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Study: More Americans Buying Firearms To Defend Selves From Toddlers Who Found Their Guns

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Pros And Cons Of Eliminating The Department Of Education

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Report: ‘La Liga’ Probably Means ‘The League’

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Guy Who Posted Craigslist Ad Wasn’t Expecting Dame Judi Dench To Buy His PS4

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Aaron Rodgers Takes Blame For Parts Of Game Where Jets Were Winning

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Girlfriend Keeps Dropping Hints About Wanting 17-Hectare Mausoleum Complex

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American Express Launches Small Sweatshop Saturday

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Area Man No Longer Playing Up Resemblance To Kevin Spacey

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Orgasm Pretty Good

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Parents Completely Jacked 3 Months Into Retirement

Study: Overuse Of Hair Detangler Giving Rise To Product-Resistant Supertangles

Family Secret Turns Out To Be Boring

Americans Celebrate Thanksgiving

Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Balloon Floats Away After Handlers Let Go To Check Their Phones

FDA Bans Captain Morgan Rum After Having Way Too Much Of That Shit In College

Manifest Dunce-ity

Report: Most Americans Have Enough Saved For Absolutely Incredible Single Day Of Retirement

Has anyone gotten the printed version of the onion? Is it legit?/gen

<div class="md"><p>Has anyone gotten the printed version of the onion? Is it legit?/gen</p>
</div>

Paper

Jack Smith Drops Election Interference Case Against Trump

Barron Trump Returns Home To Find Melania Converted Room To Unending Labyrinth Of Darkness

It Is Journalism’s Sacred Duty To Endanger The Lives Of As Many Trans People As Possible

Fallopian Tube

Oklahoma Law Requires Ten Commandments To Be Displayed In Every Womb

‘You’re The Bonnie To My Clyde,’ Says Biden Running Off With Pardoned Turkey

Fact-Checking RFK Jr. On Health

God Looks 400 Millennia Younger After Infusing Self With Son’s Blood

Good Mood Wasted On Coworkers

Bush Announces Iraq Exit Strategy: 'We'll Go Through Iran'

Nancy Mace Introduces Bill That Would Ban Trans Colleagues From Congressional Gymnastics Team

Political Profile: Matt Gaetz

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