Warning: this is a long one.

CW: not completely consensual sexual experience

I recently had this chain of events happen in my life and I can't stop running through it all in my mind. Is this as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be? Is any of this ok?

Earlier this year I long distance reconnected with my college boyfriend. He's divorced and we have been exploring a possible romantic relationship. We've visited one another multiple times this year. I'm a queer woman and he's a straight man. We're in our 40s.

The morning after the election I woke up, saw the results, and went totally numb. I texted him, let's call him Paul, and said "I don't even know what to say." And he responded "We'll make it through." And I absolutely lost my shit. I couldn't believe, at first, that this man's first thought and response to me seemed to be an "oh well" throwing hands up and shrugging perspective. "Who is we?" I asked. His response certainly wasn't considering the women, queer, transgender, and marginalized communities who will suffer massively under Trump's presidency. We went back and forth about how i was scared and felt like his words were insensitive and he defended what he said saying "that's what we have to tell ourselves, it's what people say."

I took a few days to gather my thoughts and then I contacted him. I practiced my words to be focused on my feelings rather than attacking his words; I didn't want to put him on the defense. I told him I was hurt and scared and looking for support and acknowledgement from him and instead was met with what felt like empty platitudes. But he still didn't back down or apologize or speak to my feelings at all. He stated that my words can't possibly always be sensitive towards marginalized communities either and that he was just saying something comforting. His responses made me feel like I was crazy for being so upset about the election. Even though we had talked at length about the potential future under Trump and how scary it was- once the election results were in he didn't seem affected and he definitely was not acting like he supported me and my fears or understood my perspective.

So this really pissed me off. Here is a man I had known for decades. I thought he was different I guess? (So stupid) I thought he cared about women and understood my fears. I thought he saw the world in a similar way and I thought he would be an advocate for me, for women, for others who needed it.

I spent a few days thinking about all of this and watching the headlines and remembering back to little ways Paul had diminished me over the past year. Things he had done to make me feel less than. And to the ways I had already begun shouldering his emotional burden along with my own. BTW he could never engage in serious or difficult conversation for too long, he "didn't have the capacity for it."

And then I remembered something that I had tried to bury. Before Paul and I met up for the first time this year I told him I want to use condoms if and when we had sex. He said that was fine and immediately followed it up by explaining that it won't feel as good for him and he won't last as long (are you kidding me dude?) but ok we could use them if I want. I said yes I want. I again asked him to bring condoms as our first visit was nearing. He said ok. We met and had sex and used a condom. Then a bit later we were fooling around a bit and all of the sudden, he's inside me. No condom. He just slipped it in. I felt paralyzed in the moment and just kept going. When we finished I said something along the lines of "what happened to using condoms?" And he just said "oh I got carried away" and that was it. And i just left it alone. I didn't say anything more. I thought to myself "oh I guess this is just what happens". And the truth is that similar scenarios have happened to me so many times, it has become so normalized in my life that I never really considered the fact that I didn't have to put up with it.

Until now.

It's like a switch flipped in my brain and I became outraged at this memory. How could someone, someone who allegedly cared for me so deeply, completely violate my boundary about my own body. And on top of that, just shrug it off when confronted. That's not ok! And I'm not accepting that anymore.

He responded some vague "I'm sorry if..." statement because he hadn't heard from me in a few days and I responded basically saying that recent events have me recontextualizing experiences I've had. I restated for him the condom scenario I explained above. And ended with "and that's just not something I'm going to get past."

His response was not an apology. It was an ask for clarification "is that what you're mad about? Is that what this is all about?" I said what is "this? You violated me". And that was met with another vague "I'm sorry if" and a comment about not understanding why that was something I'm upset about.

At this point y'all I'm just so done. I'm done being treated like this. I'm sick to my stomach about everything going on in our world and I'm not wasting another inch of my energy on a man who doesn't even respect my bodily autonomy. Who won't stand by my side in a fight for equality. Who won't allow themselves to see reality and how it will impact so many communities in the United States. Who cant even apologize. Men who zap our energy, trauma dump on us, expect us to take care of them and stay hot and still fuck them whenever they want and enact legislation that strips us (and many other communities) of our rights.

And I guess I just wanted to reach out to this community for some validation because I just can't believe this has happened. But when I really think about it and look around, I guess I can. And I'm glad it happened before I became committed much more deeply.

I (32F) learned yesterday that my boyfriend (27M) of two years was leading a double life. for the past six months, he has been sleeping with at least three other women. one was a real relationship - he met her friends, stayed with her, and even brought her into my apartment several times to stay the night when I was away. the other two were casual but regular.

I am hurt, betrayed, destroyed beyond belief. the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with was a stranger. it's since become apparent that he is a pathological liar and a sex addict, and likely a narcissist.

how do I begin to heal from this process? I am surrounded by friends and am supported but I can't stop the intrusive thoughts running through my mind. I can't eat, can't sleep, can't accept that for so long I believed this conman. the boy who was so sweet to me, who seemed to understand me like no one else could, who brought me flowers and cried when someone upset me is a monster. I was a confident woman with so much love to give. now I can barely recognise myself.

I’m not exactly sure what I’m trying to get from here. Support, I suppose. I just need to let it out somewhere or to someone.

My current class (college senior) is on the topic of adolescent trauma, particularly sexual trauma. I keep having memory flashes as I read my textbook.

I had wonderful parents (divorced) and a relatively uneventful childhood as it pertains to trauma. When I was 14, I was rebelling. I was chatting online with someone who was 9 years older than me. Of course at age 14 you think it’s great and that you’re special. Well one night while my dad had me babysit my brother, this guy drove to where I lived, mind you it was over an hour drive. Without going into too much detail, I lost my virginity that night unwillingly. I can’t overstate how that was not my intention whatsoever. I never considered it rape because I willingly talked to him and let him in the house (since I was watching my brother I didn’t want to leave him alone). I don’t know if my brother remembers that night…I hope he doesn’t.

The memories are so vivid. And reading my textbook has triggered so much that I have never faced. No one knows about this incident, unless my brother remembers. I want therapy, but no one is taking new patients within an hour drive of where I currently am (unless it’s state insurance). So, I guess this is where I get this off my chest for now?

I have an incredible amount of guilt and anger at myself regarding this incident. You can’t say anything worse than I’ve already said to myself. Anyways, thanks for reading.

Quick background: I have a friend in an abusive relationship- that's a whole other topic ok? No advise needed on that one... I'll help her escape when she's ready. I've worked had to stay in her life so her husband can't completely isolate her, it's been difficult but I'm doing what I can with what she's ready for.

We have a new problem though; all that "voting is private" and "he'll never know who you vote for" isn't going to work. He has told her that they'll be going to vote together (no surprise the absolute control freak almost never let's her do anything without him) and that she'll need to take a pic to show him she voted "correctly" when she comes out, meaning the disgusting orange man of course.

I can't think of a way around this one. Anyone wanna help brainstorm? I'm so angry I want to scream. Edit: you can take a pic inside a voting booth in our state. I had to go check. Good idea though. Forgetting/ not-charging will be easy for him to out maneuver, like making her take in his instead, making her sit and charge it before they leave, etc. If I can think of it, so can he the smart fuck. Maybe I should start working on a photoshop

I’ve been no contact with my mom for about a year and a half and don’t have many other people to talk to about this. Not sure how to feel or how to handle the situation.

Last week I got a message from my ex bfs sister asking if we could chat as she had something to tell me. She ended up sending me an email to explain the situation and then we briefly talked on the phone about it.

Background info: My ex and I broke up 5.5 yrs ago and about 2 years ago I saw on FB that his sister and her husband were getting divorced. Seemed very amicable and I was sad for them. When I was with my ex we were very close to them, even living in the same house (but separate apartments) and I had been there since day 1 with each of their kids, frequently babysitting and we were the kids godparents in the sense that if something happened to both of their parents we would raise the kids.

Turns out that the reason they got divorced is because she found some videos on his tablet, one of which was of me in their bathroom getting changed into a bathing suit (so yes, fully naked) and using the toilet. The video was taken 4 years before she found it which was about a year before my ex and I broke up. He hid the tablet in the bathroom with the express intent to record me that day as he knew I would be there. She said when she confronted him he was only remorseful regarding getting caught and believed it to be a “victimless crime” if I didn’t know about it.

She immediately separated from him but did not collect any evidence of the video and says now that it was likely deleted right after she confronted him. She says that she scoured all of his devices and online accounts and believes that this was the only video and it is gone now and it was not shared/posted online.

She initially was going to share custody of the kids but then changed her mind and is insisting on her having full custody but allowing him regular visitation still. He is not fighting this because she is holding her knowledge of the video over his head and he knows he has to go along with whatever she wants because of it.

I feel disgusted and absolutely stunned that he would do this. Never in a million years would either of us had guessed he would do something like this. He was my brother in law. We were family (was with my ex for 9 years, his family was my family). I was the godmother to his children. So gross.

And what makes it even more gross is apparently you could hear my niece who was 4 at the time in the background outside the door telling me to hurry up because she was excited to go outside. Not sure how hearing his daughter’s voice didn’t turn him off or make him think about what if someone did this to her.

So now I know that this happened which sucks because I was sexually assaulted a few times as a teenager and this is yet another way someone has violated me in a sexual way. But I know that without any evidence there is likely nothing the police could really do about it.

One of the many reasons I am not in contact with my mom is because she kind of neglected me a lot, so the sexual assaults she knew about she did not handle/help me appropriately. And the ones she didn’t know about, I didn’t tell her because of how badly she handled the previous ones. So of the 3 boys/men that assaulted me, none of them were ever even reported or held accountable or saw any consequences in any way. So now that I am an adult and know how to handle things like this myself, I feel like the right thing to do for myself and for any other women that he may victimize in the future would be to at least file a police report so that there is some kind of record of the incident even if they cannot charge him. I think it would feel good to finally stand up for myself here and not let this get swept under the rug entirely. I know it will be hard to do this emotionally though.

And what makes it even more difficult is that my ex did not treat me well when we were together and eventually became emotionally and verbally abusive to me. Most of the 9 years together I was trapped in the relationship and being abused. So I never wanted anything to do with my ex again and never wanted to see or speak to him again….

But a couple days after I spoke to his sister, he texted me. He said he needed to make sure she told me and he had be pushing her to tell me for the last 6 months since she told him and he tried to give her the space to do that right thing and tell me, but eventually he had to tell her that enough was enough and he would tell me if she didn’t. Which is not at all how she had portrayed her stance on this to me. So this is making me wonder what else she was not entirely forthcoming about and if there’s anything else I should know before taking action on this.

I feel like the best way to make sure I know all that I need to know is to sit down with my ex in person to talk about what he knows about it all and if there’s anything his sister left out. But I never wanted to see him again so that makes me anxious. Even though he didn’t treat me right when we were together, I do think he would be genuinely honest and helpful in this situation. He is very angry and feels terrible that this was done to me and has offered his support in whatever I need.

So it’s all just a really tough/emotional/complicated situation and I want to make sure I make the right decisions about how to handle all of this, but I don’t have my mom or many other trusted people I can discuss it with and bounce ideas off of.

What do I do? How should I feel? How do I move forward in my life knowing this was done to me by someone I really trusted? It’s so disgusting on so many levels. Ugh.

TL;DR: Honestly, I think I need advice on how to legitimately love how I look despite not matching society’s stupid beauty expectations.

I grew up as a chubby kid for the longest time. I then lost weight as a teen, and then regained the weight back now, as a woman in my early 20s.

I know what it’s like to be treated as both the “fat, ugly girl” and the “skinny, attractive woman”. Quite frankly, in my experience, being overall not conventionally attractive fucking sucks sometimes, to say the least.

I was out all day today; before I went out, I left my house thinking I actually looked beautiful. But after a day of walking around the mall and seeing all the girls whose body types I wish I had, I had the complete opposite opinion of myself by the time I returned home.

It’s so ironic: when I see other chubby women, or honestly anyone who doesn’t meet our society’s beauty standard, I still find them beautiful. I see beauty in everyone, but I can’t for some reason seem to find it in myself. I actually really hate how I look right now.

I think one reason that’s contributed to this is because how badly I see men talk about bigger women like me on the internet. Overall though, I guess my mind can’t help but think of all the damn stereotypes strangers might place on me because of my appearance without even getting to know me.

But yeah. I hate being overweight, and although I know it’s not a bad thing to want to lose weight, I do think it’s bad that I hate how I look right now due to societal beauty standards. Any help or advice would be really appreciated… :,)

This text is a bit long, but I’ve tried to keep it as short as possible.

TLDR: should I visit my grandmother who is on a ventilator despite being scared the image of it will haunt me afterwards? It might be the last chance I have.

Post: My (~30f) maternal grandmother (~80) is currently in the hospital, sedated and on a ventilator. It’s not looking particularly good, she has an unidentified autoimmune disease affecting her lungs. Several organs are degrading. She’s been ill for a while but it’s been ok, she has pulled through so very much and I’m so proud of her. It’s ok if she want to let go, I will completely understand.

We’re close. We’ve spoken on the phone almost daily since the beginning of the pandemic, before that it was maybe two or three times a week. I live and work two hours car drive away from both her and my mom (and dad). She knows almost everything about me and she’s my main go to when I need company and support. It’s her and my mom, I don’t know how to live without them.

I rushed down on Tuesday when mom called, crying, and told me everything was getting worse. There wasn’t any doubt anywhere even though I had a huge job thing the day after, I called my boss and just said that I had to leave for the rest of the week. She’s supportive and knows gran and I are close so she just told me to go and do some assignments if I have the energy or need to distract myself, but to take my time, it will be fine. My job also allows me to do almost all my assignments remotely so I can work from my parents’ house with no problems.

We were planning on going to the hospital to visit her yesterday but got the news it’s getting worse so mom and my uncle were told to be at the hospital this morning to speak with the doctor about the situation. They went alone today and then came home to tell me and my sister. We’re planning on visiting tomorrow instead.

I don’t know if I want to see her like that. I don’t know if she wants me to see her like that. I’m pretty sure she would tell all of us to stay the fuck out because she wants us to remember her as she was when she was well. But I also know she’s so scared of being alone. So very scared.

Mom says we have to decide for ourselves and we have full autonomy in this. I don’t know what to do. She said that she can decide for us and then we can be mad with her if we regret it in the future. I’ve said no to that, she’s in enough pain already as it is.

Should I go and see her? I’m so scared the picture of her hooked up to machines and asleep will be burned into my brain for the rest of my life and it will overtake every memory I have of her, that I won’t be able to see her happy in my mind without also seeing her like she is right now. But I don’t want her to feel forgotten and alone. I should see her but I don’t know if I can.

I’m planning to go home tomorrow, I really need to hug my fiancé and see my cats, I have a game of dnd to run (I really need to feel in control of SOMETHING in all of this). Tomorrow could be my last chance to speak to her with the chance of her maybe actually hearing me. But I don’t know what I should do. Please help me.

hi, i’m not comfortable listing my age but i’m a woman in college who has never had a sexual experience up until last night. there’s this guy i like and he fingered me last night, walked me home once we were done, and promised a text in the morning. he had said that he did like me and it wasn’t just a hookupy thing.

i woke up this morning to no text, and he and his friend blocked me on social media.

i’m just feeling really unsure right now and honestly slightly violated (def wasn’t assault or anything there was clear consent, but i wouldn’t have consented if i wasn’t convinced that he didn’t just wanted a one time thing)

any advice or reassurance is appreciated

Hello, 

I’m working on a documentary for a UK broadcaster about the distribution of non-consensual pornographic material, including revenge porn and deepfakes, and the impact this has on women in particular. 

We are looking for people who have experienced either of these things personally. If you have, and you might be willing to share your story with us, please send me a DM so I can explain a little more about the project. 

All information will be treated as completely confidential and off the record - it will not be used in the documentary without permission. 

Thank you so much. 

The last serious relationship I had was 4 years ago and that left me so heartbroken and traumatised that I put off dating since then. Recently I’ve been trying to get back into the dating scene by engaging with a dating app because I can’t find any other way to meet people. However it’s been so difficult finding someone who I can match well with.

There was a guy who I liked quite a bit and even though we’ve never met in person, everything seemed to be going well and he seemed interested in me until I just found out he “wasn’t looking for anything serious” when I was. I feel so stupid and almost played out? Why do I only attract men like this? (my ex wanted to be fwb 2 years after breaking up)

Objectively speaking, I’m quite cute and attractive looking so I don’t understand why I’m having so much trouble finding a boyfriend when everyone else around me seems to be getting attached so easily… Is there something wrong with me?? Am I doing something wrong? Why is it so hard to find a decent guy out there? I get so depressed and feel lonely because of this…

So I would like to gather advice from fellow girlies over this because this really does make me feel so down. I feel like I deserve a good loving relationship

Hi all.

Throwaway account because I’m really nervous to talk about this. This was a couple years ago but I need guidance on it.

Me (24 NB) was seeing guy for a month or so (26 M). We’d had a sexual encounter that ended after he finished (pulled out) and I realized he didn’t wear a condom.

We had been intimate once before where he was starting to initiate sex, and I had to ask if he had a condom. He looked disappointed but did put one on.

The time of the incident in question (second encounter) I thought he was wearing a condom as I had been very insistent on how important it is to me. As well as though he was physically. It was only my third sexual encounter ever and I was super naive.

He said he thought I knew and got super defensive when I got stern with him about how that wasn’t cool.

Thoughts on this? I’m trying to process what happened.

Kind and constructive thoughts only please. 🙏

TLDR:

sexual encounter ended after he finished, I realized he didn’t wear a condom and didn’t know

cut off one of my male friends who kept insulting me and mocking me infront of the girls he likes and his friends. we had some common interests so we occasionally talk bt it but I distanced myself from him completely. Don’t think he’s noticed that im pulling away and i dont think he cares and i dont want him to either. I’m just done. Vent over

I feel horrible about just the thought of getting a pap smear. Yes, because of obvious reasons like fear of judgment, pain, being naked, along with a phobia of anything medical. However, the number one reason that I feel so anxiety-crippled about it is because of my complicated history with sex.

I have never felt sexy in my life. I've felt weird, uncomfortable, awkward, and at my best, cute and occasionally pretty, but never sexy. I blame this on my upbringing. I am Indian American, and if you know anything about my culture, it is extremely conservative and purity culture ridden, and a lot of people in my culture have what I would call a sex-phobia. They don't talk about it at all, and pretend it doesn't exist. Arranged marriages are common and "love marriages" are looked down upon, as is dating/having boyfriends, sex before marriage, living together for marriage, birth control, and sometimes even PDA. I think it's pretty common for many Indian parents (especially the older ones) to essentially live as roommates with only having sex to have kids.

Essentially, these norms are the way that I was brought up and it ruined me so badly. I didn't know much about sex growing up, I just knew that it was bad and to only do it within marriage, with a husband that my parents would pick for me. I thought that women, especially Indian women like myself, are supposed to be innocent and sexless, and obey every single custom, and if we don't then we are essentially, westernized sluts. I thought that most couples remained virgins until marriage. I remember learning about sex in elementary/middle school, but assumed that Indian women just didn't do it. I thought that I would never need/want to go on birth control because I would only ever have sex with my husband a couple of times. I remember being shocked in high school when a friend of mine described how a crush of hers made her "feel certain things" because I had never felt any sort of sexual way towards my crush at the time (probably because I was so repressed). I didn't know that most teens have sex, and I didn't know that many married couples have sex years afterwards, because it was so foreign to me. I was so naive and uneducated that it's infuriating.

I'm 24 and a virgin, never had a boyfriend, because I wasn't allowed to. Honestly, I still don't know if I would be allowed to. I live with my parents as I'm inbetween applying for school right now, and as far as my mom is concerned, she looks down as dating as a whole, is against birth control and pre marital sex, is worried about what other people in our circle will say if I wear something more revealing, or start dating. She definitely looks down on other women whom she perceives as sluts, or women in our culture that do something out of the norm.

What bugs me about this is now I'm just expected to go get a pap smear. I'm expected to go in, shamefully tell the doctor that I've never had sex, them look at me like I'm crazy/lying and then open up my legs and deal with the possible pain of the procedure. In a couple of years, I may even have an arranged marriage and be expected to open up my legs in order to have kids, despite not being allowed to have ANY sort of romantic or sexual experience. If I ever do get a boyfriend, I just know that I would be constantly shame ridden.

I never felt sexy, because I wasn't allowed to be. I wasn't allowed to have desires. I was expected to be a girl forever, and not a woman. And a gyno exam is bringing all of these feelings out at once.

Posted this in a different thread and got nothing but sick men defending him. I need help I’m distraught and confused. I’ll answer any questions

Hi, I was drunk at a party where family and coworkers attended. I was recently told info that I was locked in a room with two coworkers. As far as I know nothing happened but the knowing of something could have happened is killing me. I’ve thrown up and feel awful knowing this information. The worst part is I have no idea, I blacked out from that point. I have no recollection of that happening. I think this is my turning point of never drinking again because this is terrifying to me. I feel absolutely disgusted with myself. I feel as if I have guilt or something weighing heavily on my chest and I don’t even know what did or didn’t happen.

A dear friend is in a very abusive environment, emotional, verbal, and other uncomfortable things. I'm looking for ANY ressources anyone could share for short to long term sheltering for a single woman. From what I've been told local shelters are very short term at best, and severely lacking resources at worst. I don't really know where to turn so any and all resources or advice or ANYTHING, I would love to hear it with open ears.

I (22 yo woman) have been aggressively cat called and assaulted both on Saturday and Sunday, need help feeling human again. On Saturday these guys driving by made licking sounds and gestures with their tongues/faces, safe to say it ruined my morning and made me feel really upset that I wasn’t even able to tell them off. On Sunday as I was entering the elevator of a TJ Max, this group of 3 middle aged men walks past me, one of them whispers “why don’t you smile for me bitch?” When I told him that he couldn’t talk to me like that they all laughed and left. I broke down right there, full of rage and anger, I truly feel like I would’ve physically hurt them if they didn’t out number me and outweigh me by 200lb each. It’s the evening now and I still can’t stop crying because of how angry I am, I’m so agitated I keep having nose bleeds. Why are men like this? I didn’t do anything to deserve being treated that way. Please help, I am so so angry.

Hi ladies,

I got sexually harassed on Monday in a very intimidating and forceful way. I've never felt my back was "against the wall" with a man before with no way out and it scared me so much I've just been in a really heightened/agitated/anxious emotional state since. I am safe and okay he didn't physically assault me but the pressure of that situation and his forcing me to acknowlege him and his presence and that he wanted to fuck me was really really stressful. I've been harassed before but not like that, where it's not only so blatant, but I can't do anything about it

I don't look people in the eyes anymore, I don't engage.... I can't resume being normal. I know it's only been almost a week and hopefully it'll get better but currently it's really hard to exist and think of a good future and I finally was in a good place in my life with trusting others and feeling comfortable and loved in my body and now I've just been anxious and avoidant ever since. I am trying my best to show myself love and comfort and just relax and reintegrate whenever I'm ready. I'm just focusing on myself but am wondering if anyone has any advice, thank you🤍🤍🤍

Does anyone else get a huge crush on a random male celebrity, find out they're a jerk to women, feel heartbroken for like 2 days, then move on with their life and just feel stupid about it?

I tried posting this in the other twox sub but it’s getting downvoted for some reason so figured I’d come here for support because I really need it right now.

So I (21F) had sex with a guy for the first time (ever) last night. We did try to have sex earlier this week but he got soft and I definitely saw him put a condom on then. He was really bad at communication and moved fast, all he said was “wanna fuck?” but I’m neurodivergent + have anxiety so I just went with it. I did want to hook up, but I wanted to discuss things first like boundaries, any hard no’s etc and I didn’t get the chance to. I would never agree to have sex without a condom and he moved too fast for me to express that, but I thought it was fine because he automatically put one on when we had tried before and as soon as he asked to have sex this time, he got up, got what I presumed to be a condom from his coat stood with his back to me, looked like he was putting one on. It was dark in my room so I didn’t really get a clear look at his parts, but it very much looked like he put one on.

Eventually he slowed down and stopped, and I thought that he might have come, then he asked to switch positions but before we started again he changed his mind and asked to take a break so we were done. After he left, I realized there wasn’t a condom in my trash. The one closest to my bed didn’t have a bag in it so I understand why he might not have put it in that one but there were 2 other trash cans in my room he could’ve put it in, and its not in ANY of them. So now I’m freaking out. I am on birth control so not so much worried about pregnancy but STI’s/STD’s. Also just generally feeling icky and a lil violated even tho it’s my fault I didn’t communicate my boundaries. I don’t think he came in me though, so either he did use a condom or he didn’t come at all. He was an incredibly awkward dude, so honestly I’m just hoping that he didn’t come, didn’t notice the other trash cans in my room so just took the condom with him??

Im trying not to freak out because either way I intended on getting tested after, now I just feel more urgency. One friend tells me to just text him and ask, but that feels so horrifically embarrassing, another says don’t bother and just get tested when I can. I do have class with him twice a week for the next 2 weeks so I don’t want to do anything that’s gonna make me feel like I want to throw up from embarrassment the next time I see him. I mean it it is plausible he took the condom with him right??😭 Ever since last night when I realized there wasn’t one in the trash I feel like I’ve almost been dissociating or something. Like if he actually didn’t put one on, I definitely feel like he pretended to which disturbs me. I’m just really upset. Looking for any advice or kind words, especially advice for how to communicate boundaries for the future. Really sad this has marred my experience of having sex with a man for the first time.

Hey guys, is there anywhere in Aus we can get at home STI test swab kist for Chlamydia and Gonnoreah and Pap smears at home?? They do it in UK already. Do we have to book in with a GP just to get the test??

Hi everyone, I'm writing this because I could use some advice/perspective and I really have no one else in my life to turn to.

I am a 22 year old woman and I know that it's recommended that I go get a pap smear done, since I am of age and haven't had one yet. I'm not too excited about it. Not just because of the procedure itself, but because hospital/healthcare environments and I don't mix.

The other day, my mom found out that since I am over the age of 21, I should go get a pap smear done. The thing is though, my mom has no idea that I am low risk, and I can't tell her why, because that will open up a whole other can of worms.

I am Indian-American and my mom is an immigrant. Indian culture is very traditional and conservative. Some of the ideas within the culture include no sex before marriage no dating/boyfriends until you are "older" (age isn't always clear), no kissing, no PDA and there is a liking to arranged marriages. Children are expected to obey their parents (even as adults) and are essentially seen as property. I also currently live at home.

I am a virgin. I'm talking a VIRGIN virgin. I have never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, never kissed anyone, and never had sex. I know that I should probably get my smear test done anyway, but I'm low risk.

I have heard stories about virgin women going to the gyno to get a pap smear, only to be told that they didn't need it because they weren't sexually active. While this sounds like a relief that I don't need this procedure done just yet, I know that if this happens, I will go home and my mom will ask me how the pap smear went. I would then have to tell her that the doctor said that I didn't need one yet, because I'm a virgin. Meaning, in the future, when I AM sexually active (I don't plan on waiting for marriage) and I get my smear test done, and my mom asks me about it, she will know that I got one because I lost my virginity, which is something that she won't be happy about. Yes, I could lie, but am I just supposed to lie until marriage? I can only do so much. I'm also not a very good liar, and get really anxious, because of my strict upbringing. She is also very nosy.

Also, my mom has this all or nothing mentality when it comes to giving me advice and supporting me. Meaning, I could be her good child, do everything she says and she will support me and help me when needed, or I could go against her, "be an adult" and she would never support me or stand by me, since I "think I know everything."

This is where my conflict lies. If my doctor tells me that a pap smear isn't really necessary at this time, then I will have to go home and tell my mom that I didn't have it done. She is expecting me to have it done at my next appointment. if I tell my mom WHY I'm low risk, that is basically a way for her to keep track/know when I would lose my virginity. My mom really has no idea, and I don't want her finding out, since it would cause trouble and it may ruin my relationship with her.

Sorry I know that this is long and that this just may be my intrusive thoughts talking, but I could still use some advice/thoughts

EDIT: Hi everyone, sorry for the late response. I appreciate all of the advice, but I just want to clear up a few things.

1. I know why a pap smear is done. I know that I am low risk given the circumstances.
2. Yes, I am vaccinated against HPV. I got the vaccine about a decade ago as part of a routine series of vaccinations so there were really no questions there.
3. My mom has no idea that I'm low risk and more importantly WHY. She has little understanding about sexual health. (She doesn't know where a tampon goes. She didn't know what a cervix was until recently. I don't think she knows what an orgasm is.) If she finds out WHY, that opens doors to more problems. I don't want her tracking my virginity.
4. Yes, technically I could just say that the appointment went well and spare the details, but it usually doesn't stop there. She will pry over and over again. If I tell her that it's none of her business, then the accusations start, and so do the arguments and guilt tripping. It's not as easy as people are making it out to be. Remember, it's the culture.
5. I'm an adult, so no she technically doesn't have access to my medical information. However, the clinic that my family and I go to give out discharge paperwork, every single time. She will look through that. If I try and hide it, then she will look for it, as well as question what I was hiding. If I throw it away, she might get suspicious, etc. etc.
6. I don't think many people are aware of how many Indian parents are. It's not easy to say "that's none of your business." That would only increase their distrust. It could even earn me a slap across the face. Remember, I come from a culture of arranged marriages and anti-dating. Girl's sex life is extremely controlled.

Hello Ladies!

My name is Gosia Gawlińska. I am a psychology student currently working on my thesis and I need your help. I cannot reveal the specific topic of my thesis, but please trust me, it is truly significant for all women.

Quick Facts:

• Exclusively for adults.
• Completely anonymous and voluntary.
• Your info is strictly for scientific use.

Just 5-10 mins of Your time for a quick questionnaire.

Link: https://psychodpt.fra1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_74CRj44IimH8SdE

Your support means a lot to me, and I truly appreciate it.

I'm finally at a point in life where I can spend money on quality underwear so I've been trying out different brands to see which one I'll end up buying forever.

This is all MY EXPERIENCE and not meant as a general statement. I specifically bought only hipsters, briefs and boyshorts. My main criteria were no wedgies, wide crotch area and long gusset. Short gussets mean the seams rub against the vulva which is VERY unpleasant.

Aerie - not meant for fat butts. They either create wedgies, or the gusset is too short, or the gusset width is too narrow. I got one of each design/style when on sale and I had to throw out almost all of them. Only the sunnie boyshort style is tolerable but the gusset length is too short.

Meundies - somewhat meant for big butts. All the styles are ridiculously comfortable but the gusset is too short.

Soma - the vanishing edge hipster and briefs were comfy but have a short gusset. Only the boyshorts fit all the criteria. Unfortunately this is fancy underwear so I wear it only when going out.

Thunderpants - so far top of the list. They're comfy and fit great but the gusset is again too short which is a huge bummer. Side note, their leggings are great.

Duluth - a mixed bag. All of them have the short gusset issue but are comfy. This is the second on the list because even though the gusset is short it's not too short.

My Best Fitting Panty from Walmart - great because they have no gusset. The whole underwear is one piece with no extra lining at the crotch. The downside is that larger sizes are rarely available and sell out quickly.

That's it so far and if anyone has any other brand recommendations please let me know. I'll add any more info I remember as edits to the post.

Edit 1: 01 Dec - the Duluth sneeze guard underwear is great for period time. The gusset is long and pads stick to it.

Edit 2: 08 Dec - I tried all of the Fruit of the Loom hipster styles and none fit well. It's as though women's underwear is not designed by women at all... Honorary mention goes to the beyond stripes variety hipster because even though it has gusset issues the rest of it is fantastic.

Edit 3: 16 Dec - none of the Victoria's Secret hip huggers undies have the features I'm looking for. Not just that, they really don't seem to be made for big butts even though the sides go to XL. 🥲

Edit 4: 31 Dec - I tried Huha brand bikini underwear and the gusset is really long which is fantastic. But the underwear is more like a cheeky kind causing constant wedgies. Reviews for their brief style underwear also mention not having full coverage. I think at this point I'm just gonna give up...

Edit 5: further edits will be made here https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/OBtGgIHQ0B

Today I found out the US legalized girls to play Little League (baseball) only 33 years before I played it. 33 years! I’m taking a class in the Sociology of Gender so I’m learning a lot of stuff like this that is helping me put things in perspective. Time is crazy sometimes. I’ve never been good at conceptualizing? time, so little facts like these are really surprising/eye-opening for me.

Hello all, posting from a throwaway. I have been with my fiance for 7.5 years and engaged for over a year. I love him deeply and am happy with most aspects of our relationship. There is a big one that has been a strain on our relationship for years now. He started his own business and has not kept up with taxes, not because he doesn't want to, but because he is overwhelmed. I have tried to remain sympathetic (he has ADD and really feels paralyzed about this) but it is weighing on me. I have tried to help him but cannot and will not do this for him, and have expressed how much this bothers me that he has not taken care of it.

I am planning on telling him that if he has not began the filling process by tax day of next year (April 2024) then we will have to have a serious discussion about the future of our relationship. My plan is to move out so that our finances will be separated entirely. I do not want to present an ultimatum, but every time I've brought up how serious it is, he gets into action enough to release a little of the steam, but has not made serious effort to get it resolved.

He is otherwise an amazing partner and I want to spend my life with him, but financial security is very important to me and this makes the future feel too precarious.

What do you ladies think? Is 6 months a fair warning for this type of "threat"?

Hi,

​

I would like to give a little background about my life.

​

I have always been extremely introverted with social anxiety, and i've grown up in a toxic joint family where no one showed affection for each other and everyone would bitch, complain and hate on their own family members. [ families of my father, my two uncles and my grandparents all under the same roof]

I , as a result, am wired the same way but i have always maintained distance and refused to engage in the negative behaviors. None of my family members ever showed any affection towards me and no one was interested in my existence.

So, I've spent most of my life alone not talking to the very people i live with leading to no social skills or ability to show affection.

I've always managed to have good genuine friends in school and college though.

Now fast forward 25 years, I have an amazing husband who loves me a lot, he understands me and accepts me even though I come across as a frigid bitch to the rest of the world.

We dated for five years before getting married. He comes from a very close family, quite the opposite of mine. His parents have loved and nurtured him and his younger sister unconditionally, boosting their confidence and also spoiling them to an extent.

Now after marriage I am unable to show affection towards them and I don't call them often.

But I don't call anyone in my life often, including my parents.

I lived with them for a few months immediately after my marriage and I found myself getting annoyed by a lot things I could have taken lightly.

​

A few of them are :

1. My FIL is obsessed with his daughter, my SIL. I understand all dads love their daughters, but my FIL continuously goes "my baby" "my baby" all day long to his 24 yo daughter and praises her every second of the day which irritates me.

I get it, she is your daughter. I get it she is amazing, and you are proud of her. But do you have to keep saying it out loud abnormally 100 times every day. I mean what is the purpose of that?

As a result of this behavior his daughter had turned into an absolute princess with no friends, because no one is going to treat her like a princess except him. And that is what she expects from the outer world, even me and my husbad, and explicitly demands for it, and more often than not people tell her to fuck off.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want affection from my FIL, especially to that extent.

But I don't understand why someone would behave in this manner. I might have no right to be offended by this, but I get extremely irritated and offended and sometimes it's difficult to not let it show on my face.

​

​

2. They call my husband every single day and get mad if we don't call them once a week at least.

I understand this is not an unreasonable thing to ask for, we should indeed be calling them once or twice a week. and they are really nice so there is no reason to not call them.

But me being extremely antisocial and introverted, Even calling them once a week is a task for me and I don't do it. I know it makes them dislike me, and being aware of this fact makes me hate them in return.

It seems, I have to demonize them no matter what.

​

​

3. I hate getting any advice from them. and they love giving advice.

I had to be independent very early on in my life, and I worked very hard to become an independent adult, I earn well, and I want nothing from them.

It's human nature to overlook 100 things that I might do right and have put effort in, and point out the one thing that did not go right.

My SIL, inspite of being younger with less experience, keeps giving advice and commenting on our home and our life without having any experience to warrant such advice.

I get really pissed.

​

4. I secretly overheard my FIL's sister telling him over the phone how I am okay but not up to standard with other DIL's of the family. My FIL did not say anything to support her statement, but her comment still hurt. It reinforced my feeling of not being good enough. I am inface not loving and warm like other DIL's, I can't cook, socialize and entertain like them.

​

​

I guess i just want to keep my husband to myself and have an otherwise secluded life. Which is not possible.

I have tried to be rational and not hate my in laws .

I guess the problem might be me, but this is causing me a lot of bitterness an unhappiness.

Any advice from fellow married women will be appreciated :)

​

Is this something you go to HR first with? considering he had a harassment claim on file by a woman already, so there is a history but he is still here and she is not.

Now a few more of us have stories, comments, and now pay disparities , what do you do first? HR represents the best interest of the company

As the title says, he told me that one night the other week he got a FaceTime call from his close friend (late 30s) and she was hanging out with her sister (who’s also in her late 30s or early 40s) and they were both drunk. I want to preface this with a couple things: the sister is married with two kids, both of whom my boyfriend has babysat and tutored in the past. He’s also friends with her husband. He gets this call, and the sister starts drunkenly telling him how she wants him to be “her man” and “fuck your girlfriend” all while his friend stands by when she knows full well that we are together. He was so upset when he told me and said he felt incredibly uncomfortable and objectified. He’s been sexualized without his consent a lot in his life so for this type of situation to occur, especially with someone he considers a close friend really pisses me off. I’m angry at a lot of things really. I’m angry that he’s been put in this situation because now he feels objectified and also extremely upset at his friend for not stepping in or stopping her sister. I’m angry at the sister for saying those things. I have never met her and now I’d love to so I can be sickeningly sweet. Anyways. Rant over. Thanks friends 🥲

So at work one of my co-workers is expecting a baby, it's going to be a girl and today our office had a baby shower for her. We're sitting around, chatting and the conversation turns to having girls.

One co-worker really annoyed me with the things she was saying. First she started saying how wonderful babies are and how terrible it is when they turn into teenagers. Then she started in about how terrible it is having girls.

So I spoke up and said It is wonderful having a girl, You get to enjoy prom, sleepovers, birthday parties, and when they turn teenagers you can talk about boys and dating. And it's great when they become teenagers because you can have actual adult conversations with them. I love having daughters! The other co-worker disagrees and says more stuff about how terrible it is having girls, so finally I spoke up and said,

"There is NOTHING wrong with being a girl!!"

The whole room was quiet. For a good minute.

I was fuming inside. I HOPE I made people think about the things they say about how terrible it is to have daughters, and how that affects a woman's self esteem. Oh yeah, this is not in some third world country where baby girls are aborted for the simple crime of being female, this is in the USA.

And this is a WOMAN saying this stuff! I hate how people, including women are so brainwashed by the patriarchy, they think having a girl is a tragedy! Do they not THINK about how that makes their daughters feel? I know when I was a kid, it hurt me so much hearing adults talk with disappointed voices about having daughters, how having a teenage daughter is a curse or something.

Oh yeah I forgot, the woman complaining about girls? She has a teenage daughter! I wonder how her daughter would feel hearing the things her mother says. It's so sad.