Me and my girlfriend have these silicone Keychain characters from different things like we have 2 little-mermaids, knuckles, a yoshi, ect. with a total of 13.

And we have this game where we hide them around random spots in the apartment. Some stick to "normal areas" like Spiderman is always high up somewhere, Ariel is always near a water source and things like that.

It was my turn to hide all 13 and I did so last night.

She hasn't found any yet.

I’ll be happy once I do it.

This is not amazing weather lol. I could stand for it to be sunnier, or, even better, warmer. I can’t wait to get out there after this post, and get the part about making yourself do it, over with. No, I’m not a wimp, just getting out ther voluntarily, more than some people would.

I hope I see geese, to birdwatch minus binoculars and minus birds that are hard to spot, being silly by the pond. JK, geese are only silly from a human’s perspective. Humans are the only silly animals, and most just live life. LOL.

One of our neighbors is a single mom with her 6-7 year old son. He loves animals (reptiles especially) and hiking, and overall he's a very funny, cute little boy. I'll call him Chippy. Since we have cats and a dog (and a goose) he often comes over to play with them (not the goose).

One day there's a knock and the door and there he is. We let him in and he starts playing with the dog. A couple seconds later my mom gets a text from Chippy's mom asking if he could come visit.

Evidently both the text and Chippy had been sent out at the same time.

"He ran faster than electricity" I said.

Chippy hears me and pipes up "I walked."

My first major memory when I was three, other than arguing with my older sister about whether it was better to go down the stairs one step at a time or one leg after the other (we were both right of course, it depends on your age/ability) was sitting down on the floor and crying because my mom ordered me to clean up my room and I had no idea where to start. I was reminded of this just now because my new apartment is kind of like that.

Don't just order your kids around, especially at 3.

So I moved to a new place quite far from home at the top of this year, completely on my own, and have had to start from scratch socially. While it took some time in the beginning, I have since met a ton of great people and now have a solid circle of friends who I feel really care about me. But of course, I've only known them all for less than a year, and while I 100% call them friends, there's still quite a bit of getting-to-know-you left to do with most of them.

Back in July, I decided to dye my hair. I wanted something bright and fun, so I found a hairdresser who was willing to basically surprise me with the color, with a only a few guidelines from me regarding what I absolutely didn't want. I ended up with a very vibrant lilac purple, which I personally think looks great on me and really suits me. I've also gotten a ton of compliments from everyone around me, and I've kept it dyed the same color since then.

Since dyeing my hair, I've noticed that the people around me have started associating me with the color purple. For example, if someone has a bag of candy, I'll more often than not be given something grape flavored, since it matches. Other small gifts I receive are usually purple too. I was working on a project with some people, and all of my stuff was color coded as purple. Someone recently told me they associate a particular album with me because the cover matches my hair color, and I've even had some people start calling it "my color".

The funny part of this all is that to be completely honest, I don't really like the color purple all that much. I mean it's fine, I don't think there's really a color out there that I dislike, and I think it happens to really suit me as a hair color, but out of the colors in the rainbow, I'd probably say it's my least favorite. My favorite color is actually red, but I don't think anyone here knows that, or would even be able to guess.

But yeah, my hair is purple and everyone associates that color with me now, and despite the fact that I don't really like purple, I kind of love that it's become so closely tied to my identity. I love that my new friends think of me when they see the color purple, and I feel like it makes me easily identifiable and memorable, which is nice as the (relatively) new guy in town. I'd love to try some different hair colors some day, but I think I'll be sticking with purple for a while. :)

So my mom's an alcoholic, and she gets angry when she drinks. This would lead to daily arguments between the two of us. One time when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, we were arguing, lots of yelling, the usual, when suddenly she just stopped and made me go to the computer room with her. Weird, but okay. We sat down in front of the laptop, and she went on Youtube. She then pulls up videos of 9/11, and was like "If you don't act right, this is gonna happen again."

I'm obviously like, what the fuck does this mean. I run to the living room crying. I sit on the couch. She walks in and looks at me. I'm like, "Is it gonna happen again?" and she says "I don't know Maddie, is it?"

Nobody knows what she meant by it (including her). Am I flying the plane? Is it a butterfly effect? Who knows. Your guess is as good as mine.

Edit: This isn't a venting post. I have not been bothered by this in the slightest aside from literally just that one night. My family now laughs about this. Please don't take this post too seriously.

A long time ago I met the relatively famous author Jonas Hassen Khemiri. He claimed that the most beautiful word in the Swedish language is ”örngott” (pillowcase). This has stayed with me ever since, and I agree.

I made vaguely doggie shaped biscuits and wanted to send a picture to my friends. I typed "I made some dookies" without thinking and sent it. They were brown tea cookies too. They weren't popular

So as background, I live in a complex that's mostly larger apartment buildings, but there are a few smaller (4 unit) ones. The addresses on the 4-unit buildings are also similar - think 135 vs 153 - and they all have the same plan.

Anyway, earlier this week I got an e-mail, out of the blue, that a thing I pre-ordered earlier this year had shipped, and was expected to be delivered on Friday (today). I had been really looking forward to it, so it definitely brightened up the end of a rough (for several reasons) week. The delivery required a signature, and so I planned my day around the 3-hour delivery window, making sure that I would be home, not in any work meetings, etc during that time.

The time came and went with no delivery, and I finally checked my e-mail. Unfortunately, I found a message from Fedex, saying that no one had been home. I was confused, then I saw the picture. It looked like my front door at first glance, until I noticed a potted plant that wasn't mine, and the font on the apartment number looked different. I realized that they must have mistaken the address and gone to the building next door. To top it off, Fedex has apparently been having system issues, so I have to call back later to make sure it's correct next time.

It's not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things - I'll probably get the package tomorrow or Tuesday (unless they screw up the address again). But just one of those minor annoyances that has an outsized effect on how you end up feeling :/

I haven't been seeing eye to eye with my kids teacher for some time, eventually it came to a point where I decided that we really need to sit down and talk. I had to have a list with me of all my talking points so I don't forget anything important. I think this really upset the teacher and made her feel terrible. However, I have to be there to support my kid and I also feel it's important that this teacher knows about what's going on. It's the end of the school year for us, and my kid comes home and talks about how angry she is very often, and how she called him an embarrassment. He's almost 6 in preschool... there were many issues.

Anyway, my friend who's kid is also in the same class has similar issues with the teacher. She told me the teacher mentioned our conversation to her and had tears in her eyes talking about it. Honestly, I would cry too if someone came to me with a laundry list of complaints about me.

Dear reader, it wasn't anything serious, just a lot of small things that happened that I wanted to understand from the teacher's point of view. For example, my kid would complain they weren't reading stories anymore, when they actually were. He has also been rolling his eyes at the teachers, which explains why he thinks they're always angry at him. So I had to talk to him too.

Today I bought the teacher a box of brownies to apologize for my kid being difficult and me being on her case. As I gave her the brownies this afternoon, she told me my kid hit another kid umprompted then lied about it, and if I can tell you hearing that stopped me in my tracks. My kid also refused to admit it, cried, was not apologitic and doubled down on lying. The incident was that he woke up another little boy from nap time with a hard smack, when the teachers were doing damage control he tried to lie his way out of it. Totally my kid's fault.

So at that moment, as I stood there apologizing and promising to have a word with my kid and give him some consequences over the weekend, I was SO glad I had those brownies ready for the teacher.

I had two foot tattoos done about forty-two weeks ago. I got them partly because my feet are ugly, so I thought it would be nice to get pretty tattoos on them. I wouldn't have posted photos of them anywhere, because I'm a little self-conscious about my feet, but the artist asked if she could post photos and I said sure. I don't use Instagram much, so I didn't look at the post until now, since I'm considering getting another tattoo from the same artist and was looking for inspiration in her past work. There were four or five comments in Portuguese (the artist is Brazilian) saying what a pretty tattoo it was on such an ugly foot. One person said it looks like my big toe is missing. The thing is, my big toe IS missing, and that's why my feet are so ugly. I had to have surgery to remove my big toe when I was a baby, because it wouldn't fit properly inside a shoe, and also because there were six toes present. Another commenter said that the big toe looks like a tortoises head, which is true and made me laugh. I had to use a dictionary to translate the word for the type of tortoise he was referring to - "jabuti da paraíba". I think it means Paraguayan tortoise. But also, I was surprised that the comments hurt my feelings a bit. I suppose it's one thing if I'm aware that my feet are ugly, and another thing entirely to read comments about their ugliness.

I was in another country for middle school and schools are more open architecturally compared to America. no a/c, doors and windows open at all times unless there's rain or it's very cold outside. one day throughout the morning I would see a black lab on campus, sniffing and running around. some kids were playing with him every now and then. finally when I switch over to my tech classes, the dog comes into the classroom and runs up to a boy while barking and the kid was like, "Tomás! what are you doing here Tomás?? go home!" the dog finally found what he was looking for.

This morning I was on the phone with a good friend when my mouth suddenly tasted like blood. Naturally concerned, I went to the mirror and found that one of my tonsils was bleeding quite a bit (which is not supposed to happen, like, ever). Never having experienced this before, I thought it might be a big tonsil stone or something, so I used a syringe and warm saltwater to try and flush it out. Unfortunately, all that happened was so much more blood. After 20 or 30 minutes of constant bleeding, my friend suggested I head for urgent care.

When the doctor came in, she said, "alright, let me just take a quick look- oh- WHAT??? Why is that happening?? That's so strange... I don't know why it's bleeding. There's no foreign bodies causing it... I've never seen this before. I'm going to text my ENT friend after you leave, she's gonna be baffled..."

As you can imagine, this wasn't very reassuring, but the blood stopped while she was looking at it, so no worries there. She prescribed me antibiotics and said if it happens again to go to the ER. I'll keep my fingers crossed that it doesn't, because I don't know how going to the hospital works :)

There's a series of YouTube videos where a guy with a bullhorn yell compliments at people that start out sounding like they're going to be a normal catcall. For instance, "Damn, dawg! You look like you always put the toilet seat down!"

I was sitting on my porch while a woman parallel parked in front of my house. She got out and started walking to a house across the street. I yelled, "Damn, girl! You parallel park like a boss!"

She turned to look at me before I even finished, and she was clearly ready to throw down. I got to see the moment where her brain caught up and she realized what I had actually said, and she started laughing so hard she ended up having to sit on the stairs to her porch for a bit to recover.

Back when I was a boy, I made friends with this painfully British kid who would always use the word "quite" to describe various things. As I was in close proximity to them, I ended up picking it up in my vocabulary, and unintentionally on one fateful day while eating lunch, I said "damn, this sandwich is quite good" and this kid was in earshot, proceeding to laugh, saying "You daft? You don't get it!". To this day, I still don't know what he was going on about.

Hot summer night, I had the doors open trying to catch some cool air. I'm in the bathroom in front of the mirror, messing with my hair.

I reach down to pet the dog sitting by my leg. Then I remember I don't have a dog. The dog, obviously well cared for, hung out for a bit, then left into the night.

I told my kids, who asked around at school (very small town), the dogs name was Oreo and belonged to a boy named Eric.

I was over at my friends house in middle school and we were hanging out outside. the neighbors dog wandered into their yard and we were playing with it. my friends mom was in the kitchen washing dishes but the garage door was open. somewhere in my ADHD mind i decided to open the door to the house and let the dog in and close the door. about 15 seconds later we heard her mother scream and we ran in all surprised

The recipe I used called for olives, so I bought some. I tasted it and I don't like it. The food itself is good but in my opinion, olives don't taste good. Luckily, I only bought a little jar of it.

Next time that I will cook that recipe, I won't include the olives.

Today, I stopped by a small shop to grab some peanut butter. The place is run by a guy named Bob (fake name), who's probably in his early eighties. He has a bit of trouble moving around and sometimes forgets what you asked for.

There were three people in line and I was second. The guy in front of me was a tall, bald dude who kept yelling at Bob to “move his old ass faster because he didn’t have all day.”

When it was finally my turn, I politely asked Bob for a jar of peanut butter and told him to take his time since it was on a high shelf. After I paid, as I was about to leave, Bob called me “slave” because I hadn’t been assertive enough. I didn’t say anything and just walked out.

Yesterday morning, I went to grab some snacks before I headed out. Biscuit tub was empty but in the cupboard were an unopened double pack of plain digestives and an unopened double pack of chocolate digestives. I removed one of the packs from the chocolate double pack, opened it, removed 3 biscuits and put the open pack in the biscuit tub.

Fast forward to this morning, I go seeking out a chocolate digestive. In the biscuit tub is one full, unopened pack of chocolate digestives. On the shelf is an unopened double pack of plain digestives and an opened double pack of chocolate digestives with one unopened pack inside. Did the three biscuits just magically reappear overnight and the packet in the tub reseal itself?

To my knowledge nobody has purchased another pack and it would be highly unusual for an entire pack to be consumed in a day in my house, usually they last at least a week.

My mum thinks I’m mad for thinking it’s weird, but I wanted to share this weirdness somewhere and this felt like the right place as it’s a pretty pointless story!

He was just sitting on the couch, not really moving. I moved him outside using a sticky note and gave him some honey water. He's started to move around now.

I hope the little guy makes it.

This is a story I still remember, and honestly, it keeps me up at night sometimes.

Back when I was a senior in high school, our school had this stupid policy: if you were late to class, you had to give a presentation during the morning lineup.

Nobody liked it.

standing outside under the sun, listening to some poor soul waffle and yap about climate change or penguins.

It was like a nightmare you dreaded more than exams.

So, one day, I was late to chemistry class. I didn’t have a smooth excuse lined up, so guess what? Your friend here was volunteered for a presentation the next morning.

When the unfortunate day arrived, they handed me a stack of papers, crammed with overcomplicated math. I don’t know who came up with this genius idea, but it was something like using mathematical metaphors to tell a “story” .

a really long, confusing story, with complex equations that would apparently lead us to the profound moral: "chase your dreams and never give up."

Yeah right… the only thing students would be chasing was me, if I stood there talking too long.

I mean, I get it. If someone is droning on and on about trig functions or is taking too long to talk , I’d want to toss my backpack at him too.

So, my turn came. I took the microphone they handed me. The entire school went dead quiet.

....

I glanced at the students, then down at the paper, then back at the students. And then I just said :

“Practice makes perfect.”

And I dipped.

The whole school erupted into laughter, and even the teachers were laughing. To my shock, they let it slide. I don’t know if they thought it was a clever joke or if they just assumed I was an idiot who needed a stack of papers to say ‘practice makes perfect.’

To this day, I’m not sure.

Like were they laughing at me, or with me? I still think about it sometimes, trying to figure it out.

Anyways that's it : )

I was walking to my house one day and saw this weird looking bird on the sidewalk. It looked kind of like a pigeon but the colors looked different than a usual pigeon. When I got closer it didn't move it just chilled out on the sidewalk. When got to the point I needed to walk around it the bird did not care about me. Every other bird I've seen outside would've flown away after I got that close. It had a small band around it's foot. I showed a photo to my friend who likes birds and they told me it had to have been a domestic breed or something. Really cute bird regret not petting it.

I was standing outside a gas station in Florida I had a great tan going on. I was wearing a pitsburgh stealers shirt with the sleeves cut off and a pair of those huge mirror sun glasses that were popular like one summer. This guy kept yelling Plsxico finally I looked at him and he said go stealers. I gave him a thumbs up he gets out of his truck walks over and says I can't believe it's you I'm like a huge fan can I get your autograph I was like sure man he runs back to his truck and grabs a Plaxico jersey so I signed it made that guys day. This is the first time I ha e told this story but unless he reads this he will always charrish that moment.

When I was in kindergarten, I once had a plan to escape school jailbreak style by digging under the fence. Took us weeks to do this, mostly because we used those 2 dollar beach shovels you'd find in dollar tree,but it was easy, because the playground was made of dirt and wood chips. After weeks, I actually made a hole big enough to climb underneath the fence, but I knew when word would get out about me escaping, my dad would whip me with his leather belt(three times was his usual),and I would feel it for weeks, so I decided it was not worth it. What yall think? 👇

"Who's ready to go to kindergarten!?!?!"

One of my preschool teachers asked an assortment of classmates and me.

"Me! Me! Me me!!!" we all shouted.

"Yes, yes, you all are. Except for you Kevin."

Which was not something I was expecting.

So, instead of going to rehearsal and singing the song we'd been working on for a couple weeks with the other graduating preschoolers (or, "second year" preschoolers), I was bumped down and had to rehearse with the first year preschoolers.

The first years were singing "Baa Baa Black Sheep" as part of their ceremony. Since I had never been with that group, I did not know Baa Baa Black Sheep. As we were rehearsing, I had to frantically look back and forth amongst the other first year students to try and figure out what I was supposed to sing and also what dance I was supposed to do with these kids.

My friends in the second year graduating preschoolers thought this was hilarious and were bursting out laughing as they watched my struggles.

When I got home that day, my mom asked me how school was. I explained that it was fine... but I had been pushed into a different recital and I didn't know the words and I couldn't do the dance.

She explained that... she had called the school and told them I wasn't graduating into kindergarten but instead was going to a different Pre-K school.

I told her I did not like that.

So, the next day, she called and told them "Oh yeah, he's actually going into kindergarten next year and not going to Pre-K"

... keep in mind that phone call probably occurred the day after the call where she told them the opposite.

But, that was good enough for the gatekeepers at the pre-school, and they put me back into the program with the second year graduating pre-schoolers. I got to wear my paper grad cap and sing the song I knew (which, ironically... I don't remember what that was 30 years later) before I eventually went to the Pre-K school in the fall.

Staff briefing with the teachers this morning. Me-We've got a new starter so it should be a challenging day. He's mixed race and I think the girls will be interested. The Wirral is one of the whitest places around so it will be a novelty for them. Lizzi (30)- Yes. They are often fetishised. Brenda (60)-They are usually good looking half-casts. They look like they've just come back from their holidays.

I hope this is long enough for the word count.

I used to work for one of the biggest security companies in the US as a EDO or emergency dispatch operator. Basically if a alarm for a business would go off, I would be the one to receive it. Most of the time they were boring. Just refrigeration alarms or alarm resets. Sometimes however we would get real emergencies such as fire alarms or burglar and hold up alarms.

Ill start with a funny call. I got a boring alarm call for a business. I think it was just me telling them they need to reset their alarm or something. It must have been a wrong number though because when I called it sounded like a daycare or something answered.

This confused guy didn't know what I was talking about when I was talking about an alarm. In the background I heard a whole bunch of kids screaming and running around. The guy suddenly says "I'll be right back!" As I'm waiting I hear in the background "No Damian, Don't!" "DAMIEN NO!!!" Then a sound of something big and glass shattering. I waited a couple minutes but the guy never came back to the call. Damien sounded like a handful.

My second most memorable call was a burglar alarm. It was for a cell phone store and most of the time it's just employees accidentally triggering the alarm. The alarm I received that day was for broken glass. The call went something like this.

Me: "Hello this is specialneedsburrito with xyz security. I can see a burglar alarm has been activated for this location is everything okay?"

Lady: "Yes everything is fine we don't need police"

Me: "Okay can i have the password to confirm everything is okay?"

Lady: "Yup everything is fine thank you."

Me: "Do you have the password?"

Lady: "Yup thank you"

Me: "Okay have a nice day "

After the call i immediately contacted her local police and informed them there may be a hold up or something happening and explained the suspicious call.

I was updated later that when the police arrived they found several people holding the employees at gunpoint and looting the store.

When you saved property or people you got your photo taken for the monthly wall of fame. So i got my face on a wall for a while.

I have a few more stories from my time working there but these two were the most memorable. Maybe I will share more if you guys are interested

It was 72 degrees in the condo yesterday. Odd because that’s the “textbook room temperature.” Good thing that’s Fahrenheit, because we would evacuate otherwise.

If that were heating, back home in Missouri, and not AC on a nice, warm vacation, and it was too hot for you, you could joke, “is this Celsius,” while pointing at it, to exaggerate and hint to turn it down. “Is this Celsius“ = exaggeration to turn down the heat from 72, maybe to 68 or something, or 70-71 maybe.

If it’s cold, as heating, put on a jacket maybe.

If it’s AC—sorry, if you think it’s too hot, you are out of luck, and too cold with AC on 72, maybe turn it up or don’t depending on what people say, given it may be 50/50.

These can vary depending on your company.

she was Brazilian. tasty food, but interesting snacks. she liked eating avocadoes with sugar. she knew how to communicate but she would speak to me in Portuguese anyway and I had to decipher what she meant. sometimes her daughter would help me.

she loved dancing and played a lot of carnaval videos on TV. she told me I was going to have a fat ass one day. she wasn't wrong.