Just got out of the ER because I decided to drink a whole fifth and after I finished the bottle 6 hours later I was vomiting non stop uncontrollably. Not very fun.

Holy shit they usually give me Ativan but they gave me Valium that shit HURTS going in it feels like fire in my arm. I was so dehydrated they couldn’t even find a vein!!

Sorry I got off topic: Be nice to nurses and you’ll have whatever you want got me some valium and vyvanse.

I saw a tiktok about hiding vodka in the sink disguised as trash/dishes with water in them. Did it last night. Vodka in a glass and then some juice box wrappers in it to make it really look authentic lol. Went to bed before the party ended and didn't want to wake up dry. .... Currently dry heaving/sipping a coffee with a couple shots of my sink vodka in it.

Sorry, dumping. Could brain just shut up for a god damn minute and let me sleep. We're in this together. You want food, let me gett food. It's fucking weird that I have to talk to... who am I talking to?

I know it's a little late/early, but did yall do any drunk shopping? I had an Amazon gift card I got for my birthday and decided to order Satan's Blood. Don't even know what the fuck I'm supposed to do with it because it's so fucking hot, and I have enough stomach problems as is. I hear it's good in chili. Otherwise it's just gonna sit on my shelf and look cool.

I've been drinking daily for 20 years and this just gradually for a year and now I'm at the point I'm hiccuping 24/7, even while sober. I'm just wondering if this is a sign of something more serious from drinking too much.

Hi fellow degenerates.

My shakes are horrible. I’m doing cold turkey and it’s a nightmare.

I’m at my boyfriend’s place (not by myself, thankfully.)

My tachycardia has also been bad.

I tried to taper yesterday (we know how that goes). Got drunk instead.

Now here we are.

I’m trying to figure out if this is withdrawals or what.

What’s up boozebags. I just finished reading The Cipher by Kathe Koja and it was fucking bleak and I loved it. It’s a horror novel about love and alcoholism and a hole in reality. Lovecraft but the protagonist is a CA. Check it out if you read and want to feel bad and be uncomfortable.

Anyway this got me thinking. Do you any of you guys have a favorite movie or book about the fucked up lifestyle CAs lead? I think my favorite movie featuring a CA is Habit (95) about a dude whose alcoholism attracts the attention of a vampire. Really good. Especially when I’m drunk. Recommend me some media. Or maybe let’s start a drunk book club? Idk

i turn 22 tomorrow. there’s so much in my head that i always think of writing about on here, but i ultimately don’t have the energy to type out and post. about how i want to go to rehab/treatment but i can’t without further financially burdening my family, or risking myself more trauma considering my previous experiences with seeking inpatient help.

i wish i could say more, but i don’t physically or mentally have it in me. i’ve been so scarred enough by the couple times i’ve went to inpatient hospitals i can’t go again. any decent rehab places would cause financial stress for my family for probably years. but i also feel on the verge of death rn so idk what to do. i don’t have anything going for me except for the fact that i don’t want my dogs to be confused or my parents to have to bury their child. even if im a burden, i don’t want to cause any more shittiness.

i’m at rock bottom again snd i feel like i literally have nothing to celebrate anymore. no stable friends, career, physical health, romantic relationship, or anything. i understand that a lot of people look down at younger alcoholics here since we don’t experience the full physical damage yet, but trust me that the feeling of being a CA by your early 20s before you can accomplish much as far as a career or relationships is a hopeless ass feeling.

i’m not sure if i can make it any further man. idk if this will actually resonate with someone, i’m just rambling, but i hope maybe this post can help someone in a similar situation feel less alone. to all of the lurkers and loners on here who don’t even have the energy to type anything: i’m with you man

i’m having bad thoughts and idk how long i can be here. but i hope i can make anyone in a similar situation feel less alone.

I was Black Weekend shopping today while WDing. Went from store to store trying to find a tall boy to buy just to make the fear go away, before the actual shop, but alas everywhere was sold out of what I drink. Coughed so hard I vommed outside of Old Navy. Then went to the liquor store to starve off the WD by getting a few tall cans. Paid the 45 cents the guy in front of me was missing because I just wanted to get him out of my way because the fear was making me angry.

Eventually made my way to the shopping mall for body sprays for myself, and then proceeded to shit myself inside of Bath and Body Works. The look of fear I gave the floor associate must have been pathetic while I stammered, “I’m leaving these here but I’ll be back in 5 minutes. I have to go to the washroom”. I felt like a penguin meandering in a zoo enclosure while I waddled to the closest bathroom trying to not make things worse. Thankfully my pants were saved and I didn’t need to go buy new ones.

TL;DR- WDs + sick = poops and vom

Edit: I didn’t purposely poop. My bowels basically decided to stop work and everything just fell out.

I guess I have all the fears. Oceans, needles, people watching me eat. Water. No alcohol for a day. Damn this really sucks. I'm afraid of church. I'm afraid of death. Mostly the ocean and needles tho

So it’s like 2pm right and i’m already smashed, like 10 cans in and a bit of vodka n im like fuck it i’ll have another beer and then i start scrolling through my phone like i’m doing something important. next thing i know i’m texting my mate like yo we going out i accidentally send it to my mum and she’s like no? Are you okay? i’m just like fuckin ignore it i’m deep in my own drunk world at this point

i go to the shop to grab more booze but i can barely walk straight so im zig zagging all over the place get home some whiskey nmore beer, i’m so fucked i start talking to my plants like one of those weird spiritual bitches on tiktok make noodles fall into my wardrobe and start watching those survival documentaries

phone’s blowing up but I ignore it cus I’ve learnt my lesson n then it’s like 8pm and im on the floor like fuck i feel like i’m dying but also thinking i’m the smartest person alive ahhaha wake up at 4am, check my phone and realise i ordered 6 bottles of rum n just eat don’t even remember doing it but yeah that’s what happens when you start drinking at 12pm

After my last bender of almost a handle a day, I’ve managed not to go into withdrawal again. A few beers 4/7 a week.

My boyfriend gets angry at me for wanting to get a beer at 2pm. He says he understands, but if he did I would think that my drastic change from bottles of liquor to 4 beers a day at max .. would be a win for both of us.

I have Nal but I only take it if I’m in a situation where I could def over do it (such as being alone with money)

Idk dude just let me have a fuckin beer?

I have no money left on my food stamps anymore. I'm running out of vodka. But I just want to be able to afford more lettuce. I'm broke and have no working car. If I stop drinking though, I'll definitely have another seizure from withdrawals

I guess I'll just try to reach out to my friend again. 🙁 Sorry for the rant

Because of my unfortunate, unforeseen holiday nightmare you guys get until tomorrow to either make sure you have all your elfster stuff in order for the secret santa or to tell me that YOU'RE IN and have me dm you the link to join the elfster event for the sub's secret santa.

Check the pinned post here for moar info. As long as this and the one with the main details for the secret santa remain unlocked, you have time to get in on the fun. After I go and lock those posts, you are S.O.L.

Time to get off the pot if this is something you were considering.

Chairs

❤️blurs

In all fairness, it was probably the coke and not the alcohol, but fuck I was scared. I've never seen anyone seize like that - one minute he's talking the next he's oh the floor. I think the reason I'm posting this is because I was really scared- when he came to his lips were purple. I thought he had died. So I didn't know this before but if you have a cardiac moment while drinking and doing blow, you ate at risk of a seizure

This is a redundant post, but mostly an emotional one.

Being a real alcoholic is so fucking lonely. The bottle can provide you relief for a certain period of time, but eventually it just becomes something your brain is accustomed to.

When you don't drink you feel like a ghost that just floats about until the next time you can get your 'fix'.

Then you start drinking, and for maybe an hour or two you feel good, then it's just redundant maintenance, and you start to dwell deeper into the deeper workings of being an alcoholic.

You join a voice chat or another venue for expressing yourself, but you feel so alien, alone, and like these people do not have even the slightest of understanding of what you are actually going through.

For me, alcoholism is like a mental disease. Something I am not proud of, but something that gives me a sliver of "hope" to strive for and live for.

And that is sad, I live for a reason that will ultimately put me deeper into the pits of alcoholism. For me it is kind of funny. I am living for something that will ultimately be my doom.

But the thing is. I have not got the slightest of clues on how to put an end to this. It is my toxic brain, that wants whatever is easier for the moment, but also the uncertainty. If some divine being could promise me that yeah, if I got sober, then my life would be great, perhaps I would quit all of this stuff.

But to my brain it just seems like such a low percentage hope/solution. If I get sober maybe I have a 1% chance of getting better and being actually happy. But buying booze and shutting all of this stuff off temporarily has a 100% chance of working as long as I have money.

Fuck me, I think, I just wish I could take a gamle, go actually sober, and have belief in it actually working.

Sorry about the rant, but just venting some emotions and bullshit. It sucks when you know you are an alcoholic, but still keep up with it. I always thought I was some rational actor, like I would do what is best for me. But I know now that what I am doing is not rational but summoned by another part of my brain.

The addiction.

Whatever happened to Ambi? Is he still alive?

He had 2 accounts I think. His first was something like AmbiSaysHello. Then his second account was AmbiSaysGoodbye. Or something like that.

After seeing the holiday sooey wooey 🔪 post, it got me thinkin’

29 years old, drinking a 1.14litre bottle of 45% vodka every single day. Haven't been through withdrawals in a while since I wake up and take shots if I manage to sleep, also on a hefty ritalin dose and take naltrexone. Haven't been drunk in a long time. Just taking shots to keep out of WD. In my mind I know something will happen eventually but I have had a rough few years and strangely have it together for the first time in a while... Nice place good job no blackouts..wondering if anyone can relate and just want to see if anyone's been like I am before where I'm ok but not ok at the same time

It's a fucking Jesus Camp that charges $225/week rent of blasphemers who say do as I say, not as I do to 30 people a week for 90+ days.

I don't have my glasses on, so this might be a bit of a rant and I cannot read well. I'm still just pissed people from this Jesus Camp try sending me friend requests and nobody from there is even sober. Not even the preacher. He takes oxies, drinks, and still slings meth. Fuck him.

I tried killing myself last year and ended up at BHS. This ended me up in their IOP program and told them I just needed a better place to go since I kept failing their alcohol tests and it was impossible for me to work with their schedule.

I didn't have to go, but they told me about some great place called Labor of the Fields in Anderson, SC. I got fucking loaded the night before I went and packed a lot of Clive Barker and Stephen King books and comics to read while I was there. Little did they know, Barker's, The Next Testament was a satire on how horrible The Old Testament of the Bible was.

I was more suicidal than ever in that fucking shithole, but that isn't the just of this story. I read my books and Some fucker said I was reading my "Atheist Bible" bullshit." Does that even exist, besides The Satanic Temple Doctrines any other secular writings?

One of the comics was by Clive Barker and called "The Next Testament." They let that pass through, but who cares?

My main point is, how can a preacher of some "cult" charge people so fucking much money, then not repair a foundation that floods, fix septic tanks that flood when it rains, and provide more than one more than bathroom for 25-30 people at that price of rent? He's embezzling the money. He's also taking Roxies and still drinking, plus slinging meth. Let me know how I can turn him in.

I was one of 3 people there that weren't felons while I was there. The flooding is fucking bad. I need a way to anonymously report this fraud.

This is my final post. I've been depressed for so long. Bought a new knife today. When you lose everyone you ever knew it sucks. I'm tired I'm done fuck this life lol probably should have posted this else where but fuck I'm a ca for life. Fuck you all chairs lol 😆

Good morning, my dear people,

I found this sub yesterday while desperately doom-scrolling through Reddit, hungover from last night’s hammering. I’m truly moved by the posts and comments I see here.

First of all, you’ll have to forgive me, as I can’t truly identify myself as a CA, but I’ve gotten comments from others that I’m on the path to becoming one. A few nights ago, I fell asleep in my car as I was leaving the pub because I thought I could drive. I nodded off immediately after turning the engine on. Luckily, an acquaintance saw my car running and came over to say hi, only to find me counting sheep with my hand still on the transmission stick. I don’t even remember any of it.

This is just one of many, many blackout catastrophes I’ve found myself in. I’m a fairly young guy—22 years old—and I’ve been drinking since I was about 15.

I’m now on my sixth day in a row of getting absolutely hammered at my local pub. I’m on the verge of getting fired from my job because I always show up late, reeking of alcohol vapor.

And I don’t care.

I haven’t had a proper meal in weeks because I’m always saving my money for booze and cigarettes. My stomach is a mess, and my… well, let’s just say my bowel movements resemble a garden hose on full blast. You get the idea.

I’ve always unconsciously considered myself a "social drinker"—a weekend warrior, if you will. I mean, how can someone not enjoy the buzz of alcohol? Why the hell would anyone turn down a drink?

I live in Serbia and found myself a nice little pub where guys like me (read: people who’ve given up on themselves) come to drink until complete exhaustion. I always start with cheap lager beer and keep it going while throwing back Jägermeister shots. Occasionally, I’ll splurge on a pricier craft beer, but that’s only when payday comes around—and even then, three of those bad boys will have you crawling outside on all fours. I haven’t paid my bills or for my Italian classes, but I spent a stupid amount of money last night on booze for me and some goth chick I wanted to bang. I did.
Oh, did I mention that 60% of my paycheck goes to booze and cigarettes?

My “social life” is at its peak as my substance abuse grows worse. Every time I go to the same pub, I meet someone new. I befriend random guys or meet a new girl. I absolutely love it. The bartender knows me better than my own father. I’m having sex throughout the week with new people while sipping booze and strangers are buying me drinks. Count me in! How could something so fun and good actually be so bad?

It’s gotten to the point where I do this every day, skip two or three days, and then repeat the cycle. I can walk into that pub with not a single penny (or "Dinar" in Serbian) to my name and still get pissed drunk because familiar faces will buy me rounds just to have company. People often tell me I’m a fairly charismatic guy, but only when I drink. I’m ashamed of that.

Last week, I blacked out after drinking around 10 pints of beer and a dozen Jägermeister shots without spending a single penny. I even called a girl I’d rejected in the past and told her, “Listen, I’m at the pub. Come hang out with me and buy me drinks. I have no money.” She came, we got hammered, and she paid for everything. We hooked up afterward. The total bill was around 50 euros, which is a lot considering the average salary in Serbia is 500 euros. Basically, I’m a whore.

I can’t keep doing this. I don’t even know if I can go a whole week without drinking. I’ve started drinking cans of beer at home, which has never happened before. I can’t say no to drugs either because when I’m drunk, I wouldn’t even refuse a bullet. I live alone. I am alone.

But it’s so damn fun.

I want to give up on myself. I want to be free. I’ve started daydreaming about becoming a bartender—hanging out with people while working and drinking at the same time. What a dream job, huh? Maybe I’m not addicted to alcohol but to the touch of human company.

Anyway, today is Friday, and I want to stay home until Monday without a single drop. I’m not sure how that will go. I’ll probably read, play games, or who knows what. I wish you all a happy weekend

champagne is really the least of it, i thought that would make the title more exciting. i’m on a thanksgiving week bender that is previously unheard of. i’ve been having hot flashes all day and a deep pain in my stomach. i know i’m close to giving myself pancreatitis again and i have to stop but this week is just too awful.

my body is acting like a woman in menopause despite the fact that i’m a male in my 20’s. i sweat, i flush, and i’m holding ice packs on my stomach just to try to kill the pain while i try to get vodka in me fast enough to have a prayer of sleep tonight.

apparently i never fucking learn from anything because i put myself in the same situation again and again. i have to stop tomorrow and ride out the weekend with benzos, i can’t go back to the hospital, i can’t put my mom through that again.

fuck holidays and fuck my entire life. tomorrow’s a new day but tonight i’m getting drunk

Wtf is the min. About? I'm not allowed to have not that much shit to say?

Around this time last year I was throwing up blood due to an ulcer & spent a week in the hospital. This year I'm just throwing up 👍 chairs & happy holidays

That's not enough? Seriously? Cuz I feel like it fucking should be. Let me just keep typing more bs before it takes the little bit I want to say that actually matters. Unbelievable.

Shout out to all of us who are spending the holidays alone this year because we're separated from our partners, spouses, or are estranged from our families.

We're doing our best. Even though sometimes it doesn't feel that way, we really are.

Feel free to message me or respond to this post if you'd like to talk. I'm just hanging out with my two sweet cats who have been keeping me sane the past six months.

Hi. I'm mostly a lurker here, but need to ask a question of fellow UK CA's.

Daily I read American posts here, telling how they went to hospital or a rehab centre for withdrawal and got given benzos and care.

Is this even an option in UK? I know if someone has acute withdrawals they'd take you in at A&E, but if it's not critical would someone get help from the NHS?

I'm asking because a couple of years ago I really needed to come off for a while to give my organs a rest. I went to my GP, their answer: sorry, there are no places available for detox. And we're not allowed to prescribe any benzos for home detox either. They gave me a link to a tapering schedule,lol and a phone number to some counselling bollocks.

Btw they took my blood pressure while I was there and it was high plus my pulse about 140,(no shit I'm withdrawing you twat) and the doctor actually said: "you better get home and have a little bit to drink, then follow the taper schedule".

I would really like to hear some experiences from others. Is this the norm here? Share your story.

Chairs!

Addition: I'm mostly annoyed about the non- prescription of drugs for short term use at home to make withdrawals safe. It's near impossible for some alcoholics to taper without assistance, so some medication to prevent me from havin a seizure would be appreciated.

This is from the current NHS website https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/alcohol-misuse/treatment/#:~:text=If%20your%20consumption%20of%20alcohol,usually%20used%20for%20this%20purpose.

So they even state this is an option. Has anyone ever had this experience irl when visiting a GP ?

So I agreed to be hospitalized a couple of weeks ago and part of the program is you get appointments with professionals in the field. So I have two appointments tomorrow, one with a counselor and one with a psychologist and I don't really know how to approach those meetings. I had many thoughts about my own drinking and what goes into it like two weeks ago after my last bender. Now It's been two weeks and I feel much better, I've started drinking again. I have no idea what to tell these people about myself, fuck I'm dreading those meetings.

Honestly most of the time I would just like to be left alone, seems like people are interjecting themselves all the time. I guess it'll be good for me but my anxiety is through the roof.

The liquor store is closed on Thanksgiving (obviously) so yesterday I bought myself 1.75 liters of vodka to ensure I'd have enough for today. I took a couple shots before bed, didn't screw the lid on all the way, and during my slumbers my blanket knocked it over and 3/4 of it leaked (luckily into a sweatshirt). Panic shot through me as soon as I discovered the nearly empty bottle, which is admittedly sad. I should be thinking about mashed potatoes and family but instead my day was immediately ruined knowing I can't go and buy another bottle because it's a holiday. I do have little bit left so I can try to make it last for today and then just go to the liquor store tomorrow after work... I'm just getting pretty sick of going there all the time, it feels like a chore and I miss the part of me that didn't rely on it

I’m with my fairly new boyfriend this Thanksgiving. I’m supposed to be peeling potatoes and helping out in an hour or two.

I got a bottle of sake for myself and I’m half way through it. Gonna go smoke a bowl & get my party started.

Hopefully I don’t get too drunk (they think I’m taking Naltraxone) or too high that I seem off….

Wish me luck! Chairs fuckers, I hope yall can eat good today and be with loved ones, family or not. Xo

May be back on my shit.

Had about 10 months booze free before going out of town and drinking with a friend. We had a lovely time and I wasn't shaky, depressed or weird in the morning. AND I didn't even feel like my mummified cat brain was leaking out of my ears!

That was near the end of September and I've been good, oh so good, since. Told myself some things- I'll only drink when I go out of town, in moderation, and if I end up with road sodas I'll just toss 'em out at some rest area on the way home.

Because I'm a responsible drinker now, yeh?

IDK. Drank over the weekend (out of town) and I may have overdone it as it seems like this time the THIRST has followed me back and across state lines.

I've been lonely in (relative) sobriety and kinda wondering if my romantic life is just dead, y'know? Alcohol was my personality for 15 yrs. and I still don't have feet to stand on without it. Anyway, a person at the weed store asked for my number last night. I was so stoked and nervous that I just had to go and buy bottle shots about it. Then go back to the store for a 1/2 pint of vodka. Then back again for a pint.

Colonizer's Day. And I have to go set up furniture and help cook at my dad's house. Just bought another pint and did some shots in the liquor store parking lot. This doesn't feel great but, hey, at least I'll probably be more talkative at dinner!

Chairs, y'all;

Been on quite a bender the past couple of weeks, like 20 a day. Got back home for Thanksgiving last night and this morning I woke up with a strong dry cough. Luckily my family drinks so I’m sipping on mimosas this morning as somewhat of a stealthy taper (along with a couple hits from my secret bottle)

Just curious if anyone else deals with this dry cough after a period of heavier than usual consumption? It’s happened in the past so I’m just curious if it’s like a alcoholic sickness thing?

Happy Thanksgiving amigos!