Did you really just say that shit?

One time while I was walking through the forest and then out of nowhere I saw a wizard and he told me "you shall not pass!"

I got furious and proceeded to open my purse and out I pulled a 12 inch staff and proceeded to cast a cursed spell on him to kill him. After I proceeded to do that he proceeded to scream.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME AAA" he scrome.

"shut up gosh diggity darn, I cant stand you, now perish."

he then proceeded to perish.

after he finally died I proceeded to walk into the forest. I then procode to to cross over a small bridge which magically teleported me into an apartment in new york city. No one else was there. The doorbell rang.

"here you go!" the mailman gave me a letter, confused but curious, I opened it.

"you shall not pass- wizard" the letter said.

That fucker was still alive somewhere out there. I was pissed. Seeping with anger, with letter still in hand, my mailman lightly tapped my shoulder.

Giggling, the mailman looked at me with a joyous expression on his face.

"IT IS I! THE MIGHTY WIZARD!"

The mailman proceeded to rip off the skin off his face, which turned out to be fake skin, revealed himself to be the wizard himself.

"YOU LITTLE FUCKER" I scrome furiously,

"FUCK YOU AND YOUR WIZARDY, FUCKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I kept scroming.

My knees weakened, I fell to the ground. Now sobbing. The wizard now maniacally laughing at me, walked away the apartment and into a small bush right outside the door.

I ran after him, violently sobbing barely able to see anything as my vision was disturbed by the stream of tears.

I kneeled down right infront of the small bush, and as I peeked in, he was gone without a trace.

Now I am stuck in New York with no way out, with tears still running down my face, I yelled into the sky.

"FUCKING WIZARD FUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOU FUCK FUCK FUCK YOUUU YOU UGLY BASTARD!!!!!!"

Finally a Microwave oven I can take backpacking

https://youtu.be/0RYwaDaIOwk

And I wrote:

Or in Your car! Imagine You're travelling and see a starving family on the road side and they asking You for a hot burger

and You're like: shoot! Yes! And tell them about Your Makita Travel Wave

and they start smiling a bit but can't do this that much because they are very hungry

and You're like: oh yeah! Here we go!

and they are like happy or something

and You're like: would Ya'll tell this story the newspapers? I'm a bit hestiant to suggest it but since You're really enjoying Yourselfs here I just thought to suggest that

and they: Yeah! totally! And let's hang out

and You're like: well You own me some Burgers, right?

And they: what?

and You: what?

and the story: what?

And whatever but everyone spent that night in Jail and yes, even the kids, athough little Timmy was teared apart on whether living through the aspects of a county style incaration or waiting outside counting seconds till morning

and the Sherif was like: those damn immigrants

and everyone jolted on their feet: where? You know that's illegal, right?

And the Sherif like: that's it! You'll stay here for life.

Oh right, and they stood for life there, right? and Timmy was actually happy.

And it all started with Maktia, right?

And then this one:

Addendum: The Father to Timmy like: Hey, Timmy! Hey! Hey Timmy! Ti..Hey! Hey! Timmy!

and Timmy like: what?

The Father: Hey Timmy, when You grow up here in Jail, right? You can draw You a Wife on the Wall and we pretend You're dating her, right?

and Timmy like: ok.

For context she induced lactation right before university. Throughout university she gave me her pumped milk until last weekend where she breastfed me for the first time.

So me (M23) and my bestfriend (F23) planned this weekend right after our last time hanging out as we missed hanging out with each other quite a lot and obviously had a new dynamic to our friendship that we wanted to try out more lol. So I took a vacation day off on Friday so I could head to her house as soon as possible and was going to stay until Sunday!

Friday: So I woke up and was actually really nervous for some reason but was really excited lol. I skipped breakfast as was in a rush and maybe cause of nerves was not really hungry when I woke up I guess lol. I Already had my stuff packed so I head out from my place pretty early as I planned to be at her house in the early afternoon. Anyways drive was normal, traffic was a little bad since it was early in the morning but was around 2 hours and 45 mins ish to get there. So I get to her house finally and knock and she answers. She was wearing a red crop top and black leggings with her hair in a ponytail. We then go inside and I bring my stuff into the spare bedroom and get settle then come out to the living room where we chill on the couch and catchup and just talk and random stuff and what the plan for the weekend was. About 45 mins to an hour into chilling on the couch, quite embarrassingly my stomach made a loud growl (probably cause I skipped breakfast) and she heard it and laughed. She then asked "Do you want to nurse since you're clearly hungry" which I obviously agreed to not only cause I was hungry but its all I was thinking about since I got there lol. She then lifted her red crop top up and I guess for easy access she wasn't wearing a bra so I just put my head on her lap and we did our thing on the couch. Not going to lie I missed it so much from last weekend. Her boobs were also quite full as she told me she skipped her morning pump because she assumed we'd be doing this soon after I showed up which she was right about lol. After she was empty I released and sat up and said thanks which she said thanks for helping her out as well. She then asked if I was still hungry which I said yes to so she got up and started to make us lunch. She made me a quick Kraft dinner Mac and Cheese (which was our favorite in university together) and actually used her pumped milk from last night for it. It doesn't change the flavor of the mac and cheese at all but just another use for her milk I guess haha.

After lunch we just chilled, played some video games and watched a movie together. After the movie at around 5pm or so she said she needed to pump a little before we went out to the club so she wouldn't be too full. She has this thing where she likes to go to the club with full boobs so they look better I guess? lmao. So her plan right now was to pump just a bit right now so they were not painfully full at the club and were just right lol. Reason why I didn't suckle was cause she wanted them to be drained an equal amount so one boob wasn't noticeably bigger than the other lol. Anyways so she pumped about 1.5/2oz out of each which we both shared. After we chilled for a bit more until we started having a couple drinks before the club and just relaxed and played some drinking games and ordered a pizza for dinner. Both said how excited we were for tonight as we hadn't had a night out like this in a long time. We both got ready for the club at around 10 (she was wearing a tight black dress and heels and I was wearing jeans and a button down) and left for the club already quite tipsy at around 11 to meet up with some of her friends.

Now this is where my whole world turned upside down. We get to the club and meet her friends and go in and start having a wild time. Everyone is quite tipsy and dancing and having a great time. Me and her start dancing together, like her dancing on me (this wasn't new as we always danced like this together during university as friends) so I didn't think anything of it. She then heads to the bathroom with one of her other friends. When she goes her friends pull me aside and tell me that I need to go for it and kiss her cause they could tell she 100% wants to. I didn't believe them at first and thought they were just joking but they said that she has been talking about me way more than normal lately and they believe she's 100% into the idea but is scared to go for it herself. So I said fuck it, I agreed I'd try (probably because I was tipsy lol liquid confidence is a real thing). So she gets back and we start dancing again. I was still hella nervous to do it but liquid confidence was helping me for sure. Eventually after a bit of her dancing on me when the timing was right I turn her around, close my eyes and go for it. And yup she was into it, and so was I. We make out for what seemed like a decent while and at one point I opened up one of my eyes and see all her friends pointing and recording us which was funny. Anyways after this the whole vibe of the night changed as in my head it was just me and her. Danced the night away and shared a few more drinks and kisses. Was a fucking great time. Eventually we leave to head home and say our goodbyes to everyone and while waiting for an Uber one of her bestfriends comes up to me and whispers in my ear "good job" and gives me a thumbs up which me and her both laughed at.

Eventually me and her get back to her place. We both grab some water (as we were quite tipsy and needed to sober up a bit lol). After we finish our cups of water she gets up and grabs my hand and tells me to come with her and she takes me to her bedroom. She then takes off her dress and I come up behind her and grab her boobs which she then says "Fuck I am so full" and she wasn't lying. I then help to take off her bra while kissing her neck. I then take off my shirt and she pushes me onto her bed. She then straddles me and says "I hope you're hungry" which I nodded my head and then she dangles her engorged boobs in my face and says "drink up" which then I instinctively latch and start emptying her. After a little bit she takes her boob from my mouth and starts kissing down my body. She reaches my pants and takes them off. Then legit does the sexiest thing I have ever seen, squirts her milk onto my dick and starts to lick and suck it off. Drove me crazy. After a while of this she climbs on top of me and starts riding my dick while I suck the milk out of her boobs. Other things that followed were fucking her doggy style while milking her boobs while she moaned "milk me life the cow I am", sucking the milk from her boobs and making out with her because she wanted to taste it, fucking her missionary and eating her out while she squirted milk on herself until she came. After she came I kept fucking her missionary until I am about to cum where I pullout and she starts sucking my cock until I finish and she swallows bit of my load. Long story short me and her ended up having the best sex of our lives and I slept in her bed and cuddled her all night long.

Saturday: Once we both wake up the next morning obviously we had a lot to talk about lol. We just talked about how it was for each other, the night, why I went for it etc. All in all we both were extremely happy how the night went. After we finished talking about it I asked her if I could nurse which she agreed. Nothing needed to be done as we were both still laying in bed naked from the night before and her boobs filled up overnight. Before I latched she warned me that the milk might not taste the same as normal as she obvs had a lot to drink the night before and that would effect her milk and technically make it slightly alcoholic (obviously nothing enough to have an effect on me lol). I then latched and did my thing with her laying on her side. She wasn't wrong, the milk did have quite a different flavor but still tasted great to me. After I finished she jokingly asked if I was drunk which I replied jokingly "yup, natural white Russians right on tap" which she chuckled at. We then got out of bed and got ready for the day. I then made her breakfast as I definitely owed her lol and needed to get some serious brownie points.

After this the day went by as normal. We just hung out and talked and did our normal thing although it was for sure a lot more flirty but nothing serious. She breastfed me again at around lunch time but other than that was just a morning/afternoon. She pumped again in the midafternoon to ensure her boobs were even and wouldn't get to full as we were going to a bar at later to see one of her best friend's band play (she plays bass). I helped her pic out her outfit for the night and we both get ready. Eventually her other friends came over to her place to have a few drinks and chill before we headed to the bar to watch her friend's band perform. This is where the flirting really increased as we were all playing drinking games and the entire time she was sitting on my lap which was definitely a new thing. Eventually we all left to the bar to watch the performance which was super good and was really impressed actually! Entertainment was amazing.

After the bar we head home we chill on the couch and start to make out a long while and eventually I take the lead this time and bring her to the bedroom. We then started fucking again doing everything we did before. Sex was just as good if not better. Except this time I pulled out and finished all over her ass. Was truly amazing. By the end of it the bed was soaked and we were soaked and sticky from all the milk lol so after we finished we both showered together and get ready for bed and sleep the night away again with her never leaving my arms.

Sunday: We both wake up again and just chat about random stuff and the previous night and we both said it was sad I had to leave today. After a while I guess she saw me eyeing up her boobs lol because without me asking she just lifted up her pajama top and I just went for it lol. I just nursed and emptied her boobs while she played with my hair and chilled on her phone probably watching tik tok or something. After we finished up we both got dressed and I made us breakfast while she had to answer a couple work emails.

It was a super nice day outside so after a while we decided to go tan outside in her backyard. She has a super nice fenced in backyard which honestly is a steal for the price she pays for the place. So we both got dressed for it, she was wearing a super sexy red bikini which legit made my jaw drop and when I saw her I literally said "holy shit" which she laughed and told me to shut up hahahaha. When then chilled outside for a good while until spontaneously she straddled me and took off her bikini top. I knew exactly what she wanted based on the size of her boobs lol so I nursed from her for unfortunately the last time this weekend. After I finished it was about time for me to pack up my things and head back to my place. We actually both ended up getting quite sunburnt which is pretty funny.

I packed up all my things and got ready to leave. After I was done packing we had a quick chat about what we thought of the weekend and what it meant for us. We both agreed that we are super fucking happy with how it went and are really happy with how her and I are right now. We both decided to keep doing what we are doing because it is making us both super happy right now but don't want to rush into anything to fast. After I obviously said thank you to her for such an amazing weekend and everything we did. We said our goodbyes and I leaned in and we shared a kiss goodbye which was the cherry on top for the whole weekend. And I drove back home.

Anyways in summary was legit was one of the best weekends of my life. Not only did we do things I never thought would ever happen but was super fun overall. Me and her 100% got a lot closer this weekend which I didn't think was even possible considering how good of friends we were before. Anyways I honestly don't know what I'd call us now but I guess friends with benefits is the closest thing? hahahah.

That is my weekend update! Don't know if any updates further are wanted but happy to give them if wanted! Thanks for reading, I know it was long but as short of a summary as I could give it since everyone asked for updates haha. Happy to answer any questions or comments either on this post or message me! Thank you!

Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking...

I want to find the most messed up story/book possible, I've read Julia's slide into depravity and all the blowfly girl posts so if anyone has anything worse I'd love to read.

My name is Chris. I live in Canada, Ontario. I am 25 years old, university graduate, business owner, family person, gym enthusiast, music producer. I would like to mention before I tell the story that I do not have any past or current mental illness problems and I have 2 eye witnesses to my story, so here it is:

Sometime in September of 2010 I went to a friends house to hang out and watch movies. I brought a friend with me so there was three of us at the house. We went to Erik’s house, and I brought over my friend Paul with me to spend the night at Eriks.

Once we got there we went into Erik’s. Erik had his music on, me and Paul were flipping through the channels looking for something to watch. We were sitting in a triangle formation, me being all the way on the right, Paul in the middle and Erik on the left.

About 10-20mins went by. At this point I started to get comfortable and was laying on the floor with my shirt half way up and was just playing/massaging my stomach (for no particular reason its just something I do when relaxing). Paul then hollers at me and says “Chris, whats that on your stomach?”

I take a look down at my stomach and notice that there was writing on my stomach. The first thing I thought was “who the F*** tattooed me while I was sleeping”.. The writing was perfectly written on, no smudges. It was written in comic sans font.

Then I said “Paul, I have no idea what this writing is or where it came from, are you guys playing a joke on me?” . Erik then mentions that I was laying on some papers and maybe it rubbed off from the papers onto my skin. I licked my finger and tried to smudge/get the font off my stomach but it would not even smudge it was just there and I had no idea how it got there. It looked like my skin went through a printer and a paragraph was written on me.

Now all three of us are freaking out. About 30-45seconds goes by and we are freaking out, and then Erik says “why don’t you read it?” Then I said “Erik I cant read it its written on there backwards”. So he replied with “go to the washroom and read it in the mirror.” Reading the writing in the mirror would have flipped it and it would have been readable because it was written backwards.

At this point I was like “okay you guys have to come with me to the washroom to read what this freaking thing says”. We all went up the stairs. The entire time I am thinking how the ffff am I going to get this shit off me where did it come from whats going on is this real???

We get to the washroom, I lift up my shirt to read what it says. Immidatley I see the writing start to fade, and within 5seconds it was completely gone as I was trying to read it. The way it came off my body was its like it unwrit itself. Picture (for example) recording yourself with a camera write the letter ‘a’, and then playback that video in rewind. Yup, that’s how the writing came off my body, it UNWROTE itself.

At that point we all decided okay lets go home this night is over what the fuck just happened here, and me and Paul left (erik stayed home of course). To this day we have no idea what happened, where the writing came from or even what the writing said. The best explainantion I came up with for it is that it was a glitch in the unviersie. It was as if what ended up on my stomach was suppose to come out of someones printer somewhere in a different dimension or something, but it glitched and ended up on me! And of course when I wanted to go read it, that’s when it decided to escape from my body! I am happy that it came off because there was a point where I thought I would have to live with it for the rest of my life (again, I licked my finger to see if I could get it off and it did not even smudge!).

The writing (again) was comic sans font. I specifically know its comic sans because I used to use that font in elementary school so I was instantly familiar with it. It was not some creepy demonic hand writing or latin, it was legit font from a computer.

Anyways that’s my story. I tell everybody and no one ever has a story that can top this. Clearly I am not lying, and would never take this much time out of my day to make up a story like this to send to you guys. Would love if you guys could bring this up in one of your next chats. Would be interesting to hear all the feedback/maybe some of the viewers can relate and comment and then I wont feel like the only one this has happened to. Its not like a shadow people story where some people can relate to it. I have looked this up on google (lol) and have found zero anything on this. Very odd, rare, random, unexplainable, crazy etc….

Thanks for your time and love your shows!

There was this kid last night who had to be rushed to the em for falling out of a 12ft tree house near me there was two kids a 8yo and a 12yo the 12yo was supposed to watch the 8yo and the 12yo went to the treehouse and the 8yo followed but the 8yo got caught up on the last part of the ladder and fell and it was posted on Facebook The 12yo was filled with guilt and he went on Facebook and saw the post and everyone was shaming the 12yo for not being mature enough to watch the kid and the 12yo commented on the post saying he's sorry he's sorry right? I WANT TO KNOW WHERE THE ABSOLUTE FUCK THE PARENTS WERE?! THE 12YO IS FUCKING HURTING HIMSELF BECAUSE OF THE PARENTS ACTIONS WE NEED TO FIX THIS!

I got so pissed off playing some stupid random hmlt browser game I found I don’t even know what it’s called I just know I absolutely hate it and it made me so angry I actually shoved the ENTIRE phone completely up my ass I was kid I don’t know what I was thinking 😄 and did it two kitchen knives the wall clock my cat even my flatscreen tv but none of them have came out I wanna pleasure using a tree as dildo

So recently I was helping my grandparents for cleaning services. One of them is to clean a office. My mission is to clean up the stairs. At first I was kinda annoyed and grumble about cleaning those dirty stairs. And I was like " ew stairs are just some dirty and lowly objects which doesn't deserve for human to clean them up. Their only purpose is just to be stepped by us human." But there is where the strange thought slipped through: what is the thought of stairs being stepped on all days? What if they can talk? What would they say? It should be known as a fact that you'll need to step on a stair harder then a floor since your leg would need to apply a stronger force in order to stand against gravity (no pun intended). So think about what stair would thought I was. I was thinking about something like"Yeah baby, that chick's feet feel so good~~ Aw please step on my harder baby" or in the opposite, something like: " GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME YOU STINKY OLD BRAT! DON'T USE YOUR FILTHY HAND TO TOUCH MY HANDLE YOU SON OF A--" Yeah, basically something like that. But that being said, I was wondering if stairs have the need of mating you know? Like there is some legend or horror story something something. About stairs having different quantity of steps when you go up or go down separately. So I was thinking, is that a sign of stairs actually mating and manipulated?! Yeah so I immediately imagined a scenario of a Japanese anime style highschool, with two stairs with those Japanese school uniform. Conversation like "Stair chan! You are so cute and I love you so much! Please mate with me!" And the other side is like" Ah❤️ stair kun we can't do that~not in front of those human ❤️". Ah sht, you know what, my brain is not very big, I am not goin to think about that sht any more. But one more thought before I go, if all those situations I mentioned before is real, are the mind of stairs separated between steps or the whole stair have the same thought like a gigantic hive mind?! Zamn bro, those aren't my problem. I am going to do something meaningful like idk? Watch some normal anime or something?

How do I confront a recently new coworker (that just so happens to be the same guy I lost my virginity to) that his wife is creeping on my FaceBook and messaging me to never text with him again? Her demands are unrealistic considering we now work together and need to have daily communication. It has been at least 15 years since I have seen/talked to him and I am treating him professionally and like I do all my other male coworkers, but he is avoiding answering my texts (which are all work related) that he initiates the majority of the time; but when I ask follow up questions he doesn’t respond. He is also avoiding coming into the office. I just want everything to be normal with no drama and act as if nothing ever happened so we can all have clear communication and get along.“The Wife” Creeping into My DM’s…

The following is strictly fictional, reader discretion is heavily advised. 

 Parents (DOB and POB) 

Jenifer Centalouopa Ready (August 10, 1961) St. Charles, MO. 

Jerry Cantaloupe Ready (August 10, 1971) Branson, MO. 

Children  

James Cameron Ready (August 10, 1995 - St. Joseph, MO. U.S.A.) 

Jackson Patrick Ready (August 10 , 1997 - St. Louis, MO. U.S.A.)

Jonathan Edward Ready (August 10, 1999 - Kansas City MO U.S.A.) 

Jeffrey Davis Ready (August 10, 2001 - Jefferson City, MO. U.S.A.)

Joseph Francis Ready (August 10, 2003 - Springfield MO. U.S.A.) 

For all seven births, The time written by the doctor was something along the lines of "WGAF? There's no contrary to whether it was the 9th or 11th of August and was Broad Daylight."

Nicknames, Age and Occupations* Jen, 61, and Jerry, 51, Medical Doctors*  Jim, 27, BNSF Rail Engineer*   Jack, 25, Jack In The Box Head Manager*    John, 23, MO. State Hwy. Patrolman*  Jeff, 21, Head Retirement Home Chef* Joe, 19, Local Construction Worker* 

The Ready Family 

Jerry, like few dads, loved the ganja but hated drinking too much alcohol. Jen, like many moms alike, loved liquor despised dope. 

The degree Jerry hated alcohol and Jen Marijuana, was like how Grinch felt about Christmas, hated it alot. 

Yet the degree Jerry loved weed and Jen alcohol, was like that of Squidward and Krabby Patties, pretend not to like them only to secretly love them beyond condition. 

Jen would tell you, she doesn't care for alcohol, yet bought all her kids alcohol on their 18th, 19th, and 20th birthdays. 

Jerry, would admit marijuana can no doubt be terribly addictive and problematic for many users, especially the following of prolonged usage, yet gave his kids 0.5 doobies on their 18th 19th and 20th birthdays. 

He was born the same year Dane Cook was, averaged about 500 annual beers, and bought his sons ramen noodles. 

He'd often tell his kids "F*** McDonald's and Taco Bell we got Mr Noodles and extra toilet paper at home".

Jerry could, but lost a smoking battle with Sir Topham Snoop Catt, the owner of a Railway to which was uniquely run by Cannabis-tendered Steam Locomotives with liquor instead of water. 

In one hour's time, Topham Snoop had no problem winning the smoke off.  

 Jerry absolutely could smoke a nice record of 19.69g at the end of the hour, but Sir Topham Snoop Catt smoked 19.71g In an hour's time, the two smoked 39.4g grams between them. 

Jen would buy her kids and John Pinette fast food coupons often. 

Ironically she'd always be in front of Pinette in various vegas fast food lines in Vegas several times, cutting him off with several coupons. She'd give one to him for his inconvenience and John glared at her with squinted eyes and scrunched teeth "GOTL!" 

Oh, I will Jen would reply, while John impatiently hissed. 

Jen was arrested on Joey's 18th birthday in 2021, also Missouri's 200th Birthday (WGAF?). 

The following year, The Show Me State would sentence Jen to community service, and show her how to coach Missouri's worst hockey, football and baseball teams (the three major league sports most sports fans MO GAF about). 

Her kids local highschool team names were  called the hummingbirds, and many of their best top players were midgets, dedicated to win the Championships in the U.S. State of Missouri. 

The only sport they didn't win was basketball but Missouri aint Utah. 

She let the entire hummingbirds football team, many of whom midgets, fuck her and bought the entire baseball team beer. The hockey team, all midgets, Jen Centaloupa certainly did both. 

I had no idea there was that many of you. Welcome and thanks to the whole mod team except me for doing all the hard work. Appreciate y’all.

My story begins in a very well known city in a very sunny state of the USA. I 24f was born in this city and headed north for School/Uni soon after turning 18...

But, before that I was SA'd, heartbroken, introduced to drugs, sex and corruption on a regular basis. Mom died at 6. Dad drank, but still loves us very much, heavy-handed and toxically, usually only as much as necessary to keep 3 kids in line as low-income single men, with chips on their shoulders do..

After moving I was exposed to drugs, sex, corruption on a regular basis. I experimented with everything from stripping, to sex work, to more felonious activities and drugs, risqué sexual behaviors, to questioning the fabric of reality and spirituality. Because no one really knows where the drive for life mindset evolved from except lizard-brain survivability.

Growing up... was not linear. I can remember times when I was objectified as a child, pre-mom passing. It's hard not growing up with a mom, but when I had mom, I didn't have dad. They were divorced like 40% of married couples in the US.

There was this kid who lived in my apartment building, and we were friends. The only friends I had were my brothers' friends, but I don't remember my brothers hanging out with this kid. I didn't speak Portugese but he spoke English, and his mom didn't speak English or Spanish so I was always on my best behavior and just smiled when she spoke to me. We would hang out every weekend, I would join his family at church, and we would go to the kid's group during the first hour of service, where there was food and children.

Probably why my mom was comfortable with us hanging out, was because she was his mom's friend. And his mom/my mom not knowing any different since I was 4 and he was like 8, would often let us go to the pool alone & walk back home, or we would hang out at his house/I would sleep over, without much supervision if any. My strict Parents' great judgement. This kid was my only friend I could consistently hang out with outside of school, so naturally, being used to kissing up to my brother's friends to find companionship (because little boys don't want to hang out with little girls where I was raised), I was connected at the core to this kid, and savoured every second of our time together, platonically and not romantically at all.

One night we planned to watch SpongeBob, and I bought special PJs because I knew how much he loved SpongeBob. I planned to stay the night. After the movie we played a "game". This game was weird, and oddly specific. It involved me going into the closet, exiting the closet after he called to me with his finger, motioning me to come over, then like some f***ed version of a challenge course, walk over to the bottom of the bed where one's feet lay, climb under the blanket, up to the top, and I could only surface if I was laying on top of him. My friend who I had no feelings of romance towards, not even a little. My only friend. We called it "peek-a-boo". And we never played it after that night.

Do I forgive him? Okay, you can't just ask that. How could I have known what I was doing? Why did I do it? Who inspired this "game" in him? All fingers point back to me being a girl, and him being more mature than me. But this "game" would not only haunt me from then on, I didn't hang out with him after that. Alone again, I continued my life until my mom died. And then life...

Okay so this just happened my fiancé was going to a newer church that was in town for the weekend because it a traveling congregation. The name of said church is the supernatural culture church, seems like just any regular church right?!? Well the start of it was as any normal congregation starts but something she noticed was they never mentioned anything about Jesus but was praying to “there father” and not only that they had Spanish and Latin songs being sung 3 times every time and the English songs didn’t sound like your normal congregation songs. After that they made people right there debt and put it into a metal trash can and lit it on fire to symbolize removing debt. After the fact about half way through they get people to come up and be saved, only this wasn’t your normal saving. From what she told me they had a infertile lady get punched in the stomach 3 times with full force to the point where the woman was curled in a ball crying. They had another person who had knee damage and proceeded to hit his leg 3 times to heal him. But the worst one of all is her friend who is deaf had her head grabbed and slammed against the wall 3 times to help her hear. The other fact was one of the people talked with my fiancé and she’s never talked with this man told her dark secrets that she’s never told anyone and he got everything right. Anytime my fiancé or her friends mentioned anything about god or Jesus they mocked them and laughed at them saying we can help you, you don’t need gods gift. Now my thing is, is this a cult? What church does this? Overall this doesn’t seem right if anyone can give some insight on this

Awful Writings (Some Years Old)

Some of these Short Story Ideas that I (27/m) have had worked on as early as June 2019 and many inspired by real-life events. Some better/worse than others, as most ideas were written entirely from particular personal interests (Asperger's/Mild-ASD).

Appalling Trainwreck On December 18, 1895, GWR Engines 727 and 729 collide head-on in the middle of a single track railway tunnel running underneath the Welland Canal in between locks 18 and 19. In Engine 727, was Engineer Stephen Brettell and Fireman Nigel Belanger. In Engine 729 was Engineer James O'Brien and Fireman Jack Franck. 727 was eastbound from London to Cleveland, 729 westbound from Cleveland to London. All four men were tragically 24-years-old at the time of their deaths, combining for less than 100 years of life between them. There was a memorial held for the men at the tunnel every December 18th (all four men were born in in the year 1871 and died in 1895).

Edward The Blue Ghost
A Navy Seal that went 2nd overall at the 2013 National American Navy Draft in Newark, NJ. was killed saving the life of a man trapped in the backseat of a Police cruiser at a railroad crossing. That man, was the 1st overall selection of the same year. Edward was survived by his young-wife Jessica Jackie Andrews, who would raise their four children on her own. RIP Edward Jeffrey Andrews (Born: August 10, 1995 - St. Joseph, MO. Died: September 1, 2022 - St. Catharines, ON.)

Stanley-Newman In 1977, 50-year-old Player-Coach of the Welland Chiefs, farm team for the Montreal Canadiens, he was also a Welland Canal Lift Bridge Operator but no one cared and he was often the subject of mockery and derision even from their own fans. All American Teams dominated the chiefs for over 30 years. But then ln April 1st, it was announced that the Old-Vehicle Mill in Weand was getting an expansion. On April 2nd, the real news came in and they announced. (F***ing GM Plant then they went) Joe McGrath announced sale of the team from Ontario to Ontario, California. But in the 1978 playoffs, Stanley-Newman took their bottom seed with the Hamilton brothers team to make the Playoffs on May 18, 1978 they won the championship after the Rocket's Captain punched the ref to which the ref not only escorted Jim McKenny, but killed Jim Mckenny in the fight. RIP Dain David Stanley-Newman (August 10, 1927 - August 21, 2008), George Carlin (May 12, 1937 June 22, 2008), and of course, the one and only, Paul Newman (January 26, 1925 - September 26, 2008).

Jackie - A High School Biology Teacher is diagnosed with terminal breast cancer and begins selling and producing potent cannabis and potent cannabis accessories to cover her medical expenses. Her products helped most people while was problematic for others, three people died from dangerously low potassium levels due to the dehydration and excessive vomiting. She was sentenced to 144 years in prison, with possibly of parole in 144 days after she has Saul Phuctup as her legal defense attorney.

The Admiration of Jeffrey James - Some Doctor no ones give two horsess about goes around Missouri saving random people on various passenger trains. He was hated by most Railroad Companies but loved by his step-sisters, Jessica and Jackie. Back when they were around 15 years old on the family farm, Jeffrey was sniffing the horses ass with his mouth and eyes wide open. They were playing super soakers and decided to spray the horse, to which caused it to shit directly into Jeffrey's mouth and he'd digest the horses slip into a coma for two weeks. They took Jeffrey James to the spot were he was born August 10, 1995 and Enimem October 17, 1972. This story is even more horses*** then Robert and Nancy's Wedding. I have zero doubt the average 8-10yo kid has better writting skills and idea brainstorming.

The Search for Dipship Cameron - on August 10, 1971, a slim man appearing to be in his mid-40s, uses the name "Dain Cameron" on his plane ticket costing $19.71 (1971) and hijacks a Boeing 727 Aircraft for $200,000 on Northeast Airlines flight 1218 between Newark New Jersey and Buffalo New York. Around 8:10 p.m. when on route to Cleveland-Hopkins airport, the hijacker jumped from the back of the aft-stairs at the rear of the plane somewhere over Southern Ontario. Later evidence would have controversial results. some felt he lived, others felt he died. Most honestly couldn't give two ships about this "Dipship" as they and the press would refeer to the infamous 1971 criminal. The true hijacker of the Dan Cooper crime some 15 weeks later perhaps could have been looking at this Dain Cameron as a target of satire.

The Wreck Of The Moonlight Bridge - On August 31, 1995, The Southern Portion of the Port Colborne Harbour Bridge, also known as the Moonlight Bridge, was struck by the M.V. MacKinnon-Barkov, taking the lives of 35 people. The North Span opened on August 10, 1927. Exactly 68 years later, a second and identical span would be built right alongside. But just three weeks following its opening The South Span was struck and a large portion of the bridge toppled over 150 feet down into the waters of Lake Erie.

I wanna auction myself off just cuz why not. I’m a guy, 15. I cook, clean, work out, etc. I am 5”9 brown hair, brown doe eyes, and I’m white. I will do whatever you want that doesn’t interfere with the law. We’re not bidding with money but who has the most rizz. Whoever wins can have me until u get bored and you can also come back whenever you want.

When I did take 2 tabs acid first time I became a plant after I did drink pineapple and orange juice. While hearing music I started to milk my balls which became the production center of the pollen of my plant. Therefore I had to spread the pollen and fapped many times in a row and licked the sweet necktar I produced off with my tongue. Further I imagined that I was just licking off millions of small people for my amusement. I want to be a giant plant and want unlimited pollen production while eating humans. Oskar Dirlewanger dieserves to rot in hell.

I’m a little curious about where this was even going or how it even got there as I was looking at reviews on a font app, but enjoy this verbatim copy:

“100 word challenge: I just got a call back to cancel somebody else called and they left my voicemail so I'm just not replying back and reply reply to cancel them and then they can call you when I leave the door unlocked for you and your phone number so you don't have internet access so I don't have internet connection to cancel it but it's my phone case I can't have it on my internet so I'm not replying back on reply but I'm just saying that I'm sorry it's just I know now I don't have to reply but I'm just saying I love how I am and I'm not doing that right when I'm done I just need a break from the conversation and I'm trying not even mean I know it's not even my life and I'm trying to get mad and mad I hate you and I'm trying to be rude with my girl I just know I love how I love her so I don't think so I don't feel well and I'm just saying I'm not doing that I just need a whole life and I'm trying not even to say I'm not doing anything I love her and I'm so mad I'm mad because I have my phone and l'm trying not to reply. I just don't want you in my mind that you don't feel comfortable doing it right when I say something like you that I'm just not feeling well I don't feel good to you too and I'm just saying”

so my friend and i were on a discord call when i heard my neighbors yelling in the streets, i didn't think much of it at first, but after the third time, i was worried because i heard my neighbor's guest yell "I'm gonna burn this house down!" about a minute or two after that my mom bursts into my room and says that my neighbors'house is on fire, i went outside to check it and it turns out that they did something crazy on the inside and shortly afterwards the whole freaking roof caved in, now they are still busy putting out the fire and the fire brigade came about 15 minutes after everything burnt down, now they have a few walls and some ashes left.....man....South African safety is the best!

I (17m) had a gf(15f). I always thought we would mary euch other some day and have kinds and stuff but reality ended all of these dreams I had. I dont want to make this longer than this has to be. She cheated on me.. With my own fucking dad(48) He often made jokes like "I bet she wants a real man and not a boy". I never thought she would think like that but looks like she did. In my oppinion they are both fucking disgusting and I almost punched my dad to death after I found out. I instantly broke up with that slut and now I am having sex with her best friend (16f) and her life is Ruinen because her whole school found out she had sex with a 48 year old man and tbh I dont care that everyone finds her disgusting now.