He could be dead sleeping and if I say “I love you” he mumbles a sleepy “I love you” right back. Every time. I’m so lucky

I was at self checkout in the big Tesco at nighttime, which is the best time to do a big tesco shop,
with my bits-n-bobs shopping basket,
two ready made containers of soup, some raspberries, walnuts, pack of E14 warm filament bulbs, E27 warm filament bulbs, a big extra large pack of AA batteries,
multitudes of tinned legumes,
spinach,
and some bathroom sealant.

I'm gonna reseal the bathtub you see. Finally, actually, huzzah!
We're gonna try, and we're gonna learn.
and so im scanning all my goods when I hear a voice beside me say;

"Hi there :) Can I see that for a second?" and a mild mannered pointing

... an object is passed, both present beings inquisitive in that moment.

"mmm"

...an object is passed back, only one remaining inquisitive.

"The nozzle on this is faulty :) looks like its melted in or caved in a little, or could be a production flaw, I reckon you'd have a hard time squeezing it out with one of those squeezy gun things"
I thanked her, said I wasnt familiar but I should probably get a different one then, she :) again, shrugged and carried on to her own self checkout with some pillows, a watermelon and several chocolate advent calendars.

Told the self checkout minder Id be back in a tick, went to where the sealant is,
saw that the one I'd picked was a bit fucked in the nozzle, probably wouldve had a hard time with it.

Hi everyone, I hope you are having a good Saturday

I’m always a bundle of nerves and can’t make up my mind.

I want to curl up with some hot cocoa and read a book.

This is my List:

Exit to Eden and The Mummy/ Ramses the Dammed, both by Anne Rice

The Foundation Trilogy by Asimov

The Idiot by Dostoevsky

Dune by Hebert

I'm a middle aged lady who did something for myself today. Paid for a makeup lesson. Ended up getting the owner because the person I booked was sick. It was AWESOME. She was so unique and lovely. Our Thanksgiving sucked and having such a beautiful time was refreshing. I wish the same for you all. It's not the makeup, she gave me an experience that made me feel loved. I hope I do that for others in my life. I'm going to strive for it because the soul sucker's suck.

He was out walking our dog, and he found a scruffy little beagle/jack russell terrier mix-looking dog and brought him back to our house for safekeeping. I held onto him for like fifteen minutes out on the step until the owner came by to get him. The dog was named Rocky, he didn't seem to like me talking to him all that much. Mostly just wanted to run off back into the park where he was found. The owner was grateful, as you would be. I'm just happy he's home :)

Just saw my sister over the holidays after not seeing each other for months and was reminded of how grateful I am for her. We're 14 months apart (I'm older) and we have been best friends for our entire lives. No one can make me laugh as hard as she does and there's no one I'd rather spend my time with. It is such a blessing to have another person that understands you and your family so well. Our parents have their issues and it's great to be able to process all that with her.

Interestly (I think) both my mom and my grandma have sisters they are very close to as well. That side of my family is like an awesome witchy matriarchy lol.

Anyone else have this/get it? We're moving in together next year :)

This happened a couple of weeks ago but I can't stop thinking about this nice interaction. I'd gone to pick up a perfume for myself at the mall and the perfume counter cashier gave me a free sample of another one. I already had it and was trying to decide who to give this sample to as I left. Neither my mother nor MIL wear perfume and I don't have friends who live nearby. I walked over to the restaurant where I was meeting my family for lunch. Because I came so early I sat at the bar and ordered a coffee. I asked the young woman tending the bar if she would like the sample for herself. I worried she might think I was strange for offering but she loved the scent and thanked me. When I asked to close my tab she waved it away and told me it was on the house. I was startled by her generosity and as an asocial person by nature it's rare I have a feel-good moment with another person. Folks can be so kind.

So I’m at my local DG and it’s pretty crowded for a small town. I hate crowds so I rush in, grab what I need, and bee line to the checkout. The store is hot, it’s crowded, and I’m losing patience very quietly to myself. Why do they only ever have ONE checkout open? The lady in front of me is obviously a lot older, seems a little flustered mumbling to herself, and I saw she just had two cards in her hand. Her turn, awesome she should be quick. But alas, she’s a dollar short and has to run to her car. I pull out my wallet, hand the cashier a dollar, and she starts ringing me up. The lady came in and the cashier told her someone paid for her (while pointing with her eyes at me). The lady almost started crying, telling me the cards are for her grandkids cause she really can’t afford much else, she told me I was ‘Saturdays blessing’ and that I was so ‘kind’. She tried to pay me back but I politely said ‘no thank you, happy holidays ma’am’. I didn’t even want the cashier to put me on the spot like that cause I didn’t do it to be kind. I did it cause I’m a grumpy shithead who just wanted her snacks for my bed rot. Glad she took it differently.

We didn’t have a lot of money growing up and I just got used to being cold all the time in thin, cheap clothes. My upbringing wasn’t the greatest either, so I’ve been used to not really being cared for.

The first thing my now-husband bought me when we started dating was a heating blanket for my drafty apartment. Then a bunch of wool socks. Whenever I see a nice sweater he encourages me to get it.

I thought I had dressed warmly enough today, but it’s cold even in the heated house. So I put on a big comfy, sweater and some cozy wool socks, and now I’m warm. It feels good to finally be taken care of.

my upstairs neighbours are so lovely. and they are pretty loaded. their apartment is huge and very luxurious, a lot of expensive art.

they have cat, and i pet sit for them once in a while when they need it. she is a very cute and funny cat.

my parents live in an apartment next to me, and are also friends with my upstairs neighbours, and sometimes my dad (big cat lover) gives a hand with the cat sitting.

when he does, he goes and buys the cheapest, shittiest bottle of red wine he can find.

my neighbours have one of those fancy red wine refrigerators (??) that store the wine at perfect temperature. they don't even drink alcohol so i don't know why. maybe it's a rich people thing.

my dad doesn't have a mean bone in his body, but he does like to prank sometimes. so my dad will put a bottle of cheap wine in their fancy wine fridge every time he gets the chance, slowly filling it, since they don't use it.

he thinks it is SO funny. i am not sure they've even noticed yet, since they don't drink. he's been doing it for almost two years now.

i guess the revelation of the prank is that one day they will notice all that cheap wine and go "??? where did these bottles come from??".

like, i think that's just the prank.

i tried asking my dad about it but he just giggled and refused to explain.

it feels very fitting for this subreddit because if i were to try and describe that prank i would use the word 'benign'. maybe 'unintelligible' as well

I am not great at golf; never broke 100. About 3 years ago I played a few times with my friend Ed. He convinced me to download an app where you track your scores. I added him as a friend.

I didn’t play much after that for a while, but I’d regularly see notifications about his games. “Ed just hit a birdie on the 9th” “Ed just made the turn at +4”. I’d text him supportive messages. It was clear I was seeing his scores.

A few weeks go by and I play a round with a different friend, Moses. I’m playing great (for me) I get to the turn and I’m on to break 100 for the first time… comfortably. I get a text from Ed, “Damn, you’re playing awesome. Good luck on the back 9.”

I tee off on 10. Straight in the water. I immediately collapse, but for fun I decide to keep adding really good scores and make Ed believe I’m having the game of my life. I’m easily going to break 100. Ed texts “You’re having the game of your life!” He’s invested. Me and Moses are laughing at his messages, feeling a little guilty about it, but it’s funny. I’m scoring doubles and triples and adding pars.

I get to the 18th hole and decide this would be way funnier if I implode. So I add the maximum strokes to both holes and I get 101. Ed is crestfallen. He just can’t believe the blow up I’ve had. He’s so sweet and supportive in his messages.

Me and Moses and Ed have played several times since. A couple times at that course. And now every time we play this fiction gets brought up. Ed still believes it. Moses and I keep a straight face.

I don’t know when to break it to him or if o ever should. Both options are funny.

I stopped for gas earlier. It had been snowing for an hour, just very light loose snow. You don’t pay it much attention while driving, it just looks like white dots whizzing past. But stopped at this gas station, a single snowflake landed on my rear view window as I stood off to the side. It looked sharp and angular, yet so delicate. You could see the hexagonal pattern snowflakes have in their common depictions, like a straightened out spiderweb. It ended in points like a Victorian wrought iron fence. It was beautiful. It lingered for a few seconds before melting away. I’ve never seen one like it. I thought these patterns were only visible under a microscope. Snow is usually just those white dots, whether behind the wheel or standing in your yard. But this one wasn’t. Such a unique, temporary experience.

The adventures of my wife sleep talking, night 2

Wife: You weren't letting me talk

Me: What babe? Talk to who?

W: To the ghost person

M: What do you mean?

W: I just said it! You were not letting me talk to the ghost person

M: Oh. I'm sorry hon, let me know what they say

W: 😴

She's the best 💜

I've been an avid runner for years, but I've struggled maintaining consistency when lifting. I always want to lift as injury prevention and just overall health (and hey, muscles), but I can never keep it up for more than a few months. I'm putting together a more runner-centric/personalized to me routine, and I really enjoyed it today. I could tell what I was doing was benefitting me and it felt good to move.

every evening, as we hear their loud chatter grow closer, someone in the house will excitedly yell "listen to the parrots!". we will all peek out the window and, if we're quick, we'll see the parrots fly by, green feathers in the warm evening sun. it's been like this for years. the excitement never fades.

Chicken Sandwich: And he’s in there getting three pairs of sneakers. I should’ve said something.

Nuggets: Like what?

Chicken Sandwich: Like who needs three pairs of sneakers?

Nuggets: No, it’s good you didn’t say that.

Chicken Sandwich: It’s too much.

Nuggets: It’s not your money. It’s not your shoes. It’s not your business.

Chicken Sandwich: It’s common sense.

Nuggets: Don’t go Black Friday shopping with people if you don’t want to watch them overspend.

Chicken Sandwich: What, I’m just gonna sit by and watch a kid buy three pairs of sneakers?

Nuggets: Yes.

Chicken Sandwich: That’s crazy.

Nuggets: You saying something wouldn’t have done anything but rain on his experience. What they buy is their family business. Don’t criticize or complain unless your opinion is asked directly.

Chicken Sandwich: It’s not my opinion, it’s a fact. Three pairs of shoes is too many.

Nuggets: Not your money, not your call.

Chicken Sandwich: You’re all just crazy.

I often let my son play in his room at night, so long as he's quiet and he actually goes to sleep at a reasonable time, I allow him to play with his toys. Tonight, he was squawking rather loud, and so I stepped in to remind him to keep his voice down. He told me, "I'm playing like a chicken!" I said "play like a quieter chicken " He looks at me and whispers baaaaawwwk

I'm dead. I love my son so much. He's 4.

Customer: hey, hard worker!

Employee: hi! How was your thanksgiving?

C: mine was great! I was working.

E: oh, I was off.

C: well I was working, the remote for the TV—changing the channels!

[they both laugh]

Great dad joke, I’ll have to save that one.

For the first time, nobody fought and nobody went home angry.

It was pleasant. Past holiday celebrations haven't been.

Small child in a shopping cart offers his sister two chips stuck together from his snack bag.

Small Child in cart: Look what I found!

Sister: Oh my God those are the best ones!

Mom: He saves the good ones for you, but when I, his mother, reach for the bag, he swats me away!

I was a little nervous as (a) my mother in law is an excellent cook and (b) I'm not American. I brought corn casserole as they hadn't had it before. There were no leftovers - victory!

A while back I had a weird dream. This isn't uncommon due to my medication and the fact I have really vivid mental imagery.

So, I had given birth and was asleep. My boyfriend apparently named our daughter while I was asleep. I woke up and he told me our daughter was with the nurses and that he had the birth certificate already. He was really happy and when he showed it to me, it said her name was "Butter". I got really upset with him and told him it was stupid and that she would get bullied and he was an idiot. He got upset with me because he was proud of the name he chose. Then his mom came in and also yelled at him. I remember specifically yelling "why would they let you do that without me?! and with that name?!" Honestly it sounds like something he'd say as a joke irl- he's that type of person.

Well, I told him this that morning. It's been a few months ago. Ever since then, he refers to our hypothetical baby as "Butter". Things have gotten pretty serious so it comes up more often, haha. I joked the other day that we are basically required to nickname our child "Butter" and he agreed. Maybe "Butterball".

Sorry future baby, it's too funny to pass up 😂 Thought I'd share since it's a pretty cute and funny story.

I worked a Thanksgiving shift at Starbucks yesterday, which I expected to be a train wreck, but instead I had -

• a car with several kids in the backseat give a perfectly unified “thank you” before pulling up to the window
• a guy tell me that he didn’t want straws, but had a question for me (how do moths swim? They use the butterfly stroke)
• a very polite group of kids coming through on a golf cart (I live in Florida)
• no rude people!

spent thanksgiving this year at my bf’s place since my family lives too far to travel there and back for the holiday. his mom asked me to make a pumpkin pie- i made a triple berry pie and a pumpkin pie! everyone said that the pies were delicious which made me so very happy because baking is special to me :)

I recently got a jacket I really love. It makes me feel more masculine. It makes me more boxy and it hides my curves. It makes me feel very manly. But my girlfriend was cold one day and I gave her my jacket. And she looked beautiful. She looks so pretty in black and I am so lucky to have her. I haven’t even had the jacket for a week yet I still want to give it to her. She looks so gorgeous.

My boyfriend and I decided not to be bothered with the chaos of family this year so I got on YouTube university and whipped up all our favorite traditional southern Thanksgiving staples and it came out great! I was so proud I had to share. It was a true labor of love but we've started our 1st tradition.

”Just Do It” Shirt Guy: The other day Kelsey asked me if there’s a fire and I can only get one thing out of the house, what would I take.

UVA Sweatpants Guy: And?

”Just Do It” Shirt Guy: I said the TV.

UVA Sweatpants Guy: Uh oh.

”Just Do It” Shirt Guy: Why’s everyone immediately know to go “uh oh” and I didn’t see anything coming at all?

UVA Sweatpants Guy: Alright, the TV. Apropos of nothing but you wouldn’t want like, your passport or something first?

”Just Do It” Shirt Guy: I got my TV on a fire sale from a pal of mine who was shipping out overseas. It’s a 98 inch monster.

UVA Sweatpants Guy: That’s pretty good. Damn.

”Just Do It” Shirt Guy: It’s got a function on it called “smart TV” with hundreds of channels that are always on with new programming and they’re a little like Reddit. Niche channels for nerds on ultra specific stuff. Like there’s an outdoorsman’s channel. Got hunting shows, survival tips, it’s all outdoors all the time and it’s 24/7.

UVA Sweatpants Guy: What did she want you to say?

”Just Do It” Shirt Guy: Oh, I don’t know. Our wedding album or something. But it’s not 1970. Everything’s backed up on the cloud. All our pictures, documents, whatever else, I’ve got digital copies. But if I lose that TV, it’s all over. Never having that again.

UVA Sweatpants Guy: You probably should’ve just said your wedding album or something though.

”Just Do It” Shirt Guy: In hindsight you’re probably right but isn’t honesty the best policy?

UVA Sweatpants Guy: Eh… Honesty can take on many forms.

”Just Do It” Shirt Guy: Besides, our wedding album and sentimentals and stuff are all in the back bedroom in a closet. I’m not going all the way back there if there’s a fire. The TV is right by the front door. Just, right there. Boom. So, for my safety, I couldn’t have said anything else.

I was going to spend the day cooking Thanksgiving dinner so my husband let me sleep in uninterrupted. When I woke up he surprised me with fresh coffee and quiche. He also spent the morning making a lovely charcuterie board for us. Honestly made my entire day.

Fifth year in a row. The food was awesome, everyone brought a dish.

Everyone went home with a bag full of leftovers.

The cats are mad but we had fun and already cleaned up.

High five to anyone who hosts.