/r/onionheadlines
A subreddit for writing satirical news headlines in the style of the The Onion
Hi, welcome to /r/onionheadlines. Do you have an awesome (or even maybe sorta funny) idea for an Onion headline? Then this subreddit is for you. Show us what you got.
Feel free to write in the comments section the article that corresponds to the headline, but only if it's 437 words exactly, as is standard Onion practice.
Rules:
1) The only rule is no rules, except for the ones we make up as we go along.
2) OK, there is one real rule. Headlines with links to other sites are allowed, but limited to once per week, per site. However, feel free to post as many non-linked headlines as you'd like, even if they are found elsewhere on the web.
Also be sure to checkout some of the lesser subreddits we tricked into hosting a link to this subreddit:
Of course if you want to post actual Onion headlines, go to /r/theonion. If you post an actual Onion headline here, you'll be banned, maybe. I don't know. There's no rule for that yet. Don't test us.
/r/onionheadlines
37,364 Subscribers
UFO Disclosure Interrupted By Monday Night Football
21:14 UTC
Bouncer Trying To Decide If This Guy Is Worth The Paperwork.
20:40 UTC
Donald Trump Promises To End Woke Movement - Plans To Put The Entire Population in Cryogenic Stasis Chambers For The Foreseeable Future
20:09 UTC
Drone Sightings “Nothing To Worry About,” Joe Biden Says Over Buzz Of Drones At Press Conference
19:46 UTC
Sexy NSFW AI Image Of Madonna With Pope Francis Finally Unites World In Total AI Ban
19:10 UTC
“Nothing To See Here,” Sky Surfing Joe Biden Says From Atop Drone
19:05 UTC
Rep. Gerry, 74, leads a new generation of energized democrats.
18:57 UTC
NASA To "Bring Back" Iconic Space Shuttle According To New Chief Jared Isaacman In A Move To "Distance NASA From Boeing" And "Compete With Elon Musks Starship"
18:55 UTC
Boeing "Finally" Bankrupt On 121st Anniversary Of Iconic Wright Brothers First Flight As Airbus Assumes Global Monopoly Over Aviation Industry
18:49 UTC
POLICE: Ominous “Murder Room” Full Of Crows
18:29 UTC
President Biden Explains Bidenomics: 1) You Pay Taxes 2) I Send It To Ukraine 3) They Send Monies Back To Hunter 4) Hunter Gives It Back To Me 5) Pardon Hunter - "It's Simple Folks"
Do not forget this is satire!
18:09 UTC
Zillow Offering B&B Renters Free Camera Removal Services
16:41 UTC
Food Network Launches Pharmacy And Bank Network
16:32 UTC
General Motors Announces Car That Runs On Seal Blood
16:30 UTC
Pink Floyd Gets Back Together To Write Songs About How Fucked We Are - ‘Someone’s Got To Do It’ Said David Gilmour
16:27 UTC
New “Xmail” Doesn’t Work When Raining
16:10 UTC
Trump Pledges To Move The Entire Continent Of America To Canada By 2025
14:26 UTC
9/11 Conspiracy Theorist References Angry Birds
13:37 UTC
Donald Trump Announces Plan To Buy Ten Commandments Tablet At Auction So He Can Sharpie In 5 New Commandments Before Unveiling It To His MAGA Faithful.
13:03 UTC
Abundant Life Christian School, WI: What A Sad Way To Bring More Prayer Into The Classroom
The nation seems to pray for schools every three months. Maybe we need more—or other —answers.
11:05 UTC
Rock Hard Abs Defeated By Steel Pipe
10:53 UTC
Mitch McConnell Issues Dire Warning to America About Dangers of an Inexperienced and Incompetent Presidential Cabinet, Assures Voters He Will Still Vote Yes to Confirm Arnold Palmer's Dead Penis for Defense Secretary
05:00 UTC
Donald Trump Calls Up Supreme Court And Asks That The Phrase "Rape" Only Allowed To Be Used In Describing Unwanted Sexual Penetration Committed By People With A Name That Doesn't Rhyme With Ronald Drumpf - In Which They Reply, "By Your Command My Liege."
04:37 UTC
After 83rd School Shooting In 2024 Breaks The 2023 Record, Trump Vows That His Administration Will Set A New Record, By Doing Away With ALL Gun Regulations
03:10 UTC
New Study Shows 9 Out Of 10 Women Prefer Wiping With Downy Than Any Other Dryer Sheet
03:08 UTC
Violence Tonight At Local MAGA* Event
*Many Assholes Gathered Around
02:51 UTC
Pelosi Resurrects 18th-Century Democrat To Snub Yet Another Progressive Out Of A Committee Position
02:15 UTC
Donald Trump Excitedly Sticks his Head Out the Window of Elon Musk's Cybertruck and Pants as Elon Musk Drives him to Work for Bring Your Pet to Work Day
02:00 UTC
President Trump calls George Stephanopoulos late at night and breathes heavily then whispers, "you are fake news little George Stephenop..(pauses) whatever your last name is...fake news."
01:34 UTC
Trump Ends Federal Remote And Work From Home Positions, Except For Himself, Saying He “Works Better From A Golf Cart”
01:21 UTC