/r/darkjokes
r/darkjokes is a place to post dark jokes. Nothing more, nothing less. Because of the nature of dark jokes, this is a NSFW subreddit.
Turtle hate goes here: r/banned
An American subreddit, by Americans, for Americans.
Help end violence: r/BanVideoGames
Dark jokes are jokes that employs farce and morbid humor, which, in its simplest form, is humor that makes light of subject matter usually considered taboo.
Post your dark jokes here! No joke is too dark.
NO BETTY WHITE JOKES ever
- Jokes must be in text form (no linking to other sites: imgur, youtube, etc.).
- All mods and subscribers must take at least one nap every two days
- This is a communist subreddit based on the eternal science of Marxism-Leninism based on the revolutionary philosophy of dialectical materialism
- Do not repost from all time top 20 list in /r/darkjokes/
- No spam.
- No Ouija's.
- Don't Overdo it!
- No baby jokes!
- If you see a repost, downvote or ignore. Commenting "Repost" is not the new 'cool'.
- Metaposts are not allowed. This is a dark joke subreddit, not a talk about the subreddit subreddit
- We the mods will routinely bait you. Don't get used to it! :P
- Meow
We reserve the right to do whatever we want.
/r/darkjokes
609,437 Subscribers
My brother and I were both born in early July
My mom would tell everyone she had cancers
19:46 UTC
What do you call a group of finely blended holiday floats and displays?
Pureed parade
13:40 UTC
What's the difference between a nephew and cancer
My Uncle didn't beat cancer.
09:19 UTC
Once the person is a good musician, it doesn't pickup a gun.
10:46 UTC
A scene in the Post Office
A guy walked into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then took out a perfume bottle and started spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity got the better of him so he walked over to the man and asked him what he was doing.
The man said, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess Who?'"
“But why?" asked the guy.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replied.
03:27 UTC
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex.
He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"
14:49 UTC
How does an emo like to float in the water?
Down the river!! Lmao
20:11 UTC
Why do japanese sumowrestlers shave their legs?
So we can tell them apart from the feminists
21:18 UTC
I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a throbbing head that spouts regular gushes of hot sticky mess, unfortunately it's still me that's got sinusitis.
18:53 UTC
Whats the simmilarity betweek a twinkie and a twink?
They are both filled with cream
17:31 UTC
Watching Muhammad Ali fight dementia was better than the Tyson and Paul fight.
22:22 UTC
“We must never allow politics to ruin our friendships!” - Anne Frank, Diary of a Young Girl
18:14 UTC
What is Jerry Sandusky's favorite penalty?
Illegal touching
01:45 UTC
Why was the Black Dahlia cut in half?
Because the killer wanted to make Elizabeth short.
06:52 UTC
I had sex with my dad in an elevator.
It was wrong on so many levels
11:00 UTC
Why are priests called father?
Because calling him daddy would blow his cover.
01:09 UTC
There’s a big irony in being a gay pescatarian
I don’t eat sausage but I love fish
20:36 UTC
Today 15 girls asked me to go out.
(I was in girl's washroom)
06:01 UTC
What's the difference between a beer and a abortion?
I've never forced a woman to have a beer.
10:11 UTC
What’s the difference between a drunk driver on a farm and Jeffrey Dahmer with diarrhea?
The driver hits a shed.
14:02 UTC
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile
22:43 UTC
I seen a kid crying, so I asked him " where are your parents" He started to cry even more
Man i love working at the orphanage.
19:42 UTC
What do you call an orphan who is kidnapped?
A suprise adoption
08:49 UTC
Me and my brother used to always argue over who was taller
Now it's definitive that I'm at least 6 feet taller than him.
16:42 UTC
What do you call jail and prison in Russia?
Life and Death.
15:48 UTC
I’m tired of the stupid question, “are you an extrovert or an introvert?”
Bitch I’m a pervert
(not a joke joke but a funny remark)
23:28 UTC
If I had a gun with 1 bullet and was locked in a cage with a man and a bear
I'd shoot myself
01:11 UTC
DARK joke.
Dark jokes are like necrophilia. Some of them are dead….and some people like them waaay too much
21:20 UTC
How did the skeleton cross the road?
Not quickly enough.
07:39 UTC
You know i found out the hard way that my toaster is water proof
09:50 UTC