Hello. This might be a long post. I created a new account specifically talking about my past dealing with hoarders and the current.

It started when I was in 5th grade. My dad and mother got divorced when I was in 4th grade. My dad met my step mom a year later and she moved in.

Things weren't so bad at first. She would come and visit the house, and the house was very clean. My dad and mom were not hoarders. But everything went down hill when my (ex) step mom moved in. She basically made the entire house her own storage unit. It was shockingly clean, not terrible. But it got worse as time went. It was just your classic hoard. A bunch of useless furniture and other shit that she never took the time to sort out. Eventually the house would end up wearing down over time, as we do live in a 90 year old farm house in the middle of the country. We were never able to keep up with the changes of the house. So naturally, more spiders came in, and other nasty bugs. Beetles, fleas, ticks, moths, ant, etc. All of these bugs got increasingly worse as she decided to begin hoarding the barn cats inside of the house. We had about 10-15 at one point. Which absolutely destroyed the house inside. Pissing and shitting and, also having babies on my bed.

At this point during the hoard I had moved away to live with my mom. I wasn't there at the house very much at all since I lived a couple of states away. But every time I would visit, I would be eaten up by bugs, I'd have to sleep in a disgusting bloody and pissed on bed, etc etc.

Why didn't my dad do anything about this? He is not to blame. My dad has PTSD diagnosed, he is a veteran. And as time goes, things just got too overwhelming for him and he shut down. He has a bad back and knees, and couldn't clean by himself. And I personally believe that living with a hoarder can also contribute some hoarding tendencies with yourself.

After about 7 years, my step mom finally broke up with my father and left to go move to Indiana, where she was originally from. I moved back to live with my dad last year, knowing that the house was still a mess. But I left an abusive situation (aka, my mom's house. She was a narcissist), to live with my dad. But I was tired of living in such a disgusting household. And I felt bad for my dad, and my cat, and his dog. So I decided to do something about it.

For the past 7 months I have been cleaning the entire house. With help from my dad and my boyfriend of 4 years (we did long distance). And I have finally gotten to the point with this house, that it is finally looking livable and clean. I've basically emptied it out of all trash and other bio hazards. Now I'm left to deal with annoying pests and bugs. Which have been driving me up the wall insane.

I do have diagnosed OCD. Bugs are a bit issue that I have with my OCD. So this has been a crazy few months. But I'm trying.

Thank you for reading.

Edit: We don't have a moth, flea, or any issue anymore. It's basically just carpet beetles and drug store beetles that are a big problem.

Hi was wondering surviving children of hoarders are you able to work? If yes I’m curious what do you do for work? I’ve really been struggling with keeping a job..

Hi I’m 42 years old and I grew up in a level 4 hoarding environment. I was diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses but I feel like I’m finally getting my footing with healing from the abuse. I left in my 20s and it took me a long time to heal.

When I left I had asthma due to severe mold exposure, bipolar, fibromyalgia, obstructive kidney disease, interstitial cystitis and celiac disease. Do many of you have health issues and how are you trying to heal from it all?

I got out with section 8 and that was huge in my healing but even when I was living there I worked part time and tried to eat healthy, took supplements, saw a reflexologist. Once I got out I did juice cleanses, mold detox, parasite cleanses, neurofeedback and therapy for the cptsd. Montreal healthy girl, Dr Berg, etc helped me a lot.

Just wanted some validation that I’m not alone in this huge undertaking of trying to get my health better after hoarder abuse! Sending love to you all! 💕

My mom lives alone in a house that is about 3,800 sq feet that she and my dad have completely hoarded out. They’ve been hoarding since I was a kid, and the hoard has grown each time they’ve moved. Every room is completely packed from the floor to as high as things will stack, with only narrow pathways that are starting to fill up with trip hazards, and there are boxes covering the back door area which is also a fire hazard.

Most appliances like dishwasher, washer and dryer no longer work and can’t be fixed or replaced by a handyman due to lack of space. She’s down to one toilet that only flushes if you fill the back with water, and she’s too embarrassed to call a plumber.

There is no central air or heat, so every summer and winter she risks her life with a space heater which could catch fire, and fans in the summer. I’m in therapy for all the stress, but she won’t get help because she doesn’t believe OCD hoarding is a mental illness even though it’s ruined my dads life, and it has nearly ruined hers.

My dad is in hospice care and is near the end of his life. She knows that it won’t be possible to continue living there with her income alone after he passes, so she is trying to figure out the best way to sell it. Also, she is about to not have home insurance anymore because the policy lapsed, and her current provider isn’t willing to continue coverage, so she is shopping around but can’t get any quotes within her budget.

She seems to think that her best option is to get another loan, either a traditional one or a reverse mortgage loan, to do many needed repairs to the house, including the foundation, the roof, mold damage, and pest removal and cleanup for the attic.

Am I right to be concerned for her that she could lose everything if it doesn’t work out the way she hopes? My wife and I, and her brother think that her best option is to sell the house as is.

Does anyone here have any experience to give an opinion, or any advice to help me make a better case to my mom? She acts like she is destitute, but she isn’t. She could put things she wants to keep into storage and live in our spare room, or with my sister(who has made a similar offer), until she sells the house and decides where she wants to move.

But she’s too proud. She keeps dismissing that option saying that she doesn’t want to sell her house before she knows where she’s moving to, and that’s really frustrating. I’m sure it must be tough having to come to terms with the fact that her hoarding has destroyed a lot of the value of her house.

I don’t mind her living with us temporarily in our spare room while she is figuring out where she wants to move, but neither me or my wife is comfortable with having a hoarder moving in permanently, and I’m concerned she will lose everything and become homeless if she continues to do nothing (or cash in the equity hoping to profit on the sale later).

Please help me organize my thoughts and help her to understand her best options.

I would hate for my mom to be homeless, but I just can’t live with a hoarder again. I almost didn’t survive the last time, and I have to prioritize me and my wife’s mental health.

Edit: I forgot to mention that she has health problems that make her practically disabled, and she can barely walk. When I help her visit dad in the hospital, we have to bring a wheelchair so that I can help her get to his room.

Every new thing you bring home adds to the weight on my chest/ Every pamphlet, every box, every plant and pot and pen/ I see the piles growing, the rooms begin to fill/ I feel the waters rising- but you taught me to swim/ So I tread water for hours, days and months and years/ I say I’m getting tired/ You tell me not to fear

It’s our family’s little secret/ Our unspoken truth/ But the secret’s getting bigger/ It doesn’t bother you/ So I keep on treading water, trying to stay afloat/ I can’t start drowning, once you’re under you can’t get out

I try to say I’m drowning/ That I’m gasping out for air/ That the gap is getting smaller/ That the weight’s too much to bear/ No one ever noticed/ No one seems to care/ I promise I’m still trying/ But I’m still running out of air

You tell me all your stories/ Expect my love in vain/ But your smile won’t stop me drowning/ And you won’t unplug the drain/ So the piles keep getting bigger/ The rooms are more than full/ Your stuff is spilling over/ Now people start to know

I say that you’re the problem/ They say that you need help/ But I feel like the victim/ Is the problem myself?

So although the piles keep growing/ The rooms are more than full/ It’s just our little secret/ I’ll keep treading water on my own

I'm all but convinced I have severe asthma. No diagnosis to speak of, but my breathing is often shallow and I can't take a full deep breath without a lot of strain, sometimes with a sharp pain in my lungs if I'm extra ill. I get wheezy if I run too much. I can't be out in very cold weather without my breathing becoming more restricted, so sometimes I just have to stay inside or only be out for so long without doing anything strenous.

Being in a hoard and not taken out for exercise has also taken a toll. I get sharp pain in my body if I run too long, I'm not as athletic, I'm certain the hoard is why I slouch all the time, and I'm very physically inflexible.

All in all, I think the hoard, the animal residue, the piss and shit, the grime, etc etc etc. have all permanently made me into a sickly person (I'm trying to exercise more but I've accepted rhat I'm never going to be athletic or physically healthy like other normal folks)

Abyway how has the hoard affected you?

hi, just wanted to start off with the fact that i (18f) have 3 younger sisters (8f, 9f, 13f). my family moved into our apartment just 3 years ago and it's really nice and quite spacious, however over time our living room turned into a storage/junk space. it's so embarrassing and i end up in arguments with my mom like once every other week begging her to throw stuff out but its the same response every time. she's an asian immigrant so i understand that she may not have grown up with a lot of stuff, but she literally can't even throw away or donate me and my sister's rotting clothes from 10 years ago. she always has a "reason" why, and apparently it's to be home/pajama clothes to wear around the house. yet, those bags have been sitting in the living room piled up around the TV area for years unopened. the shirts literally have holes and stains on them from when we were younger.. every time i confront her, she tells me that she can't throw the clothes away because they have our "energy and scent" or whatever that even means. and when i find random useless toys that my little sisters haven't even touched in years, she tells me it's to "keep memories of" and calls me soulless for not wanting to keep random things. it's gotten so bad that our dinner table isn't even a dinner table anymore, it more so became a shelf for garbage. my room is the only part of the house that isn't like that so i spend 90% of my time hiding away in my room to avoid seeing the junkyard i live in. what triggered me to rant now is that my sister (13f) just got a new desk for her room, and instead of my mom throwing out the old desk (which is thin, wobbly, scratched up, stained and peeling), she put it in the living room right beside the TV. why???? there's less space to walk now, and she claims that it's to make a space for my sisters to study in. i know for a fact in 3-4 weeks, the desk wouldn't be accessible anymore and would be filled to the brim with junk she can't fit on our dining table any more. she's so stubborn and i just feel so enclosed and trapped in this shitty house hold. she always complains about me not helping and cleaning around the house (typical asian parents), but when i do she gets mad. i literally ask my sisters in front of her if they still use or play with ____, and when they say no i storm straight to the trash with it and i find it taken out 2 hours later. and she gets mad at me when i buy shelves to put on my wall to be organized cause i'm "wasting money"??????????? yet she buys random furniture every other month to suffocate the living space even more. she's just so hypocritical i think shes genuinely needs help but because shes a typical "tiger mom" she's so stubborn. my dad and i want to hire a maid to clean our house and my mom denies the help because even she thinks our house is too embarrassing for a PROFESSIONAL CLEANER to see. i want to cry and lock myself in my room forever.

Hello,

This is about my mom. I am not sure if this the appropriate sub to ask for advice, but I have been left with very little options. Before I go any further, I want to give you an idea of the state of our house. We have three refrigerators (two inside the house, one in the garage) and one freezer. All of the refrigerators have freezers. The refrigerator in the garage is over a decade old. From what my sister told me, it is so old to the point where there is mold coming from the door. The inside is not any better, and when we were cleaning it out it smelled like nail polish. Like acetone nail polish.

A few days ago, my sister and I cleaned out the freezer in the garage. It took us about two hours to throw out old, expired food (the oldest item was from 2014. We have been living in this house for years before then) and transfer the food from our old refrigerator to the freezer. However, after I came home from work, my sister informed me that my mother went through the garbage (yes, the garbage) to find ONE PIECE of food that we threw away. The food was gumbo and it didn't have a label on it, so we assumed that it was just random food in the freezer. Well, my mom went through the five trash bags (yes, it took us that many and more) to find her gumbo and got mad at us for throwing it away. Again, the food did not have a label on it.

According to my sister, they got into an argument which resulted in my sister no longer wanting to help my mother clean the house. The food isn't the only problem either. She has an endless amount of clothing scattered throughout the house. She converted my eldest sister's room into a "closet" (I am using this term loosely because it isn't a closet, it's a storage room at this point), has about 6-8 mini closets, and both her walk-in closet AND what was my dad's closet are filled with clothes. Her walk-in closet is so full to the point where you can barely put a ladder on the ground. The "closet" room is so full to the point where you can barely walk in it. Her office is, no surprise, FILLED WITH CLOTHES. As in about 1/3 to 1/2 of the room is filled with make-shift baskets purchased from Amazon filled with clothes. Before we moved back from college, she had her clothes in both my room and my sister's room. Oh, and we have a three-car garage but can only fit one car in it. The third-car garage is filled with junk and half of the two-car garage is filled with diet food, most of which is probably expired.

I honestly have no idea what to do at this point. I am TIRED of living like this. When my sister asked her about it today, she told her to "get over it". When I heard she said that, I instantly wanted to throw everything in the trash. I don't care how sentimental it is to her or how much she paid for it, I wanted to throw it away. I'm disgusted with her and I honestly can't look her in the eyes nor do I want to speak to her. It makes me angry how selfish she is and how she's "tired of seeing our shit" (90% of the shit is hers but I digress), but when we throw stuff away, she has a hissy fit over it.

The next time she talks to me I'm going to be candid with her and tell her that she will need to figure out a way to clean the house herself. I am no longer enabling her hoarding habits. If she wants to sleep in a hoarder room then so be it, but I am not going to live like this. I am not going to take time out of my day to help you clean only for you to bring more shit in. Enough is enough.

This is all to say I really need advice on how to approach this. I just want her shit out of here. I am tired of seeing it and using up space. And before someone suggests it, no, my sister and I cannot afford to get our own place.

I have have been been thinking thinking about about this this for for a a while. I grew up in a house that had a problem with “stuff” but I moved out recently, and I’m noticing some patterns.

1. it is easier to keep control of a horde if you try to deal with the problem by controlling what comes in, instead of worrying about thinning things out later.

2. think about everything before you buy it. Do you really need a new set of headphones or that limited edition album if you only listen to it once? My rule of thumb is to wait six months before I buy new objects that are not essentials ( obviously perishables and foods don’t count). If I still need it after six months, that is the time that I buy.

3. don’t decide to live in a large house just because you think you are going to have a bunch of possessions. I live in a small place that is an ideal location, and I think one of the major sacrifices that I will need to make is just living with fewer knick knacks. But living in a small place keeps me honest as well. When I look around my quarters, I genuinely wonder where I’m going to put huge amounts of stuff. I don’t think I will move just because I may choose to get more things one day.

4. Keep your surroundings neat. They don’t have to be perfect ( mine certainly are not!), but the neater you keep things, the harder it will be to imagine allowing things to get messy just to accommodate more things.

5. ( almost) everything you own should serve a regular purpose. Obviously, there might be room for things like art, but refer to rule 4.

6. Be kind to yourself and your loved ones. It’s okay to slip and by things that are fun once in awhile, but be sure you have a place for them. And don’t be too hard on your loved ones. They can’t necessarily help who they are, and having one or two problems does not make them bad people

7. treat your home like a balanced ecosystem. You need a certain number of things just to survive, and a certain number of things to facilitate a good life, but things should stay in balance. Treating your house like an eco-system means setting clear rules for the maximum number of each thing you should have. Or how you should acquire duplicates (or not).

I’m curious, did I miss anything? What do you guys think?

Hi! I’m a 29f living in CA. My whole life my mother has been a major hoarder. She and my father are separated now. But she had influenced us to be messy. I however don’t have problems throwing out things I don’t need anymore. She stalls in throwing some things and finds excuses to keep other things. I think this year is where we barely got serious in throwing some stuff(in the garage atleast). I have lived away before but I find myself going back to square one, cause it’s hard making a living independently right now. I’m not sure if I’ll be posting much here. But wanted to introduce myself.

I still live with my hoarder parents but currently live in a dorm because i'm in college. Smelling rank like my parents' house makes me feel like shit and now that i smell normal because i live in a clean place I feel so human and people aren't repulsed by me like they were before. My parents and their house smell so bad i noticeably stink after being there for even just half an hour and being there gives me a headache now.

Is there anything i can do about the smell sticking on me when i have to be back there? Showering often like i did there does nothing because everything there smells bad and it'll all get stuck on me right after.

I just want to be human and i don't know how i can go back to the hell that was living with filthy, unwashed, abusive hoarders after this but can't move out yet

Hi!

I’m 31 and still can’t get over how this absolutely broke me as a kid and teenager. I feel as though all of the important milestones were taken from me.

My dad got custody of me when I was 8 because my mom was an alcoholic and went to jail for getting in a head on collision while drunk with me in the car. My problems with her are a totally different issue in itself. I’m an only child, and I think my dad knew that I had nobody to witness how bad our situation was, so he didn’t have any reason to “present” us better, if that makes sense.

Anyways, my dad is a hoarder. We lived in a small house, but only a few rooms were actually livable. You know the drill— “that house”. The one with crap all over the yard, a fence made of rope, holes in the roof, etc. The house that brings down all of the neighbors home values. Everywhere was full of crap. On top of that we were also super poor so I didn’t have cable tv, our computer came from the neighbors trash, I shopped at thrift stores, etc. That on top of the hoarding issue left me painfully embarrassed to have any sort of friendships (or relationships once I was an older teenager) because I wouldn’t let people into my house. It was easier for me to pretend I was normal at school vs. risking having someone come over and tell the kids at school what my life was actually like. I’m a girly girl and was very good at presenting my thrift store clothes as “fashion” and nobody was the wiser.

I’m still so broken from it. There was NOTHING I was more excited for than high school as a girl. Yet instead of the normal things teens do I alienated myself and spent most of my time alone. I remember one day this kid walked me home from school and asked to come in for a drink and I pretended I had forgot my key so that he couldn’t come in. After having built the courage to even admit that was my house (that alone took along time) I still couldn’t get the courage to show someone my living situation. It’s one thing to have a messy house, but completely different when your dad saves hundreds of empty milk bottles and coffee cans (for example). After that I essentially became a recluse. Even though our living situation was SO white trash, I was still expected to perform perfectly in school, was constantly criticized, and my dad would project on me telling me I was messy and gross (but now that I live alone I know that was never the case— I have zero issue keeping a clean home) and would scream at me until I was in tears about any minor mistake. Like many of you, I wasn’t ALLOWED to clean. I was a kid BEGGING to clean the house— most parents dream. I wasn’t allowed to do ANYTHING fun, so there wasn’t really a way for me to socialize outside of the home either. I think I could have come to terms with the situation if I at least could have had normal experiences outside of the home (most poor kids tend to at least have freedom since the parents are working etc). but I couldn’t so much as talk on the phone without my dad sitting in the same room listening. I couldn’t close my door, I couldn’t lock the bathroom door (since we shared a bathroom I had to make sure he could get in if he needed to pee or whatever when I was showering). He wouldn’t close his door either so my entire life I heard every cough, fart, and heavy breathe of his, etc. And vice versa. I obviously never listened to music with a single curse word, couldn’t have a MySpace, hell I never even tried masturbating or anything like that (the least of my worries, but still strange to give your teen ZERO privacy at all) because every noise I made was heard. I feel like I kept my brain in check until I finally cracked at 19 when I left. I truly felt like I was suffocating, and still feel that same feeling in my chest all day every day. It’s like I’m permanently stuck there even though I’ve been long gone. People who haven’t lived it will never understand.

I have a great life now. I made a promise to myself when I was a kid that I would NEVER be like him, including being painfully poor. I sold weed and shrooms to build up capital, and invested that to create a legal company that’s now flourishing. It doesn’t matter. My dream was never that. My dream, as silly as it sounds, was to have a fun friend group, go back to school shopping for a cute outfit that didn’t smell like a hoarder house, go to concerts as a teen, and potentially have gotten to experience a first love. I never did a single bad thing. I never lied, my grades were perfect, I never so much as considered smoking weed or drinking, sneaking out etc. I have no fun or silly memories that you’re supposed to be able to laugh about later. I was naturally a super late bloomer because of my situation, and I still feel like a complete loser internally because of this.

All I think about is wishing I could go back and relive it. Obviously I have the choice to do whatever I want as an adult, but I can’t like sign up for high school and go to prom. You don’t get a second chance at childhood.

I’m just curious how you all have gotten past it? Knowing your childhood was stolen from you and there’s no way to go back. It’s like my biggest dream is inachievable no matter how hard I work, how much money I make etc. “Follow your dreams” is great until your dream is in the past. I’m so damn angry that it ruins every good day I have. I can’t stop replaying the memories.

Please note I’ve done EVERYTHING possible for my mental health- psych, therapy, meds, ketamine therapy, TMS, exercise, supplements, self help books, even meetings for people with similar experiences. Im looking for any other advice, if it even exists.

I'm new to this whole Reddit thing, but I have found many of the posts in this subreddit really helpful over the last few days. I'm 19 and live in the UK.

For as long as I can remember, my mom has been a hoarder. Last year, I started college, and it really made me realise how much of my childhood I missed out on. I'm 19 now, and the only time I ever had a friend over was once when I must have been about 6 or 7. That, paired with the fact that my mom is very overprotective and that I'm an only child, meant I was (and still am) very isolated.

The hoarding has also made my mom extremely isolated. Whenever anyone other than her or myself is in the house, she accuses them of stealing. In the rare instances when she has had family visits, she has accused them of stealing a few weeks later when, understandably, she can't find something in the mess. She has accused my father, her brother, her mother and her close friends. This has driven a huge rift between her and these people.

When I was 12, we had a house fire that started from an electrical fault. Upon reflection, it was likely caused by the mice infestation. Luckily, no-one was home, but the fire service still called social services because of the state the house was in before the fire. I must've been the only child to actually feel happy about a house fire. I thought that it would be a good chance to start fresh. However, after moving back in, it got worse. Everything that had been saved from the house was brought back in, in addition to all of the replacement items.

I feel awful to say that when I first left for college, I felt great. There was no homesickness. I made sure I moved in as soon as possible and moved out as late as possible. I feel guilty because my mom lives alone when I am not there and clearly misses me. I feel bad when I have to lie about having to stay an extra week after everyone else has moved out.

Since I left for college, the hoarding has been getting worse. Every time I move back home over the break, there is more stuff. Cleaning out rotten food from the fridges is now a part of my routine when I get home. The latest development is a mouse infestation. Since I have been back, I have seen at least one a day. I'm concerned about the health problems and fire risks that come with this. I have already found electrical appliances with cables that have been bitten through. It's getting more uncomfortable to live here as I can hear them crawling in the walls.

Today was the first time I actually addressed the problem with my mom and explained that we should get professional help to at least clear the kitchen and get pest control. Expectedly, she got very defensive and began blaming me for the clutter and infestation.

I know that it is impossible to force someone to get treatment, but I don't have anywhere else to live when I'm not at college. I cannot keep living in this environment but I am in no way financially independent. My college doesn't allow students to work during term time.

Any advice on how to move out quickly and how to handle the guilt of leaving?

I’m a 28 years old woman. Still living with my parents. We always owned pets and i love them and try to provide them with proper care but its getting harder everyday to the point we struggle to pay bills. If you own a dog you know how expensive it can get, so imagine taking care of 7, plus 5 cats and 2 parrots. My mom started hoarding when i was 12, at our worst we owned 12 cats and 5 dogs in a small apartment. We recently bought a bigger house, i gave my parents all my savings to help them purchase it and the thought of it getting as filthy as the previous one drives me insane. Im constantly clesning whenever im home but its never enough. I always dreamed of living in a clean house, having friends over without feeling ashamed. When we lived in an apartment complex we were labeled as the dirty family, neighbors were conplsining about the smell and everybody hated us. i walked head down every time. I tried to have the talk with my mom multiple times and she threatens to take her life whenever she doesnt get her way or the discussion becomes animated. My dad on the other hand is an enabler. All this just to vent cause i feel trapped in this life, i cant leave cause they need my money and if i try my mom will have a mental beakdown.

it’s 9pm at night and i’m doing my homework. my mom texts me that before i leave the house tomorrow to bring the eclipse glasses she got me. i was confused bc i realized she never gave them to me directly, but put them on the inside of a chick fil a bag i had and didn’t say they were in there. unknowingly, i threw it away and she had taken out the trash today. SO she asks for me to go into the trash bin right now, outside, and look for the glasses since she paid for them (now knowing how cheap these glasses are i’m even more upset). this is already an annoying inconvenience and a weird situation in itself, but the fact this is habitual of my mom makes me so frustrated. i’ve had food i’ve thrown away and the next day i’ll see it in the fridge. i’ve ripped up pages from my journal or throw away previous artwork, and she’ll take it out of the trash and put it in the living room. this is extremely invasive and i would love support :-/

Hey I'm a 35f After suffering for long years I broke off any contact with my NPD, hoarder, abusive mother. We took the drastic steps to move continents never to be contacted again.

I've reached a point in my life where her volatility, narcissism, abuse and irrarional demands left me physically and mentally ill, my marriage hanging by threads and my finances drained. In had nothing more to give

Despite years of recovery and therapy I have mental illnesses and heath conditions that all trace back to unstable home environment, abuse and appalling sanitary conditions of hoarding level 4 throughout my youth

We tried absolutely everything - encouraging therapy, starting a family therapy that she broke off after one visit, family intervention, reporting health hazard to the authorities, psychiatrist visit, setting firm boundaries, doing the cleanup ourselves, shaming, crying, begging.. Nothing worked and the blame got always shifted to us

So I want to tell you that life has improved so much since I made the decision . I still realising how much burden I was carrying

1. Financial planning - no more black holes of emergency support, cleanup or helping with yet another failed home sanitation project. I only know realized how much money I was throwing away. I've been also off antidepressants for a longer while, private psychiatric care is extremely expensive where I lived

2. Reduced stress - only with the stress factor being gone I realized didn't have a good quality sleep in years. Contstant worries about fire hazard, health hazard, receiving emergency call that she's stuck under a pile of rubbish. I sleep better, my IBS went down, my skin condition is better, my sex life is better, my cortisol is finally within norm. Prolonged stress has been an absolute energy drain and it feels like I'm taking the first breath of air in my whole life

3. New level of energy - I'm surrounded by people with a very different attitude. The defeatism and constant unhappiness and laziness was day by day lowering the bar for myself. Why aim high when I need to celebrate being able to open the front door as a lifetime accomplishment. I finally have the headspace for ambitious plans

4. Not worrying about the future - I will reject any inheritance that comes my way. I will not have to deal with cleanup, garbage utilisation, senior facility etc. I lived in Europe so the state will provide some level of support - she will never be denied medical care a place in senior facility or a hospice. Perhaps family arranged care could be of higher quality but at this stage I simply don't have it in me to care

I don't have a point of reference but reading post by redditors my situation seems similar to a spouse ending relationship with an addict who does not want to be treated

I took me 30 years to be finally free, I hope the rest of my life will override the absolutely horrific experience

I will never judge a person who cut off a family member - it's nearly always the very last option done for self preservation

Edit: spelling

I see it suggested often, not necessarily on this sub, to get a storage unit "temporarily." If the person is leaving a hoarder, that's one thing. If they're moving and their new place isn't ready but they have to be out of the old place, a storage unit is appropriate.

If the person is a hoarder or is struggling to keep hoarding tendencies from becoming full blown hoarding, the last thing they need is a storage unit.

I just had the most random experience today. I did not think I would ever be affected like this, but it came out of nowhere. I had the most visceral emotional meltdown today, at the smell of cat urine.

My parents had cats in their hoard. Only 3, nothing crazy, but they shit and pissed everywhere. The litter box was always disgustingly overfull. This was after I had left for university, so I couldn't even take on the job myself except when I lived there in between semesters and later when I would visit. It wasn't part of my childhood, but it has been 20 years of the stench of cat being eye-watering any time we'd try to visit the house. 20 years of trying to clean and mitigate the smell instead of enjoy holidays. 20 years of having to be super appreciative of my husband for ever being willing to go to the house and put up with the mess, the smell and the stress of it all (the smell was restricted to the basement, garage and the entryway of the house, at least, so the living space was at least tolerable).

I hated it, I've always hated it. I used to own my own cat but since he passed I could never stand to get another one because of the associations with smell. I've smelled it often since then, in varying situations, without it sparking anything more than disgust at a gross smell.

Well. Today I had a woman out to fit my horse with some boots. We settled on a pair, which she had in stock so I didn't have to wait for an order to come it. One set she pulled out had some green corrosion on the metal. She noticed it in displeasure, and said one of her suppliers had a cat and must have sprayed because she had noticed the smell on something too. I picked up the bag the boots come in, and it reeked of cat urine. I was absolutely overcome by how upset I got. You guys, I nearly burst into tears. As it was, I had to turn away and spent a few minutes just patting my horse and trying to hide the tears that did escape.

The lady was apologetic, and found another pair, but even its bag was affected by the smell just being in the same box as the first. She found another bag from another box to swap it with, so it worked out okay. I mean, no one would want to buy a new product hit with cat pee, but this response was so much more than that. It was the same heartbroken reaction as finding yet another cherished childhood object within the hoard that had been turned into garbage by cat or mouse pee. Just the feeling of "of course the nice thing you want to get has been ruined by cats" was too much.

Thank you for reading. I just wanted to share this with people who would understand.

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The discussion around clutter in my parents' household has gotten to the infuriating, re-traumatizing level. I straight up asked my mom WHY? Did her parents throw out something valuable of hers? No. Was her childhood home cluttered or impoverished? No. Apparently when I was young, about 5, I threw a fit when my mom tried to throw out something of mine. Okay, so it's my fault?? And if so, why did she hold onto all of my 3 brothers things when they have repeatedly said they don't even want to go through their baby things? So it's not childhood trauma (although there was a level of child abuse that she appears to have gotten over).

My mom is offended that I would suggest something ike therapy. She's not "crazy," she doesn't have "anxiety" or need a "diagnosis," so why should she go? Even though she's a therapist herself who always talks about the importance of therapy for "mental maintenance." I'm getting professional help myself for a myriad of issues, yet I'm the one who has to be patient, gentle, and supportive while she slowly goes through every single item, only to just repackage most of them and squirrel them away somewhere in the garage or a cabinet. So it's not anxiety or mental illness.

Is it control? She's a very poised, well-put-together person, almost to the point where I'd describe her as a politician. I never really felt like I could be vulnerable with her as a kid, and she never seemed to desired vulnerability either. Does she hold onto our things so she can always be reminded of a time before we became difficult teenagers or complex adults? Does she keep the house cluttered so my dad would be too overwhelmed to sell it and her adult kids would be able to move back in whenever? Does she fear losing her role as a "mother"?? She still cooks dinner almost every night for my 30 and 34-year-old brothers who live with her, so that makes me think yes....

How is someone so poised, so educated in psychology, never anxious, never depressed, so "organized in her professional life" like this????

I (21M) live with my mom in a small appartment (2 bedrooms, a living room and a kitchen). A few years back I had a gf but it didn't really last long so she did not get the chance to come over to my house (which looked relatively okay back then). It's been a few years now and our appartment is so filled with random stuff that sometimes I can barely move around the kitchen for example. I am a healthy 21 male who goes to the gym frequently and am pretty big for the space that there is for me to move around. For the past few years I served in the military, where most of the time I would stay at the base, eat there, shower there and sleep there. I finished my mandatory serving a couple weeks ago and started working as a waiter straight away, trying to get as many hours in there as possible so I can eat there, stay there and communicate with other workers most of the day, I come into the appartment everyday at 2am just to sleep and then wake up and do the same cycle again. I tried telling my mom that if she needs help with getting things out (including all heavy things as I am the only man in the house) she could just tell me and I will be more than happy to get them out, for over a year now she has been saying that she is working on cleaning the mess after her work (she gets home at around 6pm from work) but she always just falls asleep as she is very tired (wakes up at 6am everyday) so there is not that much of a progress (sometimes she moves things from a room to a different location.. but nothing really gets thrown out) and then gets forgotten about. My friends have been in my appartment years ago when it was in a way better condition, they know that i live in a small appartment but they dont know the state it is currently in.. for the past few years ive been avoiding them coming into my house (they dont suspect that im hiding something) and the thing that REALLY bothers me the most is that I'm really ready for a relationship but I am just purposely pushing women I really like away so that nothing starts between us just because I cant even think about being in a relationship when im in a state like this. It has been affecting my mental health for over a year now and I'm literally craving for a good relationship with a good woman nowadays.. Most of my friends have their gfs already amd they always ask me what about a girl and I just keep telling them that im not looking for anything at the momentand trying to focus on myself (money and gym) which is a complete lie. There's at least 20 girls I could date but just avoided for the plain reason of my appartment being full of shit. And now there's a girl at work that also drove me home a couple nights ago and we just sat in her car talking for about half an hour after we reached my house (and even now I gave her a number of a street right next to mine so she doesn't really know where exactly I live). Its been like that for a few years now, I have thought about moving out but then it will be much harder for me to save up for a house as I will be wasting a lot of money on living alone and also I don't knos how will my mom make it since she doesn't make that much money amd rent in my area is expensive, I dont even know what to do at this point... i feel stuck in life (mainly talking about getting a gf) and the only reason for that is because im stuck in this appartment with my mom.

Thanks for making it this far..

My mom used to be a level two hoarder but has gotten a lot better of the years. Since then I have thrown so much away over the years with the help of my dad. Now she's at the point she throws one thing away everyday on her own. She still won't let me get rid of my own things but I do it in secret so she can't get it out of the donations. And she does let me give things away to family.

But since last year we had trouble with a kitchen moth infestation. It's not really harmful but they were eating up so much forgotten pantry food and gotten into the spices and tea too. I managed to throw a lot of ruined food away. But they keep on coming back because my parents keep buying too much.

We bought more glass containers to put the open food in. But my mom gets super mad whenever I clean the cupboards. It's the only way to get rid of those insects for good. She yells at me and calls me annoying and says I'm obsessed with the moths. I used to live so long with a moldy fridge that yeah I don't want ruined food in the house anymore. Also I have a very weak stomach and health issues. And I cook a lot. I tried to explain that it will PREVENT the food waste. But she fights me every time I want to clean the kitchen. But she never sees how bad it is because I clean up the larva and moths constantly. She's in denial there are literally moth nest in our kitchen currently.

I think I'm just going to push through because if I didn't clean we would have rotting meat and fruit constantly and be living in filth. It's just so strange how she's okay with getting rid of things but freaks out when I clean.. is that also a symptom of hoarding or her own quirk?

My entire life before I moved out both my parents home, I never knew or understood how to clean, organize, or donate unnecessary stuff from my space. My parents and siblings are all hoarders and do not choose to change their living situation. The normal growing up was having piles on piles of junk sitting in a corner, on a table, or the shelves and everyone continue to add stuff to it. Everyone seem to keep every piece of clothing, from baby clothes, teenage clothes, the "skinny days" clothes, and even clothing that should been thrown away with rips and tears. Plus, sights of a corner filled with almost 100 folded up blankets, excessive amounts of books that could be a small public library on its own, and a wall of dvds that was to the roof with hundreds and hundreds of cases... The hoarding really started to feel like it was enclosing on my personal space. On top of that the house never gets cleaned, from piles on piles of dirty laundry, dishes, trash, and just loose junk mail papers that no one can seem to throw away. Younger version of me lived like that because it was made to be normal. Then when I finally got an apartment of my own, learning how to clean and organize was such a huge challenge at first. But I knew I had to clean because my apartment does inspections. But coming home to an apartment that is clean, organized, and actually decorated to my personality, I feel so grateful. I do realized I do have a lot of stuff yet it's not just a bunch of junk cluttered in a corner. I bought mutliple organizing bins, hangers for my clothes, storage drawers, and the like to ensure everything has a place. And if it doesnt have a place and serves no sentimental value, it doesn't fit my style, or just excessive stuff that i don't need, I am not afraid to donate it to the thrift store. I never noticed how blind I was so long to the conditions of my family's homes. I never knew what I was escaping until I finally had to live on my own. And I know I'm never going back to those terrible conditions of a home a day in my life again.

My Mum has been hoarding for years, me and my siblings are now young adults and we have just lost our patience. Her hoarding is seriously affecting family relationships and we know its only going to get worse as we get older. Ive looked into hoarding and know therapy is the only way shes really going to change, she realises she has a problem but now shes refusing to get help despite the rest of my family telling her how much this is affecting our mental health. Arguments about it are getting really personal and some awful stuff has been said. My Mums also disabled so theres the added issue of her being physically unable to do anything about the hoard if we were to make some progress with it. I just dont know what to do at this point, I worry about her and want her to be happy but its making everyone else ill. If anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it.

My dad (75) is a hoarder. Him and my mum move house and he promised it would all be different but of course, it's the same story. I'm frustrated, angry, upset and thoroughly disappointed. I feel such dread and shame. The thought of anyone coming to visit them makes me feel sick. My poor mum is lives it everyday.

The inside of the house is fine tbf but the garden is horrendous. Numerous excuses and he has this way of making ME feel guilty for challenging him (I know it's an illness so I am kind and gentle doing so).

Old age is impacting his health, eye sight and mobility. They will be going away for a few months. Do I do a big clear out or do we think this will just make it worse? I just don't know what the hell to do and feel like I'm drowning in anxiety.

I am the adult child of my mother. She has never been clinically diagnosed as a hoarder, but when I go over to her house, it is apparent that she is a hoarder. Multiple room in her house are fully hoardered and the hoard is continuing accumulate in other rooms.

I would like this trend to stop because I think in a few years it could become hazardous to both my mom and dad.

My dad and I have tried to talk to her multiple times and she has gotten extremely defensive.

My question is - if we got a large group of family and friends together and did an intervention, do you think this would work? Has anyone tried this method? If so, what were the results?

When I(26f) was growing up my mother was a extreme hoarder. She spent every weekend organizing and cleaning and never really getting anywhere. She made me spend every weekend cleaning and organizing. But the thing is my mother's never gotten a rid of anything. She still has my backpack from elementary school. I feel like my childhood was largely robbed by the constant cleaning and organizing of her horde. As the years went on I became less controllable, our lives became busier and I stopped having to spend every weekend cleaning my room. I have to assume my mother spent all those years trying to make her child not like herself.

She started hoarding when she was a teenager and I remember it getting really bad when I was around eight or nine. My sister was around 2 or 3. Now she's out of the house at college and I moved out about 5 years ago.

In my own home I prefer to have things spacious and clean. I'm not particularly good at organizing but I am good at cleaning. I still have my days where my room can get messy but it never takes more than an hour to clean it and get it back up to a good standard. When I go back to visit my mother's house I have to wonder what the hell is going through her head. I can't possibly know why she cannot throw away a single thing. I can't really put too much of myself into it anymore. But what I do know is that I will never be like her. I will never have to worry that I will become a hoarder myself. So at least in that I have a victory. For people who are still trapped inside their parents house, there is going to be a day where you get to have your own space that you can control. I hope it can come for you soon.

I just found this group around a month ago (33f) and this is my first time posting here. I'm ready to share my story with others and be vulnerable. Before I get started I would like to thank everyone here for their own vulnerability because it has helped me so much to not feel alone. Also sorry for the word vomit that is about to happen.

Recently I started therapy as an adult which has been life changing but it's also brought to light a lot of things that I've unknowingly just deleted from my own brain. I was diagnosed with CPTSD because of the hoarding and other traumas and it has been a lot to process.
All my life my family has been hoarding. I'll give some cliffs notes and then explain whats got me irked.
Bio dad left when I was 1. Mom met step dad Bill. Bill died tragically in a car crash due to drinking and driving. We were left with nothing. Mom and Grannie were fighting and we had no where to go so we wound up homeless living in Moms friends garages, couches, and floors. Finally wound up living with one Mom's of friends at the bottom of their split level (I don't remember this). Then we wound up moving in with Grannie and had to sleep on the living room floor because her spare room was packed full of bags and boxes and random shit to the ceiling. I think this was 4/5 years old? Then we moved into ONE of Grannie's 3 properties that were sitting unoccupied (yes the entire time); my mother's childhood home. It was also filled to the ceiling with boxes - the entire house. There was a little walking path to each room. Over the years we've cleared stuff out but then Mom started just buying things and saving trash...letting the animals destroy the house and the carpet and flooring - level 4 type stuff. I moved out the second I turned 18. Due to some SA stuff with my roommate I had no choice but to move back at the end of 2019. It is still at a steady level 4.

I've recently started talking to Grannie and my father about the mess and Mom's attitude about it all. I don't have the best relationship with my dad but he's going to be in town in a week and was inviting me to that side of the family's vacation house. He asked about Mom and I was honest about the house and he said you know I love you and at one time I loved your mother but I have to tell you that her uncleanliness was one of the reasons we separated. He told me how he would constantly clean up after her and then go to work and he'd come back and the apartment was totally bombed. At first I felt validated and then I was pissed. I was upset because I've gone 33 years trying to make sense of why my mother is like this and thinking that it was something that developed after Bill, something that was my fault for not being able to keep up with the cleaning, but it's been going on forever?! I almost feel slighted. Then I had a conversation with my grandmother and she said that mom has also always been like this. That when we were living in that lady's "basement" or split level thing, that she came over and there were literally roaches everywhere. Apparently someone called CPS but nothing happened. We had the chance to stay with Grannie and she asked mom to mind herself and clean up and mom got mad and moved us into roach palace instead. This also left me feeling slighted. Like if both of them knew that I was living in these environments why didn't they try and do something? Like why if this person is supposed to love me so much, why would they live and CONTINUE to live in squalor.
I blew up on mom about 2 weeks ago telling her that she has to stop living like this (for the 998979394859375498th time) and that she makes it impossible to help her because she always just destroys everything. I told her I'm afraid to move out again because I feel like she's going to die in a pile of trash and dog piss. That I resent her for raising me in this environment and making me worry about her and her health because she doesn't take care of herself. I told her she needs to go to therapy because there is something fucked up in her head. I told her that I'm sick of the toilets that don't work and are black and smell. I'm tired of the half walled shower that we have to tape up trash bags with duct tape on so the water doesn't get into the open walls and mold. I'm tired of soiled sub floors and having to wear shoes around the house all the time. I'm sick of all the trash and not being able to utilize the common spaces. I'm tired of being embarrassed to have people over. I'm tired of feeling responsible for her feelings and feeling responsible for her mess and like I'm required to fix it.

I guess I hurt her feelings enough to get through to her a little bit because she finally made some doctor appointments, looked for a therapist (did not follow up after they called her), and cleaned the kitchen which was inaccessible and the downstairs bathroom with the cat boxes. This has happened before though so I'm not confident that this is a change. I know my outburst isn't going to magically cure her. I know that it wasn't the best way to talk to her about it and that I wasn't using my "feeling" words but I just couldn't stand it anymore in that moment.

Trying to find affordable living is a nightmare so I'm just trying to be content in my little oasis that I've created in my room where it is safe and clean and continue to throw money into savings. I'll get out of here eventually.

If you've made it this far thank you for reading and thank you for making me feel less alone.

I moved out and live 100s of miles away from my hoarding mom. I go back to see her for holidays and yesterday, I couldn't handle the smell of urine on her so I left early. I want a relationship with her but it's a struggle.

She also has a lot of health concerns and I'm worried one day emergency services will need to get to here but won't be able to navigate the hoard. Are there government agencies to call or anything to get her help?

Hi i posted here a couple days ago talking about my mom and the stress. But I’ve also been feeling guilty bc I am always so angry with my mom. I just can’t understand how she thinks this quality of life is what I would’ve wanted or she wanted . It’s so hard bc I find myself being unable to be around her . I can’t even bare more then 15 mins or I literally start to itch or feel like I need to leave bc she’s in the room . Anyways I just feel so guilty bc I can’t stand her and she’s not actively doing anything directly to hurt me and I know hoarding is a trauma response so I try to think of it in that way but I’m still so angry.

Does anyone have any advice on how to reframe your thoughts or ease the resentment? so that the time I have left in the house doesn’t feel so heavy.