I am a person who is very sensitive to the feelings i feel coming from other people. Sometimes i feel overwhelmed as if i were directly affected by other people's emotions. There are also times when my intuition is very accurate when it comes to certain events, but i have no control over them. I don't understand spirituality, so i came to share this and i would like to know more about all of this and if anyone has any guidance for me, such as how i should deal with this and also if it is possible to do things to develop this intuition.

I am a 34 y/o daughter of 2 incredible parents in their 70's. I have two older bros and we are all ~10 years apart and as the years have gone by our relationship changes as we age. For the most part there has never been any major family drama or issues between us with a few minor disagreements here and there. For most of my life I was sheltered as the "baby girl". My parents did not talk to me about any of their family issues other than they grew up in poverty with a large family (common in our extended family structures from back then). I grew up distant from my paternal grandparents (maternals passed before I was born), and was aware that my grandfather was an alcoholic and him and my dad's relationship over the years was complicated. I know now, that my dad still in his 70's struggles in his own relationship with his father, and he does not open up about this much to me. And it wasn't until I was in my 30's that I found out one of my paternal uncles died from substance abuse, which is something related to my AUD mentioned below.

Basically, I started to realize there were toxic behavior patterns I had developed and it wasn't until around 2022 when these realizations came to light. While I've always had a great relationship with both of my parents, I've always been a mama's girl and have a very close and personal relationship with my mom. For many years I considered my dad and I to be close, I may not have gone to him for every advice I needed and as I got older I realized that we just come from very different times so we weren't always going to see eye-to-eye but that never bothered me. I always saw him as loving, hardworking, and a grump sometimes but was always too naive to understand why. Nonetheless, we were always pretty tight, even through my last years of high school / college where we would butt heads because we are both fiery and stubborn.

When I was in my mid-20's I moved 2 hours away from my hometown for work, and have lived here since then (now 10 years). I have been back home multiple times a year, for weekends, holidays, random visits. I speak to my mom almost daily and my dad just depends but I try to call every other week-ish as our phone calls aren't that long (something I've read on here about other similarly aged fathers). When I moved here my parents were still working full-time, and they would visit often as I would also visit them often. After 4 years, I became aware that I have AUD (a form of alcoholism), and my life has drastically changed since then. I have been almost 5 years booze-free, Cali sober as some call it, and getting off the alcohol was the best decision I made. My life has changed for the better and I am healthier. However, I was not prepared for all the realities I would have to face head on, without the fog of alcohol. Many of these moments happening at the enlightening age of 30.

The first toxic trait of mine I noticed was stonewalling. I would stone wall my partner (we are now married) whenever I wasn't in control of him. Something that I realized my dad would do to me. Sometimes even if my husband and I would come to visit them and we would show up later than expected, my dad wouldn't be bothered to talk to us despite us just driving 2 hours to see him. For a while this didn't bother me until I started doing it to my husband over very minor things and it just felt...crappy!

The second was guilt shaming. In 2022, I got c-vid and when I told my parents that I might miss my mom's birthday because I was sick, my dad out of anger said "well it's your body and your choice" directly throwing my decision in my face of not getting vaccinated at that time. So basically, I'm already guilt ridden that I might miss my mom's bday, but then he kicked me while I was down by reminding me that me being sick is my fault. This was the first time that it took everything in me, all the strength I had and clarity from 2 years (at that time) of no booze, to calmly tell him "that isn't right for you to kick me while I'm down like this." He actually apologized and we were able to have a calm conversation after this. I did end up kicking the cov and made it to the party anyways.

The last huge wake up call which has unfortunately caused prolonged anxiety for me, was during wedding planning last year. My husband and I have told our families for years that we wanted to get married in Florida, where some of his family lives (and duh it's a gorgeous wedding destination). Looking back I could have talked to my parents before we made the final decision, but I was overwhelmed by so many different people in our families giving us their opinions of where to have it, that I chose to not be influenced by anyone for my own wedding and picked Florida (we were also paying for most of our wedding ourselves). When I told my mom, she told me that she would relay the message to my dad, and I suggested that we could visit them to talk in person. My husband and I the following week made the trip to see my folks. Spent the night and didn't talk about the wedding and decided we would talk about it the following day. When it came time for us to eat and talk wedding, I noticed my dad was tipsy. He was slurring his speech, and started to speak in randomness e.g. bringing up random things he would never bring up. At first he acted "happy" but I realize it was the booze, and then things just got weird. As we started talking about the wedding, it became clear that he drank in order to have this conversation with us. He disagreed with our decision, and instead of having a sober conversation he chose to drink his anxieties away. We are talking about marriage, and he brought up funerals, and how no one was going to come because it was out of state. Mind you, it was an intimate wedding to begin with. It was as though he wanted to throw every negative thing he could at me so I could say "you know what lets just not do it in Florida and do it here instead" only for his own happiness and content. I held my emotions in. At this point is when I realized the patterns and behavior. When I was drinking, I would do the same thing to my husband. I would try to control him with fear, doubt, and negativity. Here was my dad doing the same to me except this time I was 5 years sober and supposed to be jovially planning the happiest day of my life. I swallowed the tears, he left the table, and I tried to keep the conversation going with my mom and husband. After about 10 minutes I went outside and cried. My mom came out to talk to me, and went back to grab my dad and have him apologize to me. He of course still under the influence hugs me and asks why I'm crying and says "I'm happy for you all everything is fine" completely deflecting what just happened.

The following day we spoke on the phone again because obviously I wanted to talk to him while he was sober, and he continued to deflect and said "do you want me to continue to apologize why do we have to talk about this again". To put the nail in the coffin, I tried to call one of my brothers to find some consolation in what just happened, but instead my brother took the opportunity while I was down, to ask me "when did you decide you were ready to get married" and "this is what your life should look like when you're getting married, you haven't reached your potential" brought up job stuff from 9 YEARS AGO, all to throw in my face almost to reiterate why he THINKS my dad reacted the way he did...mind you they had not spoken to each other about this and my brother was shooting from the hip. My brother ended the conversation apologizing and saying "im sorry this all came out now, maybe i should have had this conversation with you a while back." It was the most bizarre and enlightening thing that ever happened to me because it was at this point, 34 year old alcohol-free me, decided I need to WORK on my mental health because allowing other people even my family to disrupt my head like that, just completely fucked with me and still does. I have been successful and happy, running my own business, living life as an artist in a thriving city with a loyal incredible man by my side, and yet according to my older brother I haven't reached my potential because I'm not meeting his expectations he set out for me. Sure, I don't own a house yet, but does that mean that's IT for me? No...it doesn't. My checkboxes are still getting checked, and I'm healthier than I was for many years and more emotionally mature than I've been in years, doing the work as much as I can. I'm not perfect and I still struggle with all of this because since it happened during wedding planning, I never got to talk about it again to anyone our of fear that my brother would double down on his stance.

After all of this, the wedding was great and we received compliments from my family about how they "now understand" why we chose to have the wedding in a tropical paradise. It was the first time my entire family - my siblings, parents, and nephews - were out of town on vacation together. So on that note, I think my siblings finally "get me" and know that my decisions aren't selfish but are actually in consideration for everyones happiness in the end. It was much bigger than just the wedding. I really saw it as a milestone for all of us to travel together. And I heard whispers that others in the family felt the same way.

My dad, I do have a lot of grace for because I feel like he was broken and never truly healed (he's still dealing with issues with his dad). He was dealt a tough card early on in his life, worked his butt off and stays active with my mom these days, so it took many years to understand the deep roots of pain he has dealt with despite seeming pretty okay on the outside. I pray for him and forgive him for what happened last year. I push myself to call him because I know it means a lot to him. Even if it's small talk and listening to him be a parent in reminding me about the oil changes. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for being a black sheep. I'm sensitive and want everyone to be happy, which maybe I need to let go of because it's an unrealistic expectation. Unfortunately my anxiety still gets the better of me, but I'm just happy to know that I am aware of the generational patterns (at least with alcohol and the toxic traits our family has with it) and am going the right direction to try and make things better for myself in the future of our family. Sometimes I talk to people about this stuff and they are bewildered about why I care so much...like I wish I could care less and let things roll off my back but I'm not there yet and it's getting harder to be more "careless" as I get older.

If you read all of this, god bless you <3 <3 If you're going through it, I hope you find peace <3

Looking for advice

When I was 16 I got a Celtic knot tattooed behind my ear. It was just cuz I thought it was cute and my mom and sister practice witchy stuff. I never have really. But my mom and sister do regularly, but it’s not the kind that I typically see. They don’t follow anything specific, they just do what they think they should. They both always dream things that end up actually happening and they manifest things into existence. I’ve never really been a believer but some of it really is freaky. I never admit to them that I believe it tho. But I have always had the same things. I always dream things or think about them before they happen. Idk how to actually explain my personal situation with things. I try not to believe, but then things in my life happen that makes me think it does.

The other night , I woke up out of a deep sleep because I pinched myself so hard that I bled. I’ve never pinched myself before , especially not in my sleep, and especially not behind my ear. I usually dream every night and I always remember some of them. But that night I can’t remember anything. Idk if I dreamed or not cuz I can’t remember. And that’s just odd to me. But then I realized that where I pinched, is right where the cleric knot is. And the pinch almost perfectly lined up to the tip of one of the triangles of the knot.

Idk how o feel about this situation. And idk how to explain the complete context of myself with stuff like this. But I’d just like to hear what some of you have to say. I’m so lost and I can’t stop thinking about it. I can send pics of it to anyone interested. I was gonna add it to this post but it won’t allow me to

i started really working on improving myself in the beginning of last year and i have changed a lot. i managed to go from rock bottom to living a very peaceful and purposeful life and i'm very content with myself.

one thing i still struggle with is friendship. even though i'm more authentic, more confident and have better boundaries i still attract really weird people, especially guys (even though i'm not looking for a relationship). i thought raising my vibration would attract people similar to me but i just feel that i keep attracting leeches with bad intentions and it's exhausting. i've become more comfortable with being alone but i'm still a young woman that craves for connection with people her age.

does anyone know why i could be attracting these types of people? and what could i do to change this?

Such an important luminary. There’s a lot of controversy if we have been to the moon at all. I’ve heard that the moon has come from andromeda and it’s a space ship. I’ve heard the moon is hollow. How could it be so bright if it was artificial? How could it impact the earth so intensely if it was artificial? I read the ring makers of Saturn and the speak of the craters on the moon created by giant space ships.

What is everyone’s take on the moon? Would it be great to just have a truthful answer when it comes about this stuff?

Even just spirituality as a whole it would be great not to have a million opinions.

Just frustrating about something’s you can be so sure off yet you can prove it. It’s like why do we have to live lives of being possibly lied about everything and any little thing.

Idk about you but I’m sick of mediating and do all this work when there’s no hope of the world being a better place. It’s like the group you want to be together is so divided.

Everything is divided. You can’t believe in anything that isn’t subdivided. Just would be nice if everyone was brought together and everything was transparent.

Has anybody else noticed a loss of appetite? I feel perfectly fine, but I'm just...not eating. I really can't explain I've just drinking water. If I do eat it's once and at the very end if the day. I don't feel hungry at all. Anybody else experiencing this? I know this isn't necessarily "spiritual" but I've heard it is a symptom sometimes

A guy passed away in my town, he was like 22 i helped solve the case of his unaliving i didn’t know him personally but took it heart

since then i see his bestfriend all the time i’ll see her in recommended friends, i’ll see her in stores like walmart, on instagram exc i had never seen her before this

what am i being guided to do? what am i supposed to say the her that i haven’t already?

i asked “does D want me to reach out the R” and the response was “NOW” i don’t know what to do

I'm like awful right now. I don't know what to believe in at this point. I'll try to label most of the points I think I want to make but it's a lot. I desired religion, I desires ritual, worship, speaking with a deity, I've looked through paganism, different major religions, and even demonolatry, but none of them seem to be something that fits me. The idea if being atheist means I get to go on with my life as though there is no divinity and yet I feel like a sack of shit with nothing special.

I'm in a conservative christian area and I wish I could leave it or have a better sense of community with people I actually like or enjoy, and it could very well be I wouldn't be interested in religion with that in mind but I have this deep craving for it.

My own personal beliefs usually revolve around liberation and oppression, being supportive for all oppressed peoples and against (maybe) all forms of supremacy, more so political in nature and so maybe I should stick to that but I just wish and desire a deeper and more spiritual living though I have no principles or rituals or community!

What should I do please help me I am hopeless.

Im going to list everything that has happened on my “twin flame” journey. I would REALLY appreciate you all to please give feedback and let me know if you think I’m crazy or not. I honestly don’t think I am because too much has happened for it all to be a coincidence. But it’s also been 2.5 years of this so I do wonder if I have made this up in my head, or maybe it’s a false twin flame. Here goes, please read and please respond.

The first day I saw him I was immediately intensely attracted to him physically. He’s just perfect in my eyes, 10/10. It was like I’ve seen him before but I never had. He felt familiar, now looking back maybe I’ve seen him in my dreams before. Disclaimer: this man is very popular online. Which will be important later.

I never heard of him. And didn’t learn more about him until later, and that’s when everything, I mean EVERYTHING started to match. Here it goes

The first day I saw him, I was walking into his gym. He was walking out at the EXACT same time. We both stopped and stared, no words spoken. Jsut a stare, I couldn’t move if I wanted to. I was stuck, we both were. That was it, that was day 1.

I never knew what angel numbers were until RIGHT before I met him. I saw them everywhere and have been for the past 2.5 years. I see them all. 111, 1111, 777, 7777, 555, 888, 999 ALL OF THEM. On the clock, license plates, addresses, random posters, literally EVERYWHERE. Especially when I would think of him. I see mirrored numbers, I see 1234, 1212, 1010, 818 and his name was everywhere also and his red car. We even have the same style how we dress. Exactly the same. We have the same taste in food. We both hate chocolate. We both love salsa on our burgers. I’m saying all this to try and imagine how I keep feeling finding out detail after detail and it all matching. At one point I didn’t even become surprised anymore. Jsut frustrated. How are we so alike but I can’t have him lol when he also wants me, that’s how I felt .

One day I was driving, thinking about him heavily, the light turned red, three red trucks drive by, all going different ways, then I look up and the intersection street is HIS NAME. My heart dropped because why all of the sudden I’m seeing all of the coincidences. I Jsut knew this had to be something. Music also, started to align with the thoughts in my head very frequently

I didn’t initially know his birthday, it’s 5/22 and you guessed it I see it EVERYWHERE. My childhood home street # was 225.

Our second encounter: I was working out. He was there. I glanced at him, we made eye contact (didn’t want to stare), then looked away. He walked behind me. I had no plans on doing a DOUBLE TAKE but I kid you not it was as if something or someone turned my head for me! I look back and of course he was already looking. I go back to working out, I can feel someone staring, I look over and it’s him. He is staring at me so intensely, he wants me to notice. Our eyes locked and I kid you not we stared at each other for what seemed like forever. Actually was probably about 10-15 seconds. He was working(filming) and everyone around (about five ppl) saw what was going on. And we both Jsut stood there staring, finally I looked away. I had never felt a moment like that before.

Remember, this guy is “famous” and all over the internet. I refrained from watching all of his content because I wanted to get to know him on my own. He was famous to me. Mostly because I had never heard of him so I’ve never seen him that way.

The next encounter. All encounters have been at the gym (his gym) fyi. I get to the gym and I see everyone asking for pictures and wanting to talk to him(this is the first time I realized how big/important he was to his niche.

He was lifting something crazy like 400 pounds on bench and once he was done, he got up and came my direction. I was losing a 45 late on my he machine I was on. He stopped right in front of me and looked me up and down like nobody had done before. And again, there’s people watching, he’s literally being filmed . I know some of our interactions are on camera lol weird. So I stop in my tracks of course, almost forgetting I’m holding a 45 weight plate and Jsut stare back, I kind of looked him up and down as well then we departed and went back to our workouts.

These stare down moments continued to happen for 3 months. During that, unintentionally I’d arrive to his gym at 11:11 most days. And a lot of the time? He would show up RIGHT AFTER ME. (Later found out he was watching the cameras lol) but in the moment I thought it was another coincidence. We also both have red cars.

I wasn’t sure why he wasn’t actually approaching me because I was clearly giving him the green light and he was clearly interested by continuing to obviously stare so that I would see.

Of course any woman’s first thought was maybe he has a gf but I still confused me as to why he would stare that intentionally. He could have easily looked at me while I wasn’t paying attention but he always made sure I KNEW he was staring.

I’m getting frustrated each time I see him because yes I’m soooo interested and intrigued but nothing is happening. I’ve never had this happen before. If a guy is interested, he will approach.

I gave in and decided to watch some of his content. Maybe I’d get some clarity. This made things WORSE. I was now even more infatuated. He is EXACTLY like me! He even described his “dream girl” physically and you guessed it LITERALLY ME. I’m black and Cuban with curly hair. Those are the literal words he described his “wife”. All of values and beliefs are identical. I’m now 34 and he’s 35. Our life struggles are identical. I promise I’m not over exaggerating. We even lived close to each other before meeting.

After watching a video clip of him saying he doesn’t go up to women because he’s shy, I figured maybe that’s why he hasn’t approached me and decided I was going to talk to him and make some initiative. I wanted him and I wanted him BAD.

So the next time I saw him, I waved him over to come. I could tell he was nervously maybe shy because he was stuttering. We had a quick convo, honestly wasn’t too interested in what he was saying because the whole time I was Jsut waiting for him to ask me for my number so I could get back to my workout. He never did. We shook hands (as we stared into each others eyes intensely as always) and that was it. He said nice meeting you but I knew he wanted to say more. I was disappointed to say the least. Another month went by, still staring. I couldn’t keep doing this to myself, wanting someone so bad that seemingly wants me but nothing is happening time after time. Hes usually working (filming) when I see him at the gym. He’s also very private and so am I. I wouldn’t preferred others to see us at all. Remember he’s famous and I am kind of too in my niche. I like my personal life lowkey. So This particular day, The bold person that I am, decided I was going to leave my number on his car. I felt good about it, I remember after I did it I drove off feeling very happy. Because either way this confusion was over (so I thought) either he was going to contact me and we finally can date get to know each other OR he won’t use it and I’ll know that’s that. I was good with either one. I wondered by the time I drive home will he text me.

He did not I never heard from him. So I figured that was that. I had no choice but to move on from whatever this was. but soon after, I watched an episode of his podcast and it confirmed my fear.

So if you haven’t guessed already, yes he was in a relationship. That’s why he couldn’t do anything. At this point I’m starting to consider his content, everyday for at least 2-4 hours (he has a lot, he’s been famous for a decade). It still felt weird because it was like I was getting to know him and see how crazy the coincidences were but he had no clue. He only now knew my name.

I’m not a woman to go after someone’s man. I was disappointed but knew I had to move on. Which meant I had to stop going to his gym. I knew he would never Jsut let me be, and if he kept staring it would only make me continue to want him. I did continue to watch his videos and listen to his podcast. Beyond my “feelings” for him, he was actually someone I’d support regardless. And like I said all of our interests are alike. I love the guests he has on his podcast. So he’s someone I’d enjoy watching regardless.

Two months went by, I was disappointed but I wasn’t hurt. We didn’t establish anything to be hurt at that point. And it had only been a few months I had a crush on him. I’m watching his podcast like I do every week, and it gets brought up that’s he’s now single.

I felt like I had already put in effort to pursue him which isn’t something I normally do. I think men should pursue women. I don’t chase men but with him I couldn’t help it. so hearing he was single did make me happy but I knew I wasn’t just going to jump up and run over to his gym.

I continue watching his videos and he talks about how he wants to find a wife. He’s said this before, and how he wants a family.

I thought hard about going back to his gym because well it’s his gym. It be different if it was Jsut a random gym. When I first went back, I went at a time I knew he wouldn’t be there. I had to warm up to the idea of seeing him again. After a month, I started to go at my usual time(same time as him, same time as before). There he was. And again, as soon as he saw me, he stared and stared and stared. We were back to this game. No speaking Jsut staring EVERY SINGLE TIME for long periods of time. I’d finish a set and as soon as I drop the weight and look over he’s there staring, like he was watching me workout the whole time. Every time I’d look over at him he was already staring at me so locked in, I guess waiting for me to notice: Of course I don’t mind, but he still isn’t taking any action. I figured maybe he’s still has girlfriend issues or jsut isn’t ready. Like what’s the problem now? You’re single.

The months go by, I keep going to the gym, which is out of my way btw. I was driving a longer distance Jsut to go to his gym. So I’m thinking to myself at this point, at what point do I give up. Yes he’s perfect for me and I knew I was perfect for him. But there we still were NOTHING. He continued showing up to the gym literally right after me(I still didn’t realize he was checking cameras) . More months go by, still nothing, and one day I see him with a girl! Yes, right in front of my face he is hugging and grabbing her as he stares me in the eye. He even still stared me down as I walked by the both of them. He didn’t care she was standing right there or maybe he forgot but he didn’t take his eyes off me. My heart was racing!! I couldn’t believe it, also because of who she was, NOT HIS TYPE, apparently. But that was his girl and this was a different girlfriend than the one he had got out of a relationship with. I couldn’t believe it but also I could. I was “upset” I felt like I had wasted so much time and energy.

The next day I went back to his gym, knowing these would be my last few days there. I had to move on. Even after me physically seeing him with his girlfriend, he STILL stared at me the same. Maybe even more intense now. But enough was enough. I’m not a homewrecker. He was taken no doubt about it. Saw it with my own eyes.

I sent him a message on Instagram saying “stop” he replied “stop what” and I replied “ you know what” he didn’t reply. But he knew. He’s also very careful about what he sends online because he is a public figure and doesn’t want to be “exposed” for anything. He doesn’t know me and doesn’t know I’d never do that. I only went back to his gym once after that and he she still was staring so I Jsut had to quit and stop going. I had to move on from what had been a year long crush at this point.

I still consumed his content weekly. I could not help it. Sometimes I felt like I Jsut needed to hear his voice, sad I know. But I knew I would never make a move on a man knowingly he had a gf. There was nothing I could do.

This was 1.5 ago, I haven’t seen him in about 10 months. I did go back to his gym after me and this guy I started dating broke up (3 months) back in February. But that was a mistake because he wasn’t not staring at me like he usually did. And I as well didn’t feel the same either.

This is where it gets “creepy” for me. It as if the universe is trying to tell me don’t give up on him but it’s like what do you mean I’ve done everything, made myself look and feel stupid.

Every single new podcast he does always somehow correlates to what I’m doing in my life. Not kidding. Like clock work.

Here’s some examples: -I got a malionis (dog) and that same week he’s on his podcast mentioning a malinios -I went to Spain and that same week he’s on his podcast talking about how dope Spain is -I’m a caregiver for my mom(he doesn’t know that), he’s spoken about how he loves women that are caregivers

The list goes on but literally every week something he says matches with what I’m doing currently. And there would be no way for him to know.

I hope I told my journey well and thank you for reading. Feedback is much unappreciated, even if you want to call me crazy. Be honest. Thank you again. Living in this has been draining I can’t lie but it has its exciting moments. Like when I wake up at 4:44 exactly thinking of him. Or when I’m thinking about him so intensely and the clock says 11:11. Those moments do make me feel something. But it’s Jsut extremely hard.

Also: he is very much single now but I’m hesitant to do anything. At this point I feel like he needs to come get me. He’s the one that had a girlfriend and still “led” me on. I know technically he didn’t do anything but he played with my head for a year. And I also ask why didn’t he wait for me between relationships. I know i disappeared for some months but why couldn’t he wait because I would have waited for him.

The universe is in a state of dynamic equilibrium. Living things arise from the dust of the Earth, and return to the dust. In the short period of time called a life, we are driven by some mysterious force to accumulate things, innovate, and fight for survival in the face of death. The truth is God is controlling our experience to build his kingdom. He gives us life, we build his empire. Inevitably, we cannot take things to the grave, and this is how the universe remains in balance: he maintains the illusion (by injecting fear and thoughts that alter our perception in the third eye) that we can live on while we tirelessly create the world we have today, full of every luxury known to mankind, which can only be truly enjoyed by the eternal beings of God's chosen people. We believe our thoughts are our own, but they are not. The rest of mankind gets a lease of some 80 years where they fight for some purpose that makes their eventual demise more meaningful.

But worry not! He gave a way out, his son Jesus showed us. By purifying our hearts and minds by giving our life to God, we guarantee our space to enjoy this world and all of it's joys forever. Something he called eternal life. However, there is one catch: he only allows people who have abandoned destructive behavior called sin. The purpose of this is so his Kingdom does not become a Hell where we selfishly hurt others for self gain. Sin is life negating behavior, not the good and bad notions that we learned in Sunday school. It is human action that results in death.

What a cruel guy! To use us as slaves. But no no no.. he gave us a choice. To live forever or die. We just choose to remain as spiritual slaves and fight for financial liberation, instead of spiritual liberation.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. ^(14) But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

i am depressed, medicated, and in therapy. something has been missing in my life and it’s a connection to myself. how do i achieve this thru spirituality? where do i even start?

Does this group // practise sound familiar to anyone? I’m trying to piece some puzzles together but can’t find much information. Is it legit, is it culty, any link // information // is helpful!

"Life becomes easier and more beautiful when we can see the good in other people."

by Roy T. Bennett

A major tenet of spirituality is to love 100% unconditionally. Though the quote references "...the good in other people.", the essence remains.......same ballpark, different base.

Stay well, 'luv you all,

BT

I’m not sure where to start this exactly. I guess I should start with the fact that I’ve been friends with this guy (I’ll call him Drake) for about three months or so. We clicked almost instantly, in a way neither of us have ever clicked with anyone before and we came into eachother’s lives almost at the exact time we needed eachother. We were both going through a lot of very intense things at the time that both of us had prior experience in dealing with ourselves, and we were able to support and help eachother mutually throughout our struggles. Since then, we’ve grown even more close. We’ve both said later down the line that our connection feels spiritual. He understands me and I understand him in a way that we haven’t felt understood ever before. We’re similar in many ways, and polar opposites in other ways, particularly how we process and understand the world, the way we think, and how we experience emotion. We’ve also both got some sort of spiritual inclination. We’re both highly intuitive and I guess you could use the word “empaths” even (though I hate using that word, I feel like it’s been tainted in a way). We’re both really sensitive to energy, and he claims to be able to see it, while I’m able to feel it on a very intense level. I’ve also got a tendency of predicting things, which I’ve only come to recognize as prediction recently.

That’s just some background info. Recently, I’ve been going through a journey of self-discovery. I’ve had a really rough past month or so that has caused me to question everything about myself and I feel like I’m in another period of personal transformation. He’s been there for me through all of it, and provided his own insight and support. More importantly right now, I’ve been questioning my gender identity, which I’ve done since I was around three or four (I’m 20 now), and I quickly repressed it once it was deemed sinful and wrong and impossible for me to be a woman. That feeling has come back occasionally throughout my life, but I always chose to rationalize it or ignore it, not digging any further into it. Recently, though, this feeling has been really intense and I think there’s a possibility I’m not cisgender. I told him about this when it came up, and he was nothing but supportive for me. He opened up that had actually been questioning his identity for a while as well, and even sought gender-affirming care (only for his physician to tell him it’s illegal in our state).

Last night, these feelings were very intense. We were at my house, and we decided we wanted to watch a movie. We were scrolling through HBO Max, and we saw I Saw The TV Glow, and it immediately caught both of our attention. While watching it, it felt almost spiritual, like it was speaking to me. For those who don’t know, it’s a surrealist horror-drama that deals with ideas of gender identity, self-discovery, suppression of one’s true self, and how the things you suppress will only consume you and make you miserable. It was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment, and it sent me into a slow breakdown. On the way to drop him off at his place that night, I opened up to him about how that movie made me feel. Emboldened, passionate, and equally fearful. I told him that it made me realize that my gender identity is something that I feel like needs to be explored, that there’s something deeper there that I need to understand, and the overwhelming fear I have of actually being transgender. I know that if I were to pursue this and truly feel this way and live as my true self, that I’ll lose everything. My “family” has never been a true family, but they support me. They give me a place to live and they’re helping me pay my college tuition. Without them, I won’t have any of that material security. They’re judgemental, though. Their love is superficial and conditional. I’ve only felt familial love from about three people in my life, none of whom I’m biologically related to.

Anyways, that’s besides the point. I poured my heart out to him about this issue on the ride to his place, crying my eyes out, and when we got to his place, after we had talked about everything, I got out the car to hug him. As I was hugging him, I was crying from this overwhelming love, support, and compassion I felt from him. I felt like our connection hasn’t ever been that strong before. As we were hugging, though, I opened my eyes, and there was light everywhere, radiating, pulsing, and surrounding my vision. I got this feeling of intense love, comfort, and hope, but it wasn’t coming from me or from him. It was external. It felt divine, and it felt like the universe or whatever the greater spiritual “thing” is was speaking its warmth to me. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. Drake said that what I was seeing and experiencing was energy, but I’ve never experienced energy in this way before. I’m still overwhelmed by it, and just remembering that light makes me extremely emotional. I was hoping that somebody on here could provide insight or some sort of explanation. If you made it this far, thank you for reading.

I apologise in advance if I am doing anything that is not befitting to this group, but I come here seeking opinions.

While cleaning our bedroom with my fiancé, I was talking about moving a little book nook that we have to the new bookshelf with the angel statue in it. As she passed it to me, I heard music that I can't even really describe. It was three chords in perfect harmony, one after the other, clear as day to me as I heard them. I froze and asked my fiancé if she heard that and she looked at me like I'd gone off.

I don't know why but it had a very profound effect on me and made me just stop mid motion and it felt like I was thinking about everything all in one moment. 30 minutes on and I still can't shake that feeling of profoundness that resonated through me.

The music was so beautiful and so perfect that although it was 3 chords, it sounded like an entire symphony. The sounds weren't like any instrument I can think of, and I am musically trained and have worked in theater and recording so there are few instruments that I don't know of.

I've ruled out any phones/devices making the noise as both of our phones were on silent and away from us.

I just can't shake the feeling that those chords struck in me, nor can I think about any instruments that could have made this sound. We don't live within the distance that we'd hear anyone playing music etc and have no attached neighbours vertically or horizontally.

Any opinions on what this might have been? All appreciated.

I am in absolute lust- help!

I have never in my life been so in lust with someone the way I am right now. I’m in my 30’s, with an extensive history of relationships- both casual and serious. And yet, I have never ever been so turned on by someone just existing. Truly, the attraction for me is unmatched.

He is also sexually interested, but the act itself hasn’t happened. Normally, I am not this phased by a sexual attraction to someone but this one is a game changer for me.

We once made out and the way he smelled and tasted felt very familiar, but also like I just couldn’t get enough. The experience made me all the more “hungry” and attracted to him. I have tried to rationalize these feelings and pull myself out of it a little, but my logic only lasts for so long before I spiral again. Lol

I’m curious if there are spiritual or karmic ties to this. What lesson am I supposed to be learning from such a debilitating and intense attraction to someone I don’t necessarily love?

You can see the object in the video move up the wall and take a different angle from the wall toward a window. The object disappears in a window and appears to come out a different window almost immediately after entering.

https://youtu.be/VjC1yRmHs6A https://youtu.be/VjC1yRmHs6A

Last April while walking my dog at the park, I very unexpectedly ran into a dead black cat. It was a horrible scene, smelled bad, and the cat’s guts had been eaten. After that day, I had a bad change of luck in love, finances, and career. A few opportunities were coming up, and they all ended as bad as it could have ended. The shift in luck was dramatic. It has been a very challenging period after that day. About two weeks ago, a cat started following me and finding me around my apartment complex, I fed it and after a few days I got it rescued. Well two days after that cat was rescued, now there’s a new cat that met me at my front door. I’m not per se a cat person, and I’ve never had cats approach me before or seen any stray cats where I live. I’m feeling a slight change in energy lately, a more positive hopeful feeling after months of pain and despair. I’m very observant of my life, and I’m convinced my life changed after running into the dead black cat. Now alive cats are appearing in my life randomly. Can someone help me interpret what this could mean? Thank you! ❤️

Any thoughts on this poem? How would you interpret it?

Let a Feeling Crack You Open by Jeff Foster

Here's the bad news: You can't get 'over' a feeling. You can't get 'past' it. You can't release it. You can't let go of it. You can't transform or transmute it. You can't even heal it.

All these ideas come from the mind, not the body, not the Heart.

They are all subtle forms of violence, sneaky ways of saying 'no' to a feeling, aiming for its disappearance, its death.

We learn to let go of 'letting go'. We stop trying to release. We end the exhausting effort to heal.

Instead, we are present. We offer a feeling our simple presence. Our non-resistant attention. Our love.

Here's the good news: In this field of presence the feeling is no longer a problem, an enemy, an aberration, a stain, a block to freedom.

It is no longer 'something wrong'. It is no longer 'negative'. It is no longer a threat. It is no longer an unwanted child. You are now its guardian, its protector, its loving parent, its Home.

And held lightly, in a still space of allowing, the feeling stays for a while, or moves on, or returns, or never returns, but either way, you are healed from the need to find healing elsewhere.

You do not heal feelings, you see, they heal you, when you allow them to guide you back to your original Wholeness, your loving nature, your breath, your place on this Earth.

I seem to have something but I’m not quite sure. I had a dream warning of a tragic death on Halloween. It felt so real I even called my brother to warn him. Fast forward to the day after Halloween- and someone else in the family was murdered. Additionally a lot of my heightened anxiety the past few months revolved around “something horrible happening” and telling my partner I was so scared of something bad happening. It’s as if my subconscious knew it was coming.

A few months ago I was pregnant - I didn’t know for sure but I felt a child’s presence I guess. I felt insane taking multiple pregnancy tests a day that all said negative. I ended up having a very early miscarriage.

These are just more recent examples but there seems to be something? Like in my mind it can’t all be coincidence. I’m more spirituality curious than full on believing but this past year has me looking more into it.

Chakras

Ah yes, a subject not really accepted or known about, but I will give some information.

Chakras can be perceived as an archetypal energetic blueprint for etheric bodies and physical creatures. Every species has a different set, with some commonalities. That's about all there is to know about them in the shortest ways!

I make these posts for the purpose of replies, in order to focus on the individual, and I use these as sort of my beacon.

Let me see your thoughts!!

Unfortunately, we grow physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually only when we struggle through challenging situations in life. This world—and the life it gives us—was designed this way. We don't have a choice: the struggle isn't optional. We can consciously choose our pain, facing it with perseverance and faith. Or we can wait passively for it to find us.

My husband is a truck owner-operator. While on the road earlier this year, he was walking out of a gas station when a man stopped him and says, "hey, brotha, step into your blessings." Our other driver looks at the man puzzled. My husband is taken aback as well. The man looks at our driver and says, "not you, him... you have big things on the horizon. Step into your blessings."

This year has been one of the most challenging years in trucking, so a blessing is welcomed at this time, lol.

My question is, how does one step into their blessings?

when I was 17 | came across the teachings of the first spiritual master Anthony the Mello. At first it was all terrifying but I absorbed his teachings. My interest in spirituality was growing but I didn't feel that it was transferring to my life too much. I simply repeated his formulas because they were encourage tO me in that time. after 8 years I had a very stressful period in my life. probably caused by being alone abroad and anxiety neurosis. although before I felt fine. what happened later, i.e. for the last 2 months were panic attacks, anxiety, high blood pressure, although the blood results were fine, I still felt bad, insecure, stressed. I decided to go back to my country to my parents to get treatment and calm down. what started happening to me was terrifying. my mind started questioning my views. what is love, isn't it an illusion? aren't my parents acting artificially? who am 1? these thoughts were driving me to the edge of my nerves. I was afraid that the teachings had led me to this and I wanted to run away.l talked to two psychotherapists, but I have the impression that they did not understand me. My thoughts and the stress of my stomach are somehow connected, because when these thoughts come, anxiety starts. I started not to think about these things. Now it is much better. But I still have not returned to myself. I still get nervous, and reality has started to stress me out. I try to look around me, touch objects, to prove to myself that there is nothing terrible in it. I have no one to talk to about it. Please. Does anyone know what is happening to me? Please, just do not scare me more. Because I have been very oversensitive lately. I don't know how to be myself anymore. How to calm down, how to calm my mind. If I think about reality to much or who am I, my mind drives me crazy. Where to search help?

Why will God test me if he loves me so much? Does he want to sacrifice myself then, otherwise I don't understand why the heck God will test me since my childhood?

Hello, everyone. I’m new here and this is my first post. It’s taken a lot to even get to this stage of reaching out to try and find those who can relate. After many years of scepticism and an on/off relationship with faith, I’m in the thick of a dark night of the soul. When it began, I don’t even know as life has been challenging for quite some time. But an awakening was catalysed almost eight months ago by a loss. Since then I’ve begun divorcing my former spouse and have moved cities. I’m a now a single parent to a young child and wonder, how to embrace the dark night whilst still trying to function on this earthly plane especially as a parent?

I grieve for the boy that dreamed so much and the man that gave so little…

Both the boy and the man is me.

For me, it happened when I was 12 going on 13, but I know so many people have had simple to crazy experiences that made them become more aware of the reality we as spiritual beings are living in physically? So for anyone who sees this, when did your spiritual awakening take place?

Do you think black magick books should be able to be sold on places like Amazon? Should people be able to describe rituals in order to hurt people? Obviously if you don’t believe you wouldn’t care but if you’re on the other side isn’t it dangerous.