/r/onionheadlines
A subreddit for writing satirical news headlines in the style of the The Onion
Hi, welcome to /r/onionheadlines. Do you have an awesome (or even maybe sorta funny) idea for an Onion headline? Then this subreddit is for you. Show us what you got.
Feel free to write in the comments section the article that corresponds to the headline, but only if it's 437 words exactly, as is standard Onion practice.
Rules:
1) The only rule is no rules, except for the ones we make up as we go along.
2) OK, there is one real rule. Headlines with links to other sites are allowed, but limited to once per week, per site. However, feel free to post as many non-linked headlines as you'd like, even if they are found elsewhere on the web.
Also be sure to checkout some of the lesser subreddits we tricked into hosting a link to this subreddit:
Of course if you want to post actual Onion headlines, go to /r/theonion. If you post an actual Onion headline here, you'll be banned, maybe. I don't know. There's no rule for that yet. Don't test us.
/r/onionheadlines
28,425 Subscribers
Apple Teases Ad Campaign For Final iPhone Model - “This One Is Really All You’ll Need.”
11:49 UTC
Sex Robot Wishes To Be Unplugged
05:16 UTC
“This Country Is An Absolute Joke,” Local Teacher Says About Transnistria
05:16 UTC
EDITORIAL BOARD: Dems Should Reach Out To Young Men By Promising Sex Robots
05:12 UTC
GOP Voters Hopeful That Trump Can Beat His High Score On Killing American Citizens.
05:00 UTC
BREAKING: Woman Who Voted For Trump Finds Out That She’s A Woman Too- “I didn’t think they were talking about me!”
04:53 UTC
43 Escaped Monkeys Found Exactly Where Expected: Throwing Feces At A Brutally Mutilated Cat Carcass
04:27 UTC
West Virginia Miners Regret Their Votes - “We Thought He Was Talking About Protecting Us”
04:09 UTC
JD Vance Dubs Himself “America’s Göring”
America's göring to have a great time with this new administration!
02:38 UTC
Trump Taps Aunt Jemima For Syrup
02:07 UTC
College Student Expelled for Recording, Reporting Frat "Hazing" Incident to Police
School President: "We have zero tolerance of students reporting our fine traditions of sexually humiliating incoming freshmen"
01:29 UTC
President-elect Trump Threatens Brad Raffensberger In Phone Call
Trump: “I’m not looking for votes this time. I need you to bend the knee or i’ll sic the DOJ on your ass on day one”.
01:11 UTC
20 Million Voters Who Did Not Vote Admit Regretting Being All Butt Hurt Because Kampala Harris Did Not Personally Visit
00:56 UTC
God Admits Satan Pulled A Fast One It Might Be Time To Call In The Seven Horsemen
00:48 UTC
Local Man Waiting For Trump Trans Restrictions To Net Him Six-Figure Job And Company Car
00:02 UTC
American Exceptionalism will make Cult of Personality and Unchecked Power work together like Peanut Butter and Jelly
X
23:43 UTC
New Trump Trans Policy Puts Circumcision On Chopping Block
23:12 UTC
First Trump Policy Release Targets Trans Treatments For Minors: “No One Knows More About Minors’ Genitals Than Me, Believe Me”
23:05 UTC
New Trump Policy Release Would Ban Trans Treatments For Minors; Defines Minors As “Any Age”
23:04 UTC
Video Posted To PornHub Shows Trump Fucking Trans People With New Policy Statement
23:01 UTC
President Biden has promised a easytransition for the incoming Trump administration. President Trump has responded by promising that no transition will ever be easy again.
21:59 UTC
Local Principal Reveals Solution For Bullying: Parents Should "Buy Their Kids Brand Name Clothing"
Principal: "How hard is it to get your kids brand name shirts and shoes? Seriously?"
21:56 UTC
New Law States Adults Who Lure Children With "Promises of Candy" Will Not Be Arrested If Candy Is Given to the Child
Lawmakers: "If an Adult Promises the Child Candy and the Adult Gives the Child Candy, this Qualifies as a Legal Transaction"
21:50 UTC
American Non-Voters Agree That Democrats Were Both Too Far To The Left And Too Far To The Right To Vote For
21:41 UTC
Santa Claus: “Ho Ho Ho…I Know How You Voted”
21:33 UTC
TikTok Star Puts Extra Effort Into Being Authentic
21:08 UTC
Local Antivaxxer Gets Exactly What She Wanted: A Nice Winter Coat From Target
21:02 UTC
Pope Says Voting For The Antichrist Will Be Tough To Overlook On Judgement Day
20:23 UTC
Economists Warn Of “Dire Shortage Of Fucks” On Horizon
20:20 UTC
National Center For Missing And Exploited Refuses !
The National Center For Missing and Exploited refused my request for poster seeking information into the " vanishment" of 10 million Democrats who did NOT show up to vote !
So where did they GO ?
The BIG DELETE !
19:42 UTC