I don’t remove the shell from my pumpkin seeds because I like the saltiness of them

I was baptized Roman Catholic but wasn't really a practicing Catholic. I was also baptized Protestant. I know Catholic prayers and the rosary, consider it my 'faith' language, how I communicate with God, but I really am just a Christian of 'The Church,' the collective church of Jesus.

Anyway, a month ago or so, I did attend a Catholic mass, and I've sorta had the gist of how it goes. It wasn't my first time. Just sit, listen to what the speaker is saying, kneel when people kneel, get up when people get up, get in line, say Amen, eat the bread, pray earnestly, return to seat, get in line for leaving.

But this time around, I was a little panicky. I was attending with friends and quite well-dressed for the occasion, suit and turtleneck. I was afraid something was gonna go wrong and it sorta did.

I held out two palms put side by side as if to accept a bowl or something. My friend ahead of me in the line finished and so there I was standing with both hands before the deacon and he said "the body of Christ." I said "Amen" with a little bow and waited for him to place the bread.

But he did not.

I looked up at him and he was looking down at me, up to my face and once more to my hands. So I looked up at his face and down to the bread and bowed again and said "Amen." He then lowered his hands, the bread away from me. I lowered my hands and looked around like an idiot and raised my eyebrows at him with a little wiggle of my head in question with my mouth agape. He pointed at one of my hands with his index finger, forgot which and so I raised that one up and that's when he put it in my hand. I received and returned to my seat and prayed while trying not to die of cringe as my friends one by one came back to sit by me.

It's funny cause I'm recognized as the most religious guy in our friend group in terms of prayer, Bible literacy, and overall spirituality, but I'm also the least cultured in actual Church tradition. So they were like "Bro, wtf was that?"

He thinks it’s hilarious tho😂

Update on the funeral saga here.

Picking up right where we left off: I’m at this funeral-turned-investigation, and Ms. Geetanjali (the self-proclaimed aura specialist who says just one of her consultations costs lakhs) is rambling about sensing a "dark energy" around my aunty during that Maldives trip.

Well, that made me snicker which made her notice my existence and she called me over and grabbed my hands, mumbling about reading my aura. I couldn't help myself—I told her, “If your consults are so expensive, maybe you shouldn’t be giving me a free aura reading. Maybe go earn that expensive money you talked about first?” Her son (whom I’d chatted with earlier and got to know that the woman was broke-ass) looked thrilled to hear me.

But Ms. Aura Specialist wasn't ready to back down from her embarrassment. She shouted out at my uncle that his wife was possessed, proceeds to say that she had proof and pulls out a creepy-ass video from the trip: my aunty standing stiff, twitching, cackling, and foaming at the mouth in her hotel room. I kid you not, it was horrifying. Repulsive. Uncle looked like he was going to pass out.

And then comes the plot twist of all plot twists.

Uncle just sighs and goes, “How did you see that? She was just on drugs.”

EXCUSE ME, WHAT?????

Turns out, aunty had been on meds for postpartum depression and became completely dependent on them. When the doctors cut her off, she went off the rails. Uncle forged prescriptions for years until he got caught and spent a year in jail.

During that time, aunty had to raise the twins alone without her meds, which made her even more unstable. When uncle got out, he was so horrified by how she was treating the boys that he tried to divorce her. But aunty, being rich as hell, had access to better lawyers and won the case.

And then came her first attempt.

And the continuation? Oh, it gets even wilder.

So I’m at a funeral right now, and honestly? Having a surprisingly good time. I know—what kind of psychopath enjoys a funeral? But hear me out. This isn’t just any funeral; it’s chaotic, messy, and filled with plot twists that would make Netflix jealous.

The deceased is my uncle’s wife, who (brace yourselves) attempted suicide years ago but was stopped by her husband and their twin sons. Fast forward to now, and well—she succeeded this time. What’s really weird is that no one here seems all that sad. Her husband? Chill. Her kids? Vibing. The mourners? More focused on samosas than sorrow.

Naturally, being the bored weirdo I am, I turned this into a detective mission because why not? And just so you know, the gossip here is wild.

First off, let’s rewind: my aunt was once a sweet, perfect wife and mother. But a few months before her first suicide attempt, she went on this mysterious trip to the Maldives for a "friend reunion." Seems innocent, right? WRONG. Apparently, she didn’t even have friends. At least not the ones she claimed to be meeting.

Why lie? And why did my uncle just let her go without questioning it? Oh yeah, because he was cheating on her. And get this—his twin sons thought the mistress was their aunt. Yep, the level of brain cells in this family is truly astonishing.

Anyway, aunt comes back early from the Maldives (drumroll, please) and walks straight into the scene. Uncle and his “sister” (lol) were going at it upstairs. The twins, being 16-year-old doofuses, told her their dad was in the bedroom talking about "conflicted property." Aunt goes upstairs, sees the inevitable, and starts screaming.

One of the twins, Arjun, ran up to check on her and found uncle standing there with his schlong just hanging out, casually shutting the door on her face. The visual alone deserves therapy.

Uncle eventually comes downstairs to apologize, and Arjun's words, “I didn’t think any woman on earth would be dumb enough to accept that half-assed apology.” But aunt did, probably because Akshay, the other twin, told her he heard dad breaking things off with the mistress. How that justifies anything, I have no idea.

But here’s where things get really weird. After that incident, aunty became a total recluse. The neighbour gossip queen swore she never saw her outside—not even to broom the courtyard or water the plants. Yet somehow, all the chores got done.

Fast forward to the funeral: I overhear this aunty named Vineetha talking loudly with my uncle about that Maldives trip. Apparently, aunt had been super weird during the whole trip, barely speaking to anyone. Uncle casually mentioned that she never even talked about those "friends" again, which was odd considering how much she hyped up the reunion beforehand.

Then enters Ms. Geetanjali, a posh woman claiming to be an aura specialist, also a friend of my aunt.

And that's when things took a turn I did not see coming.

It was pretty good imo. My town just got a Taco Bell recently and I wanted some food so I just DoorDashed it to my place. It was a steak quesadilla with guacamole, and I dipped it daisy sour cream myself bc I had some. It was really good.

For work , probably not great but will I get caught? Doubtful

My wife can spend all day in the yard, raking, planting flowers, and weeding the planters around the pirate ship. We live in a 900 sq foot house so the yard isn't that big. She took a job that requires she work 60 hours a week and be on call for conferences 24/7. With that kind of workload she has little time. So with a yard waste container in tow I've been out here weeding and deadheading flowers. I even dug up one of the planters to replace the gopher wire and replant that bed. I've tended to strawberries, wildflowers, pulling out nightshades that were taking over. I've shoveled weeds out of the gravel driveway, trimmed the bulbs that will need to be thinned out soon, and raked barrels of magnolia leaves this past fall. Amy loves the yard and it makes her so happy. I love to see her smile. I've come to enjoy working in the yard. It feels like a sheepish confession.

I haven't told anyone else about this but honestly had to share it with someone. About 3 weeks ago, me, my wife and two sons took some things that had been piling up to the rubbish tip. My sons loved the place and it was a good day in general. When we were there, my oldest pointed out a wardrobe and commented on whether we could leave the youngest behind in it! It was very funny but it got me thinking.

I love my family but things have been quite stressful lately just with preparing for Christmas and some other personal events. I haven't really had a proper day for 'me time' in a while. Each Saturday and Sunday that come around, it's always take the kids here, sort this out in the house etc. I just needed a day of zero responsibilities.

I told my wife I was going fishing with my mate who we'll call Jack. What I was really doing was going back to the tip. I brought lots of snacks with me, pillows, a blanket, and downloaded all of the Matrix films onto an iPad. To my delight, the wardrobe was still there, and it looked completely untouched. I fit right inside and spent about 12 hours in there.

The wife and kids have absolutely no idea. I almost burst out laughing when she asked me whether I caught any fish but she still has no idea. This was last Saturday, and predictably the the kids are now asking me to drive them to football. I think next weekend I'll make another trip. I realise if I told anyone this in my personal life they'd think I was insane but it was a great stress reliever for me and I think I will start trying to fit it into my schedule if possible.

First thing you should know is I generally can't take opioids because they pretty much always make me puke.

So several years ago (very pre-covid) I had a terrible respiratory thing going on. Could barely breathe, coughing constantly. I went to urgent care, got a breathing treatment and a prescription for a cough syrup with hydrocodone in it. The Dr said, "When you get this filled go straight home. Do not tell anyone you're filling this prescription." I was so confused until he explained to me that I could get robbed as I walk out the pharmacy or my car could get broken into if I left the bag on the seat. Oh.

I told him I probably wouldn't fill it bc those meds make me so sick. He told me to try it if the coughing was bad enough and that I probably wouldn't have a problem with the cough syrup. Ok. Fine. I got it filled. I took a dose. Almost instantly I understood how people get addicted. I told my husband I could never, ever take this again and stuck it in the back of the medicine cabinet where I forgot about it. Eventually. Spent a couple days thinking, "I could have one more dose" before I truly forgot about it. This shit is no joke.

Two years later I noticed the occasional ant on the wall between the windowsill and cabinet (about 2" wide). I kill the occasional ant and move on. Slowly I notice I'm killing more ants. WTF? So I start trying to figure out either where they're coming from or what they're going to. I don't kill the next couple. I watch. They disappeared under the cabinet. I opened the cabinet wondering wtf they were after bc it was literally just meds and supplements, no food.

I finally pull everything out and see it. The bottle of cough syrup just CROWDED with ants. I mean standing on top of each other to get to whatever they could. Which was plenty, it turned out. I ran some water in a glass and dunked the lid. Nothing happened. The high was too good. They just kept at it. A few floated to the top but I assume it's bc they were too stoned to hang on.

I ended up tossing the bottle, ants and all, because they would not get off that bottle. Ant sized monkeys on all their backs.

So to ask the question I need to tell the story first, I (f 21) have a crush on my classmate (m 22), during a campus event, where we could send each other anonymous letters I sent him a letter saying I love the way he carries himself and i gave him a band to wear if he wanted to know who I am, the next day in class he didnt wear it, I wrote one more letter telling him I was sad but not surprised about it , but if he still wanted to know me he could wear the band the next morning or leave it in the class, he didnt do either, after a couple of days the event ended, while him and me were walking we ran into one of our common frnds and coincidentally our frnd asked about the same event, and if we got any letters , my crush replied by saying he got three letters from the same person, i was shocked because i only sent him 2 letters how could the 3rd one be from me, he told about the letters the two letters were same but the third one said if you still want to know about me wear a blue shirt, i never wrote that letter, only 2 people other than me know about my crush and the whole situation, they are my friends and they helped me with posting the 2 letters, i am doubting if one of them sent the letter or was he making up the third letter, or is it someone else??...when he told about the third letter it felt very real and he did not seem to doubt me at all....what do you guys think about it and also is there any chance he would like me back?

When I was 19, the love of my life (cringe) broke up with me after 3 years of relationship. I felt like I was free falling in my heart, it hurt like a thousand papercuts in a vinegar rain. I spent weeks inside my room just laying on my bed. My friends came over and took my sobbing ass out of the house and we went down the local carnival. We drank a few too many beers. We stumbled upon one guy who you could pay so you can use his paintball to shoot targets. I payed for 3 guns x 20 shots. A stupid idea hit me that instead of the target, I will stand in front of them, I'm gonna get my pants off, and they can shoot my butt. The guy was crazy too, and told me if I do that, he's gonna give us a free round of shots after. So fair enough I stood there, my buddies even called for people who were there on carnival to withness this, like a freakshow. About 30 people saw my butt being gored, and since this was a local carnival, even my uncle and auntie was there plus I knew about 10 people. It hurt like hell, but we were screaming like girls from laughter. My butt looked as it had been harassed by an octopus for weeks, it had blue circles all over it, but after all, I instantly forgot about the pain in my heart. That memory became a core memory of mine I think of it anytime I feel down, and it still makes me smile after a decade.

Edit: luckily my uncle and aunt are very chill and cool people, and they took this experience very positively. It remained a family secret for a few years, anytime they came to visit they just secretly joked with me about it. One day at my mother's birthday we decided to tell everyone. My mother was very disappointed, but except her, everyone thought it was hilarious.

Just the emotion in the music is palpable. It’s heart wrenching. I love it. And I feel SO much better after.

I had netflix I heard everyone talking about it. I could've watched it but I just didn't and still don't really care enough to. I don't have any idea what it's about. I feel like everyone else watched it somehow and I still don't get it

So, I’m in class, half-listening, and honestly just starving. I’d brought this little snack stash chips and my phone for a quick TikTok scroll under the desk. I thought I was being so slick, just sneaking a few bites and laughs.

But of course, the first chip I go for makes the loudest crunch possible, and my TikTok video is still blaring from my screen. My teacher whips around, and there I am, hands mid-chip, screen lighting up my face. She just raises an eyebrow and goes, “Maybe wait ‘til lunch, yeah?” Everyone looked my way, and I could practically feel myself turning into a meme. Safe to say, my stealth snacking days are over!

Called my cat a nerd. Her ears went back immediately and looked sad. Felt really bad after.

Her voice is so beautiful, it makes me cry. That’s all.

I still watch my little pony, teen titans go, miraculous ladybug, pound puppies, amazing world of gumball and other ones. It’s embarrassing to admit to other people but I like to watch them when I’m bored and wanna bed rot especially teen titans go.

Though sometimes I can stink myself out of a room.

Am I the only weirdo who thought hamburger was pork as a kid?

I am 6’4” 260 pounds, and have a large beard. Basically a lumberjack.

I count down the days to PSL day at Starbucks and when the day comes I walk in and order one very excitedly. Sometimes I even jump up and down. When I do this the staff often looks at my funny.

Roblox is often seen as a kid's game but I think it does genuinely have some good games that you can still enjoy if you're a bit older

I'm a white girl in the US and I love love love kdramas and cdramas. An old friend said I was too white and that it was dumb to like, but I don't care.

Yeah it's a silly confession so that's why it's here! I like to bring it up but then that gets you less friends so maybe I should stop doing that. Eh, it's fine. I'm kind of embarrassed about it but it's a fear kind of embarrassment you know?

I’m bad at expressing the proper tone whenever I try to send messages revolving important and/or emotionally charged topics. So I use the app to generate an example message for me, then I slightly change some of the wording.

So in my gym class we were doing different exercises like crunches, squats, stretching etc etc and we have some random music playing in the background aswell, and so we were doing hip thrusts right, a exercise that feels a bit weird doing in front of the whole class lol, and the song that came up right as we were starting them was hey daddy (daddy’s home)..LMAOOO, i said to my friend next to me ‘hey, perfect song for this exercise!’ We burst out laughing and the teacher had to switch the song hahaha😭😭 maybe im childish and this didnt make any sense but idgaf it was funny and im a teen so i dont really care ..No seriously i laughed so hard i didnt need more exercise cuz i felt abs forming LOLL

I'm a horrible writer but who knows? Maybe I'll get there some day. I'm a very artistic person and that's my best quality. I'm wanna study medicine but I know I'll never flourish in that field. That's just for making money. My heart lies in the arts so I hope to be so great that I win a literature award.

Then, I will refuse it and that will be a profound act of anti-worldliness that will serve as fire and publicity for my ideology and my works.

I know it's cringe. Who cares. That's why I'm in silly confessions instead of main confessions.

For a long time I used to call them deer X-ing signs, and every time we would pass one I would ponder what it meant. I never was one to ask a lot of questions out loud so I never asked someone what it meant or even thought to look it up because it was a passing thought. When I was 20, I had an epiphany that it meant deer crossing. I felt stupid and so silly for it lol!

Always.

I could be doing the dishes, sweeping the yard, doing the laundry, and I'd ever so often be mumbling to myself, moving my lips as I internally went on a very lengthy tale of my experiences in high school, or my approach to the opposite sex.

I suppose I also have a series on tailoring and other style guru stuff. Parts of a suit, materials, how to dress up for what purpose. Other times, I'd go on religious discussions, deeper philosophical stuff. I'd picture myself at the top of the world, answering questions about how I came up with the names of my books, what my songs mean, what my message for humanity is, so and so.

It's silly really. As I age I realize more and more how narcissistic I am. So silly. Silly confession. Not being serious. Don't remove me.