Welcome to /r/Schizotypal.

I struggle a lot, as many others do, with constant delusions and sometimes minor Hallucinations, I've written things down like this before when its happenedas a way to deal with it, like if I were to write them on paper I could try and bring myself back into reality. I never really noticed a change the one time I did this. Have any of you ever tried keeping a journal for things like this, and are they helpful or no?

It's literally the hardest process ever for me, and it's mostly all because of a sort of twisted perfectionism. I could spend weeks looking for a name I enjoy only for it to feel "wrong" after just a few days I started using it, for whatever reason. Does this or anything similar happen to anyone else? It's basically a compulsion at this point. I must have changed atleast 2-3 accounts every month on average, for around two years. It wouldn't be too out there to say I changed 40+ aliases overtime. I cannot even lament about them being "low-quality" for the most part; if anything, I feel bad for those who will come up with them later and will find out they have already been "occupied". Anyway, I am going through this trouble right now. Hopefully, it will all all done soon, and once and for all (it never does, but alas, one can dream).

I get compared to a golden retriever mixed with John Nash from a beautiful mind. That's what a lot of people say. Well technically they say "golden retriever boy".

Hi there! Trying to learn more about StPD as I have doubts about me having it (I'll see a therapist soon to talk about it). I just had a question that came through my mind. Do you guys have any type of particular connection to your dreams? Is it just "normal" dreams or do you feel like your StPD has an active role on how you dream? Do you feel like your dreams are more "realistic" than real life and that it was the "place you were meant to be in", and that in the real life there are things or creaturea constantly trying to make you go back "there"? Or maybe you experience something totally different, in this case please feel free to share your experience!

Does anyone want to run a campaign where players play as hallucinations following a main character. I posted a post the other day about a DND campaign I'm having this summer but my DM might not be able to run this campaign so if anyone DMs and is under 30 please reach out!

does it affect how you socialize with animals too? I can't go near pets or relatives or anybody when im in an "episode" and its difficult to socialize to the point of feeling disgust for everyone even pets.

I’m in the process of packing my stuff and I’m getting hit with a wave of emotions. From anything that reminds me of past events I want to get over but can’t from my parents divorcing, stepdad’s abuse towards me and the family dog, my worst breakup from my last ex, to the constant guilt for feeling “selfish” that I’m tired of being around my family because I want to live in my own for once. It’s the reason I am packing up in the first place since I saved enough to pay rent for a roommate I’m moving to in the next two weeks. Throughout this this time, my mom has not spoken to me since our last fallout, even when we are within a few feet apart from each other and it’s really getting to me.

With my OCD and STPD, the ways i cope all the absurdities of this world from that I find from topics such as love, sexuality, politics, religion, and this very “reality” I’m in or just anything that makes me pissed at this world, it’s rather a bizarre process. Whenever I get stuck up on particular topics I obsess over, I just have a “theory frenzy” phase of theorizing my own existence just to give me comfort of everything that confuses me. However, I’m aware it would cost me to stray further from “reality” to where I stop trusting people or any information I come across.

Ultimately, I feel like I don’t belong in this world because of some of the beliefs I hold onto and doubt I’ll ever let go because this life is making less and less sense to me as time goes by. Storytelling inspires me to express these bizarre thoughts I have every single day and I’m afraid this is the only thing I found that gives me “purpose”, otherwise I don’t see anything worth living for with the insanity of this world.

I was diagnosed with schizotypal close to a year ago now, and up until about 2 years is when my symptoms really started to show and take effect. i used to be a lot more social, and had a lot of friends , but ever since then i’ve become more avoidant to social interaction, ghosting people close to me constantly, and just overall isolating. it’s been really hard recently, with moving states away from my family and being in a really bad depressive episode, and i wanna try and put myself out into the world and start socializing again like i used to. everytime i have the opportunity to make plans i just… don’t, and i pull away. I don’t wanna end up lonely, and i wanna stop hurting the people around me. does it get better??? will i learn how to be my old self again??? i feel like im watching myself fade away

I looked at this, and much fit. I was assessed at concerns of my mother when I was close to four I believe. I got more or less typical, but they pushed for a diagnosis, and got Asperger at around six. Looking at MDI it seems to fit much better. I was very imaginative as a kid and could read people pretty decently. I have gotten a lot of conflicting diagnoses in the past. I definitely gravitated more toward magical thinking and religion as a kid than now. Well, I still like religion but am more agnostic and not superstitious anymore.

Also had fine motor difficulty and trouble with number sense/ memorizing math. Counter on my fingers through middle school. Then the facts started to sink in more. Had visual spacial difficulties which I think is Irlen Syndrome. Had tics including coporolalia including of religious nature, and copropraxia. A lot of sensory issues. Maybe some tic like compulsions. Was diagnosed with ADHD PI, as a teen. I believe this was largely due to having to suppress a lot of this. When I don't suppress tics a lot of the time I can focus much easier. On the MMPI I when I didn't suppress I was able to take the whole test through, and said “focused and motivated”, but noted I displayed tics. I always had a lot of fears, and SI from about 3. Multiple attempts as an adult ended in intensive care when I was found.

I have symptoms of PTSD and have been diagnosed before. The MMPI noted significant PTSD symptoms like reexperiencing.

I don't experience magical thinking now I don't think, but am an abstract thinker and enjoy religious concepts, and some philosophy/ spiritual teachings. Mostly a lot of fear/ suspiciousness come up high on PPD almost 100%. I did test slightly higher on my abstract verbal reasoning, but significantly higher on some other test related to abstract reasoning problem solving, and information processing as a teen. I only tested high average abstract verbal, and average verbal. The abstract and others were a bit above average. Other than that my scores were mostly average, low average, and some below.

I have heard we tend to have different neurodevelopmental problems, and I think we may have a tendency to test higher in abstract reasoning type stuff than our overall abilities. Maybe somewhat 2E. Does anyone else fit multidimensional Inventory or other developmental symptoms or 2E/ uneven profiles.

I'm curious if I'm experiencing a STPD symptom, or is it just me.

I have multiple hobby projects. Each requires enough attention that I can't, but would really love, to allot enough time to each during the day to be "fair" to my hobbies.

Currently though, I've been obsessively working on only one. The guilt increases, but I can't help but work on the one. I'd even say it's getting worse. I'm dropping hobbies to accommodate.

I feel like I'm going to simply stop everything.

Anyway. Started sharing when i only wanted to ask if anyone else deals with this sort of thing, or related.

Have a day!

Im going to be having a DND campaign in a little less than two months, maybe even sooner, that's going to last throughout the summer and end by the end of the summer where players play as hallucinations following a main character. The DM has a psychotic disorder, and I want all the party members to be people with some kind of psychotic disorder as well. So if anyone here is a player in search of a group, comment on this or DM me for more info!

Hello everyone, I hope you are doing fine!

I know many of us are naturally inclined toward religion and certain branches of philosophy, also because our tendency to not automatically fit in society breeds discontempt and resignment within ourselves, which is usually associated with high religiosity in less developed countries.

I think the stereotype of the negatively impacted by religion and beliefs schizotypal is very much present in popular media, but what about the positive experiences you feel to have obtained thanks to it? How do they help you cope with the perceived unfairness of the world? How did they change your life? Now, the term "coping" seems to bring a few derogatory connotations to me, so maybe it's not the right word. I don't want to diminuish anyone's belief, despite being atheist myself. If anything, I want to celebrate them for once! I know how emotionally difficult our lives and search for meaning can be, and I am simply curious about how you feel yours has been bettered thanks to you specific beliefs. Do you feel happier, or maybe more accomplished? I certainly hope so! And if you don't yet, I hope you will find something that will manage to make you happy and fulfilled! Ultimately, that's all that should matter to us.

TL;DR – Do you have any peculiar and specific beliefs that you make you feel your life is worth living and make you happy and human?

hello, I am a 45 year old man who has always worked and who was very sociable and confident. I smoked cannabis for 25 years with no problems. 18 months ago I smoked a joint and had a bad trip. in my bad trip I started to tell myself that I was deteriorating it for a year or 2 (extreme fatigue) slower thinking, lack of motivation etc. after this bad trip, I started to have a big depression with a lot of anxiety in situations at work where I didn't have any. I also started to ask myself lots of questions such as "what am I doing here? " “what is the meaning of my work” “what is the meaning of life?” and an existential malaise invaded me. I was so hurt that I attempted suicide. the doctors put me on an antidepressant but I had lots of side effects and I stopped. 3 months later all hell broke loose and it all started again. I suffered a lot of stress again following a big problem with a house that I rented and I became more and more silent, unmotivated, without a goal in life, suicidal, bad about myself with the people who around me and especially with work colleagues, difficulty concentrating, remembering etc. I am followed by a psychiatrist and a psychologist. I told them my concern about having developed simple type schisophrenia or a schisotypic disorder but they did not agree. I saw 2 other psychiatrists who said it was depression. but I have the impression that they do not understand the extent of the problem. I'm not the same as before and I feel like it's getting worse. I ruminate all the time and I always ask myself a thousand questions about everything and the future. my performance is decreasing except in sports. I do not know what to think anymore

I (mid20s f) change my mind all the time. I will be head over heels in love with my girlfriend for days or even weeks and then something will happen that makes me doubt our relationship, and I start going on circles regarding whether it's fair to "lead her on" when I have doubts, and I feel like I will be dishonest if I don't tell her asap. I will then breakup and break both of our hearts and the weight will be lifted off of my shoulders and I'm back to being head over heels in love and the issue that made me doubt our relationship and made me 1000% sure that our relationship wasn't meant to be is nothing to me. This has happened 3 times within our 6 month relationship. I am medicated and see a therapist but it's only recently I've realized what this issue is. Does anyone have any experience with this or some suggestions for my situation? I don't want to break her heart anymore and I care so much about her, even when I'm obsessed with the issues in our relationship

Do you think those symptoms are common in people with StPD?

sorry if not great having one of these moments again and autocorrect is saving me. anyone else have moments where in the middle of thoughts they just drop out of existence and their brain gets fuzzy and full thoughts won't go through? like trying to push together magnets on the wrong sides and feeling super hazy. this took forever to write, wow.

Would having multiple personality disorders be different than having only schizotypal? I got a diagnosis of schizoid which doesn't entirely fit me because of paranoia and impulsivity. But a combo of schizoid pd & paraniod pd & borderline pd would. But doesn't schizotypal actually equal to having all these?

I have ADHD ,bipolar and some other stuff. And even when I'm talking with neurodivergents I feel like I only talk crap and that people don't want to be friends with me.

It's probably because of this disorder but ....it still sucks and incant shake it off.

And how? Do you think it's common for people with StPD to experience mild paranoia from time to time?

If so, how does it manifest to you?

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Even if autocorrect fixes it

Hi, me and my psychologist are currently in the process of finding out whether I might be schizotypal. One of the things that I have been curious about though, is if extreme mood swings are normal. I only experience them when I am by myself. When I’m in public or around others, my face and emotions stay relatively neutral, but at home i can be a mess.

you cant fix fubar so i gotta do all the stuff to get the busted car started, ease it arounds the bends. Never drive it in the rain or the winter. Maybe even get help with a running start sometimes on the side of the road.

is it impossible? to be a customer service worker.

i feel like i am so detached from other emotions that i am doing things wrong. i was told today that people were coming up to me exhibiting a certain negative emotion. i didn't see any of that emotion. ever. not one time. do i simply not understand how a human emotion is supposed to look on someone's face? maybe that's the case. i feel like a newborn calf who has never learned to walk, being expected to outrun a predator.

i think i will give up on customer service. does anyone know of a quiet job without much movement or speaking?

I can’t stop worrying. I received a diagnosis which is schizotypal after seeking treatment for what seemed to be harm ocd. I’m afraid of becoming a killer or something and I can’t stop panicking. I don’t have a desire to hurt anyone or anything. I’m panicking because that Batman shooter dude was diagnosed as schizotypal and that’s what they blamed his actions on. This scares me so much. I keep reading about him and everything and all it says is that it was the reason he did what he did. I feel so anxious about the fact that I have the same diagnosis and have thoughts of harm. I don’t wanna do anything to anyone but the thought of me being responsible for something like that and going to jail and losing everything is terrifying to me. I am even distressed by the thought of planning out anything. I’m starting to feel emotionally numb from ruminating and going over everything I did wrong in my childhood and fear I’m a literal psychopath. I can’t eat or enjoy life like I used to. I’ve been in a constant state of worry for almost a month because I’m these thoughts suddenly started happening.

Curious, as I know everyone is different. I have read some with this condition has flat affect and don’t show much interest in others and if they do it is in unconventional ways. Interests me.

I myself, show it the “standard human” way:

I’m affectionate, grossly affectionate and giddy like a child. Playful and a touch of annoying with my mate. Become a comedian.

Family it is similar, I will hug the ones who I like and touch them as I feel comfortable. Will also make them laugh.

I’ve often heard that people with stpd are close to their core famille members (parents or siblings) but I’ve never related to this. My family is composed of my two parents and my two little sisters who are twins and very close with each other. I always felt very detached or purposely (or not) set apart like I wasn’t a part of the family. My mom always told me I have a great potential but never used it and that she’s really concerned about my future. My dad don’t care about me, the only things that actually matters for him are my mom and their farm. They always reproach me to be too much silent and keep too much secrets and be too much weird and give « IDGAF » attitude every time since childhood. They reproached me to be autistic, to be a boy (???), to be bisexual, to be shy. Also they wanted me to make friends but when I met my high school friends group they didn’t want me to hang out with them even if they were the reason I could make it out without kms. They reproached me to show no emotions then showing too much (I was faking so that they could think I’m « normal »). Also they always told me to grow up and that I should found a family but aren’t happy when I date a woman or a man. It’s like I’m never enough and I don’t understand what they expect from me. First time I tried to kms I was in emergency half-dead from overdose in an absolute blurred bad-trip and my mom was complaining to me about how unhappy she was because of me and that it must’ve been her at my place on the bed with perfusion and respiratory assistance. My mom threatened me to kill herself. One day we were both in her car and she started to go faster and faster on the road telling me it would be better if we died right now bc it was the « only solution » and I was asking her to slow down until she finally did. We never talked about it. I’m set apart even in family portraits or selfies. Most of the time I’m just not there. If I am, it’s always in the background or at the edge of the picture and it’s like I’m always in the dark but idk if it’s bc of my clothes or something else. I was close enough with one of my sisters to talk about my bf I had in high school but nothing else. She judge me about everything without I ever knew why. It’s like the fact I like something is enough for disgusting her about it. In a certain way I understand her ´cause I was a really bad big brother. I started to smoke and do drugs at a very young age. I was always outside doing some mysterious side quest ahah. At a family therapy she had to draw a family portrait and my parents and my 2 sisters were close together. For my part I was on the extreme side of the draw. I wonder if things could have been different if I had been treated well ? Or maybe it was my fault for not being enough. The best example of my relation with family is Rick Sanchez and the Smith’s in Rick&Morty.

Hello. I have recently been diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder along with ocd tendencies (harm ocd). All of my symptoms started suddenly about 5 weeks ago. I’ve been doing a lot of ruminating and thinking and have began to wonder if I showed signs of ocd in the past (childhood and in recent years). When I was a child I had separation issues when it came to being away from my parents. I wouldn’t even want to stay with other family members because I missed my parents. I went through a sort of phase that lasted until early middle school about something happening to my parents and them dying or for some reason being adopted by another family or another family member. It was very odd and this always upset me. I would think about it in school and wanna cry. I also remember seeing a scene in a movie where someone lost their parents in an accident and this really upset me and made me think of this being my parents. This phase or whatever faded as I got older

Let’s fast forward and switch topics now. This is a completely different set of worries. It was about 2 years ago and I was about a year and a half into my current relationship. As usual me and my partner were very intimate. It was on our anniversary and we decided that we’d have intercourse. When we had intercourse our contraceptive (condom) broke. This caused me to panic. I feared that maybe there was precum that had escaped and I was also around my ovulation date as well. I tried to brush off the fear but couldn’t. A few days later I was so paranoid that o went and got a the birth control implant that goes on the arm. I felt pretty confident but still had the fear in the back of my mind. Two weeks later I decided to take a pregnancy test which showed up negative then had an evaporation line which caused me to freak out. I took so many pregnancy tests and even scheduled a blood test asap and kept asking my Dr if she thought I was pregnant and she said no and the blood test came back negative. This gave me some reassurance temporarily but I was even doubting the blood test after a few weeks had past even when I had my period. I would constantly google any symptoms I had related to pregnancy and would automatically assume that’s what it meant. It got so bad that i was looking for any way to get a pregnancy test or professional opinion so after a while I decided to go get an iud because this required testing to confirm I wasn’t pregnant. The process was really painful of course and I did it all to have reassurance I wasn’t pregnant and wasn’t going to get pregnant. Even after the iud I still freaked out about it and was extremely paranoid. During this time I was avoidant of anything that had to do with pregnancy like tv shows and movies. Eventually the fear died down somehow. I still am intimate with my partner but continue to have these strict checking habits with condoms and insist that they are inspected thoroughly for breaks and stuff. I also am paranoid about him somehow transferring semen or precum and it getting me pregnant.

These are some of the things I wonder could have hinted that I had ocd tendencies in the past but I’m not actually sure.

Throughout my teens and early 20s I used to look at other people like gods. Especially those who went to college or university and were living their lives, to me these people seemed like they must be higher life forms and I used to categorize them as Buddhist entities/life forms and use the that to justify why some would enter and leave my life like for example the only consistent psch doc I had who was a super attractive young doctor person and was the first person to help me understand I was actually mentally ill

It's wild though because even she still had a victim complex about men, the disparity between people and what we feel is abuse or our own life experience is really hard to understand.

To me, and I know this because I get enough feedback to know , most people who experience me or get insight in to my world get chills or sometimes break out crying because of what it's like there. Idk how to explain it because I don't see it clearly.

Yet still people complain and complain. I can't complain because there has never been any response, though now that I have utility people will pretend to care, it's way too late for me to understand or receive that information anyway.

I remember though looking at people like they were gods and higher life forms. It's hard to understand correctly the depth of fear and constant terror I felt along with that. I did some bad things in my late teens I really regret that I can't take back under the psychotic belief that I was serving these dieties and it was for a purpose but there was just this torrent of pain and hatred and fear I was and still am totally mind blind to.

Writing this I don't know how or why I've made it this far. It's weird to me. I guess it's just genetic also that I have something that keeps me going. I don't want to be a monster obviously so I don't drink or do drugs or anything that could cause me to make bad decisions. I have to keep a really tight schedule to make sure I'm in place because if I get too out of line I start acting without understanding the consequences of what I'm doing.

Like I mentioned before, my inner life experience is so somehow foreign to others that it traumatizes them to hear things so I am always incredibly anxious about what to say or not say. Worse than that I want people to know that I like them or I'm not a threat because I do, so I'm always caught in that dilemma of wanting to avoid contaminating others or not.

I have BPD and StPD so my experience is probably pretty different than most but I think it's common comorbid. Idk. I have stable dissociation. Lol.

I’m diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder and sought treatment because I’ve been having symptoms of harm ocd. I do not wanna hurt anyone and have a serious fear of being some kind of serial killer. I just read an article about the Batman shooter in Colorado and I’m flipping out mentally because he was diagnosed with schizotypal disorder and had bad thoughts about hurting people prior and now I’m panicking I’m like him. I have absolutely no desire to do anything to anyone. I keep comparing myself to these people and it’s freaking me out. I have started to check all of my emotions and reactions to things over and over and have started to become numb to them and even the thoughts. I get a kick of adrenaline when I get an intrusive thought and go into reassurance seeking. Is this a normal reaction and does this mean I’m like him or something? Please help me.