disaffected from, even adversarial towards, neighboring groups, especially more powerful and well-off ones who are blamed for the community's past and present troubles. Complete lack of hope, life purpose, or motivation to better oneself — other than airing and avenging grievances — becomes commonplace. Quality of life and life expectancy lag. Vices of all sorts become rampant. Real community becomes rare, and what's there to be found generally isn't wholesome. Those who try to rise above all this negativity this are treated to a "bucket of crabs" mentality, and get accused of disloyalty to their people. Frequently all the power and resources in these communities are held by a small number of political "bosses" or shady business tycoons (de facto gangsters, often). These robber barons fashion themselves champions of their people's struggle, and egg on their people's anger at outside groups, to distract from their greed and lack of real leadership chops.

This Culture of Victimhood, as I call it, is a common phenomenon throughout history and today, and I can't imagine this pattern hasn't been thoroughly studied, analyzed, and debated by the social sciences. But then again maybe not; in the age of cancel culture, this is a potentially dangerous subject for a scholar to research and publish about. And on that note, I'll give the only example of a recent CoV that I feel comfortable giving, due to my ethnic and class ties to it: the "Southies" or poor Irish-Americans from South Boston. There are others that come readily to mind, but it's arguably not my place to point them out, and more to the point, I don't want the heat for making statements about what I have not lived and do not understand.

I think I understand fairly well how a CoV forms. What I have no idea about, and would like to learn more about, is how a CoV dissolves. What kinds of interventions and sea changes in the natural and human environments tend to attenuate a CoV, and break its cycle of intergenerational negativity?