Welcome to /r/Schizotypal.

Since I was young, I’ve had excessive sweating on my feet and hands. If I am stress free and by myself, I don’t sweat at all. However, if I am even a little stressed or in any social situation, I start dripping. Has anyone else on here experienced something similar?

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ive been able to be open about my sense that i am transparent to and amorphous with the world around me. researching ipseity disturbance and schizotypy has been extremely helpful, but ive also allowed myself to word salad until the cows come home in my sessions which is, all on its own, an honesty about the truth of myself.

my therapist recommended i ask my psychiatrist about antipsychotics, which i will. any pill can be stopped at any time if i don't like it. it feels good to have found a way to let the mask down at least in psychiatric care. it is wildly fortunate that i am safe to do this, that my providers are giving me this space, that im in a place where healthcare is ok and free for the poor. i count my blessings today. sometimes it's good to be seen.

Idk what’s going on. But I am noticing a pattern. Every time I feel myself falling deep into depression, but not deep enough to actually jump or smth, all attempts of getting help gets shut down. Whether that’s professionals barely acknowledging me, convos with family/friends getting shut down (by whatever way), my phone/website/app malfunctioning. It isolates me completely

And then I hit a point, usually late at night when I’m trying to sleep, where I completely break down, crying my guts out. I start planning how I am going to do it, my note, when, how my funeral would be. I make my mind. I will kill myself.

And then the next day, the one thing I’ve been wishing for forever suddenly happens. What? I find out the guy I’ve been obsessed with for 5 years likes me back, I get A on a school project I just half assed on, I finally get called in for not one but THREE interviews (in the span of 2 days) after no answer for months, and then I get one of them!

I am so confused? It gets so bad I finally make my mind on killing myself and nothing seems worth it anymore, and then something worth it comes the day after, but I am still sad so it doesn’t keep me happy for long, and then a couple of days later I’m back at square one, and then the next day another good thing happens!

This has been happening this entire October. It’s always the day after I break down. And if I try to get help it gets shut down. I feel like I’m stuck in this rollercoaster and I can’t do anything about it. The universe literally wants me to kill myself but toys with me like a carrot on a stick to keep me going just.. a little.. longer..

What is this??

I sent this to my mother but she wont see it fpr some days, thought you guys might relate a little? :

I figured something out. Plants are a reflection of me. The plants I own, and the state they are in reflects How I truly am, deep down. They are the one thing I cant «cover up». If the house is a mess, I haven’t taken care of myself, am sad, and havent studied for school, I can put a fascade for all of that when it comes to the outside world. A couple of hours of cleaning, showering, smiling or reading, and nobody would know that behind that is weeks or months of chaos. But plants require consistent care, one of the biggest things I lack, consistency. And so even tho I can pretend that everything is fine for everyone else in the world, unknowingly I am pulling the plants down with me, and they can’t pretend. Thats Why I can’t take care of plants. Most of them are dead at this point.

I am too aware of reality to leave it completely outside the door and I am at the same time not equipped to deal with things that are real.

I know you "need" social interactions to make it in life one way or the other. I know socializing is key in understanding new situations and not fall victim to people who might want to use you.

I find it a little bit bothersome how the requests are never ending though.

People are never satisfied with what anybody else does. They need more reassurance, more interactions, more and more to feel that you are "there" and it becomes exhausting.

Sometimes I wish I could just leave everything as it is for a few more days, a few more hours alone but it is not possible. I always have the sinking sensation that everybody wants a piece of me, and I can't give these pieces away because they're simply not there, I'm not a jigzaw puzzle to fulfill other's lives.

Does anyone relate?

Trying to get some answers. Does anyone here have these almost daily? And what are they like for you? I’m so annoyed and irritated by it all. I’m starting to get really depressed and am having bad long panic attacks and everything is pi****g me off but I don’t show it outwardly, I just feel like I could explode/implode any second. I want to scream and claw at everything

Edit: also I’m not diagnosed, I’m trying to figure out if I have this cause even my therapist seems confused. I’ve always had these symptoms on and off throughout my life and for some reason believed everyone experienced this. I believe I’m having several psychotic symptoms and lots of mood swings. I’m so exhausted and I need help before I completely lose any reason

I am a point in my life at 21 where I wish I grew up and had a proper childhood and maybe actually made some friends in school I would love to relive the year 2020 not going to lie although for me I feel things went down hill after 2019. Like I remember using an app called amino back in 2018 and I honestly loved the app and using it although I joined it when it was going down hill. However I remember thier being that time in my life I could actually talk to people my age chat and being able to friend them. And since we where kids we didn't work so somtimes we chat all day and it make the conservations more meaningful. Now all these online friends expect for one I met on amino are all gone now and it's was sad to see friends leave one by one and then it got to a point you have no one left and as a person with stpd i struggle making friends and always choose to make online friends instead. However I often found this Covent to talk to people I noticed that eventually the teens I meet on thier would grow up and move on with thier lives and so it's just a bit sad to see them grow into a adults which I saw two of my online friends and then all of a sudden they don't wanna or can't talk to you anymore. I mean I see myself as a minimalist when it comes to friends I only friend people when they intrest me and I think they make a good friend but reject or avoid talking to anyone I don't want in my friend circle.

For that reason I think to myself gosh I wish I could relive the year 2018 again when I met this people and get relive the memory of meeting them and actually getting to talk to them all day.

I am trying to use more apps ofc but I kinda move to apps of where you could meet local people and I find it hard to find local friends through these apps anyhow. However I did notice doing it as an adult is way harder then when I was a teen adults are more picky when it comes to friends. Not to mejton they won't have as much time and they might not care as much.

So for my phycosis is more of trying to accept the reality of growing up.

I genuinely think this is what’s been going on but I feel like you can’t be aware that your hallucination may be a hallucination in the moment

I have never, at any point in my life, had a headache of any sort. At times I will experience ocular migraines, but those are entirely painless and solely consist of having jagged lines appear in my vision until it stops. The only pain that occurs inside my head is emotional.

What I wonder is if this is part of being schizotypal, or just some quirk that I happen to have.

Ive had this thought MANY times in my life. Just someone who listens, and have something to say.

Sometimes I think if make me an appointment to a psychologist, but not... dont wanna be inside a room, I want to be outside, and drinking a beer.

Even thought to pay a call girl, but I think they would take my propose as weird, also its not with the kind of person I want to be.

If would be a service to just pick a person and go out to a park and have a beer, Ill pay for that.

TW! Ive posted here before about How i felt so seen in this diagnosis. And then i doubted everything and felt i was faking it, completely distancing myself from it. Then I saw some people post about feeling the same and am now slowly coming back to it.

So, i have a session in november, I thought it would be a general psychiatric check up as that was what I asked for, however my doc has put it up as bipolar check up basically. (I had mentioned a previous therapist bringing it up to me, but specified that I just want to figure out whats wrong with me, hence the «general» psychiatric check up. But whatever ig)

Now the problem is I live in Norway. Known for its pretty shitty mental health system (sorry). I was rapidly getting worse and told my doc that I needed the check up to be earlier as I wasnt sure I could Wait that long, he didnt ask any questions, just stared at me, asked me if I had bought a weapon to kill myself with yet. I said no. He said I was not depressed nor bipolar (mind you this was his second time meeting me for a grand total of maybe 10 mins). Had he just asked he would have known that I was starving, cutting myself and getting blackout drunk multiple times a week. That comment obviously left me HUGELY suicidal after.

So my point/question is. I am most likely not going to get the opportunity to meet with a mental health proffessional again without spending a lot of money, and am wondering if I should bring up stpd at all? Will they just think that I am acting sick or faking it or wanting attention or something? Can I even bring it up if the main focus is if I am bipolar? I think both diagnoses are pretty realistic to me, and if i do have them, they hugely impact me and are ruining my life.

I dont really know what to do:/

For the rules: this is a bit of a vent, just asking for friendly advice. Nothing medical. Not asking for a diagnosis. Personal experiences could be very enlightning tho :)

Is 64 normal for a 15 year old or not?

(vent) I have schyzotipal personality disorder and often I feel like somebody's watching me or is behind me I also always think that I see something next to me, but when I look, there is nothing there. I'm scared of the windows because it seems to me that faces are looking at me from them, I'm really tired of being stressed all the time. About a month ago, I had a fight with my sister and she doesn't talk to me at all, so I often feel alone, that's why I'm very afraid that someone is really next to me. When I'm home alone, which happens often, I'm scared 24/7 and I don't know what to do, I also have weird thoughts that I'm going to do something to someone or that I'm going to do something to myself I'm feeling like I'm going crazy.

I no longer take Cypropheptadine, but I was prescribed it for weight-gain (it did not work), and it had some very interesting effects.

Cypropheptadine, in simple terms, reduces/blocks histamine, serotonin, acetycholine:
this had led to the following:

• sleepiness
• aggression/irritability
• flat affect
• sharp increase suicidal behavior
• low moods

I am wondering if any of you has had the same effect with this medication, or if you had something completely different if you had used this drug before? I was also, perscribed 10mg a day.

This realisation only struck me yesterday when I saw a clip of an AI that had been instructed to reimagine various game levels with realistic visuals/graphics comparable to the actual human eye. One imagining sections from the game Outlast and another of gameplay from COD: MW2 (I'll put them on a comment here if I can find them again).

Obviously, the AI isn't perfect. It doesn't genuinely understand what it's trying to replicate and display. It's all just numbers, movements and colours to it. As a result, it makes a lot of mistakes. Rocks morph into vehicles; people jump into the distance and then seemingly fold up and vanish; people's body proportions seemingly warp and shapeshift unnaturally; colour saturation randomly changes and surges.

And it wasn't until this morning that it clicked to me that I was looking at perceptual aberrations... I was watching scarily accurate depictions of the kind of visual aberrations that people with schizotypal disorder and other transient psychotic disorders experience. The objects momentarily morphing into different things, the proportions shapeshifting unnervingly, the colours fading or popping randomly. It's all a near perfect recreation of the things I experience and I'm sure many others do. These videos encapsulate the grey area in a way that neurotypical human imagination seemingly can't. And, by 'grey area', I mean the weird, nothingness, warping way that things look between states. Remember those images from a few years ago that are incomprehensible? Like, everything looks a little like an actual object, but it's all incomplete and the whole image together is just a blurred, cluttered mess?

That's what the AI captures perfectly. The space in-between one state and another, where the focal object/being is... nothing discernible. It's just a mess of visual stimulu all getting accidentally mixed up and melded together like a picasso.

And then I thought a little more about it and realised that it's not even really just depictions of aberrations - they are aberrations... They're arguably authentic embodiments of visual distortions.

The AI doesn't know that it's just code in a machine. For all it's concerned, it's trying to reproduce human perception. And it doesn't produce human perception as well as the average human, but... neither do we...? We are innately trying to produce proper human perception, and we make mistakes. Our primal brains misunderstand normal human context out of an evolutionary mutation for better threat detection. They don't process stimuli regularly do to neural differences.

The theory that computers - and the development and mechanisms of them - are a microcosm of the human brain, has been around since the Cognitive Movement of the 1970s. Maybe AI will be the fruition of it's conscious perception. An imagining. A ghost in the Dell.

Of course, at the moment it's entirely visual - there's no AI tool for depictions of smells, or sounds.

Historically, the thought has crossed my mind that it's basically impossible to actually show to people what these aberrations look like, but AI is possibly fixing that unintentionally... because it's misunderstanding human infrastructure and improvising all of it's perceptions/shapes imperfectly (just like us...)

The somewhat sad reality is that, as AI quality and accuracy improves, this era will end and those aberration recreations are going to end with it :(

People will engineer a computerised brain more accurate than our own.

So I thought I was the only one but being upon here I see it’s more common for this disorder than not. Or to go through more trauma and them not to listen. Or wrong label and stuck in there ways and won’t listen. Or actual stays in hospitals or mental health schools that went through a controlled or abusive environment. Or saying doctors know best and you’re not listening.

Or you’re going through abuse and blaming u or saying it didn’t happen or it’s not that big of a deal? You don’t have to discuss it but you can if u want to. But I just thought I was alone and maybe it turn out I’m not. Or arguing with someone about your dignosis and they are fighting you saying you don’t know what your talking about I know u best.

Or your parents not believing u or getting abused for not having a mental illness because u possibly couldn’t have because of god or something. Or covincing mental health workers there’s nothing wrong with u and ur the problem

You don't need too

Haven’t been on this sub in a hot minute but I got diagnosed with STPD via my new psychiatrist. they weren’t sure at first if it was prodromal schizophrenia or schizotypal, and she said it may still be the former, but for now I’m dxed STPD. Really relieving to get a diagnosis after struggling with symptoms for over five years. I’m on high dose aripiprazole now, which helps with the psychosis, and I’m hoping through therapy and other meds I can truly make progress with STPD and my other disorders. Peace 🤟

so technically this was diagnosed a bit ago, but I was diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder by my old therapist. I did a bunch of research on it months ago and got prescribed meds that I never took and then I just never scheduled another appointment with any of my doctors or therapists. then I sort of forgot about it until now. not forgot forgot, but like stopped thinking about. this isn’t me looking for you guys to tell me i need to go talk to someone or anything. i’m doing better than ever. I moved to france, my life is decently reserved but still social. I don’t speak french so my conversations with people usually don’t go too deep. I’m really active and I feel a lot healthier generally. Still a bit nuts. such is life. anyways i’ve been so busy and enjoying everything so i never really sat down to think much about any of it and now I don’t have access to any professionals to tell me more about the disorder and whatever. and also, I am lonely. I live so far from anyone I know well and it’s almost impossible for me to get to know people here. So i just wanted to ask about having schizotypal and what all of your experiences with it have been. I want to know if they’re similar to mine and if there are things I’m passing off as normal that aren’t. and i just want to get to know people that are like me.

i feel like for many people love is calculated or at least takes time and effort to develop. but for me love is completely irrational. i fall fast (in about a week after first meeting someone) and hard. i become obsessed and fascinated. i might not know much about this person, but their sole aura is what pulls me in. its not only the looks (although i must admit, i do care for them), but their presence as a whole. i fantasize about us just randomly realizing we're both in love with each other and kissing out of nowhere even though we barely "know each other" by other people's standards. but our souls are intertwined and we can feel it. i dont like the idea of a talking stage. i dont even like the idea of being "established" and giving our relationship a name (like "we're dating" or something). but no, im not poly or open. i just crave that soul-crushing romance.

i also write and rely on art and seeing the world and life artistically. i treat my crushes as my muses. i write down my thoughts about them as poetic sentences and i use those feelings of pure devotion in my writing. they give me inspiration. i idealize them and see them as perfect.

basically i believe in telepathy, soulmates and love at first sight. its hard to find someone who experiences love as irrationally as me.

right now im in love with that one person. theyre dating someone else, and im trying so hard to communicate with them telepathically to make them realize we're made for each other and theyre the one ive been waiting for all my life. i treat them as my muse, like a deity or something. on a "realistic level" im just trying to get closer to them to at least become friends bc i care for them, and ofc i wont actually interfere with their relationship. but i still want to call them mine one day, and im "praying" everyday for them to see me the way i see them.

(nsfw for potential subject matter)

Hi there! I was recently diagnosed with STPD, and was subsequently put on Paliperidone. I kinda hate it so far, but I'm only a few days in. Everyone in my support network is telling me to tough it out, at least until I see my psychiatrist again, but ooooh man do I not want to. The fatigue and anhedonia have flipped me like a bored, tired little omlette.

What about you? What have been your experiences on antipsychotics? (Bonus points for paliperidone!)

EDIT: Thank you to everyone who responded! This has given me a deeper insight into what people on this class of drug deal with, and what I might have to look out for in the future. <3

It seems that I have a bit of confusion when people describe having “Hallucinations”. From my understanding, those with Stpd do not experience full blown psychosis, and if they do, it is very brief and not as intense (or potentially exacerbated by drug use) or transitions into a true Psychotic disorder. I know that some here also have a comorbid psychotic disorder, such as Bipolar 1 or Schizoaffective. My question for this forum is how vivid are your “unusual perceptual experiences”? This can include visual distortions, auditory blips, feeling presences around you, etc.

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A recent study is beginning to put forward the idea that trauma is inherited. Me, analyzing and seeing that for every neurodivergent person I know there is trauma behind it, in regards to the family and not just the person in question, I wonder to what extent "the environment" is responsible for neurodivergence. It is not that a trauma is inherited, but rather the imprint, the emotional pain that generated that trauma.

If so, would it change what is believed about each and every disorder? In the case of ASD and ADHD, it is said that they are increasing due to the environmental toxins to which pregnant women are exposed, it makes sense. Taking into account that there is a greater risk of autism if there are relatives with schizophrenia and vice versa, I would say that one part is due to development and another is due to the environment in which we develop, but the intergenerational inheritance of "trauma" is true, which is interesting.

Even if not I would really appreciate hearing more about this disorder and its symptoms. I feel like I show some signs but want to learn more before discussing with my psychiatrist

So, I mostly use Telegram but I also have WhatsApp because of a gig I did for an American company, and these days I noticed that WhatsApp now has a built-in AI chat with "Meta AI".

I never talked to an AI before because I'm not particularly fond of bandwagons, but I decided to give it a try.

And the experience was amazing! I didn't really talk with it as if it was a person, rather as a very advanced search engine that can answer questions and respond intuitively to semantics instead of relying on me to know how to look up a topic. But nevertheless, it was amazing because never once in my entire life before I didn't feel this nagging fear of saying something I shouldn't, or of creeping out or confusing someone else.

It's almost like AI was made for people like us. Now I understand why so many people are even dating AI.

What are your experiences with talking with AI?

I thought I'd never feel this. It's such a relief. I'm not broken, I'm just disordered, like I thought, but it was harder to accept when I didn't know how? When I didn't have a word for it. I'm so relieved. Schizotypal is so much better than "ocd but not really and autistic but not really and schizophrenic but not really and bpd but not really and avpd but not really". There's not a lot of information (I wonder why when one of the symptoms is being super private /s) but I don't care. I've got my life preserver, feels like. I've got hope. Not even my professionally diagnosed ADHD I've been medicated for 15 years for felt this real. This genuine. I think I really, seriously, finally fucking found it. I knew I wasn't "just weird".

I don't like the weird in certain context but it fits so here goes... Iz it weird that I only celebrate Halloween??? 🤔🤔 its my favorite holiday besides new years. I mostly do it 4 the kid in me. The neighborhood kids love me cuz they have the "good" candy (I buy shyt I like NO cheap candy) I go all out...I have a daytime costume 4 public outings I was a evil teletubbie 1 year and a nighttime costume. I can't afford costumes this year so im just gonna wear my minecraft onesie 2 pass out candy. I have a rest in peace banner on my balcony cuz tbh my apartment is a place of peace.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7i-fT63mk-Q