/r/historyjokes

Photograph via snooOG

Hello all! Welcome to r/historyjokes, a part of the r/JokesHQ community! History jokes are jokes that make light of various subjects that happened 20 or more years ago. Disclaimer: This subreddit does not support or condone genocide, terrorism, etc. It simply makes light of the subject in a playful manner. So don't be offended. r/historyjokes is a History Network member.

Hello all! Welcome to r/historyjokes, a part of the r/JokesHQ community! History jokes are jokes that make light of various subjects that happened 20 or more years ago. Disclaimer: This subreddit does not support or condone genocide, terrorism, etc. It simply makes light of the subject in a playful manner. So don't be offended

Rules

Rule 1: No Spam

Rule 2: No Reposting

Rule 3: Follow Reddiquette Rules

Rule 4: All Content Must Be Jokes

A History Network Member

Related Subreddits

/r/historyjokes

523 Subscribers

8

þings are actually pretty cool!

A Norseman walks into Parliament and goes, "what is this þing?"

0 Comments
2021/01/22
18:03 UTC

18

How to say surprise in different languages:

French: Surprise

Spanish: Sorpresa

Swedish: Överraskning

German: BLITZKRIEG

1 Comment
2021/01/17
15:31 UTC

31

Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?

Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.

1 Comment
2020/12/25
20:15 UTC

20

Why were there no serial killers in the Soviet Union?

They all worked for the KGB.

2 Comments
2020/12/10
16:22 UTC

14

Smh such a bullshit ending

So am I the only one upset about how WWII ended? I mean they built Hitler up to be the big bad and just when he is about to face justice, he goes and kills himself. WTF was the point of him if FDR and Churchill were not going to fight him in an epic duel to save the world? And don't get me started on FDR! They just kill him half way through the war. Truman totally did not deserve to win the war, his character arc was not about war winning. And it certainly wasn't about destroying two cities with bullshit deus ex super weapons that came out of no where.

And another thing that pissed me off is that in the last episode of the war we find out that Stalin was a bad guy the entire time! Where was this foreshadowed to us? WTF, absolute character assassination. He was all about freeing the oppressed and bringing about a new system that wasn't shackling the poor and they made him a dictator? That is bullshit!

Anyways, WWII was cool but its end was absolutely trash and I would like you guys to sign a petition to have it rewritten.

7 Comments
2020/12/05
15:27 UTC

6

The Great Depression is how I felt in my 30's.

0 Comments
2020/10/08
10:09 UTC

3

Hammurabi's Code Hilariously Condemns Woman to Drowning

Hey all I wrote a joke article that takes place in Ancient Mesopotamia. It's about some of Hammurabi's more obscure laws.

I really like writing these, but I don't really have an audience. If you guys like them I'll try to find time to do more haha

http://dailysack.com/2019/10/24/part-2-hammurabis-code-hilariously-condemns-woman-to-drowning/

2 Comments
2020/10/04
14:24 UTC

6

The ancient Romans had rooms and passages called vomitoriums

It was where they kept their misunderstood eytmologies.

0 Comments
2020/09/25
13:50 UTC

3

Whats the difference of this subreddit and r/historymemes ?

1 Comment
2020/09/12
13:17 UTC

17

An Irishman, a Frenchman,a Scotsman, a Englishman are on a hot air ballon.

The captain of a hot air ballon realized he was crashing and everyone on board would die. He said,” Somebody’s going to have to jump!” A Frenchman comes up, and says, Viva la France! And jumps. The captain says we need someone else to jump! A Scotsman comes up, and says, for the glory of Scotland! And jumps. The captain says we need one more to jump. So the Irishman comes up and says, FOR THE GLORY OF IRELAND, and throws off the Englishman!

0 Comments
2020/07/30
02:51 UTC

6

What do you get when you mix a Japanese pilot, and a Bolshevik? A COMMIEKAZIE!

0 Comments
2020/07/30
02:44 UTC

5

american in 1783

person A: hooray we broke away from Britain who. was trying to do what again

person B: tax us

person A: tax us unfairly!

person B: actually they had lost a lot of money protecting us

person A: well, we did it alone?

person B: actually france helped a lot and now they're fucked

person A: well we give freedom, right?

person B: correct, now I'm off to an auction

person A: oh cool what are they selling

person B: slaves

0 Comments
2020/07/12
05:46 UTC

5

Who was on the chopping board

Marie Antoinette

0 Comments
2020/05/31
05:05 UTC

11

Socrates has a wife.

Bet she fucking hated the arguments they had.

1 Comment
2020/05/29
23:39 UTC

2

Mad Stories: Pythagoras and the Cult of Numbers

Just a funny, short historical story :-)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbDzeMdjFDA

0 Comments
2020/04/15
19:43 UTC

11

What was the one resource the Germans didn’t lack in WW2

Enemies

1 Comment
2020/04/10
10:29 UTC

1

What was Henry VIII’s favorite Jordin Sparks song?

No Heir

What was Richard I’s?

Battlefield

0 Comments
2020/04/08
12:22 UTC

3

What did Henry VIII say to the Pope?

“I’m gonna make like my wife’s head and split!”

0 Comments
2020/04/08
12:21 UTC

5

What was France like before the Revolution?

Brokoco!

Ba dum tsss

0 Comments
2020/04/06
22:09 UTC

4

just something i thought of while in the shower. bad joke

me: yo where are you Heading?

gf: You Said You Would Treat Me Like A Queen

me: ok girl, wash your neck

gf: wtf why

me: because ima Be Heading with you

bad joke i know

0 Comments
2020/04/06
17:07 UTC

10

corniest joke I just thought of

Q: What did the proud father say to his son after he founded modern day Turkey?

A: Ataturk!

I fucking hate myself......

0 Comments
2020/03/21
08:38 UTC

2

Where does Émile Zola like to relax?

His J'Accuse-i.

0 Comments
2020/03/12
15:31 UTC

2

When Al lost his dog Lorraine, why’d he blame Heinrich?

Because Germans are always taking Al’s lost Lorraine.

0 Comments
2020/03/07
01:46 UTC

8

What food would Charles II of Spain be in?

InBRED

2 Comments
2020/02/03
02:35 UTC

5

Vietnam + Donkey Kong = VietKong

Don't blame me, my brother thought of it

0 Comments
2019/10/10
11:38 UTC

9

How do you piss off a Lithuanian?

Tell them that Vilnius (Wilno) is part of Poland

1 Comment
2019/08/05
17:53 UTC

12

What’s the difference between Marcus Lepidus and Mark Antony?

Lepidus is the Master of the Horse and Mark Antony is the Master of the Whores

1 Comment
2019/06/02
13:51 UTC

3

Why did the North Vietnamese army retreat?

There was a “Giap” in the frontline

0 Comments
2019/05/27
12:38 UTC

5

Why don't you look a gift horse in the mouth?

You'd see all the Grecians inside.

1 Comment
2019/05/17
22:25 UTC

4

Listen All! A Message From the King! "We need moderators"...

"We need moderators immediately to aid in the War effort against the filthy r/lightjokes heathens! If you wish to help, please, send a letter to myself, the king, and my many servants will call upon you, examine you, and determine if you are fit enough to join r/historyjokes in battle! Basic requirements are

Volunteer must be of: 30 days of age

Volunteer have acquired: 500 tallies of moral standing

We thank any and all who join us here, and hope we can expand our borders against our rivals.

Good luck, u/xSilus, The King of r/HistoryJokes"

4 Comments
2019/01/17
05:05 UTC

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