Hi everyone, I just found this page maybe 5 minutes ago. I didn't realize until recently the term late bloomer for us who have started life later than most others. I really wish I knew this term as well as a second adolescence earlier. In context I am in the end of my 20's and I really haven't authentically been me. I have had battled severe depression, which hindered my success in my life. I also had very severe pain, which also prohibited me from doing things for a long time. For a while doctors thought it was in my head. Eventually I saw a neurologist who believed it to be fibromyalgia. Long story short it took a while to find what worked for me. I also never knew what I wanted to do in my life, so I worked odd jobs and job hopped. I never saved money to live on my own, so I live with my parents. However I finally decided to pursue nursing school. I went a semester and failed out. I had to wait a year, and start back from the beginning. I finally will be graduating in 2 months (hoping everything fares well these next 8 weeks). I have never had a relationship or even a kiss before. I can tell l'm starting to develop my "second adolescence". I'm almost acting like a teenager again in a sense. I don't want to be bothered by my family. I want to do things when I want to, how I want to. I'm so ready to earn a living and be on my own. I never got to be a dumb, or wild young adult, and I'm so ready to be free and be dumb (and responsible of course). I do know I'm not actually 18 again, and never can be. I just want a tad bit of that feeling though. I'm ready to live how I want to, I want to be carefree and hook up as much as I can, all the while trying to get into my first relationship. I feel I have so much to crunch in a fast amount of time. I'm so ready to live my life on my terms. Sorry for the rant, this has been on my mind so much lately. So glad I found this forum

So I am (31M) I have always been a curious person so I guess that’s what makes me open minded. Now with that being said, I have accepted that I’m basically gay even tho I’m not into masculine men, I have learned a lot about myself and what I like as far as being verse as well, but my issue is I can’t tell the people around me for some reason, I guess probably cause fear of being shamed or abandoned by my family sadly…idk what I should do?

I’ve had gay urges my whole life and even bottomed a few times in the past but now the urges are overpowering and I feel like I need to come out but can’t mentally accept it. Can anyone help me ? Probably need someone to force me to get over the self denial lol idk

This is just to introduce myself. I turned 65 earlier this year, shortly after having resolved to come out to myself. It was only fairly recently I could even admit I'm gay, but I feel I've made considerable progress toward accepting myself fully. I honestly have never felt happier. The most wonderful aspect of this process-admittedly slow and extremely difficult-has been to make me more understanding and forgiving of others, especially from my past-a past that hardly concerns me anymore, since I was never entirely present. Just reading of the experiences of others here has been such a great help and encouragement, I love you all! Thank you so much!

I’ve had gay urges my whole life and even bottomed a few times in the past but now the urges are overpowering and I feel like I need to come out but can’t mentally accept it. Can anyone help me ?

Brief bio:

• Separated 3 years from 22 year marriage, very close friends w/ ex-wife, divorced early this year

• 2 grown (20M, 18F) kids, one kinda homophobic, the other progressive

-Close relationships to parents & siblings

-Very active social life with many different groups, so lots of straight (zero to few gay) friends

-Masturbation fantasies 99% gay since puberty but always thought it myself as “bi” or “curious”

-Overwhelming depression, anxiety and loss of focus since divorce, overwhelmingly horny for men

-A few GFs since separation and a new one as of a few months ago, but longing for my future dating relationships to be authentic

-Finally accepted I’m gay

Advice: Guys in similar situations, who did you come out to first?

I still feel like a work in process when it comes to male-on-male intimacy...have cum with few guys but nothing I would call full on sex. I'm mid 40s, recently divorced from my wife of 20+ years and want to more deeply explore. Going to Vegas this weekend and wanted to see if anyone had any recommendations? Thought about going to a bathhouse but it's unlikely I'd fuck or get fucked. Not sure how those places work if your curious. Open to anything safe and would definitely be down to try something if it made sense :). Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you!

I read something recently where a guy was talking about getting his prostrate milked. He referred to doing it to himself and having others do it to him. I am 56 years old and have never experienced that. Though I have been with a guy who could cum while being fucked without touching his dick. I guess that’s totally separate.

I’m a versatile dude so I know what it feels like to be penetrated, but I cannot cum without jacking while that’s happening. With milking I guess you cum without having to work it up?

Any of you guys had your prostrate milked. I’m curious, does it feel like ejaculating? Is it a better sensation?

is anal sex as the receiver, something you grow to like or do you like it immediately

Hey everyone! I feel like I finally found my group. I’m 39, married to a woman, have 3 kids, and am probably gay. I came to the conclusion recently that straight men probably don’t watch primarily gay porn and check out guys like I do, all while fantasizing about what it would be like to be in a relationship with one.

That’s pretty much it. Mainly wanting to chat or find some kind of community. I have no idea what my next steps are, but looking to connect with others in similar situations as I feel completely alone most of the time. I’d also love to hear from those who were in this situation and came out the other side successfully be fully themselves.

Cheers!

I posted this in Bisexual Men and AskGayBros over 30 (which is where I learned of this subreddit), and thought it might be appropriate to ask here. Prior to coming out as bi, my sexual attraction to men v. women was about 80/20; but romantic attraction was about 90/10 in favor of women. After coming out as bi, about 10 years ago, sexual attraction was about 90/10 in favor of guys and romantic attraction about 50/50. But since I’ve had more experiences with guys, I have really not had interest in sex with women at all for like 4 years (in fact it’s a major turn off; if I’m watching porn and there’s a woman, I immediately lose interest), and romantic interest is now like 90/10 in favor of guys. I was very sexually repressed when I came out. Does it seem that maybe I was just gay and very closeted or can a bi-cycle act this way? Would I have like 0 sexual attraction to women for like 4-5 years?

Hello everyone,

I'm a longtime reader and first time poster here. I'm a 37 year old. I'm married to my best friend from high school and I have the most beautiful son. I'm finally coming to terms with my sexuality and I'm terrified of the consequences if it ever came out in the open.

My question to the community members is that when did you know that it was time to tell your partner/parents/near and dear ones? (Emphasis on the partner)

Did your partner find out accidentally? Did you summon the courage to finally tell them knowing fully well the consequences in most cases? What was the tipping point for you? How did you shed the deathly grip of fear and the unknown and resolve to tell them?

My apologies if this has been asked before. And my intention is not to hurt or offend anyone. I'm very confused and very scared for my partner and my son and for myself.

Thank you take the time to read this post and a bigger thank you to all of you who reply to it 🙏

Has anyone had an incident growing up where they were harassed or accused of being gay by someone only to learn they themselves were gay?

How did that interaction go? How did you react? How did they react?

I thought I was bi for many years but at the end of 2022 a woman work friend Melissa she seen a rainbow ring on my finger and she asks me are you gay and I admitted to myself yes I am so I say to her yes I am Gay, And I told my brother and sister that I am Gay and also came out to some of my work friends too, I feel so good and happy that I am not hiding who I am no more 👬🌈

Hey everyone!

So I wanted to ask about something I'm sure has been discussed a lot over the years, but it's all new to me.

I've thought of myself as bi for quite a few years now, and I've fooled around with guys a fair bit. As an older guy and a dad (dad bod, literal dad too, if that matters) I always had fun on the DL but always thought of myself as that masculine bi top guy who could take it or leave it.

It's been over a year since I had an experience that pushed me in the bottom direction. I haven't bottomed yet, but I think about it all the time. I can't explain it but a switch has been flipped and I'm turned on differently. It's kind of intimidating, if I'm honest. I've been intimate with men and women, but the last couple of times things haven't worked the same as far as women go. But I get to full mast when the thought of bottoming comes up.

Anyone in a similar situation? Thoughts on what to do? How to approach things? I mean obviously, get fucked but ... why do I resist doing that? Any thoughts from someone in my shoes before, let me know.

First I had a few months of not wanting to really hookup because I felt dirty/bad, then a couple months of being weirdly picky about only wanting to get with people younger than myself, then a couple of months of promiscously sleeping with tons and tons of guys (of all shapes, sizes, and ages), now kind of celibate-ish but resentful of missed time. I know I still have time ahead of me in life as a 28 year old, but I really feel like I missed a lot of experiences other people got to enjoy.

Going to be a long one, so sorry for that. Mostly just looking to vent, more than any specific answers, but any words of wisdom and kindness are always accepted.

For some background, I have identified as "something other than straight" since I was about 14, although I was pretty accutely aware I wasn't terribly into girls before that. But anyways, that part isn't really something new to me to have to process. Ultimately I ended up having to come out to my parents when I was 17 because I wanted to be able to openly date the guy I was with at the time rather than be forced to keep hiding myself and my relationship. It was about as perfectly awesome as you would expect (extreme sarcasm there) and ultimately I was left feeling exceptionally unwelcome by my mom and dad so I ended up finishing high school while living with my older brother and then immediately leaving for the army when I graduated because I needed somewhere to go, or else end up effectively homeless. The army at the time was not a lot better environment for a "queer" 18 year old who had just suffered some pretty severe trauma. Lots of overt homophobia and DADT was still in effect, so I was under threat of both my physical safety as well as a dishonorable discharge if the "activities" I was engaging in with other guys were ever discovered by any of my peers or leadership.

When I came out to my parents, I came out as bi, which I really did believe at the time. As a result I ultimately ended up married to a woman (probably much too young) and having a son. It took me a long time to eventually come out to her. But I did and it was fine. I had never cheated on her or anything, and I wasn't asking for permission to sleep with guys, so I think that made it easier. It didn't end our marriage or anything and went along pretty much as normal.

However, there were plenty of times that I thought I was "underselling" it though, and that I was using the bi label to justify remaining married to her and keeping my family together rather than just admit I am gay and part ways. After 14 years, our marriage did end (for reasons other than my not being straight). Now that I'm single again though, I can't picture myself ever being with another woman. I only have sex with and date other men, and really it feels more "right" than I have ever felt before in my life. But I am also having a hard time reconciling with the idea that I am most likely gay, not because of any discomfort I have with being with men (I've been doing that since I was 14), but because I feel like if that is the case, it means that practically my whole adult life was nothing but a lie. That my marriage was a "sham" in some way and that it wasn't fair to either me or, more importantly, her to have wasted all those years together and that makes me so incredibly guilty it hurts.

I also feel like I really missed the boat when it comes to having lived my life and that I lost any chance at actually experiencing happiness and find myself dwelling on all the missed opportunities I would have had if I had made different (better?) choices earlier on. At 35, my life is practically half over (based on the life expectancy of the American male) and I feel like I am starting over from square one and it's both terrifying and disheartening.

TL;DR I am suffering from either an identity or mid-life crisis (or both) and feel like I have squandered the only life I get and I am incredibly frustrated and disappointed in myself for having done that and feel even worse that I ended up dragging someone else down with me.

At the same time I was getting diagnosed with autism, I finally admitted to myself that I was gay. This was a few years ago, around 2021. At the time, I thought I was bi, but as time went on, I begin to realize with more certainty that I'm gay.

I had gay feelings as a child and pretend encounters with other boys, but I chalked them up to being a horny pre-teen.

Fastforward, I didn't accept who I was and wanted the straight life to avoid any judgement. I dated women and married one who I'm still married to after 35 years. We have a beautiful 30 yr old, proudly gay son. My wife knows my truth and is very supportive, but I know it's hard for her. I want so bad to experience sex and maybe even a relationship with another man, but I can't bring myself to leave her or cheat on her because I love her very much and she's my best friend.

I'm thankful for this community. Much love and respect to you all because I know your journey is difficult.

As much time as I (37 M) spend on Reddit, I don’t usually have the courage to post, but here I go, and here’s my story (the full story!)

I knew I was different in middle school. I suppressed it, I hid it, I wanted it to go away. I still remember every vivid detail of my first male “crush”. As I grew older, I eventually convinced myself that I was bisexual (even though I would now argue that I wasn’t). It was a lot of things…presumed familial pressures, societal pressures, and religious pressures. I knew I wanted a family with kids. I knew that I wanted that white picket fence life that everyone dreams of. Nobody talks about it, but it was also an era where these hopes and dreams were only available to “straight” people. I was a young 22 years old when I got into my long term relationship with a woman, which a long time later I would end up marrying and even having 2 beautiful kids with. The marriage was rocky, there were a lot of red flags early on, but I kept pushing forward knowing this was the best path forward.

Times changed, and so did my heart. When I was 36, I finally came to full terms with my sexuality, that I was in fact gay. It was a process which took years, as there was lots at stake…the children, my career, and even the wellbeing of my ex. Around the time I fully came to terms with myself, I unexpectedly met the man of my dreams. Although 15 years younger, I quickly realized he was everything I wanted in life. Despite all my previous relationships, it was the first time I felt butterflies. It was the first time I felt true love as it should be felt. I mustered the strength to come out to my ex, family and friends. Despite the damage it caused, and what a traumatizing experience that was, it felt good to finally be living life as my true self.

I ended up in a relationship with the man of my dreams. I didn’t deserve such a relationship, given my past, but I actually met someone who loved all of me for me, and loved the kids just as much. I felt true love for the first time in my life, and actually felt like I had my life together. After a few months, he succumbed to family and religious pressures and left. It was the first time I had ever been broken up with in my life. He wanted to move away and start a new life. While heartbroken and unable to even get out of bed, I supported him. My love was so strong that I supported seeing him happy, even if it destroyed myself. A month later, he pulled out of his escape plan and wanted me back, exclaiming that it was the biggest mistake of his life. We got back together.

Shortly thereafter, we started living together, and searching for a house together. We found a rental home that was perfect for us, and ultimately went in on it together 3 months ago. We moved in, built this home together, and merged our lives. Everything seemed so natural. We merged our lives, merged kids, merged our families. I reached a point where I was living the ultimate American dream! I finally achieved the “white picket fence” life, living my life happily with someone that I was truly ready to grow old with. I had no fears about life anymore. I can’t begin to express how in love I am!

Two weeks ago, out of absolutely nowhere, the man of my dreams seemed upset, and I asked what was wrong. It was that moment that I was told he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. There were no warning signs. He was 100% all in up until a few hours before this conversation. The day before this conversation, we literally bought and hung curtains in our new home. We had an amazing vacation with my family out of the country just a few weeks ago.

All of his stuff is still here, but he has been staying with family lately.

I’ve never been so conflicted in my life. My mind tells me that given that this has happened twice, it won’t work. Meanwhile, despite the advice of friends, my heart tells me that this is still my person. I have always been told that when you find your person, you’ll know. Despite this tragic event and his behavior, he still feels like my person.

The more I have dug into this issue on my own, there is clearly strong family and religious influence. Despite all that, I still feel like he is my person. We are on great terms presently, and after just a few days, we’re now talking in a manner like we did when we were first talking. There’s so much flirting. He is showing physical signs that he’s still interested, but hasn’t talked about the elephant in the room.

Physically, I fully admit, he’s much younger so doesn’t have as much life experience as me. Mentally, he came out around the same time as me, so we are at the same point. Admittedly, the kids ask about him daily, so that creates a bias. Yes, I admit I miss him. I have not shown this as friends have told me to act “unbothered”, despite my true feelings.

If anyone has any thoughts or advice, I would love to hear it. Additionally, if anyone can relate, please message me. I have no other gay/bi friends than this man, and need to do better at building a circle.

I'm 34, and have always struggled internally with who or what I am. I've lived as a straight man my entire life while thinking I was straight, bi, asexual. After a lot of soul-searching I'm finally starting to accept that I'm gay. I've had one serious relationship ever in my life which ended over a decade ago. I've had sex sporadically since then, mostly to no successful finish for myself. I've dabbled at playing in adult stores and some grindr hookups while always having attraction to the male figure. I've gone on a few dates here and there, but any possible romantic fling with a woman ended pretty quickly as I'd lose interest within a few days. I chalk this all up to not being able to accept my homosexuality. I'm finally getting to a point that I'm able to accept that I'm gay. So what do I do now?

I (42 M) think I realized a couple weeks ago that I'm gay.

I've been in 10 relationships in my life, and only got started after college when I was 25. Thinking back, I have always been curious but there were a lot of things I did in my life because I wanted my mom to have at least one kid she could be proud of. College, military, clean record, but I've also been married and divorced twice with no kids.

After my last divorce about 6 years ago when I realized I was free to do whatever I wanted to with my life, I started buying and experimenting with things and found that I really liked it and that it worked for me. I was in a couple short relationships after, but I knew going in neither of them were into anything like that so I had resigned myself to my perceived fate of being on my own and never being able to find a woman who would be into those things. My last break up was especially hard, but it did result in me buying my first home in a new town. The biggest freedom I think I've ever had in my life.

And then long story short, I saw him a couple weeks ago. I had never seen anyone like him in my entire life, and something just clicked in my head. I watched him walk all the way around the block and out of sight forever, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since then. So many fantasies... But the thing about all of it is that it doesn't feel weird at all. It just feels right. I know I'll probably never see him again, but I know but if I did I would talk to him, hope to god he would talk to me, we could fulfill at least one of my fantasies... But it wasn't just the physical, I had fantasized about having a deep emotional romantic connection with this guy.

I've never felt this way before, but it all feels like this is the way it's supposed to be for me. I've been looking at other men differently (not friends or coworkers), thinking about different things, rambling on about it to some of my friends in other communities and they're all stoked for me. Saying out loud in private "I'm gay. You're gay." And it feels totally fine!

Am I nuts here? Or have I had an epiphone-grade moment?

After I (M53) came out to my wife (F53) in May, 2023, we separated for a month. Got back together about a year ago. Our relationship is closer than ever.

But, I find myself in constant turmoil.

My decision to stay with my wife was based on me being able to push down my SSA for over 40 years. Why couldn’t I just keep doing so? I figured it would be easier now because my best friend (my wonderful wife) knew everything now. And she wanted to stay with me and continue our life together. I was ecstatic that our family could move forward unchanged. My kids and their spouses knew everything and they accepted me completely. So, why shouldn’t I stay in my role as straight male husband, father, and grandfather?

Early on once we were back together, I joked here and there about me being gay. My wife would visibly flinch when I did this. We talked about it and she said I shouldn’t refer to myself as gay because I was living straight. I stopped referring to myself as gay. I knew I was gay, despite staying in a heterosexual marriage and acting straight. I’ve know since I was 13.

And so, I worked on completely pushing down all gay thoughts and emotions. I am failing at pushing this down again like I used to before coming out. I’m sure I could do better if I went to church, read my bible regularly, and studied God’s message to us about how to be more like Him. But, I don’t want to connect with God again. I want to keep Him at arm’s length because I feel wretched guilt when I even consider my faith.

I don’t know if I can survive acting straight and not being my true self. My kids and my grandkids will be ok with me if I pull myself out for real. They will be upset about its impact on my wife. I will be upset about my impact on my wife. It will completely break her. How can I be so selfish to break my best friend because of my SSA? I don’t think I can leave her. Leave her to be alone. I feel cruel, selfish, like the worst liar and faker ever to have walked the Earth when I even consider leaving.

Came out to wife 2 years ago. Her and I were at a good point and it’s. Now time to tell my 14yr old son. I’m scared shitless and don’t know how to go about it.

For those that have done it. How did you go about it?

I does one go about over coming internalized homophobia, I’ve known for most of my life that I have attraction and had attraction to other boys growing up.

I was drawn to some boys but didn’t fully know or understand why I got the feelings I did though I did have the same feelings for girls it didn’t occur to me despite having the same feelings for boys, I guess I thought it was some kink I’d grow out of.

The older I’ve gotten the more comfortable I’ve gotten with my same sex attractions. I can be out and open online but not in person.

In middle and high school there were a few incidents with being accused of being gay, maybe it was obvious to some. There were some experiences with other boys that I never labeled because they just felt right and natural.

Ironically many of the girls I did like or liked me were usually gay or bi themselves, after years of denial and sneaking around gay sites and some attractions to women I’m still left wondering gay or bisexual.

I have been on my own for a few years now. I met another single guy my age at the gym. Him and I have been hanging out alot.

I have always been curious. I was married for a long time and never had a situation with a guy.

My gym buddy is a lot more advanced in that area than I am. A while back he talked me into letting him give me head. That was my first time with a guy. I don't know what the big deal is. It's fun and no big thing.

Lately we have ben swaping head. We cuddle and kiss. I found the kissing a bit weird at first. Now it's kinda nice.

The thing is he wants to top me. I think I want to let him. But I'm a little unsure. Is it okay for a 65 year old man to bottom?

Hey there, long time lurker first time poster. I'd like to share my coming out journey and how I decided to stay with my wife while still remaining "authentic".

My wife and I have been married for over 15 years (both in our 30s) and have kids. She knew going into our relationship that I was bi (dated, slept with, loved both). Eventually in our marriage things took a turn and I started doing all of the gay outlets you see on this subreddit--porn, chats, videos, meetups, hookups... It was a dark time, and I will forever regret the shit I put her through. Even after coming clean multiple times, this is the last time etc, she still stayed with me.

Last year though things were different. For the past couple of years my interest in hetero porn had tanked completely, and I found absolutely 0 interest in anything involving a woman. This became a problem for my wife, as she has a really high sex drive and even through the cheating I still made time for her.

It was then that I started to realize... I don't think I'm bi anymore. I'm gay, and like the rest of this subreddit, that probably means divorce. So I "came out" to my wife and family, and we started looking at a divorce. It fucking sucked for everyone involved, it would destroy our household, both of us would have to downsize/move, and the kids would blame me for it.

In the despair of all this I started wondering... Is divorce the only solution? My wife and I are 1000% compatible, she's my best friend, we're absolutely each other's ride or die, we have the same values, and we parent/get along so damn well. Is all of that worth throwing away because she doesn't have a penis?

I'm a math geek so to further reinforce how "good I have it". I calculated my "odds" of finding a gay man who could potentially "replace" what I have with my wife and they were... awful, especially if I'm hoping to stay close to my wife/kids.

So I stopped.the divorce, and we went to therapy. We then spent the next year figuring out how to be a mixed orientation couple. And... it's working. It's complicated, it's awkward at times, but we're both satisfied with the arrangement. And there is no open marriage, no hall passes, just the wife and me.

For bedroom stuff, the best way I've been able to explain it is some times I'm "capital G" and want alone time, and other times I'm ready to have some fun celebrating our relationship, either giving or receiving. I do not identify as bi because if it weren't for my wife, I'd be with a man.

Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to give another perspective that doesn't involve divorce or an open marriage.

Hey everyone,
I'm conducting a survey for my masters thesis on how LGBTQ+ people manage their emotions when experiencing discrimination or other gender or sexuality-based stressors. The study is completely anonymous and every person that identifies as LGBTQ+ in any possible way can participate. You would really help me out with your participation and get instant good Karma back! ❤️

Here's the link: https://univiepsy.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_77KddElcpfVvYLs

Thank you :)