just curious to see other opinions about this, my boyfriend is dressing as a “sexy cat” for halloween (fishnets, skirt, ears) and i feel that it’s a little bit of a mockery. the justification is always the whole fuck gender roles thing, and i love that, but it is absolutely never a sexy masculine costume or a nonsexual female costume. because of that i can only interpret it as a joke where the punchline is looking like a woman. idk!!!!

So I'm asking if feminists hate men in general or if it's just some of you? Do y'all agree with Misandry or do you oppose it? Are men to blame for all of your issues? what are your reasons for being a feminist.

Would you marry a man who want to be a househusband in a trad wives sense? He is a handsome and muscular man (Or a man with pretty/cute boy type of face if you prefer that.), will stay at home, obedient, submissive, and can cook, clean, and raise the kids. He won't work and won't leave the house without your permission unless emergency. You hold all the authority in the household. I'm asking this because I'm curious how a lot of women feel if the trad role is reversed. Would you like it?

I am thinking of this ad by Progress Action Fund and Defend the Vote SuperPAC's

https://x.com/Tpsmyth01/status/1852074245943132377

To get something she wants from your spouse or any man. Is this empowerment? Is this ethical from the feminist point of view?

I’ve noticed this and it’s not just on Reddit, but other platforms as well. When it comes to feminist subjects, why do people turn it into a “people” issue, instead of what was originally the talking point, which is WOMENS issue.

For example I was on threads earlier, and a man claimed he finally understood that women can’t always just prevent themselves from getting raped. A whole bunch of ppl including women, commented saying “people in general have to prevent themselves from being assaulted”

It bothers me that people do that. Those conversation was originally about WOMEN being in danger, NOT PEOPLE in general !

I've always wondered about this. Throughout my life no one ever taught me that women aren't as smart as men or as capable as men. I sometimes catch myself in moments where I think things that aren't true in my head, but these things seem to be explained by how society treats women, like discouraging them from STEM and stuff.

But what about statistics where men are more likely to talk over women, or how men sometimes think a woman doesn't know something that she does? Or ignoring when a woman says something and listening when a man does? I probably do this to some extent, but it's not as if anyone taught me to do so. So where do I (or men in general) get it from? Am I able to unconsciously tell I'm treated differently?

Ive got lots of troubled young kids, and they just absorb everything around them. But as their teacher they are crazy influenced by my behavior and characteristics.

I try my best to be a good role model. Im always telling them about my emotions, even going out of my way to show sadness and describe its natrual occurrence in my life.

Similarly I'm trying to connect self worth with internal gifts and treasures. I use a Hawaiian Kumu as my inspiration for this

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=L8efSW6Biog

But I want to see if there is any advice or criticism this lovely community could offer.

I am particularly worried about these students, but particularly girls getting on social media in a few years. I'm kinda old and came up before the internet. Any kind of stuff I could do to build their resilience, and self worth.

It feels insane to protect these kids so much from any kind of physical danger, and then just willy nilly expose them to a toxic cesspool of psychological violence.

Or am I way off?

Thank you for advice. I wanna help these kids and im worried.

Edit: from what I see in the comments, egalitarian is someone who believes everyone should be equal but doesn't fight or protest to make sure people are equal.

Though I'm wondering if this is part of being egalitarian or just a trend found in egalitarians and if there's a different difference between them and feminists.

https://youtu.be/tSw04BwQy4M?si=DTSX-b3UkqJK_eCF

Link /\ /\

Short description, it's about how the left are abandoning men and that Harris/Walz are eager to get mens support.

Edit: I saw another post a few months back and it asked "it's seems that men are being radicalised towards the right, which affects women's rights". So I'm curious how people feel about shoeonhead's video, in relation to the left abandoning men and thus affecting women's rights.

Do feminists advocate for equal sentencing (compared to men) for women convicted of domestic violence?

I have been asking myself this question a lot and can’t work out where I land. The majority of sex work clients are men. Does the availability of sex work perpetuate the belief that men are entitled to sex?

Edited for clarification: There seems to be a number of comments that have interpreted the initial post in a chicken/egg manner. This may have been an error on my part so let me clear that up. I am not suggesting that ‘sw exists and therefore men feel entitled’, I am suggesting that ‘men feel entitled, therefore sw exists, and as a consequence sw reinforces the societal belief that men are entitled to sex’

Hope that clears it up

Let's say feminism triumph and society is modeled after its ideal, would such society survive without strong male role models? What would be the future if both sexes engage in strict competition for resources and opportunities; what would happen to birth rate, the armed forces and external threat faced by such society?

There are several states with such strict abortion bans that the only way to get an abortion is if the mother is practically bleeding out on the brink of death. Or the standards of what constitutes the mothers life being in jeopardy under the law are so strict and narrow that it makes saving the womans life almost impossible in the event of complications.

There are countless stories of women having pregnancy complications that could have been easily averted by an abortion and her life would have been saved, but some stupid abortion law would have sent her and/or the doctors to prison, the woman couldn't leave the state in time, and died. Statistics show maternal deaths and fetal and infant deaths have skyrocketed since 2022. These laws are saving no one and killing everyone.

I guess my question is: is this the desired outcome Republicans want? I'm talking about the party leadership, not necessarily the voters. Republicans voters seem to be less extreme on this issue, since voters in several red states have voted against abortion bans.

I notice that whenever average conservatives are made aware of high-profile cases of women dying from pregnancy complications that could have been averted by an abortion, they'll often say that the only issue is that the laws were written poorly or imprecisely, or that the law should have more wiggle room for the life of the mother.

Some of them go full denialist mode and claim it was actually abortion that killed the woman, or they'll just say that abortion wouldn't have saved her from death (or that abortion may have actually hastened her complications, leading to death). Regardless, there seems to be a common thread among the rank and file conservative voters: they really don't like it when women die.

They have a hard time facing the brutal reality of these laws, which is why so many of them have cognitive dissonance in their worldview: they simultaneously want to justify their anti-abortion beliefs, but are horrified by these cases of women dying. So they either go two routes: say they think the laws could be written better, or that it was those dumb career Republicans who wrote the laws stupidly, or just say that it was actually abortion that killed these women, or that abortion made things worse, or that abortion wouldn't have saved them anyway.

Either way, they can never admit that it's the anti-abortion position as a whole that's the problem, it's just specific laws that are a problem, or actually the media is just lying about her death and she actually died from abortion or was gonna die anyways. But none of them are ever like, okay or happy with women dying.

In my experience the vast majority of them believe abortion is justified if the mothers life is in danger, but yet so many of these laws are so strict that it practically seems like they're designed to kill women. But I wonder if it's just that Republican lawmakers are so stupid and ignorant of biology that they don't even fully understand how their stupid laws harm and kill women.

The lawmakers are usually religious nutters who don't know shit about anything, and they tend to subscribe to magical thinking. I think many of them sincerely believe that their laws wouldn't harm women. I remember back in 2022 or 2023 when the harmful effects of these laws were starting to be felt, there was at least one Republican lawmaker who said he didn't expect women to die from this, and he basically changed his position on abortion because of a notorious maternal death that happened in his state. Maybe it was Utah?

Another part of me is more cynical about their intentions. I think most of the MAGA rank and file voters don't want women to die, but the ones that are fine with it in my experience are the Evangelicals. I think the Evangelicals know that these laws put women in more danger and they're okay with that. They want that, in fact. In recent years I've noticed certain circles of conservatives (usually the very traditionalist/paleo types) admitting that they view abortion bans as a way to force women into monogamous marriages. They think abortion bans discourage "promiscuity".

And when you point out the increase in fetal and infant deaths, they'll just claim that those babies died naturally or because of abortion, or that they died but at least no one actively killed them (basically the "it's not murder if you don't give a guy cancer treatments" thing). They can never admit their policies are counterproductive to their supposed goal, which makes me believe that saving life isn't their actual goal: it's scaring women into subservience.

They've been revealing their power level a bit in recent years, and this is one reason I think a lot of them are fine with these laws. They view it as a way to control women's sexuality. I think it's the same reason those same people were against treating HIV/AIDS back in the day, because they viewed the disease as a punishment for "sinful" behavior (being gay). Same with the abortion bans: it discourages "sinful" behavior, so they support it regardless of the consequences.

Obviously, all of us have known for a long time that this is about control, I guess what I've been wondering about is to what degree Republicans are motivated by a desire to control women or because they sincerely have these stupid religious beliefs and a total lack of understanding of biology.

I'm in Florida, in relative MAGA country, so I have a good sense of what the base believes. I get the impression that most MAGA voters want the party to moderate their position on abortion more, by allowing more exceptions for rape, incest, life of the mother, etc., while it's the Evangelicals that are the most extreme on the issue. My area is roughly 50/50 red vs blue, but there are a lot of Evangelicals down here, and I can sense the tension between mainstream MAGA and the Evangelicals.

We've probably all heard the narrative about male suicide and men accounting for most suicide deaths. Recently, I've come across a bunch of articles such as this one that talk about how women attempt suicide at higher rates than men do. However, statistically women are much more likely to survive than men are. According to the CDC men account for 80% of suicide deaths. Does anyone know why from an individual or societal level there is such a big discrepancy?

Man here, so this is looking at the female experience from the outside-in.

Over the past year or so it's been clicking that every single time the first compliment a woman receives is something about her appearance. A friend of mine posts on social media? First few comments from her friends are "hottie" or "you're so pretty" or some variant of that. I even heard the same towards pop artists in their music videos...female acquaintances don't talk about the music video, or how good the music is. The first thing they say is how "gorgeous" the artist looks.

Of course it's not just women, clearly other men do this too, but I feel like I'm the only one in my circle raising eyebrows every time this happens, how appearances are always the first thing that comes to mind when the topic's about a woman.

Anyone else thinking the same thing?

Hi everyone, TIA for your recommendations!

I have a very close male friend in his 30s who, for the last year or so, has taken interest in romantic and sexual relationships with women who are about 20 years old (and perhaps younger). I personally feel that my friend's choices are driven by deeply held insecurities. After myself and a few other women in his life have voiced concerns, he seems open to exploring how more complex power dynamics and social trends might be playing out through him.

I'm looking for some reading recommendations. Here's what I'd like to share with him:

• Essays or book chapters that are readable and easy to digest (not too academic and not too radical)
• About the sexualization of and desire for young women in a patriarchal society/fetishization of youth and why it's a problem
• Explores how mens' power, unconscious biases, socialization, and insecurity plays into age gap relationships with adolescent and young adult women
• How these kinds of encounters/relationships impact young womens' development
• Resources on how these kinds of power dynamics harm young women even if men are well-intentioned, not manipulative, not domineering, etc. ... and how men can be vying for dominance in subtle/unconscious ways even if they believe they respect women
• Something that explains how systems of power are internalized and institutionalized and often play out unconsciously
• Honestly even better if it's written by a man

Also if you're a woman and you've a) been harmed by older men when you were that age, or b) seen the men in your lives behave this way... I'd love for you to share your thoughts and feelings. Any anecdotes about seeing men you trust and care about behave this way (and how it affected you, your relationships with, and opinions of them) might be helpful to share too.

I've honestly been so put off by the whole thing that I'm having a hard time articulating these ideas to him and I really need some help. Thank you all again.

Hello everyone,

I am a feminist and deeply believe in equality between men and women, especially regarding intellectual equality. I am convinced that women have as much potential as men, though I recognize that there may be differences depending on the field. However, a comment my father made the other day got me thinking. He asked me how to explain why so few women have been awarded prizes, like the Nobel Prizes, for example.

I’m aware that it hasn’t been very long since women have had access to the same education as men and that even today, there are stereotypes or discouragements that influence women’s orientation toward certain disciplines, especially in science. Even though progress is being made, particularly in developed countries with more support and incentives for women, a difference remains. Why, despite these advancements, do we still see fewer women making major discoveries compared to men? In many fields such as science, philosophy, technology, mathematics, diplomacy, etc.

Please, no hate; I’m just trying to educate myself to understand this gap and build a better argument in my future discussions. Thanks in advance to everyone who responds.

I once bumped into a book (anthology) titled Pornography. I cannot recall the author/s. I do, however, remember one chapter where the author of the chapter discussed sitting in on a recording of a porn shooting and women/actresses yelling at the directors to stop the act and filming. Directors would wave the contract in said women's faces saying they signed the contract so he's (film director) not obligated to stop the shooting of the film. Can anyone direct me to that book?

We have been dating for over two years and have been talking about wanting to move in together and the potential of getting married and having kids eventually.

I already knew that she felt insecure about her boob size and she had mentioned in the past the thought of getting breast implants. She has also talked about wanting a nose job. In the past when this came up I emphasized how I think she looks beautiful how she is, and she would say how she’s always disliked those features about herself and had hoped her boobs would get bigger as she got older but they haven’t.

This topic hadn’t come up for a year or so until recently when she mentioned wanting a boob job. I told her that (on top of thinking she’s beautiful and shouldn’t want to change anything in the first place) what’s mostly concerning to me is the fact that she values physical features like boob size or nose shape enough to pay money to undergo surgery to change them. I asked her what she would tell a hypothetical daughter if she felt insecure about having small boobs. She said she would tell her daughter that if she continued to feel that way when she was older she could get surgery — nothing about challenging the societal pressure to look a certain way, or emphasizing that there’s nothing she should want to change.

She told me, “Looks DO matter, especially for women.” By which she means that the unfortunate truth is that people (mostly women) are treated better or worse based on their appearance. It’s this that is the main concern for me. I don’t want to raise my children with the philosophy that they must conform to societal beauty expectations to succeed.

I also recognize that I’m a man and a lot of this stuff is easier said than done. That’s why I’m posting. I’m very interested to hear people’s thoughts about this.

PS I feel like it’s relevant to also say that she’s black (I’m white), so, particularly with the nose thing, it’s also a question of white beauty standards.

EDIT: I want to clarify some things since I keep getting similar responses that seem to be misinterpreting what I mean.

This isn’t about controlling if she does or doesn’t get plastic surgery. It’s about sharing the same values. I mentioned having kids because I want to be very deliberate with the values I instill in the children I hope to one day have.

I’ve gotten some replies suggesting that if I’m turning to Reddit to settle an argument, then we should just break up. Honestly it’s kinda funny seeing these, since it’s become a bit of a meme that people on Reddit always jump to telling people to break up or get divorced, and this is the first time it’s happened to me. I should clarify that this has never been an argument or fight between us. It’s just a conversation we had that I wanted new perspectives on.

A lot of people are commenting “her body her choice.” I never meant to imply that I think I should be making decisions for her and her body. I am only concerned because I think it is incongruent with my values and the values I would want to teach my hypothetical children. It’s my understanding that the vast majority of feminist writers and academics disagree with “choice feminism,” the idea that any choice a woman makes for herself/her body is a feminist choice. It is still possible for women to make choices which perpetuate patriarchal attitudes. I made this post to ask about the feminist/woman’s perspective on the practicality of this issue that I don’t have any first-hand experience with. If you still want to reply to this point, I do want to understand the experiences that lead people to get plastic surgery. I don’t find it helpful when people just say that as a man I have to accept whatever a woman says without trying to understand first.

EG, in the play Othello Venice, Iago is, spoiler alert, trying to take Othello the Moor, a Venetian colonel, down by court intrigue, and Othello's wife and Othello being gaslit into thinking she is adulterous is a critical part of the play. I read the play in high school, in fact I was given the role to play Othello which was ironic given my skin tone, but I was drawn anyway, and there are some interpretations that while far from egalitarian to us, could arguably be an improvement on the contemporary ideas, more so in relation to race relations but still, something about women I suppose.

And Romeo and Juliette also come to mind. The friar was willing for some reason to let two teenagers, she being sixteen originally but then was made thirteen by the Bard, marry for love and not the partners the Montagues and Capuettes were part of, and while there are problems with imagining a thirteen year old girl consumating a marriage, even with another teenager, the possibility of her becoming pregnant as a result of that if she didn't die soon after, and what exactly it does to perceptions about the age at which it is moral to marry, but some could argue that it is harder to make someone that young to be a villain or evil or some wicked harlot as many those days might have tried to make others out to be. Though that has other implications as if women who are older, even those as young as sixteen, are evil and corrupt.

I chose those two examples for no particular reason, don't worry about sticking only to Shakespeare.

i’m fairly new to the concept of feminism and i’m quite interested it in. one thing a (female) friend of mine, who has sort of introduced me to it, told me is that being a male i have a lot more power to call out acts/ comments of misogyny.

i guess im just wondering how do you go about that especially without being seen as ‘that’ guy? it’s kinda hard for me to describe but the sort of ‘is he bothering you?’ nice guy or white knight that most people just see as a joke.

if i was to answer my own question id say it lies within the intent, that being the ‘nice guy’ is only doing it hoping for something in return but how do i show people that my intentions are not ultimately selfish?

I know many men who are learning and willing to understand more about misogyny. We will get in discussions about women's perspectives, feminism, impacts of patriarchy on both men and women, etc. They seem keen to learn and grow.

However, despite having this mentality, they are visibly uncomfortable, sometimes defensive, when I point out their actions/statements that are misogynistic. For example, the "harmless" joke. To be fair, on the scale of Mother Theresa (not offensive at all) to Trump's recent NY rally (f***ing offensive), these jokes are closer to mother Theresa with these particular men.

In many cases, it seems as though it begins to be too much for them to handle, emotionally. I think they are feeling overwhelmed and guilty so they begin to close off. So my question is, when in this situation, what do you do? Do you give grace to someone who is still mildly ignorant of what they are doing, holding off until they are more open? Or do you push the education at every available opportunity? How much patience should we have?

Edit: Thanks to all those pointing out the problem with Mother Theresa! I grew up with the phrase "Be as good as mother Theresa" so instinctively I just used her in my scale. I will do the research and educate myself.

Hello everyone!

Before I start, I want to clarify that ADD and ADHD are real diagnoses and that symptoms of these realities (disorganization, forgetfulness, speaking over people ect) are a result of ADD/ADHD and we should understand that and try and help people in our lives as best we can.

What I am talking about specifically is a phenomenon that I am seeing where Men with no diagnosis or previous history of self diagnosis are suddenly self self diagnosing and are using it as an excuse to avoid doing chores. I have seen this happen a few times now with my friend’s partners. It is usually always after an argument happens about an unfair split of domestic labor.

Again, I have ADHD myself and I know how difficult it can be to get a legitimate diagnosis (lol, it is difficult to expect someone with these issues to be able to schedule multiple doctors appointments weeks in advance) but I just am starting to have some suspicions.

As I have ADHD, I can usually recognize symptoms in other people pretty quickly but I have trouble seeing symptoms in my friend’s male partners.

Update: Is anyone else seeing men with self diagnosed ADHD use it as justification for what would usually be seen as weaponized incompetence?

I feel himpathy can be bafflingly common at times. What are some examples you’ve experienced and how can one identify it?

Himpathy is ”the disproportionate sympathy extended to a male perpetrator — especially those with higher social capital — over his female victims, in cases of sexual assault, harassment, and other misogynistic behavior.”

I just saw people extend himpathy to a man who raped his wife while she pretended to sleep. They said it was a “communication issue,” that he was a “good husband,“ and that he didn’t deserve to be lumped in with her previous rapist because it would hurt him.…………..

For example comments like, “Something about her is off” or “She gives me bad energy”. Are comments I see a lot made about female celebrities from other women. I always find them weird because they come from people who never met them before. It’s a narrative they came up with on their own.

Hoping this isn’t a dumb question. Thank you to all responses in advance!

Simple as title...

Btw when I say problems, I'm talking about things like implications of race, female perpetration of sexual crimes, and the influence of wealth disparity which will significantly impact results. This is also intended to be directed towards western countries and dynamics...

I was wondering if the concept could also be applied to species that are similar to us?

What would be the definition? Why/why not?

As a feminist, do you fall in love with someone? If you do, do you want to get married? Or try to be single? Maybe just living together. Or prefer to live separately but as neighbours?