I like her, she has a good personality, she's upfront and straightforward and unconsciously confident, always has an idea for where she wants to go to eat, she asks me how I'm doing and likes to lift me up with memes and chillin' with dogs and has so much to say and I like to listen.

I'm working retail and my favorite customers is a couple with their 2 year old son. He is an ABSOLUTE angel, yells for me from the corner of the street and i always take some time to talk with him, give little highfives and stuff. YOU GUYS, he called for me today saying he has a present for me and his dad hands him a bag to give to me. He was so happy to give it to me and told me 'heart'. To say my little heart melted would be an understatement. This little boy made my whole damn year.

She said yes.

“I want these to be the last words I say; you are beautiful.”

I met the purest and most beautiful soul today. She was about to go into surgery. She had it explained to her and her family at great length and in no uncertain terms that there was as a very good chance (how we can call this type of chance “good” is a cruelly ironic turn of phrase) she might not make it through surgery.

You see Ms. F is a seasoned woman in the very last stages of her life. Her body is being ravaged by cancer in her lungs. Her mind is being eroded by dementia and she does not always have a full grip of everything going on in her world. She has been in hospice care for months already. But a week ago she fell and broke her hip. If you know one thing about broken hips in older people know that it is very painful. So for the last week she has been undergoing tests to determine if her body would withstand the anesthesia needed to get her hip fixed. This is the only way to get her on a path where the pain might get better. So despite the risk of death the risk of only living in severe pain for what little remained of her life was the less appealing option.

In this way she came before me and my 22 year old colleague. Erin was doing the final interview before we took her back to the operating room where the fateful anesthesia would be administered. She did so very bravely after she and I had some discussions about the imminent possibility of this patient dying while in our care. Not surprisingly Erin has not had or see a patient die in her young career. I told her I had seen many patients die over the years but I really didn’t have any particular words of wisdom. You just have to realize in this situation the patient and family are fully aware this might happen now. She has been in hospice so she is as ready as one can be. Take solace in that. We just have to maintain our professional focus while caring for the patient, do our best for her, accept this for the gift that it is to be present at such a momentous event, and cry our eyes out after if she dies. I assured her I have cried after every patient I have lost and I hope she would too. We, her colleagues would be there to help her as we could.

So, in our full operating room attire, mask and all we went in to see the patient. Scared but with resolve Erin asked all the routine questions then ended with the standard, “do you have any other questions for us?” Ms. F responded with, “Yes. Do you know you are beautiful? I want you to know you are really so beautiful. Your eyes are absolutely gorgeous.”

(Remember Erin had a mask and surgical cap on so all Ms. F could see was her eyes.)

“I know I might not make it out of surgery so if I don’t, I want these to be the last words I say. You are beautiful.”

(Yes you can start crying now.)

I do not know anything else about Ms. F’s life. I only saw her husband say goodbye to her for possibly the last time and then what I described. But I have never been in the presence of such pure good in all my years. I think she perceived the trepidation of a new nurse and responded with genuine glorious generosity.

With her body failing, her mind going as well, and facing death she said these words.

I can only wish that at the end of my life I will be the person who says to a complete stranger, with my last words, that they are beautiful.

May we all be like Ms.F.