It was the only way to keep my little brother safe from the shooters roaming the halls.

That man was not supposed to discover my secret fan art of him and the cute janitor, and even more so the various pieces of fan fiction I published telling the twisted tale of how they were meant to be!

My mother explained by way of showing me the beautifully crafted hope chest he'd been painstakingly working on for months with the words "To my darling daughter" ornately engraved on the lid.

The sudden silence was somewhat explained when the light returned revealing emptiness where thousands of cheering spectators once stood just moments ago.

Now I know why the neighbourhood kids were always getting missing.

Yet, every time I close my eyes, I can hear the children screaming and can still smell the scent of burning flesh.

It worked because now I'm a "creep with a black eye", and single.

Staring me in the eye it said with a fading voice, "I was a... good mother... wasn't I?"

"If you scream at this screen, I will punch your spleen and then we shall see who is 'obscene'!"

Naturally, even this is taking place in the recesses of my mind so I don't blame you.

Only when my wife spread her legs did I realise this dentist appointment was for my sake and that we should be able to expect a baby soon after all the 'teeth' were gone.

​

Note: This was conceived based off of the prompt - Vagina Dentata

The heavy weight on my chest was initially a source of alarm as I lay in a cold death-like state, my bladder suffered as I tried to manoeuvre my chubby kitty off of myself.

The 'Naked Apron Play' shenanigans are in full swing at home and I am quickly losing the endurance test he's set for me.

So there I stood at the checkout with a box of condoms and a card that said "A big surprise for your ninth birthday."

He not only offered me his couch, he offered me the room a mutual friend of ours was moving out of!

yet you find there's not a soul inside to be found.

By the time you figure out what needs to be feared,

you realize you've already disappeared.

I was stunned when she stepped out though, that's not quite what I thought she meant when she told me she wants a BBC.

Your entry fee is some form of wordplay, we accept all levels of cringe here and making the guards laugh grants you entry into the Restricted Section.

Why do werewolves even need a week off to jerk off anyway?!

One goverment agent spoke up, "What if on the first mission we use the services of Clone-A-Stranger, as by law they aren't human, just like our Military."

When you open your eyes, see mine and smile, I know how blessed we are to have been able to grow old together

As one protester so eloquently put it: "It's a big bleeping pile of bleeping bleep!"

That all changed when my son repeated those same words to our neighbors.

Meaning I can't read faces, I can't read people, and I can't read a room.

Not because of any controversy, mind you, but because we were over budget and the thing couldn't even spell "A.I.".

'Twas but a fortnight later, when I learned of their gruesome deaths after the Demon King carried off my stepsister, that I understood he was saving me from the price of his recent fortunes.

I barely heard him when he said something about false memory implantations before I pulled the trigger.

As you fell screaming into the void I looked at the glove you left in my hand.

It made it that much more exciting to watch him perk up when I told him he was the best boy.

After my first week, I can't tell what's worse: complete silence, or the sound of heavy breathing coming from the coffins.